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Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

(1000 Posts)
HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 13:00:48

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 13:01:37

And here's the list:

Hazle - D-day 21st of June
Cavort - D-Day 26th June
Purplemonster - 2nd July
Janey - D-day 9th July
Alex - D-day 28th Nov
foody - D-day 26th Dec

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 13:02:46

sorry, added you too, frog

Hazle - D-day 21st of June
Cavort - D-Day 26th June
Purplemonster - 2nd July
Janey - D-day 9th July
Alex - D-day 28th Nov
foody - D-day 26th Dec
Frog - D-day 13th Jan 2014

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 13:03:14

Marking place. Just looking at those dates is scaring me - how have we all got to this point so quickly?!

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 13:05:43

Hazle - D-day 21st of June
Cavort - D-Day 26th June
Purplemonster - 2nd July
BraveLilBear - D-day 22nd July
Janey - D-day 9th July
Alex - D-day 28th Nov
foody - D-day 26th Dec
Frog - D-day 13th Jan 2014

Hola Hazle thanks for doing the honours! You just beat me grin

Congrats to Alex and Foody for scan joy... esp to Alex for not murdering MIL. Or DH.

All hunkydory here, yesterday's dramas seem to have picked up a bit - Mr Bear's job is not looking quite so perilous, and I am acting like a grown-up today too.

How's everyone else?

Cavort Tue 14-May-13 13:21:32

I am in a caravan near Newquay in what I can only describe as a monsoon. Ahhh, the good old British weather. smile It's still better than being at work. grin

Today I am mostly knackered, aching and bored with work after my day off yesterday turned into the opposite of the relaxed lying on the sofa I wanted and I actually ran around like a blue arsed fly doing hard core cleaning and tidying.

No, it wasn't 'nesting' as I'm led to believe that is accompanied by a huge enthusiastic burst of energy, this was more resigned and exhausted 'I can't take living in a shit pit any more, nobody will do it if I don't' kind of cleaning!

Really though, everything is pretty good and I've managed to get an Osteopath appointment next Tuesday so I'm holding out a lot of hope for that.

Glad to hear that Mr Bear's job might be ok, if not, he can have mine, I don't really want it anymore grin

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 13:31:09

Marking my place and sitting here with a big grin on my face!

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 13:31:23

work not too bad today - several colleagues have been saying how great I look and how they can't believe I'm just weeks from due date. Much better than the "OMG I can't blieve you can possibly get any bigger" people.

Going to see the maternity ward this evening - can you guys also go and check them out beforehand? For some reason, they don't do it in Switzerland any more, but actually recommend in France.

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 13:50:23

Ooh that'll be useful Hazle - I think here it depends on the hospital/MLU. I don't think I will get the option as I suspect they're just too busy to have scared looking people waddling around for no reason.

It's a shame as I think seeing the setting will really help take away some of the fear. Hope it's good for you.

envy at Purple and Cavort - even in a monsoon is better than being at work!

Have found, oddly, that the only coat I own that still fits is my anorak I bought two years ago for Glastonbury. I can even do up the zip and still have room! Twas quite big at the time, mind...

Still, it's nice to have some protection from the wind and showers grin

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 13:55:31

My hospital offers NHS antenatal classes, and the fourth and final one of those includes a tour of the maternity ward. Am sure it's worth taking a look before the big day!

I've had three, THREE people already at work today tell me how huge I look, that I've grown AGAIN!, that I can't possibly get any bigger...WIBU to poke the next person who comments on my size in the eye with a sharp shit covered stick or is that just excessive violent pregnant lady rage talking? grin

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 14:11:36

purple you response should be to say...
"I know! I've been meaning to ask you where you shop now we are the same size" grin
and good luck at the osteopath!

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 14:27:19

Does anyone know anyone who had to have a cervical stitch done to prevent miscarriage at a later stage? Just had my app with a specialist and need to decide whether to have a stitch put on my cervix in two weeks. He recommends it based on looking at/feeling my cervix. Gone from grin to sad

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 14:40:19

I had a leez loop a couple of years ago so have read a bit about it, this is the most useful info I found -
They say is very unlikely i will need it as only had the 1 procedure, but I had read a bit before I knew this.

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 14:40:59

Sorry don't know anybody, but poor you! sad

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 14:51:27

DH just texted that with the energetic dog-mindee gone, it's so bloody quiet at home, like we don't even have pets. (And we have 5).

Told him to stop complaining and enjoy the last few weeks of silence grin

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 14:58:13

Hey alex, yes, a colleague at work had one. Had it put in early doors (but think she had three treatments on cervix?) and taken out v.late just before labour. That's about all I know - she said it was just a preventative measure, just in case? Think it's relatively common though. Did he recommend you have one after just one lletz treatment?

Cavort Tue 14-May-13 15:00:56

No sorry Alex, I'm afraid I don't know anyone who's had it done. I believe it's a relatively common and straightforward procedure though.

YANBU Purple.

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 15:07:49

Alex I don't know anyone either, think there was a thread on pregnancy board a while ago with good info. Sorry for the downer. However, if it were me, I'd probably go for it (unless there are risks I wouldn't know about) as it might help reassure you that the odds are in your favour.

Tough call though.

Nice response Foody am so stealing keeping that one up my sleeve.

In other news... anyone else not putting on much weight at the moment? Was putting on a fair bit every week but not much in the last 3 weeks. Was happy first week (ahem) but now a bit worried that I'm starving the wriggler confused

Thing is, I'm not very hungry at the moment. Am just eating little bits here and there (fairly nutritious, mind) and trying to avoid heartburn that has gone from annoying to murderous - I've had it off water - in the last couple of days.

My weight gain thus far is 'normal' according to American app, up to 65kg from 57kg at 30 weeks, but just worrying that I'm unwittingly stunting little one's growth (and won't know for two weeks).

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:08:49

Well that's the thing, I've only had one LLETZ and the standard rule is they monitor it if you've had more than one or a late miscarriage. I pointed out I don't want to be back there after a late miscarriage saying "do I qualify now for monitoring" and he was understanding and asked how much I'd had removed etc. I said I was young and no idea. He then took a look and had a feel (really hurt, I was so tense and worried at him prodding around and kept saying "be careful!") Then afterwards he said it did look like I'd had a significant chunk removed and he thought it would be safer to put a stitch in. He booked me in for the surgery but I said I really felt that him looking and digging round wasn't accurate (in a nice way) and asked him to do a proper scan to check the length, so he's going to do that first. He said maybe 1 in 100 woman have it done very roughly so it isn't ridiculously rare. Still terrified though and wondering if I did the right thing insisting he took a look?!

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:10:07

brave water has given me heartburn too, several times. Oddly squash doesn't seem to do the same thing?! Must all be in my mind...

alex I don't know the risks but brave's advice seems fair enough. Sure it won't be particularly pleasant to have it done, but better than worrying for the next six months?

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:12:21

Thanks both, I guess imagine if I didn't do it and the worst happened? Just feels weird that I was the one insisting for monitoring - confused wondering why they don't check after one treatment if this can be the resulting advice?!

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 15:22:38

Alex I feel for you, it sounds utterly grim. Hope DH was there (and no sign of MIL anywhere in sight) to give you some support. I think you've made a very wise choice to get checked, especially so early on.

I have a vague recollection of a trial being carried out in London or Kent where every pg woman is invited for an internal scan at circa 14-15 weeks to check cervix length in a bid to prevent problems by offering a stitch in time (if you will).

Some women with no previous treatment or previous history do have shorter cervixes and this is obviously a huge risk. That they don't automatically offer this to women who have had treatment in the past seems a bit bonkers to me.

Given that you're one of us older generation where risks seem higher anyway, I'd say it's sensible to take any precautions possible. Admittedly that's easy for me to say that, because I'm not the one going through it - but I'd like to think I would find the courage to do so if needed.

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:26:52

alex - have just mailed the colleague asking her for her experiences for you. We talk quite a lot so am sure she'll happily share. Will report back when I've heard from her...

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:30:19

Thanks bear really apprciate that. I'd told DH to go back to work as he'd already had the time off this morning for the happier appointments (haven't told him about this news yet) but MIL insisted on driving me to the hospital and back which was lovely BUT she then banged on about the distance/parking "issue" with that hospital, it's no better etc - I did nearly lose it with her blush

I'm hoping to get a second opinion on my crappy short cervix privately but need to find somewhere good. Just keep thinking, if I need it, how crazy that they weren't going to look?! And if I don't need it, am I putting myself at more risk by having anaesthetic and having it tampered with? Argh just when things were going so well!

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 15:31:24

I have just posted this as a new topic but do any of you have any ideas?
After a bit of advise -i am around 7 weeks and trying to work out when to tell work. i am a mental health nurse with older peeps and job involves some risks (agression/falls).
colleuges who have been pg recently (now on mat leave) have had altered duties as a result of pg, i.e no 1:1 obs and not involved in restraint or lifting (yes we do still have to lift people occasionaly).
i am worried that by not telling now i am putting me/us at risk, but there is no way i can tell my boss without everyone else knowing and not sure I am ready for that yet!
I do have a bad back, but not really up for lying and saying that is whats wrong first.
Anyone had anything similar? is there anyway I could expect my boss to keep it confidential and still put a plan in place to support me?

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 15:36:07

alex think i plan on asking for it to be checked out too, even though i also had just 1 lletz the last time i had a smear the nurse commented on the scarring and that things looked 'different' (really pissed me off at the time as she could tell me no more about what it meant!)

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:37:18

alex - much as I'm always banging on about the NHS, I do think this is a symptom of it. If you're educated and confident you question things, but sometimes I feel like they're so busy if you were less knowledgeable or confident you might be ignored. Is desperately sad really, but thankfully we're both more than capable of asking the questions needed. It's a bit like the elcs issue - no-one would have told me, unless I asked, that I was much, much more likely to need a cs or assisted birth (forceps or ventouse) than if I was just 5 years younger - yet because I have asked, and done research, they're taking me seriously and together we're all deciding on my best route of care. Know it's not the same at all, but do think it's kind of the way things are due to pretty severe time/money constraints right across the NHS sad

foody - no experience here as I'm in an office job I'm afraid. Surely your boss would be obliged to keep it secret; so you could tell them the real reason, and fob colleagues (if they wondered why your role is changing) that it's down to a bad back?

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:38:10

(oh, and I meant to say that I was always banging on about how brilliant the NHS are, not just that I've been banging on about them!)

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:46:54

Me again! Seem to be chatting to myself.
Colleague responded saying:

"The procedure itself is fine although a wee bit embarrassing as they just give you a spinal block. I had a lovely nurse who chatted to me the whole way through.

It wasn’t painful and I wasn’t uncomfortable afterwards either.

My advice is do anything to keep the baby in."

It obviously went well for her and she has a lovely little girl she often bores me talks about

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:47:25

Thanks janey it is scary how much trust you put in midwives/consultants for their opinions, I'm trying to be as informed as possible. MIL was telling me not to google, too much info can be a bad thing etc. Totally disagree!

foody I've had that comment during a smear too! Wonder if that means ours look worse or they took more off than they usually do at one LLETZ. I'd def get yours looked at too although then you'll have this confusing dilemma, but they might say yours is fine. Oh and I told my boss first and asked her to keep it confidential until 12 weeks (I had to due to risk issues) so you could do that at work.

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:53:06

Oh and foody, I meant to say I agree with janey, could you fob them off somehow (your colleagues)?

janey thanks! Why is the spinal block embarrassing? Don't care about embarrassment one bit, had three people looking at my dodgy cervix today including a cute student doctor and I told them about DH's sex ban when they advised to be careful during sex! So embarrassment not a prob grin but just wondered what a spinal block is and why she was embarrassed?

I think that settles it doesn't it. Would never forgive myself if I don't do this and the worst happens. Janey I can't WAIT to be the one boring you talking about my baby all the time grin Am scared though eek.

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:53:23

I do agree that doctor google is, generally, an incredibly bad idea - you can always find some loon more than happy to confirm your worst fears! But there are times when it enables you to get actual, real statistics on things and help with an informed decision. So generally I stay well away, but have found it invaluable at times!

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:56:25

Oh alex - hope you didn't accidentally find yourself flirting with the cute doctor, like I did when I was hormonally bonkers due to going through a mmc. I think that trying to vaguely flirt with a man who was trying to fish a massive blood clot out of my cervix was, with hindsight, one of the most hideously cringeworthy things I've ever done... blush

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 15:58:29

Oh god, me again. Am going to stop posting now, promise!
Her response re the embarrassment:

"Not the spinal. The fact that you are lying there wide awake whilst strangers are fiddling around with your bits."

Urm, surely when you're going to have to face childbirth at some point it really isn't that embarrassing?!

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 15:59:22

No I was too busy being made to cough to "relax" so the doctor could get his big fat fingers in to have a feel around - was so nervous! Really told him off for prodding around and "not being careful enough"! So no flirting for me!

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 16:01:57

Oh and I've had my bits fiddled with loads by strangers blush - tons of scans and dildocams, I'm used to it!

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 16:04:50

Haha I wish you'd finished that post sooner -

"I've had my bits fiddled with loads by strangers" grin grin

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 16:18:13


Frogcatcher Tue 14-May-13 16:29:13

Oh Alex big hug. I had a LLETZ (or LEEP) procedure in December 2011 & from what I remember reading then they said it shouldn't have any effect on carrying children from just one procedure but I guess it might depend on how much was removed. Also not sure if technology has moved on so that they now cause less damage. When I get to the scan stage I'll def ask though esp as I'll be 37 by EDD. Ironically I'm supposed to go for a follow-up check-up at gynae clinic this month but will have to cancel as they said they couldn't do it if I was pg by then.

Frogcatcher Tue 14-May-13 16:35:25

Wow me, Alex & Foody we can start our own post-LLETZ & potential cervical stitch club. I've often wondered you know whether the procedure had any effect on fertility as although they said it doesn't there did seem to be a higher than normal incidence of people who had had them in the Berry group who were then struggling when TTC.

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 16:40:23

Thanks frog been reading stories online and feel confused. Really want to get a private second opinion on whether I need it so wondering how to find somewhere reliable. I haven't bled once in this pregnancy which is making me think my cervix is doing well, but I know the baby is only small now. Also read that there's a risk of infection with the stitch and I REALLY don't want to take antibiotics when pregnant, am going to call and ask them that. Would feel better if the doctor had done more than just look and feel around as how can he be sure?!

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 16:46:48

can you ask to have a colposcopy? by someone who is part of the department who does the stich?

Frogcatcher Tue 14-May-13 16:51:29

Do you think that they'll do a colposcopy when you're pg? I was only supposed to have a smear this month & they told me when I was there last time & just starting TTC that they wouldn't do it if I was pg. I think that they're nervous about doing anything intrusive near the cervix.

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 16:52:44

have you tried googling private antenatal care in your area?

Frogcatcher Tue 14-May-13 16:52:47

Mind you if they've already had a good rummage around with their fat fingers then I can't see a camera being any worse!!

Ugh if men had to have their bits fiddled with as much as we do the human race would die out. grin

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 16:55:16

i dont think a colposcopy would be any more intrisive than an internal scan or DTD, but I may be wrong, I only had the one colposcopy when I had the lletz and my memory of it is a bit hazy

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 17:03:17

I was told I wasn't even allowed to have my routine smear when pregnant...?

Foodylicious Tue 14-May-13 17:05:08

Maybe I have it all wrong then. seems some of the reading i have done is what they do in the states too, they routinly smear as part of pregnancy care.

Alexandra6 Tue 14-May-13 17:15:18

Crap I'm reading a BBC article which suggests that a stitch does bugger all and a short cervix basically has a 25% chance of late mc sad Wonder how accurate this is?

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 17:16:57

I think part of the no-smear thing Janey is because hormonal changes can make results come back abnormal even when they're not necessarily abnormal. Therefore, loads of women were having unnecessary treatment during pregnancy on an issue that would probably clear up anyway after birth.

Alex I'm admiring your gung-ho positive attitude to having your bits fiddled with by randoms! That sort of thing completely and totally wires me out. The thought of induction is positively terrifying to me for that reason. (I repeat - I'm a total wimp)

< Janey I'd find that embarrassing... but then I did spend 6 weeks pulling my pants down for my a-hole wound to be seen to, tho that was a lot less embarrassing as I could lie on my side with legs together>

Instead of getting private care, can you just see what the scan says instead? I think the measurements are fairly equivocal, with good evidence for each length - that should help you decide without having to shell out for a second opinion?

BraveLilBear Tue 14-May-13 17:37:07

X-post Alex - I'd say two things - first, that article is very very old, nearly 10 years (and the research was probably some time prior to that). If it was that ineffective, I doubt they'd bother.

Second, that article only references cervical cerclage - it doesn't mention other precautions like pelvic rest, regular checks etc.

Are there any charities out there that could help with this? There must be a lot of other women in your position - I'm sure someone must have some better research.

Please don't panic about this - many many women with cervical damage successfully carry their babies to term. You're in the system, so hopefully you'll be able to get the most appropriate care...

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 17:51:21

Also - remember your second opinion doesn't have to be private and cost money. You're entitled to a second opinion on the nhs, and loads and loads of nhs consultants do private work too, so there may not be any need to spend money?

One other thing - in terms of carrying to term, remember that premature delivery is often absolutely fine nowadays. The midwife said to me (re preeclampsia) that if I delivered at 30 weeks baby would be fine but take a while to recover in hospital, but if it made 34 weeks in womb it could go home almost straight away....

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 17:52:07

Ps fricking rain - roof leaking and bedroom flooded again! Purple - can you send your man round to fix it?! wink

Oh no Janey! Haven't been up to check ours yet but yes I'll send him round, feel free to keep him, he's pretty handy with DIY stuff if you can ever get him to do it but is otherwise a pretty useless lump. If you'll take his blasted dog too you can have him!

MotherOfCleo Tue 14-May-13 20:07:28

Hello ladies!

Sorry you're going through it alex. Glad you had a lively baby at your scan, so exciting!

I cant copy an paste on my damn phone but my EDD is 7th November grin

Oh an whoever said about poking in the eye with a shitty stick, can I just say 'do it, do it, do it' wink

HazleNutt Tue 14-May-13 20:38:05

Saw the maternity ward, not too shabby. Well, actually new and very nice. Mostly private rooms and they said that even if you have to share (with 1 other person) it's usually just for one day and then you get a single room. But they keep you in for 5 days, for a normal delivery - that was a bit of a surprise. I guess as a first timer, I will be happy to have someone helping with all the breastfeeding and other new things, but experienced mums must be bored to death.

5 days! shock oh my word! I'd go insane! I'm hoping for a 6 hour discharge (though I appreciate I may feel different when the time comes) then again, it's probably a much nicer hospital than we have here.

janey1234 Tue 14-May-13 21:59:23

Yes my friend has her third baby in geneva. Her first was at hospital in the uk, second an accidental home birth delivered by DH. Anyway she said it was actually more like a lovely hotel break - I think at one point they even took the baby away and delivered her and her DH a romantic meal to her private room! She bloody loved it smile

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 09:02:05

they claim that it's to check if baby is fine and gaining weight as he should. But still, 5 days? I could just bring the baby back for a check-up. Not a fan of hospitals, even nice ones.

