Antenatal depression

[Worried999999]

Name changed as I'm a bit of a coward. Will try not to ramble too much but apologize in advance if I do.

I'm 16weeks pregnant, found out at 11weeks through a routine blood test. Happy and shocked as was diagnosed with pcos and told would be hard to conceive. I had split up with my partner and moved out back home with parents a month before finding out.

I had my 12week scan and all is well, told family and close friends who were all supportive and happy. But started to dread people asking how excited I was, how I must be over the moon and all the other questions.

Since all this I moved again to a new area for a fresh start. Started to realize that I really wasn't happy at all, every time someone got excited about baby and about how pleased I must be, I honestly felt like crying and a total freak.
How come everyone else is so excited and I honestly feel like jumping off a bridge at the mere mention of anything baby related.

Felt like I was completely going off the rails and about to break down so managed to mustered up the courage to go to my new gp, who said I was suffering with Antenatal depression. I still haven't heard from new midwife after change over, so feeling quite lost in that respect.
Did a little looking and was told to go back and ask to be referred for counselling which I did today, hes going to look into whats available for me.

I guess I'm just looking to see if there's anyone else who's been through the same. Any websites, groups etc people could recommend? Did counselling help? I'm one of those people that keep everything bottled up, and the thought of having to physically tell someone how I feel scares me, especially as I feel so guilty for how I'm thinking.

Fed up of feeling like a total ogre, guilty of hiding being pregnant from half my friends because I can't deal with putting on a smiley face, and wondering if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry again for rambling and thankyou

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

There will be someone along here experienced and wiser than me to advise and encourage you, but please don't knock yourself - it takes courage to open up and many women feel at their most vulnerable during pregnancy let alone if their circumstances change at the very outset. You have taken action, and I hope you get the counselling and support you deserve very soon.

There's no telling how other people react to news but you have no obligation to explain away anything to all and sundry, just those who can offer help at this time. "Never apologise, never explain" I wish you all the best.

[BabyHMummy]

worried9999 - OMG reading your post i could be writing it myself!

I have pcos and was told for 17 years that i would never conceive naturally. I found out just before xmas that i am pregnant with my new partner (only together for 4 months when we found out) and I feel exactly the same.

I have been suffering with anxiety and depression since i found out and was putting a lot down to work stress and life changes but there is a big part of it that is down to the fact i don't know how to feel about being pregnant. i just feel numb

I have no real advice other than to tell you that i am fairly sure what we are feeling is perfectly natural considering the circumstances. try not to bottle up how you are feeling though hun as i can assure you from personal experience that it makes it all a whole lot worse! pm me if you wanna chat xxx

[hawkmcqueen]

Hi there, just stumbled on your post. Just wanted to say I had antenatal depression. It was with my second and near the end of my pregnancy. I was referred to counselling and did it for 9 months after birth and it was defo helpful, so take the opportunity. I think when you are going through big life changes along with pregnancy hormones it is a very strong cocktail. Mine culminated at the time in REALLY not wanting a girl and I was pregnant with a girl, very overwhelming. My father was very I'll at the time and passed away 9 days before DD was born. Anyway just saying that you are going through a lot right now, don't dismiss how much stress you are under with the break up and move home, that's enough to deal with on it's own. You will get through this though and love your baby, promise xxx

[jjsmammy]

Hi, just thought id let you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was told in my early 20s that i would never have children. I moved to a new area after my divorce then met my fiance. after 6 months we fell pregnant and i feel like i went crazy. I lost my job, self harmed and lashed out at my partner (nothing im proud of) his family wound me up lots. i wanted the baby but couldn't handle the constant worry i was feeling. i wouldn't take anti depressants as i was worried they would harm him, it got really bad.
Then at 28 weeks i was told my baby had stopped growing, we decided to move back to my home town, and i gave birth at 31 weeks to the most gorgeous baby boy weighing only 2lb 12oz, as soon as i saw him it was like all the darkness lifted away from me, he was there and mine and i couldnt wait to be a mummy. I can honestly say Its been brilliant and hes now almost 2 and a half years old.<br /> <br /> I hope it helps to know that its nothing new you are feeling, and that it wont stop you from being an amazing mummy. just take it one day at a time (also id take the anti depressants if i could do it over again, discuss it with your doctor) just keep thinking about your beautiful baby. theres not a better feeling in the world than holding your own child :)

