First up IWCAS, you are never alone or isolated - there are people on MN night and day if you want a chat, and so many opportunities once you've had the little one - mother and baby etc, which you can make sure you're part of.
If I, in my hopelessness, can be a half decent mother five times over, then I'm sure you'll be more than capable. You always seem like a lovely, caring, sensible person to me! {grin}

Sitting watching Children in Need with the DC here. The twins are moving quite a lot this evening, but they've been pretty quiet all day, so I'm glad of it!

Plaster cast well and truly off - DD's leg is all puckered underneath, and closely resembles what I imagine my stomach will look like once I've given birth!

I've ordered best of friends twins who have distinct personalities and will play together for hours on end without falling out from their second birthday. They will also potty train themselves at about four weeks and keep all their clothes immaculate. They will eat all foods and thank me for my effort after every meal. <Pixie reminds herself to dream on?!

Anyway, DD2 and DS want me to dance with them (although DD1 is hiding her face and saying, "Don't Mum, please.") so I'd better go and 'dance', although these days this just involves waving my bump in vague time with the music!

Good evening, ladies, I am just checking in and marking my place .

We had a power failure last night (2nd one in a week) and therefore no internet!! Today busy and loooooong day at work, dinner for DH and me is alsmost ready.

Read all your posts. Lots of stuff happening by the sounds of it and most of it good thankfully.

Anyway I am too knsckered to contribute anything meaningful.

Take care .

Thanks - Sariska that does help, I guess forget everyone worries first time. I've generally felt quite positive but felt panicky today.

Smac - I am having a moses basket next to my bed, if that doesn't work I'll get a co-sleeping cot but am trying to avoid the expense unless necessary. Am happy not to drink and am as sure as I can be that I won't smoke again...

Think starting NCT in Jan will help me feel less isolated, just hoping there's one other person there with a parent/friend, or at the very least a rubbish husband! Will be difficult for mom to stay with me, but I can stay at theirs if I need to. They're all in politics too so will be a difficult time.

Same for baby clubs and groups, somehow will just have to 'make' myself go out every day no matter how tired. Please Please Please let me pass my driving test before baby!

Think maybe I'm miserable as I'm feeling really sidelined at work and am starting to really resent my fresh out of uni employee who seems to think he can do my job and doesn't realise how crap I feel that everything I've worked for, all the benefits will go to other people and I won't get any recognition for all the long term planning and organisation I put in place. And I'm trying to remember that I just won't care by May. I feel a bit childish

Smac - I'm really glad you had a good debrief and feel more relaxed

ilove - cheers

Thanks for kind words, just one of those days I guess xx

anna Love the birth announcement although would likely take scissors to DH's bits if he tried the love making during labour...

I definitely wouldn't describe myself as a dab hander but, ICWAS, does it help to hear that I think a lot of what you are worried about are things that most first-time mothers worry about? And I'd also lay money on the fact that the fact that you're worrying about them suggests that, contrary to your fears about your "selfishness" / lack of motivation, you will be a good mother. Some of it will be instinct but a lot of it won't - and, like anything else, the skills and tricks you'll need to cope with your particular circumstances will take time to acquire.

The exhaustion thing... Well, yes, the tiredness that comes with a newborn is like no other tiredness. But it's great that you're thinking about that now! I didn't. It never occurred to me that I might spend night after night sitting on the sofa holding a baby who wouldn't let me put him down and struggling not to fall asleep myself whilst dimly but desperately wondering how I'd survive another day after almost no sleep. (DISCLAIMER: Not all newborns are like this.) But it's sure as hell at the front of my mind now - and I'm working out how I'll deal with it if the same situation arises again. You can work out a similar strategy too. What about a bedside cot that attaches to yours? Or co-sleeping? I know you are worried about falling asleep in bed with your baby but, as Smac says, there are ways of minimising any risk. Also, your mother lives close by, doesn't she? What you may find would help would be to have her (or someone else - have a rota, maybe?) come round each evening for a couple of hours. She can hold your baby while you rest/bath/eat. Same at the weekends. The big thing is SLEEP WHENEVER YOU CAN and whenever anyone gives you the chance. (Sorry for the caps - just wanted to emphasise the point.) I didn't - at least at first - and consequently got myself into a bigger mess than was perhaps necessary.

Breast feeding: no, it doesn't come naturally to everyone and not all hospitals have good support systems. However there might be a breastfeeding workshop near you where you can go for advice. It will also give you somewhere to go during the day. (That's another top tip that I didn't really follow last time: get out - preferably to meet people - every day. Doesn't really matter where: NCT mums' meet-up, baby classes, meet childless friends for lunch. Anywhere really.) Also, think about contacting LaLecheLeague. They're not to everyone's taste (no pun intended) but they have a lot of useful breastfeeding advice to offer - and a helpline. No reason why you couldn't call them in advance.

Oh, and of course you will be loved again. For a start, your baby will love you - not what you mean, I know - and I am sure that, in time, you will meet someone else much much lower down the f*ckwittage scale than your ex. Who knows, having a child may be a useful filter.