Foodylicious Wed 15-May-13 09:13:56

hazle I would ask what they do when mothers want to take the baby home and they are both well? if you choose to have your baby in hospital it does not mean you have signed a contract to stay for 5 days!!! Also ask if you are staying for 5 days does that mean your dh gets to stay too! if you are both medically well thats maybe along time for you to be apart.
My friend had her baby in a fab unit where they all got to stay together when he had to go back in with jaundice, its york/thirsk area I think, too far away for me to consider sad

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 09:35:06

Will see when the time comes, maybe I'll be really grateful for the chance to have the assistance. I doubt they'd actually call the police if everything is fine and I wanted to leave.
How long will they generally allow you to stay in the hospital in UK, if there are no complications?

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 09:40:13

Found out at NCT last night that if there are no complications they keep you in for 6 hours post birth. The midwife told me it was, in general, 48 hours for an elcs (although my friend was out in 24!).

I think my chum in Geneva loved it so much as it gave her a break from the two kids at home wink

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 09:42:36

Oh, and alex tried to persuade me to respond to a plea she had from a journalist for women due to have a baby in July. Clearly I said no (and I think you were only joking right Alex?). However, THREE people at work today have already said I should have done it! I am enjoying looking at their bumps though and realising that, much as I feel huge, I'm just normally huge - and some women are bigger!

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 09:53:03

ok, 5 days is too long, but 6 hours is a bit on the short side.

wow pregnant women can certainly look different, some in that article have huge bumps!

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 10:01:33

and some of them are due more than a month later than I am. Just went to check my bump in the mirror - actually, I'm not that huge after all. grin

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 10:04:07

I know! It's really cheered me up. I think it's hard to judge yourself, but I think bump wise I'm somewhere between number 1 & number 4. And they're both due after me grin

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 10:04:40

ps please no-one judge me for posting a daily mail link btw. I hate the paper, really do. Was just sent that link and couldn't help but share it!

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 10:44:16

regarding bump sizes, was thinking about another colleague's comment: "From behind, I couldn't even tell you're pregnant!". Well, thanks, but can you ever? If the woman has put on a lot of weight, you can tell that she is fat and has a big arse, but are there pregnant women who look pregnant from behind?

Frogcatcher Wed 15-May-13 10:58:17

Wow those bumps are different. I think if its your second you tend to be bigger as your stomach has stretched once already. I'm about 2 weeks behind a woman at work (not that they know about me yet but she has told me & our boss already) so we are bound to be compared throughout our pregnancies including how we cope hmm=

BraveLilBear Wed 15-May-13 11:01:32

Janey you shall not be judged, and actually you shall be forgiven. I actually found that quite useful! The shape of mine is like number 2, but the size a bit bigger than number 4. Nice to compare as I have no scooby-doo how I look, just that I don't seem to be getting any bigger (not put any weight on for a couple of weeks either), but know that I must be as clothes are getting tighter and tighter.

Can't believe the Duchess is due 9 days ahead of me. It'll be just my luck that ours will come on the same day (though I strongly suspect that July 13 is a fake date and it'll be before that - a cancerian child would suit them well).

5 days is way too long to be kept in if everything's fine. I'm stressed about being kept in at all because I don't want to be separated from DP. Don't get me wrong, I might be knackered and want the rest - but I'd want him to be there. The only way we could guarantee this is by having a home birth, and he's vetoed that on various grounds inc mess and the fact that it's my first.

By the same token, 6 hours freaks me out as I've never been in charge of an actual live human being, let alone my very own one. Plus, being kept in for a couple of days means that my family can come and visit and not pester us as soon as we walk in the door - they live a long way away and there's no way we'll be allowing anyone to stay with us for some time.

BraveLilBear Wed 15-May-13 11:21:23

The only thing I can think of Hazle is the waddle - you can tell a pregnant waddle from behind, but I daresay you couldn't tell much else. I, though, have a fat arse. And thighs. But then so do most of the women pictured in the Mail, much to my comfort.

My friend very tactfully said that she thinks I'm having a girl because my shape's changed... which I later realised means I'm fat in places I never was before (and have boobs)!

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 11:28:09

Of course I was joking janey what sane pregnant woman would want to be compared to superwoman hazle Kate Middleton! In the Daily Mail of all places! wink

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 11:31:57

ah you might be right Brave, I've been lucky and have not developed the the penguin-walk yet.

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 11:36:18

Oh yes, the pregnancy waddle. I think I'm developing a waddle, mainly since my achilles on my right ankle is really really sore, and has been for a few months. Suspect that's something to do with hormones - or at least I hope it is - but has certainly left me with a bit of a waddle...

BraveLilBear Wed 15-May-13 11:39:33

Lol Hazle I think this is actually something we're supposed to aspire to, as it means BabyNutt has gone head down and giving you 'the bowling ball' sensation shock

I occasionally am a bit slow when I start off if I've been sat down for a while because my coccyx keeps getting sore and stiff - but I'm usually bounding about like my usual Tigger self within a minute or so!

Cavort Wed 15-May-13 13:19:37

Me too Brave. DH says I'm like a granny for the first few paces these days, what with my dodgy hips an all. And ever since breaking my foot the first few steps after being immobile for a while are really stiff and make me limp. I really am a sight to behold getting out of bed these days grin

I fear I started waddling quite a while ago but I blame my dodgy hips! I think that article may have cured me of my pregnancy body dysmorphia as even though I've endured another morning of lots and lots of virtual strangers commenting on how big I am, I don't think I look as big/any bigger than some of those ladies and my due date is right at the beginning of July so it's making me wonder what everyone is wittering on about!
I'm really not a fan of the idea of being stuck in hospital and if it weren't for the risk of complications due to my stupid liver, I think we would have gone for a home birth. As it is I'm hoping to be allowed to give birth at the MLU and be sent home to my own bed as soon as possible. As much as I might not know what I'm doing, I'm sure I'd feel better not knowing what I'm doing at home, I really hate people fussing around me when I feel like crap.

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 13:40:16

I definitely find it harder to get up from the sofa, often demand that DH rolls me off pulls me up. But once I'm up, I'm fine, still in heels and can walk normally.

Oh, and at least so far, my feet have not grown. Hope they can behave for those last few weeks as well, I have a massive amount of shoes.

BraveLilBear Wed 15-May-13 14:01:11

Glad it's not just me! It reminds me of a Billy Connolly stand-up gig I saw years and years ago... he said the definiteion of getting old was when you start making involuntary noises when getting up and sitting down.

I'm ancient by that logic! shock grin

Purple if it makes you feel better, I just had someone tell me my bump appeared before me round corners these days... followed by someone else, who was due nearly to the same day last year, congratulating me on how neat my bump is. Tis very funny. Definitely feel better after seeing those pictures. Tho word of warning that she didn't get any stretch marks til gone 37 weeks so will stop feeling smug for being line free at the minute and start redoubling creaming efforts asap

Good news on the shoe front Hazle - so far, so good for me, too.

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 14:48:04

yes Brave that's what all the people I've talked to have said, stretch marks appeared around 37-38 weeks only.

Oh great, something to look forward to then hmm I did think I was doing well on the stretch mark front given that my efforts to rub cream into it lasted less than a week.

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 16:08:53

Argh I don't know what to do confused - just had a second opinion on my cervix and this consultant doesn't think I should do an elective stitch now and thinks we should wait and keep scanning regularly. However the guy yesterday said he thinks an early elective stitch is more effective than trying to 'save' an opening cervix later as an emergency. The second-opinion consultant is calling my usual consultant to discuss the differing opinions (although surely this will annoy my regular one - a bit like cheating?! I want to keep seeing both but am worried my usual will get annoyed, don't think he can refuse though hopefully). I'll be back in two weeks for scans so hopefully no drastic cervix changes before then. Really struggling with this and wishing I was back to worrying about stuff like what food I can eat and whether I can fly in pregnancy! What would you all do?

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 16:15:30

Ah good news Alex, been thinking of you. This was the guy that was recommended to you by a colleague, who has an excellent reputation? Did he scan you rather than prodding around? If yes to both, then I'd imagine he's got a better idea than the other guy of what's going on and what does or doesn't need to be done. As such I would def be trusting his opinion. Did they give you any measurements or anything, so you can go away and do your own research?

Don't worry re: second opinion - they're very used to it, and it's your right.

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 16:15:36

what objections does the second guy have?

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 16:17:14

Oh, and I have never worried about either what to eat or flying - have done lots of both! grin It seems that these worries (liver issues, pre-eclampsia, cervix length etc) are just sent to try us...

Foodylicious Wed 15-May-13 16:34:21

alex wait and see what he tells you after they have had a chat, they shouldnt
't be bothered by this at all, its part of their job! really don't worry about him being annoyed, you are entitled to be as informed as possible for you to make a decision.
If they are happy to keep monitoring you closely, find out exactly what this means, and what changes they would be looking for, just so you know what they are doing!!

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 16:44:17

He said it looked about 300mm (hacked away at the entrance) which isn't ridiculously short but he said it's very hard to see on a scan what's cervix and what's placenta and impossible to predict what will happen (as I looked at him with desperate eyes!)

At first he was just saying their policy is to only do the stitch late on when you definitely 100% need it. They do precautionary stitches, but only really following a history of previous late mc. I said I can't afford a late mc before they are cautious so I need caution with this baby.

His objections were it's surgery, risk of infection, they don't know for sure it will make a massive difference at all, it could do more harm than good (although that doesn't seem to match with the success rate I'd seen online), I could be fine without it. It mainly just didn't seem to be his policy. It's the decision part of it all that's so hard. A friend of mine said her cousin lost a baby at 23 weeks due to cervix issues and then had a stitch put in next time and carried full term so she would insist on having it before I have to go through that.

Foodylicious Wed 15-May-13 16:56:39

my sister had bleeding with 'threatened mc' with her first, but was just given bed rest, i dont remember how ling this went on for (days not weeks). she was not offered a stitch with her second and did not have any issues, now has healthy happy daughter.
My sisters friend found out she was pg after emergency laproscopic surgey on a burst cyst, managed to keep the pregnancy, but she did bleed quite frequently through the pregnancy and barley left the house. She also went on to have a healthy happy daughter.
I am seeing this friend tomorrow and if she seems up for it I may be able to ask about the stitch, pretty sure she had one.
ont know if any of that was helpful at all, sorry x

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 17:05:35

Yes please foody any stitch/cervix scan stories would be helpful smile

janey1234 Wed 15-May-13 17:07:06

Random one alex, but have you heard of Professor Kypros Nicolaides? I have read a lot about him on MN and the tinterweb in general. Think he's one of the leading professors in the UK, and actually almost in the world, on pre-natal research and care. Anyway, when I was looking at organising my private 12 week scan I saw he operates out of Kings and also the Fetal Medicine Centre. Anyway, if you really are worried, maybe look into trying to see him? I had decided that if my downs risk wasn't low I wanted to see him before any invasive tests, and wonder if getting the opinion of someone so internationally respected might be of help? Or maybe a third opinion would just muddy the waters some more... sad

Cavort Wed 15-May-13 17:38:11

Oh Alex, what a dilemma. I really don't envy you having to decide and I really don't know what I would do in your shoes. I think maybe you should get the hard facts and then decide yourself following doing as much of your own research as possible.

Really feel for you Alex, your head must be spinning with all of it, hope you can find some good information which will help you make an informed choice.

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 18:04:16

I think I've decided to wait and see, for now, with regular scans, another one in two weeks. Have heard from my usual consultant and it sounds like I can see them both separately for scans so two opinions. If it gets shorter, I'll ask for weekly scans and ask their opinion on when it's stitch-time. I am feeling so down about it - just for a couple of hours yesterday I could enjoy my pregnancy, was so happy, and now I can't even look at my lovely baby scan pic without bursting into tears! Thanks for the support thanks

Frogcatcher Wed 15-May-13 19:12:14

Poor you Alex flowers. So annoying that the joy at seeing your scan has turned into such a nightmare. I would suggest just avoiding any hasty decisions until you feel you have all the facts, can talk it over with DH and reach a joint rational decision.

I've booked a scan for 8 weeks. Rather bizarrely the clinic said that there was loads of availability that evening as people tend to leave booking to the last minute & I'm booking 3 weeks ahead. Eh? I don't understand that at all. Surely if you're a worrier like me an impatient type you know whether you want an early scan or not? Unless people do it when they get worried by symptoms or something I guess.

HazleNutt Wed 15-May-13 21:09:54

Poor alex sad

Back from the gym. Have to admit that Tae Bo is now getting quite difficult and I got an annoying heartburn from it. Hopefully Bodypump tomorrow will still be ok, would like to teach it for a couple of more weeks, but will see.

Cavort Wed 15-May-13 22:04:35

Hazle you really are the bionic woman! grin

Quodlibet Wed 15-May-13 22:06:37

Oh Alex that's a horrible dilemma but sounds like you have thought out a sensible course of action and have got good care on hand. I appreciate your concern about the 'wait and see' attitude, and I know it can feel like your outcome is just a statistic to them sometimes, but the flip side of that is that they look at cervixes all day everyday and probably have a very good feel (scuse the terrible pun) for when things can be safely left. I really sympathise with you not being able to feel happy about the pg because of the worry, it's a really really hard set of emotions to cope with.

I have had a tiny tiny amount of brown spotting in the last 48 hrs - loads of very mundane possible reasons why, logically (it was after sex, have a known cervical ectropian which has caused spotting before, scan showed up some implantation bleeding in womb which she warned might show up as spotting) but still the frightened part of my brain managed to stay up half the night terrifying myself about the possibility of a second MC. It is truly horrible and very hard to keep the 'good' statistics uppermost in your mind.

Alexandra6 Wed 15-May-13 22:23:23

Oh quod I would have got so anxious too. Brown is good though, old blood, better than red. Has it stopped now?

Also, sex, what's that? wink so glad I have my sex ban in place to try and help my cervix! Have decided I'm going to have a VERY boring summer, staying home with feet up as much as poss, as am reading online that some people with cervix issues take bed rest.

Cavort Wed 15-May-13 22:28:07

I don't know if you remember Quod but I had 2 bouts if bleeding prior to 12 weeks (4 if you count the 2 before BFP). It really is very common in early pregnancy. I believe brown is a good sign as it's old blood, although mine was bright red and accompanied by cramping and still all was fine. Only natural to be worried though, can you perhaps phone your MW for reassurance?

Hey ladies of the group I am doomed never to join! Hope you are all well and getting excited now the first due dates are looming. And frog in case you didn't see I posted a gushy MSG saying how truly over the moon I am for you. What's happened to mother of cleo, has she name changed?

Cavort Wed 15-May-13 22:37:58

Hi Merkin, you will absolutely be here soon. Get theeself shagging though, I have seen by stalking the other thread that you have fallen off the wagon. smile

Mother is here somewhere, she probably just hasn't got as much hot air as the rest of us blush

Quod, appreciate it probably doesn't offer all that much comfort but just to add that I also had three bleeds before 12 weeks, two brown and not too heavy but one red and a much more significant amount, as terrifying as it is, it doesn't always mean the worst flowers

Hi Merkin <waves>

HazleNutt Thu 16-May-13 09:31:00

Ouch I certainly should slow down a bit, achy from the gym this morning and generally not comfortable.
BabyNutt has had a growth spurt seemingly overnight. I had the same around 21-22 weeks when I suddenly went from looking chubby to looking pregnant. And now i've gone from looking pregnant to looking like I've swallowed a massive beach ball, I kid you not. 5 weeks to go..

Alexandra6 Thu 16-May-13 09:51:20

Take it easy hazle!

What stage is generally seen as safe to have a baby, at the earliest, does anyone know? Guess it varies?

janey1234 Thu 16-May-13 10:03:50

hazle I can't believe how much you can still do. Am overcome with awe on almost a daily basis. But yes, slowing down a bit now is a good idea I'm sure!

alex I know that babies are considered "viable" from about 24 weeks (although my friend Daz's mate (your DH prob knows his mate actually) had a baby at 23 weeks who survived despite poor chances and is a healthy 3 year old now). When the midwife was talking to me about the possibility of me having to deliver early, she said that from 34 weeks all will be fine, and it's a big landmark in that way. But she also said that even if I had to be admitted to hospital then and there (was 29+6) the baby would be fine, just have to stay in hospital for a while, but the odds were that it would almost certainly be healthy and well and home relatively quickly, so said not to worry at all if that had to happen. From 37 weeks is considered full term.

quod - how are things? been thinking of you, can't imagine how stressful the blood must have been for you. Hopefully all is well though.

janey1234 Thu 16-May-13 10:22:04

Oh, just found this. Seems to support what the midwife said (fine at 30 weeks, but even better at 34). Amazing that there's an 80% chance at just 26 weeks.

Length of Pregnancy Likelihood of Survival
23 weeks 17%
24 weeks 39%
25 weeks 50%
26 weeks 80%
27 weeks 90%
28-31 weeks 90-95%
32-33 weeks 95%
34+ weeks Almost as likely as a full-term baby

Cavort Thu 16-May-13 10:58:40

Janey that list is really interesting, and yes surprising that the chances are so good so early. These babies are resilient little buggers grin

I think there may be an issue around being mentally prepared when bubs arrives early though. My friend now thinks she had undiagnosed PND after her baby arrived at 36 weeks because she just wasn't mentally prepared for it. I am 34+1 and can honestly say I am not mentally ready for a baby to arrive.

Hazle no doubt you will also be putting us all to shame by doing body combat the day after the birth. Superwoman grin

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 11:02:08

Morning all,

Sorry to hear of the drama Quod and continuing angst Alex. Like others said, brown blood is usually fine, not that that helps level out the emotional trauma. A watching brief seems very sensible Alex... just take it easy and try and find ways to relax a bit.

That table is amazing Janey - I remember seeing my aunt when I was 24 weeks. She's a consultant neonatal neurosurgeon and she said even then that 24 weeks was about the time that neurosurgeons start to breathe a little easier. It's genuinely incredible.

At some point Hazle you're going to have to take it a little easier! You're doing amazing but yuk at body-pump induced heartburn.

I feel like I may also be in growth spurt territory at the moment - bump feels bigger and like BabyBear suddenly has less room (yesterday, I had something lodged in my diaphragm when I sat in certain positions). Am also very very tired. Still not put any weight on in best part of three weeks, tho am definitely getting bigger.

Weird confused

janey1234 Thu 16-May-13 11:04:54

Absolutely cavort. I was with a friend last night who had her baby seven weeks early, and knew for a couple of days it was going to happen. She said that all she kept saying to her DH at that point was that she thought they'd done the wrong thing as she wasn't ready to be a mum! No PND for her, but a massive case of self doubt...

And agree about hazle - she'll be doing body combat whilst I will probably be considering relocating to the lounge to save me the effort of going upstairs to bed!

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 11:06:46

Cavort that's really interesting about your friend - things not going as expected is a massive trigger for maternal mental health issues. Someone I know did a lot of research about this, especially in women whose waters broke prematurely. Because it was so unexpected, it really messed with their heads - the same professor is now researching other elements of how expectations of being/becoming a mother effect mental health - especially around the illusion of birth choices - ie why women who end up with instrumentation/EMCS feel like a 'failure'.

HazleNutt Thu 16-May-13 11:20:50

In case you have not received enough conflicting info, Alex, here is an article about bed rest and shortened cervix:

Good point about not being prepared. Certainly a shock it you expect to have a month or so to go and baby arrives tomorrow. I know plenty of women who had their babies early, so have also been trying to take into account the possibility that it could actually happen any day now.

