Is this normal, will I ever get better?

[Clare5509]

Hi, I have pnd and anxiety, started when DS was around 6 weeks, he is now 16 weeks, and have been on AD for last 3 weeks. I'm starting to have some periods through the day when I feel more normal, mostly in the evening. However, I'm still having awful crashes through the day, anxiety sets in, palpitations, crazy thoughts which end up in me having a breakdown, to be honest I'm having suicidal thoughts when this happens, but it's more like that I feel I can't go on like this, never going to get better etc than actually wanting to end it all. Then I seem to snap out of it. The past few days I've been getting more anxiety, especially when I'm out of the house, had a panic attack in supermarket on Friday. Now I'm worried this is going to eventually leave me house bound as I'll be scared to go out. I'm seeing GP tomorrow and the CPN, starting CBT on Tuesday aswell. I just feel like I'm in a bubble and this has taken over my life, it's all in think about.

Can anyone offer some advice?
X

[Hemlock2013]

I really feel for you! Anxiety and depression are simply awful and can be really crippling. Especially with a young baby. But you have already really tackled so much by getting on ads and starting cbt so really well done.

The only thing I can say is that when you are having a panic attack, try not to fight it. Nothing terrible is actually happening to you. It's your body releasing adrenaline because you have heightened nerves and it's this that causes the panic attack symptoms. But it will pass and nothing terrible will happen whilst they do pass. So of you can, try and go with them!

When you are having the crashes in the day, is there anything at all which you think could make you feel a big better? Anything? Getting out for a walk? Watching a certain DVD? X x

[Clare5509]

Thank you for replying, there are times of the day, late morning is the worst, it's like I just go to this dark place and then for the rest of the day I feel on edge, if I let my mind wander then it sets it off again, but by the evening I feel more like myself. The GP and CPN keep saying this is normal and it's still early days with the AD, I just hate not knowing how I'm going to feel hour to hour, it feels really scary. X

[Hemlock2013]

Of course it is. But, it really won't last forever. It will pass, as you have already said it clears/lifts towards the evening. Can you settle yourself into anything when it peaks? A film or activity? Does being out and about help?

I think from my experience, it helped me to just do whatever I needed to do to make it bearable until it passed. In my case walking helped, or when I couldn't do that a friends DVD or something. I found I felt much worse when I hadn't done anything. At least if by the evening I could say, yeah I felt appalling earlier, but I still managed to get into town for some shopping, or to the library or sonething then it gave me strength knowing I could get through it. Hiding away made me more frightened and it all got worse. Do you think that could help you?? X x