[honey86]

im sorry your going through this... ive had postnatal depression but not antenatal depression. til now. im lucky, i have three kids already, preg with #4. ive been doing well, been on my current tablets for a year and come out the other side. but since i got pregnant again, i can feel that slope getting a little slippy. im tired, devoid of emotion and not interested in anything, distant. im not sure if its hormones that triggered it, the rows with oh or my kitchen being rebuilt (im autistic and hate change).

what dont help is people going 'another one?' 'you must be mad' 'are you sure youll cope?' etc etc etc

im just going to keep on my tabs, see my special needs psychologist and if i need to, tell my midwife at my next appointment in 4 weeks. im 12+3.

dont leave it and struggle alone, accept whatever help or support you can and look after yourself. your welcome to have a ramble on here anytime x

[JenCole]

I echo all these other posts, being pregnant is difficult and there are no rules on how you must feel. Seek help and advice and don't be fobbed off. I've gone over my GPs head and arranged to see my consultant directly to get advice re my anxiety. Good luck

[RatherUninspired]

Hi Worried, looks like this is quite an old post but I will respond anyway.

I really struggle with antenatal depression and really can sympathise with what you are saying. I too have felt and continue to feel really guilty about not being 'excited' about the baby or basically just finding all the attention and comments from others about how amazing it is really hurt me.

I was struggling with depression/anxiety before the pregnancy. I thought getting pregnant and having a baby might help me plus help me get out of an awful situation at work. I kinda knew that was naive at the time but it just seemed like the solution so please don't judge me.

I feel quite angry (often at myself sometimes) for bringing a life into the world when I really need help myself. I have started seeing a private counselor as I was getting passed from pillar to post with the NHS and I am also afraid to tell them how I really feel (even though I have been referred and seen a perinatal DR twice and been to the DR on numerous occasions). I just can't stand being seen in a 'bad light' and after being passed around to mental healthcare providers and back again I just feel so lost and angry at the service.

Anyway so I have gone to a private counsellor - not sure how its helping to be honest as she kind of just sits there and its a bit awkward would be nice to have someone who suggests more things to help/gives you perspective but I feel i do need to keep seeing her as I am worried about what might happen if left entirely to my own.

I have tried to be honest with some friends but I honestly don't think they have a clue when it comes to stuff like this and from some of our chats they see it as 'pregnancy is a happy time - there is no other way it can be'. I think a few might have just been a bit worried but i hate pity I just want them to see and understand that I am not a freak I just don't have the maternal/lovely feelings tht we expect in pregnancy.

I bought a book on antenatal second hand from amazon which might help you or others suffering. It is good if like me you have a bit of time to read and don't want to openly discuss your thoughts with others. I do wish there were more stories from people who have recovered though. I feel terrible often as I don't really have anything 'wrong' with me or the pregnancy. I didn't get morning sickness, any physical illness, I have a supportive partner and am ok financially I just don't feel well within myself which I think is the most important aspect of having a baby - this is what makes me feel most like a failure. I have been trying so hard and what hurts is that it is a private battle.

I don't have a great relationship with my mum and this pregnancy seems to have dragged up a lot of old issues I thought I was over. On the surface you would think I have no problems with my mother (I can't talk to her about these so just pretend I am fine - it's just the way it's always been with my mum)- she has never liked me to talk about my mental health problems and I think now sometimes how selfish she is -then i feel awful for thinking this like its me that is selfish or something such a vicious circle. It just annoys me how she wants to be involved now but when I was younger she was very busy/not much time for me as a person (only the good not the bad) and I feel like i have to involve her now in this very personal journey and feel quite resentful of her for those reasons - can anyone relate??