I don't know about not 'mentally' ready, I'm just not actually READY!

Still lacking an awful lot of baby essentials in the purple household and given that 'my stupid liver' (this has become the actual technical term for this illness in my house) causes a higher incidence of premature natural labour, and given that really I'd actually LIKE to evict the little monster slightly early just to avoid the induction they're insisting on otherwise, I really, really need to shake off this relaxed attitude and actually get organised.

I just can't seem to make myself worry about it all. I KNOW I used to be more stressy and therefore, more organised than this before but these pregnancy hormones seem to have sent me into a zen like trance of 'meh, why worry, it will all be alright'. Poor wee mite could end up sleeping in a drawer at this rate shock But just over 6 weeks until due date is absolutely ages...right?...WHY IS MY PANIC MODE BROKEN???

HazleNutt Thu 16-May-13 11:24:24

Oh and I know you don't believe me, but honestly, sports is easy. Putting shoes on, cutting toenails, getting out of bed 3 times per night to pee - way more difficult than just standing there doing squats or bicep curls.

Cavort Thu 16-May-13 11:30:54

Brave I have also read some studies on the subject, and is why my birth preferences basically says we are open to anything so long as the baby (and Mum!) are safe. I really don't think I can mentally prepare for premature birth though. No matter what I do I will be shocked if baby arrives any earlier than about 38 weeks.

On the weight gain front, I didn't gain any weight at all from 28-32 weeks... but seem to be making up for it now with the appetite of a horse shock

My belly button is going to 'pop' any time now sad

Cavort Thu 16-May-13 11:34:38

Hazle despite constant Kegels, I really don't think I could currently squat confidently without worrying about leakage blush

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 11:58:44

That's a relief Cavort! As to belly button, somedays it pops out, and somedays it goes flat. I think it depends what Baby Bear's up to - when back is on my tummy, it pops out and when it's elsewhere it doesn't.

It's weird though, it's not hard when it is out, just squidgy. But then I have always had a very very flat belly button all my life, it's never been a proper inny either... (previous a very skinny bear - my belly button piercing in my young 20s wouldn't take because there wasn't enough skin so I do have a little scar from that, which has also stretched flat now!).

Frogcatcher Thu 16-May-13 12:00:30

quod there are tons of people with spotting on my jan 14 thread & someone found a statistic that it happens to 25% of women. I know it's easy to say but try not to worry. Have you thought about paying for an additional scan if you're really worried?

One of my friends had her daughter & twins very premature tho I admit I don't know how early. I know she's never made it to an antenatal class though! They are all totally healthy now.

Frogcatcher Thu 16-May-13 12:28:46

Oh & her first time she was on a work conference in Brighton & thought she had food poisoning from dinner when the contractions started! Baby was almost born in hotel room! Luckily her DH works with her so was there too.

MotherOfCleo Thu 16-May-13 13:02:55

Hi merkin I am still here grin have another bloody cold/sore throat bug so am at home napping like a granny! The lessened immune system sucks, i've had 2 colds and a coldsore in 15 weeks....oh the joys.

You will be here soon enough.

You ladies are not full of hot air at all smile I'm just boring at the mo, nothing going on and nowt exciting to add, I am always lurking though grin

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 14:40:22

Hello Mother <waves> nice to hear from you but sorry about cold/throat rubbish.

The immune system thing sucks. The abscess I got early doors was caused by that, although other than that, I've only had one cold thus far <manically touches everything wooden in the vicinity>

I have found myself being a bit weirdy about other people and germs lately - much more inclined to avoid sniffly folks, wash my hands more than usual, much more careful with food hygeine etc.

HazleNutt Thu 16-May-13 14:53:03

Oh yes, even a tiny common cold when pregnant is a massive pain in the arse, as you can't really take anything. We got the same bug with DH and usually my immune system is far superior, but this time he just took some normal cold remedies and was fine in a day, while I suffered the better part of the week.

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 15:22:06

Ok so this is going to sound stupid but... I'm having a massive wobble. It's just suddenly hit me all the things I have to get and do before baby comes, and, worst of all, I'm going to have to go to hospital.

I don't know if this is a <massively> delayed reaction to my only experience of hospital when I ended up in urgent surgery in December. Or if this is an oh crap I'm going to have to give up all control fear. Or an 'I don't want strangers poking around in/on me'. Or an I really don't want to be separated from DP for god knows how long thing. Or I don't know enough about the hospital and what it looks/smells like.

I'm just freaking out a bit. Homebirth not an option - DP won't allow it (too messy) and I tend to agree about the risk being slightly higher for a wimpy first timer.

Someone tell me to get a grip please.

janey1234 Thu 16-May-13 15:45:25

Oh brave - I think it's very common to have a panic like this at about this stage. I'm sure it will happen to us all before D-days arrive.

Can you go on a tour of your local maternity unit, just so you have a 'feel' for it before you go? Might help you feel more relaxed in the run up to the birth, and indeed once you're there.

And I know there is LOADS to do before baby comes (my house is a shit tip, with a roof that currently leaks in THREE places, and as such, four different ceilings need replastering/redecorating) but the point it that really, you will get it all done. And if you don't, nothing terrible will happen. Babies need somewhere to sleep, clean nappies, something to wear and boobs. Anything beyond that can wait if it has to, or if baby arrives early.

Try not to panic - and remind me of these words when I inevitably start to panic at any time soon!

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 16:07:25

Have to say Janey the mention of boobs as a requirement did just make me smile. I know you're right... just need a deep breath or three and to get my list-pad out tonight I suspect.

I'll definitely be asking about a tour, I think it will be hugely beneficial, especially as my last hospital trip wasn't that pleasant (not same hospital, but next door and connected by a walkway that every time I drive past I wonder 'is that the way to surgery or does the women's hosp have its own theatres' etc)

I feel for you and your roof situation! Hopefully it's not too difficult/painful/expensive to sort.

Oh and will definitely remind you that all will be well when you hit the big red panic button grin

Here you go Bear, have a grip grin

I think it's normal to have a bit of a wobble, I'm actually a little bit worried that I'm so abnormally calm. I keep thinking that because I have been so uncharacteristically calm that it's only a matter of time before some hormone stops surging and my real nature dramatically re-asserts itself in the form of some sort of massive breakdown or mad sobbing hysterical panic. Have visions of me going through all of this, having the baby them handing it to me and me suddenly sayin "No, can't do this, sorry, changed my mind, don't want one anymore".

Whether any of us are having a wobble or not, the baby has to come out of there somehow so I'm sure it will all be fine, we'll all be fine, everything will be fine..but then, that's just my hormones talking grin

HazleNutt Thu 16-May-13 16:17:39

brave it's totally normal to panic. And I don't like hospitals one bit either - spent some time in one last year having my thyroid removed, and it all came back when we visited the maternity ward, even thought it was not even the same hospital. I do hope that once when we're at the stage where we can't breathe due to contractions (helpful description from my assistant just 10 min ago) we won't care about being in the hospital any more.

As for getting ready - janey said it, babies don't care if you have all items on your list ticked. DP will just have to go and get whatever is missing, you will manage.

BraveLilBear Thu 16-May-13 16:33:18

<takes grip> thanks Purple and thanks for sharing Hazle - glad it's not just me with weird hospital references.

Think I'm just having one of those days. Need to get home and have a nice long cuddle from DP I think. I suspect this is partly due to the fact that everyone else in my office is discussing the recruitment process for my replacement (they're literally sat next to me discussing who they're going to invite for interview and who they're really excited about, including same-level colleague who's being a bit self-important about it all) - I am the only one not involved and it's not just pissing me off but is also making everything very real.

Am being a child. Will snap out of it, now I have ownership of a Purple Grip.

My job has now gone out to external advert due to lack of interest internally. Closing date next Friday. This was the member of staff who was going to be sourced in time for a lengthly handover so I could train them. So they've only got to receive all the applications, shortlist, invite for interview, interview, shortlist, pick a winner, offer job, wait whilst they work their notice then they can start.

I leave in four weeks and they've got me working so much overtime next week which I have to take before I leave, I'm actually going to be leaving in about three weeks. So I'm guessing I wont actually even get to meet my replacement let alone train them hmm

MotherOfCleo Thu 16-May-13 18:59:33

I always use otravine spray but thats vetoed if pregnant so I'm having to fight it with vitamins, honey and lemon drinks and salt water gargles sad not exactly doing the job! I dont think you're even meant to use olbas but Im ignoring that!

I am still a total control freak, I feel like I should be doing something to prepare. I've started by trying to sell the sofabed an rowing machine in what will be babies room. My friend was asking how she will know when shes ready to ttc, I must have sounded stupid to her as I said basically start early as it can take ages (her OH is 40+, although sperm seem to go on forever) but also told her that ttc can take over your life, I said its only when you finally get pregnant that you think 'oh my god, I'm going to have a baby in 9 months'. For some reason ttc and having a baby seem like totally different things to accept, I dont mean I didnt know one led to the other, it just seems odd when you finally admit that you are growing a new person. Scared the crap out of me oddly enough. Off to the funny farm for me I think grin

Cavort Thu 16-May-13 20:17:40

You and me both for the funny farm Mother as, despite being a maximum of 8 weeks away and being beaten up daily from the inside, I still can't visualise a baby arriving at the end of this process. confused

Brave it must be tough after what you went through in Dec, but birth is not a medical emergency, it's a natural but bloody painful process which our bodies have evolved to be good at. And so many aspects of your care are down to your own preferences. You are in the driving seat for this, unlike your previous hospital experience. smile

MotherOfCleo Thu 16-May-13 21:55:27

Any thoughts re the britax b smart travel system? My friend is selling and has given me first refusal. Ive not really thought about prams yet. confused

sad not a happy pregnant lady here, spoke to the midwife at the antenatal class about my birth options and she agreed with the consultant that really I have very little choice and that basically I'm going to end up being induced then flat on my back in a hospital bed hooked up to machines monitoring baby constantly.

I know it's not the end of the world, I know worse things could happen to me than this but it's just the last thing I wanted, its like someone took my list of 'things i really don't want for my birth' then told me that's what i'm getting and I feel a bit upset about it all. I so thought she would say it would be fine for me to have my water birth at the MLU with as little intervention as possible.

I don't want to go to hospital! <wails> might need that grip back for just a minute or two Bear grin

Cavort Thu 16-May-13 23:20:00

Oh arse Purple, that really is shit angry Is there any chance if your condition improves that they might review their recommendations further along? At how many weeks are they likely to induce you? Of course you want to do what's best for baby and your health but it's still shit. thanks

Apparently bloody not as my bloods are all coming back normal anyway as I'm responding really well to the drugs. Stupid arseing liver. I'm so fucked off about it. Especially since all this panic is based on no actual facts or research at all, I know it's good that they're cautious and don't want to take risks but just...arrrrggghh!!!
Rant over grin
Right, induction at 40 weeks if bloods stay normal, earlier if things deteriorate. The only thing I can do now is commence operation early eviction, starting at 36 weeks I'm going to have to try every ridiculous old wives take out there to try to shift this baby early as its my only chance of at least trying to avoid induction because if I have to spend two days hooked up to the machines before anything even starts really happening I actually might lose my mind.

MotherOfCleo Fri 17-May-13 06:09:35

oh shit purple, not fun! I agree, operation early eviction sounds the best way! Although I have a feeling that a few of us first timers may go over and end up being induced, I do agree that would suck big time! sad

Alexandra6 Fri 17-May-13 07:30:07

purple sounds like we have opposite problems, you'll be doing all you can to get yours out while I'm doing all I can to keep mine in! Let me know what you're trying and I'll basically do exactly the opposite! Obvs not something you'll be trying, but I did read a theory that flying brings on early labour and people with high risk pregnancies shouldn't fly so will see how my cervix is looking and what the doc's say but might have to cancel my paid for holiday in June boo sad

Sorry you won't get the birth plan you want sad I have heard so many people don't but they usually find out last minute!

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 07:57:56

Purple I would imagine the best method of early eviction is to be totally unprepared and not want a baby to show up before due date. grin

Castor Oil worked very well for my friend a few weeks ago but it was the sickness and violent diarrhoea it gave her which started labour off.

The only person I have known to be induced recently resulted in a 'manageable' 7 hour labour and natural birth so it's not ideal but not necessarily doom and gloom.

MotherOfCleo Fri 17-May-13 08:11:40

ohhh cavort that doesnt actually sound so bad, why is it we are always told the horror stories?!?

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 09:10:48

Oh purple that sucks. Giving birth is so daunting, whichever way you choose - must be even more so if you can't even begin it in the way in which you'd choose.

I've heard castor oil can work too - but also that it can be horrendous for you (leading to dehydration) and even increase the odds of the baby having a bowel movement and there being meconium in the waters. I think I would be too scared, even though it is totally natural? thread debating it here

Although actually just seen this which seems to say it does no harm, but no good. Why is everything so confusing?!

Feel bad, inadvertently buried Mother's pram question with my whining, I know bugger all about travel systems, can anybody else help her?

Thanks for all the sympathy folks, still feeling shit about it today to be honest, going to allow myself to wallow in my misery today then pull myself together tomorrow. Barely got any sleep last night due to agonising cramp in calf/needing to pee constantly/having to get up for gaviscon so I'm too tired for positive thinking today, Friday or not! Oh and thanks for the good story Cavort but because I'm a gloomy Eeyore today I can't help but dwell on the person I know who was induced recently who was nearly 3 bloody days before she gave birth. Ugh, I'm even doing my own head in with my grumpiness! Will do something positive at lunch time and source some raspberry leaf tea capsules so I feel like I'm taking action.

Alex, I hope you don't have to cancel your holiday sad

Janey, you seem to be taking all of your pregnancy related problems (which frankly are much worse than mine), leaking ceilings and all in your stride, what's your secret? I'd normally resort to wine to cheer me up!

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 11:33:39

I don't know Mother. It seems that women who've had a bad birth seem much keener to share their stories than the ones who've had a good one. I have heard a few people saying that some women wear their week long agonising birth like a badge of honour so that may go some way towards explaining it. In RL I know many more women who've had good experiences than bad ones, it's just the bad ones are more memorable!

BraveLilBear Fri 17-May-13 11:49:05

Because Janey then all the men who are having hilarious fun pulling these strings of our life wouldn't get half as much of a kick out of it wink

<hands grip back to purple with thanks> Poor you Monster. They've certainly managed to paint the bleakest possible picture for you sad

Is it compulsory to be laid back? I understand that it is possible to get some movement, even while being monitored - and you should definitely be able to stand up and maybe sit on ball etc, even if it means DP holding sensors in the right place.

It may be slightly easier for the midwives, but it shouldn't be compulsory. Thinking about it, have you thought about maybe getting a doula in to help? It might be worth having a really good advocate on your side, especially if it looks like they're taking away standard options...

Alex not sure about flying bringing on labour, I think that's been disputed - from what I'm aware, it doesn't bring on labour (tho I guess the stress/anxiety might not help) - but if you do go into labour there's naff all they can do, hence why airlines won't take you if you have a anything other than a textbook pregnancy...

BraveLilBear Fri 17-May-13 11:52:14

Oh and pass on the travel system question... I know next to nowt about these things, other than the one we've picked (Mothercare Orb). I can offer that a travel system is a good idea, but it's recommended to always always have a brand new car seat unless you can 100% guarantee prior history of car seat and that it's not been in any accidents (even minor ones) etc.

There's a review page on MN with all sorts of prams and pushchairs, so you might be able to get some insight there... (look up the top, the tab next to talk...)

Alexandra6 Fri 17-May-13 12:26:46

Has anyone seen the clip of the guys testing out the labour simulator? Made me laugh, and I bet it's not even the same as proper labour!

I was really looking forward to a second trimester holiday (last one just the two of us!) and unless I tell the airline, they wouldn't know I'm high risk. I shouldn't go into labour at 18 weeks of course, it's just what if the change in cabin pressure/oxygen has an impact on my cervix if it's already short/fragile? What if it has no impact whatsoever and something goes wrong anyway and I always wonder? Also it means three weeks or more between scanning to check the cervix is holding up, in case they need to get the stitch in. Oh I don't know...purple I'm a right grump today too, happy Friday to us!

janey how did that girl in your NCT class who went into early labour get on? Did you enjoy the class this week?

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 12:37:01

Ditto re travel system. I just found one I liked and then checked the reviews... (thanks cavort! wink )

alex - really hope you don't have to cancel your holiday, would be just what you need after all the stress as well. The only silver lining I can think of is that if you're not allowed to fly for medical reasons, you would be able to claim the cost back on travel insurance - useful when you're about to give up work for a year! Make sure you have a policy in place now though just in case...

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 12:40:52

Cross post alex! We don't know yet. Got more details from the teacher this week though. Her waters had broken due to an infection I think, but they were waiting to see if they had broken at the bottom, or somewhere near the top. Apparently if it's the former they have to get the baby out, the latter and there's a good chance the hole can mend itself and all be fine. The leader hadn't heard an update since that though. She would have been 31 or 32 weeks though even if they had to get the baby out, so fingers crossed, she should have a very good chance of the baby being absolutely fine.

Babyjaney has got hiccups. AGAIN. Poor little bugger, must be driving him/her mad - has them several times a day!

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 13:02:43

Oh and purple - I think the key is putting your head firmly in the sand. If I stop and think about how much needs to be done, and what an absolute tip my house is, and the fact the baby may well have to come early, I do start to feel vaguely panicky. But I'm just kind of refusing to think about it, in a lovely, removed, hazy kind of way. Much better!

Am starting to hate the leg cramps though so you have much empathy from me over that. They are impossible to ignore sad especially when you wake up several times a night with them!

Ahh, head in sand, yes, I can do that, I'm GOOD at that, thanks Janey! My house is an utter pit too and the attic still needs a few finishing touches, you know just bits and bobs like an actual floor, stairs, walls, just little things really grin

Alexandra6 Fri 17-May-13 13:40:00

Wish I was better at that! Right I'm wedging my head firmly in the sand from now on!

DH had awful leg cramps during the night, I heard him cry out in pain and grab it, rubbing it until it stopped. What's he doing trying to get attention for aches and pains, he's stealing my pregnancy thunder! wink

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 13:46:42

Purple - you nearly made me sick with jealousy then over your few 'finishing touches' that need doing, but then I read the rest of the sentence. In a really horrible, kind of sadistic way, I'm glad (sorry) that it's not just me living in complete and utter chaos with a baby due to arrive very, very soon...

Alexandra6 Fri 17-May-13 14:12:54

Selfishly I would like to thank you two for helping to put me off building work this year! Think I've managed to convince DH it's not a good time, especially with recent dramas as I need as much rest as poss. And hey, it will be much easier to manage with a baby on the scene right? wink

Yup. UTTER chaos I'm afraid and I only mentioned the attic, you should see the rest of the sty house! Bits of our bedroom ceiling falling off, cracks, entire stud walls that need moving, every single room in the place needs redecorating...but I'm up to my ears in sand so I don't care, la la la.

Alexandra6 Fri 17-May-13 17:40:00


Saw this on another thread. I'll be avoiding dates - purple, dates will be your friend!

Thanks Alex! Bleurgh I don't like dates but anything for the cause right? Gotta be easier than trying to eat 8 fresh pineapples in a day anyway wink

BraveLilBear Fri 17-May-13 17:49:14

Lol Alex that's a good find. Completely random though.

