PND or reaction to trauma

[elliejjtiny]

I've had PND with my 3 older boys, worst with DS1 and getting milder each time. DS4 is nearly 3 weeks old and I'm wondering if I've got it again or not.

I've had all natural births and breastfed my others. But DS4 was born by C-section, 5 weeks early. He has a cleft lip and palate so can't breastfeed although I'm expressing. He's still in scbu although I'm at home. He also has very low muscle tone.

DS2 is having his squint repaired in day surgery on Thursday. I'm supposed to be rooming in with DS4 next weekend so will have to leave him to be looked after by DH and MIL. I'll also be missing DS1's birthday celebrations although DS4 and I should both be home for his actual birthday. The HV is already being really annoying and we haven't even left the hospital yet. I find her very patronising and she is insisting on coming round to weigh DS4 etc twice a week when he is discharged.

Not being able to do things after my C-section is driving me mad. I'm getting lots of help but my mil keeps putting the children's clothes away wrong (DS1's pants in DS2's drawer etc) and DH hasn't emptied the kitchen bin even though I've been asking him for 2 days. I tried to sort out the clothes myself but got half way and then my scar was hurting and DH told me I shouldn't be bending.

I'm spending a lot of time at the hospital or pumping. I'm so tired from pumping in the night. I feel like I'm not being a proper mum to my older 3 children because I can't change DS3's nappies or pick up DS1 and DS2 from school. I feel guilty for leaving DS4 on his own and I keep crying for no reason.

I don't know if this is PND or just an understandable reaction to a traumatic situation. I'm seeing the midwife on Monday but not sure if I should see the GP or wait until DS4 is discharged and DS2 has had his operation to see if that helps.

[tuckingfits]

Sounds like you're having a horrible time. I'm sorry but I don't know whether it's PND or not. It does sound to me like a perfectly understandable reaction to everything that's going on with you right now.

Your DH is right - as frustrating as it is,you should be resting as much as you can - you're recovering from major surgery still - I had a section too & set myself back by doing too much too early & resulted in an infection in my wound & internally. It is bloody annoying having to ask other people (repeatedly) to do things that a few weeks ago you were able to just get on with yourself,but persevere foe the good of your health.

Congratulations on your newest little boy :). I think you should mention to midwife/GP your concerns so that at least they are aware & ready to help if you don't feel better once things settle down.

Also,not sure on ins & outs but don't think HVs are compulsory. I think I'd be tempted to tell her you'll attend her clinics for weigh ins as & when you feel it's necessary. It's good that she wants to keep an eye but she does sound a bit overwhelming.

Good luck & I hope you feel better soon & that DS2's operation goes smoothly & that DS4 is hike with you soon.xx

[SugarandSpice126]

I don't have experience in this but didn't want to leave you hanging... I'm pretty sure most people would feel like you do in these circumstances, it sounds really really difficult. I think you are sleep deprived, worried about your children and feeling a lot of guilt - with a whole load of hormones trying to get back to normal as well. Don't rush to classify this as Something That Is Wrong (if that makes sense), I think it will settle down as you heal and settle back into life as normal. That doesn't mean you should ignore possible symptoms of PND, by all means keep a note of them and take action if they get worse, but focus on the positives and that things will get better soon.

And congratulations new arrival! Rest as much as you can. Can you write down a list of jobs that need doing so everything gets done?

[cupcake78]

Very simply it could be the onset/spark of PND but honestly your under a hell of a lot of pressure and it doesn't have to be!

Firstly give yourself a break and just consider what your trying to do! You have 4 children all of who you are trying to be mum to under very very difficult circumstances. There is only one of you to go round!

Your frustrated you can't do what you want after a very hard birth and now trying to deal with the complications. You are sleep deprived, had major surgery only 3 weeks ago and trying to be in 2/3 places at once. Then there are those retched hormones!

Time for a bloody good cry and to set some priorities. Your health is essential for the future of your family. You must rest when you can! The more you do the faster your recovery. How old are your older children? Can they not help with the clothes sorting and arranging if you direct them? In the grand scheme of things does it matter for a few days if they are in the wrong draw?

The kitchen bin will not be full forever. It's only a kitchen bin. I know its annoying and the least your dh can do but getting upset over it isn't helping the greater cause which is your health and recovery. Walk away from the bin you can't do everything!

Your doing alot and are under alot of strain. Pick your battles.

[elliejjtiny]

Thanks everyone. Older children are 7 next week, 5 and 2.5. Part of the clothes problem is that before my waters broke I decided to sort out all the outgrown clothes into boxes and labelled so that DH can bring the next size up clothes for DS2 and DS3 down from the loft as well as the newborn/0-3 clothes for DS4 when he puts the outgrown stuff up. Problem is my waters broke when I was less than half way through so I went into hospital with everything in a disorganised mess. I think DS1 could help me finish the job this week if I bribe him .

The list of jobs for DH is a good idea. I'm not sure about the HV. I think she is very focussed on being the first point of contact for DS4 and being the one to update the paed and the cleft nurse on how he's getting on (she is probably worried she'll look stupid if the paed asks her about DS4 and she hasn't seen him for months). But this is my 4th baby, my 2nd with severe low muscle tone and the constant checking up on me makes me feel like I'm expected to fail.

I find DH is wanting to tell people that I'm doing really well with recovering from the C-section and coping with everything and I feel like I'm letting him down if I say that actually I'm feeling awful at the moment.

I'll talk to the midwife when I see her on Monday. I feel similar to how I felt when I had PND before but I didn't have all this other stuff going on last time.

[SugarandSpice126]

The clothes thing is a temporary 'ARGH!' and you can fix it - bribing DS1 sounds like a good plan! You can lie down on the bed and point, job done!

You won't fail, so please don't think that. I don't really know what "failing" would look like, to be honest. I don't think there is any "failing" in this, you just do the best you possibly can, which you are already doing. You sound like a brilliant mother :)

Let us know how the midwife visit goes. You could let her know you're feeling very stressed/don't feel as though you're coping very well, but give yourself a break - you're a mum for 4 and it's going to be tough work, and you're doing the best you can :)