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Not so doomy-gloomy any more! The hut of doom and gloom graduates.

(90 Posts)
HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 26-Jan-13 21:23:36

Here's a home for us finally pregnant Hutters to hang out. <chucks around throw pillows>

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Wed 30-Jan-13 09:15:07

Hello, Ive been lurking, can I post as a graduate even though baby has been born? (Used to post as BB) smile

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 30-Jan-13 09:25:10

Yes of course you can! How's the family? smile

I'm not convinced this Fred will take off?!

Devilforasideboard Wed 30-Jan-13 18:09:12

Yay! I'm so excited to be on a proper grad thread smile

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 30-Jan-13 18:15:33

Thought it would be helpful and a bit less intense for those still in the throes of things. Still be popping in to offer support there obviously but will be able to chat about symptoms and planning more here.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Thu 31-Jan-13 20:21:06

Eek yay! We are ok, DS2 was born 21/12/12 at 9.53 weighing a tiny 6lb 2 by ELCS. The birth was horrid, after care awful, ended up with staph infection which GP only decided to treat last week ( 5 weeks Post birth) all of this plus a few stressful issues (lawsuit against the pharmacy to name just one!) beyond that (and probably a large dose of me failing) have led me to the dark place that is PND... Which feels like the worlds biggest hardest slap in the face given everything that we went through to get him. Im telling myself its a chemical imbalance etc, as I didnt have this with DS1, but I do feel a failure. Im hopeful it will get better soon.

Anyway! Im now on metformin for the PCOS ( stable door, horse anyone?)

How are you all getting along?

Devilforasideboard Thu 31-Jan-13 21:03:19

Oh Strawberries, I'm sorry you're having such a rotten time. You sound like you're doing an amazing job despite it all.

I'm in a slightly odd limbo in that it's 3 weeks til my 20 week scan and I'm feeling what I think might be movements but I'm not sure. Feels like I'm wishing the time away but that what may well be my only pregnancy is also slipping past too quickly!

There's a lot of other stuff going on, the most stressful of which is one of my lovely cats fighting what will probably be a fatal illness. It's a cliche but they really are/were baby substitutes and it feels very unfair to be facing this when we should all be happily getting on with our lives. Obviously it's nothing compared with what you're going through Strawberries and at least we should know what's likely to happen one way or the other in the next couple of weeks.

On a happier note I got my free changing bag from Boots along with some goodies for taking care of myself (vitamins, stretch mark oil and nice smelly stuff) and a pack of nappies which just seem so tiny!

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 31-Jan-13 22:46:13

sad how rotten strawbs, what a cruel twist of fate for you. I really hope that getting treated for the infection puts you on the road to recovery and you start to feel better emotionally as well.

Sorry to hear about your poor cat devil. I only have a rubbish baby substitute geriatric hamster that must be knocking on for two.

I'm doing ok. Travelled down to Devon today to meet the in-laws for the first time (long story but DH has only just got back in touch with them). I was a bit shocked at how much it's taken it out of me..over 4 hours travelling! Added in my whooping cough vaccine yesterday and I feel rough! I'll be off to bed shortly.

Oh I'm 28+2 now by the way smile

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Fri 01-Feb-13 20:03:06

Thanks both of you, sounds contrite but each day as he becomes more of a person it lifts slightly. The docs have been really good about it too, apparently its only a mild case doesnt feel it some days! so they have referred us for attachment therapy. I think what im feeling is similar to how I felt with DS1, its just magnified by other ishoos we have ongoing at the moment... My work are being utter twunts, House damp proof course has failed so 3 rooms unusable, wedding is approaching rapidly.. Despite that I feel chipper today!

Devils how sad about your cat, I understand as we had two cats before DS1 who really were my babies (prawns for a treat... Most weekendsblush) and when DS was born they both got poorly from the stress. We had to rehome them in the end as they had lost so much weight that their immune systems were shutting down, i felt so bad. I hope your cat makes an unexpected recovery, they are like family!
Not long until your scan, are you finding out the sex? Its a weird time but I bet the flutters are baby!

