antenatal depression, can anyone advise?

(53 Posts)
apprenticemamma Tue 01-Oct-13 19:53:14

Think I've got antenatal depression, 18 weeks pg. Advice & handholding would be appreciated.

I work ironically in mental health have a v demanding role and feeling overwhelmed with work stress. I've had some difficult family dynamics crop up before I got pg. One sibling is pretty toxic and I don't speak to her nor do my parents. My other sister I was close to has betrayed my family hugely, financially in that she put our family flat (in her name as she was oldest, bought when a student, intended as an investment for our future) on the market without telling us. The implication appears to be that she intends to give us if anything a small cut. The hurt betrayal and anger I have felt has been enormous. I have attempted to address it but received an abusive text and she has cut me out of her life along with mum. I continue to feel hurt and betrayal. The sisters found out I was pg but it's not their business. I keep thinking why are we having dc 2 if this is my sibling experience?

At home things have been tense since got pg. Planned but from the minute I got bfp had second thoughts. Occasionally dh says 'You wanted this. .but you're not coping". I'm taking it out on him and all probs within relationship have been magnified . We r in counselling and it's tough. I feel guilty at getting so angry towards him. and there is only so much misery he can take sad .

Work been v v stressful and I'm personalizing a lot of stuff. I presented a case discussion today and colleagues were objectively pretty critical. It left me feeling incompetent and humiliated more than ever

I feel incompetent as a mother , wife, sister daughter and friend too. ds aged 2.6 feel neglecting his emotional needs he's picking up on my emotional vibes.

I feel v ambivalent towards baby. Trying to feign excitement. Nothing inside. Tears constantly.

I'm thinking of getting signed off for a few days putting ds in nursery, sleeping and looking after myself. Should I?

And...homeopathy vs antidepressants?

If anyone takes the trouble to read, thank you.

valiumredhead Tue 01-Oct-13 20:27:42

I had crashingly severe pnd but looking back I had it before I have birth too.

Seek help now, homeopathy if you're into that is COMPLIMENTARY and should work alongside conventional medicine, not be used instead of.

See your gp asap. I remember mentioning how I felt to my midwife but she dismissed my fears. So my advice will always be see a gp.

thanks brew

valiumredhead Tue 01-Oct-13 20:28:36

And yes, get signed off and get some rest x

AndHarry Tue 01-Oct-13 20:32:16

Yes, visit your GP and ask to be signed off for the rest of the week to try to find your feet.

Have a look at the natal hypnotherapy CDs. I had antenatal depression with my first pregnancy and didn't really bind with my DS for a good while after he was born. I used the birth preparation CD while pregnant with DD and did not have AND and bonded with her a lot better. I'm sure they helped.

ScottishDiblet Tue 01-Oct-13 20:41:19

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It sounds like you have lots on your plate right now. Please see your gp ASAP and ask about taking an anti-d called amitriptyline - i took a very low dose throughout my pregnancy (it's one of the oldest anti-d's and is considered safe in pregnancy). It helped stabilise my mood and I enjoyed my pregnancy lots. I really hope you can too. Please pm if you need more support of info.

apprenticemamma Tue 01-Oct-13 20:44:19

thank you Val and harry. Appreciate your advice.

Was thinking herbal remedies as a safer option to antidepressants but will discuss with gp.

I am going to look into natal hypnotherapy CD bc I am so worried re bonding. Where from and any partucular one? I blurted out in counselling that I didn't want baby and feel so guilty for saying out loudshock .sad

Which made me think I could try pregnancy yoga class as I loved pg yoga last time and would also help bond.

