17 days post birth and I'm going to gp. Scared!

(8 Posts)
cupcake78 Tue 16-Jul-13 07:06:46

Basically as above. Baby blues is getting worse. I cry every day and feel miserable most of the time. I have headaches, blurred vision, don't enjoy much and feel like I'm only just making it through.

I'm high risk of PND but unsure whether to take anti depressants so early after birth. I struggle somedays, I am exhausted and have had little if no down time since dd was born. I have a lot going on which I don't want to go into but I am surrounded by ill /dying relatives, house moves, dh not happy as he's sick of commuting to and from work, pregnancy was horrible from start to finish.

I love my dd very much but I am not a baby person. I'm finding nothing in life is normal or familiar anymore. It's all changed, no work, no routine, everything is upside down and I'm feeling incredibly isolated and very lonely. It's like the world has suddenly moved on without me.

I'm finding positive thinking very hard to grab onto. I have a lot to be grateful for but can't get to grips with it.

It's like I'm living in a cloud. Has anyone else been through this? What should I do?

You're doing the right thing by going to the GP. They will be able to advise you on whether you need ADs, or a talking therapy etc.

How you're feeling could be a reaction to all the things going on in your life, mixed with the 'down' that is quite common after giving birth.

Try not to worry too much about not finding these early days with your baby all cuddles and roses. You don't have to be 'into' babies to give your DD all she needs at this stage. She just needs food, security and your company. Your DH's too, as much as possible, so he does need to put the stresses of his job on the backburner as much as he can and take the weight off you whenever possible.

cupcake78 Tue 16-Jul-13 08:24:59

I'm finding this morning really hard. Ds has had tears because I can't make Lego with him on a school morning. Getting out the house with a new baby for 8.30 is stressful enough.

Dh is doing as much as he can but his time is limited. He leaves at 7am and isn't back till 7pm. He took dd at 9.30 last night so I could sleep but I had to ask him to.

We have no help from grandparents or family at the moment as they are all taken up looking after the ill members or working. All friends work or have just had babies of their own so are very occupied.

I'm dreading the 6 week holiday with both ds (5) and dd.

In some ways the holidays will be better as there won't be the pressure to get out of the house for school.You'll be able to do the Lego things etc whilst gently teaching your DS that some activities have to wait while you see to his sister. He'll also be terribly tired at the end of term (DS is fractious and he's 10!) and tears and tantrums are part of that rather than you not having time to do what he wants to do.

Are there any holiday clubs in your area he could attend for a day or an afternoon a week? You might think he's a bit young for that, I don't know - fair enough if you do. It will break up the holiday weeks for him and give you time to rest with just your DD.
A walk to a park or a play by a stream are just as interesting to your DS as anything fancy or exciting, so don't feel you have to entertain him nonstop in the holidays. And at home a bit of downtime on his own to draw, build Lego or even watch a bit of TV won't do him any harm at all.
Museums and libraries run holiday activities for all ages - have a look on their websites. An hour doing something like that, a walk to the shop.....perfectly adequate entertainment at his age.

I was in a similar position with family and friends being busy. At times it was quite isolating and lonely. A bit like the world was carrying on around me and I was stuck on my own.

Do keep in touch with friends if possible. Some of them may drift off if they have no DC of their own. It's nothing personal, just an experience they don't share or they might not realise you are lonely/don't want to intrude.
If there are any friends you think may understand how you're feeling then give them a ring.

I hope things get easier for you thanks

cupcake78 Tue 16-Jul-13 16:49:50

Seems I'm on citalopram. Im gutted.

Ds is booked into a few activities including a full day every week. We've also got a week booked off for holiday and a day a week were going to meet dad at work for a picnic.

People keep asking how young dd is and seem really shocked when I tell them just over 2 weeks. Do other people not go out with babies?

Jollyb Tue 16-Jul-13 17:01:52

Well done Cupcake. I had PND after DD and from memory the 2-3 week mark was pretty bad as I was really struggling with the sleep deprivation.

I started antidepressants which I found helpful. I also got some external help. I had a post natal doula who came for 2 mornings per week between weeks 4-8 - could you afford to do this? I think she charged £10 per hour.

The biggest thing I did was got DP to take over as soon as he got home from work til midnight. I could then cope in the knowledge that whatever had happened during the day I'd have 3-4 hours of guaranteed sleep.

You will get through this and it will get easier.

Jenny70 Tue 16-Jul-13 17:06:46

People are shocked that you are together enough to get to school, child in uniform, you are dressed, baby is changed/fed... they are impressed shicked, not judging shocked.

Having said that an italian friend said they don't go out much for 40days, it is expected family will do all the day to day chores and new mum looks after baby only. Sometimes i wish that were me, and sometimes I'd go mad stuck at home.

I'm sorry you're disappointed that the GP gave you citalopram. From what I know of it it's good for reactive depression and will probably smooth out your feelings about everything that's going on. Just help you cope until you get over this rough patch.

I think your DS will have enough on this holiday for him not to be bored or demanding during his time at home with you and his baby sister.

Pah! I'm a firm believer in 'if you feel like taking your baby out, then away you go!'. It was one of my HV's primary recommendations, in fact, to cope with my PND/PTSD. They are probably just surprised that you are up to getting out of the house at all, so soon after giving birth. It's quite an old fashioned view that a new mother should stay in - perhaps that's where they are getting their attitudes from.

Go easy on yourself. You've identified you're not feeling right and done something about it. It's a tough time, particularly with the demands of another young child to juggle with your own and a new baby's, let alone family illness and a DH who works long hours.

I hope things improve for you soon, both within yourself and in your wider family. x

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