Is it PND or am I just lonely?

(10 Posts)
Jac1978 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:01:55

I have a perfect happy nine month old baby and a very supportive husband yet I cry myself to sleep most nights. I used to work full time and everyday I was told how brilliant I am, now I just feel useless. I cant afford to go back full time due to childcare costs but family can provide childcare a couple of days a week - my employers could have had me back part time as a job share but chose not to and don't seem to care if I come back or not. Although I think it's best for a lot of reasons that I'm a stay at home mum, I can't help missing my job - the people, the banter, the variety. Now my days at home with the baby feel very long and my in-laws constantly pick at me, I feel like I loathe them and can't bear to be around them. I do go to mums groups and have good days and bad days there - it takes me time to make friends. I just feel so lonely though and so pathetic when I'm desperate for my mum to come over to keep me company. I live in a village and don't drive and can go whole days without hardly seeing a soul and I always sit eating my lunch alone on my lap and it feels pathetic. I wish I could stop feeling like this but I can't see how it will stop. How do I know if I have PND or if I am just feeling low?

fluffacloud Sun 11-Nov-12 23:18:37

Hi Jac

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time.

PND or indeed any type of depression is a nasty experience. If you are crying yourself to sleep most nights I think a chat with your GP is in order, thats not 'normal' behaviour.

In the meantime you should try and get as much support as you can, your mum, friends and your DH. Maybe a chat with someone out loud will make you feel a little lighter.

Being a SAHM can be bloody hard and it's not for everyone, especially if you crave the validation of being good at something, that is yours alone and not connected to motherhood.

I felt much the same as you describe before I returned to work and for me, part time work helped my battle for self worth outside the home. It made me happy and therefore, a better mum.

Good luck!

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:19:57

I'd say you are feeling more lonely than anything, but you are not pathetic. babies are sweet, but demanding and life at home can be boring sometimes!

<sorry, be back soon>

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sun 11-Nov-12 23:21:45

I felt like that. When my son started walking I found it a lot easier to get out and about, just things like feeding the ducks, playing in the park that sort of thing. Still the only person I'll speak to in the day is the lady at the check out. But I think I'm a bit more used to it now. I think adjusting to the new role is MASSIVE, I found it got easier to live with. Obviously if you start to feel sadder or it goes on longer then speak to someone xxx

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:30:43

DD needs milk, bear with me..

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:34:10

sorry, your 9 months old had been walking oryou say that about and older child?

amazingmumof6 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:43:01

a friend found she couldn't cope around the time her DC was 1 yr old.

she had PND, late onset, going back to work triggered it -go figure!

do see your gp, but it's such a double edged sword, if you are truly depressed you need help (counselling, medication) - you don't want to live with depression and not be treated, it's horrible!

on the other handy ou may just be lonely/sad/bored, which is not nice (certainly crying every night is not normal!) , but you would want to be told you are depressed if you are not!

so before you go to gp, try and find some online test/questionnaires so you can gauge the severity of your problems before involving gps (who may or may not be sympathetic!)

stella1w Sun 11-Nov-12 23:50:49

You may be lonely and depressed. Have you thought about another ptime job to help you have some space/identity?

amazingmumof6 Mon 12-Nov-12 00:04:32

my HV did a test with all new mums in the area including questions like :
do you suffer from lack of sleep and/or exhaustion, have you lost interest in sex, do you worry about the future, do you get easily irritated, have you thought of harming yourself or others?

WTF? yes to all, you bloody idiot, I've just had a baby! And yes, I want to punch you in the face for asking me such dumb questions and annoying me!

I had a very traumatic birth with DS1, episiotomy scar from forceps delivery was painful for 8-9 months, I could not go for lovely walks, new mums already had friends, while I came to England to live here and left all my family and friends.
talking on the phone is not same, so yes I was tearful and felt alone, I do understand you!!! but I was just feeling sorry for myself and somewhat desperate for company!

to say the least I scored just below top marks on her quiz.
she thought I was depressed and needed help. I knew I was fine and she needed her head examined.
she felt dodgy to me and I never trusted her and arranged to be seen by someone else.

years later I found out she had been in connection with a pharmaceutical company and had to reach her termly quota of depressed women who then ended up with medication from that company..

so be careful with this (sorry don't want to scare you)

3plus2 Wed 14-Nov-12 09:35:48

Just want to let you know I feel exactly the same your not alone. It's hard being on your own all the time sad I find my mood lifts at the weekend as my DP is home and we do things together .

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