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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Postnatal depression

4 replies

Stockdale87 · 27/09/2014 21:10

I really don't no where to turn. Iv suffered with depression since a young age and have been through a lot of painful things in my life. I suffered quite badly with postnatal depression when I first had my daughter, she's now 7 months old and it's getting worse. I have no where to turn and no one to help me. My little girl means the world to me and is the only reason I haven't killed myself but I'm starting to consider self harming again. I don't see any other way out but killing myself but I can't because of my little girl but it's getting to the point where I can't carry on like this. I just feel so alone someone please help me

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ejvs · 28/09/2014 00:42

Hi! You can, can,can get through this and you have your gorgeous daughter to live for! Have you been to see your GP?? I was diagnosed with PND when my daughter was 6 months old. I just couldn't understand why other Mums were having such a lovely time, I just didn't get it! Every time my dd cried I wanted to get on a bus and never come back, it was a terrible time! I went to see my GP who told me I had PND and started me on antidepressants. I felt such relief when my GP gave my strange terrible feelings a name! There is no need to feel embarrassed or like a failure as this is very common. I found a support group and while I am not sure I benefited very much, it was amazing just to feel I was not the only one who had these feelings. My daughter is now 6 yrs old and a total delight. We have a very strong bond. I am still on the antidepressants but it does not bother me one bit! I am just one of those people who needs a little extra serotonin!
What I am trying to say is you can't and don't have to go through this alone! Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling?? First call is GP or HV on Monday morning! If you don't get one who takes you seriously then make an appointment with another until,you get someone to listen and take you seriously. PND is an illness just as asthma or diabetes is. You need treatment and you should get treatment and help!! Please don't carry on trying on your own, it will not get any better! You are ill and need help. Friends and/or family can be helpful but I found that it was not enough and I needed professional help. I am out the other side now but I so know what you are going through and my heart aches for you! Do something about it on Monday!! Don't wait!!
Love and hugs!! Xxx

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Stockdale87 · 28/09/2014 19:19

Thank you so much ejvs it's nice to hear from someone who's got through it. It makes me feel like I can get through this. I am going to the doctors Monday. I have told my mum and my partner my partner just can't understand why I 'still' have PND in his words and my family just make a bit of a joke of it I think trying to get me to laugh or see how irrational I sound. But I no how irrational it is it's not like I want to feel like this. I was on fluoxetine previous and as my PND got worse they swapped my tablets (about 5 months ago) and it's definitely making me worse. I'm just going to take it day by day and see what the doctor suggests. I just feel like iv been given this diagnosis then just left to deal with it ?? but thank you so much you really have helped. It's nice to talk to someone who understands as like you say I feel like everybody's so happy with their new little babies and I'm just this awful mum who isn't not that I don't love my little princess she's my world and I couldn't live without her just wish the PND would go away xxx

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ETsmum · 29/09/2014 22:09

stockfdale87 hi :). I just wanted to say I understand a bit of how you are feeling at the mo. So pleased to hear you have a docs appointment; please try to be as honest as you can when you go.

It took me a good year before I could really say I loved my ds (like you diagnosed with PND). I also had thoughts of killing myself and believe ping that my ds and dh would be better off without me around. PND is REALLY tough, but I just anted to let you know that is can get better. My ds is 11 now and I love him to bits, but it has taken a while to get where I am today.

Please try to remember that you are NOT an awful mum, you are just a mum that isn't very well at the mo, but you can get better. Hope the doc is helpful at your appointment. And yes , take it day by day - or as I did sometiems, hour by hour x