Faith eek how exciting! How are you feeling in yourself? Did you like the inlaws?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 02-Feb-13 15:16:23

I'm ok ta! Starting to feel more third trimester-ish lately, getting quite round, feeling more tired, less comfortable. But happy to have bump growing and wriggling smile

I'm glad that its a mild case strawbs. Sounds like there's a lot on your plate. I hope you can get the house sorted soon.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 02-Feb-13 15:22:17

Oh yes, the in laws! Most of the family are luffly. Very welcoming smile MIL is a bizarre character....I think she has some MH issues. She has been good so far (DH would only stay an hour!). She did touch my bump twice in the hour we were there which felt like a bit of an invasion. Only DH really touches my bump! But she's excited and trying hard so we are humouring her for now.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 02-Feb-13 19:01:57

Me too! Today was a good day DS2 was quite calm and is starting to smile more which helps!

Ah the inlaw situation sounds a bit uncomfortable but as you say least they are trying!

Eek third trimester already, its flying by! Are you getting more and more excited?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 02-Feb-13 19:11:41

I'm excited about being a Mummy and finally having my baby. I'm a but apprehensive about labour but arranging some ante-natal classes so hopefully I'll feel more prepared after that?!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sun 03-Feb-13 10:36:19

Ohh thats understandable! I really enjoyed my labour with DS1, no labour to speak of with DS2 as ELCS. I think my only advice would be to try and think of every pain as getting closer to baby? That makes me sound a right hippy I know! The drugs are lovely though ahaha! grin

Devilforasideboard Tue 05-Feb-13 20:05:26

Hi fellow graduates! How are we all today?

Devilcat went downhill very quickly after what turned out to be a final rally on Saturday. We had him put to sleep on Sunday and I think I cried solidly for about 24 hours but am feeling better now and so glad he's not suffering any more. Devilcat2 is getting lots of cuddles and seems to be doing ok without his brother.

I'm getting definite nudges now which is just amazing. I think we're going to find out what we're having which is quite exciting. My usual pre-scan nerves are starting to kick in a bit.

Which classes are you doing Faith? I've booked an NCT one and am contemplating hypnobirthing but just waiting to see what the consultant says about labour tomorrow (I have a very mild heart condition).

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 05-Feb-13 20:23:30

Evening all!

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat devil. The loss of a pet is always gutting sad I'm glad devilcat2 is still around for cuddles and the baby is nudging! I still love that - find it so exciting. As they get stronger, you'll find it you tap where it's kicking, it'll kick back, then you can tap elsewhere and it'll follow you round! It's the first basic communication with your child! smile

We are looking at private classes with a midwife locally. I can't commit to 8 weeks of NCT due to my shifts and the only other option is Relate - there aren't any more classes arranged before my due date! The only hypobirth class near me is over £200! I might buy a CD though...

Yes Strawberries, I like the thought of each pain bringing me closer to having my baby really helps! I guess I'm nervous because I've had poorly managed pain before and of course, that just gradually improves rather than having a good outcome! I will be after lots of drugs, I don't handle pain well. Having said that, the worst pain I ever had was a virus that gave me agonising head pain. My friend had similar after she had a baby and said those pains were worse than labour so maybe I'll handle labour pains better than I expect?!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Wed 06-Feb-13 12:48:12

Hi all

Devils sorry about DevilCat, its so sad when they go! Yay for DCat2 and definite yay for nudges! I had anterior placenta with both DS' so didnt feel much which was a bummer!

faith i think you will probably handle the pain ok, as its a pain you can settle into if that makes sense? And its not constant, although disclaimer I never did the pushing part, but i did have contractions, although Im weird the G&A made me enjoy them?!

