Had pnd with dd1 (2.8)
Dd2 (.4) is fab but these last two weeks has changed at night and I'm struggling. Not getting a lot of sleep. Waking repeatedly through the night and suffering with insomnia.
I'm starting to feel really bad. Didn't realise how bad until last night when I was laid awake thinking of ways to kill myself. Don't think I will but it was comforting in a way.
Genuinely feel girls will be better off without me.
Dd2's cries physically affect me. I can't think, concentrate or manage anything else but to get upset/mad when she's crying.
I would never hurt her but I do hurt myself instead. I've hit myself and pinched myself when it gets too much.
Starting to worry I'm depressed again and it's more than just tiredness.
Poor poor dd1 I'm so mad at her and I hate myself for it. She's such a good girl and I'm just shouting at her.
I've started leaving my seatbelt off in the hope I'll crags the car.
Sometimes things seem good and I'll feel positive about life which makes me think it's not depression but it all feels a little fake?
Sorry for rambling. Just needed to get it out.
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Am I just tired or is it happening again?
3 replies
FeelingBlue22 · 31/01/2015 09:57
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