Hi,
My DS is 12 weeks old now and very demanding - he cries often when awake and only sleeps when held. He had a very difficult birth and we were both in hospital for 9 days afterwards. He was born by emergency section and by the time he was born I was really unwell and didn't feel the rush of love I'd been expecting.
12 weeks later I still haven't. He's a gorgeous baby and I am determined to look after him and show him all the affection I can but the frequent crying causes me to be extremely anxious and even when he's smiling I'm dreading the next crying spell, which is never far away. There's nothing I like about being a mum: I'm exhausted and stressed and I'm finding it very hard to like him, which makes me feel incredibly guilty.
I did the health visitor's questionnaire and she said I'm not depressed: I enjoy myself when I get a little time away from him, and I have absolutely no intention of hurting myself or anyone else. I'd just like to go back a year and not get pregnant. He was planned, I just had no idea it would be like this!
I want to bond with him and feel that warm love, rather than feeling my life as I knew it is over. Most days I struggle even to shower and eat as he cries when put down. Is my reaction suggestive of pnd or just a rational response to parenting a "difficult" baby? When will I get to like him and stop dreading being left at home alone with him? I try to get to baby groups most days as I find it easier when we're among other mums and babies but a trip to eg the supermarket is out if the question as I'm sure he'd cry. I feel resentful towards my lovely friends who have easy babies who entertain themselves, sleep, and rarely cry. My husband is fantastically supportive and basically cooks all the meals when he's home as it's impossible to shop or cook while in charge of the baby.
Is my unhappiness just because thus is a difficult stage? Will it end? I really want to fall in love with my baby before he's old enough to realise I'm having a hard time...
Please help!
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
PND or normal stress?
4 replies
Binglesplodge · 05/01/2015 00:15
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