Things are improving here, off out tonight which will be a nice break! DP has had a promotion at work involving a change in shift pattern which is a real win win for us and means that we will definitely be buying a house at the beginning of next year, which is very exciting!

delilahbelle Thu 07-Feb-13 13:32:14

<sidles in, looks around, and runs away in fear>

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sun 10-Feb-13 09:22:44

(Imagine oasis tune) heyyyyy lilaaaaa

Eek! How 'citing! grin

delilahbelle Sun 10-Feb-13 09:51:27

Hi strawberries a much darker line this morning and I'm starting to hope this pregnancy will stick. Next beta tomorrow!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sun 10-Feb-13 15:19:59

Eek thats so positive (literally!) will keep everything crossed!

Devilforasideboard Sun 10-Feb-13 15:21:46

Oooh, so exciting to see you in here delilah! Fingers crossed for good results tomorrow.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 10-Feb-13 15:26:51

Ooh dee I'm so hopeful for you. Darker lines are definitely a good sign! Hoping the beta test tomorrow supports this smile

I have been to catch up with old friends this weekend. Some have kids now, one has a baby who is about 12 weeks. Very strange to be holding her baby while mine kicked me from the inside! Bit of a relief as she had a quiet day yesterday...happily back to normal!

delilahbelle Sun 10-Feb-13 17:13:53

Thanks all. I'm hopefully be terrified at every little cramp and twinge. Currently having some achey pains, not much like AF but of course I still assume its going to all go wrong. Stress.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Wed 13-Feb-13 09:40:30

How was your beta test dee?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 13-Feb-13 10:14:47

Rooting for you and the embryos today delilah! Is the blood test local to home?

delilahbelle Wed 13-Feb-13 10:42:46

Hey - I had the blood test on Monday, results tomorrow from my GP.
Will let you know how I get on

Don't feel at all pregnant...

delilahbelle Thu 14-Feb-13 11:28:50

Blood tests showed my HCG has increased very nicely - 212 to 5000 over 6 days, which is a doubling time of 32 hours. My GP tells me I'm definitely pregnant, and I have booked in with the midwife for when I am 9+6.

Can't actually believe it mind you...

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 14-Feb-13 11:54:02

Woo hoo! grin Fantastic! Sorry it's been such a roller coaster but what great news smile Just hang in there. You are pregnant. Fact.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Thu 14-Feb-13 16:06:30

Squeeeeeeee! Thats my extreme excitement noise! Huge massive congrats Dee! grin

Devilforasideboard Thu 14-Feb-13 19:22:59

Amazing news Delilah grin I still don't believe I'm pregnant and I'm being kicked as I type smile

How's everybody else doing? And how far along are we all? I'm 19+1 today. Off to consultant next week as some antibodies showed up in my blood test but they had to do a repeat to find out which antibodies they are. 20 week scan is next Friday so I'm now swinging between excitement and the usual scan fear.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 14-Feb-13 19:33:07

Oof I think I've over done it a bit today. Cleaned bathroom and then mopped kitchen and bathroom floors. Did a 20 length swim. Then DTD when DH got home! Bump feels hard and I'm quite achey down the bottom of my bump! Now sitting watching darts after dinner with my feet up.

Devil I know what you mean. Sometimes I get kicks and think Oh yes, I'm pregnant, aren't I? or sometimes I try to squeeze through small gaps and can't blush Can you believe I'm 30 weeks now?!

I was really nervous before my 20 week scan. I got loads of comments about what sex I'd prefer but all I could think/hope was that it was healthy. We had a really lovely midwife though who talked us through it all and showed us what we were looking at. It was totally amazing! I've been much more relaxed about the baby since.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 14-Feb-13 19:33:30

How are you feeling Strawberries?

delilahbelle Fri 15-Feb-13 14:02:37

More reddish spotting and AF cramps. Stressed and really hoping this isn't the end. I was so happy yesterday at the doctors, and now I'm terrified and stressed again.

sad

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Fri 15-Feb-13 14:51:07

Dee try not to panic, easier said than done i know. Thinking of you!

