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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Ok so I made THE appointment today

6 replies

Buttwing · 23/02/2015 13:54

Hi I'm really hoping someone can give me some help or an opinion.

I have four children, the youngest two are close together in age 17 months and 4 months so only 13 months between them.

I've been really struggling for the last couple of months and I'm starting to think I have pnd but how do I know for sure if it is?

I've made an appointment with my gp because I feel like I can't cope any more. I feel like things have become so bad and I just can't carry on like this these are some of the things I've been feeling and I've never felt like this before some of the things are really horrible please don't think badly of me.

I feel like I have this cloud over me, in the beginning there was the odd sunny day but now I feel like it's there all the time. I feel like I have a physical weight pressing down on my shoulders.

I never feel happy-I occasionally (usually when the kids do something) get a quick flash of happiness but it's gone as soon as it's there.

I feel my kids deserve better than me. I'm so grumpy with them they do fun stuff with daddy not with me.

I cry everyday and secretly in the night.

Every morning when I wake up I winder how the hell I'm going to get through another day.

I resent my dp who gets to go to work everyday will I'm at home with 3 under 4.

I feel like the biggest failure ever and my going to the gp feel like I'm such a crap parent. I'm so blessed to have four happy healthy children but I'm just miserable. I shouted so badly at dd1 this morning I feel so bad but I just lost my temper. I spent most of this morning in tears.

Does/has anyone else felt like this? Does it sound like pnd or am I just really shit at being a parent?

OP posts:
couchparsnip · 23/02/2015 20:28

You're a good parent because you worry. Bad parents wouldn't care about how their children are feeling. And yes it does sound like you might be depressed - and also really really tired.

I went through a period of depression in my twenties and the feelings of being a failure, not seeing a way out, never feeling happy all sound familiar. I was diagnosed and then treated like any other illness.
You can get better and seeing that it's an illness is the first step. It's not your fault you feel like this and hopefully seeing the GP will help. If not then get another GP.

dy14 · 23/02/2015 20:32

Hi firstly im so sorry u feel like thisSad (hugs) and if it makes u feel better your definitely not the only one. you are doing the right thing completely! and well done that's the hardest part is actually making the appt. it does sound like you have pnd and its definitely not because your a shit parent! im sorry I cant be a good help but wanted to let you no your not the only one and going to gp to speak about it is fabSmile let us no how you get on Smile please dont beat yourself up about it.. its ok not to be okSmile xxxx

Buttwing · 23/02/2015 20:59

Thank you for the replies it really means a lot. I feel a bit better this evening I think it's because it's the first time I've actually admitted to myself that feeling like this isn't normal. My gp appointment isn't until a week on Friday but I kind of feel that I've made a bit of a step by making it. I just had such a meltdown this morning I knew I couldn't go on like this. Hopefully the doctor will be able to help. I've always thought I would hate the idea of anti depressants but I'm actually at the point where I just want to feel happy, not all of the time but just sometimes and if takings ad's will help I will try them.
I just don't want to be miserable mummy anymore.

OP posts:
Mumblepot26 · 23/02/2015 22:54

GP's should see you as an emergency for post natal depression, I wouldn't wait till a week on Friday

couchparsnip · 24/02/2015 22:07

Just wanted to add that if you have a good Health Visitor then they will be a good source of help, Mine was amazing and used to check on me, got me counselling and had loads of practical advice. So glad you feel a little better x. Have you spoken to dp?

Buttwing · 27/02/2015 14:21

Sorry I started a thread then buggered off!!
mumble i feel like I've had this for a while si I'd rather hang on til fri rather than take an emergency appointment.
couch unfortunately I can't stand the woman! I don't think dp realises quite how bad I'm feeling and puts it down to me being tired I haven't got the energy to have the discussion with him to be honest. I will probably talk to him after I've been to the doctors.

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