Depression after a baby...anyone else fell like no one could ever understand even if u told them?

[emmak86]

ive got a 6 year old son and a 8 month old baby...ive had depression in the past and recently ive felt it creepin up on me again..slowly but surely there it was! Its like a black cloud over me all the time..the slightest thing that would normally make me feel anxious gets magnified and i feel like things couldnt get any worse.
My partner isnt sympathetic at all and quite outspoken when i try to find the words to explain to him how im feelin i just cant.
Dont get me wrong i love being a mum and wouldnt change it for the world, but sometimes i just need a bit of headspace to just be me.

Am i totally on my own here?? i feel stupid that im even feeling like this

[spanky2]

Yes you need time on your own and if your dp has the dc he will have some bonding time with them. My dh was horrible to me when I had depression. He was very unsupportive and at times unkind. I had PND from my ds2, which was undiagnosed for 3 years. I was really quite ill. I was put on anti-depressants straight away and I started to go running and changed my diet to food rich in amino acids (they stimulate the production of happy hormones.) Go to your doctor. It is nothing to be ashamed of, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Most of my friends have been sufferers of depression at some point! I also had cognitive behaviour therapy to give me the tools to manage my anxiety, which you could see if you could do. Depression creeps up on you. there is no need to suffer you deserve to feel happy. If you get treatment that is a possibility!

[emmak86]

Thanks for the advice.. i saw my health visitor yesterday and funnily enough shes reccomended therapy and the cognitive behaviour therapy after, so i rang the number and theyre sendin me out an assessment form.. ive been on citalopram 20mg now so far for nearly 3 weeks the doc said they take a couple of weeks to get into ur system and to go back in 4 to see how im feeling... they dont seem to have made any change to me except i feel nauseous all the time.
she also recommended i do something for myself/get time on my own but lets face it thats never going to happen x

[spanky2]

I felt sick too. I also felt more anxious. After afew weeks it stopped. I was on citalopram for 6 months. I then changed to venalfaxine as they deal with the anxiety as well. Just before I changed the depression came back and I was having memory blanks and felt like I was wrapped in fur fabric, difficult to describe, I felt slightly detatched from reality. These new happy pills are FAB!
Do you have a friend or family member you could leave your dss with? You need to do some exercise to burn off the cortisol and adreniline in your system. If you can't maybe a walk and run around the park with your dcs or a bounce on the trampoline?
I went to therapy for 2 years as well. Be honest as they are not there to judge. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and been brave to do something about it. You are not alone, or the only one

[Albrecht]

Good to hear you have organised therapy. Why can't you have time off - dp can manage the dc for a couple of hours surely? Even just go for a long bath or to a coffee shop on your own and build from there. It will make you a better parent, its not selfish.

[emmak86]

my partners mum would have the baby if i asked but i dont think he like me asking and he has never been on his own himself with the baby..hes never wanted to , i end up doing most things because he gets frustrated alot of the time!
i havent heard that about the exercise before..ill give it a shot if it helps, perhaps a few trips up the hill to the park or something..we walk to and from school everyday anyway.
I know i need to get myself out there and go to a baby group but i feel so rubbish in myself i havent got the confidence to go and sit in a room full of new people.
I do generally feel like im goin a bit bonkers lol x

[Albrecht]

Right, he needs to take the baby on his own, seriously. Start with half an hour. Not for your sake but for his. Around 6 months a baby needs to start learning who the other parent is and that they are safe and can enjoy time with them. Yes it is frustating looking after small people, he needs to get over that.

Do you think he is really not interested or that possibly he is lacking in confidence and hides that by getting frustrated?

Group is a good idea to. Pick another person who doesn't seem to know anyone and ask how old their baby is, name etc. And then congratulate yourself on having done it.

[spanky2]

I think dp's Mum would be thrilled to spend some time with her grandchild. When you start to feel better you will feel like you have something to say to other people. It is part of the illness that makes you feel like this. I was the same and now I am much better I talk to anyone and everyone. I couldn't even talk to friends two years ago when I wasn't well. You are not bonkers you are ill. You wouldn't tell a diabetic they were bonkers. Give yourself some time, be your friend, you wouldn't tell your friend she was bonkers! You have made an amazing step forward. You know you can get better because you have done it before.

[emmak86]

thank you, its great to get some feedback from other people :)
I think he is not confident with the baby and he just cries when hes with him so he comes to me, he wont feed him cos he just screams at him and he wont cuddle him for long either..think he just needs to get used to the baby a bit more. he sjust not understanding at all which makes it harder!
x

[Albrecht]

Gosh so you do pretty much everything? - no wonder you need some space!

Thing is he will cry if he's not used to him and your partner is not relaxed cos it won't make him feel very relaxed. 8 months he will be able to play with simple toys and on the move soon so easier to interact with than a newborn. Can you suggest some games he might play with him - peekabo or whatever.

When you say he's not understanding, do you think that might be adding to how you are feeling? Have you tried explain he just needs to listen and not fix your problems? Or perhaps you could talk to his mum to give him a bit of a nudge?

[emmak86]

Yeah i think hes adding to it because he gets annoyed when he doesnt understand me and he doesnt understand at all.. Tried to explain as best i could but without much luck, just got a telling off for agreeing to the councillor. Think its because depression isnt sumthing u can really see! And i suppose he wants to help but cant x

[emmak86]

I dont think id feel xcomfortable sharing all this with his mum x

[spanky2]

Talk to the counsellor, not him. You don't have to explain too much to dp's Mum. Just ask her to baby sit. You can explain about PND, if you want to, but don't have to go into detail. It is important for your baby to realise there are other people who are trustable! My friend's dh is just the same, she can't even have a bath without him and the baby following her.

[Albrecht]

Oh dear that sounds tough. Your partner shouldn't be telling you off .

You don't have to tell her everything just that he needs to do a bit more with the kids so you get a small break. But you know them best obviously so if its not a good idea lets hope the counsellor can help you work out how to address this stuff.

How about that baby group? The amazing thing I have found about having a baby is that you can use them to diffuse your nerves a bit by chatting to them rather than sitting on your own feeling rubbish.

[emmak86]

Ive asked her to babysit a couple of times lately and she has so i could get on with a couple of things, which is great :) she knows im takin anti depressants and shes been fine thankfully!! Im hoping the counciller will help me alotwhen i get my appoimtment. And as for the babygroup i still dont quite have the guts yet, but soon x

[spanky2]

I'm so glad you are feeling more positive.