Perinatal depression - how to find help

[cantthinkofanickname123]

Please help if you can - sorry this is long - i just want to find out where i am going wrong in searching for help!

I am 28wks pg with DC2 and saw a midwife last week. As soon as I spoke to her I burst into tears as I have a lot of stress at the moment and it was overwhelming to see a professional who asked how i feel after 10 weeks of no antenatal appointments. She was pretty concerned and was kind but said before referring me to a perinatal psych i should see my gp and try the holistic clinic for advice.

Leaflet she gave me for holistic care is woefully out of date and the phone numbers dont work, emailing illicits no response.

Saw GP who feels i have extreme anxiety and depression and he wondered if i would like to stop work (not an issue and i don't feel its a problem), try antidepressants (afraid i dont want to) or see a psych. But psych would be a 3m wait so he wanted me to contact midwife to refer (she had said she would do that).

Rang antenatal clinic, they said ring midwife line, rang them, no answer so left a message and then sent email. Later on got a call back from a midwife asking me what the problem is as she couldn't understand from the messages. I asked her to refer me to psych but she didn't want to as she hadn't seen me until she speaks to the midwife i saw. She berated me for not having my antenatal notes at work (does everyone carry them everywhere?!) and i said that i know the midwife i saw didn't write down her name and sure i couldn't read it from her signature (had MATB1 with me by chance). She said it would take a lot of sifting through paperwork to work out who had seen me even though i gave my patient number and exact time i was seen at the clinic. Said she would call back - that was over 24 hours ago and i haven't heard anything.

It's really making things worse anxiety wise that i am having to chase people who seem to think i'm wasting their time. I have never asked forhelp like this before and wonder if i never should have as it's definitely proven my worst fears that noone cares. i'm really scared that my emotions are out of control and i don't know where to turn. Can someone please give me advice?!

DH said he would call midwife (i don't have a name though, just the general number) but i don't know if that would help or if i should sit tight and wait for a call back.

Please help!

[EveryonesJealousOfGingers]

Push to get the support you need - I'd get DH to ring them as it's less stressful for you. Have you checked your notes now and still no trace of her name? Someone on reception should be able to check which midwife you saw if DH can give the date and time of your appointment. Really I think you need her to call you back, don't you?

[IslaValargeone]

Can you call the babyblues helpline as advertised on the links on the MN page? I think they have a confidential help line?
I would get your dh to call again as well.
I'm sending hugs as I was once where you are so I really feel for you x

[cantthinkofanickname123]

Yes checked the notes, it's illegible. they seemed to think it would be virtually impossible to trace the midwife i saw, but i can't understand it.
i'm desperate for someone just to let me know if they will do anything or if i should just cope with this but i can't take another midwife berating me.

Thank you so much for reply

[cantthinkofanickname123]

Isla - thanks they are just for in South East Essex though but a helpful website i think - thank you
i'm so ashamed that i can't just cope with this and don't want it to impact on DS or the baby. Esp worrying now as my mum had postnatal psychosis and was hospitalised when she had me
Thank you all again

[EveryonesJealousOfGingers]

Has your DH rung them? Sometimes a bit of sweet talking can suddenly access rotas etc!

Please don't feel ashamed, I have not experienced what you are going through but I have had/still have PND and there is nothing to be ashamed about. You are doing the best thing for your DH and DCs by getting help before you get in too bad a state, and it's great that your DH is supportive.

[PaigeTurner]

I had the same problems with going round in circles. What worked for me was ringing the supervisor of midwives at the hospital I was booked with and explaining the situation. I was then offered an appointment with a specialist midwife, who referred me to psych.

Unfortunately the first psych I saw was crap and said 'ads or nothing' but some weeks later my obs wanted to admit me due to her worries over my MH, that soon gave them a kick up the backside.

Hope this helps.

[AnniePrendy]

I would recommend you read the MIND leaflet on PND (available online) and/or contact APNI (Association of Post Natal Illness). Both offer excellent information. Can you access counselling through your GP or privately? It's true what they say.......it's good to talk :-)

Most areas of the country offer a poor perinatal service for mums. I am a specialist practitioner in PND and work for a charity in Liverpool, but don't think you are this end of the country. Is there any counselling or support at your local Children's Centre?

I suffered with PND 17 years ago and sadly support for mums does not seem to have improved very much since then. Professionals don't always recognise it and when they do, they don't know what to do with you!

I would say read up on the condition, find someone to talk to and be aware of the pressures you are under - you don't have to be Wonderwoman!!!

Take care of you.

A x

[Albrecht]

Hope you have this sorted by now. I'd just make another midwife appt and repeat this ridiculous situation to them.

It is worth pursuing as the sooner you get help the better. You don't have to take drugs if you don't want to. If you still get no help ask to speak to supervisor as a more experienced person may know where and how to refer you to get help quickly. Don't give up, you owe it to your dcs.

If you have to, stress your mother's history as that may help them to get their finger out. Good luck.

[cantthinkofanickname123]

Thanks everyone, your support means everything. I contacted the lead midwife and he was great and quickly made the referral. He said I should never have been told to see GP. I got a letter from the Perinatal Mental Health Service at the hospital (dated 13 July) saying my case would be discussed at their referrals meeting and they will let me know the outcome 'in due course' but if I need support before then I should contact GP or midwife. Still havent heard anything and I think my anxiety is a lot worse. Really not impressed with no one having any urgency to help me. Suppose I should just wait and see what happens but wish someone could help now. I'm terrified this baby will be early because of stress (my first baby was 4 weeks premature) and don't know how I'll cope. Absolutely everything worrying me at the moment.
Thanks again for listening and your messages - its the best help I've had so far!

[greengoose]

Hi, I have read through your posts and really feel for you, and I am angry about how you are being passed about when you are doing such an excellent job for you and your family by trying to find some help. I have two boys and had pre and post natal depression with both, am now preg again and scared witless itll return. I think through it all the things to hold onto is ITS CHEMICAL you are not in any way doing anything wrong, and its not your fault. Also IT WILL PASS almost certainly you will feel better in time. be gentle with yourself, buy lots of comfort books (the sort you can loose yourself in), food that you enjoy, keep your house looking nice or get help doing it. TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU NEED HELP. Im crap at this, but they love you and will be there. GET FRESH AIR, even when you cant be bothered, do it every single day, the colours will get brighter again, and you will be ok. It is an illness, you are not your mother and although being preg. yourself must bring up issues relating to her illness, PNP is very very rare. When you are overwhelmed a 'trick' I used is to have a good cry, and give myself a cut off point when I have to stand up, and only concentrate on that, then go down stairs, then choose one task and shut out what else there is to worry about, just one very little step at a time. your baby doesnt care about anything but how you are for them, just do this, they love you completely unconditionally and are not bothered about how you are coping with anything else. the thing is to be 'good enough' thats all. Take care, You are doing everything right. If things get worse insist your gp refers you, dont leave there office until they do. It is not your fault they are not doing what they should. Good luck and let me know how you are.