Post natal anxiety or ??(4 Posts)
I'm wondering if anyone can recognise if what I'm going through is a little more than just baby name remorse...
My beautiful boy is 8 weeks old and he is my world, I'm obsessed with him. Stare at him pretty much all day and if he goes to my mums for an hour or 2 so I can do housework etc I miss him so much I cry!
However I can't stop thinking about his name - it's on my mind pretty much all the time. He has s very solid boys name but we couldn't decide on middle names - it stressed me out so much I was up googling names in the middle of the night for the first few weeks of his life as we just couldn't settle on one. It started to make me feel really anxious that he didn't have his full name and I felt so sick with worry that i could barely eat and my weight fell off really quickly. Even once I decided I then kept changing my mind - right up until the day we registered him and I got in such a flap that I gave him 2 middle names in a last minute decision - I now really don't like his full name, it's a bit of a mouthful and I had a panic attack the night after we registered him because I knew I had made a mistake. Now 4 weeks on from registering him and it's still getting me down, I can't stop feeling like I have failed in my first job as a parent and can't even bring myself to write his name in his baby book. I know I can change it and I wish I had just gone with the name my partner wanted as at least he would of been happy but it was slightly unusual and I panicked thinking it wasn't fair to lumber our beautiful boy with an unusual name with strange spelling even if it is only a middle name that never gets used. I know it can be changed but I have a feeling the guilt of making an amendment on his BC and explaining all this to him one day will be worse than the guilt I am feeling now for not getting it right? I'm totally obsessed with thinking abut this which is why I think there may be more to it. The day before I had him I was really anxious and I think I had a bit of pre natal anxiety about life changing so much etc... I'm not sure if my anxiety has just shifted onto this as I can't shake it. The older he's getting the more upset I am that I don't feel settled on his name yet as it makes me feel more and more of a failure.
I guess I'm just wondering if what I'm feeling is more than a bit of name remorse as the logical part of me knows it's only middle names so doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things but it's making me feel ill! Does anyone have any experience of something similar?
Ps - sorry that was so long - middle of the night rambles!
Wanted to reply but don't have much experience of the levels of anxiety you are currently going through - did have pnd though.
Have you shared your concerns with anyone? Dh or a family member? I think keeping them to yourself and worrying is probably making the situation worse. I think you will only feel happier when you are at peace with the situation- either decide together to change his name (he will never know) or leave it and find a way to let go. I think the first is probably more likely from what you have described?
Leaving an 8 week old baby so you can clean making you cry is totally normal however 😉 just suggest your mum comes and cleans for you for 2 h instead!
It does sound a bit like anxiety.
Op we struggled initially with first names for our DC. I think its because we are yet to get to know them.
Three of our DC do not have their correct name in their red books, it took us a while to choose names. I also worried a bit about one name. I think it's because I felt a name is important and I didn't want to make a mistake.
If you are unhappy with his name you can change it within the first year I think. If I was genuinely unhappy I would change it. The first few weeks are a whirlwind and naming is hard! You can either not tell him or just include it as part of his birth story. Maybe writing him a letter detailing his birth and his first few weeks at home will help you could explain how hard a decision naming him was. doing this for him may help you process how you are feeling. Or maybe a naming ceremony for him when you have decided.
can you talk to a friend IRL, someone who will listen.
The first few weeks are hard and emotional. If you are not comfortable sending ds to your mums when you are tidying then get her to come to yours. I found a good baby wrap enabled me to walk around, with free hands and kept baby calm and content. In fact with the right wrap on you can barely feel the extra weight of baby. Is there a local sling library where you can try them out?
Thankyou.... I have talked to DH and my parents about it but i think I've driven them a bit crazy with my worrying - DH would love to change it but only to the name he wanted all along. He doesn't see an issue with changing his BC as he said he wouldnt care if he found out his parents had got his name wrong whereas I think I would. My mum would be upset as she like me thinks it's a bit sad to mess around with his BC. Also one of the names he has at the minute is her dads name so she obviously loves that - I suppose I feel a bit torn between the 2 even though neither of them ever put any pressure on me to choose them. I haven't mentioned the extent to how I'm feeling I suppose because I'm a bit embarrassed by it - obsessing over my sons middle names for nearly 2 months is a bit odd and even I know it! I think I just feel this overwhelming amount of love for this little one, more than I was ever expecting and i felt so much pressure to give him a name that he will love and that's right for him that I feel guilty about getting it wrong. Before he was born I was worried I wouldn't love him - now I feel like I love him too much as its making me not think straight!
Good idea about the sling library I had been thinking about getting one especially as we live in a 3 story town house - I don't like leaving him on a different floor while I do jobs.
Thankyou for your lovely replies x
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