May have to acquire that taste as time goes on... Have a lovely weekend everyone (unlikely I'll get back online this weekend) hope you all enjoy Eurovision tomorrow night grin

Hazle - with all of your affiliations, who will you be rooting for? No way the UK will get more than 5 points yet again - rubbish song, all of pro-Europe hates us cos of Cameron etc...

HazleNutt Fri 17-May-13 18:16:13

Brave still Estonia, although I actually haven't heard the song yet. The singer is pregnant too, by the way - too bad they've decided not to show it off but dress her in some kind of a tent.

BraveLilBear Fri 17-May-13 18:23:10

Awesome - will wave a small flag of support for Estonia too then grin

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 18:34:31

I think you will want them Alex - I think it's saying that once in labour, and admitted to hospital, the latent stage of labour was quicker for those who ate prunes (501 mins vs 928 or something shock). Think it says there was no difference in gestational age - so eat away!

(Yuck, I hate prunes!)

MotherOfCleo Fri 17-May-13 18:58:41

I hate prunes too, do they still count if you put em in a sauce? I'm thinking casserole or tangine etc?? grin Maybe I need to man up an learn to enjoy them.

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 20:03:32

Which? review of the Britax B Smart for you Mother. It scored 67%.

The Britax B-Smart three-wheeler pushchair is compatible with the Britax Baby Safe range of car seats and carrycots (which you have to buy separately). Is this three-wheeler pushchair as good across rough ground as on city streets? We put it to the test to find out.

The three-wheeled Britax B-Smart travel system handles rough and smooth terrain with ease, although it is more suited to the city than rural life. It's a reasonable pushchair, but it's heavy, too bulky to use on buses and does not provide a good enough pushing experience to be a Best Buy.

Parent-facing travel system
The B-Smart 3-wheel is suitable from birth up to 15kg (about six months), and has a reversible seat which allows you to interact with your baby face-to-face, or to let them watch the world go by. Car drivers will appreciate the integrated Click and Go adapters, which allow the car seat or carrycot to be fitted and removed very easily.

Comfy seat
Plenty of padding ensures that baby gets a comfortable ride, and the backrest reclines nice and flat for restful snoozes. The recline lever can be operated with one hand - once you've located it beneath the voluminous hood fabric, which can be challenging. The leg rest can be adjusted to provide better leg support, too.

The seat fabric resists stains well and is easy to wipe clean with a damp cloth. The seat covers are also removable.

Weight is a disadvantage
The handlebar is comfortable to use and the angle adjustment provides a range of heights for different users. But this pushchair is not the most comfortable to push - it's heavy and the handle feels a little bendy, particularly on stairs. The wide back wheels make manoeuvring it in tight spaces more difficult too.

You'll feel its weight pulling it up a short flight of stairs, so it's good that it is easy for two people to carry.

Like many three-wheelers it can feel a little off-balance on slopes, wheeling it up or down kerbs and around tight corners.

Bulky when folded
You only need to remove the seat to fold it if the seat is in parent-facing mode. It folds and unfolds very easily and has a clip to keep it together. It's a very bulky 380 litres when folded (55x108x64cm) and weighs 12.5kg. This makes it a heavy pushchair, tricky to lift and move when it is folded, particularly as it has no carry handle.

All the wheels are removable using a quick-release mechanism, but the pushchair is so bulky that you'll need a large car boot to fit it in, even with the wheels off.

Our testers liked the large storage basket, which is easy access, but its shallow back edge means that items could fall out on bumpy ground if you're not careful.

Do you already own this pushchair?
If you do, click the customer views tab - above the picture - and tell us what you think of it.

Pros: Gives a smooth ride even on bumpy terrain, car seat is easy to fit, reversible seat position, easy to recline, good access to storage basket, removable seat covers

Cons: Too bulky for use on public transport, heavy to carry, handle could be improved

Sod casseroles Mother, if I've got to eat dates they're going in a sticky toffee pudding grin

janey1234 Fri 17-May-13 21:14:40

Hiccups again.... And theyre always in my fanjo these days, now baby is head down. Most odd. Oh, how my Friday nights have changed!

Quodlibet Fri 17-May-13 21:22:03

We cook this recipe fairly often if you're after a tasty Tagine with prunes, its really yummy and also freezes well if you make a batch.

Thanks for all the reassurance re the spotting, it really was so so so light and went in a day so I think I prob just irritated my cervix blush. I realised today that I will be so so so glad to have the 12 week scan over on the 31st (two weeks today) and fingers crossed hopefully be finally put of the first-trimester Groundhog Day which I've been in since October it feels like! I think moving into a new trimester is going to feel like a massive shift and hopefully I will finally start feeling like this is actually happening.

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 21:22:05

Mine also gets a lot of hiccups Janey. I wonder if it's likely to continue after they're born?

That's really interesting about the dates. I also hate them but I wonder if you can blend them into a smoothie? I am willing to try anything to lessen my fear of labour and birth. If you have to start gagging at eating them at 36 weeks i've got a few weeks to psyche up to the challenge unlike the perineal massage which I'm supposed to start now.

Arf at fanjo hiccups, mine gets hiccups a lot...the baby that is, but my nether regions stay well out of it. Maybe Monster baby is the wrong way up, that would be a novel addition to my birth plan woes.

Although according to the stupid woman in my office, who strangely hasn't had children but knows all about it, my baby has moved and is 'in the right position now because you look smaller today, yesterday you looked like you were actually going to pop!' I may have muttered something about me having an amazing shrinking baby under my breath then kindly pointed out that it was perhaps just because I was wearing a looser top today. Fucking idiot people, apparently all I have to do to fix my agonising backache is 'tilt my pelvis' as well, she's full of gems this one hmm

Glad you're doing ok Quod x

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 22:46:25

Purple YANBU to tell this woman to fuck right off. Unless she has trained as a MW, how could someone who has never done it possibly give pregnancy advice?! You have enough on your plate without having to deal with arseholes.

I think my baby has changed position again because the kicks have moved to different places. I am optimistically hoping she is still head down though. At 20 inches long and nearly 5 pounds I would like to think I would notice her flipping to the other end.

yes but she's not very bright in her 50s and she's got nieces and nephews so obviously she's an expert...anyway, if I told her to fuck off, what would I do for entertainment for the next 4 weeks? grin

Cavort Fri 17-May-13 23:19:35

Ahhh I get it Purple <a bit slow> grin

Has anyone bought a changing bag yet? I have just started looking online another one having an exciting Friday night and I am shock at the price of some of them just for a wipe-clean bag!

I got a free one from Boots <cheapskate>

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 08:19:16

cheers cavort, hum that doesnt sound so good! Ideally I want to be able to fit pram and pooch in the boot, so pram needs to fold up pretty small. hmm

Haha, about the sticky toffee pud grin I dont really do desserts yes I know Im a freak I'm more into savory, but that does sound like an awesome way to eat them! Cheers for the tangine recipe sounds yummy!

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 09:12:09

is it odd that I'm only 15+3 but I have this urge to try out prams confused

Ive sold the sofabed and rowing machine which are in the current games room, soon to be babies room. I figure I need to clear it out before I can start buying things. grin

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 10:29:13

It's not odd at all Mother, I was desperate to start buying all the cute stuff and, like you, had to force myself to wait until we'd sorted out the baby's room so I had somewhere to put everything. As soon as the room was finished I went a bit mad on the baby buying. blush

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 10:32:09

Glad I'm not alone cavort grin

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 10:53:48

I bought my first baby items yesterday smile 2 babygrows, one says 'I love mummy' one says 'I love daddy' they were too cute to resist and only cost £1.50 each. Then I got home and my OH had also bought something, a little tshirt for his favourite team. Think its becoming very real to us both now. smile

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 11:23:27

Mother it's a really nice transition from worrying it will all go wrong to realising that it won't and that you have an actual little person on the way grin

I have just been on the scales and my weight gain so far is still 21lbs, which is within the normal range but is at the low end of normal. I have celebrated this by having an absolutely massive pain au chocolat for breakfast. They were BOGOF and I am tempted on the other one. Whadda ya mean that's not one of my 5 a day?!! grin

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 12:51:26

Do it cavort! Treat yourself! wink I've already put on 10lb which jmis too much really, I'm starting an exercise class next week though so hopefully that will help, I also think some of that 10lb is taken up by my boobs growth spurt which surely cant be counted? blush

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 12:58:44

jmis = is, see I even have fat fingers blush

janey1234 Sat 18-May-13 13:17:59

I've been having a pret chocolate croissant for breakfast at least three times a week since I got pg blush Unsurprisingly have put on more than you cavort! However the midwife did tell me my weight gain was bang on last week. She clearly loves chocolate pastries too!

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 13:35:48

Janey I should hope you have put on more than me because you're about a foot taller!

Despite having tons to do, I am stuck in on a Saturday afternoon waiting for DH's new toy our new TV to be delivered. I thought it would be here by now, I mean, who is still out delivering at this time on a Saturday?! I have done all the housework and now have nothing to do but sit on my ass, stuffing my face on MN. I should have a nap as it's guaranteed to arrive as soon as I nod off.

Frogcatcher Sat 18-May-13 16:25:42

Afternoon all! Have been AWOL as DP & I had a couple of days off work to go see cricket & then a hotel break where there was no 3G shock

I think I needed to step away from Mumsnet for a bit anyway as the January thread is all a bit worrying at the moment with people having a bad time. Sounds awful but it was starting to worry me that I'm not spotting or having nausea when I should be grateful.

The worst that is happening to me is that DP is being a bit of an arse. You'd think he'd be excited but he just doesn't want to talk about it. I think he's scared & worried how I'll cope if the worst happens so doesn't want to think that it's real until we have a scan. He's not communicating though & we're not DTD so it's stressing me out when I should not be stressing about anything! Anyone else find that their menfolk were negative cautious?

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 16:38:46

frog mine was the same so you're not alone. I wasnt even allowed to tell my parents till we'd had our early 9 week scan. He's changed now though.

MotherOfCleo Sat 18-May-13 16:40:14

oh and I came off the november thread as a) i couldnt keep up with it and b) everyone was saying you should be doing this or that and I found it too much pressure. You guys are my onpy thread now smile

Frogcatcher Sat 18-May-13 16:59:37

Thanks mother. I've been "allowed" to tell my mum & dad but we haven't told his. I would tell them if my MIL wasn't incapable of keeping secrets & we want to keep it from SS until after scan.

Oh & you've also made me feel less antisocial about the Jan thread - there are so many people on there that I couldn't keep up at all. Feeling guilty today as I committed a couple of food sins yesterday. There was a 7 course tasting menu at the hotel & I switched the goats cheese course off the veggie option but they substituted a white chocolate mousse instead. Probably raw egg right? Well I ate it anyway blush. And the runny quail's egg. And the teeny tiny bits of well cooked octopus that were on DP's fish course. And had 1 sip (literally enough to hit a tastebud & not even a teaspoon) of each of DP's 4 matching wines. I am going to pregnant lady food hell right? blush blush Pls forgive me. It was just all too much after I sat through the world's most boring test match cricket on Thurs with nothing but Becks Blue to drink sad whilst DP got smashed.

Frogcatcher Sat 18-May-13 17:10:32

Oh & interesting article in The Times magazine today about how a pregnancy bump has become public property & the pressure on women to have the perfect bump - goes along with what some of you have been saying on here. Don't think you can read it online without a subscription but if you're passing a shop or already have subscribed:

Not all bumps are like Kate's!

janey1234 Sat 18-May-13 17:14:55

Frog - for what it's worth, I would have done exactly the same. No to goats cheese, yes to mousse and runny eggs, few sips of wine. I think you've shown excellent restraint!

I too briefly joined a July group but waaaay too many people to keep up with - much prefer our little group where you know who's who!

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 17:20:05

Frog I don't actually know if my DH was an arse in the early weeks as I was busy being too much of an arse to notice. I was the one who was scared and worried. I think it's easy to forget how all this PG malarkey affects the dads-to-be as well as the mums and the early weeks are not an easy time for them either. I'm sure he'll come round once he sees little Frogbaby on the screen.

And don't worry too about food naughties. There is hardly anything I have avoided food-wise as the chances of something actually making you ill are miniscule. I have just used common sense. And whatever you do don't ask Dr Google what you can and can't eat as it will tell you a reason why you should avoid absolutely everything. I also quite enjoy a sip of DH's beer or wine when he's having one although it makes me want the whole bottle. You deserve a medal for sitting through a whole day of Cricket sober!

Quodlibet Sat 18-May-13 17:49:05

Frog I never even tried with the Dec thread, firstly because there were so many people and second because (selfishly) I knew that there'd be a few (statistically) who would not make it past early weeks and I'd find it hard.

My DP was also very cautious and uninvolved at first. He didn't feel excited at all, only worried and put-upon, and we had a few unhappy moments about it all. He had a massive moment of relief at our early scan and I realised how much he's been protecting himself by not getting involved at all.

janey1234 Sat 18-May-13 18:29:05

Random question...

Has anyone bought a steriliser?
And what are you all doing about breast pumps, bottles etc?

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 19:59:13

I haven't bought anything like that Janey. I have been advised that the early days of BF are tough and if you have all the FF gear in the house you are more likely to give up.

If I can't manage to BF for whatever reason I will just send DH out at 4am pop to the shops and get some FF kit. In today's 24 hour society it shouldn't be too much of a problem to get it at short notice and i've done some research on which stuff to get.

When BF is (hopefully) established I hope to start expressing after a few weeks but I will dispatch DH to get the relevant gear at the time.

janey1234 Sat 18-May-13 20:03:19

I was thinking the same re bottles, pumps etc. But am sure someone told me I would prob need a steriliser from day one, but I can't remember why blush

Cavort Sat 18-May-13 20:18:21

If you do need one I can't think why either? Maybe if you need nipple shields, but you will surely try without first anyway?

I have requested on my birth notes that I want to see the BF consultant before leaving hospital so I will ask her and get one on the way home if I need to.

Alexandra6 Sun 19-May-13 07:37:00

I saw a friend yesterday with a new baby and she had the cutest little cosleeper she'd got much cheaper from Germany. She'd then bought this sleepy thing to go in it from john Lewis, kind of like a baby shaped cushion and she said it was around £75 and had 5 out of 5 on every review. If anyone is interested, I'll find out the brand and how her first night with it went. It looked good, the baby looked so comfy in it.

Her little girl who's 4 was so lovely when she found out about my pregnancy, gave my tummy a "kiss for the baby" aww. Was good to take some time off worrying about my cervix and the baby growing, I cancelled my Friday night out as I am terrified to move at the moment in case it starts opening and it's literally making me so anxious, I randomly cry about 50 times a day! Poor DH! He had tears in his eyes last night too when I was talking about it, I knew he was just pretending he wasn't scared for my sake!

Alexandra6 Sun 19-May-13 07:38:50
janey1234 Sun 19-May-13 09:03:16

Oh poor Alex sadsad

It must be massively worrying, of course you are anxious. I think though that you need to take the positives from your appt with your second specialist - who bothered to scan your cervix. He said your cervix was within normal range and that you didn't need to do anything, but agreed to keep a very close eye on you with fortnightly monitoring. So for now, all is absolutely fine, and you are in the same position cervix wise as anyone else. I know how awful the worry can be, especially given conflicting advice from two different consultants, but remember that the guy advising the stitch didn't scan your cervix (so didn't have as much to base his decision on) and didn't come so highly recommended as the other guy. If you can try to make yourself relax just a bit, and take each fortnightly scan one by one, I'm sue it will all feel so much more bearable. Plus the stress can't be any good for either of you (you or baby that is). sad

For now, your cervix is closed and normal, and you haven't been advised bed rest or anything. You are pregnant, and all is good right now, same as for the rest of us. Know it's easier to say that than to believe that though!

Big hugs xx

Alexandra6 Sun 19-May-13 09:38:17

Thanks janey he said it was borderline but impossible to tell accurately at this stage, but I've since googled and it seems that you lose cervix as the pregnancy develops so starting with 3cm this early means I can't afford to lose much, I think another half a cm before it's danger territory. He did say the scans aren't accurate for measurements and it's hard to tell how the scar tissue will react. He said if I'd lost a baby late before, he'd put a stitch in now at this length but it's so hard that it's such a factor as of course no one wants that to have to happen before they say "yep, definitely incompetent". I'm telling myself I'm being monitored and the second consultant is better than the first who just felt it and said short, but it's really hard to relax having been advised to have the stitch by the first guy. It's so confusing as most people/studies online say 3cm is too short as this stage but then some say it's ok, how the hell do I know which is accurate?! I know I should choose to believe the more positive studies but it's hard, I keep telling myself at least they are looking, feels like a lot of trust to put into the second opinion guy!

Sorry will bore off about my cervix now! grin

MotherOfCleo Sun 19-May-13 18:00:44

Hi Alex, what a tricky situation to be in! I tend to agree with Janey, you are ok at the moment and you're being monitored so you are in safe hands.

We went into mothercare today for a look at bedroom furniture and prams. I cant remember who said they have the mothercare orb but I have to say it looked lovely! Personally I was rather taken with the Mothercare Movix, it was lovely to push, had a nice big basket and seemed to tick all the boxes, it doesnt come with a car seat but is compatible with 3 makes so we can find one which fits in our new car when we get it. I didnt try folding it etc but its my current fav.

Really liked their nursery furniture too, have a feeling they could be doing rather well out of us blush

janey1234 Sun 19-May-13 18:19:11

Ha mother I was like that with mamas and papas. May as well have walked in and said "yes, I'll have one of everything please". And worryingly i suspect the only reason it's mamas and papas we got everything from, rather than mothercare, was because it's nearer the car park blush.

MotherOfCleo Sun 19-May-13 18:45:16

haha janey its odd isnt it, I just felt comfortable, nobody pounced on us but there were people around if we needed them, put me at ease. Think we have found the pram at least. smile

Cavort Sun 19-May-13 21:44:40

Alex you aren't boring us about your cervix. We all realise what a big thing this is for you.

Mother I have no idea where you find the list, but both Mothercare and M&P have outlet stores dotted around the country which are worth a visit before you pay full price if there's one near you. There is a M&P Outlet near me which has saved me quite a bit on their normal store prices.

I think I can add gardening to my list of activities which really aggravate SPD. sad After spending all afternoon in the garden I have now completely seized up and in lots of pain. Work is going to be fun tomorrow. hmm

Are all of you third trimester ladies sorted for a name yet? We have avoided the subject for a while after we couldn't agree, but I raised it again while we were in Cornwall and DH said he is 'coming round to the idea' of calling her Elodie, which I would also like. We're not definite yet but i've got my fingers crossed that we might finally have a name. grin

I think that's a lovely name Cavort. We haven't discussed names in ages, OH constantly refers to bump as one of the names we liked so I think as far as he's concerned he's decided but I'm not committing to anything until I've met her. Get the impression nobody likes it either which is surprising as its a very popular ordinary name. Have tried to avoid telling most people but the few who have squeezed it out of me have then not really said anything and my Mum was downright rude sad

Cavort Sun 19-May-13 22:03:48

Purple that's going to be a challenge if your DH has already mentally named her and when you see her and don't think it's right for her.

I have to admit I am guilty of unintentionally mentally thinking of her as Elodie for a while now, although I have never actually referred to her as that and if DH really couldn't get his head around it we would have to come up with something else. The only other one we both like is Amber but we both also agree that we don't think it's the right name for her, which is a bit strange given that we both like it. confused I spent hours on Nameberry but struggled to find more than a couple that I liked.

