Help I'm feeling desperate

(9 Posts)
Sleepy678 Thu 20-Feb-14 21:04:07

I'm really feeling low & desperate as my 8 month old dd just does not want to sleep at night. She's a very active baby, already crawling & standing up by herself. It is like she cannot switch off. We follow a lovely & calm bathtine routine which seems to make her more hyper ! I on my own with her most if the time as hubby works long hours. I take her to various groups & swimming but all she manages to sleep is 2 naps during the day ( on average 40 minutes ) then in the evening from 11pm to about 5am ! I get I tired that I have began to co- sleep with her in the spare room. I want her to be in her cot but when I put her in she screams & gets upset. We have tried to do the control crying but if I'm honest half an hour of her crying was enough for me. Maybe I'm too soft & given her too much control & choice ? As I'm the only carer in her life most days I can't carry on much longer as things are.....even driving the car is getting hard for me as I'm so tired I think I could crash ! & my days & nights are rolled into one with no break. Feeling desperate now & so low that i cant carry on. I feel like its all on me & i get no breaks. sometimes i just dont want to be here anymore

pamelat Thu 20-Feb-14 21:47:10

Wanted to answer your post and give support.

Im not a professional at all, just a fellow mum, but I wanted to promise that it does get easier. I hope knowing that willhelp.

My dd was like yours (shes now 6 years old). I think I had undiagnosed PND, but caused by her behaviour and lakc of sleep.

I rememeber what it feels like to be utterly exhausted. I was at the constant beck and call of my DD. Some children are more demanding than others.

Firstly medical advice is important. Over the years since children ive been to theGP 3 times re anxiety/depression. They wouldnt prescribe me anythung but if it is what yiu need, thats the first step.

Is there anyone who can come to be with you to give you a break in the day or night? I know your husband works longhours but so are you. id show him yourpost or tell him how you feel and ask for a few nights off.

Sleepy678 Thu 20-Feb-14 21:57:35

Oh thanks for your message. Really means alot. I have been to the gp but they offered me anti depressants and I did not take them. I cried my eyes out to my gp & told her my situation. I thought maybe she was too quick to prescribe me tablets. Do you think I'm just exhausted or is it pnd? My hubby tries to help but won't do the nights as his job is stressful &'he can't do it with no sleep. I know I can't do much withot sleep now. Also I'm anxious & put on weight - feel embarrassed with myself. Didn't realise being a mum is so hard.

pamelat Thu 20-Feb-14 22:06:18

I reslly dont know if pnd but if gp prescribed me something, id trial it. Theres no harm seeing if it helps.

What helped me (a bit) was knowing/accepting that being a mum IS really hard, and that it wasnt just me finding it hard.

I cried all the time, I made dh promise me thst we woukdnt have more. We did s couple of years later and he was a much easier baby!!!

Depending what your dh does, I think most people coukd do one njght, or one 5am get up. 5am is early and every day its dreadful but if he coukd do it maybe twice a week? A weekend and one work am? It would really help you.

Dont beat yourself up about it, being a mum is tough, and it sounds like your dd is flourishing! Youre doing a great job.

Consider a trial of medication?

Summer is always better and by winter again shell be much easier.

Take care

Sleepy678 Thu 20-Feb-14 22:10:48

My hubby has just said he'll do Saturday night. Feel like I want to stay in a travelodge or somewhere haha just so I can sleep as ill know I'll be listening & not switching off ! Will get back to the doctors & try them out. Anything to stop me feeling low. Thanks again xx

pamelat Thu 20-Feb-14 22:28:49

No probs, if you have a spare room, id go in there. Youll shut off then.

Dh and I have always alternated weekend get up days, it gives you something to look forward to.

At weekends, one can always go bsck to bed too. You can tag team.x

FunMeFit Fri 21-Feb-14 21:40:53

Hi Sleepy678.
Just wanted to say that being with a non-stop baby is extremely exhausting and totally ruins anyone's mental state for a while. My first little boy was a dream of a child. My little girl who was born 18 months later screamed almost constantly, she wouldn't sleep and she just wanted to get moving. Now, she's 18 months and she never sleeps during the day and at night she's up at least once. I don't get a break either so I know how you feel. My husband works shifts and can't get up with them.

I don't think drugs are the answer. I think sleeping when she sleeps is the answer. Ignore the chores, take a nap when she naps. Try to get out for regular walks as this will help with the way you feel and it should tire your baby out a bit more.

With putting her to bed, for the first year or so, I just cuddled my little girl to sleep then when she started messing about, I put her down. Then let her scream for a short while before comforting her again. She soon got the message that I'd only cuddle her if she relaxed.

It's great that your hubby will do Saturday nights. Believe it or not, if you have anymore, you'll look back and think it was easy! I cursed myself for finding it difficult with my first. Hope you feel better soon :-) Kate x

Arranoxford Mon 24-Feb-14 14:20:24

Hi Not getting any sleepy678
Lack of sleep plays havoc havoc with mood, stress and decision making. It can make you feel near to the edge. The good news is that sleep restores things pretty quickly.

I had my daughter 12 years ago and like you, I did not ask for help and became exhausted. They do grow out of it but please do not wait until then. Get some help. Yes hubby doing a night is great and if finances can stretch and boy it's worth it, put an add in gumtree for a mothers help to pop in for a few hours a week while you sleep. It cost £5 and hour where I am and childminders are 4-5 pounds. Even if it is just a short term measure, say 3 months. Believe me it's worth selling the TV to fund it.

I have a little boy now 12 years on and I am experiencing the same exhaustion and low mood which goes with this lack of sleep. I have organised for some help and already I am feeling able to think and operate more clearly and it dramatically improves your joy at being a Mum. It is a temporary measure so do not feel guilty.

I find earplugs and an eyepatch really help to give your body permission to switch off and rest/sleep.

Best of luck and keep me posted as to how you are getting on.
Big hug Arran

I second taking the medication. Also , I stayed in a neighbours spare room a couple of nights I was desperate to sleep cause I knew if I heard the baby is get up/ wake up..

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