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MARTIANS 2014 - Thread 9: Heartbeats, hormones and more Gregg's pasties than you can shake a stick at!

(1001 Posts)
greymoose Sat 21-Sep-13 08:29:21

Old thread!

Stats spreadsheet thanks to MTB

If you want to join the Facebook pm me your link and I'll get you added!

Welcome Martians!

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 08:30:52

Wow that last thread went fast!!!

Fingers crossed I manage to part exchange my car today for a sensible family model hmm

commsgirl Sat 21-Sep-13 08:37:06

I've lost the ability to have a lie in sad

Rockchick1984 Sat 21-Sep-13 08:37:31

Thanks Grey just typed your name as Greg first time, am clearly getting into the pasty spirit smile

greymoose Sat 21-Sep-13 08:41:54

sunshine if you blink they're gone! ooh how exciting, what are you going for?!

comms me too, are you also still exhausted but not able to go back to sleep?!

rock nothing wrong with that!

have messaged mnhq to get the errors sorted confused (of which there are many!)

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 08:47:46

I have never before had a nice car, my first was a polo (very old) if I dared take it above 50mph it would backfire! I worked my butt off and took on a 3 year finance agreement for a Peugeot 207cc just under 2 years ago. Sadly it has no back seat to think off so we are trading it in for most likely a ford focus. I'm proud of myself as I paid for that car all on my own. New car will be a family one so will pay for it together.

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 08:48:24

Comms I am taking the lack of being able to lie in as motherhood practise x

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 08:48:30

Morning ladies!!!

comms me 2!! I would desperately love a lie in but I have t been able to lie in in a few weeks. I'm awake by 7am every morning needing a wee!! But at least I'm not awake every night in the middle of the night needing a wee like I was a few weeks ago ...... <trying to be positive but I'm knackered!!>

I'm hoping to try and get some maternity clothes today - any ideas of where to look? I was thinking H&M? I've got a tiny bump - but to anyone else I probably look like I've eaten to many pies!! But I know it's my bump!!! grin

Happy weekend everyone!!

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 08:49:32

sunshine I have a ford focus - it's fab! Are you going today? Have fun!!

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 08:53:12

I posted this at the end of the old thread without realising we had moved on so I'm re posting here.

Owl I don't think anyone objects to you talking about your personal experience.

I've just got a letter from the hospital saying they have booked me an appointment on nov 5th for the obstetrics clinic. It doesn't say what for though! The number on the top says only mon-fri so I can't phone to find out. I'm guessing its because of my bmi and I'm not going to be able to have the baby in the birth centre I wanted to. I feel like crying, it's my fault and I'm putting my baby at risk by being fat.

Rockchick1984 Sat 21-Sep-13 08:55:46

Comms I had a gorgeous, completely impractical car when I found out I was having DS, was about 18 months into a finance agreement. Check how much the outstanding finance is, and also if you can just hand the car back without penalty (usually can once halfway through these type of deals) and see which one works out better. When I got rid of mine I got £2k more by part exchanging than the finance outstanding, whereas my friend couldn't part ex for the value so would have had to pay some cash to get out of the HP - she handed it back and walked away, far better for her!

commsgirl Sat 21-Sep-13 09:00:43

Glad I'm not the only one. I'm so tired but wake up for a wee and that's it!

Rock it's sunshine with the car smile.

Raspberry H&M definitely. Topshop have got some nice things in. I've just bought a couple of pairs of jeans and tights so far, I'm getting away with all my normal clothes apart from that.

Rockchick1984 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:01:38

Mummy there's no point crying about it - you can certainly minimise any potential problems by watching what you eat and not gaining any unnecessary weight. Are you very overweight (if you don't mind me asking)? I gained a stupid amount of weight when having DS and midwife was happy to sign off on me attending slimming world during this pregnancy to help me not to gain so much this time, would that be something worth thinking about? I decided not to go in the end, but only because I've managed to keep an eye on it myself so far.

Rockchick1984 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:03:41

Whoops, I'm so dizzy, can't even get names right grin

Prambo Sat 21-Sep-13 09:08:28

MummyPig, I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I feel like a shit mum-to-be because I am a recovering alkie with no money or career, so I know how it feels to think you are somehow letting baby down before it's even born and that somehow we could have got our shit together if we had only done things differently.

You are a fantastic mum with a hubby who loves you. Fuck the fattists. It's only the NHS and that institution is full of fatties and alcoholics. Here, have these: thanks

OwlinaTree Sat 21-Sep-13 09:09:27

Thanks mummy. I'm sure you are not putting your baby at risk. They will want to just check everything out to look after both you and the baby and give you both the best. I don't much about birth centres I'm afraid, but could you discuss this with the clinic when you go? Ask them how could it be managed so you could go to the birth centre? Remember unless you are being induced you can still use a lot of the active birth techniques in a hospital if you do give birth there.

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 09:11:48

Marking my place. I may go shopping today as well. I have been scouring H&M but haven't found anything good

greymoose Sat 21-Sep-13 09:15:09

sunshine so you should be! raspberrys approves so cant be bad! love getting a new car! rock we're currently trying to sell our impractical mini sad i love that car.

mummy it might not even be that! and if it is there are many ways they'll be able to advise you! don't beat yourself up about it, you are doing everything you can for your baby! flowers

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 09:17:27

Morning all...just marking thread. Am also shopping for gifts I have to get sadly. ..but might swing by h and m also. Dh giving me rest of day ds free so I can get a work project done so going to try hard to stay off mumsnet. Eek.

Prambo Sat 21-Sep-13 09:19:48

MummyPig, just double-checked your photos on fb and you can have my body (although you really wouldn't want to) if I can have your gorgeous face.

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:20:17

I'm not hugely overweight no. I'm a size 16. Which probably sounds massive to most people and I know I need to lose weight. I have been watching what I eat (and I've not been able to eat hardly anything due to nausea!) I was a few stone lighter when I had ds but when I had dd I was the same. Both births were totally normal and babies healthy so I hope they take that into account.

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:22:21

Thanks everyone, especially pram, well done on changing your life so drastically.

x0gawjus0x Sat 21-Sep-13 09:22:52

ahem this is thread 9 NOT thread 8 silly

x0gawjus0x Sat 21-Sep-13 09:25:03

Cant stop crying when I watch midwives or obem lol sad

greymoose Sat 21-Sep-13 09:28:14

gaw I know I'm an idiot at the moment haha! have contacted mnhq to see if they can fix all my errors!

mummy stay positive as much as you can! Xxxx

Wonder77 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:29:01

mummypig try not to worry. Size 16 isn't huge so surely you'll be ok. Don't let that spoil your pregnancy - enjoy it.

commsgirl Sat 21-Sep-13 09:29:34

Mummy you don't know it's that for sure yet, and even if it us they will be able to discuss your options with you and give you the best advice. One step at a time smile

Mummy I have to see a consultant too! but I've been reassured that this in one way means I won't be able to labour in the birth centre. I need to go because of the IVF. It more of a box-ticking routine appointment. Maybe this is what yours is? If your BMI was a little high, then you automatically have to go. Then if they are happy, they may discharge you again. I think all worries are heightened at the moment, it's so hard to be level headed smile

Morning all!

I can't remember who had a cold, but boo. You can suck some lozenges if it helps. And maybe a steam bath might unblock you? I would only ever take a pregnancy multivitamin, I wouldn't take higher levels of anything else. Mainly because your body can't absorb them!

Gawj pregnancy hormones are great aren't they wink

Good luck on the car hunt Sun! We just got a family car too. DH is it there cleaning it now he's an obsessed petrol head

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 09:34:32

MummyP, don't forget that ultimately it's your choice where and how to give birth. Of course your will be advised by various people, sometimes quite forcefully, to do one thing or another but the decision is yours. You'll do the right thing either way.

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 09:36:42

Mummy - I saw a consultant due to my BMI. Nothing else said so don't let the 'NHS fattists' as Pram wonderfully called them get you down!

Women have been having children for thousands of years, all different shapes sizes and backgrounds. I am sure anyone wanting to discuss pregnancy and how to give their child a good start is going to be great, isn't that why we are here? wink

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 09:44:46

Raspberry, is it work clothes you're after?

Gawj - I watched Midwives on iPlayer last night and blubbed every time a baby came out. The Ukranian one was sooo soothing!

Rockchick1984 Sat 21-Sep-13 09:48:19

Mummy I thought you were going to say a size 24 or something, 16 isn't big at all (unless you're only 4ft tall...) I would push for the birth you want, pretty sure that your own personal history is more important than statistics!

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 09:49:18

Mummy - I'm in the same situation as you...I even want to give birth in the midwife led unit! It's not a flat out no at this stage (or at least I've been told it isn't for me) but your consultant needs to make the call. Just keep this in mind - it's not unknown for heroin addicts to give birth to healthy babies. The fact that you're not just sweeping your weight under the carpet as being irrelevant is a fantastic thing because it means you're already that protective of your baby grin

Ice - great advice. I'm a bit like you in the sense that if I didn't even look into it, I'd be majorly pissed with myself. It really is a great opportunity, but I have to weigh it in against my stress levels.

Hope everybody is feeling ok this morning. I also seem incapable of a lie in recently (my idea of a lie in means I wake when the clock is into double digits) but I suppose motherhood is unlikely to let me sleep as late as I'm waking at weekends now so I'll have to learn to stop complaining.

Dog just stood on my womb while playing with me- bloody hurt.

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 10:15:11

Mummypig try to put it out of your mind until you can ring on Monday. Don't mean to sound dismissive but you are probably worrying unnecessarily smile

pram bloody hell you're up early! wink And you seem in a very good mood today! Happy Saturday folks

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 10:20:00

edam yes some work trousers - but it's for my job in a reception class - so nothing to smart needed!! But must be washable - yesterday I ended up with paint on me, pva glue and chocolate (after one child was given some to stop it crying as its mum was leaving ..... hmm )
Also need another pair of jeans and maybe a couple of tops. I'd love a denim skirt (knee length, dark denim colour) if anyone sees one?!!

tynecorbusier Sat 21-Sep-13 10:25:02

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

tynecorbusier Sat 21-Sep-13 10:25:18

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 21-Sep-13 10:29:44

Ooh, new thread! Again! I love that we're such a bunch of gobshites grin. Although now every time I look at the thread I will crave steak bakes and cum-of-archangel-Gabriel doughnuts (thank you pram wink)...

mummypig; prambo and jolleigh are exactly right. You're not sweeping your issue under the carpet, you are thinking of your baby's health, and you are certainly not alone in wishing that you'd somehow 'sorted all this out' before getting pregnant. But you are not significantly overweight; at size 16 you can't be much above a BMI of 25. I think that the NHS just get very over- anxious about anything that might affect you or your baby, basically just to cover themselves. Far bigger women than you have had perfectly healthy babies.

sunshine, we have a 10 year old ford focus, and it's great! Plenty of space for children and general crap, plus we drove ours all over the uk earlier this year (did about 1500 miles in two weeks), with not a single problem.

Does anyone know if we need to call our GP to book the flu shot, or do we get a letter to tell us when to go in?

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 21-Sep-13 10:31:32

tynecorbusier, kindly fuck the fuck off.

Just that spam is everywhere! We've been infiltrated!

Not sure about the flu jab. I assumed we'd be sent a letter, but will check at my next MW appointment.

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 10:48:39

Just catching up from the old thread...

Grey I don't get why people would post pondering about whether they are pregnant instead of just doing a test - a test can tell you the answer but a bunch of random people on a forum can't.

Mummypig consultant care doesn't necessarily mean you can't give birth in a birth centre. I'm not up on the detail of risks for high BMI as I have the opposite problem (I am under consultant care for low BMI) but the things that can make birth high risk are not all exactly the same as those that make a pregnancy high risk. I have been under consultant care in various pregnancies for about four different reasons but none of them have been considered impediments for a home birth. Also, in the NICE guidance for some things there is a range where "individual assessment" is suggested rather than a blanket "should give birth in a consultant led unit" so it's possible that there may be scope for negotiation or that a MLU attached to a CLU would be an option so that transfer could be rapid if needed. (Obviously I'm don't know what options you will have but just saying that you may still have options.)

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 10:54:21

Mummy size 16 isn't huge, dnt let it get you down.

I just got my quad test results back. 1 in 18000 risk for Down's so low risk thank God.

I have been having lower abdominal pains, they are not severe. Wondering if it's gas or something more serious and if I should call midwife

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 10:57:05

Thank you so much for the reassurance. This is just why I love you lot!! I'm not 4ft tall thankfully! I really, really want to have this baby in the small, midwife led hospital. I know that anything can go wrong with any birth but hopefully things will be straight forward like my previous births. When I booked in with the midwife she ticked the risk factors and the only one was my bmi and she said I was very healthy and have a great family health history. Hopefully this will be taken into account.

I'm going to get my hair cut in a minute then I'm taking the kids to my friends babys 1st birthday party, her 5yr old is ds best friend so I'm sure they can be naughty together cos ds is being a right moody pants today!

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 10:57:38

Just finished catching up now. Mummy it doesn't sound like you are masively overweight so it might well be that you get discharged back to MW care anyway - I did in one pregnancy where the MW actually said, "I don't think you need it but I have to refer you."

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 10:59:25

justmuddlingthroughit I got an SMS to book an appointment and then called the surgery to arrange the vaccination

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 10:59:37

Is this thread for mummies of march babies and if its can I join? New to mumsnet but very excited for my baby to be here! (Due 6th March) I'm also off maternity clothes shopping today a big fat belly has appeared from nowhere! Not sure if it looks like a bump or a beer belly yet but ho-hum!

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 11:00:51

Also, most people have things which might affect their children's health - my poor children are at risk of a stack load of allergies and hyperemesis gravidarum and short sightedness due to a combination of mine and DH's medical/family history. I know weight is supposedly something that you can control unlike hereditary medical conditions but I also know from experience that it isn't always that simple.

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 11:05:57

Welcome karamcleod we are a very chatty bunch smile. If you spot any good work maternity clothes please update here

commsgirl Sat 21-Sep-13 11:07:07

Hi kara smile

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 11:07:27

I do have a slight bump now (15 weeks) but because I'm so thin usually it just makes me look like a normal person so nobody would notice it unless they had been observant enough to notice what I am like usually.

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 11:07:41

Welcome kara.

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 11:08:56

Welcome karam

Who on earth is tynecorbusier and what did they say worthy of deletion? I was wondering if I'd stumbled on the wrong thread then!

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 21-Sep-13 11:12:12

Welcome kara! Enjoy your shopping trip. I'm not quite into maternity stuff yet, but have put a bit of weight on. At the moment I just look a bit chunky, so am greatly looking forward to having an actual bump!

Joll it was just a spam post. Nothing too exciting!

Welcome Kara is this your first?

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 21-Sep-13 11:14:16

jolls, it was a spambot. Something in very poor English about the amount of money that can be earned doing....something? They do cheese me off a little angry

x0gawjus0x Sat 21-Sep-13 11:15:05

Have prepared dinner yumyum :D marinaded chicken consisting of coconut milk lots of garlic red chilli tumric ginger and mustard seeds ;) om nom nom.

Still completely off sex and dp getting a but fed up and offended feel mean really id feel horrible if it was the othr way round :/

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 11:22:34

Yes baby number 1, pretty sick of being pregnant wish baby was here sooner! Miss my flat tummy, miss sex, nicotine and alcohol, been craving rare steak and still throwing up at least 4 times a day. Oh and have no job because I'm pregnant and spent all OH money on baby things to cheer myself up!

Ahhh that feels better now its out. Sorry to offload on you lot but I feel better already! smile

lumpylumps Sat 21-Sep-13 11:45:06

Morning all!!! I've found the book my gran in law gave me. "Mothercraft" dated 1945. So, those still suffering from ms keep the bowels comfortably evacuated but take no drastic purgatives. Delete fats altogether and increase the natural sugar intake. Take no meat till the bowel s are regulated then gradually introduce organs of animals, such as liver, brains, sweetbreads, tripe etc.

Stay outside in the open air as much as possible. It is just as easy to peel the potatoes and shell the peas out in the garden or on the porch.

Prepare the breasts for feeding. Two months before baby's birth, start scrubbing the nipples with a soft nail brush, using a harder one as they become less tender.