Smac, your debrief sounds good. It must have been a relief to talk it over with someone and to be able to come up with a plan for this time round. And very glad your dog turned up. We had a dog that was prone to running off: once he was collected from the police station (where I was asked to wait while he finished his supper FFS) and another time he was caught stealing sausages from someone's kitchen....

anna, do you mind if I duplicate your birth announcement? You've also convinced me that I need one of those Ikea highchairs. We also have a Chicco one (a well-meant present) and oh how I hate it! The crooks and the crevices where all manner of food can hide. Plus, it's ugly....

... do you really want "Gordon" and "Ramsay" in the same name?

love Ramsay btw

Hey IWCAS we were busy typing at the same time.
I think you should squeeze Gordon in there too - Ramsay Edwin Gordon sounds good !
Right I'm going to try and give you some reassurance. Although the FSIDs campaign strongly recommend that you don't fall asleep in bed together or on the sofa there are loads and loads of people who co-sleep with their infants and even those who don't intend to seem to do so at some point or another. My DH was/is dead against co-sleeping but I have to say that sometimes when I pulled DD into bed for a night feed I would dose off with her beside me. The important factors are if they are low birthweight, if you smoke and if you are taking drugs or been drinking and not fully 'with it'. Sometimes a baby will only settle with mummy close by and sometimes mummy is so exhausted that she does fall asleep. I wouldn't worry about it too much, especially at this stage.
As for lonelyness I recommend getting out and about and meeting other mums. I moved countries when I was pg with DD and had cabin fever when I was pg (stuck at home with no work and limited social contact) so when DD arrived I was out the door and off to meet people! My husband works long shifts so I need a structure to my week and things to do to fill the time when he wasn't home. My family were miles away and all my old friends were too. I have made one really good friend and a number of other 'mummy' friends through various groups. Once you start going to some things you hear about more things too. My local family centre has also been excellent and they have 'drop in' sessions every weekday morning. Monday is BF group which I went to and I found that great too.
If you are keen to breastfeed then please do try it and if you can't do it then ask for help. The mw at the hospital should help get you started, you get home visits from the mw and there are various phonelines you can call. You and baby both have to learn what you are doing. It is worth persisting (IMO as once you've got is sussed it is just so convenient) I introduced formula at 9m and it took me ages to get my head around it all, remembering all the things I needed to take with me etc at least your boobs are always with you and the milk is at the right temperature.

afternoon ladies.
I've calmed down since the dog disappearing act but it was really stressful at the time. I truly thought she would have got squashed as she was close to a lot of busy roads.
My debrief yesterday was quite good. I originally was told that I would go over my notes with a mw but in the end it was the same consultant that I saw at my 12w scan. I didn't take to her then and felt the whole appointment was such a rush but yesterday she took the time to go through my notes and listen to my concerns and we have agreed to try for VBAC but we have a plan in place that I feel happy with. My notes were a bit sketchy from DD's birth and the doc that had written the vital parts is no longer part of the team - not sure what the full story behind that one is - however consultant feels there is no reason why I couldn't have a vaginal birth this time. I think I had too much gas and air last time and I also felt there was a huge gap between being told I was going to theatre and having the spinal and this was the worst bit as I'd been pushing and then was literally trying to keep the baby in! Anyway she's recommended an early epidural and no trial of instrumental delivery, any probs or concerns straight to theatre, no hanging around. Although it's not all clear what went wrong with DD's birth I feel more relaxed about the whole thing. I got an extra scan and she has plotted baby's size in my notes and baby is almost at the 75th percentile line so not a small one but not worryingly huge either although she did say that at 26w it was a bit early to get a good idea of final size. Next consultant appointment is at 38w - gulp!
annamama we have the same Ikea highchair. I did BLW and used that forum to find out more about it all and it came highly recommended there - so easy to clean and nice and upright.
I also love your birth announcement!
TLC you can wash baby clothes at any temp as far as I know. Best to use non bio and wash them all together but I soon gave that up and started mixed washes and moved to bio to get rid of nasty stains! Good to start with the best of intentions!
I know nothing about slings - they always seem to me to have so much fabric bunched up that I can't imagine that they are comfortable or easy to use. We had a loan of a Tomy front carrier which I found easy to use and DD was very comfortable in it. I used it for dog walking mostly and then progressed to a Bushbaby back carrier when she was 6 months old. I know there are lots of sling addicts about but I found the carriers suited my requirements (dog walking)and then used the buggy for town.
EmLouT some of the replies to your thread on IUGR were scary. I hope you are staying calm and getting the information and support you need.

Rebecca - thanks for heads up - mom daoes sainsbury's online shop so emailed her my order

Annamama - Going to adopt that for my birth plan! I've also ordered a quiet baby who enjoys reading and making cups of tea for mom but apparently you get what you're given...
And I love that highchair, my mom got one for my nephew last christmas so he could have dinner at the table with everyone. He should be in a grown up seat by the time I need one...

