I'm not coping. ds2 is 17wks, and after over a year of pnd with ds1 I thought I'd got away with it. but in the last week or two it's like a switch has flipped - I can't cope, can barely hold it together and just want to escape. I just want to lie down and shut my eyes and be left alone.
I need somehow to break this pattern of negativity. please, can anyone help? I really want to avoid taking antidepressants.
I don't feel like my time has been wasted, don't worry. Glad you're feeling better & we'll still be here if you ever need a chat
You haven't wasted our time, don't be daft. Really glad you're feeling a bit better. Lack of sleep is utterly awful, it's easy to feel low when you're utterly knackered. Look at it this way though: the hard part is over, sleep wise, your DS should start sleeping longer and longer with every passing week. That's the plan anyway!
Take care OP. Post back if you need support x
I don't know what my reticence is with talking to hcp's about this. saw the hv today and downplayed it, but then I am feeling brighter atm. I think I don't feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing with people I know and trust, let alone perfect strangers. probably sounds like a terrible excuse but hv's generally do my head in and I find GPs a bit abrupt and rushed.
I've spoken to dh about it and we're going to see how things go. I'm more aware now, having had pnd with ds1, and now having had this episode. I don't want pnd to ruin my mat leave this time round, but I think sleep has a lot to do with my mood and it's been so crap recently that could be why. sleep's been a bit better the past two nights and my mood's improved accordingly.
I don't want to feel like I've wasted your time and I really appreciate all your support - I was really panicking a couple of days ago and felt really alone, and your responses made me feel less alone. if I have another big dip in mood I will talk to my GP and see what they can do.
long rambly post...thank you for sticking with me!
My HV said she was going to refer me to a PND group at the Children's Centre which has a crèche. Might be worth speaking to yours to see if they offer anything similar?
OK. Well, your GP can't force you to do/take anything you don't want to. That's up to you. Do you have a nice GP?
That is a problem about childcare. Is there no one who could take the DCs for an hour while you went?
Hope you're feeling ok today.
no I haven't. keep telling myself I'll wait to see what happens first. I'm just worried they'll try to push me to take ad's and won't have anything else helpful to say. I'm not really sure what they can do - I wouldn't be able to make it to counselling because I couldn't get childcare.
Hurrah, glad you're feeling a bit more positive! Have you made an appointment to see your GP yet?
thank you that's a lovely offer! I'm near the south side of the m25 so a bit of a distance, prob about an hour away. I need to stop hiding and get in touch with local friends, it just feels like hard work when I'm so tired.
I am feeling slightly more positive today, after a slightly better night's sleep. it makes such a big difference. really hoping I can pull myself out of this thing before it gets too bad.
Whereabouts, I'm in Brighton & if I can help in any way (or sympathise with cake) let me know
Whereabouts do you live Crazy?
thanks cupcake. I hope I haven't been misleading, ds1 actually goes to a cm 2 days a week but she's taking 13 weeks leave this year, starting soon in a 4 week batch, which is leaving me feeling a bit panicky. I really wish I had more family particularly because I find it hard asking friends for help.
I understand op, I've had depression many times and had PND with a bad sleeper.
Lack of sleep and support is a recipe for disaster when it comes to getting better. Can your DH take sometime off work to allow you to rest? You sound exhausted! Even split feeding on nights to give you the chance for a longer stretch. If he can't are you sure you don't have anyone you can go and visit / stay with to give you a rest.
You need more support. If there really is no one go to your health visitor or gp or look at a childminder for a few hrs a week. It doesn't have to cost a fortune and its not forever.
blue2 thank you, I'll have a look at that. never heard of that before, what a good idea.
back to shrieking baby...
Fair enough, I find it difficult socialising when I'm not really on form.
Homestart sounds great!
Do you have a Homestart organisation near you? They are pretty much all over the country. Google them, or ask your GP or HV. They'll know.
You'll get a visit from Homestart to see what you need, generally, then you'll get a lovely volunteer who will visit you once a week, let you cry on her (probably her) shoulder, take DC1 off your hands down to the swings - or hold the fort while you go and get your hair cut.... or any other scenario you care to think of!
Its not means tested - its free - and its for people just like you.
Here's the link:www.home-start.org.uk/
I do go to quite a few different activities for ds1 but find it all quite stressful, supervising him and looking after ds2 in the sling who is the ultimate Velcro baby. I never really get a chance to chat to people, and if I do it's all fairly polite and never results in friends being made.
Afternoon crazypaving. Is there a local baby group you can take yourself off to for an hour? Somewhere where DS1 can let off some steam and you can have a cup of tea and cuddle the baby?
Sorry if that's an unhelpful suggestion and you can't bear to think of socialising, you just sound so alone. I'm sure there will be other mums in the same boat in your area, or at least someone to empathise?
thank you for being so kind, stepmooster. I wish I had lots of family but I just don't and I'm crap at making friends so they're thin on the ground too. sometimes I feel very alone.
I'm getting out every day and wandering about a bit like a zombie, trying really hard not to shout at ds1 I keep thinking that surely it'll get easier when the weather improves and there's more daylight, but that can be dangerous - I told myself everything would be easier after Christmas and I think that's what's caused this crash, cos it's not easier. nights are worse, I'm more exhausted, and both boys are so demanding all the time. I just want a break and a decent amount of sleep.
Hi Crazypaving, can I please send you an electronic hug. I have suffered from depression a few times and have had to be on medication for the most serious bouts. I wouldn't rule out meds straight away, but I do believe in my case at least, that with the right family and peer support it is possible to defeat the demon with their support.
BUT you do need support and from as many people as possible who love and care for you. You have done a brave thing to ask for help on MN but you must talk to your DH and your family and close friends. It is easy to think when depressed that you are not worth troubling people for, or that you should just get on with it. You can't just get on with it and you are worth it.
Maybe there are some family members who would love some grandchildren/nephew or neice cuddles whilst you have a lie down or do something for you like have a haircut.
Best of luck and please if you do find yourself getting more depressed talk to your GP, medication can really help when things get really bad. (Hug)
2 kids is way harder than one, I adore mine but today I could shut both of them in the shed & leave them there. DS1 is whining right now & I am counting down the seconds until DH gets home.
And it's worse when DS1 notices I'm upset, I didn't have to worry about that when he was tiny.
helsbels somehow with 2 it seems worse for me. god it's hard keeping things on an even keel for ds1 who's 2.3. but yes, not insurmountable I suppose.
DS2 is 4 months & I thought I'd got away with it too, until I sat upstairs over the Christmas period & cried. When I was in bed it was so hard to drag myself out of bed & face anyone, I knew it was time to get help. Am waiting for counselling to deal with my deeper rooted problems. Will get there eventually. At least having had it with DS1 I know that it is surmountable.
No problem OP. I had horrendous PND with DS1 & have it but in a different way with DS2. Antidepressants are the only thing that got me through the short term & am getting help for the longer term.
Hope you feel better soon however you tackle it.
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