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May 2013 Third Thread.

(997 Posts)
SecretCervix Tue 16-Oct-12 09:47:10

Sorry for the not very imaginative title. Noticed old thread was full and couldn't find a new one.

SecretCervix Tue 16-Oct-12 09:48:59

Can someone do stats please, and in response to someone from old thread, think the nerves are worse cause of MC'ing last time. Keep having nightmares of going to the toilet and tissue coming away bloody, and keep imagining they going to scan me and tell me the baby died a few weeks ago, but I haven't bled and haven't really had any nasty pains so I am really assuming and hoping all is okay.

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 10:03:31

LittlePickleHead - DC2 - edd 1 May - South East London
10storeylovesong - DC1 - edd 1 May
Berri - DC2 - edd 2 May
ThePhantomPlopper - DC4 (eek) - EDD 2 May
Pinkand stripy DC1 EDD 2nd May
Thingiebob - DC2 - edd May 3
twirliedobbit - DC4 (argh!) - edd 4 May
Whyismymindblank - DC4 (argh! & eek!) edd 4 may
Twinklingelephant - DC1 - EDD 4th May.
Toffeesam - DC1- EDD 5th May
BadBuddha - DC2 edd 5 May
dowhat - DC3 - edd 6 May
SecretCervix- DC2- EDD 6 May
milkandribena DC1 EDD 7th Math
DizziDoll -DC3 - EDD 8 May
TerracottaPie - DC4 - EDD 8th May
Mwncigirl - DC2 - EDD 9 May - North Wales
Rhienne DC2 EDD 9th May
rachywhite83 DC1 - EDD 9th May
BeauticianNotMagician-Age 31-DC3-EDD 10 May South Leicestershire
Beaver33 - DC1 - edd 10 May, South London (but Scottish really)
PickleP DC1 EDD 11th May.
Ellypoo - DC2 - 12th May
Bionic77 - DC1 EDD 15th May
Booboomonster - DC3 EDD 16 May
Wilderumpus -DC2-EDD 17 May
Babygeek -DC1 EDD 17 May Derbyshire
FrenchLimeBlossom age 35 - DC2 -EDD 17 May Cheshire
Frankienoodles- DC1- EDD 18 May
maybeAMaybaby DC2 EDD 19 May
Vickles-DC4-EDD 20 May Gloucestershire
OneDayBaby-DC1-EDD 20 May
Jenpenod - DC1 - EDD 20 May
Hopeful92 - DC1 - EDD 20 May
MelCGox - DC1EDD 21 May
LittleBairn Aged 27 DC1 EDD 21 May central Scotland
RTChoke DC3 EDD 21 May
Peardrop DC1 - EDD 21 May
Ktfrd DC2 EDD 22nd May
PedanticPanda DC2 EDD 22 May
EllieBuffalo - EDD 23rd May
CheerfulYank DC2- EDD 23rd May
MooLL DC2 EDD 23rd May
Cuppateaandagingersnap DC1 EDD 24th May Aberdeenshire
Lollypopscical EDD 24th May
Shelly81 age 31 DC3 EDD 24th May manchester
Bunnychan aged 28 DC1 EDD 24th May West Midlands
Thundercatsarego-DC1 - EDD 28 May
Ibelieveinpink EDD DC1 29th May
Kittykatskumkwat EDD DC1 29th May
Seven77 Age 26 DC3 EDD 30th May Suffolk coast
Frustratedsycamorepants DC2 EDD 3rd June

PedanticPanda Tue 16-Oct-12 10:14:40

Oh great, a shiney new thread smile, this is the message I tried to post on the last thread, incase it looks out of place here...

I'm 9 weeks tomorrow littlebairn (i keep thinking your nn is weebairn and have to always go back and double-check) you're a day ahead of me.

