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August 2013 Part 3 - Adventures in the second trimester!

(989 Posts)
FoofFighter Wed 06-Feb-13 17:46:22

DS is going to be just coming 3 when new baby arrives - we swapped our Maclaren for a Britax B Twin last year because they are so high up off the ground and he's a very tall child plus a chronic foot dragger so having something that had him way up in the air was v handy compared to lower down maclaren and I have to say I really like it. It converts into a twin by adding a toddler seat down below and you can buy the seats online for around £50 so going to wait and see. By then DS might not be keen on buggy at all so it might not be worth it, but at least we have the option or we can always fit a buggy board if he seems to prefer that (tho they do seem like a bit of a flipping pain to walk with!)

congrats on scan gary

cold getting wore, packing DS off to bed soon and then hot lemon and trashy tv time!!

*worse

Hi, just need some hand-holding....."D"H (I guess he is going to have to become STBXH) has left. I came out of hospital with ketones still up and consequently still very poorly. I am so, so scared, and full of tears. I have a thread about it, but no idea how to link it here.

Anyway, I am terrified now, mostly about the practical things like the house, money etc, especially as i am off work sick still and am likely going to have further hospital admissions. My DCs are being lovely, I am feeling like a piece of poo. I don't want to tell anyone in RL as that will make it even more real, iykwim.

Am about to send an email to a local lawyer, see if maybe I can get a home visit tomorrow. I don't want this to be happening

Waves, I've been following your other thread and am here to hold your MN hand thanks
You've been so strong through such a hard time and your STBXH has been a >>insert rude words of choice here<<. The fact your DCs are happy he's gone speaks volumes !!

You're allowed to feel all the things you're feeling but I know you can do this and it will be better without him xxx
I'm in Somerset, if you ever head to the mainland I'd happily meet you down in Cornwall if you need a brew and a RL chat. Please do try to open up to at least 1 RL friend you can trust tho, it's a lot to carry on your own honey
Here's a big un-mumsnetty >>>>>>hug<<<<<<< thanks

Sorry waves sad You need to prioritise your health and the health of your baby at the min, a home visit from a local solicitor who specialises in family law and separation is a good idea but while you're still in and out of hospital and in such a precarious physical state you really need to try your hardest not to let yourself get overwhelmed with it all. Hope you have a mum / sisters / good friends you can lean on when you feel like you're able to talk about it and who can help you with emotional support and also practical matters like looking after your DCs while you're off your feet. Best of luck thanks

RugBugs Thu 07-Feb-13 19:46:32

Waves I am usually very shit at hand-holding (years of being the strong independent one) but bloody hell you are going through the mill.
I'm a divorcee myself and even though it was me wanting to end the marriage I still grieved for the relationship (and my lost 20's). To have had the rug pulled from underneath you when you are at your most vulnerable and in need of a supporting partner is the worst kind of selfish act there is imo.

I agree with PFEs about telling some people in RL, it does become more real if you talk about it and let it become your reality. I didn't tell a soul for a few months that DH and I had split, I didn't think it was anybody else's business but the support I received from family, friends and colleagues really astounded me.

The practical things will fall into place, try not to worry about the short-term, it will be a transition period.
Fwiw my Dad's partner managed to keep her forever family home by taking in a lodger.

beckie90 Thu 07-Feb-13 19:54:18

waves here for hand holding so sorry your going through this dreadful time,so glad your dc's are there for you thanks chin up hun, were always here to talk and to show you some support xxx

LexiLoganberryBump Thu 07-Feb-13 21:02:43

waves I'm so sorry, hope you soon feel able to confide in someone in RL, like someone else said just focus on your health and your children. Hope your okthanks

blondecat Thu 07-Feb-13 21:08:06

Waves
I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. Take it one moment at a time. Breathe. Focus on getting better

The practical things will fall into place. There will be things you absolutely need to do but probably not immediately. I am sure RL ppl will be incredibly supportive too. You are in the UK right ? Better that than France for divorce law. Even outside of family and friends there are organizations that can help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You are going trough hell and very vulnerable and in my experience there is goodness in people and most will try and help

All things will pass and you will one day be able to look back at this and just shake your head at him.
Big hugs

Abilee90 Thu 07-Feb-13 21:50:25

Waves hun huge hug and hand hold. Just what you need what a a**h*le arghh. Males are clearly from mars! Why cant they be a support and not be a coward! Sorry makes me so mad. Least you have you dc's fluff him, tell him to fluff himself. You are clearly very strong and no matter what all us mummies are here for u xxx

Stopsittingonyoursister Thu 07-Feb-13 22:02:10

waves I have posted on your other thread, but second everything that has been said here. Big hugs. Stay strong. Vent all your need.

gary and mayan congrats on your scans! dave hope all went well with yours too.

