Where to get help?

[Missy77]

Not really sure where to start.....I've never posted on here and I'm finding it hard to admit how I feel. About 16 months ago I had a very traumatic labour, ending in an emergency section and a very poorly daughter with suspected brain damage (thankfully she is now fine). I suffered with depression after this (possibly PTSD), and eventually got treatment after 7 months of feeling bad and not being able to bond with my daughter. I'm now pregnant again, terrified of the birth, have no feelings for the new baby, cry all the time and feel like a terrible mother. My husband is less than supportive, and mocked me while on treatment earlier this year. However, he thinks he is husband and father of the year!!! I'm really struggling, and can't seem to find it in me to even pretend to be happy about being pregnant. It's hard to admit tho as I feel like a failure: this should be a happy time. Im not sure if this is a normal hormonal response or whether I need help?!

[LittlePoot]

Oh sweetie-I'm sorry I only have a minute bit didn't want to leave this unanswered. Yes-this is a totally normal hormonal response, but yes I do think there should be some help available which can get you through it. PND to me is just a hormonal response, but that doesn't mean it doesn't need treating. Mine certainly benefited from some lovely drugs...

Please go to your doctor (or a more sympathetic if yours if an arse) and be honest about how you feel. It's very common and totally understandable given ask you've been through, not to mention the support you're getting from git of the year, and there are things you can do. There are drugs you can take during pregnancy and breast feeding, there is counselling you can be referred for and there are support networks you can get in place ready for the birth. I'm thinking about this in case I get pregnant again and looking at how to involve groups like home start. Your doctor and midwife will know how to advise-you're really not alone and you will get through. You've done it before and you'll do it again. You're a lot stronger than you feel right now, I promise. x

[Jollyb]

Missy77

Sorry you're having such a difficult time. Who did you see previously about your PND? Did you take antidepressants or have any counselling/therapy?

First stop would be your GP. I had antenatal and post natal depression with my daughter. I asked my GP to refer me to the local specialist perinatal psychiatry team.

I was seen a couple of times before the birth and the consultant rang me weekly. I didn't start antidepressants until a few days after the birth. In some scenarios they will prescribe antidepressants during pregnancy but obviously they like to avoid that if possible.

You might benefit from counselling /CBT too. Sooner rather than later so your anxiety doesn't escalate.

Looking to the future you may find that making plans for extra support around/ after the birth takes away some of the stress. Would you consider using a doula? You may be eligible for extra midwifery support too.


Please don't think you are a bad mother . Depression is an illness and your hormones are all over the place at the moment.

[LittlePoot]

Oh God-what terrible typos! Sorry. I hope you get what I mean. Basically-you're having a totally understandable reaction to some horrendous circumstances and it's nothing that can't be fixed with medical help and support. xxxxxxx

[Mylittlepuds]

Hi Missy. I'm in a very similar situation. I had seriously bad PND (anxiety) after birth of DS. He's 17 months now and I still suffer badly with it - Generalised Anxiety Disorder. A kind of freefloating anxiety where I can never quite pin down why I'm worried but I just am, and more days than not it lasts all bloody day. Horrendous.

Anyhow, I was just starting to get my head back together when I discovered I'm pregnant again. Totally unplanned due to what I'd gone through! I'm 8 weeks now and a few days 'it's' been unbearable. I'm hoping this doesn't mean I'm going to be hard again after the birth.

Anyway, just to let you know you're not alone. I'm going through it too :) fingers crossed we'll both be okay and enjoy our new babies, something we didn't get the opportunity to do fully the last time. At the very least we will know what it is we are suffering from if I does strike again (I thought I'd just gone mental) and also the new baby anxieties won't be as intense as we've done it before. The thought of havin two does petrify me though!

[Mylittlepuds]

• hit hard again

[Missy77]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's so good to hear that I'm not on my own. I see my midwife again in a few weeks so I think I will talk to her about it-I seem to recall them saying that they had specialist midwives. Honestly-thank you do much for your comments and support-it means a lot to hear from you all. I hope you are all right about us being stronger having been through it once-it doesn't feel like it right now, but I think you're right. Luckily I have been able to speak to my sister about it all and she is very supportive. She has even offered to use her last bit of annual leave to help me out after the birth!! Mylittlepuds-I really hope you are ok and that everything goes well for you this time around!!! Littlepoot-it was my gp who diagnosed it last time but only because I asked him to help. I lied on all of the depression scales to save face and because I couldn't admit how I felt to anyone else. I'm with a different gp now who seems nice so if I need to see him I hope he will understand. Jollyb-I had medication last time but stupidly only took it for a few months. It became difficult because I didn't want it to be obvious at home: if I was having a bit of an off day, my husband would say "what's wrong with you today? Have you not taken your tablet or something?!" Thanks again everyone-you have really made me feel better about asking for support-it's lowly to hear that help is available and actually works. Xx

[Jollyb]

Missy you're definitely not alone.

Please do see someone sooner than later. They could refer you for counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy before the birth.

As for specialist midwives, my standard midwife visited for 4 weeks rather than the usual 10 days postnatally. I was also allocated a specialist children's centre midwife. (mine went on holiday for the three weeks after my birth and 'forgot' to mention it during any of my antenatal visits but that's another story!!). I also had excellent support from my health visitor.

Don't listen to your partner. Mine occasionally makes unhelpful comments like that too. Glad to hear your sister is being fab. I'd seriously consider taking her up on her offer. Xx