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 11:45:50

Welcome kara. I'm due march 4th so close to you. This group is lovely and have welcomed me in very recently. It is a very fast moving thread though so good luck keeping up x

Lumpy, that's good advice about the breasts. Toughening the nipples before the birth can help avoid pain/discomfort when you start feeding.

Welcome Kara smile

Bastard DP has been "dying" of manflu and because he's been sneezing and coughing everywhere it was only a matter of time before I caught it. Lo and behold, tingly runny nose and sore throat this morning. Just what I need when I have to stand in the cold watching DS2 playing Little League football. Bah.

Mummy, I've seen your pictures on fb and I'm amazed your weight is even an issue for the midwives. You don't look especially large to me.

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 11:56:33

Thank you everyone for being so welcoming, it will be good to have some preggers women to chat to... That is if I can keep up! smile hopefully my broadband will be back up and running soon as my blackberry takes 3 million years to load a page :/ never mind, its lovely to meet you all and i Will hopefully manage to catch up with all you lovely mummies/mummytobe's later! grin

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 11:56:49

Tell me about it kara - my vagina is going yp heal over if I don't get laid soon.

And I miss cigs. Did give it to my rare steak craving the other day though.

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 12:08:21

Welcome kara.

Feel a bit blush admitting this because I was banging on before about hating shopping but- I was in the middle of Brum for a client meeting on Thurs and popped into the ginormous H&M in the bullring after. I found one nice mat top (sort of knotted at the cleavage area) and also bought a couple of stretchy non mat tops a size bigger that normal. I figured that so long as they're long and stretchy they'll do this middle looking-porky-rather-than-preggers stage. And as everything in H&M seems to cost £7, not breaking the bank either.

PainAuxRaisins Sat 21-Sep-13 12:14:39

Scrubbing the nipples with a hard nailbrush??? It's right up there with perineal massage - you know you ought to do it to make things easier later on but it just seems like one more horrible thing to do to make pregnancy even less enjoyable. Think I'll skip it. Welcome to kara. I might do a mummypig today and get my hair done - fed up of looking revolting. Anyone else's hair growing superfast and looking a bit 'bushy'?

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 12:16:26

Welcome Kara!

Can anyone tell me where u got ur bounty pack from? I haven't had one - I want one!!! blush

lumpylumps Sat 21-Sep-13 12:19:03

Sorry, welcome Kara we're due date buddies!!!!!

Pantomime Sat 21-Sep-13 13:17:12

For those with the bmi blues like me (size 16 and my bmi says I'm obese)
do please bear in mind that the bmi was invented in sometime between 1840 and 1850. It is known for not really being accurate, for example rugby players are considered obese... It doesn't really take in to account things like muscle mass or body frame size and is only really good for people of an average build. Its an overly simplified formula for something that is a lot more complicated.

That said I could do with loosing a bit of weight, I think I will try swimming.

Also my bounty pack sucked. No freebies just adverts, I got a sofa catalogue and stuff like that.

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 13:29:44

I'd forgotten about the Bounty Pack as I just stuck all the bumph as I was given at booking out of the way somewhere. I hate reading all that "you should be glowing" rubbish and all the healthy eating stuff and the general patronising tone of the books. (Although DH generally tells me I'm being unreasonable when I rant about them to him.)

Mummy I am 5'3 and 14.5 stone and my BMI is still only just over 1 point outside the range for the MLU. Im sure you will be fine. you can always argue anyway. Threaten a homebirth and see if they compromise. They should also take lots of factors into account. If you are healthy, not diabetic, have decent sized hips, have had other normal deliveries, and a multitude of other things are relevant. If there is a perceived problem now, keep an open mind and see what develops. I was strongly for a MLU delivery until recently, but it looks like possible issues with the baby might well take precedence. Frustrating as it is when you want to deliver a certain way, a healthy baby is more important.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 13:51:42

Afternoon all!

We too have been car shopping, and I think we might have bought a second hand Ford Focus Estate! We have a lovely little C3, but the dog and the baby is going to be a bit much to handle. One or the other would be fine, but I love the dog too much! I've had my C3 from new, so will be sad to see him go... Is it odd to feel emotional over a car?

I've also been to Iceland and had Greggs corned beef pasties for lunch. Utter bliss.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 13:53:14

Ps welcome Kara!

And don't worry mummypig, I am in the same position and am going to push for midwife led!

HotCrossPun Sat 21-Sep-13 13:54:50

Our last thread had 1002 messages? How did that happen!

I'm so stressed out/annoyed. The pains in my stomach carried on all last night. I went to bed early, work up with diarrhea. Managed to get back to sleep and when I woke up this morning the pains were still there, and now I've got a achy back as well.

I'm trying so, so hard not to think the worst. I'm not bleeding. So I thought I'd just sit tight and rest for the day.

DP, who is normally unfailingly considerate and supportive, has had some kind of personality transplant overnight and turned into an arse-bag!

He was asking me how the pain was etc and I told him it was still there, and I was going to rest etc. He can't understand why I was reluctant to phone the midwife. Am I right in thinking that if the worst was happening, there is feck all they can do? And if I'm not bleeding they would just say stay and home and let us know if anything changes?

He said he thought I was being silly and that I should phone up. Written down that actually doesn't sound like he was being an arsebag, but it's so out of character for him not to just agree with me and be comforting.

Anyway, I phoned NHS24 and somebody is going to phone me back.

Sorry for the rant everyone. This is the first time throughout this whole pregnancy that I have felt really worried that it might not all work out.

babybear9 Sat 21-Sep-13 14:07:17

mummypig Im sure you will be fine with being a size 16 if no other issues? I had a consultant appointment last week (same as you - letter with no other info), but she was really lovely. I said that i had wanted a water birth and she said that if i had no problems nearer the time and the midwives were happy then she had no issue with it. Im a lot bigger than you, i dream of being only a size 16 again! Fingers crossed you can still have the birth you want.

Hotcross, you're right, they will just tell you to wait and see and go to A&E if there's any bleeding/the pain gets worse. If it's any comfort, I have been having low abdominal pain, like period cramps, on and off, for a day or two at a time. I just put it down to my uterus stretching and growing. Baby seems fine so I try not to worry.

Prambo Sat 21-Sep-13 15:06:46

Hottie, read this from the baby app (week 17):

'In the pain department: you will invariably experience "round ligament pain" (aka "it feels like someone stomped on my crotch and uterus in steel-toed construction boots").
Round ligament pain is typically experienced as aching and/or stabbing pains in the lower stomach and pelvic region and is most often reported at the end of the day.
This fabulous addition the to the symptom train is sigh totally normal and caused by the stretching of ligaments and muscles that support your ever-growing uterus.
Sleep Tip To Cope: Doctors advise sleeping on your left side, as lying on your back can compress your pelvic veins, decreasing blood flow to the lower half of your body. Lying on your left side relieves this pressure thereby allowing normal blood flow.
If this doesn't do the trick, go ahead and consult your health care practitioner, but try not to punch them when they serenely tell you it's normal to feel stabbing pain during this time. As we all know, violence never solves anything!'

Please try not to worry; it really does sound like some women will find these weeks rather painful down below.

Welcome, Karma.

Ice, yes! Up at the bastard crack of dawn this morning (8.45am). House-hunting again but this time with the hired car and th'usband by my side it was a much more pleasant experience. We really want the ex-council house with fab views and canal-side location but the price needs to come down. We'll have an answer to my demands our offer on Monday.

PainAuxRaisins Sat 21-Sep-13 15:08:10

Hotcross I had crampy pains midweek followed by diarrhoea the next morning. After that it seemed to go away but didn't stop me worrying for about 24 hours. I think lyra is right about the stretching - hopefully that's all it is.

Prambo Sat 21-Sep-13 15:16:04

Lots of diarrhoea bugs going around, which will add pain to our pregnancy stabbings and stretchings.

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 15:20:17

HotCross, sympathies, I had awful pains in the night and today baby bump seems huge!!!

sunshinemeg Sat 21-Sep-13 15:22:41

On car related news, we signed on a Black Toyota auris diesel 38000miles and its lush!!!!!

HotCrossPun Sat 21-Sep-13 15:26:55

<slaps self round face>

Thanks Lyra , Pramela & Pain

This is why I am so peeved off with DP. I was all for looking on the bright side and just relaxing. He's flapping about like a nutcase and saying that I should phone up in case I am 'wasting precious time.'

I know he's just scared and he doesn't understand all this stuff any more than I do, but it would be good if he didn't make his panic so bloody obvious!

Lovely nurse has just phoned back. She didn't say why it was happening but she went through a big list of symptoms that I didn't have and said that everything sounds fine.

Right, I'm off to make a prawn cocktail crisp sandwich!

PainAuxRaisins Sat 21-Sep-13 15:37:06

Booo - no last-minute hair appointments so I'm going to have wild cavewoman hair for at least another week sad. Not exactly a major setback in the grand scheme of things but very envy of mummypig. Just feel like a massive frump at the mo so a decent haircut would've made a big difference. Going up in the attic later today to get all my old maternity stuff down (next best thing to shopping for new stuff). Really craving prawn cocktail crisps now.

HotCrossPun Sat 21-Sep-13 15:38:07

Actually Meg I did notice that I have 2 little stretchmark dots on my stomach today. Maybe I'm finally getting a bump! <hopeful>

Prambalina, hope you get the house you want for the price you want. Good luck vibes flooding your way, lovely smile

Today has been a bit shit but improving slowly. Grrrrrr

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 17:20:51

I too have had stomach cramps, just my flat tummy rapidly turning into a pregnant bump, hurts, but baby seems fine smile I also have frizzy-hair syndrome waiting on my hairdresser messaging me back! Shopping was a disaster, serves me right for going on a saturday! I ended up having a wrap from mcdonalds, then a doughnut in greggs and also some chips in the skatepark whilst waiting on my sisters. In fairness I haven't puked since before breakfast so maybe being a fat bastard is just what bump wants? smile

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 17:30:53

Good luck on t'house Pramalamadingdong. When will they give you an answer? And did you see a second choice too? Judging by moosey and (was it comms?) house finding is all the rage this week.

Ahhh, just had a pub lunch then a 2 hour nap grin. I thought I was having DS whilst DH went to B&Q but at the last minute he said 'would you like me to take DS with me?' Err, yes please!! Lovely man.

Prambo Sat 21-Sep-13 17:33:22

Aw, thanks Lyra smile

Loved, loved, loved the Grandma pregnancy tips. Such no nonsense stuff.

I had a MacDs, too -two cheeseburgers, large fries - followed by a rich dessert from Tesco and three pieces of giant Toblerone. Fucking whore.

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 18:31:49

Loving it pram! Good luck with the house hunting, and if you think your a whore I just had scampi, chips and a jar of mussels (4th jar this week possibly a craving?!)
And I'm feeling better than I have in ages so my midwife can stick her her healthy eating right up her shite pipe smile

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 18:32:20

Well h&m was a waste of time, as was new look!!

However my clever dh suggestedooking in debenhams and a pair if red herring skinny under bump maternity jeans are mine!!! With20% off!!!! grin

And now a Chinese takeaway for dinner - dh deserves it for braving the shops with me!! and I really want one

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sat 21-Sep-13 18:32:56

That's suggested looking not suggestedooking!!

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 18:53:22

Welcome karma.

Lumpy that book sounds like an interesting read!

Pain I have thick hair anyway but when I'm pregnant if turns into a super bush. My friend cuts my hair for free so I just went to her house but it was nice to have a chat. My hair is still so thick though despite her thinning it out.

Hot how are you feeling now?

Thanks again for the reassuring messages. I would like to try the birthing pool. I didn't have a chance the last two times so it would be cool to have a go.

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 18:54:20

Hi everyone, sorry didn't have time to catch up but have a question and would appreciate if someone can give me a quick answer. Can someone link to me the bit on the direct.gov website about sick leave due to pregnancy? I think I have read somewhere that it should be separate from ordinary sick leave but can't find it. Also where can I find all the info about rights at work during pregnancy.

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 18:56:02

We just had chicken korma. The kids weren't sold on it although ds liked the mango chutney!

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 19:02:38

If I stand up quickly I get a sharp stabbing pain low down on both sides of my tummy. Does anyone else have this?

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 19:22:30

MummyPig I get a bit of hip pain- could it be hips rather than tummy? But I get it usually when I've done too much walking or charging around with DS.

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 19:28:38

SoSurprised I just scouted out the direct.gov site and the most relevant bit I found was this:
https://www.gov.uk/working-when-pregnant-your-rights

It doesn't mention separating sick leave, sorry. How about posting in the mumsnet legal section? Some very clued up people post on there. Good luck x

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 19:34:33

Try this So - from Maternity Action

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 19:35:48

I get that too MummyP, I put it down to muscles/ligaments/stretching, especially if sneezing.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 19:43:12

I get it too MummyP! It is like a crunchy crampy pain. I find I have to stretch it out slowly or I literally can't straighten up. Mentioned it to the midwife and she says ligaments etc (suspect it's her answer to everything.)

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 19:46:48

Raspberrys, I've not got a bump yet so haven't got into trousers but I did buy this - it's very soft and quite long so it's like a mini dress on me. Not sure I'd want to get reception class mess on it though grin
The side poppers mean it's very convenient for getting your tits out.

<slopes off to scrub nipples with a Brillo pad>

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 20:03:57

For anyone also suffering from ongoing / chronic headaches during pregnancy... this is the most useful thing I have found so far. It's from the website of an American doctor.

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 20:05:44

I bought one pair of maternity jeans they feel boggin, but look ok so shouldn't really complain.

I have it also MummyP especially if I move to quickly or when I'm getting out the bath.

How long is it until everyones next scan and do use want to find out if your having a boy or girl? smile

And is there any mummies from north east scotland?

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 20:17:39

This is quite useful for information on sick leave for pregnancy related reasons: www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/resources/employee-information/

MummyPig24 Sat 21-Sep-13 20:22:15

Oh good I was a bit worried I was falling apart or had some kind of infection. It's so sharp it really takes my breath away. I need to learn to get up slowly rather than just jump up.

karam my next scan is 2nd nov, so quite a few weeks yet. We aren't finding out the sex, this is our 3rd and last baby so we would like one last surprise.

MummyBee87 Sat 21-Sep-13 20:24:29

We're back for second scan on 1st Nov. I really want to find out but OH doesn't. I'm worried that I might need to prepare myself if it's a boy :S a girl would be so much easier but I feel horrid for wanting one over the other, but I know it will be loved whatever it's just the way I'm feeling at the moment. sad

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 20:31:30

We're not going to ask, but if we spot an appendage we will probably ask for confirmation, as I would hate to be suspecting. Does that make sense?

Next scan is 18th October! So quite soon. Can't believe that is the last time I will see the baby until it arrives!!

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 20:32:43

Thanks IceNoSlice and Edamame thanks

SoSurprised Sat 21-Sep-13 20:35:35

thanks badlywrittenPoem

MummyBee87 Sat 21-Sep-13 20:39:25

Wow becca that's really soon!!! I'm glad I have a few more weeks to get used to all this, hopefully I'll appreciate it more by the time the next scan comes round! Does anyone else have to do the fasting glucose test? I'm not looking forward to mine because I've found that when I've not eaten and my blood sugar drops I get sickness againsad

I didn't want to find out the gender, but since the whole testing and risk thing has happened, I really want to know. I had a whole week after the dating scan when I didn't even think about being PG, couldn't look at the scan picture. Im a lot calmer and less panicky now, and Id like to know as I feel that it will help me re connect with the baby.

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 20:45:24

My scan is 17th I can't wait to see my baby again! I kinda wanted to have a surprise but OH wants to know if its a boy so he can be excited, he doesn't want a girl but I'm sure he will love our baby regardless of the sex.

MummyP I like that your having a surprise

MummyBee I'm not sure you have to prepare your self, you'll love your baby as soon as its in your arms wether is a boy or a girl but I totally understand that I would be nice to get used to the idea before hand.

beccadugs I assume then this is not baby #1?

Edamame Sat 21-Sep-13 20:48:56

Do you not get a growth scan or summat, Becca? I will have one at 34 weeks but maybe that's just my hospital or cos it's a first baby or cos I'm absolutely ancient...?

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 20:53:05

I have had 3 scans so far, and have another 3 to go? There's no problems been detected with bump so far not that I've been told about anyway, but now I'm worried that there sending me for so many scans!

