Advice please: how to keep busy and minimise loneliness while on mat leave

(14 Posts)
Madcat22 Sun 16-Feb-14 20:27:05

I've got a very beautiful and much wanted 6 week old daughter and am starting to struggle with feeling isolated and lonely. I had PND after DS was born and v. worried about having it again. I really struggle with being stuck at home as I have a really busy job normally which is very important to me. I feel like the world is carrying on without me while I'm stuck all by myself. DH is away with work a lot and I have no family close by. I have some lovely friends but don't want to burden them or pester them into seeing me all the time. I make sure I get out at least once a day even to the shops and am going to do various baby classes etc but still feel lonely as these don't necessarily involve talking to other people that much. Doesanyone have any advice about how I can keep busy and feel useful whilst also looking after a tiny baby?

InternetFOREVER Sun 16-Feb-14 20:32:52

Sorry you're feeling this way, from what I remember the early weeks are tough! In my experience the things to do when DS was that young were really limited, but as he got to 3/4/5 months I made sure I went to all the groups I could, NCT coffee mornings, baby massage, play groups, weigh in sessions which included a cup of coffee and a chat, anything I could find really! Unfortunately a lot of these things might have gone due to budget cuts, but hopefully there's still something around. Other than that I spent a lot of time feeding DS while mumsnetting!

InternetFOREVER Sun 16-Feb-14 20:33:57

p.s. re: feeling useful, at the moment you're the whole world as far as your DD is concerned and I can't imagine a more useful job than helping her grow!

Do you have a Sure Start Children's Centre nearby? Hopefully you can make friends with some other mums. Usually everyone is just waiting for someone to make the first move. I plucked up the courage on the last day of one course to say to the other mums I'd been chatting to for 5 weeks: "We should swap numbers!" The other three enthusiastically agreed then it was easy to text to arrange coffee.

Or what about a Mumsnet Local meetup?

sleepdodger Sun 16-Feb-14 20:41:27

I walked miles to stop Dc crying as he liked moving but found it hugely lifted my spirits
Then a lot of coffee cake
Even if just me seeing other people or being about other people helped
Then hv weekly session and subsequent coffee meant I met loads of people and then went from there?
Hope you're ok

scurryfunge Sun 16-Feb-14 20:48:18

I felt like that madcap, I was bored senseless and although I didn't need to meet others, I would have benefitted from like minded people. I didn't want contact from all the baby groups genre but couldn't find an alternative. I relieved the boredom by test driving all sets of cars with baby in tow. Sad, I know! If you want friendship, then maintain your current friends-you don't necessarily find other friends just because you have a baby.

PetShopGirl Sun 16-Feb-14 21:32:28

I got involved with a charity fundraising project while I was off on maternity leave and it really kept me busy as well as making me feel useful (not to mention allowing me to develop some new skills to add to my CV). I was able to fit in the stuff I was responsible for around my DS, and when you're a volunteer no-one minds if you rock up to 'work' with a baby! Is there any possibility you might be able to gather a small group together to organise a specific event, or see if any charities you like the look of already have a fundraising group that could do with extra members?

PetShopGirl Sun 16-Feb-14 21:35:25

Also meant add that one of things I most enjoyed about it was the chance to think and talk about something other than babies for a while.

BrianButterfield Sun 16-Feb-14 21:46:43

I like to do jobs in the house - organising wardrobes, sorting through junk drawers, printing and framing photos, that sort of thing.

qumquat Sat 19-Jul-14 23:16:28

I feel like this. Can't comprehend how I'm going to survive the rest of maternity leave. I hate being at home, but I hate baby groups too as I'm desperately shy . Just wish every day I was back at work, but it's the summer holidays now so I can't go in even if I wanted to! Wish I had chosen to go back sooner. I keep trying to find some voluntary work but nobody wants me! Sorry no help but you're not alone!

gg1234 Sun 20-Jul-14 10:32:27

I made friends mums like me who are at home and use to go with them ( even sometime when I didn't liked to move out of the house ) .Children centre and then nct groups .altough you might find it a little boring because all they talk about are kids. Baby sensory classes and then water babied .once a day out is must to break the loneliness and the stagnation at home . Hope it helps .

Poolbirthx2 Sun 20-Jul-14 20:40:06

I'm not much help but just to let you know you are not alone. My dd is 7 weeks and I have 9 month off on maternity leave and I keep wishing I hadn't agreed to have so much time off! Never thought I would feel like this! I don't want to go to baby groups ect as my dd is nota good sleeper, has colic, cries a lot and all of the other parents will tell me how good their baby is, how well they sleep and I know this will make me feel worse! I'm just hoping as baby gets a bit older it gets easier/better xx

Madcat22 Wed 23-Jul-14 20:42:10

Hi all. Lovely to see people are still reading this thread!! DD is now 7 months old and I'm still going!!! It's been SOO tough and still is. However, I'm surviving and have lots of good days. Back to work in nine weeks (!!!!!!); it's true that the time flies even though you don't think it does when feeling awful and desperate for things to change. So sorry recent posts feel crappy too. We aren't alone one little bit. Whilst I wouldn't wish feeling this way on anyone, it does help to read you're not alone. Lots of love to pool birth and qumquat. We will all get through it!! Xxxxx

qumquat Sat 09-Aug-14 10:41:23

Hello! I am still really struggling. 11 weeks to go and I can't believe I'm counting down the days. What a waste! Some days I'm scared I'll kill myself before I get back to work. I'm just so angry at myself for not going back in September (teacher.., so would have made sense). Dp and I might be splitting up so everything is just awful. So glad for you you're getting there Madcat xxx motto for the day: one foot in front of the other

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