I have had the same pram for both of my DCs and will be having same pram for this one too. It is a Mamas and Papas one, that comes with a lie flat pram that doubles as a carrycot, car seat that fixes to the wheels and best thing of all it is cream with a bright red spotty pattern! I love it. DS was just turning three when DD arrived, and DD will be just over three when this one arrives. We used the buggy board and reins with DS and I intend to do the same with DD this time. DS loved the buggy board, because he could stand and look into the pram, and the reins/wrist strap meant that he couldn't run on to the road. We also taught him at a fairly early stage that if he wasn't on the board he had to hold on to the side of the pram.

dave thank you for the advice on the real nappies. I am talking about nappies from nearly 6 years ago, I'm sure they've probably moved on since then!

I had a dream last night that I was married to the actor Anthony Head (the one from Buffy and the Nescafe Gold ads) and we were trying to work out a way to tell the waiting press. Very odd indeed!

beckie90 Thu 07-Feb-13 22:03:14

Just caught up on last night OBEM the lady who had the c-section her ds's are called same as both my ds's.

I think I have a water infection, can't stop weeing every 5 mins and have a weird heavy pressure down there...any ideas :/? Xxx

Yvonney Thu 07-Feb-13 22:07:32

Waves - so sorry to hear your news. I agree with the others, try confide in a close friend. Stay strong & healthy. We're all hear for you xxx thanks

Noodles80 Thu 07-Feb-13 23:49:35

Hi Ladies, have just been catching up on all the posts. Can't believe it is almost the second trimester already.

Waves - I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. As everyone is saying, don't be afraid to ask people for help. Those who love and care about you would, I'm sure, hate to think that you were struggling on without them being able to support you.

Gary & Mayan - Congrats on your scans.

I am having my scan on Monday! I've decided to go private, as despite being 11+4 now, the earliest booking appointment I could get for midwife was 26th Feb, and then scan after that! Partly my own fault as my work takes me away a lot, but I don't think I can wait until end of Feb to know that all is ok, and hopefully start telling people!

Feeling ok, but still super tired. The baby seems to like green apples, but not so keen on the smell of anything fried! Also developing an addiction to jelly sweets! I'm going to have no teeth left by August!

Mayanbob Fri 08-Feb-13 04:07:40

waves I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't add to what's been said on here. But look after yourself, you are number 1. Try and make sure you have RL support around you. thanks

Thanks everyone here for scan wishes.

I'm doing the insomnia internetting beccause i've been awake for an hour and am bored. Well, after eventful scan morning, DH went with MiL to hospital. Text updates started off with mini-stroke, developed to stroke and have somehow ended up with inoperable brain cancer.

I haven't spoken to anyone myself (norovirus outbreak, at hospital, one person allowed in) but from what DH says, it could be weeks, it could be months. He's in bits, what started off as the best day in his life to date has become the worst. I'm being the 'strong pragmatic one' which i'm just about managing, but so hard. Will post full thread in some other more relevant area, but I know it sounds selfish, but my rock has now crumbled and things are reversed. 'fortunately' I have experience of losing a parent to terminal illness (dad) and of having a mother critically ill in hospital (better at the moment), so I do know what he's going through. Agggh.

This should be for another thread elsewhere before it becomes a mega-essay.

In short. Bollocks. Might be around less for a while (unless the insomnnia keeps up... )

Good morning all!

waves hope you're feeling a little better today. thanks

Mayan I'm so sorry, it's must have been so bittersweet a day for you both sad

There is so much going on in everyone's lives it is putting my stresses into perspective. My thoughts are with all of you having a tough time thanksthanksthanks

Hope today's a better day.

Jollymummy2 Fri 08-Feb-13 07:56:04

Mayan, what an awful time for you and your family.
It puts my worries into perspective!

I have my scan today and am really nervous. After scan we will be able to tell the world, at the moment it's only family and close friends that know.

Big hugs to all suffering with pregnancy and non pregnancy dramas.

beckie90 Fri 08-Feb-13 08:02:48

Good luck with the scan today jolly

mayan sorry for the awful time you and your family are going through.