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 20:54:40

Growth scans aren't standard so you only get them if there's a particular reason and they should have told you why. I had them first time for low BMI, last time because previous pregnancy was a later loss (so were for reassurance really) and this time because of low BMI. I've also heard of people getting them due to high BMI because that can make measuring the bump more inaccurate and I'm sure there are lots of other possible reasons.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 21:01:22

No Kara it is first baby, what made you think otherwise.

As far as I know "usually" you get two scans, at 12 weeks and 20weeks.

As I am consultant lead with underactive thyroid they might send for additional growth scans, but am assuming not until told otherwise.

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 21:03:11

We found out gender the first time as we saw no reason not to but last time didn't as we'd previously lost a girl and I felt that if I knew beforehand it was a boy then I might feel negative about it while it wasn't "real" whereas I knew that once it was born and was real and in my arms I wouldn't care. When she was born I actually forgot for about five minutes to even check which she was! This time I was thinking of finding out (because it would be handy to know whether we need to get boy things) but now I've realised people will be assuming we want/or trying for a boy I want to not find out to make a point. Poor DH has been on the receiving end of long rants about other people's assumptions this week!

karamcleod Sat 21-Sep-13 21:09:12

Sorry becca just because you said 2 scans and I've been booked in for a lot more

IceNoSlice Sat 21-Sep-13 21:13:44

Oh dear BWP, don't let them get you down! I've had people comment that we must be trying for a girl this time but, meh, I think it's just something people say in a lame attempt to make conversation. Doesn't bother me TBH. Smile and nod!

We have 20 week scan on Oct 14th. We probably will find out the gender. I genuinely don't have a preference. I think DH would like a girl this time ideally but I know he'll be overjoyed at a boy too.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 21:15:31

Not to worry Kara! Where are you from? (I think I spotted Scotland so maybe they do things differently there) lucky you having more scans!!

Becca, we're scan buddies smile

I don't think I'll be scheduled for another scan after 20 weeks but they may give me one because I'm also ancient grin

Ignore them BWP people have to have an opinion! I have one of each all read, so now we get "You have one of each, why do you want another?" "You wont get anything different you know!"

I will be able to find out in a couple of weeks when the full results are back from the CVS. If Im honest, Im convinced Im having a girl, DD and I have secretly christened her Eve. Not sure what we will do if its a boy! confused grin

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:43:59

Loving the huge variation in advice! Our grandmothers were bloody tough lumpy that book is a gem! I'm not sure about scrubbing my nips though....my advice would be lansolin all the way!!

I'm totes bunged up constipated got a sore upper back but assume tis round ligament pain . hot cross glad u were reassured by nhs 24. I used them aherm a few times post birth last time not that I'm hypichondriacal (fancy crossy outy thing here) can be v reassuring when ur new to it all. I've had some abdomen pains too btw but milder than yours.

Kara I'm nr Dundee. I've just been offered standard scans and not even seeing the mw again till 24hours (unlike those soft southernerswink !) . Where r y? .

Gender ...can't wait to find out 18th Oct becca we shall be scan buddies if u got that right (on phone, relying on preg-impaired memory) ..

Ive had 4 scans already. There will be another to check the heart in a couple of weeks, then the anomaly scan. Its a good job ultrasound isn't radioactive! I'd glow in the dark! grin

Coolhand Sat 21-Sep-13 21:49:17

Hi Kara. 2 scans is the norm in most areas - it may just be your trust - I imagine they would have explained any concerns/reasons for providing you with extra concerns though so I wouldn't worry. I'd just be pleased at getting to see more views of baby!

We have one DS but no gender preference here either. On the one hand a girl might be nice as we only intend to have two, on the other, I have all the clothes etc for a boy and I think it would be lovely for DS - a great buddy, which I would love. Didn't find out first time round - more inclined to find out this time but will decide on day.

Can't remember who mentioned the dangling appendages but I have it from a sonographer that that's not what to look for at a 20 week scan. Don't want to say what you do look for in case some people don't want to know. That said, even armed with that knowledge last time I had no clue - baby spent so much time moving around.

Coolhand Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:31

On that note, some friends of ours had a 3D scan last time. They didn't want to know sex - were told to fast forward through minute 4-5 of video as it was 'very obvious'. They did as told - watched it back after the birth and would have had no clue!

I guess these things take a trained eye most of the time!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:33

* 24 weeks not hours!!!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:34

* 24 weeks not hours!!!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:34

* 24 weeks not hours!!!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:36

* 24 weeks not hours!!!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:51:36

* 24 weeks not hours

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 21:52:30

How exciting, there are three of us in the 18th.

I do find it baffling that care varies so much from place to place!

apprenticemamma Sat 21-Sep-13 21:53:09

fucking phone has a stutter sorry

Coolhand Sat 21-Sep-13 21:54:06

Right, off to read in bed. Have not stopped since DS woke at 5.55am....grrrr. Shattered at the mo.

Beccadugs Sat 21-Sep-13 21:55:10

Coolhand it was me talking apt appendages. Good to know that I don't need to look for anything!!

Fasterkillpussycat Sat 21-Sep-13 22:03:20

Hi there. Please can I join this thread? I am due on 21st March. It is my first pregnancy so everything is very new to me and it would be great to have the support of some other people going through the same thing at the same time. I am booked in for the 20 week scan on 30 October. I do not want to find out the gender but my DH is very keen to know. He also thinks that he will be able to tell from the scan - not sure this is the case unless there is a very obvious appendage - but I am not sure that I am happy with the thought of him knowing without me. Perhaps I am being silly. Anyway, I will stop rambling on now!

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 22:19:04

Welcome Faster. Hope you've had an easy time of it so far. thanks

I'd certainly not want the other half knowing without me. If nothing else, he'll let it slip somehow!

Be warned...we're a chatty bunch and the threads move very quickly.

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 22:22:13

That said, I'm finding out. Too much of a control freak not to wink

Pantomime Sat 21-Sep-13 22:25:43

Welcome Faster smile you are due the day before me and it's my first pregnancy too!

Fasterkillpussycat Sat 21-Sep-13 22:28:55

Hi Jolleigh. I have been lucky - morning sickness finished a couple of weeks ago. Now I am just hungry all the time! I hope you have not suffered too much. That is my worry - he is bound to say something. Either way, he will claim that he knew all along at the birth.

Jolleigh Sat 21-Sep-13 22:45:27

My morning sickness hasn't been too bad right the way through to be honest. Am having loads of greedy-bitch moments, digestive problems, back pain, insomnia, practically anything that isn't vomming basically! The support here is great though...we have lots of ladies, many already having children and they're very good at letting us first timers know what's normal and when we need to stop panicking smile

BionicEar Sun 22-Sep-13 00:11:05

Hello!

Not dropped in to say hello for a while, but have lurked when not been feeling too rough.

Brought a new car today which we'll pick up towards end of next week. Makes mental note to self to NEVER take the CHILDREN with us next time we go car shopping as they were not helpful, and took twice as long for us to look around cars due to playing up and whinging! Still we managed to get a car so wasn't all bad.

We took 3 car seats with us and the pram so we could test cars out. In the end we went for a Mazda 5 Sport, as it ticked all our boxes, and we can just about fit all 3 seats into the middle row (booster-seat, stage 2 car-seat and baby car-seat). Was lovely to drive as well.

Also found out today that I will get an upgrade to my implant, so am very pleased that it's happening before this baby arrives. Will be interesting to see if the sound quality is any better than my current implant.

Health-wise - have felt less nausea today (hooray!) and ate loads tonight when went to a friend's house for tea.

All in all, been a good day. smile How are the rest of you doing?

BionicEar Sun 22-Sep-13 00:14:44

Waves to Faster and bids a warm welcome to you. smile

These pages move fast I warn you! We also have a group on Facebook... am sure someone more clued up will be able to paste a link and tell you who you need to give the secret handshake to in order to get a pass to enter! wink

Rockchick1984 Sun 22-Sep-13 00:24:37

So is it something in particular that's happened at work? I used to deal with a lot of HR issues in my old job so can try to advise if you like, either on here or PM me.

Welcome to the newbies!

Think I've got sinusitis - can't actually breathe through my nose at all despite most of my cold symptoms having gone. Fun fun fun, guess I'm at the Dr's on Monday... sad

OwlinaTree Sun 22-Sep-13 01:21:42

Welcome kara.

Hotcross I hope all is well. Thinking of you, I'm sure it will just be stretching pains.

Going to try to catch up now!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 06:42:16

Welcome faster

Hottie hope everything's eased off and you're feeling better.

Bionic car shopping with kids sounds hectic! Glad you found one though.

I was having a lovely sleep until DP woke up and announced he was getting up. The man can't sneak! Wide awake now.

BakingEating Sun 22-Sep-13 07:04:06

Morning! I'm going to pretend I feel all bright and breezy even though, well...erm...

I went out shopping yesterday and got some maternity trousers. It turns out that I look less pregnant in properly fitting mat clothes than when I squeeze into my normal clothes.

Meanwhile, my mum has already knitted a baby blanket and is making a start on cardigans. I might need you all to place some orders to keep her occupied.

MummyPig24 Sun 22-Sep-13 07:36:40

Hi faster!

Aaah I love Sundays, it's my lie in day. Dh lie in on Saturday and I bring him breakfast in bed and he does the same for me on Sunday. Ds has football today then we are going to a friends for a BBQ, hope the rain holds off! My nausea is staying away but my back and hip aches are getting worse.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:08:31

Sounds nice mummypig I hope to have a relaxing day too. Kept awake till the early hours by 2 8 year olds having a sleepover though so tired!

I love hand knitted clothes bakingeating - you've reminded me to get my mum knitting!

bionic you give me hope- waiting for the nausea to s@d off!

Hi faster congrats! I think it would be hard if your OH found out and you didn't - difficult one. I'm not sure if he could tell from scan- they have improved lots from when I last was pregnant and haven't had my 20 w one yet.

Lots of people talking about 16w scan what is this? Not offered where I am. Thanks.

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 08:49:32

wonder I think it's a 16 week midwife appointment people are talking about. That's what I had anyway. Sometimes you get to listen to the heartbeat but not always.

Thanks comms & owl. The pain is a lot worse and accompanied by bad diarrhea (sorry, I know it's early!) so i'm going to phone the nurse again. By the looks of it I've probably got food poisoning.

Have a great Sunday everybody. smile

stantonherzlinger Sun 22-Sep-13 08:53:12

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 09:03:30

Thanks hot - I won't see anyone till 20w now. It's different according to where you live I think. Hope you're ok.

OwlinaTree Sun 22-Sep-13 09:05:23

Welcome faster.

hot hope you are feeling better soon.

Went to Gregg's yesterday, but no banana milkshake doughnuts ( that's how they spelt it). Tried two different Gregg's, but both sold out. Did you beat me there prambo? grin

Pretty certain I felt the baby kick last night. Lay still for ages afterwards to see if it would happen again bit no. How exciting!

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 09:06:24

Wonder I think some people are paying for a private scan at 16 weeks where you can find out the gender (*Moosey*?)

Otherwise yes, 16 wk MW appointment. For me I had booking in mw apt at about 10 wks, dating scan 12wks, mw 16wk and the next thing will be scan at c.20wks.

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 09:13:55

Morning!!! We're finding out the gender although it doesn't matter to us, the boys are adamant that it's a girl and she's going to be called Rosie. I want to be able to prepare them if it's a boy and stop them calling her Rosie if it's a girl. It's a pretty name but not what she'll be called.

I've also had a lot of abdo pain. Aches, sharp ligament cramps (always my I'm pregnant give away) and some heavyness down below!!!

We get our new car on Friday. We're getting a Honda crv. My mum and dad have one and are getting a new one so we're buying theirs off them for what the garage would trade it in for.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 09:13:55

Welcome faster I'm a newbie too! smile

baking I love knitted things.. OH was going to teach me to knit, how embarassing! Although I'm sure the fact he can knit and I can't is to do with our age gap!

rockchick my nose has aslo stopped working, my mammy told me its to do with increased blood volume.

hotcross hope you feel better soon! [flower]

Stripping horrific woodchip wallpaper off the nursery walls today, need it finished asap as my bedroom is overrun by all the lovely things I've bought for the baby. Wish me luck ladies ;)

x0gawjus0x Sun 22-Sep-13 09:19:00

Think ill pay for priv scan about 28 weeks or so 20-40 weeks is a long time to wait x

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 09:27:30

Today's gran tips........accustom yourself to a cold shower every morning, followed by quick rubbing with a rough towel. This should be followed by sufficient exercise to make the body glow with warmth, otherwise the rest will be harmful!!!!!

Pregnancy puts a strain on every organ. To compensate for this, extra sleep is necessary.

Contraceptives- the use of contraceptives in any form is against the laws of God and nature; and it is not to be wondered at that their use invariably lowers both moral and physical health, leading to derangement of the nervous system. Abstinence BY MUTUAL CONSENT is the remedy- if there be need for any remedy.

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 09:33:55

grin at contraception advice from grandma book! Moral health!! Chortle.

Fasterkillpussycat Sun 22-Sep-13 09:39:45

Hi Kara. Our house is on the market so we have not done anything about a nursery yet. I have a few ideas but I think we need to hold off for the moment in the hope that someone (anyone) buys the house!

Hope you feel better soon Hot.

Hi to everyone!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 09:55:43

I love my house I would hate to move from here, good luck to everyone on this thread who are relocating (there seems to be a few!)

I'm desperately trying to find someone to paint a wall mural in the baby's room but I've not had much luck and I can't buy a ready made one as there only 8ft tall and I have high ceilings! Might just have to wallpaper sad

Loving grandmas advice, not sure if I'll be following any of it but does make me chuckle!

Imeg Sun 22-Sep-13 10:06:36

welcome to those who have joined recently, I am due on the 4th of March.

I've also had sharp pains when standing up or turning over in bed, they're at the sides of my abdomen, which is where the ligaments for the uterus attach, (unless our anatomy is radically different from dogs and cats) so I'm sure this is what it is.

My husband really wants to find out the gender, not because he has a preference, but just because he wants to know. I'd rather wait but I don't think I feel strongly enough to argue, and I can't find a convincing argument as to why I want to wait - he doesn't seem to think 'it might be nice to be a surprise' is really a proper reason!
We have another scan tomorrow (17 weeks) but this is because they are looking for a specific hereditary condition and couldn't see enough at 14 weeks.

I ordered some maternity trousers for work from New Look: they're a 14 which was the size that fitted in H+M, but the New Look ones are enormous. I don't think it's because I haven't got much of a bump yet, they're just much too big all round. So I'll need to send them back and order the 12.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:17:50

fasterkill we also have house on market so won't be getting nursery ready. Good luck to us both and others on thread who are moving. Desperate to move before baby arrives!

Imeg Sun 22-Sep-13 10:18:16

PS My main worry about finding out the gender is that if it's a girl I really don't want loads of pink/fairy stuff. I might see if we can compromise on finding out but not telling anyone!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 10:18:32

I bought over the bump jeans in primark, there real comfy, but I bought them in a 16 seen as my bump has grown so rapidly but there too big, hopefully fit next month. Stick in my leggins til then smile

Anyone bought there pram yet? Or know what there getting? I loooove my one :D

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:19:14

Thanks ice . Don't think I will have any mw apps till 24/26w!

liberuna Sun 22-Sep-13 10:24:28

lumpy love the advice keep it coming. smile one question... mutual consent?

so I know its a bit late but re: your query earlier. Does your company have a staff handbook? Can you get access to it or ask hr for a copy? This should have ,not only standard legal practice in it but specify what your company responsibility to you is. Also any other maternity details.

Hello newbies welcome to the fray. faster you must explaine your login name

imeg im the same re gender issue would like to have a surprise but OH really wants to know to connect better with blueberry

In other news ms has subsided ^ there is a light at the end of the tunnel now eating so much bump has doubled in size. Gid knows what im size im going to be by the end. Massive twanging pains when I move too quick and first heart burn sensations. Yeah! confused

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 10:24:53

wonder I don't have any midwive appts. Til then either, although I don't like my midwife so I'm glad smile

AbiBub Sun 22-Sep-13 10:38:06

Hello!

Promise I will come in later ish and catch up and post very extended family style weekend so been super busy!!

Hope your all ok, :0) x

Teddybear4 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:39:03

Hello to new joiners.