Working in mental health makes this also quite difficult as I defo don't want a referral to my colleagues wink .

apprenticemamma Tue 01-Oct-13 20:49:10

thanks Scottish you have given me hope but also made me sad sad sad sad cry.
I'm getting into horrendous crying cycles that feels like a switch in my brain has been switched. it is hard to control and does feel quite biological like hormonal. This is all new to me this year, has anyone else had this? I'm hoping amitriptyline will reduce the tearfulness as I can't be crying in front of my ds anymore.

thanks again. So helpful to discuss anonymously

AndHarry Tue 01-Oct-13 20:54:03

This is the CD I was talking about. It's also on iTunes if you have an iPod. I listened to it every night in bed and during the day once I was on maternity leave too and felt lots better for it. Antenatal yoga sounds like a good idea too.

You have an awful lot on your plate. Definitely take some time off - it might be longer rather than shorter but see how it goes.

valiumredhead Tue 01-Oct-13 20:54:57

I was in a mother and baby unit after I had ds and there were a high number of women who worked in mental health,a doctor, many who were in the 'caring profession,' including myself. Interesting. I concluded we were too used to dealing with others and were stretched too thin to manage our own issues.

valiumredhead Tue 01-Oct-13 20:56:04

There's definitely meds you can take that are safe in pregnancy.

apprenticemamma Tue 01-Oct-13 21:03:02

Thanks everyone. Sometimes have to feign a thick skin in my line of work and u r right there is no room for considering our own emotional needs just endless messages from staff & mngmnt (not patients) that we r not doing enough to meet targets or just doing a good enough job.

I'm going to have a mindfulshower tea and chocolate& kindle hope this will stop my busy tear ducts ..

valiumredhead Tue 01-Oct-13 21:05:43

Make an appt tomorrow for asap. Use this thread to vent if you need to x

missymum Tue 01-Oct-13 21:13:26

Is there a perinatal mental health team near you OP? Or you could ask your Gp to refer you to the nearest out of area team to you so you aren't being seen by people you know? They would be best placed to treat antenatal depression. Good luck with this and definitely take time out from work to look after you .

apprenticemamma Tue 01-Oct-13 22:00:55

the perinatal mh team is embedded within the team next door to where I work. I know everyone in that team!

<<whispers.. I'm a clinical psychologist. >>

That's why the gp is a better option I think for me. I live in such a rural area that I know lots of mh staff across the region & even know private mh workers.

I think if things would escalate and amitriptyline & counselling not working then I would need to reconsider how that would work. Also have a great h visitor.

ScottishDiblet Wed 02-Oct-13 08:35:15

Hi OP just wanted to send you a hug and ask how you are feeling today? There is no shame in needing some extra help in pregnancy (or any other time, as you know!). My dr's mantra when I was pregnant was that a happy mummy = a happy mummy and there is greater risk to a baby when a mum is depression and anxious than when she is taking meds. Hope you get to speak to your gp today.

apprenticemamma Wed 02-Oct-13 08:51:53

hi Scottish. Thanks. Had terrible sleepm Have got appt at 9.25 this morning. I texted my boss to say have stomach cramps which I do and other stuff to see gp and I'll discuss face to face with her. She sent a nice concerned text and then I told her more&that I think I'm depressed &seeing doc. She hasn't replied but I think she's prob just driving to work. not sure if I'll go in later this morning but been crying uncontrollablely again and that's not great is it. in saying that whenever I'm in work I can hold it together pretty well!

apprenticemamma Wed 02-Oct-13 08:52:52

ps did u get this horrible crying thing? it's awful!

ScottishDiblet Wed 02-Oct-13 09:23:21

Oh bless you. Good luck at the dr. Please try not to be fobbed off without any meds. Oh the crying was awful - I went mad at work one day and had a go at my boss and my boss's boss �� and then burst into hysterical crying. That was the day I decided to seek help. I see a psychologist privately because of my history with depression and anxiety and he was amazing. My gp was a bit meh about the whole thing and my midwife referred me to the mental health in pregnancy team who were very relaxed about me taking such a low dose of amitryptiline - the doctor actually said the dose was so low as to not have any effect except placebo. Grrrr. The anti-d had the great side effect of helping me sleep at night as I had become an insomniac so I just started feeling so much better really quickly. I did have to up the meds when I got bigger and again after I had my daughter as I had a very anxious episode straight after she was born. I can't say enough how much the meds helped me to enjoy my pregnancy and those precious moments with my daughter. I feel very lucky. I hope you get the se help that I did. X

