I fed up. I'm veering between an emotional, tearful but not crying slob and full of absolute anger and rage at who knows what.
The house is a tip and is very much reflecting how I feel. Nothing is in its place, stuff is piled up everywhere and the dc are driving me potty in between moments where they are utterly adorable.
My husband is being so loving and trying to understand but that just makes me feel even more of a failure.
I was diagnosed moderate to severe pnd when my dts were 5 months old. It was discussed that i also possibly had pnd after the birth of ds1 as he was quite poorly at 7 weeks. dd1 was a breeze and while i adore all 4 dc, i sometimes wonder what it would have been like if i stopped at her. A bit of juggling about with medication helped but now I feel like I've crashed into an abyss with no way of getting out. I post elsewhere here about other stuff. But it's hard to admit even to myself how in really feeling. I just want to shut myself away and ignore the world. I'm forcing myself to go out and meet friends. I had a truly lovely night Friday, but it really was only for those few hours I was out. I didn't get up until lunchtime the following day simply because I didn't have the dc to worry about, they were at my parents. Quite frankly if I didn't have to get up for them I know I wouldn't and its been a struggle to give the dts their morning milk and breakfast before dinner. That's just not fair on them!
Hello, didn't want to read and run- I hope you're feeling a bit better. Have you mentioned to the doctor about the abyss? As maybe there's something they can do to help? Well done for managing to go out and meeting people xx