Feel like death warmed up - cough, cold etc. Hardly slept a wink as felt like I was going to suffocate. Such a lovely day here but I'm struggling to move off the sofa.

We're finding out on 15 October. We have both other times and each of the DCs wants a sibling of their own gender so I'll need time to bring one of them round.

Fasterkillpussycat Sun 22-Sep-13 10:44:10

Hi liberuna. I don't really have an explanation! There was a song called this a while ago and it was in my head when I picked a name. I actually really like cats - I have 3 of the buggers - so no killing them, faster or otherwise!

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 10:44:27

Imeg - I feel your pain on the pink crap front. I hate pink but think I'll have to swallow a certain amount of it. And this is coming from someone who's always envisaged her first born being a girl.

In fact, as my mum has already been out and bought the Alien a load of 'I love Manchester United' shite, I have a feeling I may have worse to worry about when the Portugal, Man City and Chealsea fans in the family retaliate. I bloody hate football. angry

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 10:53:11

SoSurprised - I don't have the literature to hand chuck but the law pretty much states that an employer isn't allowed to discriminate against a pregnant woman. This means that as sick days can be part and parcel of pregnancy, you cannot be disciplined for any amount of pregnancy related sickness. But you can be disciplined or dismissed if you take too much bog standard sick leave. So make sure all your sickness where possible gets recorded as pregnancy related rather than 'back pain, nausea' etc. Should a company decide to discipline an employee on the grounds of quantity of sickness, but fail to realise that all but say 1 or 2 are pregnancy related, they can practically be strung up by the balls and spanked like a bitch.

SoSurprised Sun 22-Sep-13 10:57:04

Rockchic I have pmed you. Thanks

Welcome to all the newcomers.

Hot hope you are feeling better soon.

lumpy these tips are hilarious and horrifying in equal degree. Thankfully we have moved passed these.

karamcleod which pram did you get? I really like the look of mothercare orb but I am not sure as I have no prior experience and need to take one of friends to help me choose.

SoSurprised Sun 22-Sep-13 11:01:11

Jolleigh how I ensure it's recorded as pregnancy related? I took a day off as was having cramping and nausea but couldn't get through to the midwife so it wouldn't be recorded with her.

And thank you everyone for your help. Liburna I will ask if they have any such booklet. I am working after a long time so pretty ignorant about this stuff. Really appreciate all the support.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:05:33

I got the mammas and papas ultima 9 in 1, it's brown cord with paul smith lining. I was going to buy the silver cross 3D travel system from mothercare but once I saw my pram I had to have it, I never imagined I'd buy a second hand pram but its amazing and saved me £350! smile I didn't think the staff in mothercare were very helpful but I loved the look of the orb, it was my second choice

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 11:07:53

Depends on the company SoSurprised . I do it all for my department. Do you have a dedicated HR department? If so, it might be worth dropping them an email to check it's down as pregnancy related. If not, I'd both mail and have a word with your line manager and the person who processes your sicknesses. If you're worried about it, make sure everything is backed up with an email and keep records of all conversations.

The vast majority of pregnancy related sickness doesn't get reported to midwife so don't worry about that. But do make sure you continue to follow your company's sickness policy.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:09:57

Hope you get the help you need so I was in the middle of changing jobs when I found I was pregnant, I told my new employers the day I went to sign my new contract and they told me the position had already been filled! Gutted but nothing I could do about it sad

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 11:17:50

Ouch kara - that's really naughty of them. I'm not too hot on Scottish law unfortunately sad In England we don't have to tell our employers until something like 24 weeks and I reckon that's the only thing that stops them doing things like this more often. Because you can bet your arse they'd have an 'alternative version of events' that has nothing to do with your pregnancy and worm their way out of it. Did you receive a formal offer letter from them? I'd imagine if you did and you quit a different job to be there, there's something that can be done on the legal route to do with loss of earnings, even if you can't get them on discrimination. confused That's a proper sucky situation.

hugshugs Sun 22-Sep-13 11:18:09

Hi
Can I join you? I'm due on the 30th March, with my first. Can't wait to get a couple of weeks ahead and hopefully get rid of this tiredness and sickness (or some of it at least!!!)
xx

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 11:20:52

I've just skimmed so sorry if I've missed loads! was at a wedding which was not designed for preggos, about a mile walk up a hill in wellies in the countryside to stand outside for the wedding (i sat on my coat for a bit) then walk back down, then standing drinks and stuff then dinner with lots of antipasti, some weird ed sheeran thing, then more drinks/standing, then a band/dancing etc but it was beautiful and i had a good time but my back is paying for it now!

welcome kara, faster and hugshugs and don't worry if it moves too fast just pop in whenever you like!

kara me and rock are finding out gender next week on mon/tues! ahhhh!

saggy the ultrasound / glow in the dark made me laugh, imagine!

yay for all the new cars! pram hope the house hunting went well! and everyone else who's moving! it's all go in here!

lumpy love the nana tips!!!! keep them coming!

hot are you feeling any better today? hope so!

today i am just going to watch the derby in bed - dp is a united fan and i'm city til i die and all that wink joll we have banned any football based stuff before the baby's old enough to choose as there would be a riot.

Happyhoppy Sun 22-Sep-13 11:23:40

Welcome hugshugs! We're due date buddies - I'm also due on 30 March and it will be my first.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:26:49

Yeah 15 weeks before the due date but I didn't want to have them think I'd decieved them also I thought I would give them time to find someone to cover my mat leave. Honesty is not the best policy whilst your pregnant as far as I'm concerned! Never mind give me plenty of time to be organised for sprog and I'm not to sure that job would have been compatibale with pregnancy and also meant relocating and it was tearing me thinking about leaving my lovely little cottage so I guess everything happens for a reason!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:31:14

moosey I love antipasti and wellies, just a shame about all the standing/walking! And I like that you will like your LO decide which team they will support smile

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 11:33:48

Grey - I did try putting a ban on the football stuff. I got laughed at and told 'you don't seriously think this baby is just yours do you' by my step dad. sad Though I have told the family I could always use some extra rags to clean the loo wink

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:33:50

*let not like

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 11:39:14

Oh, hell, I hadn't even thought of football loyalties! My nephew was supposedly a fan of Sunderland before he could crawl, thanks to his Dad and uncles hmm. I may need to have words with dh to ensure no Everton stuff creeps in before child has enough language to accept or reject!

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 11:40:15

grey What was the weird Ed Sheeran thing? I love/fancythepantsoff him.

I'm feeling better, got send up to the out of hours clinic and they think i've got some kind of viral bug or food poisoning. Either way it's nothing to do with the baby so I'm happy!

Joll, just don't dress your baby in any football-related stuff if they buy it. They can't force you. DS2 wants to buy Chelsea stuff for our baby but I'm sure his dad would rather he supported Beşiktaş (Turkish team). Best to let the baby decide if he even likes football, let alone what team to support.

Kara and So, I've put a deposit on the Mothercare Orb. Love it smile

I'm having a lazy morning because I'm still dying of this cold (it's not so bad really but I hate colds and haven't had one in ages). I can't even take anything for it because paracetamol gives me horrible stomach cramps when I'm pregnant.

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 11:47:52

Wish it were that simple Lyra - when my mum told me what she'd bought I did originally say there's not a chance I'll put them on the baby. She responded with a knowing grin 'well the little peanut needs clothes for when nana's babysitting too'. So I've given up. I'll just have to accept I can't control everything, but I can take photos of said garments after an explodo-shit occasion and send them to whoever bought the offending piece of clothing wink

hugshugs Sun 22-Sep-13 11:50:37

Yay ... happyhoppy. It's nice to know that someone else is due to late in the month too! How are you feeling at the moment? x

liberuna Sun 22-Sep-13 11:50:58

so when you call in sick to work you simply say " because of pregnancy im feeling (insert symptoms here) so can't make it in"

You don't have to prove anything. When you are next midwife appointment you tell them , as you would normally, of all your symptoms and how you couldn't get to work. Done

Think of it this way. Your company has to come up with evidence that they shouldn't be giving you shifts or at worst case end your contract. By not saying anything you make it easier for them. The more you say, record email etc it becomes proportionately harder fir them.

Eg you only say once "pregnancy related illness" = 75% more difficult for them. Imagine if you do more smile

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:52:14

I've heard a few bad things about the orb on the mothercare facebook page but I think you need to take bad reviews with a pinch of salt. My pram chassis has a specially designed suspension so that was important to me because of the lack of a road out here in the sticks!

What bad things about the Orb?

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 11:57:06

Watching hollyoaks and giving my bump an extra little cuddle here's hoping I don't get hit by a car! Hate to think about anything bad happening to my little bean sad

MummyBee87 Sun 22-Sep-13 12:00:07

I thought as we're all due in March (I'm 22nd) I'd double check when Mother's Day is good news it's the 30th next year so hopefully those of us on baby number one will get to join in this year and those on second/third children will get even more gifts and cards!! OH would be unbearable if he got a Father's Day 2014 and I just miss out smile xx

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 12:02:33

lyra supposedly the wheels wear out really quickly but I think that has a lot to do with how you use the pram, if you misuse it, its gonna break. I had a run around the store with it and I tthought it was pretty fab although I did prefer the silver cross 3D but that's just my personal prefrence!

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 12:09:45

Just to make sure...it would be really stupid to eat my blueberry face mask wouldn't it? It's smothered all over my face and it's really triggering a craving blush

MummyBee87 Sun 22-Sep-13 12:12:43

Hahaha Jolleigh I suggest you send your OH out for some blueberry muffins instead smile

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 12:17:39

I do think that's a better idea. Will text him to pick some up on the way home smile

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 12:18:41

I was gonna buy facemasks yesterday but OH always ends up using them before I get a chance... I have been eating so much junk today poss cause I'm really needing a fag! Mehhhhh!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:18:50

Eighty-five posts since last night??!!

These'd better be fucking interesting....

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 12:35:53

We found out with ds1 but didn't tell anyone. It was lovely, our little secret. I completely forgot that no one knew when we announces his birth and couldn't understand why they were all so happy it was a boy!!!

I have my pram, it's an I candy apple. I got it as a bargain 2nd hand but it's at my mum and dads so I can't play with it!!!

Good luck with those moving house I love moving!!

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 12:36:05

Keep them in the fridge kara - buried deep wink The veg drawer maybe?

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:49:42

[shouts at *Bionic Ear*]: GREAT NEWS ABOUT YOUR NEW IMPLANT!! grin

Owl, I was royally fucked-off myself on Friday when I got to Greggs at 10am ('tis opposite the charity shop where I work) and they had no banana milkshake doughnuts. I had to but a caramel-topped one with more spunky deliciousness inside. Still not as god as the banana one though...

Pregnancy puts a strain on every organ. To compensate for this, extra sleep is necessary. Yep, fanks Granny Tips..twelve hour kip last night smile Granny sounds Catholic to me (oh well...she can't be perfect).

FasterKillPussycat, isn't your namesake that rock group of Russian birds who were jailed for protesting about Putin in a Russian Orthodox church? <erudite> You're very welcome, but don't go getting revolutionary on our asses.

Karam, we had all the pram discussions in thread one as soon as people had pissed on sticks and found they were pregnant. I, personally, will be having something second-hand and then telling everyone I meet it was brand-new.

Here's a Gran-Tip for you: 'If you don't wish to discover the gender of your baby (it's 1949, dear, why the devil would you wish to know that?) but your husband insists, a swift kick to the testicles is usually sufficient to change his mind'

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:51:00

*I did not deliberately compare God to a banana milkshake-flavoured doughnut sad

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:51:35

*neither would I ever head-butt a doughnut

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:57:10

Lumpy, would you kindly impart some more granny tips each morning? I love 'em.

Th'usband has taken the hire car to go visit his son for the day. I really fancied MacDonalds for breakfast, dinner and tea but it's miles away.

Interesting discussions yesterday while viewing houses. DH was all insistent that there should be bedroom space for his son 'when he comes to sleep over'. I don't want his son sleeping over ever again and want my family to be only me, th'usband and baby. I really don't care how selfish this sounds; I don't want Oliver anywhere near me when this baby is born. I will have enough on my hands without that demanding little shit.

I would welcome severe reprimands from you Martians at this point..

Coolhand Sun 22-Sep-13 13:00:27

Prambo you are hilarious!

Hotcross so glad to hear that it is not baby-related. Look after yourself and hopefully, you'll be feeling better soon.

Honestly, 2nd hand prams is the way to go in my opinion - the amount of people who offload their expensive travel system within a year for a buggy is unbelievable - think of yourself as an environmental crusader with a smug grin. I identified loads of super expensive pieces of kit I wanted last time and got it all off eBay/Gumtree at knock down prices.

Afternoon all

Welcome Kara and Hugs!

Kara I am shock at your employer! I told my new boss on my first day I was pregnant. They have been amazing. I have been signed off due to hyperemesis, and they sent me a beautiful bunch of flowers. Luckily for me honesty was the best policy.

All this talk about greggs is making me want to visit!

We are ordering out pram next month. So exciting! And we are ordering the nursery furniture this week. Got to make the most of the mothercare 20% discount!

I am so ill today. I thought id turned a corner yesterday. Went to my parents as they wanted to 'build my strength up'. I managed some dinner but was just so ill in the night sad.

Coolhand Sun 22-Sep-13 13:08:35

I'm not planning a nursery until after baby arrives. Last time round, we were in the process of moving and in between houses for a 6 month interim rental, so we couldn't do anything. Baby got 'nursery' when we moved into current house at 10 months old (and even then the wardrobe and chest of drawers were recycled from elsewhere in the house). I bought a good quality cot, changing table and a few pieces of wall art and a light - that was it. I also got some IKEA white frames and framed a couple of extra cute cards we had got when he was born. Baby doesn't care what room looks like - I'd much rather spend my money elsewhere! Also, I'd caution against walls immediately around cot being too stimulating even if it looks pretty - baby is there to sleep!

Coolhand Sun 22-Sep-13 13:21:39

Sorry NoMaybe that was an x post and feel it looks like I've deliberately tried to trample on your excitement about new pram and nursery furniture! Really not intended....I think I'm in the minority about the whole nursery thing, so just ignore me! I'm a bit too pragmatic for my own good some times.

So a bit hmm about DH at the mo. He has shown absolutely no interest in this pregnancy whatsoever. Remember asking him when I told him I was pregnant, if he was pleased as got such a non-reaction. The other day we were discussing the fact that he probably wouldn't be able to come to 20 week scan as we've no babysitter for DS and he said 'Well, sure I don't care if I'm there or not, it makes no difference to me.' We had agreed we'd probably find out the sex this time round, we also intend this to be our last pregnancy, so had thought it would have been mildly of interest - don't mind that he won't be there just a bit irritated that he professes complete disinterest. Anyway, I asked him later if he was happy about the pregnancy and explained I had been a bit surprised by his reactions to date and he said, yes he was and he didn't really know what to say about my surprise. I guess he's just being a man and will begin to show interest when a) I'm in labour b)there's an actual baby in his lap.

Sorry for moan!

Cool they just don't get it sometimes do they?! We listened to the heartbeat for the first time yesterday, and I though MrM was a bit nonplussed. But apparently he's very excited. Sometimes I don't think he can win. But that's just between me and you wink

No worries about the cross post!! What you're saying makes total sense! All they do for a good while is sleep, feed and then crap it all out again wink.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 13:32:55

Coolhand, your husband's seeming-disinterest made me sad. Maybe he is a man and maybe they are shit at this kind of thing but, for frig's sake! - aren't they self-aware at all?

MarbieAndKenAreFilfbags, I believe you are the most gracious and good-humoured young woman I have ever come across. So far your covered wedding chairs and your nursery have been unceremoniously trashed and you are still smiling. I love you! thanks

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 13:38:18

I never imagined I'd buy a second hand pram espicially not for my first born but I'm so pleased I did smile and the nursery needs done, as it has smelly musty hot pink WOODCHIP on the walls. Woodchip makes me want to scream!

<blushes profusely> <sobs into pillow that is in fact bigger than her>

SomePramsDoHaveEm you are too lovely. Everyday you make me chuckle. Sometimes to the point of testing my pelvic floor grin x

Kara that brings a Pulp song to mind....

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 13:48:09

Kara, how DARE you rubbish woodchip wallpaper? Some of us are working-class, you know.