Faith dont over do it! Did you make a buggy decision BTW? Im SO much better in myself, fallen in love with DS this last two weeks! Still a bit overwhelmed by other aspects of life so docs has put me on ADs just to help my hormones level out. Feeling much more positive though!

Devils eek 20 week scan how exciting! Ours was rather fraught thanks to the sonographer, but the rescan was good! Ive already popped! DS2 is 8 weeks today, and weighed in at 12lb 6 despite only being 6lb 2 born - tubster!

My first month on metformin seems to have sorted out all of my issues... Period came straight away, weight loss is continuing..Im glad obviously but also a tad annoyed at the conception problems I had when it seems they could of been helped with one little pill!! Grr.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Fri 15-Feb-13 18:36:33

Oh delilah I hope this horrible stage settles down for you soon! Hang on to the fact that your bloods are good and the doctors were encouraging. Hopefully it's just the baby settling in.

Strawbs that's great news smile it's so lovely to hear you're falling in love with him!

In the end we chose the Babystyle Oyster with the red colour pack. It folds really small and is quite Squishy! I've been practising putting it up and down and putting the different attachments on smile

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 16-Feb-13 08:27:34

Ohh faith lovely, I love the oyster! Great Idea practising too as nothing worse than being confused whilst needing to get a shift on!smile

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 16-Feb-13 20:41:33

Yes I'm really happy with the choice (after a lot of faffing re decisions!). Got a good discount at Kiddicare too smile

I am feeling rubbish tonight sad Got my shifts muddled up, was meant to go into work for 7, thought I was in at 11.40! Cue call from work, me running in 50 minutes late and struggled to catch up. Now the evil FB has shown me that a colleague is having a birthday party and most of my colleagues are there confused I've only been with the team since October so relatively early days but always feels crappy not to be included!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sun 17-Feb-13 09:12:33

Ah faith I dont blame you that sounds hurtful to be excluded! I think some people just dont think!

The buggy is my favourite part to choose! I am a zombie this morning sad DS2 seems to think that 3.30-5ish he simply MUST sleep on me... Sweet but i cant sleep!! Then DS1 up at half 7... Zombie! PJ day for us, DP is on his last day of work (he works 4 on 4 off) so at least there will be help the next few days.. The house work can wait until then!

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 18-Feb-13 19:01:18

I am recovered from my Saturday woe. Today I am just oh so very tired. Only 24 shifts to work! smile

Delilah how are things?

delilahbelle Mon 18-Feb-13 19:14:10

Hi Faith
I was back in work today, it was absolutely knackering. Lucky you with only 24 more shifts!
Well, the spotting stopped, then started again - currently I have v v faintly brown tinged CM. It's been white, yellow, pink, red, brown, cream... a rainbow in my gusset <possible TMI> Never very heavy though. Worrying and scary.
My boobs are still hardly sore unless I poke them.
Loads of cramps as well, but none central, all in my lower back, ovaries, either side of my uterus, down into my legs, so I'm hoping these are positive.
Morning sickness really started today, retching when I brushed my teeth and I really struggled to eat breakfast. Hopefully a good sign. I felt sicky until lunchtime, and have to constantly nibble on ready salted crisps.
POAS again, and the test line came up before the control line was even there, and it seemed much the darkest so far.

So right now all I am really doing is waiting until my scan Friday afternoon, hoping I get some positive news then, and that I don't start with the heavy bleeding before then.

Stressful times.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 18-Feb-13 19:35:57

Scary as it is, there's some real positives in that post - particularly the fast line coming up and the nausea! Sickness was a double edged sword for me. Reassuring but really annoying! I found cutting out caffiene really helped minimise the sickness. Still can't face yoghurt now...only 4 long days til your scan.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Tue 19-Feb-13 19:55:54

Dee thinking of you, hope the day tick by quickly and uneventfully

delilahbelle Tue 19-Feb-13 19:57:30

More pinkish spotting, more nausea, some minor cramps, boobs marginally sore again.
Just wish I knew one way or the other what is going on, I keep bumping between hope and despair. In 3 days time I will have had my scan and will maybe have a clue what's going on.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Thu 21-Feb-13 08:19:53

How are things now Delilah?

