Im siting with so many thoughts going round my head so if i ramble then i apologise now.
Im nearly 27 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby, i have 2 girls aged 7&8 with my ex and a 3 yr old boy with my hubby, he has 2 boys aged 9&10 with an ex who he has custody of. Things have gone from bad to worse since becoming pregnant and i cant see how I'm supposed to get myself out of it.
Firstly, my hubby had his heart set on a girl, his 1st daughter so much so he had already picked out a name. He comes from a family of all boys so it would have been great for him, but it wasn't to be. Our bundle of joy is yet another boy. At 1st i was a little disappointed but only because i wasn't going to give him a princess. He on the other hand has made no effort with this baby since finding out. He reluctantly bought him a bouncy chair but has complained ever since!! I was just starting to accept that maybe when he holds his son for the 1st time he might change his mind when something else happened to tip my sanity over the edge.
Nearly all my daughters baby photos and videos have gone missing! I feel so bad that i'll never be able to see them again that I'm crying all the time!! I cant think of anything else and its driving me to the point where I'm having thoughts of self harm, i have in the past with severe pnd. I have hours of footage of my son but none of my girls and i feel sooo guilty and wonder if they'll hate me when they're older? Ive explained to them that they're gone and they don't seem bothered but i am!! No matter what i do i cant stop thinking about it!!
Im sooo low at the moment and i dont know where to turn to, some1 please help me!!!!
So sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the minute.
Have you tried to talk to your husband about his feelings? Maybe talk to him about how amazing he felt when his sons were born. Yes, he has a strong bond with his daughter but that doesn't mean he will love his unborn son any less. I know it can be difficult when you get news you aren't expecting.
When you say the photos have gone missing, do you mean they have been lost in the house or do you think they have been taken?
If you are considering self harm I would strongly suggest you speak to your GP and thin of the effect the self harm could have on our unborn baby. If you don't feel confident enough at this stage to talk to your GP do you have a non-judgemental close friend or relative you could talk to about how you are feeling?
Ive tried talking to him but he dismisses it and says he is excited, i should have mentioned that he nearly died last year so is probably abit overwhelmed by it all. I'll give him some time and see what happens.
As for the photos and videos, they're newborn 1's were taken and the rest were on my hubby's laptop from a phone back up but they've seemed to have disappeared. I have so many of my son but none of my daughters and i feel terrible I'm worried that they'll grow up hating me for it. My hubby doesn't understand how i feel because my daughters aren't his and there is really no one i can talk to, hence the reason I'm pouring my heart out on here.
Im hoping to go to my gp tomorrow and discuss things with him, i cant carry on feeling as though i want to drive my car into a brick wall! Somethings gotta give :'(
Oh goodness, it does sound like there is a lot going on at the minute for you both.
Maybe he is being honest and he is ok about it time will tell.
I don't think you're children will resent you at all! I'm sure they will be grateful to have a lovely mum who has given them lovely memories of their childhood! I don't think they will feel the way you do about the photos as they probably won't have the same sentimental feelings about them as a parent would.
Your GP should be able to refer you onto someone to provide counselling as I'm not sure you will be prescribed anything to perk you up due to your pregnancy. It can be such a lonely place when you face depression, I've been so low I've actually got into the car and driven off with the intention to crash into a wall as I just couldn't see a way out. What worked for me was trying to just focus on each day and trying to see the positive side in that one day and not focussing too much on the anxiety I felt about the situation I was in and my worries about the future.
I really hope you get an appointment with your GP tomorrow.
Thanx alot 4 your reply, I'm doing what you said. Im focusing on the good things rather than dwelling on the bad things. Ive managed to get some of my photos from other family members and my girls dad, i nearly have as many as i lost which is great! I still cant replace the videos but like my mum said i can always just make new 1's. i agree that the videos and photos are sentimental to me and probably not so much to my children so they're really not bothered whether i get them back or not.
Your advice has been really helpful and i appreciate it a great deal! I actually feel a whole load better but will still see my gp, couldn't see him today as i had a family crisis!
Oh brilliant. Hopefully you start to feel better soon. Yes, you can always make new videos but I understand why it's upsetting not to have the other ones. Photos were all I had of me as a child and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything!
I wrote this when i was feeling really low! Ive been doing really well since but today ive been feeling exceptionally low again. Today has been 1 big upset and i really feel like just jumping in my car and leaving!!
Hi you can ask your usual midwife to refer you to a mental health midwife as most areas have them, even if they are based at the hospital they can see you. They are used to people struggling in pregnancy. You can just phone your midwife up, tell them you are struggling with say thoughts of self harm and ask for a quick appointment.