Here is the link to the book: www.amazon.co.uk/Antenatal-Postnatal-Depression-Practical-ebook/dp/B007Q25S0M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376211420&sr=8-1&keywords=antenatal%20depression&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[mrslopez520]

Hey everyone so I'm 25 I'm 5 months pregnant and I'm struggling very bad with this antenatal depression! It's horrible I'm scared I feel lost, numb, like I'm in a deal cloud and can't come out. I'm constantly sad, always in bed having bad thoughts, I m married and have a 4 year old daughter who are my world and I feel so guilty because they have to deal with my depression as well. I just started an antidepressant called citalopram and I'm hoping it helps soon an all this pain just goes away. I just want reassurance that everything is going to be ok and it'll get better and that I'm not alone. This feeling is just so unbearable I can't take it anymore. Please help someone!!!!

[vicvegas]

Hi mrslopez520. I just saw your message. I believe I know how you feel. I have 3 year old twins and had to try for 3 years and many fertility tests and treatments to get pregnant. When I did finally get pregnant I experienced the most frightening time of my life. Extreme anxiety, basically about everything to come. I felt so out of control. It sounds like you are experiencing the same. It is the most horrific feeling. I didn't get help and suffered all through the pregnancy. Do you have a sympathetic gp? I didn't find the help but you need to persist. You need hubby or someone to come to the gp with you and support you. How are you getting on? Please let me know. XXXXX

[beltanelove]

Hi

I just wrote a long post but something went wrong and it has deleted. I will just mention the basics.

I dont think I thought carefully enough about having a baby, I think it was a reaction to previous termination and I had convinced myself I wouldnt get pregnant again. I am angry at myself for this

I am 27 yrs and 31 wks pg with first child. My relationship has been unstable previously but up until 5 months pg felt really good and stable. The rest of life wasnt stable as i was told by gp to come off my antidepressants immediately when 7 wks pg. I had a bad withdrawal and took two months off work for stress. At 5 ,months I was back at work and felt more content, however we then moved in with my bf's father to support him after an accident. We are still there living without much space at all. At 5 and half months I found out my bf had a one night stand two weeks prior. I reacted v badly, panic attacks, rage, anger, suicidal thoughts. We have been working through this however I now feel very unstable in the relationship, am questioning everything.

We are due to move into a house in an area we both like, closeish to family. However I am very unsettled when i see friends. None of them have children, they appear to have all options open still, whereas my life feels like it is over. I feel this isnt where I should be, am trapped forever with no prospect of fulfilling any dreams or ambitions. I dont feel excited, I feel numb and sad.

I am having thoughts of wanting to be erased and to just click my fingers and my mess of a life will go away. I feel so guilty for these thoughts. I am now one week back on my antidepressants after talking to my consultant. Some days are bearable but the smallest thing can trigger me off. Today it was a friend asking after an ex bf of mine who is travelling the world, saying "wow its crazy to thin k how different your life could have been". I have been turning this phrase over in my head for hours, crying as I feel I will always regret not doing more adventurous things before having my little boy. i am now just numb and dont know what to do. I am so worried io will have pnd and that everything will crash down around me and i will end up on a psych ward.


Dont know what to do. I am anxious and so full of fear.

Feel bit silly posting, and selfish.

Thanks.

[Manzanita]

Just stumbled on this post and glad to see I'm not alone. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden this last week I've been suffering depression. I was fine before and now suddenly I can't sleep which is turning this depression thing into a vicious cycle. I'm living abroad away from family & friends and im not working (so too much time to think) which probably doesn't help but in reality I have a great husband, we're not rolling in it but we're ok financially so I know it must be hormonal.
I'm very adverse to taking any pills though... While it seems like I've been upset for ages in reality I know it's only been a week. I wonder how people best got through it? Pills? Counselling? Just trying to let it pass...? Does this end???

[firstpglivingabroad]

what did everyone do? I'm living abroad, no close friends and family. It's looking as though my partner has walked out on me. I don't know where he is, which continent even, or how to contact him. He's ignoring texts, emails, everything.

I have 6 weeks left in my current job (I quit so I could go with him to his next posting), my visa here expires in less than 2 months so will need to return to the UK. I have no work, nowhere to live, and no money. I really don't know what to do at the moment, I can't stop crying.