MooLL Tue 16-Oct-12 10:19:19

Morning all! I literally could close my eyes sitting at my desk today and fall into a deep sleep - I am exhausted! Following on from previous thread about telling friends I was in that situation a few years ago when all my Best Friends were on their second and I was still having no luck with number 1 after a MC. THey always did it via email for the very reason others have mentioned - it allowed me a little cry and my 'poor me' moment before being truely over the moon for them ... so I would definately advocate that route.

We have to tell my brother and sister in law which will be difficult - they have a DD (7) and have been trying for a number of years for number 2 (including multiple miscarridges) ... i know they will be over the moon that we are expecting number 2 - but I am also a realist and know it will also hurt - hence will break the news on the phone to my brother and let him tell my sister in law ...

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 10:42:28

holds secret's hand. AM JUST the same! Scan later, am dreading it. Actually don't want to go, but Dh really does.

thanks for the stats little! what a big thread we have, no wonder I struggle to remember who said what!

arf someone said their DH would be away for the 12 week scan - can you have a private one at all before he goes so you have both seen it?

I forgot my vits a few times too. I have to take my on a full stomach and some days I graze so am never properly 'full' and think I will take it later... and forget!

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 10:43:27

moo thanks for your input re: tellling people after mc, is helpful smile good luck with your SIL. is so hard isn't it.

SecretCervix Tue 16-Oct-12 10:58:58

My DP isn't able to come either as someone needs to stay at home with DD (16 months) as it says on my hospital letter that most hospitals do not allow children so we playing it safe. Can't ask anyone else as we not saying till after the scan!

Thank you for the hand holding wilderumpus smile

PedanticPanda Tue 16-Oct-12 11:23:41

You should bring her secretcervix, if you get there and the hospital are more relaxed about bringing children then your dh can be at the scan with you, but if they turn out not to allow children then your dh can take her for a walk until you're done.

DS will most probably be in school when we get our scan but we're going to get a private scan later so DS can come too.

Picklep Tue 16-Oct-12 11:36:53

secretcervix I've not had a mc before but am very worried about the 12 week scan and getting bad news. Have had no pains or red bleeding but my symptoms are relatively minor (tender boobs and tiredness) in comparison to the other ladies on here - which I know makes me lucky in one way but terribly anxious on the other. Fingers crossed for us.

Not had a great day today. Previously, I have enjoyed a great relationship (I'd even go so far as to say friendship) with my MIL. Then I got pregnant. This woman is driving me mad, she can fill me with fury with just a couple of words. I am so mad right now that I could fill an entire page of threads with expletives! I know everyone said you will get opinions about your pregnancy but I hadn't expected HER to shove her opinions down our throats. These are her crimes:

1. She is not happy that I am hoping/trying for a homebirth and brings it up as BAD idea all the time. Will not listen to what I am saying and will not even entertain the fact that times have changed and it's actually quite safe. But she knows better because she's had 4 children and I've had none - she pulls this card everytime to end the discussion.

2. She laughed when DH said he'd booked some antenatal classes and said 'Oh, you're not going are you????' , 'your dad never did'....'oh, it's ridiculous, these men getting involved in everything, it's the woman that has to give birth!'. I was so furious I had to leave the room and cry in the loo. I was shaking with rage.

3. She takes every opportunity to tell me she never told anyone until gone 15 weeks and she didn't show until her 3rd trimester and that these women that go on and on about their symptoms, need to just get on, women have been having babies for centuries!

The thing is I can not express enough how shocked I am - it just feels so out of character, we got on so well before, it’s like she is a different woman. I just want nothing to do with her at this point - will she get worse???? I can’t bear it. DH just says to ignore it, she’s old and set in her ways and that I should get used to ignoring opinions - use her as practice and toughen up. He seems to be able to let it wash over him but she’s making my blood boil!

Anyone else having issues with MIL?

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 11:39:59

grin panda wee bairn is fine by me I'm only 5"1.

DH wasn't that bothered about coming until a mate showed him a scan photo he'd saved on his phone. It's really peaked DH interest as well as amazed him that someone would keep the scan photo for years.

