Not coping and we are less than a week in...

[jenpatnim]

Hi all. DS born on Wednesday after what the hospital staff describe as a traumatic labour. We got home from hospital on Friday and I have been feeling very unwell. I have told my midwife, will be phoning gp tomorrow, and am going back on my antidepressants (I have a history of depression)

I feel incredibly anxious ALL THE TIME, this has really amped up today, it is hitting me in waves like nausea. Also light headed and woozy a lot of the time, which makes me scared to be alone with DS.

I can't sleep much, even though family and OH are determined to let me rest.

Breastfeeding hasn't taken off and I feel bad about that as well - we are doing formula feeds.

Could it be PND so soon or is it just the after effects of labour? I really want to be able to enjoy my baby but I feel so ill, I don't know what to do.

[DramaAlpaca]

You poor thing, sounds like you had a tough time.

Your hormones will be all over the place at the moment as you only gave birth a few days ago. Definitely talk to your GP in the morning and get as much rest as you can, take it easy even if you aren't actually sleeping. Make sure you tell your midwife exactly how you are feeling so she can support you.

Also, please don't feel bad about breastfeeding not working out. It doesn't work for every mother or for every baby - I speak as someone who had no problems breastfeeding DCs 1 & 2 but had trouble breastfeeding DC3 & had to give up early on because he wasn't gaining weight. The bond I have with him is exactly the same as with his older siblings.

Many congratulations on your baby and remember it's early days, so be kind to yourself.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

I could have written this post myself a week in. Literally word for word about the waves of anxiety. But it's actually a really good thing that you're only a week in and you're already in the mindset of questioning whether or not it's the norm or not. Something i failed tp do til DS was about 2 months old.

Fwiw i think a certain amount of anxiety is really normal and also fear of being alone with them. It's a massive responsibility and it scares the crap out of most people. But if it's debilitating i.e. affecting your quality of life then it can suck. Once my ADs kicked in properly it definitely helped a lot and slowly got my sleep, diet, confidence back. It takes time though so be really nice to yourself and don't think oh i should be feeling like this or that. Just take baby steps and be really really kind to yourself.

Hope this has helped in any way. I'm sure people will really relate on here. You're doing great. You're looking after a newborn at the end of the day which is absolutely terrifying... or at least i thought it was! X

[jenpatnim]

Update:

I had a complete meltdown on Tuesday, and my parents took me (and baby) home for a couple of nights. I also saw my GP and got some more medication.

I am now back in my own home with OH (who is happy we are back) and feeling much better. I know there will be good days and bad days but I really feel slightly more able to cope.

Thank you for your kind words- I will continue to follow up with GP and family and OH are being very supportive.

[Bubblegoose]

You poor thing. Glad you are feeling better. Those early days can be so difficult.

Please don't stress about the breastfeeding if you can't get on with it. Your mental health is so much more important - I am speaking from experience, and as the mother of two extremely healthy and happy formula-fed girls.

Keep posting here if you need a sympathetic ear.

[beginnings]

Reading your posts really brings it all back. I was massively anxious. Day 16 was the first day I didn't cry. Always remember, that horrible yesterday can never come back.

Congratulations on your baby

[jenpatnim]

Thanks, guys. And he really is a lovely baby :)

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Bless you hun, take care. It WILL get better x

[DramaAlpaca]

So glad you are feeling better x

[Orrery]

Hi there, I had my baby 1st February and have also had a couple of bumpy weeks, and can understand the stress of recovering, not breast feeding etc. My labour was a little dramatic too and we never got breast feeding established before coming home. I started off expressing and bottle feeding and gradually moved to feeding using nipple shields. Have also had quite a few days where I've wondered when the 'glow of new parents' will hit me as I seem to spend more time anxious than happy, but I think what's helping me at the moment is keeping in touch with the world outside, so I've been watching a bit of the Olympics and making myself go for a walk and to the baby clinic when I can so I get out of the microcosm of the house. I think it just takes time to ease in, so give yourself time and tlc and let everyone around help as much as possible, best of luck x

[jenpatnim]

Hey there. I was a bit hasty going home and am back with the parents for a bit longer. DP is back at work and while he is missing us, he knows it is for the best.

My mood is still not good, I still feel very overwhelmed a lot of the time, but I am starting to build a little bit of confidence when dealing with DS, who is 2 weeks and 2 days now. My mum is being really supportive and splitting the time with me so that I get a chance to rest. I have lost nearly a stone since getting out of hospital, and have no appetite, but I am trying to eat a decent meal each day so that I am able to look after DS.

I know this will not be a quick fix situation but I am taking it one day at a time and hopefully it will get easier.

[MigGril]

Many mums feel like this early on. Hormones play a big part. but if you've had a difficult start and struggled with breastfeeding then it just adds up.

You may not feel like it just yet but asking the midwife team for a birth debrief may help you at lest deal with that aspect of things.

[Gillybobs]

It's a long long time since I've had a newborn, my sons are 15 and almost 13, but after reading your post I just had to comment. My stomach still turns over when I remember the first couple of months of motherhood. A traumatic labour and a baby who needed resuscitated several times in the first few days made me the most anxious mother and I genuinely did not enjoy the first few months of his life I was so tired and overwhelmed. I felt incompetent and unworthy. If only I had known then what I know now. That it absolutely, definitely gets so much easier, so much more enjoyable and that being a mum is truly wonderful (if not without it's challenges!)

Take one day at a time, take all the help and support you are offered and please believe me that life will get easier soon

[jenpatnim]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support. Am here with DS on my shoulder, he has been awake since 11.30 and won't go back to sleep ... sigh ...

[Gillybobs]

This too will pass! Before you know it you will weaning, then you'll be chasing him around, then in the blink of an eye he will be off to school. It's funny, each day can feel like a lifetime at the newborn stage but when I look back now it really did whizz by.

Try and see a small pleasure in this stage every day, even though it is hard hard work. It's over so fast

[Suzyjane1]

Hi there. How are you doing? I had PND with all three ds's. And yes, it started on day 3 with each birth. I just want to encourage you really. Stay in touch with the dr and hv. Staying with your parents is a v good idea. You deserve to be looked after atm. You'll absolutely get through it and are on the road to recovery. X x

[Suzyjane1]

Oh and the breastfeeding thing. Totally agree that it really isn't that important. My eldest was ff and middle son was ff from 2 mths and youngest from 2 wks. All healthy boys. In fact eldest is literally never ill! Thinking of you :)