TLC - 25 weeks also, want to wash but feel I would end up doing it all again on maternity anyway, also love the 'new' smell and look of everything, not sure they will ever look like this again with my laundry skills

Thanks for comments about name, Ramsay is a Scottish first name (my family Scottish) and my grandma's maiden name, Edwin is my grandad. Would love to call him for my grandads family name as we're all girls now, but it is Gordon and as we all work for Labour would be pretty sad

A bit jittery today, can some of you dab handers give me some reassurance?

I already feel completely exhausted and am quite worried about how much worse this is going to get with baby. I'm scared of something going wrong and was wondering how you avoid falling asleep with them in bed/on the sofa when you're so tired?

Although I want to take it easy first couple of weeks I am starting to be worried about feeling isolated and not being able to cope. For the first time I'm starting to doubt my ability to go it alone. Although I spend a lot of time alone, I'm not very organised and find it hard to motivate myself sometimes. I worry that maternal instincts won't overide my laziness/selfishness enough...

Prior to mumsnet I also thought that breastfeeding was dead easy and for a lot of people this doesn't seem to be the case. There will be days when I don't have a shoulder to cry on. I think the days will feel very long when it's just me and a baby.

Don't really feel I can talk to anyone and say 'oh my god what am I DOING??' as I chose to have this baby knowing full well the circumstances. And I DO want him, very very much. I worry that I won't be as good as I need to be and that he won't be happy.

I worry that I won't be able to support us

I have years and years of failed relationships behind me and worry that no-one will love me again.

and I worry how I will keep my identity without my career.

sorry, today everything feels harder.

Morning ladies

Annamamma LOVE your birth announcement . Wouldn't that be lovely [sigh]

Arcadie sorry to hear you're so knackered! Are you planning on having your two older DC share a room once DC3 arrives? Interesting what you say about ER type birth stories, as I've been similar (which probably made my panic worse ) but the labour ward and maternity day unit were so very...calm...and quiet...not at all what I was expecting!

Rebecca thanks for the Sainsbury's heads up and the endo info. I don't have endo (I had IVF to conceive, so had some pretty extensive tests to rule things out) and this was the first bleed of the pregnancy. Glad you have an explanation for yours though - must have been pretty terrifying at times!

Manda It must have been so terrifying for you when you had that bleed a couple of weeks ago, though the 24 hour monitoring is such a good idea. My placenta is posterior high so the official explanation seems to be "have no idea what caused it" . I'm now too chicken for any lovin' with DH for the time being, as don't want to do anything that might trigger another one! Poor old DH

Smac hope your de-brief went well. It's a really good idea to clear the air, so to speak, about your first birth well before DC2 comes along . And so glad your dog showed up - must have been so worrying!

Pixie glad to hear DD2 will be off crutches by Christmas - yay!

Heckle hope the lurgy clears up soon - must be awful to be sick and self-employed.

IWCAS I love your name choice - unusual but quite noble sounding (and I also like Ramsay Macdonald, so I actually thought of it more of a first name than a surname...which is funny as I'm also not a fan of surnames as first names, since Irish-Americans have turned so many Irish surnames into first names - Ryan, Brady, Brennan etc). On the old-fashioned names front, we're thinking of Walter as a middle name for a son, after my DH's grandad, who passed away when he was a teenager. In fact, we're thinking Margery as a middle name for a daughter as my DH's grandmother (marge) is my favourite person is family (after my DH of course!).

Pacific & Heckle another Niamh fan here - it works in the States too (I personally don't like Neve, but that's because where I'm from it's pronounced more Nee-ave rather than Neeve iykwim). It's also associated with fair hair (Niamh of the Golden Hair in Tir na nOg, one of my favourite Irish myths), which works for us as we're both fair haired. So it's definitely on our shortlist for girls names.

EmLouT glad you've taken some days off work. And glad that you're getting some advice/support on your IUGR thread too.

Mummyscrummy I'm also interested in slings and so far the Close sling has emerged as a contender - we've been given a baby bjorn, so my DH wants to use that but I've a hankering for a sling but reckon I'd be rubbish at anything I have to actually tie each time! There's a slings section on MN, where you can get some advice too.

Hope everyone else is well and having a good Friday

We had our first NCT class last night - it was great. In my ignorance, I didn't think it would be run by a midwife (was kind of expecting it to be run by a volunteer!) so was so glad to have such a fountain of knowledge on hand. We seem to have a nice bunch of people too, which is good. I was also able to fit in pregnancy yoga beforehand, and wasn't too knackered, which was good as I heart my pregnancy yoga teacher so much I'd be sad to have to give it up!

I've also brought my maternity leave start date forward to 5 Feb (from 12 Feb - my EDD is 2 Mar) as this week has brought home to me that it's OK to take a bit of time before the birth to just be (that sounds super cheesy but I've realised it's OK to have a bit of time to rest and relax and adjust from finishing work to becoming a mother).

So by the end of today I'll have 49 working days left (I need a count-down system a la IWCAS )