Today I am making Gordon Ramsey's cranberry, marshmallow and peanut chocolate fridge cake. Except I shall be substituting peanuts for hazelnuts as the former sucks cock.

Good move Prambo.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 13:50:42

My OH point blank refuses to talk about the baby, when I asked him why he's not excited he says 'because there's nothing to be excited about until the baby's born'... MEN!!
I think the fact he already has children kinda makes it like 'been there got the teeshirt' in saying that I don't give a monkeys arse wether he's excited as I'm sure I can do that bit for the both o us :D

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 13:52:10

kara me too, just not when pregnant and trekking up hills to stand for hours! was very very beautiful though!

haha joll good plan wink

hot glad you're feeling better!! basically there was a video message from him saying he was sorry he couldn't be there, i just found it really strange. disclaimer: dp/groom do know him as they do some stuff with him but was just a little confused. i think everyone thought he was playing maybe? who knows!

mummybee im so excited for the first mother's day, but i do try to make a big fuss of my mother, the most unfussy woman in the world, usually so I'm sure she'll be glad!

prammy I'm not sure the son needs a bedroom if he's not there very often, having an extra room just seems like a waste of space/money, in the most non-nasty way possible? i know putin is bad or whatever but i do actually quite fancy him since reading about him and his dog blush

I'm definitely getting everything brand new, esp pram as my mum has offered - i'll only do pfb once and we both want to so no reason not to! we will however be reusing as much as possible for any further sprogs! we're not getting ott stuff mostly, the pram is a bit ridic but nursery furniture ikea etc.

just to let you all know - WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY PLANNING THE WEDDING, dp has come over very soppy and enthusiastic. he's a gentle soul bless.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 13:54:21

Prambo I wish I had a job so I could be working class!! sad

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 13:54:23

ahhh just caught up with posts since i started writing my last, sorry to hear of dp/dh being disinterested knob heads, i wasn't trying to be a smug bastard i promise

Teddybear4 Sun 22-Sep-13 14:10:31

Cool - You have my sympathies. DH is like this. Won't discuss names, room arrangements or anything baby related. But he is very good with the children.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 14:12:46

Moosey, here's the thing: Th'usband and I don't sleep together. We have had separate rooms since the day we got together and I realised his snoring needs to be recorded for the Guinness World Record book. This means a two-bedroom house is a must (one for him; one for me & baby). As it is my plan to have baby in its own room within weeks of its birth I am looking for 3-bedroom homes. Th'usband, of course, is dreamily planning the third bedroom for his son (who will be sleeping over every other weekend if DH gets his way). No, no, NO. The third room will be for baby and only baby. I do not want Oliver under my feet all weekend every other week for the rest of my fucking life.

AIBU??

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 14:13:09

Moosey, lovely, lovely news about your wedding smilethanks

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 14:13:56

We were supposed to be getting married in december but decided to cancel when we found out about bump, I don't want to be a whale and not be able to drink! Bad enough I won't be able to drink on my 21st we also didn't want people to think we were only getting married because I'm pregnant. I'm not to worried about havind a child out of wedlock and OH has never been married but has plenty of children so its not an issue for him either. Plus by waiting our child gets to join in the celebration!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 14:17:52

Grey wedding sounds fun although probably not when preg! Congrats on your wedding planning too! Have you set a date?

Pram surely if he doesn't stay over regularly there's a more cost effective option than his own room? Maybe th'usband just wants him to feel part of things? Also, please send me some of that cake across the Pennines! Sounds so good.

Hottie glad you're starting to feel better. At least you're reassured that it's not baby related although still crap.

Maybs WHY ARE YOU STILL ILL?? I know you don't know I'm just frustrated on your behalf! You're being very good about it though smile. Hopefully won't be too much longer for you now x

Cool sorry about your DH. It's good that you're talking about it though. He'll be excited when there's a baby! And you Kara. DP has his excited moments but is generally pretty blah about baby conversations.

I'm being very pfb, mainly because planning the nursery is right up my street. I get that it's almost entirely for my benefit and the baby won't care, but still smile. We've picked out our pram and furniture but will wait until we move before actually buying anything.

So grumpy today, DP is being an absolute saint. Which is of course annoying me even more. Need a doughnut.

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 14:18:27

Aaaaahhh, sweet revenge. Was feeling horrendous last Sunday with sickness, headaches, tiredness, bit if a cold etc... DP convinced me it was a bad idea to visit my mum (my normal Sunday ritual) then proceeded to have me cook every meal, made me a brew 8 hours after I asked for one and basically did his own thing all day without giving me a second thought...left me in the living room alone all smegging day.

He's just come in from football. He aches because he's been a bit lazy fitness wise recently. He's a big complainer if something hurts. Wanted me to stay home and look after him (cook for him, massage him, make him drinks, basically make the evening about him). I have laughed and reminded him of his behaviour last weekend. After several minutes of telling me I'm being cruel, I've finally had a 'yeah, come to think of it, I should take better care of you when you're ill'. Men are such felch stains sometimes.

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 14:20:19

Prambo sorry love but someone has to pull you up here. The stepson. He's only a child. And he needs his Dad. And he needs to be welcomed into his Dad's family especially after what he must have been through with the alcoholism. Sorry. Maybe you could chat it through again at your next counselling session.

<ducks for cover>

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 14:21:54

Kara, what do you mean when you say your OH has 'plenty of children'? How many is 'plenty' and how old is he, pliz? (I love being a nosy bitch, me).

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 14:25:07

Ok cross post there. I still mean what I said. The child needs his Dad. But i do understand about you wanting bedroom #3 for the baby. How about your OH moves out of his bedroom when his son comes to stay?

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 14:31:08

Pram maybe you can talk about things at your counselling session? I think there's definitely compromises to be made so you're both comfortable with the situation (i.e. the bedroom). Honestly though, your stepson is just a child and needs his dad and a family life as much as your baby will.

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 14:31:40

pram I can kind of see where you're coming from but I do think you're being unreasonable Of course I don't know the history but if the roles were reversed how would you feel if he wouldn't let that precious baby in your belly be a part of your life???? You want him to love and be a father this baby and so he should but he should be allowed to do the same for the son he already has.

cool my dh is also being a bit meh about the whole thing. I know he's struggled to accept it but can't they just put on a brave face, be a man and support us in the way we need???

Tomorrow's granny tips are for the father to be!!

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 14:47:48

pramela thank you! see i'm not sure on this, i don't necessarily think he needs an entire room for this as it would lay dormant the rest of the time, but i think maybe he could share with his dad or as ice said, his dad sleeps elsewhere and him in his dad's room or something as a compromise when he comes and if money needs to be budgeted carefully. that way you could see how often he does actually come over and if it would be better to rearrange to suit situation. i think realistically, as much as he is his son, it is not where he lives, so to me his needs would have to fit around those actually living there, which is never impossible.

comms probably winter next year, or maybe summer the year after, depending on what we come across/would be better in which time as we haven't really looked at all yet, we plan events so i imagine dp will have a set plan of what needs to be organised when and what depends on what! with you 100% on pfb!

kara i agree on not feeling like a whale, although i don't really drink so i don't mind that haha! i will be having no children, even my own at my wedding, so that also has to be accounted for timing wise but in a different way to yours haha! how long have you been with your partner if you don't mind me asking? how old is he? nosy nosy nosy.

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 14:51:31

Grey how exciting! I do events too, I imagine when it comes to planning my own wedding I'll be unbearably organised!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 15:39:12

Thanks, girls, for your honesty. I really appreciate it. I am aware that IABU and that this boy need his dad. I would never deprive him of that relationship. However, here is the history (if you can be arsed to read; if not, skip over by all means):

When DH and his ex-missus got pregnant they were both raving alcoholics (after having met in rehab and recovered then relapsed back into alkie-dom). DH got banged-up in prison for five months and his missus' alcoholism was such that Oliver was taken into care. He remained in foster care until he was eighteen months-old, when they won him back from the grasp of an adoptive family at the eleventh hour. They were very, very lucky.

Since then the missus managed to stay sober but DH went from bad to worse, ended up living on the streets, in-and-out of hospital and then, finally, back in rehab where he met me. He started getting access to Oliver when the boy was five-ish and has had regular weekly contact with him since leaving rehab (he goes every Saturday to see him and we were having Oliver every other weekend to stay over until I put the kibosh on it when DH & I split up over his gambling).

Now, I understand th'usband's abject guilt over this boy having spent eighteen months in care, I really do. But the way he over-compensates gets on my nerves (the boy is spoilt rotten by his mother, who is on a wad of benefits after having convinced soc services Oliver is Aspergers). We cannot afford £100 for Oliver a bike; we cannot afford to contribute to the £2000 Lapland trip his mother is making this Christmas with Oliver; we cannot afford the £32 th'usband spent last weekend buying MacDonalds for Oliver's mates and their mums at his eighth birthday party.

I understand DH's need to make up for his past mistakes and for being a shit dad, but I don't have the energy or the motivation to accommodate DH's attempts at redemption when my baby comes.

Can I ask, those of you whose husband's have children from previous relationships: how often does he see them ? How often does the child(ren) sleep over at your house? Do they have their own room? Thanks.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 15:47:54

Moosey, yes, I believe Oliver should sleep in his father's bed if he comes to stay ( and he can put up with his shit-filled nappies at the age of eight).

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 15:55:26

Shit pram, what a mess. DH doesn't have kids from a previous relationship so I'll bow out now. I can understand your frustration at the finances and your fierce desire to make sure your baby is provided for - but to make sure your OH gets this, you need to talk. And counselling sessions- I hope very much that you are still going, for his sake as well as yours- would perhaps help with this? Ah mate, good luck.

Pantomime Sun 22-Sep-13 16:01:47

Prambo If you and the other half do not share rooms would it not be easy to put a cheap fold out sofa bed in your husbands room?

I don't know if this counts but my parents split up and my mum moved away, we never had our own room in her house but we did have some draws for toys/clothes/toothbrushes and so on because sometimes it was easier to leave bits there.

While I do agree that Oliver needs to see his Dad... I don't want to add extra worries but will Oliver be treated differently to new baby. Wouldn't be fair if Oliver was given more than the other child or less for that matter.

Imeg Sun 22-Sep-13 16:05:18

Pram, I can see there's a lot of difficult history here, but as you say you can't/wouldn't prevent your husband having a relationship with his son, so I think having him to visit is not unreasonable. And much as you might not want to be reminded of it, your baby will also be his half brother or sister (unless I've misunderstood the relationships involved), and I think this should be taken into account in the interests of the two children.

Perhaps having his son to visit would actually be cheaper and potentially less divisive than your husband taking him out for the day (I'm guessing this is what happens at the moment)? I'm sure having his own room isn't essential though. Maybe an option would be to get some duvet covers/posters/toys with designs he will like, which you get out before he arrives so that when he comes to stay he feels like wherever he's staying is 'his' space, even if it's not permanently his when he's not there?
Definitely sounds like a topic for counselling sessions if you're still going.

I'm not sure this is what you want to hear, but that's my thoughts on it. I hope you find a way through it with your husband.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:08:11

prambo my husband was a child from a first marriage and treated awfully and like a second class citizen when 2nd family children came along. He has never got over it. If you are with someone then their children are your family. Hope you can find the love for DH little boy. But your feelings are totally understandable and normal, it's how you act on them that count.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 16:08:17

Thanks, Ice and Pantomime for your input. Yes to counselling, Ice & Comms - we are still waiting for a follow-up appointment. It's essential we continue with that and DH is up for it, too.

The bottom line is I do not believe Oliver needs a second home. Yes, we should accommodate his relationship with DH but he has his own home with his mother and this is going to be my home for my baby.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 16:13:22

Imeg, your post is eminently sensible and reasonable and is, I am sure, the way I should be going. I just hate being number two in DH's list of priorities but at the same time know that this is the way it is when children are involved. Yes, my baby will be Oliver's half-sibling, perish the fucking thought.

Wonder, it's funny, but before I discovered th'usband's gambling I bent over backwards for Oliver and spent a huge amount of time and energy with him when he cam to sleep every other weekend. Since I unearthed DH's fuckery I've become 'fuck you and your need to be a good dad, you should've thought about that when you were trashing my trust'.

sad

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 16:17:47

Could Oliver not stay in the 3rd bedroom until the baby is old enough to be put in there through the night? Or have a little area of the room that's 'his' so he feels welcome?

Do you like Oliver Prambo?

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 16:23:03

Pram sounds like an absolute mess, poor boy. My advice would be to come up with a plan that both DH and you are comfortable with that will also be fair for Oliver and Pram Jnr and agree to stick to it so that everyone has stability. Definitely agree with the chair bed in th'usband's room.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:27:12

pram it sounds such a hard situation to deal with , ESP when pregnant. Hope you can work it out with DH so that you will find the energy to feel more positive towards his boy. Really hope it works out. Horrible when your trust in someone is shattered.

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 16:28:32

My DP never had a relationship with his dad so missed out on his siblings too. While they have a relationship now (in their 30s) it's one of his biggest upsets and I know his brother had a really hard time growing up knowing that he was 'in' with his dad and DP wasn't, so that might be a different side worth thinking about for your baby.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:29:40

Have massive craving for Yorkshire puds. And I've already had 3 today. Hmm.... Sure there are some aunt Bessie's in the freezer. P.s def not a real craving- just my excuse for gluttony.

Lambchop14 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:33:44

Hello ladies... Quick question... Am I allowed chorizo & smoked sausage?

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 16:34:45

Lamb I think yes.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 16:35:59

prambo you nosey cow! Nah jokes smile he's 34 so we have a 14 year age gap and he has 10 children. I know what a slut.

Wonder77 Sun 22-Sep-13 16:39:22

lamb I think they are more likely to harbour listeria etc. but probably only if expensive the supermarket stuff is likely to be cooked through and ok, but check.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 16:47:27

Hottie, that's a really difficult question, simply because I'm too ashamed to say 'no' and not a good enough liar to say 'yes'. This pregnancy is making me very territorial and demanding - I refuse to allocate even an inch of my baby's bedroom to Oliver (I plan to put baby in its own room ASAP).

Can I just say that, thus far, DH hasn't spent one single penny on maternity clothes for me or anything for the baby. Not one penny. He is spending £100 on Oliver's bike and it costs him £20 in travel to go and see hi son because the mother 'is too afraid' to drive her car over here.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 16:48:30

*'too afraid' of unfamiliar roads, not of me grin

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 16:51:46

Pram I know how you feel, I don't want to go into detail, but I've been in a similar situation.

moosey we've been together for almost 4 years smile

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 16:58:06

Karam So you are a stepmum to 10 children? Plenty of practice for you then!

If you don't mind me asking, are the 10 children all to the same mother?

Feel free to tell me to fuck off and stop being so nosy if you wish grin

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 17:02:23

Away to watch big mommas house. Give myself a bit of a confidence boost.

OH has sent me to bed cause I had a panic attack and he cares about me so much because I really freaked him out

Prammy you're stuck between a rock and a shit hard place aren't you. I get the feeling, and correct me if I'm talking shit, that it doesn't matter what you say to ManPram at the moment, or how you try to approach the situation. It will always seem as though you are deliberately trying to be 'difficult'. Not sure if that's come out the way I wanted it to. It's almost as if he isn't ready to compromise on it at the moment. We have seen a similar thing happen with good friends of ours, a previous child from another relationship. The boy, who is a lovely boy, went through a big phase of playing everyone at their own game. Kids are the most astute little humans ever. They pick up on everything. He had an ability to always get his own way by playing the adults off against each other. Whilst it's important both for ManPram to feel Oliver is accepted by you, it is also equally important for Oliver and ManPram to understand that when he stays with you, you have the right to be treated like a parent too. If he wants Oliver to be a part of yor family, then you have to act like a family unit. Especially when Prambino comes along. There is to be no favouritism on ManPrams part as it's a recipe for disaster. I feel I have ranted in a most ineloquent way hmm. But I mean well lovely x

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 17:07:48

No I'm not a step mum, 3 are to the same woman the rest are to different. He's got a VERY high sperm count (tmi!) Although we were ttc for 1 1/2 years so our baby is a miracle smile

IceNoSlice Sun 22-Sep-13 17:22:22

Ooh Wonder, Yorkshire puds. Mmmm. Did you have them?