I am shattered and a bit grumpy!

delilahbelle Thu 21-Feb-13 11:15:00

Very heavy bleeding and cramping.
Came on at work, so I had the most hideous drive home ever. Now cleaned up, dosed with painkillers and waiting for DH to arrive home.

Life sucks.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Thu 21-Feb-13 16:53:11

Oh deesad how unfair. Although as the eternal optimist would say there could still be some hope

Devilforasideboard Thu 21-Feb-13 18:47:31

Oh Delilah, huge hugs sad. I still have everything crossed for you though x

delilahbelle Fri 22-Feb-13 10:14:40

Still pregnant.

Bleed from a SCH, next to one of my TWINS.

Yup, 2 healthy pregnancies measuring bang on for dates, two heartbeats seen.

OMG.

delilahbelle Fri 22-Feb-13 10:16:19

Still worried, I feel sick and yucky but not very, have no real other symptoms. All the spotting has stopped though.

Lots more mentalling I expect.

shock

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Fri 22-Feb-13 14:49:35

Omg!!! Twins Dee!! How flipping fab!! Now go and lay down! grin So pleased for you!

HavingALittleFaithBaby Fri 22-Feb-13 15:29:18

Oh Dee that's fantastic! grin Two healthy babies?! Hoping and praying they hang on tight. I know it's still terrifying but hopefully it's given you some reassurance?

I am tired and struggling with work (just on my break). The demands are huge, the pressure is immense. I'm seriously questioning if I'll get to 35 weeks before I go off...4 weeks to go!

delilahbelle Fri 22-Feb-13 16:27:16

<Still in shock>

I know, and thanks for all your support. To be honest, with the location of the bleed I will be thrilled if I end up with one healthy baby - two would really be hitting the jackpot though.

I currently feel slightly sick and have random cramps, also a general feeling of tiredness and yuk. Luckily all I have to do is lie on the sofa whilst DH looks after me. All I want to eat is fruit, cut up into bite sized pieces.

Faith 4 more weeks is only 20 more days/get ups. You can do it!

Devilforasideboard Fri 22-Feb-13 16:37:28

Amazing news Delilah!

I'm just back from my scan and all is well smile smile

delilahbelle Fri 22-Feb-13 17:27:32

Well done Devil Have you a pink or a blue bump, or is it a surprise?

Devilforasideboard Fri 22-Feb-13 17:59:49

It's blue!! We were going to find out anyway but I spotted something between his legs right at the start and thought 'that didn't look like the cord' grin Have told our parents but not sure if we'll tell anyone else yet.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 23-Feb-13 11:06:13

Eeekk devils! I can say for sure boys are lovely grin

delilahbelle Sat 23-Feb-13 11:11:42

Devil boys are great. I (secretly) would love B/B twins, although DH wants one of each.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 23-Feb-13 11:26:54

It's so great to be hearing positive news smile

Congratulations on your blue baby devil! My sister was nervous about having a boy but he is awesome and very funny. Especially when he declares I'm a genius! grin

I am struggling with work now. Yesterday was awful sad thank goodness I've got the weekend off now!

delilahbelle Sun 24-Feb-13 13:34:28

<wails> I hate throwing up. I am either hungry, nauseous, vomiting or asleep.

I keep telling myself it's a good sign, but I am also still spotting brown ick. The only positive pregnancy symptom I've had so far is stronger nails..

<whinge, whine>

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 24-Feb-13 13:40:46

...and the vomiting?! My tips would be: suck on an ice lolly, I found it really settled my stomach before I ate, try to make sure you have plenty of protein. Look at the pattern to see if anything sets you off - caffiene made me sick but I could have decaf tea which helped. Mine eased off by about 9 weeks give or take (less frequent anyway). Don't forget with two babies your hormones will be in overdrive!

delilahbelle Sun 24-Feb-13 13:44:55

faith the vomiting is definitely a symptom but not positive. I feel bad whinging given how much this pregnancy is wanted, but I feel so rough. Dreading work tomorrow.