I'm happy enough with that name really, it was my idea! I think it's just everyone's reaction to it that I'm finding difficult. The bigger issue in our household is agreeing on the surname. We both just keep avoiding that argument grin

HazleNutt Sun 19-May-13 23:22:58

Elodie is one of my favourites and would be in top 3 for us if I was having a girl.

Ours will be Victor, we're both happy with the name.

Cavort Sun 19-May-13 23:31:28

Purple that's why we haven't told anyone because I didn't want anyone's reaction to cloud our judgement while we are still deciding. You MN ladies are the only ones who know smile

Once we are definite I might start telling people just because I am sick of getting asked!

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 07:29:53

Lovely names all of them. I like Amber (it's also my cousins middle name) but not sure DP would go for that as he's more traditional. Purple are you arguing about surname as you're not married & you want baby to have yours too? This suddenly occurred to me the other day that bubs would have DPs surname but nothing to show it was half mine or to distinguish from my SS really. We will get married eventually as nothing against in principle but I'd like to still use both names.

Oh & DP managed to 'accidentally' tell his second best mate when drunk at cricket even tho we're "not telling anyone till the scan"! TBH I reckon him & his wife might have been speculating when I was driving at a party we went to (it occurred to me after that I hadn't moaned enough about it) so sober cricket just confirmed it for him. I'm def telling my best mate with the newborn when I see her at the weekend now - I can't see how I can feasibly get out of drinking otherwise if I stay over with her anyway.

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 08:24:20

Frog I double-barreled when we got married and baby will have both surnames as well. Might be an option for you too?

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 08:38:43

Oh I love Elodie - it's on our list! That doesn't mean much, so far we have about 15 girls and 15 boys names on the list, and I've only really got up to F in the baby name book! Haven't looked at it for months - really ought to start putting some thought into this one.... blush

Quodlibet Mon 20-May-13 08:40:58

We aren't married but I think we are going with baby Hisname Myname. It's really important to me to retain my family name. Cavort, Elodie is lovely.

I only got one day off this weekend and spent it crushed with tiredness! Feeling like I just can't catch up enough with rest at the moment - waking in the night to wee (which I never normally do) isn't helping either. Luckily this week I will be working a little more at my own pace/from home a couple of days, I need to try to gather some strength before next weekend's wedding otherwise I'm going to have to spend the whole day lying down!

MotherOfCleo Mon 20-May-13 09:18:48

Elodie is lovely! So is Victor! grin we are pretty much decided on Harvey Sebastian or Savannah Brooke, my mum doesnt like Savannah/Savanna but we've tried it on a few other friends and its had a good response so I think those are 'the' names. Baby is having my OHs name, I hate both our surnames so poor bubs has nothing good to inherit there.

Thanks for the heads up re the outlet store, I'll investigate!! Always keen to save a few pounds! I read a good article yesterday saying it is worth making and freezing some meals prior to baby arriving as you're unlikely to want to/have time to cook in the early days, thought that was a fab idea!

I sent my small list of essential items to a friend with a kiddy asking if all these items were must haves and if I needed anything else, she sent me back a list three times the size of my original....eeeek.

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 09:55:55

I can see I had better start saving even more frantically! The plus side of DP telling his mate was that they immediately offered a car seat apparently that they still had & DP said that we would not be too proud to accept anything offered!

So the drama of the day is, midwife is pretty certain...baby is breech. I KNEW I shouldn't have joked about it! Some days I wonder what else can go wrong, refusing to worry about it at this stage though.

Yes surnames issue is down to not being married, our names sound silly double barrelled, we are planning in getting married but I would still like to keep my name as I prefer it and I already changed it by deed poll when I was 18 so don't really want to change it again. OH understandably would prefer us to all have the same name but I really would rather keep my own. Not sure what the answer is on that one!

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 11:25:19

can OH take your name then?

Alexandra6 Mon 20-May-13 11:47:13

We sorted our boy's name last night funnily enough! We're married and like my new surname so no issues there BUT DH likes the idea of using a family first name as a middle name. Which is lovely apart from the fact I'm really not keen on his dad's (awful!!) or uncle's names or any others he suggested! Then I thought of using my dad's name as a middle name which brings some of my history into it too, and we both agreed that's a nice name and goes well with our fave first name. This is all for a boy as funnily enough we're both sure it's a boy - will be so funny if it's a girl! We're doing girl's names next weekend - I could spend HOURS talking names but I'm sure DH starts thinking about football after an hour or so.

Good attitude about the breech purple I hope it gets into position for you! There are things you can do to try and move it aren't there, not sure if they work or are myths, but maybe worth a shot?

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 11:48:41

Hmmm my DP is dead against double barrelling when we've had hypothetical discussions about it but I actually have a very plain & boring surname so it wouldn't sound ridiculous. In fact it's so boring that I'm really not that bothered about keeping it if we were married but somehow when we're not I don't want the froglet to have a totally different name to me. I know that's quite common nowadays but it just doesn't feel right. For example, it would mean that his ex (who still goes by Mr Frog's name) would have the same name as our child but I wouldn't.

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 11:52:58

Oh purple poor you. Nothing seems to be straightforward! So you must be 34 weeks tomorrow? I think I've read that up to 34 weeks they tend to turn by themselves - so I'd imagine you're in the territory of hoping it changes pretty soon! I think I've also read that doing bottom in the air positions several times a day might be able to help, although with anything like this it seems, not sure if it is proven.
If things don't change, I guess they might refer you for ECV. Have you read about it? Personally, it's something I think I might refuse, but might be worth reading up on it just in case it's something you have to decide on. But will keep everything crossed in the meantime for you!

Am impressed with your organisation alex. Crap, we really do need to get our arses into gear over this one!

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 11:55:45

PS sorry to hear that purple. Still a bit of time for it to move yet though right?

I've reached my 6 week point today & no sign of the dreaded MS yet & in fact feeling pretty chipper and trying not to worry about lack of symptoms. I did start with the sore boobs at the weekend though & even DP thinks that they have got slightly bigger. Got a scan booked for two weeks time when I'll be 8+4 & it's seeming a lifetime away.

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 12:00:19

Don't worry frog - I had absolutely no sickness in my first 12 weeks whatsoever. I was worried about my lack of symptoms in the first trimester (didn't really have any) but at 33 weeks all is still well! Count yourself as one of the lucky ones smile

Alexandra6 Mon 20-May-13 12:04:20

There's someone in my other antenatal group on here who just had her baby (3 pushes!!!) and she was breech at about your stage purple but then the baby did turn on it's own, there's hope!

Janey plenty of time (again, hopefully!) for you with names - I just love thinking about it (secretly had lists when ttc!) I THINK we'll keep it a secret, mainly as a surprise for people, but also as am now a bit worried about negative reactions putting me off, like a couple of you have had!

One thing I think is good to bear in mind is how the name will be shortened, as in most cases they are, so you've really got to like the short version (unless it's really short already) - does make it harder! One girl's name I like for example, I don't like one of the shortened versions.

Alexandra6 Mon 20-May-13 12:06:02

Oh and yes frog so many people have said they didn't have many symptoms when I was freaking out about mine!

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 12:22:52

frog don't worry about the MS, I didn't have any either.

As for names, one of the reasons I double barreled is that DHs last name is extremely common in this region - I can understand that you're not that attached if every second family shares it. My last name on the other hand is very uncommon, so I want to keep it.

MotherOfCleo Mon 20-May-13 12:35:58

frog fret not, I didnt have MS either, had a bad bout of indegestion which made me sick but apart from that I've been very lucky!

Yes, 34 weeks tomorrow so baby is getting a wee bit big for flipping over but I'm keeping the faith. So between eating curry/pineapple/raspberry leaf tea etc to encourage baby to come out early, I'm also now going to have to stand on my head or lord only knows what to try to get her to roll over as well, could be an entertaining few weeks!

Janey - is ECV the thing where they try to manually turn the baby? I've not really read up on any of the breech stuff yet as this is pretty new news. I'm not totally surprised though as I've had a very wonky bump for the last few days with a big bulge sticking out my left side (looks really odd!) and we've been poking and prodding it in the hope it felt like a bum not a head even though it's really hard but nope, head it is! So my bump is measuring quite big, but that's because I have a big fat head sticking out from under my ribs which is probably knocking all the measurements out. Midwife also confirmed there is no way the MLU would even consider having me (visions of me banging on the door in labour saying 'let me iiiinnnn' and them saying no!) so hospital it is. She's going to do her best to get me a bit of time off the monitors as a negotiation for being a good girl and going into the hospital and if the birthing pool is fixed by then she said she'll try to arrange so I can spend some time in it but will keep having to get out again regularly for monitoring but she reckons that's the best she can do. I'm coming to terms with that (what I mean is I'm over my tantrum) so fingers crossed now that the baby shifts round so I don't have to have a section - induction and monitoring doesn't seem so bad compared so every cloud!

I did suggest to OH that we could all have the same name if he changed to mine, he looked horrified and refused, which rather backed me up I felt because that's a bit how I feel about changing mine. Plus, my name sounds nicer, so ner.

Sorry about the epic post just had an eventful morning.

p.s Absolutely loving 'Froglet' made me chuckle.

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 12:42:57

Thanks Janey, Alex, Hazle - it's just worrying when drs console people with dreadful ms by telling them that's its a good sign so you can't help but wonder if the reverse is true! Yesterday evening I did get the weirdest lower abdo pain though - can only describe it as like internal pins & needles very localised on one side!

Hazle mine's not just regional - I have the most common surname in the UK!

Frog - I'm pretty sure they say that just to make the poor people who are puking their guts up feel better grin I didn't have proper MS either, I was pretty queasy for quite a few weeks but no actual upchucking thankfully. I also got all manner of twinges, cramps and stabby pains, I think it's fairly normal as everything is stretching and changing in the early stages. You still can't help but worry at every weird twinge though can you!

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 12:51:44

Frog I had nausea from about 6 weeks then sickness from about 8, so these poor sods people who start retching when sperm winks at egg aren't all that common...

Ah the name game grin We're also unmarried. We've settled on Baby Hisname, because we'll all have the same name at some point, and tbh I never thought of it any other way - even if something terrible happens, DP will still be the dad. My parents have kicked off about this, big time.

I really wanted to have Mysurname as an extra middle name, but DP has vetoed this because he thinks it will end up double-barrelled and confusing. There is baggage here as his DS started out life as Hisname (possibly Hername-Hisname double barrelled), but XP changed it formally to her name only at one point, out of spite.

As a compromise, he's agreed to let one of my family names be Baby's middle name.

Re first name... We have an either/or name that I love for a girl (and would work for a boy) that we're loosely agreed on but he likes a different boys name better. Thing is, I don't like it - I thought it was fun for a moment or two, but really couldn't live with myself if we had a boy and called it that. DP ocassionally refers to bump by that name... eek.

We had fun in Mothercare yesterday, bought a bumper pack of bodysuits (I still don't know what the difference is between vests, bodysuits, babygros, sleepsuits etc) and a cute 8-piece set. Thing is we had a panic about sizing - 'newborn' said 10lb!! I checked at the till in the end that it did mean 'up to 10lb' and not from 10lb. <eye watering>

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 12:56:51

Frog there's time yet for MS to kick in, mine started at about 6.5 weeks. If you are unfortunate enough to get it you will be cursing the day you wondered why you hadn't got any symptoms!

Boo for the breech baby Purple. The Spinningbabies site does seem to have some good turning techniques though so probably worth a look.

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 12:58:04

The constant backache is most annoying actually. Hotel we were in on Friday night had one of those spa baths in our bathroom which was just bliss given no longer allowed in jacuzzi at gym. I used it Fri evening & Sat morning but made sure water wasn't too hot (which I think is the reason jacuzzis are banned right?). If just jets & bubbles are bad for the froglet too then I give up reading any more pg dos & don'ts! Froglet will just have to be tough!! grin

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 12:59:45

Purple don't panic about breech at the moment... check out www.spinningbabies.com and have a go at some inversions if possible.

But they can still move - I've been panicking as mine is still preferring transverse, flips sideways every night without fail, though is currently sat with either a head or bum just below my ribs.

Was researching this last week and they said MWs etc really start to worry at around 36 weeks (when there's less room for maneouvre).

Re ECV - I think I would refuse one, unless they were automatically going to go straight to c-section straight after. I have an anterior placenta therefore am higher risk for bad things arising from an ECV attmept...

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 13:01:43

Lol Frog there are so many dos and don'ts! I've found somehting fun... whenever I have a warm (not too hot) bath, Baby Bear goes really quiet, then eventually wakes up. We think that the heat maye sends it to sleep. A very useful tactic to know in advance wink

Bear - same here, DSS had a 'family' middle name and OH's surname but his Mum removed middle name and changed surname to hers when they split up (when DSS was still really young) also out of spite and I think OH is still really hurt about it. Which makes me feel a bit guilty, which is the one thing that's stopping me putting my foot down and just saying that me and the baby will have my surname. It's a really difficult decision because he's not being really difficult about it but I know deep down he'll be quite hurt if we don't all take his name but I'm torn because I really want mine sad don't know what to do, argh!

So is anyone else going to spill the beans about their names or are you all keeping them secret? We won't judge around here!

OH who is far more organised than me We ordered a few different bits online yesterday including a very cute bouncer thing. Still haven't organised anywhere for the monster to sleep but she's going to have a very cool vibrating chair. Priorities and all that grin

Yes it is the heat they're against with jacuzzis, apparently it can make you faint.

I've found that when Little Cat curls up against my tummy and purrs, mini monster falls asleep, very cute but probably against guidelines to chuck the kitten in the moses basket with the baby to help it sleep I'm guessing wink

Right, must do some work, you lot are far too distracting!

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 13:10:37

Arrrgh. Don't know why I'm worrying about ms & twinges when there are much worse things ahead. [where's the emoticon for wtf have I done & I can't even reach for a wine?]

I did get a cuddle with DP's 7 month old great niece on Sunday though. Poor kid always has a dummy in her mouth though. DP & I may not be agreed on surname but we do on no dummies!

Ah yes, the wtf have I done? stage of pregnancy, I find this is a recurring symptom, though it was more common in the early stages I do still get fairly frequent relapses.

I go through phases of 'baby, yep, I can do that' then 'Ha ha ha, baby, yeah, like they're going to let ME be responsible for another person, this is a WEIRD dream' to 'baby? oh holy hell, was this really my idea? What WAS I thinking?'

I'm hoping this is normal wink

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 16:45:52

I hope so too Purple! I had one of these yesterday. Mainly centred around the 'holy maternity pads batman, I've got to get this baby out' theme. DP is now getting used to these and is becoming increasingly brilliant.

It ended up with me saying 'but what if I poo, you'll be so embarrassed, I'll have let you down'... to which he replied 'I won't be down the messy end so probably won't see anyway... but if you do poo you won't care by that point, besides which it'll be hilarious!' - I didn't agree with this but he made me laugh and he said 'see, if you can laugh about it now, it's going to be fine'.

He got lots of points for that grin

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 16:59:52

Ah brave your DP sounds fabulous! Mine is pretty bloody good, including ignoring my current anger over absolutely nothing, but I have to say he says "yeeeesh" a LOT when we talk about childbirth (whether natural or elcs). He's a bit squeamish but I think he knows when it's ok to be a bit grossed out, and when he doesn't.

So just packed hospital bag (home early after weekly midwife check). I say bag, but it's actually one for me and one for baby blush. I thought it would be ok, but maternity bags take up a LOT of space, as do towels, and my hospital say to bring in the latter for you and baby... Starting to feel even more real now currently got head firmly in sand over imminent-baby related panic

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 17:00:38

grin Re hold maternity pads robin comment!

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 17:01:08

Holy even. Grrrrr.

Ha ha, that's sweet Bear. My OH KEEPS telling me he doesn't want to go anywhere near the messy end and he doesn't want to cut the cord or anything. When I say 'keeps' telling me, he's reiterated it about 6 times in the last couple of weeks. Uhh yeah, think I got that part by now. I get the distinct impression that my big tough man's man is a bit squeamish about the whole thing!

The thing that has been making me chortle to myself all day is due to our rather disastrous attempt to DTD last night. Not in itself funny and as you know, my sex life since I've been pregnant has been pretty non existant because OH is freaked out by it all but our first attempt in a while failed because because he completely put himself off because 'it's too weird thinking about hitting your daughter in the head with it'.

So my warped sense of humour has been wondering if I point out to him that we now know his daughter's head is wedged under my bloody ribcage and that even in his wildest dreams he's not THAT well endowed if I can actually get some grin sorry, I've got a wonky sense of humour and it has been a while wink

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 17:13:41

Ah purple that really made me laugh! DP is now at the stage of being a little freaked out by it too, so I think I'm in for a few boring weeks hmm

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:16:40

Janey How did you get on with the MW?

I have a big sports holdall for the labour and birth and then a medium suitcase packed for if I have to stay in hospital for a while. And I thought I was being really good for just packing essentials. blush shock

When I attended my Nephew's birth, even if you plan to avoid spending any time down the goal end I found it was impossible to avoid it completely, so I think we are all being very wise to prepare our men folk for the inevitable blood/gore/poo which they are very likely to witness. I was talking to a friend the other day and I think she summed it up perfectly in that, for a man, attending a natural birth is on a level with watching his favourite pub burn down. grin

That and the fact that when I went to provide a sample for the midwife I realised I could no longer see under my bump to know where to put the pot so had to use guess work to aim and got wet fingers in the process blush it's not very glam this pregnancy lark is it but at least it's providing a few chuckles!

OH has two weeks to get over his phobia then he will be required to perform as part of the early eviction campaign. Failure to do so will not be met with the quiet sympathy and cuddles he's had thus far.

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 17:21:49

grin Purple so near yet so far! It's worth a shot, right?

Very impressed and a bit scared by your hospital bag packing Janey. This is actually going to happen isn't it!

And DP is definitely coming into the home straight strong despite some rocky very shouty moments early on. Like your DP Purple he's very squeamish and has said he doesn't want to cut the cord - I'd like it if he changed his mind, but respect him if not. I'd really like it if he was the one to tell me it's a boy or girl tho...

Re nearly DTD... we had our PG friends round Saturday night for Eurovision and at one point, she revealed that she'd asked her fella that morning if he was still attracted to her 35-week pregnant body. To which he said no! But he then piped up, 'yeah but we have had sex twice today so it's obviously not too much of a problem is it?'.

Me and DP just looked at each other slightly aghast, as I was seething insde with jealousy!!

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:21:55

Purple I'm surprised your OH isn't going for the same tactic as mine in 'helpfully suggesting' that he's heard that ingesting semen is more likely to start labour off than firing it at the cervix. Nice try, sunshine.

Alexandra6 Mon 20-May-13 17:23:44

Nooo Cavort please don't say there's no way of avoiding the business end, I think I feel even worse than DH about him seeing my blood/core...poo! blush Maybe I will let him go down the pub instead like he keeps joking about!! Friends have told me I won't care at the time, but it would take a LOT of pain to make me not care about that, eek!

BraveLilBear Mon 20-May-13 17:24:56

Lol at wet fingers Purple! That's not what I was referencing re 'give it a shot, btw' wink

Oh gawd, you're all organised, you've packed! I haven't even probably bought half the stuff I need yet! So come on then ladies, tell me what I actually need so I can at least make a list.