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 17:35:36

wow! he has been busy kara!! sorry we're so nosy but, just clarifying, the rest are ALL to different mamas? so there are 8 different mothers or am i being thick? also, the 10, are there multiples and from what age are they/was he when he had them?! sorry to be so outrageously nosy i am just intrigued! as with hot tell me to fuck off if you wish!

comms I'm leaving all that side up to him, but ill pick stuff and make it sort it out and send the emails and timings hahaha, ah romance!

as ever pram, maybe is speaking so much sense. i want you to live in my brain maybe.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 17:37:35

Marbie, your posts could never be ranty or inappropriate and your last one made tons of sense. Th'usband has just returned and The Bike Has Been Purchased. £90. We are about to go to Pat & Ron's (DH's customers who are kindly giving us the Mamas & Papas moses basket, blankets and matching curtains) and I can't help thinking how utterly generous everyone is being to this baby except for DH sad I don't wish to monopolise the thread any longer on this issue, so can I just thank everyone who has given their opinions (but where are those of you whose hubby's have kids from previous relationships?? Maybe there are none. I wish that were me.)

Kara, thanks for indulging my nosiness. Your DP deffo has super spunk!

I don't consider myself a 'step-mum' either. Fuck that. He already has a mum.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 17:39:13

Kara, what was the panic attack about? Do you want to talk about it? <head tilt>

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 17:40:59

panic attack kara?! i bloody missed that, echoing concern of prammo!

Pantomime Sun 22-Sep-13 17:42:52

Prambo I don't have an issue with you talking about it, it seems to be a very delicate complicated situation. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for the best.

I can be hired for a very reasonable fee Grey wink

I'm glad I wasn't ranting too much Pramsolo. I love the sound of Pat and Ron. Is this the same Pat that made the jam?

Panic attacks are scary Kara. Hope all is ok <pulls up a chair next to Grey to wait for Kara's life story>

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 17:48:11

maybe where do i sign?

also, grin at pramsolo

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 17:55:48

Pramsolo is fucking genius. 'Nuff said.

Pantomime, that's really nice of you, thanks.

MarbieSwallowsKen'sSpunk, Pat & Ron are not the same as the jam-maker. She is the morbidly obese lady with the 'shithole' for a home. I can't wait for this baby's arrival - th'usband doesn't know quite how much of a shithole he's going to be coming home to grin

Kara, my head tilt was genuine and not sarcastic or patronising.

I have just declared that I am having a rather expensive takeaway for my tea when we return from Pat & Ron's. I have also declared that we cannot afford for th'usband to have one too. This is solely because he has just spent £90 on his son's bike. I am aware how pathetic that is but I feel much better for actively being a twat smile

Beccadugs Sun 22-Sep-13 18:12:11

Sorry have been a bit AWOL!

kara hope you're having a nice rest!

Glad it's not just me getting excited about the nursery. Although ours will be mega budget.

Can't remember who's DHs are not excited, but I'll join that camp. Phoned on Friday after I'd heard the heartbeat, and he said "oh, OK"

pram glad you feel you can talk on here, and second others advice. My stepbrothers never had a room or their own space at their Dad's house as he had two small children. They were guenuinly not fussed by it as our house (with their mum, my dad and other brothers) was/is their home. One actually said it was good not to have to pretend he had two homes once. When they webt to stay they shared they each had a camp bed in the kids play room. I hope that that helps.

Beccadugs Sun 22-Sep-13 18:12:53

PS you're dead right about the takeaway.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 18:15:53

I'm not sure I want to divulge much more info on OH, he's had a colourful past but his future is with me and bump smile

The panic attack was definately brought on by me worrying, I'm absolutely terrified I'm going to be hopeless at being a mum, I'm scared I'm doing not doing everything right for the pregnancy. I'm shitting myself about labour and I'm so so scared that my baby won't be healthy.

I know I need to get a grip and the stress is not good for bambino sad

Kara you'll be a great mum. Just a case of learning on the job wink

Pram you make me grin. Now, tell me what you're ordering so I can eat vicariously through you.

Grey I'll get a contract carrier-pigeoned over to you grin

Cassiopeia01 Sun 22-Sep-13 18:28:17

Hi all. Can I join? Have been lurking for weeks but been waiting till my 12 week scan (which was on Friday) before I was brave enough to join! (Had a MC in March so been a bit paranoid). This is my 1st and my EDD is 1 April but I have type 2 diabetes so will be induced at 38 weeks. Means I am consultant led and will be monitored through labour. No options for me other than lying in a bed being monitored, although the midwife did tell me I could move onto a chair. Yey for me grin.

Pram - my hubster has 3 kids (all girls -13 yr old twins and a soon to be 15 yr old who keeps telling us she is legal next year... angry). Being a stepmom is reet tough but the best advice I can give is to accept that your OH loves his son as much as he will love your baby and try to accommodate your step-son as much as possible. He will be in your life forever as your bumps brother and you will probably save a lot of stress in the long-run if you try to find a way to make your family unit work now. I hope that's not too lecture like for a first post!

Also, before you accept me I should tell you that I have never been to Gregg's and probably never will because of the stupid diabetes. Which has caused me many issues over the last few weeks with your chat about doughnuts as they are all I have wanted to eat !!!!

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 18:28:48

kara, please give yourself a break. I had a fairly major freak out a couple of threads back about my ability to be a mother, and still worry on a frequent basis about how I'll deal with things. The fact that you think about it is actually a good sign; it just means you want to be a good mum. Everyone worries about their baby being healthy, and I think everybody is at least a bit worried about childbirth. It's too easy to let everything that worries you overwhelm you, but the reality is that you'll actually only have to deal with things one step at a time. I've found myself freaking out about breast feeding in public and how I'll deal with a toddler tantrum, at the same time. And then worrying about schools... confused. There is always support available at all stages, don't forget.

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 18:32:19

welcome cass!

kara exactly what muddling said!

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 18:33:07

Welcome cassiopeia! Sorry about all the doughnut talk, it's all prams fault...

maybe, 'eat vicariously through you' sounds ever so slightly obscene. Or is that just me being infantile? blush

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 18:33:27

Been lurking have we Cassi? wink

Great name by the way. Welcome. x

SoSurprised Sun 22-Sep-13 18:36:23

Welcome aboard Cassie

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 18:40:23

Welcome Cassi smile. Sorry about all the doughnut chat, blame Pram!

Kara give yourself a break lovely. You'll be fab x

Pram please share your takeaway order. DP is 'on a diet' and I'm being supportive. I want a pizza sad

Grey bless him smile

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 18:41:49

Maybs you're so wise. I'll borrow you once you're done in Grey's brain!

Cassiopeia01 Sun 22-Sep-13 18:49:38

Thanks for the welcome.

The weird thing is I don't really like doughnuts but all I want is a jam filled sugar covered one. So I have been eating blueberries and raspberries (at great expense might I add) to compensate... And they really aren't much compensation. I did, however, succumb to chips and cheese the other week when you were talking about that (I told you I have been lurking for ages!) although the chips were from co-op and really not very nice...

I went maternity clothes shopping today. As I am a chunky monkey (size 16) and more bloated than a puffer fish by the end of the day I needed to get some emergency clothing. Can you believe that in Kingston there are only 2 feckin shops with maternity clothes? Feckin H&m have decided to go on-line only as have John Lewis. Knobheads. Managed to get an Isabella Oliver wrap dress for work and a couple of cardigans but the rest is going to have to be done on-line. And I am crapola at sending things back that don't fit... I was so excited about buying new clothes as well. hmm

Welcome Cassie! Lovely to have you here smile

Just when you put it like that.... grin

Comms my brain is yours, anytime!

I just had a slice of fruit cake. Oh my it was tasty!

Pantomime Sun 22-Sep-13 19:07:07

Wish I had gregs cravings or chips cravings... I really want a pork pie (from the butchers so done right) with hp sauce and mash.... sob

MummyBee87 Sun 22-Sep-13 19:10:01

I'm really fancying just the orange cream quality streets :S it's my birthday in a few weeks so I might treat myself to a tub from eBay smile

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 19:13:34

muddling Tis obscene. You've only known the woman 3 months!

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 19:36:16

pram how difficult. I totally agree with what everyone says about Oliver not needing his own room, especially as it's potentially only every other weekend. It's important to remember tho that while you don't count him as part of your family, he is and always will be part of your dhs.
I bet he's a complete brat though feeding on all the guilt from his parents. My nephew spends every Wed and every other weekend at his Dads.

10 children Kara shock

Ooh, Cassie, I live in Kingston. Do you live here or nearby?

Pram, there's been lots if sensible advice here so I won't waffle on. My situation is pretty complicated (everything in my life is). DP has three children, a little girl who lives in another country (the result of a holiday fling when he worked in a holiday resort and had a different girlfriend every week) and six-month-old twins by his ex, who he hasn't seen yet though very much wants to. I wish this baby was his first. I hate the fact that two other women had his babies before me

Which makes me a hypocrite because I have two sons and he has to accept us as a package deal. Same for you, I'm afraid, DH and Oliver come as a package and you have to accept them both, no matter how hard it is. None if this situation is Oliver's fault. I'm sure he'd rather have his father live with him full time but he can never have that so don't begrudge him one day a week with DH. I agree that Oliver doesn't need to have his own room. Sharing with his father seems like the best option. DH could get Oliver involved in choosing things for their room so he feels comfortable when he stays.

Grey, congrats on the wedding thanks

Kara, 10 children!? Wow.

Cassiopeia01 Sun 22-Sep-13 19:46:42

Lyra I live near Epsom. Used to live in surbiton and Thames ditton so know Kingston well! Bentalls and JoJoMaman were the only places I could find with maternity clothes. I was very unimpressed!!!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 19:48:12

I am£ going to be a size 20 after this baby I swear! I used to love cooking and baking now I actually can't remember the last time I cooked (excluding toast) had a share bag of giant milky buttons, 2 slices of toast with nutella, 2 packs of pombears, 2 packs of mccoys (I don't even like crisps!) A deli wrap, fries and choc shake from mcdees and now OH is hungry and demanding take away!

On the plus side I feel fantastic when I've done nothing but eat crap, my MS has disappeared over the last week of junk food gorging smile I will have some healthy food for the baby this week, bad mummy that I am!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 19:50:35

Trying to support DP's diet, absolutely dying for chocolate and ice cream and cake. Wahhh sad

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 19:59:29

Sorry needed to share my food diary and offload some guilt away for a pizza smile welcome cassi! And pram it will all come right in the end because everything happens for a reason!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 20:00:45

Kara I'm buying myself a loaf of bread and a jar of Nutella for work smile

BionicEar Sun 22-Sep-13 20:02:30

What was that you said Prambo, didn't catch what you said about my implant?! grin Tee hee!

Ah Prambo you're in a right old tizz aren't you with DH and Oliver? I know you want to set up for your family, but please don't take your frustration of DH inability to provide for you at mo out on his son. His son may be a little shithead at times, but at the end of the day he's a child. A child likes yours, who need the love and attention of the grown ups in his life. You never know he may end up being a real bonus in helping out with the baby when you need help getting a nappy or someone to entertain for 5 mins.

Regard the bedroom situation I agree with idea that he should have bed in DH room and that you get bedding and a chest of drawers for him to keep his stuff in, so he doesn't feel totally excluded from your family.

BionicEar Sun 22-Sep-13 20:03:19

Oh and earplugs so he's not kept awake by DH snoring too! wink

SoSurprised Sun 22-Sep-13 20:23:14

karam I have been eating nonstop. Are a whole party bag of Doritos and I dnt even like them

MummyPig24 Sun 22-Sep-13 20:28:37

Wow I have missed so much today. Welcome to our new Martians!

Pram, I'm glad you realise you are being unreasonable. It's a very hard situation for you, especially with things being rocky between you and dh as it is. I just hope Oliver doesn't realise this is going on, he will feel uncomfortable and unwanted. I agree he doesn't need his own room, a pull out bed in his dads room will surely be fine. There's no point forking out rent for an extra bedroom that won't get full use.

We have had a great day, went to a friends for a BBQ and the kids had a brilliant time playing. I also got a baby playmat for free. My neighbours are childminders and had put it out on the pavement so I asked if it was going in the bin and they said no, we just don't need it anymore so it's for anyone to take so I asked if I could have it and here it is! We had a nice one for the other kids but lent it to a friend who had a baby last year and she bloody sold it!!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 20:40:19

Never got my pizza OH is a dickhead sad, never in my life would I have imagined that I'd cry over a fucking pizza, but ther ya go! Emotional motherfucker tonight!

Bloody hell you lot talk a lot! Apologies for absence but had a busy weekend! Will try to catch up!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 20:43:25

commsgirl I recommend you do, its been my breakfast of choice for the last month and I didn't really like choc spread much before bump joined the party.

SoSurprised Sun 22-Sep-13 20:43:35

Pram I hope it works out btw your SS and you I dnt have anything to add to the advice being given. Wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts as it seem like a very tough situation.

Saggy hope you are hanging in there. Thinking of you too.

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 20:45:17

Aw why didn't you get a pizza karam?

Does anybody know why we aren't meant to take imodium in pregnancy?

I'm pretty sure it would be better for the baby if I took a tablet to settle my stomach than to be on day 2 of diarrhea sad

On the plus side. I have learned how to spell diarrhea, since I've had to type it that much grin

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 20:49:31

Cassio, I like a straight talker, me. Thank you for your wise words, although reading about my bump being forever joined to Damian Omen made me gnash my teeth in horror grin

Kara, we are all feeling slightly overwhelmed or terrified at the prospect of becoming responsible mothers (those of us who are first-timers, anyhow). You have youth on your side and all that energy and adaptibility, unlike me who is a stubborn, inflexible and ancient slag hag.

Muddling, it's fascinating how each mum-to-be will fret over entirely different things, isn't it? Your fear of public breastfeeding does not resonate at all with me after years spent lobbing my tits out for money, not to mention me minge hmm

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 20:49:33

Because he couldn't be arsed driving into town! Knobend. I seriously better pass my driving test or I will go mental!

I've been meaning to ask, do any of you lovely ladies have chickens? smile

liberuna Sun 22-Sep-13 20:54:50

Took a box of coco pops to work to deal with sweet tooth. I finished it before the end of the week.

3 bowls a day maybe more than the recommend daily amount?

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 20:59:47

Blimey, I have only just read this last page and you ladies have given such wise advice. Becca, thank you for sharing about your family. Lumpy Lyra, thank you for the straight-talking. Much appreciated. The only thing that stops me going mortal on th'usband's ass when I feel resentful is the knowledge that Oliver is blameless in all this. he didn't ask for fuck-ups for parents, or to be placed in care, or to have a weekend dad. I just wish the little fucker wouldn't jump all over my furniture, refuse to eat my meals, terrorise the cats, shit his nappy four times a day and stay up 'til midnight. Other than that I adore him grin

Right. I'm having sweet & sour chicken in batter with half chips-half rice. Will be back when I've troughed it....

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 21:02:21

What an odd question kara...no chickens here...just my pooch and my snake.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 21:05:33

Phone NHS24 and see if you are allowed to take imodium. I had skits for a week, awful! I shat myself while out in the garden it ran right down my leg, and if that's tmi for use, suck it up pregnancy is not a time for dignity hahaha

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:06:05

Lyra, I did not mean to call you lumpy! I meant Lumpy and Lyra!

liberuna Sun 22-Sep-13 21:07:46

No chickens just two kitties. A work colleague has a couple of ducks ? confused

MummyPig24 Sun 22-Sep-13 21:09:51

I had my first taste of mung beans today and I can say, without a doubt, that they are fucking vile. The rest of the BBQ food was good though.

Dh is a right moaning Minnie tonight, I might smother him in his sleep.

Hot I think the idea is your body needs to clear out the bug, and that's the best way to do it. If jt lasts for more than a week, you need to worry. Just make sure you're keeping hydrated. Boiled rice is good to 'bind you up' as it were wink

No chickens here, just my pup! Enjoy your dinner Prambo!

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 21:16:53

Not odd jol I have 15 hens 2 cocks and 3 ducks, I'd heard keeping hens was becoming fashionable so thought I'd ask. Although I really dunno what's fashionable about wellies and hen shit lol!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 21:17:46

No chickens here, just a puppy!

