I failed again and I am feeling like a terrible mother.

(15 Posts)
3Caramel Thu 30-May-13 10:46:51

Please don't feel like you've failed! BF can be really hard work and doesn't always work out - it's not you're fault. Either get some bf specialist help, as everyone has suggested, or just more on.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with bottle feeding - in fact it can be a lot quicker than bf anyway, so may make things easier for you in the long term as you already have an older toddler to deal with.

All that matters is you're kiddies are happy & healthy & fed, with a Mum who is there for them, which you are. Please don't add this to the long list of other things that us Mums feel guilty about!

Good luck with your new BS smile

Forgetfulmog Thu 30-May-13 10:37:59
Forgetfulmog Thu 30-May-13 10:31:52

Op just wanted to echo the others in that you are definately not a failure. You really need to get some RL bf support though. Also there's a product that might help...

video for inverted nipples - how to bf

MissLurkalot Thu 30-May-13 10:27:14

You've got some great advice here... But I just wanted to hold your hand... You're not a failure... Xxxx

ChairmanWow Thu 30-May-13 10:23:31

I'm in a similar situation to you. I couldn't bf my two either (the youngest is 8 weeks old). I tried for 4 weeks with each of them but couldn't produce any milk, even with medication to help lactation. I also have flat nipples and couldn't get them to latch, even with nipple shields.

After my first DC ended up on formula I too felt like an utter failure. My NCT course had drummed it into us that all women can breastfeed. So of course it was my fault, at least in my mind. I had months of feeling like an utter failure and a shit mother.

Two years on I've got a thriving toddler, and my baby is thriving too. If you do decide to carry on and are successful that's great. If you simply can't do it then please, please don't beat yourself up. The fact that you've tried so hard is testament to what a brilliant mum you are. You clearly love your kids to pieces otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about this.

Feeding is just one part of the jigsaw that makes up motherhood. There is so, so much more to being a mum. Also please realise that while breast milk is great, formula is perfectly nutritious too - don't listen to anyone who tells you formula is bad.

It sounds like you're grieving about not being able to breast feed. If you keep feeling low then it might be worth seeking out some help from your GP or a counsellor. Please, please be kind to yourself and don't describe it as a failure. There are many things we will try with our kids that won't work over the years, and many things that will. Carry on giving your kids love and attention and they will know what a great mum you are.

Futterby Wed 29-May-13 23:32:15

You haven't failed. As has been said, you could try nipple shields. There's a link here for some, just so you can see if you fancy it. flowers

audweb Mon 27-May-13 13:20:48

I have invoerted nipples and am successfully feeding almost four months in with nipple shields so they are also worth a try. My D also uses a dummy and a bottle and has done from an early age. If you want to make a go of it there may be ways. Hugs either way, the early days are tough.

stargirl1701 Wed 22-May-13 21:33:58

How are doing today Vader?

quip Tue 21-May-13 19:46:25

I remember day 6. In a teary haze, my clothes soaked in milk, ds failing to latch on and me convinced I was going to pieces and it would be like this forever.

It's not too late to breastfeed. I gave up until I got some support on day 12. Also, formula feeding is okay too. Hugs to you. It will get better.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Italy Tue 21-May-13 19:39:26

Express. Start expressing now til you can get some proper help. That will keep your supply up. You need a good electric double pump

I fed by DS exclusively with expressed milk til around 20 weeks and he was having 38oz a day so it can be done but you need to get your supply up before it dries up. I used an ameda lactaline pump and friends who have used that vis a vis a medela thought the ameda was just as good (but a bit cheaper). Yiu can get one with amazon prime so it could be there within 24 hours. In the interim, send DH out for another pump to keep you going.

It is tiring to start with as you need to express and feed. However, DH used to do the feeding whilst I expressed. Within 4 weeks I could get 38oz exoressing 4 times a day and at 12 weeks I dropped the night expressing and went down to 3 times a day

I'm pregnant with DC 2 now and don't know whether I'll be able to her/him to latch on. But if not, I'll try the exoressing again. If I can't devote the same time due to having DS as well, I'll definitely try and mix feed

I don't think there is enough support or help given within the NHS with regards to expressing as a main firm of feeding. I got no advice or assistance and it was only due to having an amazing DH who looked into things and helped me with the hand expressing at first that I got established.

Also - dont worry if you get what looks like nothing to start with. I remember thinking how on earth would I get 2 oz and very quickly I could express 10 oz in about 15 minutes.

Good luck - even if it doesn't work out, yiu have tried everything you can and that is all that can be asked

Ps - also get DC looked at for tongue tie

Cravingdairy Tue 21-May-13 18:53:13

Mine had gallons of formula as a newborn but we were feeding well by 12 weeks and she then became a bottle refuser! She is still BFing at 20 months. Ask your midwife for specialist support, and ring a BF helpline tonight. They might be able to send someone round to see you. There are things you can try. Above all you are not a failure.

NatashaBee Tue 21-May-13 18:44:35

Firstly, it's not too late, if you want to continue breastfeeding. Have you spoken to your health visitor? or try the La Leche League or bf helplines as stargirl suggested. I also heard that nipple shields were really good for pulling the nipple into the right shape and helping baby latch on.

Secondly... even if you do decide not to carry on, you have given your child an amazing start. I always think that anyone who manages to breastfeed for any length of time at all, should get a gold star for every day they manage to continue, rather than beating themselves up they didn't manage it for longer. It's bloody hard work.

stargirl1701 Tue 21-May-13 18:40:18

No. It isn't. You can still bf. You need real life help. Is there a bf cafe near you? LLL meeting? Have you phoned any of the bf helplines?

Have you tried a Latch Assist? Have you tried nipple shields?

Have you looked on kellymom.com? Have you looked at Dr Jack Newman's site? Have you got a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding?

It is not too late. At all.

GeoffVader Tue 21-May-13 18:35:10

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GeoffVader Tue 21-May-13 18:07:11

Failed to breastfeed..again. I am so angry with myself it is unreal. DS is 6 days old. He is still rooting for my breast when I hold him, have been feeding formula since day 2 as he was going crazy trying to find my nipples (they are inverted).

I was upset about this when it happened after the birth of my daughter, she got too upset round nipples and by time I could get her near feeding it was no good she kept pulling off.

I am really angry with myself and upset, I know I should be happy DS is eating anything. I have ruined it again, and there is nothing I can do to fix it, I have given him a dummy and used bottles so the teat confusion is going to be way too strong now isn't it.

I am so pissed off with myself. I have taken it out on DD and DP today and that isn't fair.

I'm terrified I will get PND because of this.

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