Choco, how are you feeling now ? Have you found some support from your GP? My situation is nothing comparable to yours but I feel blank inside too. I am staying at my Mum's, DH is away all week, comes back Friday 11pm ish and leaves on Sunday 5pm ish, I have DS who is almost 4 and DD 9 weeks... And I must say I am totally empty inside. I don't feel like talking, I get teary easily, can be very hard on DS and feel guilty, days are all the same, one after another. I m getting help, will see a shrink or kind of in 2 weeks. Not sure I can get over this on my own. Can't stand myself when I scream after DS. Hate it when DD is leftto cry so that I can check on DS...
It is massive thing to have your DH turn into a scumbag and to have a baby. Things will get better but you have to adjust to a very different reality; it's no wonder you've been thrown off an even keel. Do make sure you're eating and sleeping enough though
Thank you for your reply peasant, my parents are around a lot, I do have very good support. I just find that before the baby arrived I was coping a lot better. Now I'm coping but I feel flat. Like tonight, I made dinner, but I have no appetite at all. The baby started crying as soon as I sat down to eat and continued for 40 mins. So I ate a little but hardly at all, I managed to feed him (am breastfeeding) quite calmly, but I feel a little disconnected now. I can't be bothered to clean the kitchen, I ache all over, I don't want to go to bed but I'm tired. I know what I need to do tomorrow but there's nothing I look forwards to.
On the other hand, I am obviously for good reason tired. I do leave my house every day. I put on make up, I make an effort, I laugh easily when I do see friends. Most remark often about how positive I seem. I can be optimistic, or realistic, when questioned. But when I'm alone I feel... nothing really. A bit blank. I don't know what that is. Then when I'm not blank, I feel anxiety like a rising feeling of sickness and my thoughts just go all over the place. I guess I don't really understand why I am fine, happy even, in company. But alone I feel so weird.
The whole situation sounds awful and whether you have PND or not, you definitely need support. I'm glad you're going to the doctor. Do you have supportive friends and relatives nearby? Would you be able to ask any of them to look after your DS for an afternoon from time to time?
in brief, my H left me in Jan, 15weeks pg with a 17mo. Baby now 12weeks old, DS now 2.2mo.
My relationship with STBXH under tremendous strain - he moved in with OW almost immediately and is pushing for divorce all the time (even 3 weeks post birth when he was meant to be spending time with our newborn, he was hassling me about it). He is bullying and puts me down any time I say no to him, which obviously makes me upset.
What I'm not sure about now is if I'm upset, or just sick with stress/anxiety or getting PND. I expect to feel pretty shit tbh, because it's a shit situation. But now I'm getting periods of time in the day of up to an hour or more at a time where I feel really low, and nauseaus. I am struggling to eat (history of anorexia, so I am pushing on through to avoid relapse). I feel sad and worst of all, incredibly irritable with 2yo DS. Not all the time though, just for these waves that last 1 - 1.30 hours.
I am finding it hard to sleep obsessing over the problems that have been going on. To a certain extent I guess this is normal, I'm a new lone parent and have a horrible ex, who I have to see for contact all the time. But should I be worried about the rest of it? How much feeling 'sad' is normal and when is it not normal anymore? I do feel tearful, and not myself, but my life isn't what it used to be either...
Gah, I go round and round in circles. I am seeing my GP on Friday I just feel shattered and upset. Could do with some hand-holding in between.