Jolleigh Sun 22-Sep-13 21:20:14

It is quite fashionable nowadays now I think about it...I know a few families myself who keep chickens. I couldn't though...my dog has a very high prey-drive.

BionicEar Sun 22-Sep-13 21:21:18

No chicken here, just 2 cats and 2 fishes.

Know people with chicken - does that count?!

Beccadugs Sun 22-Sep-13 21:22:44

Whoever asked about Imodium, I begged NHS24 to let me take it and it was a very firm no. I can't really remember why though.

Cassiopeia01 Sun 22-Sep-13 21:25:06

Prambo - the highlight of my straight-talking career was when my best friend was getting paranoid that her boyfriend (now DH) fancied his very skinny flatmate. My pearl of wisdom? "If he liked skinny women he wouldn't be with you..." Oh how we laughed....

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 21:28:32

I have 1 dog, 2 ferrets a kitty and hens and ducks, OH also has 2 dogs. I love my animals and I'm sure our baby will grow up to love them too!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:29:06

Kara, you are hilarious!

Mummy, I laughed my head off at smothering your little one. That's not right, is it? hmm

Bionic, MummyPig & SoSurprised, thank you for talking to me about Oliver. I know you're right sad

Well, the 'nursery' stuff from Pat & Ron is beautiful. They are such lovely, lovely people and clearly think the world of th'usband. I was a little irked, however, when, stood on the doorstep waiting to be let into Pat & Ron's, DH said, 'Oh, don't tell them we are recovering alcoholics. Or that we've been to rehab. Or that we only tried for a baby for 18 months prior to IVF. Or that I've been to prison. In fact, best tell 'em we've been together for five years and been trying for a baby forever' What the fuck? I hate lying and I particularly hate lying to decent people.

I can understand th'usband's reluctance to reveal his past to his customers, I really can, but I was put on the spot so many times tonight my head was fucked when we left: 'So, how did you and ManPram meet, Pram?' (erm..rehab); 'So, you're from Chorley, Pram. What brought you to East Lancs?' (erm..rehab); 'So, how long have you lived in East Lancs, Pram?' (erm...since rehab); and on and on and on....

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 21:30:40

I've done it, I've taken the plunge, I've requested greymoose I'm too nosey I need to see what you lot look like!!!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:31:40

Cassio! What a twatty thing to say! I love it grin

RaspberrysAndIcecream Sun 22-Sep-13 21:33:51

I have chickens!! Just 2 but they're the best pets ever!! grin

Pram, he wears a nappy at the age of eight? Does he have some sort if disability, like FAS if his mother drank while she was pregnant? I can see why you're not keen on him by what you say about his behaviour. Maybe DH needs to get stricter with him about the way he's expected to behave in your house.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 21:41:01

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hotcross, diarrhea is the American spelling. It's spelled diarrhoea wink

If like chickens but there are so many urban foxes where we live that I don't expect they'd last more than a week.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 21:48:54

I used to think so too Raspberrys but I've went off them since I've beem pregnant but I'll love them again once I get over this crappy feeling stage! I had almost 70 birds at one point last year :O

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:49:11

Lyra, this is the crux of the matter, I believe. When Oliver comes here it is horribly clear how very few parameters are in place regarding his behaviour. His mum is 53 (had him when she was 45) and is on methadone after falling under the spell of heroin two summers ago when she was stressed and a local dealer offered her a 'tonic' to 'calm her nerves'. She swears she didn't know it was heroin hmm She also has Hep C which she uses as an excuse for never doing anything she can't be arsed doing (like driving Oliver to us instead of DH travelling 1¾ hours to see him). Anyway, she is frequently overwhelmed with running around after an eight year-old with behavioural issues. The boy has never slept in his own bed and continues to co-sleep with her. I've no idea why he can't control his bowels (she puts it down to his 'Aspergers').

When I try to put Oliver to bed at a decent time for his age on a Saturday night (like 10pm) th'usband is like, 'Look Pram, he only stays once a fortnight and I want as much time as possible with him. Let him stay up until we go to bed [1am]'. When Oliver refuses to eat his tea - despite my preparing the only dish he will eat: roast beef, mash and peas - th'usbna dwill then allow him to eat three Cadbury mini rolls on the fucking trot. It is so not a pleasure having him to stay when my house stinks of shit and he rules the roost.

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 21:49:15

Lyra You have just pissed on my parade. My one bit of pleasure was learning how to spell a really difficult word this weekend. grin

I'm never going to be able to learn that new spelling sad

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:50:56

Kara, I'm leaking piss at your choice of words grin

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 21:55:21

Hottie, diarrhoea is a cock-ache to spell. It's almost as bad as gonorrhoea. Shall we agree to use 'squits' and 'the clap' instead?

Wow Pram, no wonder you're not keen on him. He's hard work.
His mum and dad are trying to make up for giving him such a shitty start in life but going about it all the wrong way IMO. No child benefits from having no discipline in their lives. They will just grow up to be spoiled, entitled adults. They are doing him a huge disservice.
The co-sleeping I can just about understand if he's had a very unstable start in life but that's going to be a hard habit to break at his age.
No eight-year-old should be staying up till 1am except on VERY special occasions such as New Year. And the eating thing - I'm not surprised it makes you angry. Getting chocolate as a reward for rejecting the healthy food someone has taken time to prepare for him hmm
The nappy thing is really bizarre and needs to be sorted out ASAP. I'm surprised the boy's GP and school haven't made a bigger issue of it. He will just become a target for ridicule among his peers if he's wearing a nappy to school.
Poor child. And poor you. What a tough situation.

Hotcross, sorry grin

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:06:19

Children with Autism can find it a lot more difficult to become toilet trained than other children. Couple that with his mothers issues and i'm not surprised he hasn't got the hang of it yet. Your DH and Olivers mum should be sitting down and working out a plan to get him out nappys.

Poor thing sad

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 22:16:32

thanks lyra!

also no chickens! dogs and cats, but they live at my mums. i am obsessed with my dog/cat and dp is begging me for animals but i think we should get through the baby first. also my mums house is like a zoo as anyone who is on my fb can see so its not like we're short of animals!

hot on imodium i think it makes your uterus contract or something, do not take it!

lumpylumps welcome to the dark side grin

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 22:18:58

Thanks greymoose

Kara what did you say???

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 22:20:12

also bloody hell pram - do you know what though, i do actually think this baby could be the best thing for all of you and your relationships - i think it could potentially teach him responsibility thus making him grow up a bit and also help him feel more included and welcome, i cant imagine his home life is perfect with the current scenario at his ma's and i think it could make you see the relationship with him in a completely fresh light once you have your own baba for all sorts of reasons, I'm actually quite excited for you! sorry if I'm being a bit airy fairy optimist haha!

I think she used a word many on man find offensive. Begins with an r and ends in d.

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 22:23:40

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

lumpylumps Sun 22-Sep-13 22:24:09

Erm.......I'm struggling!

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:29:45

I think it was the horrible and offensive phrase she used.

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:31:51

Fucking hell karam, are you always so insensitive?

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 22:34:49

To tell the truth I don't know what use are on about.. I am eating fruit strudel. Yum. And sorry if that last comment seemed harsh just my honest opinion and I don't wish to offend anyone.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 22:34:55

Oliver has not been statemented as autistic but his school bend over backwards to accommodate his bad behaviour in the classroom (kicking his classmates and, occasionally, pushing teachers). I have taught in classrooms with autistic children and Oliver displays none of the characteristics of autism other than an obsession with Dr Who and shitting his pants (he manages not to shit all day at school but shits for his mum and dad frequently). I won't bore you but I do find it incredibly hard to love him when he is so obstreperous and demanding: If I concoct a treasure hunt he is not satisfied (the treasure was crap); when I make his tea he refuses to eat it (the peas are not green enough hmm).

I won't talk about it anymore but I do appreciate you listening and giving me your opinions and sharing your own stuff x

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 22:37:11

Kara, it's disablist language which many find offensive and I'm sorry if I've encouraged you. It was generally your outrageousness I was laughing at but I'm sorry if I've been a bad influence.

What you said wasn't nice, Kara.

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 22:41:49

Wow Kara hmm

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:44:25

grey Oh really? Jeez. I'm glad you've told me that. I was planning on just risking it and taking one. thanks

OwlinaTree Sun 22-Sep-13 22:45:12

Welcome Cassiopeia.

kara it's perfectly normal to worry about being a good mum and the baby being healthy, everybody does. The fact you are worrying about being a good mum probably means you will make sure you are!

prambo bit hmm tbh regarding your attitude towards your stepson. Whether he has a room in your house is secondary to your seeming to not care about him having a relationship with his father. Your partner's gambling isn't the sons fault. Sorry that's a bit harsh, but you can't just act like he doesn't exist.

Hotcross, I reckon something like kaolin and morphine might be ok? It's what I gave my boys when they had diarrhoea.

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 22:48:50

hot currently researching to see if I'm talking rubbish or not! i know i didnt take it because i read something scary although could've been something else i didnt take cause of uterus contractions specifically, checking now!

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:49:30

Lyra Are you just posting that to show me you know how to spell it? wink

I'm hoping it's going to stop of its own accord. It surely can't go on for much longer!

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 22:50:04

Hottie keep drinking! I think someone's already mentioned rice but it's a good place to start if you're struggling to keep food in.

HotCrossPun Sun 22-Sep-13 22:52:24

Pram You didn't influence Kara to post disabilist shite. She did that all of her own accord.

Lol hotcross. If it's any consolation, spelling and grammar were a big part of my job so I've been conditioned by 20 years in my career to never let a misspelling slide. I can't read anything without editing it in my head, even novels. It's infuriating.

I had to bite my tongue to stop myself correcting some grammatical mistakes earlier in the thread (not you, btw) wink

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 22:54:02

Lyra I feel your pain! I do loads of proofing and editing at work and it's impossible to switch off.

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 22:56:35

lyra linguistics student over here

i do however sometimes just go with being completely incorrect on things and embrace it

karamcleod Sun 22-Sep-13 22:59:06

Sorry for upsetting/offending you guys but thanks for any kind advice and just generally cheering me up. Good luck with your babies, house hunting, car shopping ect. X

It drives me mad that my iPhone sometimes inserts errors into my posts. Grrrr

Can someone please arrange for a courier to deliver crackers and cheese to my sofa? Thanks in advance.

apprenticemamma Sun 22-Sep-13 23:00:26

hi all just been catching up on the thread which appears to have gotten pretty poo fixatedwink I'm in team constipation still.

pram you've already had loads of mainly helpful advice re th husbands son. It sounds v stressful it really does. You are taking on a lot hon but I am inclined to agree that yeah he needs to have a role in your family. I'm a step mum to 3 (but blessed with lovely stable teenagers so appreciate it's very different). Also would echo that whether he has traits or full blown asd he is likely to have significant attachment issues which might be rocked further by prambinos arrival . Anything to counteract this even just something in the room which is his might help. Also any parenting /etc suggestions from anyone involved e.g. a psychologist which he could prob do with, will he respond to rewards for instance eg dr who stickers ? That's really for dh and his exp to address..that would be a greater gift than a fancy bike..sorry ..this has turned into a pramble shock

Anyone else got a sore back (moan) at 17 weeks?

Night ladies

OwlinaTree Sun 22-Sep-13 23:01:14

Sorry pram I posted my comment after reading p 11 and have now read up to p 14. I can see there's a lot more going on here, so sorry for being a bit harsh, you have obviously been making quite a bit of effort to involve him, so sorry. Hope things can work out for you all.

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 23:04:14

Mmm crackers and cheese. I'm going to bed before I eat all the food in the house.

Happyhoppy Sun 22-Sep-13 23:06:24

hugshugs you asked way way back ... I'm feeling fine, have largely avoided ms and getting an appetite back now. Struggling to believe this pregnancy is real though (I've had several losses before this one) and still don't quite trust fate enough to start allowing myself to buy baby clothes.

pram there have been lots of wise words from others and I'd agree with trying, hard as it may seem, to avoid taking it out on Oliver. If he is on the autistic spectrum, it can be difficult to like him. OH's brother is on the spectrum and it isn't always easy.

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:07:08

Owl, please don't apologise. Whether you had read the more up-to-date stuff or not doesn't matter. You are right. This boy is innocent in all this and Apprentice's input re attachment issues is massive and something which I have conveniently and deliberately ignored. I am being childish and, more embarrassingly, churlish about Oliver and his evident needs. I really must sort myself out and get this boy back into the fold. I will buy him a Dr Who quilt cover for a belated birthday present. Thank you for making me look so much harder at my own behaviour.

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 23:08:49

pram what a perfect present idea!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:09:46

Thanks, Happy.

Kara, you don't have to leave this thread, you know? I have recently upset folks and am learning to kind of be careful what I say (who am I kidding?) It's good that you've apologised, now why don't you stay with us and all will be forgotten.

commsgirl Sun 22-Sep-13 23:12:46

Pram that's a lovely idea smile

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:16:27

I can only see 'em on ebay <wails> Is it really bad form to buy second-hand bedding for a child on his birthday?

Brilliant idea Prammy.

I too write for a living, and have been behind many a typo on this thread blush. I blame the iPhone of course...

How is it possible to be shattered, yet unable to fall asleep?

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:19:23

..you can't stop thinking about Ken, am I right?

apprenticemamma Sun 22-Sep-13 23:19:33

pram that's lovely. Lumpinthroat !

I meant to share with y all an anecdote re today. Went on a day trip (on the train) to spend the day on Thomas the tankengine. Met the most obnoxious parents who selfishly took ten minutes toset up the perfect shot beside the fat controller. For those in the cult of Thomas , the pic with the fat controller beside Thomas is a biiig deal to the excited toddler (even though he was a skinny 20 year old). It's courtesy that you get the shot quickly so everyone gets a turn. These stuck up obnoxious parents spent ten minutes trying to make their child smile thus preventing everyone else getting a shot. They actually shovedmy 70 year old dad out the wayangry . I vow to always tell me children that they are loved and unique and important but not more important/ superior to everyone else. It's amazing how pushy/ rude some parents can be.

apprenticemamma Sun 22-Sep-13 23:19:56

part two to follow..

apprenticemamma Sun 22-Sep-13 23:24:53

Met some lovely people too. Emotionaly moved on the overcrowded train home at the kindness of passengers to offer their seats (which don't expect just bc have toddler /buggy situation butfid stick bump out wink ) help us juggle belongings and be so lovely despite tired little boy grumping also managed to entertain him. The tearfulness was a bit embarrassing though. ..frigging hormones..Oops!

PainAuxRaisins Sun 22-Sep-13 23:25:37

Just a quick check-in before bedtime - have spent evening catching up (on everything) - 1st 2 episodes of Peaky Blinders, followed by faffing about on FB (finally joined the martians!) and now catching up on your posts. Must sleep now or I'll never survive the week! Wishing you all a happy Monday, n'night xxx

apprenticemamma Sun 22-Sep-13 23:27:17

peakblinders? the new breaking bad? (!)

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 23:30:07

Don't leave the thread, kara! You've apologised, it's forgiven. Everyone says stuff without thinking sometimes. The only reason I haven't hugely offended people on here is that I spend so long proofreading (cos I'm strange) that anything contentious usually gets edited out. I'm actually far nicer on here than I am in RL, where I can't edit...

prambo, I can't find any dr who duvet covers, which is surprising given that it's approaching the 50th anniversary. How about a sonic screwdriver? https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=doctor+who+duvet+set+single&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#hl=en&q=sonic+screwdriver&tbm=shop

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 23:31:00

Stupid link not working, grumble grumble grumble

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=doctor+who+duvet+set+single&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#hl=en&q=sonic+screwdriver&tbm=shop

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 23:31:39

Oh I give up! angry

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 23:32:19

pram i think go for second hand, you can give it a good wash anyway! what about dr who pjs if not, special ones for him to keep at yours for when he stays?

