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Graduated Elderberries - Thread 8

(1000 Posts)
Cavort Sat 12-Oct-13 20:39:32

The over 30's expecting/just given birth to their first little bundle of joy. grin

Thread 8 already!!

Quodlibet Sat 12-Oct-13 20:54:25

Marking place.

Mother I agree you need to have words - he needs to take account of what you are/aren't physically able to do and step up accordingly.

I have regained my energy and got loads done today - put up a blind, tidied and hoovered, cooked dinner - DP is in such shock given how sofa-prone I have been recently he is asking where the real quod has gone..

janey1234 Sat 12-Oct-13 20:57:46

Marking place.

And off to bed. How my weekends have changed....

MotherOfCleo Sat 12-Oct-13 21:20:13

Glad you're feeling better quod! Sweet dreams Janey.

I'll try to have a word, he's just such a caveman at times!!

BelissimaLol Sat 12-Oct-13 22:20:49

Also marking place. Have had a manic day and still in the car waiting for dh to get a Chinese.
Baby fast asleep which is a plus at the moment!

MotherOfCleo Sat 12-Oct-13 22:30:28

Ohhh have some extra for me lol!!

I'm pissed of with my OH, I'm aware this is a theme, shall try not to bore but, as previously moaned about, he's never here but on the odd occasion he is, he keeps arguing with me about what I do with the baby. If you're not going to get involved in a practical way that's actually helpful, don't question my judgement!

Tonight's bickering was about why I shouldn't come up to bed at midnight and disturb her to feed her and should just leave her to wake up when she's hungry (which would no doubt be when I'd had about an hours sleep and would leave me feeling dog rough). Apparently, even though she's been in bed since 8pm if I leave her she'll just sleep right through hmm without a nappy change I suppose too. And it's all my fault she wakes up in the night because I'm 'teaching her to' because it would be much better to not feed our very underweight for her age child for 12 hours. I think it's a good job I'm the one with the breasts fucking idiot

Honestly, am I right to be annoyed or an I being sensitive because everything he does winds me up? He just talks to me like I'm a total idiot and he knows best about a child he never sees!

Cavort Sun 13-Oct-13 01:15:19

You are right to be annoyed Purple, maybe you should have plenty of expressed ready and agree that if he's confident Lucy won't wake up that he should do any required feeding if she does? I have a baby the same age who spends 12 hours per night in bed but wakes twice to feed so mine is also 'abnormal' wink

Well you've only yourself to blame Cavort, it's because you're teaching her to wake up by feeding her, terribly bad parenting doncha know wink

HazleNutt Sun 13-Oct-13 08:10:14

ah there you are. And purple of course it's massively annoying if people who don't know your baby start giving advice, especially the useless patronising kind.

Cavort Sun 13-Oct-13 08:15:59

Purple I would agree with what your OH is saying if she was waking every hour and you were feeding her, but at this age waking/feeding every 3-4 hours overnight is quite typical from what I can gather? Feeding twice in 12 hours overnight seems fine to me. I believe there is a school of thought that says night feeding keeps the baby's digestive system active and results in more frequent non-hunger wakings, whereas if you don't feed their digestion doesn't wake them so much. If I thought for a second that she was waking for attention rather than hunger I would stop feeding her, but every time she wakes up she is really hungry and has a good feed. If she is still feeding twice a night once she's on solids then I will probably start to actively try to drop a feed, but I think mothers of EBF babies say their babies generally slept better once they started having solids. I hope so!

BelissimaLol Sun 13-Oct-13 10:09:09

We also had a proper lesson from a friend saying we should be tougher regarding her sleeping routine and that having her downstairs until 10 is absurd. Maybe we're just the worst parents in the world.
Having said that, after a really busy day, we had a bit of fussing at around 10-1030 and she then fell asleep. I have her a feed at 6 and she just woke up!!!! That's 11 hours with one feed instigated by me. Whatever anyone says I am happy.
I think you need to have a proper chat purple. Like cav says I think a new baby puts a lot of strain in a relationship and you're not the only one struggling. So don't worry about the moaning grin

MotherOfCleo Sun 13-Oct-13 10:24:52

All these people who think they know best about other peoples kids obviously have perfect children and families themselves then? Each baby and situation is different and therefore each routine will be different. Surely its better to help out than to judge?? I dont know how I'll react if when I have people telling me what Im doing wrong with our baby....can see me getting rather grouchy.

I feel for you purple, yours sounds like he is pushing all your buttons on purpose to get a reaction? shock

In other news I SLEPT, I actually slept. Must have needed it, unfortunately a lot was on my right or my back as its my left hip and leg with the bad pgp but didnt even wake up to pee grin grin grin grin

Cavort Sun 13-Oct-13 10:53:40

Lol Elodie goes to bed in her cot in our room at around 7pm (time dictated by her, she can't keep her eyes open much later. Selfishly, I would rather she went to bed later and slept later, especially as we are about to lose an hour confused). We have a movement/breathing sensor and a decent baby monitor so I figure the few hours until we go to bed is fine and it's better to put her to sleep in the place we want her to stay for the whole night. I think it's whatever suits you though. If you want her downstairs with you then just ignore everyone else and just do it. Fantastic sleeping by Lara, I am very jealous! envy

Congrats on the sleep Mother! <round of applause>

Up until recently we were keeping her downstairs until we went to bed but we're putting her upstairs at about 8pm now and I have found that she seems to be sleeping better for it.

