I feel lost and unhuman

[minipinmad]

I don't know where to start with this post and hope I have it in the right place. I have just found out i am pregnant and can't turn off the feeling that I simply don't want it and it makes no sense, I have a good marriage and a wonderful DS and I just don't want our world turned upside down.

I had a 4th degree tear with DS and was advised a C-section would be better if I was to have another and the thought of that scares the life outa me, I don't want to be limited in what I can do after, I don't want to have to stay in the hospital and I can't live without driving for six weeks (live in the middle of nowhere).

I'm afraid if I try to deliver naturally I will be left as ill as I was the last time and the thought of that scares the life outa me aswell.

My DS was (still is) a very bad sleeper and I'm worried about how I would cope with my DS and baby on no sleep, my husband works very long hrs which leaves me completely on my own and sometimes I'm preparing his meals at 9.30pm and re cleaning the kitchen which means no relaxation time. And I know the sleepless night wouldn't last forever, I know it would be the initial few months which in the grand scheme of things is nothing but I can't help feeling that I just don't want it all again.

I've never been so confused but we were happy before I found this out and I just want to turn the clock back and undo it, this isn't normal. I gave up work when I had my DS and I do feel like a sponger for being a stay at home mom with only one child to look after so in a way this would justify it alittle but I can't help my head shouting NO NO NO all the time, please help me I don't know what to do???

Because of my DH's hrs and never knowing in advance what time he'll be home which days I have literally gave up life since DS was born, I can't even go to an aerobics class because I never know until 30 mins notice what time he'll be home and now DS has just started nursery and after house work, paper work and two morning work with a small family firm I finally have some time thats just me, I know this is so selfish but I can't help it, how do I go on??

[neverever]

Hi sorry you are going through this on the first point about the birth if it is a planned c section then from what I have heard from friends these are very organised and you are very comfortable throughout the procedure, surgery does have it's risks but you should talk to your gp or consultant with you concerns. I dont really have any advice on the other point about feeling isolated have you non friends or relatives that could watch you dc for an hour once or twice a week so you could have some time on your own. There is an agency round my way that helps out families who are struggling a bit whonare feeling isolated.

I am getting the feeling that all these anxieties you're having are putting you off going through with this pregnancy and that's something only you and your dh will have to decide.

sorry am not much help really hope you manage to get through this whatever you decide.

[ShirleyGoesBananas]

Hello there, I hope you read this. I just wanted to say I really sympathize with you. My son is ten months and I've become terrifically depressed in that time. I've had some issues after the birth that mean I have to be very careful what I eat so I'm low on energy all the time. My son is averse to sleep and at my worst point, I thought about twenty times a day about killing myself because I was so tired. Then my husband was working long random hours although he has changed that now but it means we've got a lot less money coming in and I have to go out to work part time. I'm here if you're still reading this and want to talk about anything