BFP and anxiety. Please help me :(

[BFPanxiety]

Not sure if I've posted this in the right place, bear with me. I've also nc'd as I've RL friends on here. Will try to give as much info here as i can.

I came off the pill 6 years ago. DH and I decided to TTC. Nothing happened. About 2 years ago we resigned ourselves to the fact that we couldn't conceive. No biggy, we didnt want to go through IVF or anything so more or less forgot about it.

Fast forward to Friday gone. AF was just over a week late, had some symptoms (sore boobs etc) so thought I'd do a test. Line appeared straight away - BFP. And that's when the trouble started.

I should've been happy, it was a miracle! However, I immediately felt like i was going to pass out. Felt sick, sweating, shaking, short of breath. DH was out with his mates and I knew he'd have had a drink so I went to bed and thought I'd be fine in the morning.

Saturday was exactly the same. I lay in bed all day, shaking, sweating, feeling sick etc. And ditto Sunday. I still hadnt told DH, thought maybe I need to come to terms with it myself first.

This morning, after not much sleep, I still felt the same and so made an appointment with the GP. As soon as i walked in to her surgery, I broke down. Floods of tears, uncontrollable shaking, heart pounding out of my chest etc. She wasn't all that helpful because I only had a 10 min appointment but did give me a couple of diazepam to take to calm me down and asked me to rearrange an appointment for Friday.

I rang DH at work when I came out from seeing the GP and he's over the moon. I should be too but I feel absolutely terrible. I'm not sure if I can do this.

What is wrong with me? Has anybody else felt like this? What can I do?

Please don't flame me, I know I'm really lucky to have gotten a BFP and lots of women would love to be in my position. I just can't understand why I feel like this, I'm absolutely petrified.

I have a 19 year old DD so have been pg before (she isnt DH's), I certainly didnt feel like this when i was pg with her. Although I was only 17 at the time - maybe that's why.

Please, can anyone help me, any advice? Please.

[BFPanxiety]

Bump. Anybody?

[LadyOrangutan]

Oh you poor poor thing. I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time. I too suffer from anxiety and so I understand how you're feeling to a certain extent.
It's a big life change and especially when you had probably mentally settled on it not happening, so of course it's going to be a trigger for anxiety.
Can you try and pinpoint what things are making you anxious and maybe writing them down and separating them into different things might help?
That's what's helps me. When I feel overwhelmed, I list everything that's bothering me and deal with each one on their own rather than trying to tackle a massive ball of worry in one go

[LadyOrangutan]

And you are allowed to be scared and anxious. If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel xxx

[BFPanxiety]

Thanks for replying LadyOrangutan.

I'm not sure what things are making me anxious, I've never experienced Anxiety before so it's all new to me. I will try to follow your advice and pinpoint some reasons though.

I havent told DH how i'm feeling. I don't want to burst his bubble just yet. How long do these 'episodes' generally last? Please don't tell me that the next 9 months will be like this, I honestly don't think I could cope with that.

I've taken 1 of the diazepam tablets, but it hasnt really had that much effect. And she's only given me 6 tablets so don't want to waste them by taking another. I'm not back to see GP until Friday.

[LadyOrangutan]

Everyone with anxiety has it differently. I have days where i'm completely fine, days where I have a few hours of anxiety and i'm okay the rest of the time and periods where I'm anxious for days

I do not mean to be dismissive at all, but the extra rush of hormones going through your body will probably not be helping. This does not mean it is not real, but it may mean that it may settle down a bit more as your body gets used to them.

Do you think explaining to your DH might help you a bit? I know you say that you don't want to burst his bubble, but you won't be. Explaining how anxious you feel won't take anything away from your BFP. It's a tough thing to go through alone. He may even be feeling scared himself but afraid to tell you.

And hopefully your GP will be able to help more on Friday. Focus on that. Can you get through until then? x

[BFPanxiety]

Yes, I'm trying to focus on Friday's appointment. The GP I saw today was a locum and on Friday I'll be seeing my regular GP, who is lovely. Im hoping she'll be a bit more helpful and that I'll feel better after seeing her.

I will tell DH, you're right. He's probably feeling scared too! This will be his first.

I really feel for anybody who lives with Anxiety. I never realised before just how awful and all-consuming it is. I'd give anything to feel 'normal' again right now. I can't concentrate on anything, I just want to lie in bed and sleep.

[LadyOrangutan]

If that's what will help, then do (as much as is feasible anyway)

[Krissy7530]

Wondering how you are coping now?

[BFPanxiety]

Still much the same tbh.

I did tell DH, he said he understood but I don't think he really does.

Appointment with my GP in a couple of hours, I'm hoping she can put me at ease a bit more.

Thanks for asking

[Krissy7530]

I hope your appointment went well. I've been battling on and off (mostly on) for 6 months. My favourite word is 'nightmare'. I don't know that anyone can understand what you are going through, but other sufferers can certainly relate more easily. I keep trying one thing or another to make it better and I think cumulatively, they help a little bit. Like today I discovered that I need to cut coffee totally out. I wasn't feeling too badly but as soon as I had a coffee my mood crashed. Like you, I too now better understand what others are going through when they suffer anxiety. I also noticed that just being able to interact on these type forums helps too. Let me know how you are... I hope you get a breather from the anxiety.