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2014 second (or third or fourth!) babies

(21 Posts)

Just wondering if anyone else was expecting a second baby this year?

I'm due in September so very early days but I'm finding that second time round my thoughts and worries are a bit different to first time. Mostly stressing about coping with a baby and a toddler!

I found the first 3 months with my newborn REALLY hard last time and am actually a bit dreading doing it again. Especially as I am currently exhausted.

The big difference is I know that the pregnancy exhaustion will abate in 2-3 months and DD is now 19 months and an absolute joy to be around (and she sleeps at last)

Anyone in the same boat and want to talk?

samandkat Wed 08-Jan-14 19:01:28

im on my second pregnancy and completely understand your worries I have a 2year and 7month old who is very slow on development and is about to be assessed for ADHD and autism im currently 22weeks and due in may (a month before ds third birthday)

I am currently trying to figure out how having a baby will change my family and how to balance everything but I think maybe that I might just take it a day at a time

you might find that your experience of coping with our first might be a benefit and you might find it easyer if it helps try training your self by getting up in the night go down stairs have a cupper then go back to bed so your body is used to the routine of getting up in the night

Your situation sounds even trickier than mine!

My body seems to be getting in practice all on it's own, waking around 5 am at the moment!

Metalhead Thu 09-Jan-14 09:37:11

Hi OP, I'm also due with my second in September! I have DD who is 3.6, so she'll just be starting school when the new baby arrives.

I'm actually just as paranoid about things going wrong than with my first pregnancy, if not more so. I think it's because it took much longer to conceive this time (though still only 6 months) and because I got pregnant on a really weird long cycle, so am worried that might somehow have affected the quality of the egg or my lining.

I had PND last time and really struggled for the whole of DD's first year, so I too am dreading going through the early stages again! And I just can't cope with sleep deprivation at all...

Tea1Sugar Thu 09-Jan-14 10:21:17

Hiya, I'm 25 weeks with dd2 due in April. Dd1 will be 3y11months when this one arrives. She goes to nursery every morning so that'll be my "respite" time until she starts reception in September. I'm drained already! Dd1 is such a lovely little girl, my best little pal, I'm so nervous about her feeling put out and indeed me not coping with two young daughters but everyone keeps telling me it'll all come back. I've booked onto an NCT refresher course so hope that'll help me prepare and meet other second time mums locally. Eek! Very excited to meet baby but crap I'm scared!!

Oh god Metalhead I just found it tough going - without any PND, I can understand you being worried about the second time round. PND strikes fear in my heart. Sorry, that's not sounding very helpful is it - I am meaning it sympathetically!

I agree Tea I really struggle to imagine giving another baby a share of my attention when DD has it all. I feel worried on both counts - pushing DD out AND not giving the same time to no2. I guess this is welcome to multiple parenthood!

My only worry with second is I am 3 years older so now 38. If the way the tiredness is hitting is anything to go by this pregnancy lark is a young womans game!

TheOnlySeven Thu 09-Jan-14 20:18:56

I'm expecting DC4 in September.

I had the same worries when I was expecting DC2, but I shouldn't have been concerned. Yes I don't have as much special time just me and DS but his life has been brightened by having DD1, now she's 2 they're the best of friends and it's so cute watching them chase each other around. Small age gap between the DDs (17 months) but DD1 loves DD2 to bits and wasn't at all jealous, if anything she thought she was her baby and got jealous because she wanted to be the one to cuddle DD2.

Also want to say that the birth was so much better the subsequent times, much more relaxed knowing what to expect, and knowing my body could do it!

Hello Theonyseven!

Thanks for the reassurance. I see what you mean about the DC being friends. It is partly why we decided on a second - a sibling for DD (I am an only child and DP is one of 4 so he had quite strong views on the benefits of siblings!).

The birth thing is a bit more complicated. My body couldn't do it first time round. Failed induction and EMCS which was all pretty horrible and something I am dreading. I have at least read they won't try to induce again due to rupturing of the scar, so hopefully if I don't go into labour by wk 42 it will be just a ELCS to contend with. I am definitely planning on a late september birth though, I wasted 4 weeks of mat leave waiting last time and was tearing my hair out by the end!

I guess by number 4 it feels like a pretty routine thing!

TheOnlySeven Fri 10-Jan-14 10:31:16

Yes, especially as they all came around the same time. 35+5, 35+6 then 35+4. Needless to say I'm not expecting to get to 40 weeks!

That's more regularly than the buses round here!

I know it's not ideal to be so early but part of me envies you - that's 6 weeks less of being pregnant! as long as the babies are healthy that sounds a good deal to me!