pokesandprodsforthelasttime Wed 02-Oct-13 09:41:59

I just wanted to say I'm in exactly the same boat, it's crap sad

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and despite this being a very much wanted IVF baby I've been feeling very down. Work is very stressful at the moment and I have an unsupportive manager. I'm not sleeping well, worrying about everything, can't concentrate or remember anything, I'm snapping at people and crying at the drop of a hat. I also feel massively guilty for not enjoying the pregnancy and just wanting it to be over sad

I eventually went to see my lovely supportive GP and told her everything. She thinks it's just stress and anxiety rather than depression - but she's worried that if I don't look after myself it will tip over into anti & post natal depression. She immediately signed me off work for 2 weeks, and has said she will continue to provide sick notes every couple of weeks until i go on mat leave. I have regular appointments just so she can keep an eye and me.

She hasn't prescribed any meds (I wouldn't take them anyway) and she offered to refer me to perinatal mental health team which I refused for now.

I'm trying to do things to help my mental health like take naps in the day so I'm not so exhausted, and go for walks to get fresh air and exercise.

I hope your GP is as supportive as mine. I do feel about 50% better now I'm off work (although feel very guilty for being off, but I can't win I feel guilty no matter what I do!).

apprenticemamma Wed 02-Oct-13 14:43:57

pokes thank you for sharing your experience. it's so good to hear of successes and positive outcomes. Take on board what u say about lifestyle too. Is this your first? Congratulations too bc u have been on an ivf journey and that must ve been stressful in itself, and then the pressure to burst into pregnancy related joy when actually pregnancy can fuck with your head too.

Good to hear re gp. My gp was about 23 and no offence but a bit clueless. She did refer me to antenatal unit as I have been having bad stabby stomach cramps too. Baby's heart beat etc all good. And met the most helpful mw and cons obstetrician who specialises in mh and is willing to monitor me (for reasons of confidentiality perinatal mh team not snap option). He was v sympathetic and agreed that this is stess&depression and Scottish he seemed far happier to prescribe the amitriptyline than gp-child. Recommended lots of rest. I'm going to see gp-child Friday for the script.

I feel better now just for facing my demons. Pokes keep us posted. Thanks everyone. smile

AndHarry Wed 02-Oct-13 14:52:50

Well done smile Did you get signed off?

I walked out of work in the end, went straight to my MW and she whisked in the on-duty GP to sign me off for the rest of my pregnancy. I spent the next few weeks until I was hospitalised sitting at home with the curtains drawn crying hmm I can recommend not doing that!

valiumredhead Wed 02-Oct-13 14:57:22

Good news OP, that sounds positive x

apprenticemamma Wed 02-Oct-13 14:57:28

harry I'm taking rest of week off (Friday is day off anyway) .

I think I'm the sort that will function better if I keep working but a short break is perfect for me.

I'm on my couch with a blanket , tea chocolate and trash mags. I'm not drawing the curtains but yes crying does feature..

apprenticemamma Wed 02-Oct-13 14:58:38

harry how many weeks were u when u got signed off? and was it first dc or subsequent?

pokesandprodsforthelasttime Wed 02-Oct-13 15:01:54

Ah sorry about useless GP. I've seen plenty of them in the past, I think my surgery has a lot of newly qualified or trainee GPs and they often seem out of their depth with stuff like this. But now I've found a good one I always request to see her. Glad you got to see helpful people in antenatal unit though, it sounds like you're getting the right support. And good to hear all is well with your baby smile

This is my 2nd child, first one is 6 yo and was an unplanned (although not unwanted) pregnancy - and believe it or not I found it a lot less stressful than this extremely well planned one! Although I remember hating pregnancy that time round as well, but more the physical aspects - and I obviously totally forgot this until I got pregnant again hmm

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