All the lists I've seen printed in things like the bounty magazine things seem ridiculous so I rolled my eyes and put them in the recycling months ago. I realise now that may have been slightly foolish but I need a 'cooling mist spray' for my face as an essential? really? I sincerely doubt it. Can I have the down to earth really real list please?

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:27:53

Alex apologies for the TMI but i'm sure it will make you feel a bit better when I say that the poo was not solid and was only in small quantities, which the MW cleaned up immediately without drawing any attention to it. The only reason I knew it had happened was because she (the MW) was asking me to pass her things. Not ideal, I know, but it could be worse.

My OH asked me the other day, in all seriousness if I wanted my Mum at the hospital with me as well when I'm giving birth. As if that wasn't bad enough when I said are you fucking crazy I'd rather poke myself in the eye repeatedly with a sharp stick no, he suggested that maybe I'd like HIS Mum there instead? shock shock shock

Do you think he thinks he's actuallly going to faint and wants someone else there with me or is he actually mental?

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:37:59

Purple I had to get mine sorted ready to take away with us last week just in case baby decided to make an appearance while we were away.

My list is;

dressing gown
flip flops/slippers
big pants
maternity pads
breast pads
clothes for going home
hairbrush/make-up/wash bag/toiletries
lansinoh cream
lip balm
phone charger
camera & charger
cordial & drinking straw
sports water bottle
maternity notes
entertainment - books, mags, laptop with films on
change for parking
notebook & pen
moist toilet tissue
nursing bras x 2
battery fan
jug for pouring when weeing
lansinoh latch assist
cold compress
misting spray

For Baby:

cotton wool
small water bowl
sleep suits
scratch mits
nappy sacks
fold up changing mat
vaseline for meconium
baby wipes

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:41:02

I just don't think most men are particularly cut out for supporting women in labour because there's nothing they can really do to help. They regress back to being cavemen and would rather be out hunting a wild boar while it's all going on.

Thanks Cavort, I've ahem, got just a few bits at least half of it still to get looking at your list but it's very helpful!

I can appreciate that sitting watching someone you love howling in pain when you can't help must be really difficult, but not as difficult as being the one screaming, so frankly, they all need to man up!

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 17:50:41

I'm sure there are things on my list which are not essentials but i'm hoping most of it will be pretty useful at some point in the whole process.

Yes I agree, after 40-odd weeks of pregnancy for the benefit of the continuation of his genetic line, the least he can do is get his ass out of his cave and bloody well mop my brow while i'm shitting pushing!

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 18:00:01

According to my MIL my DP wasn't even expecting SS to appear from that orifice so at least he is slightly more prepared this time. He hotly denies this.
Glad he's not the only one with DTD issues - he described how it would be like assaulting his child when I asked if he'd still DTD when I was huge. Given he's not managing it now when it's just a tadpole I'm not holding out much hope. Perhaps he's worried about dislodging it at the moment & will be better after the 8 wk scan.

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 18:32:59

grin At assaulting his kid!! Men are weird.

DP has flat refused to but the cord regardless of how I give birth. I think he might pass out, or worse, be sick if I made him.

Alex at my NCT class the teacher said the poo was inevitable, but you wouldn't notice. She said it was a result of not only the pushing but the baby squeezing it out on his/her way out. She said the midwives are very discrete and whip it away before you can tell. Isn't that why you have to take your own little fishing net do water births - to whip poo out of the water?!

Midwife fine thanks cavort, but am more set on elcs now. Looking like I wouldn't be allowed to get near due date due to BP and will be classed as high risk too, hence no water birth (which would be my natural birth option of choice, and which I've been thinking about more and more). Selfishly I'd like them to recommend and elcs so the decision is out of my hands, but the way things are going, it seems like everyone agrees it would be a good choice for me...

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 18:33:46

Oh and frog - I'm not called your man specifically weird, mine is def included in that group too! wink

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 18:42:05

um, frog, from where exactly was SS supposed to be appearing from according to your DP? shock

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 18:54:39

Janey what date are they likely to recommend for you? Are you the frontrunner to produce the first Elderberry baby? smile

Assaulting his child? Hilarious! grin Ahhh men, they are strange creatures at times aren't they? Mine certainly is. grin

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 19:05:13

As things stand 38-39 weeks apparently, although could change according to BP. Don't think I'll win the race, but might just get a podium place wink

janey1234 Mon 20-May-13 19:12:26

But I would need you and hazle to be very overdue for that to happen - and hope for your sake that you don't!

Cavort Mon 20-May-13 19:37:52

With my luck I fully expect to go 2 weeks overdue Janey, which takes me to the 10th July, so babyJaney will probably put in an appearance before mine.

I know we've all said that we probably won't be letting anyone in RL know when we go into labour, but is anyone going to spill the beans on here to us cyber people? After chewing the fat ever since my BFP it seems right to update you while in labour, although i'm not sure I want regular rundowns from others of how much agony it is! grin

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 19:51:58

Sure, I would let you all know when it happens and what agony it is.

I'll definitely try to let everyone on here know minus the graphic details, especially if I end up being in there for days I'm going to need the company! After going through everything together it would seem odd to not at least give you a quick update.

By my reckoning Hazle should be first which is only right as she's due first, then me Cavort and Janey could all be in a race for second place assuming Cavort is maybe a few days/ a week late, I'm on time as unless my bloods change they'll induce at 40 wks and Janey is a week early induced at 39 wks it could be a close run thing!

HazleNutt Mon 20-May-13 21:22:26

we're due just days apart and in reality, the babies could come weeks early or late, so I can't promise to be the first. Will try though. grin

Frogcatcher Mon 20-May-13 22:01:46

Haha I think he might have thought that they opened up the belly button shock! I can't think what else!

When you lot are busy sharing labour pains on here me & those trailing way behind will just stick our fingers in our ears & go lalalalalalalala. I refuse to watch OBEM for that very reason!

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 08:18:31

Anyone ahead of me, feel free to lie about the birth being a walk in the park! wink Still can't believe that birth story in my other group - 5 mins and THREE pushes and she was done!! So lucky.

Has anyone heard about the new SIDS study, they're now saying sharing a bed is bad. I was going to buy a cosleeper cot so trying to work out if that counts (as technically they're in their own bed, it's just attached to yours) confused

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 08:39:23

alex yes, I read it and as far as I understood, this only applies for actual bed-sharing - sleeping in the same room is still the safest and co-sleeper means that the baby is sleeping in its own bed.

frog, I watch OBEM sometimes - giving birth certainly looks ´..somewhat uncomfortable, but not really that bad. Certainly not as bad as some stories we all have heard (or read here). In fact, it looks quite manageable.

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 08:47:31

Agreed hazle - have read around this morning, and think it's the risk of overheating or suffocation from sleeping in the same bed that's the worry. If they're in their own bed at the side of yours, with their own covers (and it's impossible for you to roll on top of them) it looks like the risks are the same as if they were in a moses basket next to you.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 08:58:57

Hazle I really hope you give birth first as I can just imagine you reporting back half an hour later, "Pah, it was a doddle. In fact I was teaching body combat until I was 8cm." grin It will be motivational for me as I am a wimp the rest of us.

Personally, I can't see how a co-sleeper is any different to a moses basket or crib. It's still not like the baby is actually in your bed.

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 09:08:47

cavort that really, really made me laugh - I bet hazle is teaching body combat between contractions! Can just see her putting all the midwives through their paces on the ward wink

Can I just say - I'm not loving braxton hicks at the moment. Seem to be getting them all the time, and whilst they're painless on the whole they are a bit uncomfortable. Although having said that it happened the other day whilst I was being hauled up from standing up from the sofa, and it was a teensy bit painful... So much so that I couldn't stand straight for a minute or two and had to say oowweeeeeee. Wasn't bad at all, but certainly wasn't painless, as I'd been told they would be.

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 09:15:24

Perfect as really liked this cosleeper a friend has been using so wanted to order that! Baby would have it's own mattress, cover etc (do you put a cover over a newborn?! So much to learn!) and I want to get one of those sleepyheads cushions so it would def be very separate to my bed even though it's attached.

I'm having fun winding up DH that I really like an awful name instead of the boy's name we've chosen and can we call our baby it - "as I have to give birth, I should get to pick the name" hehe grin

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 09:17:25

Ps ouch janey!

Frogcatcher Tue 21-May-13 09:43:11

Morning all. I want Hazle's boot camp tactics at my birth I reckon to make me pop it out quicker & efficiently!

Rather randomly DP brought up the surname thing last night - he's adamant it has to have his name & doesn't see why it should include mine as well. Issue was parked for a later argument date.

Decided I'd had enough of the DTD drought by this morning & sent him text saying I needed to DTD & didn't he. Reply: don't want to harm baby! Me: baby is 0.5mm long. Reply: my knob is bigger than that!
I really hope he is joking & his grasp of female biology is not that poor! Perhaps I'd better find some pics off Google?!!

Oooh I've just been the the osteopath and it was actually quite nice.This pregnancy is working wonders on me, I'm so over my fear of needles already (good job as i'm a once a fortnight pin cushion) now it looks like I'm dealing with my dislike of strangers touching me.

I realise that makes me sound odd but I just hate being touched by people that I'm not close to, particularly if its accompanied by semi nakedness, I think I have an almost phobic reaction to the thought of a spa day type scenario and if you're one of those people who randomly touches people's shoulders/arms when you talk to them I'm the one no longer listening to what you're saying as I'm mentally screaming 'argh! Stop touching me!'

No idea if it has done my back any good but it was very soothing and he didn't make me take any clothes off and i didnt mentally whimper 'nooo bad touching' to myself so I'm happy though £40 poorer shock

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 09:52:17

grin ok I'll see what I can do about bodycombat - moving around when in labour is recommended after all.

Alex I think the SIDS advice is not to put anything in the cot, no pillows or covers or quilts or blankets. So gro-bag I guess? Someone also said it's better for feeding, as the baby stays in the warm bag and is not woken up by cold sheets when you put him or her back into the cot.

I got this co-sleeper: www.amazon.de/FabiMax-Beistellbett-Babymax-Matratze-PROTECT/dp/B009WQFPJ4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369126252&sr=8-1&keywords=fabimax

In my area they advise cellular blankets not gro-bags for newborns as they are better for preventing overheating.

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 10:02:17

Oh I love massages purple! You wouldn't like my boss, she has a habit of touching me on the shoulder or arm when talking to me and it is irritating!

Thanks hazle will look into a grow bag. Think the sleepyheads cushion is ok as the baby sleeps on it, a bit like a mattress.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 10:02:50

Frog his adamance in insisting on only his name would make me boil more determined to get what I want. We live in an equal society so why should one parent's name take priority over the other's just because of tradition? Stand your ground and good luck!

Janey I seem to get more BH when I'm walking long distances. Well, I say long distances but half an hour out with the dog is a long distance these days. blush I had a terrible bout last week in Cornwall after DH made me walk about 5 miles over rough terrain and then up this massive cliff face to the pub because, 'it didn't look too strenuous on Google Maps.' angry I woke up that night and they were quite painful to the extent that DH was getting worried that a baby was on the way which would serve him right for taking us on a totally inappropriate trek to the pub!

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 10:04:49

Cross post will look into cellular blankets, never heard of those (again, so much to learn!) I'd really better start writing some of this down!

I still don't think I've noticed any BH, what do they feel like? And if they're supposed I be sort if 'practice' contractions then why isn't my body rehearsing hmm? It needs to get on with it!

That's exactly the sort of person I mean Alex - irritating to you maybe but actually makes me shudder and feel a bit clammy though if my boss did it I would be ok as I've known her years. Maybe it's another symptom of my only child syndrome grin

Cellular blankets Alex = posh term for blankets with holes in them!

...which they probably then charge you twice the price for because they're for babies.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 10:11:03

I have bought 1 tog and 2.5 tog 0-6m Grobags, but I don't think they're recommended for use until baby is at least 4kg so I will be using a cellular blanket for at least the first few weeks (I hope baby is smaller than 4kg at birth!)

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 10:14:40

Alex I got a couple of small cellular blankets from Mothercare for about £7 each but I then spotted some in Primark for about £3.

Purple apart from when I've overdone it and they get a bit painful, my BH are just painless tightenings which you could easily not notice.

So can you tell the difference between that and your SPD then cos when I've overdone it everything hurts so I'm not sure I'd know the difference!

Osteopath advised I sit on a gym ball at my desk instead of a chair, not sure about that one, would feel like a right wally!

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 10:30:47

Must be one of those things they do differently in different countries - here I have a grobag even on my hospital bag list, so apparently they use those for newborns too.

Which reminds me that I should probably think about packing that bag as well.

Yes it's funny how different some of the advice is isn't it. I even notice it between the different ante natal classes I go to with work, I guess all the midwife stuff is the same but the bit the children's centre do on bathing, nappy changing etc differs wildly between two of the towns. I think it's down to the fact that one of the members of staff is a mum of two so gives practical/real life based on experience advice and the other is a bloke who very much sticks to guidelines and rules in his advice.

I haven't packed either Hazle and I still need to order one of Cavort's sexy maternity nighties...although you probably should get on with it sooner than me given your due date! That said I'm sure if we had to we could all lob stuff in a bag last minute and be absolutely fine. I only live half an hour away from the hospital after all!

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 10:40:36

Purple you can get kind of half-gym ball things that go on the seat of your chair and have kind of the same effect at making you sit up straight and not slouch and work your core. Like a small inflatable cushion. Ask work to get you one?

My pg moan for the day is a new type of boobie pain. Like dull electric shocks through the nipples. Ow. Plus there was someone on my bus this morning that smelt of manure. Boak.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 10:41:21

Hazle I haven't heard anyone advising against using them for newborns until Purple just said. It's just lots of newborns are under 4kg, which is the manufacturer's own recommendation to avoid if baby weighs less than that. So long as you use the appropriate tog for the air temperature I can't see them being a problem.

Purple the BH are accross my bump whereas the SPD makes my hips and pelvis really sore if I have overdone it so there is definitely a difference, although I do get more obvious BH and sore pelvis together when I have done too much.

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 10:55:38

I'm not sure about those BH either - the bump sometimes gets kind of tight and feels harder, is that it?

Good idea Quod I'll look into one thanks!

Can't remember if it was a health visitor or a midwife that said about the gro-bags but they said newborns can be too small for them and slip down inside them and that they can overheat in a gro-bag when they're tiny and cellular blankets are more breathable so better for regulating temp. Think she said gro-bags from 3 months were fine. No idea if that's right or just an opinion but it was definitely a professional that said it.

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 11:19:11

My NCT leader said that grobags and cellular blankets fine from birth BUT to make sure we have really, really low tog ones (for those of us with summer babies) AND that if your baby is on the small side, it may well be too small for the grobag from day one. As such, I've bought cellular blankets for the start and will get grobags towards the autumn I think. And alex don't fear - at NCT they bring in blankets and pretend babies and teach you useful things like how to tuck them in at night so the blankets are safe and don't get in the way. Phew, I would have had NO idea.

Really laughed at the baby/knob size comment!

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 12:22:22

Oh dear frog - definitely think some wikisexedpedia wouldn't go amiss there!

I hardly ever get painful BH, but do notice my belly going solid every so often - it's supposed to happen every 15 mins or so from as early as 16 weeks, but they gradually become painful as the muscles get stronger.

The painful ones I get are stretching pains I think, often hastened by dehydration. Had one the other day that lasted over an hour - like a dull ouchy cramp near my bellybutton. Baby had a limb poking nearby and it had sent something into spasm I think.

Weird question of the day... does anyone else have a bulge in the middle of their belly when lying down? Noticed this in the bath the other day as I lay back, basically, there's a massive gap between what I assume are were my tummy muscles that bulges outwards - it's a good 2 inches wide, all the way from belly button to ribs. Am a bit bothered that it's diastasis recti - but it could be totally normal!

Don't know on that one Bear, sorry, my bump is so asymmetrical at the moment I've got weird lumps and bumps sticking out all over the place.

Quick straw poll, if your OH wanted to go away for a couple of nights two weeks before your due date would you say it was ok? OH informed me last night that he wants to go away to some boys with toys playing with guns thing and do I mind?

My first instinct was to say yes of course it's fine as he never goes anywhere and it's only 2/3 hours away (although I imagine he will want a few beers while he's there) but now I'm feeling slightly nervous at the prospect but I don't want to stop him going. It only happens once a year so he can't just go another time, chances are it will be absolutely fine, it's just that little niggly 'what if...' but I don't want to stop him going for the sake of some silly little 'what if' worry which turns out to be nothing. I'll be 38 weeks. Your thoughts?

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 13:33:47

I've noticed that if I'm lying in bed and try to get up, my muscles kind of go up into a kind of point. Not a distinct point at all, but kind of a bit like a tent instead of being flat. But if I lie flat it's a definite round like I've swallowed a whole melon: I'm enormous

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 13:46:33

Purple if he could get to the hospital in time (we can hope, but 2 hour labours are rare) and manages to take it easy on beer, I'd probably be ok. You can get to the hospital without him, yes?

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 13:58:34

Oh and purple I think I agree with hazle. Odds of something happening before he can get back are really, really slim - unfortunately most first labours take a lot lot longer than three hours! But I think I would want him to be in a fit state to drive back at any given time, just in case...

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 14:01:33

Thanks Janey was slightly alarmed when I read somewhere evil google it can be a bad thing, but I think it's only really bad if it stays that way a long time after birth.

Purple I'd be inclined to say don't go if I'm honest. I am very laid back as a rule, but think that's a bit much - why should he get all the fun when you're stuck at home worrying about every little twinge?

If he does go (indeed, you might want the space lol), I'd definitely ask that he doesn't drink and that he has his phone with him and he will answer it AT ANY TIME.

Given some of your dramas, it is totally not unreasonable to think about you first here!

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 14:42:30

Tricky one purple - agree with janey labour would usually last longer than the journey. I'd ask him to stay sober but would worry that he would get there and cave in and have a few drinks. I'd try and have a serious conversation with him about whether he can realistically go on a boy's wkend and not drink and if he definitely could and really wanted to go, then I'd probably say go but keep his phone on loud!

Is anyone else feeling bad/guilty about work and mat leave? My boss wants me to keep my pregnancy secret for now from clients, so she can tell them and manage it as it's an "extremely difficult" situation and we need to work out how we're going to handle it and my mat cover etc. Made me feel like it's a dirty secret! I also know a couple of my clients very well on friendly terms so seems weird to have to hide it until she's "ready to break the news"! And I have a little bump already!

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 14:47:23

God I hate your bosses alex. It's only a difficult situation because they don't do any work, and all your clients know it as well. They'll just be worried about losing all of their business because you're off for a year, and they only retain their clients because of you! I'd just be honest and say you will keep quiet for a week or two, but you're already starting to show so really they need to have a plan of action within the next two weeks as you won't be able to keep quiet about it for any longer, nor would you want to.

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 14:55:07

I reacted badly to her comments blush wish I was better at hiding my annoyance, really need to learn that skill! It was the way she demanded "take that badge off" about my baby on board badge and made the comments literally just as we went into a meeting, made me feel like it was something I'd done wrong! She then banged on after about how hard it's going to be to find good mat leave cover, clients will hate it, she won't pay for an agency so "we'll" have to use linked in etc and it's going to be "such a struggle". Well sorry I'm putting you out!