Metalhead Fri 10-Jan-14 17:13:32

ThinkAboutIt the thought of actually having to give birth again also fills me with dread! I'm blanking it out still at the moment so as not to get even more stressed out...

My story is different to yours in that I had a "textbook" natural delivery without any drugs, but still store quite badly and had to go to hospital afterwards for surgery. I can still remember the pain of tearing 3 years later!! There is no way I'm going through that again, so I think I will ask for a guaranteed epidural or ELCS this time round (if we get that far).

I have to say, not loving this being pregnant lark this time around. I am looking forward to the baby (or more accurately the 1 year old+) but the journey to get there is just looking tiresome.

I think last time there was novelty value and it was just me and DP and parents so I could relax / bore everyone stupid with baby talk / read up on stuff. This time it's like some small extra thing happening as well as a very busy life with a small child! It's just making me tired and I know it will be 9 months of being tired, not fitting anything and feeling like a heffer but not being able to do much about it, no relaxing glass of wine of an evening, then 6 months of breastfeeding on demand and sleeplessness.

On the flip side I know it will go pretty quickly and be worth it. But I'm only just starting to feel like I was getting my life back after the last time and I'm sick of wishing my life away.

I am just being a bit of a misery guts today, sorry.

Metalhead Mon 13-Jan-14 10:12:33

I know how you feel! It was one of the reasons we waited for so long until we decided to start ttc#2. I fell pregnant with DD about 2 months after we got married and with hindsight it felt like we didn't really have any time to enjoy being husband and wife and do the things we enjoy, like going out to nice bars and restaurants.

It does fell like taking a step back, but at least this time I know that in 2 or 3 years' time things will be back to how they are now, or thereabouts - with DD I thought I'd never be able to leave house again!

And I never enjoyed pregnancy the first time round either, so fully expecting to hate the next 9 months.

Hoping I will get my appointment for my early scan through this week as it still doesn't feel real that I'm actually pregnant!

TheOnlySeven Mon 13-Jan-14 10:26:27

That's actually the reason for having mine close together. I want to get the exhausting pregnancy and newborn stage out of the way. I was still having sleepless nights with DD1 when we conceived DD2, and now DD2 is still having night feeds. I figure I'm exhausted anyway so I'd rather just continue it rather than start sleeping well for it to be disturbed again.

I don't think it's ever easy. DP and I have been together for 15 years and done the going out thing to death but I remember having DD as a tiny person I had been in a 100m radius of for 8 weeks straight and mourning the loss of my old life!

A scan does seal the deal doesn't it! The lack of reality makes not having a second coffee or glass of wine even harder.

Metalhead Mon 13-Jan-14 10:57:18

I can see the logic behind having DC close together TheOnly, but I just couldn't have done it, it would definitely have pushed me over the edge! My SIL has an 18 month gap between her two and I remember thinking when she told us, there is no way in hell I could have another baby now (my DD is only 3 months younger than her first).

I also could never have done it that fast. Although I will only have 27 months between them I think that 10 months is the minimum I could survive.

I went back to work at 8 months with a DD who still had never slept more than 3 hours at a stretch. We had feeds at 10pm, 1am and 5am, taking 45 mins each!

I was running meetings and seeing stars. It really wasn't healthy!

Metalhead Thu 16-Jan-14 20:20:29

How is everyone today? I've had a rubbish day, felt really awful. I've got a bit of a cold, and DD woke up really early which meant I've been even more knackered than usual. Also didn't help with the nausea...

Have to admit that poor DD had to entertain herself for most of the day (or be entertained by the TV or iPad). Managed to do some colouring and go for a quick walk to the park, but that was about it.

turnwest Fri 17-Jan-14 09:19:23

Hi everyone. Can I join you? This is my third baby, due in July, I ve got a 6 yr old and a fifteen month old. I m a bit down at the moment because I m starting to realise just how hard it's going to be especially as my husband is working away at the moment, so I ll be on my own with three children. I ll manage but I can't help worrying, seemedike a good idea at the time though.

imisssleepandwine Tue 28-Jan-14 20:50:00

OP thanks for starting this tread. My DD will be 4 when my new baby is born in Sept. I'm having the same worries as you, I didn't cope well with the tiredness, I suffered PND and only started to feel like myself again when DD reach 2 and half.

I am worried about coping especially as I have little support but I am also worried that I won't love this baby as much as my DD. Is anyone else feeling like that, or is it just me?

familyfortunes Tue 25-Feb-14 21:10:51

I'm due number 2 in Oct, ds will be 17 months, he was a great baby and slept through from about 8 weeks...just worrying how I'll cope with a very active 17 mo and newborn. Can't remember feeling soooo tired first time around...keep winding dh up that I think it's twins...now that would be exhausting grin

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