On Friday I was diagnosed with PND. I apparantly scored 28 out of 30 on the HVs test for it :/
My DD is 9 months old and she is my world. However I have been trying to be the perfect Mum (whatever that is) for months and I have just worn myself into the ground. I've lost a tonne of weight and at 5'7 I now weigh just 46kg (7 stone 3). I clean and cook and look after my DD and walk the dog every day from 6am until 8pm when I sit down for dinner. I constantly feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm letting people down, I'm not a good enough Mum. I also returned to work 3 days a week at the start of Feb so have been getting up, doing all the chores, going to work, coming home and doing more chores. Then insomnia hit and I just got so tired.
I didn't even realise the mess I was in until my family and DH staged an intervention. I went to the Drs and was diagnosed with severe PND. He's given my Citalopram to take but I'm wary because I've had anti-depressants in the past that haven't agreed with me. Does anyone have any experience with these pills?
My HV has also referred me for counselling. This was yesterday morning, last night the mental health team phoned up and they are sending someone out within a week to assess me due to the fact I have a young daughter. Usually the waiting list for counselling in my area is at least 8 weeks. So now I'm panicking thinking that they think I'm completely mad or something. Yet the HV said that it was obvious that I adore DD and am a fit mother, I'm just trying too hard to be perfect at other things. I phoned the Dr before and he said it's very unusual for the mental health team to come out on a home visit unless they think that person is dangerous! Which I really am not and he agreed with me and told me to phone him as soon as they've been. I'm utterly terrified now!
I just needed to vent really. It's been a tough few days. All the adrenaline that's kept me going the past few months has vanished and I'm so exhausted I feel like I've got flu or something. :(
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What a complete and utter mess I'm in.
27 replies
MahnaMahna · 20/03/2013 16:54
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