I have had depression since I was a teen and i have undiagnosed PND with DS who is now 4.5 as I result I took 10mg citalopram throughout most of my pregnancy in the hope i would not get it.
I have though I am having the most random violent/harmful thoughts that are tormenting me I don't want to hurt her at all I love her so much. Its making me want to self harm again. The thoughts are so strong when the come it scares me so much. I broke down in the middle of the night and had to wake DH to take her as my mind would not stop and I wished myself dead. After doing some research I realize I have not turned onto an evil monster overnight but its still difficult to live with and scary.
Please someone tell me there is a way out also I am petrified if I tell my doctor about the thoughts he will try to take my DC away but I am going to see him.
I do really love her I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY BRAIN HATES ME SO MUCH!!!
You do need to see your GP, please don't be scared. I had PND and had intrusive thoughts and had treatment and my DS was not taken away. My HV actually really helped me. If you feel bad in the night then consider a call to Samaritans.
i had this suddenly start at 20 wks pregnant and i told my midwife.
it was frightening to tell her as i too thought that my baby would be taken from me. i was really scared by the thoughts and wondered why i thought them what it meant that i did think those things. really awful.
im so glad you're telling your gp.
they wont take your child from you.
a nurse came to my home and assessed me by asking questions.
i didnt have medication but some emergency counselling and then a counsellor who did cbt with me for about 5 month post baby.
I suffered from severe PND with DD1 and was tormented by horrible intrusive thoughts, also violent like yours - YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND IT'S MORE COMMON THAN WE REALISE! Please please read a fantastic book which I truly wish someone had handed to me when I was thinking these thoughts, it's called 'The Imp of the Mind' and it has some sections just on mothers and their babies.
This book REALLY helped me and I hope it can help you too. Please speak to someone, nobody will take your baby from you, it's widely recognised that these thoughts are a symptom of PND. Wishing you all the best - I know how awful it is. It does get better....I had the odd intrusive thought with DD2 (now 12 weeks) but they quickly went and they haven't bothered me since.
Intrusive thoughts are a symptom of PND but they are also a general anxiety symptom and also quite normal for all mothers - pretty much everyone I asked who has had a baby said to be they had experienced some kind of intrusive thoughts about the pram veering off the road, baby falling down stairs etc. I was plagued by vivid intrusive "visions" of dropping the baby onto the floor and could not carry her up and down stairs initially I was so unnerved by them! (They gradually faded as I got used to looking after her and the shock of the birth receded.) If you think about it it makes sense in evolutionary terms, they help you keep the baby safe! If you are feeling upset by them then you should seek some help, either by talking to your GP or HV, and if necessary they can refer you to counselling or even perinatal MH services. No-one will take the baby away because of intrusive thoughts, don't worry! Take care OP xx