I think you've all hit the nail on the head, it's not him going away without me or being a couple of hours away that's worrying me as I know he'd be able to get back before anything happened it's what if he's been drinking and can't drive. I could easily taxi it to the hospital if I needed to (assuming if I needed to go I wouldn't feel well enough to drive myself!) so I think if I feel ok I'll say to just enjoy himself but if I feel a bit funny tell him to go have fun but ask him to stick to just the one drink. He'd be fine with that, he's not a massive drinker anyway (he's getting too old to handle the hangovers these days!)

Alex, I feel bad about work and maternity leave and it's not even my fault - they've left it all to the last minute to get cover in for me and now my colleague is going to have to manage on her own for probably at least a month or two so I feel guilty as I know she's going to struggle but realistically, you're entitled to it so shouldn't worry yourself about it though I know that's easier said than done! Also, having a baby isn't an 'extremely difficult situation' people do it all the time and she shouldn't be making you feel bad about it.

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 15:13:44

Alex that's borderline discrimination - how dare she act like that? If you're ina union, I'd honestly talk to them sooner rather than later, if only for advice. Unless there's somehting in your contract about concealing long -term absences or something, she can't tell you to keep quiet.

angry for you

And I thought I had problems with my inept line manager plus my same-level colleague who's consistently taking it upon herself to be my boss openly discussing how 'amazing' the candidates are for my replacement.

Jeez, I'm in the same room as you guys ffs! At least pretend they're all crap and that they won't be any threat to me when I get back <rolls eyes>

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 15:15:55

Finding maternity cover is her responsibility (and problem), not yours. Grrrr they're so annoying. And if they did any bloody work themselves they'd have more money to pay for cover!! And I'm glad you didn't react well, how dare they tell you who you can and can't tell your news.

My cover isn't sorted. As such I've had to make a list of all my existing responsibilities, and my new ones (for new role which would start in 6 weeks or so, if I was still here) and split them out across several managers across the department (and other departments). My job now seems to consist of handing bits and bobs over to various different people who have no idea about any of this stuff - is starting to make me stressed about what's going to go wrong when I'm off. God, am such a control freak at work...

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 15:32:57

It's is bad isn't it! Poor you bear with the "amazing candidates" comment!

I guess most employers think pregnant employees are a pain but at least they usually pretend otherwise!

I also tried to warn her today that my pregnancy COULD be difficult, I just thought if I warn them of POTENTIAL issues with preterm/having to work from home/bed rest, they'll be prepared, but I said touch wood all will be fine (they're expecting me to work at events at 28 weeks plus). I said I'm hoping more than anyone it will all go smoothly, but I might need to go easy on my feet especially if I end up needing a stitch. You should have seen her face! Maybe I should have kept quiet on that one but was trying to do the right thing to prepare her in case she ends up needing to hire extra help, obviously I don't want to let them down or leave them in the lurch! Oops!

janey how are you feeling about the new role situation now? Oh and someone I know is a total control freak at work and she's on mat leave now and she told me it's so funny as the minute you're off and your baby is born, you just enjoy it and don't end up worrying at all, so hopefully that's true! She is LOVING it, and she wasn't even a maternal/broody person!

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 16:07:30

Alex I am shocked at your boss - I agree, totally out of line. I wonder if you ought to take a front-foot approach to discussing it with them (eg decide when/how you will tell clients and how) whilst at the same time making it clear that you know what your rights are and that it's their responsibility to arrange suitable cover. What a bunch of dicks.

I have got no idea how we will work it when I go on 'mat leave' - I all depends on what the company is doing at that time but doubt I will stand down entirely (nor would I want to probably). There is no one who could cover for me and given that its only two of us who effectively run the company it's going to be tricky.

Does anyone know how late you can fly long-haul? We have an outside possibility finally of one of our shows being toured to the Far East in early October which is hugely exciting, but I reckon I'll be too far gone to go (due mid-Dec)! Boooo!

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 16:10:40

Ditto here Alex, one of the girls with a similar role to mine but in a different division was totally unmaternal until she had her baby - she was sooo stressed about finding replacements etc and coming back to a mess. She said that she totally didn't care after her daughter showed up - in fact she told me today not to be a martyr and to go off earlier if I wanted to...

It's one of the things DP has been helping with lately, just making sure I get a grip on work now and trying to take away the stress.

In a few months time, we really won't care about this. But now, our lives are work-based (first question you ever ask someone is 'what do you do', right?) and that's why it takes up so much energy and stress.

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 16:16:08

Also Alex, if you need to take it easier, you'll be able to get a light duties note from your consultant. And, technically, if you've told your boss, she should be arranging things like risk assessments straightaway - this was automatic when I informed HR, think it's a standard rule.

Quod that's exciting! How many weeks will you be? Most airlines will fly to around 34 weeks, but you would probably need a fit to fly cert from your doctor if you go after 28 weeks. This isn't usually a problem, but I was banned from flying because I have a relatively low-lying placenta, which was only (very casually) flagged at the 20 week scan.

I'd say check with airlines as to how late they'll fly you, and make sure you get specific travel insurance (that covers medical treatment for you and baby and repatriation for both of you if needed) so you can cancel and not lose money if you need to...

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 16:30:08

Quod the usual cut-off for bigger airlines is 34 or 36 weeks with fit to fly cert, so you should be fine.

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 16:48:11

Oooh might just sneak in there then!

Frogcatcher Tue 21-May-13 17:20:58

Quod one of my friends wanted to fly within the guideline weeks to Egypt but the airline asked for a dr's certificate. Her dr would only certify her to fly below a certain height which was basically saying she couldn't fly as it was lower than all commercial flights confused. Anyway being the stubborn mare that she is she forged the certificate so that it was allowed & thereby probably voided any travel insurance she had. Would not recommend this approach! Anyway she & baby were both fine but I would check whether your dr will give one as hers was just adamant that women that pg should not fly at all.

Frogcatcher Tue 21-May-13 17:26:09

Oh & I was hoping to fly in September when I'll be about 21 weeks. From the sounds of it that might not be possible Bear if any problems show up at 20 week scan! Bugger. I'd better mention this to DP as that was when we were planning our hols without SS as we're planning on taking him & going with another family in the school hols when I'll only be 15 weeks and probably just looking fat not pg sad. And DP admitted at weekend that he'd been planning to take me to Paris for my birthday weekend in Aug but that not much point if I can't drink wine or eat soft cheese!

Alexandra6 Tue 21-May-13 17:33:52

Anyone who's flown when preggers, did you ever spot after the flight? I have been googling (why do I do it to myself) and found people saying they spotted straight after several flights so don't do it if any potential issues.

BraveLilBear Tue 21-May-13 17:56:24

Tbh frog you'd be fine to fly then unless you get told specifically 'you must not fly'. You only need a fit to fly cert after 26-28 weeks depending on airline (some even later). I was not told anything at the 20 week scan, in fact, was told 'it's fine to carry on as normal'.

I only found out 2 weeks later when I called the midwife about getting a fit to exercise cert to do pregnancy yoga that I was told I was't allowed to fly etc. Was a bit of a shock tbh!

The reason I wouldn't be allowed to fly would be because if I started bleeding (a complication of low-lying placenta) the airline would be able to do naff all, so they don't like flying women with complications.

My point is, at 21 weeks, the airline wouldn't need a fit to fly cert, so you could just go (so long as you have good insurance etc).

By all means double check with your midwife, but most normal people are totally fine to fly, as long as they take precautions like drinking lots and wearing flight socks etc.

HazleNutt Tue 21-May-13 18:07:15

alex I flew long-haul around 20-21 weeks, no issues.

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 18:12:30

I've flown eleven times pregnant that i can remember, including four long haul flights, and haven't had any spotting at all after any of the flights... Flights taken between 9 and 26 weeks...

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 18:55:06

Quod my doctor charges an absolutely outrageous £35 to sign a fit to fly certificate and a doubly piss taking £115 if you need a consultation with him before he signs it (luckily I didn't as my pregnancy is uncomplicated, but if you have any issues, even minor ones, you might have to have one). angry angry angry

Alex I flew to New York at 14 weeks and Spain at 29 weeks without any issues, although the short flight to Spain did make me swell up despite wearing sexy flight socks. And your boss sounds like a nightmare! I think you should put laxatives in her coffee or hide a rotting fish somewhere near her desk. <childish but satisfying>

Brave when I lie down my belly is round like a beach ball, but when I use what's left of my stomach muscles to sit up I get a ridge down the middle which makes the bump look sort of pointy. Even if it is diastasis recti there's nothing anyone can do about it while you're still pregnant, and if it's still there afterwards then one of the treatments is a tummy tuck, which might actually be quite handy to get one on the NHS rather than spending hours doing abdominal crunches after the birth. grin

Yeah alright all you jet setters, stop rubbing it in, I haven't been anywhere sad and my best mate is in Rome and keeps texting me complaining how much beer is costing him. S'not fair.

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 19:08:35

Cavort/Brave I have looked up how to avoid diastatis recti (or 'disasterous rectum' as it's become in my head) as I already have a small separation and bulge if I do planks etc so I am keeping an eye on it. One recommendation is not using your stomach muscles to sit up once your muscles are under pressure from baby beneath, but rolling onto your side and levering yourself up instead. There are a few habitual things you can change apparently which lower the likelihood of a bad separation - worth googling it I reckon.

grin at disastrous rectum...I believe that's a wholly different pregnancy problem!

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 19:27:25

Quod I already look like a walrus and now it looks like i'm going to have to roll off the furniture. This pregnancy lark really isn't sexy is it?!! wink I thought lactulose sorted out a disasterous rectum? grin

Purple I agree with him that beer prices in Rome are daylight robbery. Cheer him up by telling him my boss went to watch the Grand Prix and ordered one bottle of Corona in a bar in the main square in Milan before the race. It was 35 Euros. shock

Frogcatcher Tue 21-May-13 20:05:33

No idea what the disastrous rectum stomach thingy is and too lazy to google but suspect that is why my Pilates teacher has banned me from curl ups already which I think is a bit over cautious when bean is only 5mm & can hardly be pushing me from beneath. Grrrr.

And DP & I recently unwittingly paid £50 for two drinks in Dubai - ouch & double ouch.

I don't want to cheer him up Cavort, the smug single childless git keeps texting me telling me he's drinking wine and having more fun than me, work trip my arse! Meanwhile I'm groaning on the sofa in pain and he's got not sympathy because its 'self inflicted'

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 22:26:40

Everyone is rude in Rome and there are too many fake gladiators everywhere. Being on the sofa is much better than being anywhere else that's my self delusion and I'm sticking to it

Quodlibet Tue 21-May-13 22:28:05

And yes Purple, let's hope none of us have disasterous rectum lined up for us, it sounds seriously unpleasant.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 22:28:19

Has anyone else been having shooting/stabbing pains in the cervical area? I have been having them increasingly frequently over the last few weeks and they sometimes make me yelp when I get one, which isn't ideal while i'm still at work. blush Dr Google suggests it might be the baby pressing down on the cervix and it seems to be called 'Lightning Crotch,' which is a relief because I just worked myself up into a bit of a frenzy in the bath when my overactive brain decided the pains must mean dilation. blush

janey1234 Tue 21-May-13 22:35:29

Yes cavort! Only just started but feels like a pain in my cervix. Odd. Not awful but definitely makes me jump.

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 22:37:15

I absolutely loved Rome! In fact I loved the whole of Italy probably because of the massive quantity of red wine, Peroni and rich food I got through. I did give the ridiculous fake gladiators a wide berth though. And in Sorrento we were having dinner in this reet posh cliff top restaurant and Pierce Brosnan came and sat on the next table who was surprisingly tasty for an older man. Unfortunately I wasn't quite pissed enough to fling myself at him in order to get that desirable 'Cavort aka Bond Girl' photograph. I still regret that. grin

Cavort Tue 21-May-13 22:39:01

It's reassuring that it's not just me Janey. I shouldn't moan about them being painful - I bed they're nothing compared to labour!

No stabby cervix pains for me but that's probably because my dozy baby appears to be sideways or something - have spent much of the evening trying to figure out what body parts any of the several weird protuberances that are poking out of my stomach are.

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 10:14:26

Sooo....if, like me, you have also at some point grabbed a bottle of perineal massage oil, because you heard it's good, even though you only had a vague idea what it's for exactly, here's a tip.

After you have read the instructions on the bottle and have also done the "confused wait, I'm supposed put it where??" - before you try to do that, keep your nails short. At least one nail. Believe me, that's no place for long nails.

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 10:32:37

grin hazle, poor you!!
Well done for trying though. Did you manage do reach, so to speak?!

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 10:47:38

Yes, reaching still fine. Not sure if that oil makes any difference though.
By the way, anybody using Epi-No or similar "training" devices? Now those things look properly scary.

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 10:59:20

I've read about them. As you say, the idea of them sounds amazing - but they look bloody terrifying. Argh.

I am SICK of heartburn at the moment. Was up all night with it again, thought I was going to be sick again at one point. I love magnesium trisilicate, but last night that didn't really touch it at all even though I had so much that when I woke up I had chalky residue on my lips . Feel bad for moaning, as I know I'm so lucky to be pregnant (as we've all said before) but part of me is beginning to tire of this being knocked up thing...

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 11:03:28

Scrap that - sounds weird. The idea of them doesn't sound "amazing" at all. It sounds peculiar and not the kind of thing you'd ordinarily want to use. What I meant is that the idea of a device that prevents you tearing or needing a cut sounds amazing...

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 11:17:03

Ouch janey your heartburn sounds scary. I have heartburn sometimes, mostly quite mild though and in such cases I've found that kefir works better than gaviscon. Tastes better too - well, if you like that kind of thing, DH thinks I'm nuts drinking milk obviously gone off a long time ago.

Last weeks are not that much fun indeed.Every time I need to get up to pee, I feel like a tortoise on its back, trying to get out of bed.

MotherOfCleo Wed 22-May-13 11:31:12

ahhh janey poor you, sounds nasty!
Had my 16 week check this morning and all is good, heard bubs heartbeat. Was 150, which the old wives tale would say is a girl.....bet thats rubbish though.

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 11:31:31

Don't laugh but I didn't even know what heartburn was before pregnancy (had heard about it but still haven't had it) - it's indigestion isn't it but bile comes up and burns your throat when you (sorry) burp? I think I've had that a bit but it wasn't really bad at all - maybe I haven't had it properly yet?!

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 11:34:32

Cross post, yay mother! grin I quite like old wive's tales and people guessing the sex even though I know it's probably all rubbish! Keeps the guessing fun! Lots of people are guessing boy for me including a friend who says she's "never wrong" hmmm wink

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 11:35:36

A little aside...
I bought one of these to take to hospital after it was recommended by two friends who have babies that I was out for dinner with last week. Both had (I say had, as they are much smaller now) boobs on the slightly larger than average size (I think one was 36C pre baby, and the other 34DD) and said their boobs changed so significantly day by day after birth that nothing would fit - and that they 'calmed down' pretty soon after too. Anyway, they recommended these because they're so stretchy so should accommodate all the fluctuations in the first few days. Tried on last night, isn't the most supportive thing in the world, but is BLOODY COMFY, so thought I'd share...

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 11:37:15

Cross post mother. It really is the most amazing sound in the world, isn't it smile

alex I had never, ever had it before, and it's definitely a third trimester thing. Isn't when you burp, for me is ALL THE SODDING TIME, just an awful burning pain in my throat and chest. Lovely.

Yes it has got to that stage where I feel a bit like I'm playing pregnancy crappy symptom bingo and I'm getting close to a full house:
PGP, OC, Breech baby, heartburn, calf cramp, back ache, rib ache, nose bleeds, needing to pee every 5 minutes, cankles,...I'm sure there's more! I do have days where I wonder what other parts of me can possibly break down...then I remember I haven't got piles and as yet I haven't peed myself then I count myself lucky grin

I think you're very brave even attempting the perineal massage, I know I ought to but I can't bring myself to think about it, although I've already had to chop all my nails off so I don't cause permanent damage when I get the itches. That's still not going to encourage me to stick them anywhere other than in my ears while I go lalalala on the issue though.

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 11:55:51

purple all you need is high BP, protein in your urine or glucose in your urine and I really do think you have a full house sad

Feel bad for moaning about heartburn now!

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 12:12:11

Oh, and has everyone seen the news today? Apparently we're all terrible mothers to be if we haven't had enough iodine in our diets wink Probably too late for us third trimester girls, but the following is pretty useful. Am glad I've had a hot chocolate for breakfast most days since getting pregnant, who knew that was healthy?!

mumsnet advice here

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 12:18:54

Thanks janey I saw that and was very pleased my cheese cravings have paid off!

It's funny how different pregnancies are and some people seem to get lumped with more symptoms/scary problems while others sail through. Makes me wonder about the "it's not a disability" school of thought as for some people it affects how much they can carry on as normal more than others!

That's true Janey, I shall count myself even luckier that I've got good BP. There's always some way it could be worse isn't there! (although I did forget the random drooling all over your pillow symptom on my list, seriously, what's that all about?)

The really good news of the day is that even though I'm at a very public facing desk this morning I've been pulling some REALLY funny faces and that's because the mini monster seems to be trying to turn around. The big head shape sticking out of my side has definitely moved down a bit in the last couple of hours. Yay!

As for the iodine, who knew? They're always finding another stick to hit us pregnant ladies with aren't they! Good to know my cheese habit is making my baby clever though wink

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 12:31:08

True, Alex. I've been showing some of the complaints threads in Pregnancy topic to DH - as I've been mostly problem-free, he now thinks all the books lie and pregnancy is no big deal. It certainly can be a very miserable time for many women.

BraveLilBear Wed 22-May-13 12:36:09

Afternoon all! Perineal massage. When are you supposed to start that? I will give it a try <with short nails> as I have scar tissue in the vicinity already from that op and I daresay a little stretching wouldn't go amiss.

I will NOT though be using any magic devices. I will also, not be sharing my intention to attempt such massage on Facebook, as did an acquaintance of mine recently. I don't want to look like HullDad and his special yoni services... blush

Yay for heartbeat Mother I couldn't believe it the first time I heard it... was awesome even though it took ages for mw to find it (stupid placenta in the way) - at my last appointment it was so solid I just started grinning grin

Oh and heartburn sucks. For me it ranges from feeling a bit sicky somewhere in my oesaphagus (sp?) to actually feeling like I'm breathing fire. I'm finding an evening Horlicks is helpful - especially as I'm not out of gaviscon again <sob>

I'm finding that all of my symptoms are very come-and-go though, same with my hips and with the heartburn.

I also get lightning crotch from time to time. I see it as an encouraging foray into a vertical position by Baby Bear, who otherwise likes to think laterally... Last night while walking home I had the weirdest feeling though - I felt like my pelvic floor was about to fall out with every step! Plus there was a vague pressure on my rectum.

Didn't feel like I had a bowling ball wedged, so think it must have been a bum or feet pushing down, but was incredibly uncomfortable. Have been upping my kegels today as a result. Possibly connected to this, I had my first foray into needing to wee every half an hour, oooo such fun! grin

BraveLilBear Wed 22-May-13 12:41:21

Yay for diving BabyPurple!

That iodine stuff is ridiculous. Basically - if you don't exclusively eat dairy all day everyday, your baby will be stupid. But don't do anything about it cos then you'll break another food rule or other. Ridiculous.

I've been consuming shedloads of dairy throughout but still probably not enough to meet those requirements. Rahhhhh.