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 11:50:10

pickle She sounds like she is a right 'know it all' I would just stop her in her tracks and tell her she has already given her opinion and you don't wish to hear it again. If she doesn't shut up walk out of the room or put the phone down, making it clear your word is final.
From what I've heard on MN it's very common to have MIL and mother problems when your pregnant. It's almost like they become a mixture of jealous and über competitive.

my inlaws live about an 8 hour drive away now so we don't see much of them. My mil is lovely but my FIL angry seems to think he's still in charge of his sons lives and they should run all decisions by him and is often shocked that I a woman shock will stand up to him.
So while we don't have to deal with them daily when we do visit its usually for 2 weeks. God help him if he starts me off on our Christmas visit while I'm 22weeks pregnant...

on the whole I think it's my family that will have issue with how I intend to raise my family lots of "well our way was good enough for you..." Unfortunatly for them Im a right opinionated cow at the best of times. grin

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 11:50:14

little DH was completely nonplussed about babies and children etc until he had DS became the guy that shows everyone pics on his child on his iphone! So funny and lovely.

oh dear pickle! I think you are going to have to be Very Strong! Firstly, have a look at homebirth.org.uk - they have some easy-to-hand stats (or did when I was expecting DS three years ago!) re: HB and I would pull these out calmly whenever MIL went off on one (started crying). It really helped as it showed I wasn't being a twat and had actually made a reasonable decision (by 'calmly' I mean hiding my shaking-with-rage hands under the dinner table!). As goes symptoms and DH etc I think you might have to let it just wash over you and vent on here! It is really difficult, I really, really empathise with you. Everyone has an opinion on what you are doing/how you are coping, even if it just in a teeny, weeny, inky-dinky raised eyebrow. And your hormones make you super protective of your ideas and your family unit so really can take offense and get upset when before being pg you might have just thought 'silly cow'.

sorry it is affecting your relationship with MIL tho. Can you DH just tell her to take it down a notch or two perhaps? MY DH told MIL outright to stop worrying, that everything was different now and we would love questions and even a debate but not negative, one-sided opinions. I thought he was a bit harsh but it did the job!

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 11:52:20

sorry, should have edited that post. I can't type, my brain is mashed!

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 12:03:54

wild oh trust me DH is gonna be the annoying camera dad, he had THOUSANDS of photos of his 3 cats when they were kittens...then I moved in and the cats moved on. blush

Just remembered the last time we visited at Christmas (3 years ago) FIL started an argument with me on midwives and HB at 8am on Christmas morning! Wait till he hears that I'm planning one!

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 12:23:11

hehe! HB wars! I hope I don't make my MIL cry again when I tell her we shall be having another one!

we will be moving house in Jan, is going to be really weird because I will have to look around the houses thinking 'do I want to have my baby here?!' Ah yes, I shall have them in that corner!

beaver33 Tue 16-Oct-12 12:25:56

checking in to shiny new thread...wowzers we can talk, ladies, huh?

little I too have been feeling really guilty about missing multivits, also because of bad MS. The idea of knocking one back made me feel so physically ill - as did eating or drinking anything at all - that I just couldn't handle it. Someone told me that baby needs so little from us at the moment that, assuming we ate well beforehand, it would draw on our reserves. I think that sounds feasible, so don't fret too much.

After taking my anti-nausea pills I feel like a different person. I know a lot of people don't like the idea of taking drugs while pregnant (and I used to agree with them) but I couldn't go on not eating and not drinking and feeling so damn awful. Not good for me or the bub.

Ate an entire plate of pasta with veggie meatballs in a spicy tomato sauce last night - which I even managed to cook without retching!

And I've managed to come back to work. So things are looking up. Love to all of you who're still struggling.

xxx

SecretCervix Tue 16-Oct-12 12:26:19

PickleP Tell your MIL to stop being so silly, my DP and his sister were both born at home and this was in 1988 and 1986 respectively, and they are both still here!

That was the eighties as well so imagine it must be 100 times safer these days.

