Oh, the bloody blues

[PippaB007]

I'm pregnant with my 3rd child.

I have a long history of depression. Eventually it was diagnosed and successfully treated when I was in my late 20s. I've been on meds since then, and mostly happily stable.

The one major blip was my first pregnancy. I dropped one of my meds as it caused heightened prolactin, and inhibited my periods. I was pregnant soon, but without one of my meds. Add near retrenchment, 9 months of vomiting, and a major academic deadline (which I made, 8 days before giving birth) - the result was a major depression. (No PND, thankfully).

Pregnancy no2 was plain sailing.

With the third one there is the issue of my age - I'm 43 next month - which has made me worry. I'm also worried about money, how I'll have time and sanity for 3 kids.

I'm not depressed yet, but it is round the corner. I've made an appointment with a psychiatrist (my usual pdoc is on sabbatical) on the 26th. Hopefully I'll be feeling better by then, but I'm worried that i'll be feeling worse.

[Krissy7530]

I can relate to what you are going through. My son is 21 and I'm unexpectedly pregnant. I couldn't terminate and I'm 6 months along. The father disappeared. I'm alone but thankfully have good financial support (not that it's still not a worry) and a fair bit of emotional support. I'll be 41 when the baby arrives. Although I don't have a history of depression, I've suffered chronic health issues in the past 6 years that have me off of work with no pay for the past 3. I lost my complete family; my mother passed away in 2013, my severely mentally ill brother turned my aged father against me and then committed suicide in June in a very dramatic and traumatic way that involved the whole police force. I feel like I need to be institutionalized or start writing scripts for soap operas. Needless to say, I've spent the last 6 pregnant months mostly in denial while at the same time being totally consumed by what a baby and my future holds. I've tried to get help but it doesn't seem to be panning out and the only "help" they will offer is an antenatal depression group support program. I wouldn't say I'm quite suicidal but if I had to follow through on that path I've considered the best method. It is not an option though. I've resorted to helping myself because I'm terrified what will happen to the depression after the birth; bonding issues, inability to cope, etc. The good news is that I've recently discovered, and truly believe, that a huge part of my mood crashes result from coffee. I know it sounds wacky, but I stopped drinking it for a week and was feeling pretty good. After having a cup though, almost instantly, my mood took a dramatic nose dive. I've also started acupuncture and massage, as well as adding natural supplements to my daily regimen.

How far along are you? You sound like you've been able to manage through some stressful situations during your first pregnancy. How old are your 2 children? Do you have a SO to offer support? What about family and friends? Do you plan on taking the meds through the pregnancy?

I really hope things don't get worse for you. :(

[Marquand]

(Same person, different name)

Wow, it sounds like you've had a rough time behind you. Has your relationship with your dad improved after your brother's death? It seems like - looking back - he should be able to figure out that your brother was not well and his decisions and actions were those of a sick man.

And well done for looking after yourself. I hardly have time to breathe, nevermind doing much for myself (but I AM drinking more water!!).

My kids will be 4 and 6 and a half when no 3 arrive (I'm now 14 weeks, so early August), so they all small. I hope for easy dynamics. I'm very lucky that my daughter (the older one) and my son have a very good relationship. (Some of my friends are not that lucky). I wonder how a third one will affect that. I've polled a number of people with three kids, and they are divided. Some say a 3rd child creates 100 times more chaos, and the other group say the oldest two practically raise the youngest one. I'm in a stable relationship with my OH, and he is very supportive (although, like some men, there are some stuff he just doesn't get).

I think I just need to get through the following month. My new boss started on 1 Feb, and I was on leave for the first 3 days she was here. I am now scrambling to catch up and having to deal with new requirements, etc. I think once we've worked out a way of working together, it will be easier.

Also, we are moving house at the end of the month, and haven't started to pack yet. I ordered boxes yesterday, so hopefully then it will happen. (If I can get past the exhaustion).

There are just so many things to deal with, that I'd be stressed to the hilt ANYWAY. Pregnancy just adds another dimension.

I was on meds throughout both previous pregnancies, and am doing the same for this one. My psychiatrist told me there is a higher risk to a baby of having a depressed than a happily (sort of) medicated mother. I actually dropped my secondary medication through the course of last year, and put myself back on it after about 5 weeks of pregnancy. I wasn't dealing well with it, and since then it has been better.

Some days better, some days worse, and being less behind with work has definitely made today better.

[Krissy7530]

Things with my father will never be resolved. He's 82 years old and has a bit of dementia. I was the one everyone called on to solve issues and I just have nothing left to give. I have no desire to convince my father otherwise.

Yay for the water! I drank a lot more in the first few months but I'm guilty of not drinking enough :/

I can't comment on how the siblings will get along. I have a feeling it will work out well and your other two will be amazing siblings!

You seem to have a fair bit of stress with your work and home changes. It sounds like you have a positive attitude though, and that will take you a long way. I hope the fatigue subsides somewhat so that you can get done what you need to without feeling destroyed. :)

I worry about the effects that my depression has had on the baby. I've really tried to get better and I think I've made significant headway, I just don't know if it was early enough. Only time will tell!

I truly admire your positive attitude. It certainly comes across in what you're said. I think you got this! ;)

[Krissy7530]

Also, sorry for my typos and poor composition..I mostly resort to using my phone since my computer doesn't fit as well on my lap :D

[Marquand]

There is no point of worrying now how the baby might have been affected by your stress / depression early on in the pregnancy. That's water under the bridge. Now focus on the last 3 months of pregnancy, and setting up safety nets for after the birth. You will probably be at greater risk of PND than the average new mother, and as a single mom you'll need to hold everything together. Being depressed on top of a new baby would be hellish.

I cannot give any advice on how to do that - I'm South African and we live in Johannesburg, so it's a different world of health care.

If possible, get some mental health care professional to assess and get to know you now. It's a tiring, tedious and time consuming process to tell your whole life story to anyone, and build a relationship and understanding of where you come from. It might help you to now, but it will create an environment post birth where changes can be monitored.

Also use your personal network - ask close friends to look out and tell you of warning signals, and possibly give them permission to drag you to a doctor if they believe it is necessary.

In my experience, one of the worst aspects of depression was the inertia when it came to getting help. Now that you're feeling better, try and pre-empt it and what you'll do.

Good luck.