struggling with all these silly little things PND worry

[bambi07]

Hi all
I will try to be brief. I have had a short bout of depression after I lost my baby last year and in a very stressful job with bullying people. I am worried those feelings that everything is far to big for me to cope with, are creeping back.

I know that all the things that are stressing me out are so trivial and a lot is in my head but I cant shake it off. My beautiful DD is 12 weeks and makes me laugh and smile all day, however she doesnt sleep at night and I am exhausted.
We have 2 dogs which need my attention and the poor things are being ignored more than they should be.
We keep chickens and they are crying out for some time and attention, cleaning out and mending fencing.
We have bees and they have swarmed twice so far this spring and are taking up a lot of time and expense.
Someone bought us some baby sparrows that were left homeless after a road traffic accident ploughed through their nest and they need feeding every 20-30 minutes. We have always taken on injured animals but I have too much to do at the moment but I cant find anyone else to take them for me.
I am offended (disproportionatly so) constantly by comments people make about my weight or if they offer me advice about DD I obsess over the fact that they must think I'm a terrible mum.
My house is terrible at the moment, I cant keep up with the tidying and cleaning. We are using washable nappies for DD (which I feel strongly about because of the waste od disposables) and although I am keeping up with them, with everything else it feels too much.
Stupidly I have people that have offered help with things but again there is a strong voice in my head telling me that if I accept everyone will again think that I am a terrible mum.
OH is here but is self employed and working long hours so I am alone most of the day, I try to get out the house to groups and things but again see other people seemingly doing so well and assume that I am just doing everything wrong. Why is it everyone else's baby seems to sleep through the night from about a week old?
I had a third degree tear and am now in excrutiating pain when I poo (sorry tmi) and bleed a lot.

As Im writing I can see things I can change and can use some of the techniques from counceling last year to change my self doubting, sometimes it just creeps up on me, just writing it down has helped and I am not sure what I am wanting from this, just needed to unload it all I think. I am terrible at this in RL, while typing this my mum rang and asked how I was, answered with my usual "great thank you"- what the hell is wrong with me?

[caravanista13]

Wow - no wonder you're stressed, you have SO much on your plate. It's easy for me to say, but please accept some help. When my Granddaughter was born my daughter had a really hard time - not only was I pleased to help because, as my daughter, I'd do anything for her, but selfishly it allowed me to spend lots of time with my new Granddaughter and really get to know her. No one will think the worse of you for asking for help - they're probably dying to be asked.

[bambi07]

Thank you Caravanista13, I am going to do my best to tell my mum Im struggling and ask for help, the stupid thing is I know she is desperate to look after baby, just need to quiet my stupid inner voice.

We both have thrush again making breastfeeding painful again! sigh!!!

[caravanista13]

Bambi, I'm sure you won't regret asking. My Granddaughter is 18 months old now and I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now with her asleep in the buggy while her mum catches up with some chores. It's such a privilege to be involved in her life.