I'm already on the ice lollies. Sainsburies basics fruit flavour hit the spot perfectly. Weirdly it seems to be grapes making me chunder, despite being lovely to eat my stomach doesn't seem to like them. So far I can't eat chocolate, anything dairy except yogurt, and I can't stomach the thought of a brew

All worth it in the end I hope.

Devilforasideboard Sun 24-Feb-13 15:30:45

I just ate whatever I could. Lots of white bread, lemon sorbet, ice lollies etc smile I found tiredness made it worse as well.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 24-Feb-13 15:48:53

I found the sickness a double-edged sword - I rejoiced because I figured it indicated a sticky baby but it was a bit of a pain. Then as it eased I panicked that I wasn't being sick hmm

Today we have been washing the baby clothes I've bought (loads it seems!). It seems crazy that we will have the responsibility of an actual human being that will fit in these clothes?! I know it's on the early side at 31 (nearly 32) weeks but because I've got an irritable uterus and baby is head down, I'm prepared that there's a possibility baby might just come early!

delilahbelle Sun 24-Feb-13 16:06:07

Faith I can't quite believe I'll have a baby (or two) to look after at the end of this (hopefully) It just doesn't seem possible.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 24-Feb-13 16:11:21

I think after a certain point of TTC, I stopped imagining what it would be like to have a baby. I couldn't really get past the idea of a BFP! I didn't believe the first two anyway! Every step of pregnancy seems like a miracle after trying for so long. I stopped being too fatalistic after my 20 week scan when she said everything looked ok though - too much worrying doesn't achieve anything and just makes it harder.

It must be so strange for you dee with the bleeding to have seen two healthy heartbeats!

delilahbelle Sun 24-Feb-13 16:27:25

I still don't believe it Faith and am mentally preparing myself for a vanishing twin/ the bleeding the start up again / someone to tell me it's all a mistake and I'm not actually pregnant.

I'm still taking it day by day, and looking forward to the 12 week scan.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 24-Feb-13 16:30:29

After everything you've gone through both with this pregnancy and previous treatments, that's not surprising! Do you have a date for your scan yet?

delilahbelle Sun 24-Feb-13 16:39:20

4th April - it seems an age away! I'm wondering if I can persuade DH we need a private scan at 8/9 weeks or so.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 24-Feb-13 17:17:12

Argh MN has eaten my reply twice! Here it is:

I would consider a scan at about 8 weeks. It's already encouraging that your first scan showed the right size sacs and heart beats! A heartbeat at 8 weeks on a scan gives a 95% liklihood of a successful pregnancy.

Tiny baby clothes are now dry and put away in the nursery smile I have arranged some pre-natal classes with a local midwife now. It will help I think. (We couldn't fit the 8 weeks of NCT classes round my shifts and there aren't any other group options).

Devilforasideboard Mon 25-Feb-13 16:13:01

I'd second Faith's advice on the scan. I got one at 7 weeks and one at 9 as standard after IVF and it made a huge difference psychologically.

I'm so thrilled about my little guy smile It took a bit of getting used to as I really thought it was a girl for some reason. I can't wait to meet him now and have bought the cutest pyjamas for him from Mamas and Papas (sale on now!). I keep going to the wardrobe and staring at them and imagining him all snuggled up in them smile

delilahbelle Mon 25-Feb-13 23:11:43

Please see me post on conception, excellent egg buddies thread.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 26-Feb-13 08:49:13

Oh delilah sad what an impossible situation. I think it's ok to decide right now that you don't want to go through it again. It's not an irreversible decision but right now, you need to concentrate on recovering. Don't be afraid to ask for the drugs! Better to have them sooner rather than later. Have a <hug> too.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Tue 26-Feb-13 13:57:46

Oh Dee sad absolutely DH made the only decision he could. Im glad you are ok, and hope you have a speedy recovery x

delilahbelle Tue 26-Feb-13 14:22:46

It's just hit me, I've lost our twins.