We haven't got a monitor (suppose I'd better get one) but I check on her frequently (pretty much every ad breaks, I see it as good exercise going up and down the stairs). Last night she slept from 8pm to midnight when I woke her up to change and feed her then through to 6.30am so despite what his lordship says, my way seems to be working just fine thank you very much.
As for him pushing my buttons, I think he's absolutely oblivious to it all, he's happy so has no concept of the fact I'm not and if I called him on criticising me he would say he was only trying to help.

BelissimaLol Sun 13-Oct-13 11:50:13

On other news got those hot pads cav recommended and managed to get 2oz todaygringrin
It's not enough still but another improvement so I'm pleased.
We should really start putting her upstairs but dh seems to relaxed about it and expects me to do it all and I'm too tired to face the drama!

HazleNutt Sun 13-Oct-13 12:27:20

Vic sleeps downstairs until we go to bed ourselves and as he is a good sleeper, I don't see a reason to change it. Each baby is different and just because something worked for one doesn't mean it will be right for another one.

janey1234 Sun 13-Oct-13 17:58:03

Miles too Hazle, sleeps well 7pm until 10pm, when we take him upstairs, wake him, feed him, then put him back down. But surely that's the point, all babies are different: you do what suits you yours.

MotherOfCleo Sun 13-Oct-13 19:19:52

Went for a tour of the hospital today, was very nice, big rooms, all ensuite. Only one birthing pool which is a real shame but I don't really have another option so FX it is free and I get to use it. Plus they have birth stools, mats, beenbags, birth balls etc in every room so there are options apart from the bed.

We did have a few issues finding it though, think we have it sorted now though. Feel much better now I know how we'll get their as that was the main thing worrying me.

On the sleeping conversation, bubs will probably sleep downstairs with us in the evening till we go up to bed, we are in the loft conversion so otherwise I'd be walking up and down stairs all evening. The nursery is the room at the top of the stairs though so once he is in their it will be easier I guess. smile

HazleNutt Sun 13-Oct-13 19:43:38

I'm not really sure when Viki (that's the Estonian nickname for Victors) will go to his own room. Certainly not before next year, but even then I don't know, it's so nice having him right next to me. More practical as well, I wake up when he is only slightly wriggling and can feed him before he wakes up. If I had to go to another room, I'm sure he'd be wide awake. Maybe when he is sleeping through most nights.

Well, I usually wake up when he's wriggling - this morning again he had only his head in his cot, rest of him crosswise on the big bed hmm Will put the 4th side up when we get back from Turkey.

BelissimaLol Sun 13-Oct-13 20:09:02

I digress a bit but hazle- what language do you use when speaking to Vic? Does your dh speak Estonian as well?? I'm trying my best to only use my language when speaking to Lara you know what that is from fb I hope as it's really important to me that she is able to speak it. But I find it very challenging sometimes especially when dh is sat right next to me!
Well the sleeping thing has gone to dh's head and he decided we need to sleep train our 11 week old angryangry. Luckily we managed to meet half way and she settled on my chest and I put her down in her cot 40 min ago and she's still there. He wanted her to self settle and get used to the cot in one night!!!
I'm also nowhere near ready being able to let her move out of our room. It will only happen when she stops feeding at night. Plus I also love having her next to meshock

HazleNutt Sun 13-Oct-13 20:42:53

No, DH doesn't speak Estonian and I don't speak much French yet. So each of us speaks to Viki in our respective native language. But I understand what you're saying - when we're both there, we switch to English so the other one can understand as well. Then again, I know many multi-lingual families over here and kids switch between 3-4 languages without any difficulties, so hopefully that will be the case for Vic as well.

Cavort Sun 13-Oct-13 20:42:59

Lol where does Lara usually sleep? She has always been in her basket or cot overnight, but Elodie used to nap on us in the day and I thought it would be a hard habit to break but it was actually much easier than I expected. She's still a bit hit and miss on the self settling and DH or I usually have to loiter around while she nods off but that is still progress for a baby who only 2 weeks ago used to have to be rocked and put down asleep.

I am keeping an open mind on when to move Elodie to her own room. Certainly not while she is BFing twice per night! People just keep telling me that we will 'just know' when the time is right.

Well I haven't got to worry about when to move Lucy into her own room yet because she hasn't got one grin

BelissimaLol Sun 13-Oct-13 21:08:42

During the day she naps in her rocking chair or on me- but needs to fall asleep on me before I put her anywhere. She has had the odd nap in her cot.
At night she goes in the basket and needs to be asleep before we put her down however will wake up and go back to sleep during the night.
This evening she did 45 min in cot and started crying. We then settled her and put her back in basket. I don't know if we're confusing her. This is all too complicated confused

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