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 23:33:07
greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 23:34:09

muddling https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=doctor+who+duvet+set+single&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#hl=en&q=sonic+screwdriver&tbm=shop

greymoose Sun 22-Sep-13 23:34:54

is it BROKEN? i thought i was being helpful sad

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 23:38:39

Sorry about that, I've stopped stropping now.

prambo, the link was just to the shopping page on google with sonic screwdrivers. Cheapy ones in Argos for a tenner, or posher ones for more, obvs. Might be worth checking which is Oliver's favourite doctor, as they each have their own style!
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your present-buying it's just that I really want someone to buy me a sonic screwdriver

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 22-Sep-13 23:40:33

Thank you grey! Glad it wasn't just me grin

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:51:30

Apprentice, I am so cross at the extraordinarily ignorant behaviour of those parents! Why do some people think they are special? Why are they self-entitled? Twats. Hooray! for lovely train friends, though smile

Muddling, that sonic gadget looks right up Oliver's street. Thank you for linking that. Moosey, those jammies are Kool & The Gang, are they not? I never thought about ensuring I get the right Doctor. I'll ask his dad in the morning.

You ladies are so generous with your thoughts, ideas and advice. Thank you, thank you thanks

Coolhand Sun 22-Sep-13 23:55:16

Right, just got caught up on all today's chat.

Prambo you have been well and truly advised by now by those much wiser than me. I think that every other weekend is fairly normal. However, I know (if I am honest) I would well and truly resent Oliver as he is not an easy child to deal with in any way but I also see he still needs to feel loved and accepted. That kind of sometimes thankless and unconditional love comes more naturally when you're the parent. I would also be very frustrated at the lack of boundaries - can you negotiate that with DP - if he's coming into both of your space surely the rules/boundaries need to be agreed - that'll be even more important as your LO gets older. I truly admire your decision to make a new start with him - it really isn't an easy situation.

Thanks for the sympathy regarding DH's disinterest - he's a brill dad though and DS adores him, so at least I know he reacts differently when baby arrives!

Yes to back pain at 17 weeks Apprentice - it's v annoying. Right, off to bed - keep promising myself I will go to bed earlier, no wonder I am exhausted all the time!

Prambo Sun 22-Sep-13 23:57:39

Thanks, Coolhand, you always manage to make me feel a little less of a turd smile

Rockchick1984 Mon 23-Sep-13 00:08:22

Wowzers - I've been out for the day and come back to a million thousand new posts!!! Have tried to read them all but am a bit useless with names and what's been happening...

Pram I think buying him a Dr Who present would be perfect, no idea if you have a Home Bargains anywhere near you but they often have Dr Who gubbins in them (toys, cushions etc). Glad it sounds like you've reached a good compromise so far... As lots of people on here have said, a baby generally is real for the mum during pregnancy however many men don't think its real until baby is born. I'm certain that you don't need to worry about th'usband favouring Oliver over Prambino once he/she is born!!

Whoever mentioned the Silver Cross 3D... DON'T DO IT!!!!! Worst pram ever... Can't push one handed, can barely blush 2 handed once out of the nice smooth surfaces in the shop, can't access the basket and its sooooooo fucking heavy!!!

Grey (I think it was) yay for wedding planning!! Good luck for tomorrow's scan, what time do you find out what you're having?

Other than my cold, I actually feel fine now - I have no pregnancy symptoms any more, maybe once I shake this bug off then I'm actually getting the second trimester "glow" <wishful thinking>

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 00:11:44

rock thank you!! 6pm is the scan, but i think we're going to get the pornographer to write it down so we can open it when we're home, kinda want to film us opening the envelope and send it to family! cant believe the time is nearly here to find out boy or girl!!! are you excited for yours tuesday?! how's dh feeling?! ahhh!

Pantomime Mon 23-Sep-13 00:14:54

Stay strong Prambo, you are dealing with an incredibly difficult situation. I do think though that while you do work on bonding your family together you do make sure that you talk to someone about your feelings (which are as valid and important as the DH or Olivers), letting them out will stop them festering especially if things get hard. It may be worth getting a little bit of expert advice just to minimise any future drama. Please look after yourself! Again wishing you the very best of luck.

IceNoSlice Mon 23-Sep-13 01:35:11

Oh my, I feel rubbish sad

I was just sick (for only the second time this pg so I don't think it's ms) and it was really acidic. Tasted nasty. I still feel sick and can't sleep. I think I may have a bug and I'm very grumpy and feeling sorry for myself about it. Waaaaah.

MummyPig24 Mon 23-Sep-13 04:56:07

I can't sleeeeep! My back is sore, my legs ache, I need a wee. I can feel a bad mood coming on today.

Pram it was my husband I was going to smother, not the kid, although I've considered it! Kids were extraordinarily lovely yesterday and went to bed beautifully as a result of several hours running around outside. School today. I hate Mondays, there's so many bags to take and they want to scoot or ride bikes to school so I end up with all the bloody bags. And we never have any food in so I have to get a bit creative with the packed lunch!

MummyBee87 Mon 23-Sep-13 06:56:46

I'm so jealous but excited for those of you getting your 20week scans today!! I can't believe how long the gap is from 2nd scan to birth! OH has mentioned he might like one of those 3D scans to fill the gap, has anyone had any experience of them, are they worth the money? Hope everyone has a great day, I'm reluctantly jumping getting in the shower and heading off to work sad only one week left until I see my boss and break his heart though teeheehee, out of three women who work for him we'll all have cross-over maternity leave I be the lives us =D x

apprenticemamma Mon 23-Sep-13 07:09:52

mummy b I think these are private scans surely? Good luck ladies. Grey you HAVE to share with us after all we r anon right? I get the feeling that next few threads will be all about the scans gender etc! Exciting!

Prambo this is one for the counsellor defo. I'm loving our counselling sessions for being able to work through potentially v divisive ishoos. We've only had five sessions and we 've barelyscratched the surface smile but it's working we feel.

Catch u all much later

Coolhand Mon 23-Sep-13 07:20:52

Ice hope you feel better soon.

Mummy have no experience of 3d scans personally. Friends who have had them think they are amazing and maybe when they are older, child might find it pretty cool to see themselves in the womb. Personally, I think they look a bit freaky but know if it was my child I'd probably love it!

In terms of the big gap after 20 week scan, remember you will be feeling baby every day and getting a fair few kicks in the ribs and even seeing protruding alien-like hands, feet and elbows towards the end, so think that all helps with lack of scan as baby is very much there!

x0gawjus0x Mon 23-Sep-13 07:25:37

Yeah noones 20 wk yet mama think its 16/17 week scans, ill be glad waiting to 20 wk ill be well chuffed with myself in counting down the days!

Saw my friend yesterday and felt her baby kicking was soo cute shes 30 weeks with a girl smile

3 weeks 3 days to gooo!!!!!! Xx

Rockchick1984 Mon 23-Sep-13 08:08:42

My scan tomorrow is a private one - we have the option of 3D but to be honest I don't like them so it'll just be a 2D one for me! We are taking my mum, Dad and DH's mum along to the scan - my dad is paying grin but don't want to invite him and not my mum (divorced but on good terms) so can't really invite them and not DH's mum. Will be going in just me and DH first though to make sure all is well, then inviting the rest of the family into the room - although I'm made up about finding out the sex, the real reason is peace of mind following the MMC earlier this year. Insanely rare after 12 weeks but needed to have it done. 20-40 weeks is fine for me - feeling regular movements etc is all good!

MummyPig bet you can't wait to have the pram so all the kid's bags can get loaded into there grin

Jolleigh Mon 23-Sep-13 08:19:59

In work. 8am. Did a sneeze wee. Oh the shame sad

lumpylumps Mon 23-Sep-13 08:21:35

Morphine for diarrhoea Lyra????? Sounds a bit drastic!!!

pram a Dr who pressie is a lovely idea!!

I'm going for new baby cuddles today. I've just made a pan of carrot and coriander soup to take with me. I hope people do that for me!!!

Then I've got my 16wk appt so I'll be back tonight with Mondays granny tips!

Kara don't leave, I totally managed to miss what you put last night despite being on here at the time so I dare say the majority of us did. Just be careful.

BNmum Mon 23-Sep-13 08:22:04

Hi ladies, I hope everyone is well. I've been away for a few days and come back to a shiny new thread and about 30-odd pages of news to catch up on shock. I'll check in with you all later, hope you have a good day and good luck to anyone having scans.

MummyPig24 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:14:23

mummybee we had a 3D scan at 29 weeks last time. It was good but expensive. They recommended having it after 26 weeks as before then the baby is quite skinny and it all looks a bit more interesting after that stage where baby fills out a bit. Anyway we aren't going to have one again. We did it once and that satisfied my curiosity!

Rock, yes I am looking forward to loading up the pram with bags!!

commsgirl Mon 23-Sep-13 09:20:27

Oh Jolls cake

Hope everything goes well today Grey, excited for our first gender reveal!

karamcleod Mon 23-Sep-13 09:21:28

Can you tell me how much it actually cost for 3D scan?

Rockchick1984 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:25:31

Depends where you live Karma its £55 near me, so I think that's pretty good, but have seen other people on here who have paid over £100!

Rockchick1984 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:25:57

Kara not Karma sorry!

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 09:27:46

ice sorry to hear you feel rubbish again, hope you feel better soon!

apprentice yes of course!

mummybee these are 16 week private gender ones, i wish we were 20 weeks!

thanks comms!! ahhhhhhh!!

kara prices vary a lot depending on location etc so worth checking locally, I've seen £50+ discrepancies in price of scans.

mimili Mon 23-Sep-13 09:33:30

How are there 400 posts since I last logged in. Seriously you lot are proper chatterboxes, I can’t keep up anymore.

Feeling pretty low this morning. On Saturday I went to a NCT sale, got there late, but got handed a bag of ‘freebies’ I opened it up last night and there was a sample pack of tena lights. Hubby made a joke as did I. Fast forward a few hours later, to me laughing like I have never laughed before, I had tears rolling down my voice and a laugh like Mutley ( never heard anything like it!) laughing then turned to a combo of laughing and coughing, and.. well put it this way, it looks like the sample pack of tena is going to be used pretty quick. I knew it was a possibility and have been half heartedly doing kegel exercises as I never expected it so soon. I was, and still am mortified.

I’ve briefly skimmed the thread to catch up, good luck with those early scans.
flowers

MummyBee87 Mon 23-Sep-13 09:42:31

Kara from what i've looked at, up here in Manchester the going rate for a basic 3D scan is approx £100, a little expensive really but its an indulgence I suppose and could make for some cool yet slightly freaky Christmas presents! :D
Rockchick - I agree i'm not 100% sure if I like the idea, it's just OHs 10p into the pregnancy process ;)

georgeannaskala Mon 23-Sep-13 09:50:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

karamcleod Mon 23-Sep-13 09:56:09

£100! Jeez, I had thought about it seen as this is the first and more than likely last baby I'll have, but money is pretty tight over winter due to the nature of 0H's business, so probably be giving it a miss. sad
Only 24 days until til next scan and hopefully OH will want to attend this one smile

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 09:57:21

has anyone else not got their 20 week scan date?

commsgirl Mon 23-Sep-13 09:57:33

DH really wants a 3D scan but they freak me out so much! He's excited about it though so we'll probably get one, it'll be nice to see baby between 20-40 weeks anyway. They're about £80 round here (Leeds).

Mimi at least you can laugh about it! I've got an app that reminds me to do kegels or I'd never remember!

Hope you're feeling better Ice

Grey I'm still sticking with boy (mainly just agreeing with Pirates the oracle!)

commsgirl Mon 23-Sep-13 09:58:33

Grey I've got mine but we ring and book our own here. Chase them up!

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 10:02:34

comms as it stands on the spreadsheet, it's 7 martians guessing boy and 8 guessing girl, very close! i will post the new scan pic later before we open the envelope though!

oooh it's pirates ' first test!

karamcleod Mon 23-Sep-13 10:17:25

Pissed off. Auqanatal classes are cancelled angry

MummyBee87 Mon 23-Sep-13 10:29:12

Oh dear Kara - do you mind me asking what actually goes on at aquanatal? We're told in our area that we won't be invited to any anti-natal classes until we're 30weeks and i've not been able to find any aquanatal sessions near to me, so i'm curious smile

Jolleigh Mon 23-Sep-13 10:40:58

After this morning's sneeze wee incident, can anyone tell me how I should be doing the pelvic floor prep properly? The office is not a good place to sneeze wee sad I can tighten my pelvic floor and frequently do, but if I'm losing control when I sneeze at just 13+5, I have a serious problem. I can't stink of wee at work!

mimili Mon 23-Sep-13 10:51:26

Joll I didnt see your first post. I feel your pain after my incident last night. It's really affected my mood, although I am trying to laugh about it. Although that is also my fear, the smell of wee at work could you imagine confused

Comm would you mind letting me know the name of the kegal app?

Joll you should squeeze and hold for 10 seconds then release. Do that 10 times and then follow with 10 quick squeezes. Repeat three times a day.

Mummyb that's strange about antenatal classes. At our local centre you can do aquanatal and yoganatal from 14 weeks.

Grey im so excited for your scan news!

On the morphine for diarrohea, that's what it was traditionally used for! Think the pain relief was a by product!

karamcleod Mon 23-Sep-13 10:53:33

mummyB I don't actually know it, was supposed to be my first session its the ony class in dundee.

JustCallMeBaldrick Mon 23-Sep-13 10:58:13

Due to me having some major bonding issues after what has felt like a rocky start for my little beanie, we rang up the FMU this morning to find out the sex from the CVS results...Pink bump on board here grin
I was amazed, as I've been convinced it's a boy all along. DH is very smug as he's always 'known' it's a girl!

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 10:59:41

baldrick CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! OUR FIRST GIRLY MARTIAN!!!!!

greymoose Mon 23-Sep-13 11:04:20

guesses for baldrick: i can confirm that pirates guessed girl, she remains the oracle of gender guesses. i also guessed girl, and edamame, mtb and baldrick guessed boy, 40% martian guessing success rate so far!

justmuddlingthroughit Mon 23-Sep-13 11:06:21

Woohoo! Congrats balders!

Brilliant news Just! thanks

Of the Baldrick variety grin

justmuddlingthroughit Mon 23-Sep-13 11:10:59

Heehee maybe! I am seriously considering a name change, as I didn't think of how difficult it is to abbreviate, and frankly am bored of my name. Suggestions welcome...

Prambo Mon 23-Sep-13 11:22:10

Congrats, Baldy.

Muddling, deffo change your name. How about FeeFiFoFum? It's cute and we can call you Fifi smile

So..I have a brand new hire car sat outside the house, no money to spend and no mates to visit (I do have mates but they're remnants of my past. My mate around here has broken her shoulder and I'm not going round in case she expects me to help her with housework or summat).

Any suggestions, Martians? *I HAVE A CAR!!*

commsgirl Mon 23-Sep-13 11:25:15

Pram McDonalds? <helpful>

MummyBee87 Mon 23-Sep-13 11:31:50

Ok, I think I'm close to tears, OH and I work together and one of his close colleagues/friend has just offered up a whole ream of her daughters old baby stuff, granted she's moving house so looking to make space etc, but stull she could put it on ebay and get some money back. I'm really touched how generous she's been we'll only need to buy clothes, bedding and a travel system at this rate!! :D:D:D Aren't some people just wonderful!?

Prambo Mon 23-Sep-13 11:38:51

<munch, munch, gobble, slurp>
<belch>

Whassat, Comms?

Prambo Mon 23-Sep-13 11:39:34

Mummy, people are lovely, aren't they? Folks just love to give baby stuff away smile

MummyPig24 Mon 23-Sep-13 11:47:38

That's so nice mummy. I was so happy to lend out or give my baby stuff to people who needed it. We have a lot less money than last time so I hope we experience the same generosity

MummyBee87 Mon 23-Sep-13 11:51:58

Prambo - honestly I'm so touched, I know a lot of people talk about things but then never follow through, but she's already said (due to moving) that she's washed stuff boxed it up and will drop it off on Friday. And I think it does encourage us new parents to donate things after we're done with them to other friends or family etc. I'd definately want to help someone else as much as she's helped us. X
Feeling rather Chipper! gringringrin x

HotCrossPun Mon 23-Sep-13 12:01:14

Is Baldrick our first gender reveal? Have I missed anyones news?

Congrats! thanks

It doesn't seem that long ago we were all moaning about how early on we all were, the nerves before getting to our 12 week scans etc. And now look at us! The next few weeks are going to be so exciting as everybody get's their news.

mummy What lovely friends your OH has smile

Joll mimi Those kegal exercises are exhausting! We should all do them together at a certain time every day so we remember. Or somebody should post KEGALS every now and then. I didn't even realise you had to do them before the birth, I thought it was afterwards