I can't stop crying.

I hate my life. 4 IVFs and all I have to show for it are dead babies, scars, and a ruptured uterus. Apparently v rare in 1st trimester.

I'm only saying this on the Internet, and I'm not suicidal, but a small part of me wishes I hadn't come round from the op as life seems so bleak now.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 26-Feb-13 14:31:16

You're grieving for your loss Delilah. It's ok to feel like that. There's a difference between being suicidal and feeling like life has thrown you such a crap deal that you don't know how to carry on. Do tell your DH how you're feeling though, please. I wish I could give you a RL <hug>

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Tue 26-Feb-13 17:45:09

Oh Dee, please dont feel like you've lost them, they will always be remembered by you, so will always be. Life has dealt you a shitty hand, its not at all just. Im so sorry for your losses, it sounds empty and contrite, words on a screen I know, but truly a huge Hug to you x

Devilforasideboard Tue 26-Feb-13 20:50:39

Delilah Thinking of you and DH tonight and wishing you peace and strength for the days ahead xx

delilahbelle Tue 26-Feb-13 21:15:10

Thanks all. DH just gone home, I hope to get discharged tomorrow.

One thing I have learnt is that I have some amazing friends, and some who no longer deserve that title after their reactions.

I am in the short term going to focus on getting well.
In the medium term on building a few happy memories with trips and experiences with DH, friends and family.
And in the long term assess whether we continue to try and bring children into our life and how.

But until I'm better it's the basics of good food, sleep and recovering.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Wed 27-Feb-13 08:49:01

Hope you get home today dee, anyone who hasn't offered you support and any comfort they can is selfish at best and cruel at worst. Hope you get the support you need and deserve

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 02-Mar-13 09:43:36

How is everyone?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 02-Mar-13 09:54:48

Hey strawbs!

I'm on antibiotics for a UTI. Have been having bad Braxton hicks for a couple of weeks, continually getting worse to the point that it was basically whenever I walked for more than 30 seconds! Got a positive urine dip at work so waddled to GP and got antibiotics. Wasn't sure they were working until yesterday (day 4 of the course!) but suddenly feeling much better! Only 3 weeks left to work. Have dreamt twice that I've had the baby early! I think it's my brain's way of preparing me....

How are you strawbs?

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 02-Mar-13 18:04:01

Oh faith not good glad A.B's have started to kick in! Eek for dream, and super hooray for the fast approach of maternity leave!

Im ok thanks, my sertaline has kicked in majorly thank goodness and has made me realise that I was probably depressed for some time... Im definitely happier less anxious and doing more for myself since taking them, sounds daft but I'm doing my make up everyday, taking care to buy clothes that fit (instead of baggy/old).

DS2 is ten weeks now, he is a joyous little thing, smiling and gurgling! (so much so that I've been prodding the idea of another... SIOB! Part of me wonders if thats just to see if metformin would make it "easy"?! They are working on my cycles at any rate!)

Im off to collect my wedding dress on weds eeek, its fast approaching! And im off to see Olly murs on Friday <Swoooon>

Got some shocking news last night though, went out with a friend I've known years & years for dinner and drinks, worked out it was the first time we've been out with the kids in two years! But I digress... She was telling me that her friend (who I've met once or twice) has had her son removed by SSsad! My friend was saying though that she didnt seem too bothered, and then Ironically she walked past all smiles and waves!! It gave me chills as well its just so wrong isnt it? Really makes me question my fertility issues and the fairness of the galaxy!

Have you got much left to buy?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 02-Mar-13 19:55:20

Nothing big left to buy. Moses basket mattress arrived yesterday so that's all set up now. We could do with more clothes I think but I'll pop out and buy more newborn stuff. I had assumed the baby would pop out late/be big but now I think it might be early I might buy some smaller stuff?