Oh yea noodles I forgot its nearly second trimester, last day of the first for me today.

Good luck of anyone else has scans today xxx

13+6

chocolatesolveseverything Fri 08-Feb-13 08:30:10

Waves - Thinking of you, I can't imagine how awful it must be to be treated like that at your most vulnerable time.

Mayan - So sorry to hear about your MiL, I hope you and your DH are able to support each other through this terrible time. My DH's uncle died in very similar circumstances - diagnosed with a stroke for a fortnight, and suddenly they found a brain tumour. He died weeks later in a hospice. The only comfort for family was that he didn't seem to be very uncomfortable, in pain, or distressed. The care he received from hospice staff was excellent. I hope whover is looking after your MiL is equally good.

My 15 week midwife appointment is later this morning. Looking forward to it.

RugBugs Fri 08-Feb-13 08:34:37

Good luck for today Jolly

Mayan your poor DH must be in bits. I hope you can get some clarity on the situation soon, the not knowing is difficult.
There are positive stories out there, we have a good friend living with brain tumours, he passed his driving test this week and is training to be a teacher.

Mayan - So sorry to hear that, v hard time for your family esp coming at a time when you're getting ready to welcome a new addition. Thinking of you all thanks

DS is miserable with cold today and i'm not much better. Both flopped in bed watching CBeebies counting hours til DH is able to get off work a bit early at 3 and come and look after us. Sniffle!! Oh well, there's a lot of it going round, and this is 2nd day for me so it'll be gone soon enough.

Jolly - Good luck today

waves - how you doing this morning?

beckie - hope you're feeling a bit better too? i know this is prob last thing you want to do but they do say to drink a lot of water to try and flush these things out. Also caught up on OBEM last night too!

Christelle2207 Fri 08-Feb-13 09:06:30

Sorry there is so much sadness on the thread at the mo. Mayan and waves I am thinking of you and your very difficult situations.
Waves I think you definitely need to confide in someone in RL. Sure the right person can be the rock of support that you need right now. Are your parents close?

mayan I know every situation is different but my aunt's partner had inoperable brain cancer and things looked vv bleak. Four years later it's being kept at bay and he's doing well - he just goes in for radiotherapy/chemo now and again. Also my mil had a stroke which scared the life out of us however she has recovered to be virtually just the way she was. Really hope there is hope for her.

We have our own (potential) misery this end. FiL is 82 and has been in poor health for many years. Anyway doc now thinks he has bowel cancer - tests on Monday should tell us. This isn't a massive surprise to any of us, but of course my dh is very down about it, yet refuses to talk about it with me properly until we know either way. He (FiL) is so down generally that whatever it is I would worry that he wouldn't have the strength to fight it, but he is so happy about potential new grandchild I'm just really hoping the thought of that will gee him on a bit and of course that he will be around to see meet him/her and (seems unlikely at the moment) see him/her grow up, at least a bit. So sad that my DH has this to worry about at a time which should be happy. He lost his grandmother last month too. Also worried about how best I can support him. Luckily his family is only half an hour away so he can go over there and support as needed. We're both suffering from stinking colds so it's the house of misery over here at the mo. :-(

Hurray for all the recent scans and best of luck to those with theirs today. x

RuckAndRoll Fri 08-Feb-13 09:16:59

so much sadness here at the moment. mayan and waves thinking of you both, you sound so strong.

I've barely slept a wink, have my scan this afternoon and I kept dreaming they couldn't find a baby and were laughing at me and I had never been.pregnant. hopefully it'll go better than that!

RugBugs Fri 08-Feb-13 09:32:07

Good luck with your scan later Ruck

The post was just delivered and a letter from the hospital. My hands were shaking as I opened the letter, only to find my 20 week scan appt. aaarghhhh!

beckie90 Fri 08-Feb-13 09:34:46

Thankyou littlemiss feeling ok today just weeing a lot.

ruck good luck for the scan smile

mayan I also agree with christelle my grandad had inoperable cancer, he got diagnosed in 2010 and he had been ill a while then, they gave him chemo etc and it did shrink some of the tumors. 3yrs on he still has regular checks and chemo and its not grown anymore as yet, so there saying all is good for now. So hopefully there is some hope for your MIL. Hope she's ok and you all have plenty of support. its a very worrying stressful time. Hugs thanks xxx

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