Interestingly enough, it was their dad's fault both times, with his sister, midwife had come earlier in the day and said, no it will be probably tomorrow morning and off she went, MIL woke their dad up in the middle of the night to tell him the baby was coming NOW. No, he says, midwife said not till morning, lo and behold, about an hour later, his sister had arrived.

With DP it was a fast labour and I mean FAST, she started having pains so their dad took his brother and sister to their Nan's. He arrived back hours and hours later pissed, and with a bag of chips, and DP had already arrived.
(She went for a bath, pain intensified, went from 1-10 cm almost straight away, and delivered him in the bath! He was suddenly in a hurry after being just over 2 weeks late!)

10storeylovesong Tue 16-Oct-12 12:29:49

Uh oh pickle sounds like you're going to have to develop a very tough skin and hope it's just a pregnancy, not a child rearing, control thing.

Picklep Tue 16-Oct-12 12:33:25

Thanks ladies. She is a bloody know-it-all Littleb and your FIL sounds very like mine but luckily he keeps his opinions very quiet. I think you are right, I need to be strong, I don't want this relationship to go on like this. Just spoke to my friend who had similar situation and always said that she thought there would be a power-struggle when I got pregnant - that's exactly what it is, she's the matriarch and trying to exert her control, two alpha females. I am just not good at confrontation, but I am going to turn this rage into something useful and start to set firm boundaries and like you say I can simply say that we've heard her opinion we don't need it again. This is my family and I will do things how I see fit - just wasn't prepared for doing battle with her! thought she'd be a breeze.

Thanks wilde, the stats is a great idea. I think that's what really peeved me, she was treating me like I just thought 'hmmmm, homebirth sounds like a right laugh, let's give that a bash!'. She's known me for years, therefore she should know that I would have researched the hell out of this and decided it was the best for me.

I accept that it can make a mum nervous, and my mum was when I told her but listened to me and has come around, no doubt she is still worried but she accepts it's my decision and will support me and to be honest my mum will just worry anyway!

I think if the situation with MIL were to carry on and I wasn't able to get the situation under control then DH would definitely step in and tell his mum to take it down a notch. But I am normally very much in control so I think the shock of her behaviour and my hormones have taken me back a bit.

I envy you Littleb with your inlaws being far away - bliss! Mine are 15 mins drive! Which is even more reason I suppose to get these boundaries in place.

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 12:37:27

wild that's exactly what I did when we looked at this house! I remember noting that the Dining room faced the back garden and was very dark and calming at night and mentally planned that as birthing pool area. Plus that our bathroom would be big enough for me and one other should I want to go for a bath. I even remember looking around the garden thinking 'oh this is nice and private' should I need to pace in labour...

beaver that rings true, I ate well and healthy before pregnacy. I'm a lot less worried now I realise I can get folic acid from my cereal.
So glad your feeling better, definitely sounds like the pills were right for you espically if you couldn't even drink!

secret lol love that the dad thought the midwive could order the babies arrival.

LittleBairn Tue 16-Oct-12 12:40:26

pickle trust me you won't envy me a Christmas time stuck in the arse end of nowhere with them for 2 weeks!

Right while the MS is at bay I'm off to scrub this house spotless.

Picklep Tue 16-Oct-12 12:40:27

thanks secret and 10 that is my biggest worry , that this is it now, she'll be offering all sorts of child-rearing advice and I know that she will have lots to say about the my choices in that area- the co-sleeping for a start. This is why I think I have to get boundaries in place now OR move far far away!

Picklep Tue 16-Oct-12 12:44:04

and I said 'advice', it's not, it's her opinions ram-raided into you!

wilderumpus Tue 16-Oct-12 12:46:30

so glad you are better beaver. you have to be well so take those tabs!

little is weird (and fun) isn't it. I have always known I couldn't have a baby in this house. rooms too big and bright (!) and every suitable corner for the birthing pool is against the neighbour's wall. not very private. And also it has a weird vibe which put me off. my old house where I had DS was so warm and cosy and comforting, open fire etc. But this house... not so much.

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