I'm so glad you're starting to feel better (and adore your DS!). I think it's quite normal to start to want another baby around 10-12 weeks after giving birth. I will be trying to resist that for a bit myself!

That's shocking about your friend's friend! I can't imagine being in that position but they never take that kind of decision lightly so maybe your friend is relaxed because she thinks its for the best? I actually really struggle with the galaxy/universe/God since our TTC woes. There's no fairness to it at all confused

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 02-Mar-13 20:14:36

Ahh glad you are all ready! Thats the lovely bit! I love the tiny clothes!

Yes its nice to be feeling better, DS (well both DS') are so lovely at the moment, so other than tiredness I cant complain! Although I'm entertaining the idea I dont really see that we will have another for 3-4 years if at all!

It is a horrid situation particularly as having heard the details the things that have been recorded are things that could easily have been misrepresented IYKWIM?

In unrelated news my neighbours have their TV so loud that I want to kick them... grin

HavingALittleFaithBaby Wed 27-Mar-13 20:26:08

Been about quiet here lately...

Well I'm 36 weeks now and finally on leave! On annual leave for next 4 weeks (unless Pickle pops out early!). Had a bit of a confused time because there is a big lump in my belly. Had to be scanned to check for breech presentation. Happily Pickle is actually head down and lump is bottom and legs! smile so I can hopefully proceed with a vaginally delivery as planned. Can't believe it's 6 weeks tops til I have our baby! shock

Devilforasideboard Fri 29-Mar-13 07:22:54

Oh Faith I'm so jealous of you being on leave! I'm counting down now to dropping to three days a week in May and finishing at the start of June (the way the dates have worked out I can use all of my year's annual leave before starting mat leave). Just as well as I'm absolutely knackered, mainly I think by the commute.

Bobble is doing well and kicking a LOT which is still mind-blowing to me - I still can't believe there's a person in there. I've got to have an ECG and see a cardiologist to check everything's ok with me but hopefully will get the go-ahead for a normal delivery as I'm really hoping to use the midwife-led unit.

Hope everybody's making the most of the Easter weekend. Obviously as I'm on leave I woke up at my usual time hmm but I've taken the laptop and some biscuits back to bed smile

HadALittleFaithBaby Mon 22-Apr-13 19:40:30

Hello all, I hope everyone is well?

I thought you'd like to know I've had my baby! Abigail Faith was born 14/4/13 at 7.22am weighing a tiny 5lb 4oz. She was 9 days early.

Birth story: I felt very low on Saturdsy afternoon and thought she'd engaged. At 6.30pm my waters broke (on the leather sofa fortunately!). I went to the hospital to be checked and they said it was early but not established labour. They said to come in for induction at 9am if things didn't move on in the night. Contractions started at 11pm. At 3.30 am I went in to find I was only 1cm dilated, they decided to do a sweep and induction to get things moving. I was meant to go the ante-natal ward to wait but I was in too much pain - they thought spasm from the pessary. I really was in pain so they gave me paracetamol and dihydrocodiene and I had my tens on. Suddenly I needed to push. They said it was too soon but when I said I really thought I might poo (TMI?!) they checked and I was fully dilated! So they said push! It was such a relief - I was worried I'd be experiencing those contraction pains for hours! The pushing part wasn't too bad, she was out with three contractions/pushes. I did get a tear which was stitched but is healing nicely. The time lapse from the pessary to baby was about 1 hour 50 minutes!

We did end up staying in for 5 days because with her low birth weight she took a while to feed efficiently. However she didn't lose much weight and she's now breast feeding well and back within 1/2oz of her birth weight smile

I won't lie, the first week was tough but she is just beautiful and I can't imagine life without her already!

Devilforasideboard Mon 22-Apr-13 19:56:35

Amazing news, congratulations Faith! grin grin

HadALittleFaithBaby Mon 22-Apr-13 21:30:10

Thanks grin

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