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 12:47:15

She posted on Facebook about her perineal massage!?! Ha!

When does lighting crotch start happening? Bit scared of that one, better tell my baby to be careful and go easy down there!

bear what's your scarring from, what op did you have?

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 12:48:23

Oh and good work mini monster!

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 12:52:09

alex i read on here yesterday about someone who had to have an unplanned c section as the baby was in a funny position for delivery. It was apparently a tricky op as somehow the baby had, during the course of labour, managed to put it's hand through her cervix and was merrily trying to shake hands with anyone who examined her internally. So strange!

BraveLilBear Wed 22-May-13 13:00:09

I was a bit shock I can tell you! Fortunately, there were no pictures.

I've had lightning crotch every so often for a good few weeks, maybe circa week 22 or so? But tis very occasional.

I had a perianal abscess in early pregnancy - ie sort of 7 o'clock from lady opening and 11 o'clock from a-hole. I've got a weird scar now, which a consultant OB has apparently signed off as 'not a problem' despite not seeing me!

Not a massive drama (and obviously not visible) but would love to avoid episiotomy and tearing if possible...

Cavort Wed 22-May-13 13:10:25

Great news on your check up Mother. I echo what others have said, it's a wonderful sound. smile

Hazle I have attempted perineal massage once so far. I tried it in the shower so I could wash the oil straight off. I felt quite stupid doing it but I will persevere if it's for the greater good. I'm steering well clear of any scary-looking training devices though. And I'm so pleased I can reach myself and haven't had to ask DH for assistance!

Janey I have already bought a couple of stretchy bras like that to sleep in now after my disturbing one nipple leakage incidents. They are indeed very comfy and should do for the days after the birth.

Symptom-wise, I am also suffering with heartburn but it's not been too bad and seems to be sorted by Gaviscon so far, although i'm sure the worst is yet to come. I have SPD which is also not too bad unless I overdo it in which case it gets really sore for a few days. I've had cramp in the night a couple of times but my loo trips in the night are rarely more than once and sometimes not at all. I haven't had actual nosebleeds but there is blood in the tissue every time I blow. Purple I am also unexplainedly dribbling all over the pillow when asleep - WTF's that all about?? Without doubt, my worst current symptom is bladder leakage sometimes when I do a big sneeze or similar. It's only happened a few times but I have to remember to keep my knees together before I sneeze of cough now. blush I've been shit hot on doing the kegels so I assume it's hormones and i'm keeping my legs fingers crossed it goes away after the birth.

Cavort Wed 22-May-13 13:18:31

Oh, and as for this iodine deficiency thing, surely there are too many genetic factors for a study to work properly? Intelligent parents are likely to have intelligent babies so unless every mother in the study had the same IQ I don't see how a 3% difference is conclusive at all. The same with Omega 3. I'm not saying these things don't make a difference but there is too much natural variation in the parents intellect for a proper study.

Personally I hope our baby gets DH's intelligence and my common sense!

Pleased to hear about your check up Mother, it's lovely hearing the heartbeat. For what it's worth, my Midwife says the different rhythyms/speed for different genders is nonsense but then she's a very no nonsense kind of lady and it's always fun to speculate!

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 13:51:20

oh the gender predictions reminded me - saw friend's mum who has had both a boy and a girl and she took one look at my belly and exlaimed: "Oh, it's a boy!" Apparently if your bump is high and round it's a boy and for girls, the bumps are lower and more wide. I certainly look like I've stuffed a beach ball up my shirt, it's very high and round at the moment.

I can't imagine though that gender could make a difference there. Unless boy babies are behaving like men later and sit there with their legs akimbo, taking up all possible surrounding space?

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 13:58:25

I hope the baby gets my academic intelligence and DH's social intelligence. I'll keep eating tons of cheese though just in case, yum wink

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 14:00:38

Cross post hazle I've heard that one too
grin at baby boys sitting legs akimbo!

BraveLilBear Wed 22-May-13 14:13:34

Lol - apparently, I have a girl bump because I have a huge fat arse and my boobs have grown massively.

Had written a rant about the iodine thing and how ridiculous it is, but the universe took it away lol.

Suffice to say, it's almost impossible from that table to get enough iodine by diet alone, and how ridiculous it is to then say 'oh but don't go supplementing with other foods because you'll have too much salt or will break some other vitamin rule'.

Bah humbug.

Had a wobble last night about Horlicks as I saw on the side of the packet that it has Vitamin A in it... aaaarghhh!

HazleNutt Wed 22-May-13 14:30:40

After a quick google, I found as many sources claiming the exact opposite, that carried low means a boy and high - a girl. According to some more serious sources, how high the bump is just depends on your muscle tone.

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 14:48:55

brave I have the huge fat arse but not the bigger boobs, what does that mean then? grin

Oh hang on, actually I have always had a fat arse wink

It means it's all a load of old hooey and they don't really know from looking at you, just like they don't really know by what you're craving, or how sick you've been. I did a poll before my 20 week scan and asked people what gender they predicted and why and wrote it all down. Unsurprisingly, the amount that were correct? almost exactly half!

Anyway, no worries about the iodine for us 3rd tri ladies since we're having summer babies which according to another stupid completely unfounded piece of tenuous research are all going to be thick less academically successful anyway grin

Frogcatcher Wed 22-May-13 15:20:19

Well my iodine must be good as I'm a vegetarian who eats fish which means I eat lots of dairy & fish! I will of course be anaemic instead so take your pick! I remember 2 women in my work once due exactly the same time with totally different shapes so everyone came out with all that & both had boys!
Pah to summer born thick children too - I'm an Aug baby & got 3 grade a at a level & have a degree & post grad qualification.

BraveLilBear Wed 22-May-13 15:24:49

Lol - thanks for that reminder Purple! Tho I would point out that in my highly successful family down south, they have four children, one born September, one July, one August and one June. They are all exceptionally bright and academically skilled, and three out of the four have successfully reached grammar school thus far (the fourth is only 6!). So there are always exceptions.

Cavort I think I had a boob leakage last night - woke up after a nightmare (accompanied by huge ouchy kick right on my belly button) and rolled over only to find that I had a sticky trail all along the inside of one of my arms that had been next to the offending boob shock

May look into those stretchy bras tbh... not used to having boobs that get in the way when you're trying to get comfy of a night!

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 15:51:51

I'm not sure if I should be, but I'm literally overcome with jealousy about you all having fully functioning boobs. Mine are shit. Massive and shit. envy

Mine seem to be shit as well Janey and mine are small and shit! Since I smugly said they seemed to be working a few weeks ago, there's been no sign of life from the useless lumps since. I've poked them a few times but nothing. We can't really add useless boobs to the bingo card as it's a lack of symptoms really isn't it!

Quodlibet Wed 22-May-13 17:14:19

So I had my booking in appt this morning which made it all feel a bit more real. Someone please tell me though that the nausea/exhaustion is going to ease off soon please? I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, fell asleep yesterday in a meeting and today (luckily working from home some of the day) I have found it really hard to get anything done and now having a hard time not boaking on public transport. It feels like I'm dragging myself from place to place. Is it all the new blood? And more importantly when will it stop? I've become so boring.

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 17:43:57

quod I want to tell you it gets better but I'm sooo tired (13 weeks tomorrow woop!) Someone told me you get your energy back in second trimester and feel like superwoman but I think it's a bit of a lottery as there's another thread about second trimester fatigue going on now! I'm like a zombie at the moment. Still ridiculously emotional, just cried in waitrose because I realised how happy I am with how my life's going and sent DH an unbelievably soppy text. WTF?! Really need to get my shit together! Congrats on booking in, when's your scan booked in for?

Quodlibet Wed 22-May-13 17:50:50

Oh gawd. I nearly cried today when DP said 'don't worry, you won't feel like this forever' and I thought yes but after this comes the baby and then we'll be tired all the time for years and years! Aggh!

Scan is next Friday 31st.

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 17:58:28

Just imagine maternity leave though quod! Relaxing, watching films, maybe take the baby to a sensory class or go off for lunch now and again. I can't wait! Am I setting myself up for a real shock here?!

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 18:20:28

Quod I didn't get any sickness at all, but the tiredness did get better. I was most tired about 11-14 weeks, then felt normal again.

-- totally whacked all the bloody time now mind you --

Alex loving your expectations of maternity leave. Clearly I know nothing, but to be honest, not one of my friends have described it as relaxing! More like the hardest thing they've ever done confused

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 18:20:54

Argh strike through fail hmm

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 18:30:39

I have heard that it's tough janey BUT then a couple of people who I know on mat leave have recently said it's brilliant. I saw one the other day, she's four months in, and she looked so chilled! I asked her what it was like and if she's exhausted and she said her baby sleeps well, doesn't cry much, she absolutely loves it. She's not the type to lie so it wasn't all a front! Wonder if it's like every pregnancy being different? Some people have an easier time than others? I've heard people say if you're calm and chilled in pregnancy, it can pass on to the baby and I'm giving it a shot and trying to stop my anxiety - worth a try if not just for my sanity now!

janey1234 Wed 22-May-13 18:34:15

I think some babies are def easier than others. Don't get me wrong, my friends all love being a mum - and have all done it more than once so can't be that bad! - but all also say it's the hardest thing they've ever done. Who knows, we'll find out soon enough!

Alexandra6 Wed 22-May-13 18:41:01

I think it goes though varying stages too - so a friend with a two year old is really struggling as he seems to cry for aaages at the moment but she seemed to have it easier and coped better for the first year or so. I'm telling myself it will all be great, helps me cope with the symptoms to look forward to it grin

Cavort Wed 22-May-13 19:27:53

Quod my tiredness, nausea and bloodhound sense of smell lasted until 16/17 weeks, which I know is really not what you want to hear. It did gradually start to get better after 12 weeks though. Unless you're really really unlucky you will get a reprieve in the middle where you feel quite normal again so it's not like you will have to go straight from feeling like shit to having a baby to look after. Even now with my third trimester gripes I still feel a million times better than I did at 7-16 weeks, they really were the blackest weeks of my life even though I was pleased about being pregnant.

Another one for the boob leakage brigade Brave? It's quite a shock when it happens isn't it? Mine was exactly the same with fluid all over the inside of my arm while lying on my side. I now sleep in a stretchy crop top style bra with thin breast pads in. <sexy!>

Alex I also have totally unrealistic high expectations of maternity leave of spending my mornings in baby classes and Summer afternoons in beer gardens chatting with my maternity buds (have my Sis and two friends on mat leave at the same time and two other friends with toddlers who are SAHM's). Having worked continuously since 16 (went to college and Uni but also worked 25 hours in a shop at the same time) I can't bloody well wait!

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 08:27:18

Anybody else getting the "You're still working??" comments yet? Daily here, and I feel fine, even planning to teach the classes for another week or so. I actually feel better when I'm running around doing things - once I'm on that sofa, getting me up again is like trying to peel a snail off a window.

About 4 weeks to go now and getting those small panic attacks again - OMG what are we doing? There will be a baby! We have such a nice, pleasant life with DH, what if this ruins everything? That's normal, right? And most people don't actually regret having kids, even if they are the horrible non-sleeping screaming kind?

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 08:36:35

Haven't you told them you're superwoman hazle? grin I think loads of people work to 38 weeks or so don't they if they're pregnancy is relatively risk/problem free? I have seen people adapting to it differently and some seem to enjoy/cope better than others (and like you say some babies are easier than others) but not one has said they regretted it! oh apart from DH's friends with two under two years old who told me not to do it and looked a bit manically tired but I'm telling myself they were just having a bad day!

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 08:38:03

Their not they're pregnancy, I am def thicker in pregnancy!!

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 09:01:51

I was just reading a that some doctors refuse to do vasectomies when the baby is under a year old - because this could be just a knee-jerk reaction. That does not sound too reassuring - so the first year is so horrible that men will do anything not to have another?

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 09:12:48

I am also getting mini panic attacks Hazle. Mainly about labour and birth though rather than the enormity of having a baby permanently in our lives, but I think that's because it's still not properly dawned on me that we're having one. I have no idea when this realisation will happen but I would imagine it will be accompanied by me sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night screaming, 'Fuuuucccckkkkk!'
But in the meantime my panics are about me not coping with labour very well which I know will prolong it and make intervention more likely. I really want to cope well with labour. I keep dreaming about my waters breaking which I hope is still at least a month away. My other panic is about something being wrong with the baby which wasn't picked up at any scans, or even something non-problematic but cosmetic like her being born with a big birthmark on her face.

I haven't got anybody making comments about still working because with my compact bump they still think i'm in my second trimester hmm

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 09:20:35

Ha they're traumatised! Oh I don't know, a few of DH's friends and colleagues have said "mate you'll love it, best thing you'll ever do" so DH is walking around with a big grin on his face.

For me personally, I was very down about ttc and I was living like I was missing something in my life (despite having never been particularly broody, it was the fear of feeling infertile and never having kids, I felt quite panicky) - so I just say bring it on!

Can I just ask a bingo card question - has anyone dealt with or heard about gestational diabetes? My midwife said I'm at risk because of poly cystic ovaries and I decided not to listen but I had an dream last night that at my 20 week scan, they told me my baby was huge because I'd developed that! Wondering if I should cut down on sugar but am loving my choccie milkshakes!

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 09:24:43

I don't really know anything about GD Alex but there seem to be some really active threads on MN about it so it might be worth popping on one of them to ask?

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 09:25:09

Cross post but snap cavort on labour/something wrong with baby panics!

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 09:29:32

yes you still look ridiculously tiny Cavort envy

I am very worried about anything being wrong, of course I now keep seeing articles and stories everywhere about parents not being able to cope with special needs children.
For some reason I'm not too terrified of birth - so many people do it, many several times, can't be that bad, right? This opinion will probably come back and bite me in the arse, I bet I'll have one of those 5-day labours with all interventions possible and a crash CS..

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 09:38:20

alex I've had some sugar found in my latest tests, which could be a sign of GD, guess I'll hear more next week when I have another doctor's appointment. As far as I've understood, you can't really avoid GD and if you are high risk, you should simply be tested earlier. Even if you do develop it, I doubt the baby will have time to get massive by your 20-week scan, I think the excessive growth would happen during the last few months.

janey1234 Thu 23-May-13 09:39:00

cavort I am HUGE and very jealous of you. Harrumph.

alex - don't know much about it except that it's relatively common (with up to 1 in 20 pregnant women getting it). Just looking on an NHS site I've seen that they say you are more likely to get it if:

"your body mass index (BMI) is 30 or more – you can use the healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
you have previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lbs) or more at birth – the medical term for a birth weight of more than 4kg (8.8lbs) is macrosomic
you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
you have a family history of diabetes – one of your parents or siblings has diabetes
your family origins are South Asian, black Caribbean or Middle Eastern"

I therefore wonder if people with PCOS are more likely to get it because a symptom of PCOS is being overweight? If so, might not affect you given you have the more rare "skinny version"?

I'd carry on with your milkshake - the milk is good for iodine wink plus you have SUCH a healthy diet anyway. On the NHS site they do say that even if you have it you don't have to cut out all sugar...

MotherOfCleo Thu 23-May-13 09:44:17

Alex I know 3 people who had GD and you really shouldnt worry, they pick it up easily from the standars tests and from what I heard the diet isnt too restrictive and varies for each case. One of the people I kno actually had a 8lb something baby, so not exactly huge.

I am aching lots from my class last night, eeek. It's good for me right? I still only have a tiny bump, kind of ready for it to pop now, I want people to be able to see I'm pregnant.

I've not had any major panic moments....yet. It did dawn on me that we will never have the 'traditional' honeymoon if/when we get married though as our wee one would be their, that was an odd realisation.

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 09:47:59

That's what I was just thinking janey maybe me being a skinny pcos'er puts me at less risk (yay!) I'm opening a milkshake right now as I have given myself a craving thinking about it! grin I was a huge baby so wondered if my mum had GD, might ask. She doesn't like talking about my birth (unsurprising really as I was ten and a half pounds!) wink think it was just because I was late though.

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 09:50:44

I keep telling myself there is absolutely no need to panic about the birth, in fact feeling relaxed and able to cope is probably one of the best possible ways of coping, but it's just the unknown of having never done it before and I don't know my own limits and might have a really low pain threshold which leads to hysteria in the early stages of labour. blush

Another slightly comical concern comes of the back of my Sister's experience. As you know she ended up having EMCS after a 4 day labour. There was a radio on in the operating theatre while they were getting baby out and my poor old nephew ended up making his appearance in the world to the sound of Ant & Dec singing 'Let's Get Ready to Rumble.' Now, this is undoubtedly hilarious but it's not really what you would choose as the song that will always remind you of the birth of your PFB!

Alexandra6 Thu 23-May-13 09:55:01

I'm so sorry cavort I can't stop laughing blush Of all the people to welcome you to the world - PJ and Duncan! grin

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 09:56:33

Mother I think your romantic post-baby honeymoon might depend on your support network. When my Step-Sis got married both sets of parents were squabbling over who was going to look after her 2 year old while they went on honeymoon as they both wanted him and ended up sharing him half each while they were away.

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 09:56:53

Cavort I don't remember your plans for the birth - you are not totally opposed to the idea of pain relief?

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 09:58:56

It is very funny Alex and we all laugh about it but it does make me wonder if I should be taking in my own playlist of more credible birthing music! grin

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 10:00:13

No Hazle, absolutely not opposed to anything. I will be demanding anything I think I need at the time. It's just me being ridiculous as ususal.

HazleNutt Thu 23-May-13 10:03:42

Now do you think it would be a bit of an overkill if I just asked for the epidural some time around the due date, just in case? grin

Cavort Thu 23-May-13 10:04:54

Nope, YADNBU Hazle in fact I was thinking I should do the same. grin

BraveLilBear Thu 23-May-13 10:20:08

Lol at Lets get ready to rumble! Poor DSis!

Could the PCOS link thing be due to the body processing sugars differently (which leads to the vast majority of sufferers being overweight)? May be talking out of my behind, but sure I absorbed that info from somewhere once... either way, it's easy to treat, especially if they pick it up fairly quickly.

Not quite at breast pad stage yet Cavort but may need to consider it. What with that and the nightsweats and occasional hip pains, night times are beginning to be really crap.

And now I have a new one to throw into the mix (look away Quod and any other morning sickness people). Woke up in the middle of the night, choking... on my own vomit [gross emoticon]. Had gone to bed a bit acidy as I'd run out of Gaviscon and couldn't get my nightly hit, but thought I'd be fine.

Eventually managed to roll away from DP and somewhow didn't actually throw up despite 'bits' arriving in my mouth every time I coughed, swallowed, or gas came up. Was horrendous - ended up lying there for nearly an hour, too scared to get up in case I was sick (would never have made the bathroom) and was in a lot of discomfort. Definitely a lesson to sleep on your side though.

Grim grim grim. Am completely knackered today now!

You can look again now Quod et al. MS and nausea does get better, for me it was around 16-17 weeks, tho was easier from around 13... Second trimester wasn't as tired, and now I'm definitely starting to feel it again.

Told DP about the early hours episode this morning when I woke up and he said 'not long to go now'. He really has gotten good at saying the right thing...! grin

Oh and my on-off birth paranoia has been distracted by the arrival of a fab book about breastfeeding. It's called The Food Of Love by Kate Evans and is great... definitely an improvement on the usual fingers in perineum ears lalalala approach to distraction grin