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November 2012 - the ten week countdown

(1000 Posts)
StuntNun Tue 04-Sep-12 10:37:29
horseylady Wed 05-Sep-12 12:35:54

Shelly there is no room in there? He's just sat under my belly. If I do eat it sits so currently eating little and often. Change in tactics!! I'm looking forward to food going all the way!!

Work have been asking when I'm leaving, they are now panicking. Despite my offers of help/training etc no one has made the time and now it's reaching crisis point. A lot of staff are back from summer and so the shit is about to hit the fan!! Coupled with some rather high up staff going on long term sick (why take the job if you don't want pressure?!) it's not good.

I am trying to figure out work instructions on things I have limited knowledge on!! But it'll be fine!! I'll not be here soon to worry about it smile haha!!

Right I need to look at people's lists and somehow get them off Facebook, onto phone, onto works pc and printed....

StuntNun Wed 05-Sep-12 12:42:37

Brockle I'm going to try breastfeeding in a semi-reclined position with this baby as recommended by this website www.biologicalnurturing.com/index.html which looks like it might be easier on your back. I had a lot of problems breastfeeding my first two and I hope things are going to go better this time but I'll try anything to be able breastfeed easily this time round.

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Sep-12 12:46:37

I loved feeding lying down. Managed with DD2 but not with DD1. I think I was more relaxed with my second, and it helped with the section.

bluearya Wed 05-Sep-12 13:02:08

I feed DD lying down during night feeds, had her cot at the same level as my bed and took out one of the sides, so just had to slide her over smile It's so confy!

I am back from the physio, I am really impressed at the difference between now and when I saw then with SPD with DS2 5 yrs ago. I now have 2 support belts and crutches and an open invite to call any time I'm really struggling. smile
My pubic bone is sitting at 8 cm apart rather than the recommended 2-4. Ouch!

bluearya Wed 05-Sep-12 13:03:33

*fed

ShellyBobbs Wed 05-Sep-12 13:08:46

With regards to breastfeeding, just try anything and everything, I did it once with my baby in a sling walking around the Trafford Centre! When lying down and feeding I had to hold a towel over my other boob or else I would have drowned the baby with all the milk pumping out of my 'spare' boob. The only advise I would give is to make sure you give yourself plenty of time, and don't be hard on yourself, it may take some time. Remember, it's natures way of making sure we are resting so don't get frustrated about how much time you do spend feeding baby yourself (it feels like 23 hours out of 24), and if you just can't do it, then that's what a 24 hour Asda and formula milk is for grin

Oh yes, and please ignore all the know it alls that will tell you they tried it and you'll soon get sick of it, blah, blah, blah. Just lamp them one...

ShellyBobbs Wed 05-Sep-12 13:09:56

tits, ouch shock

That sounds painful tits but glad you are getting the help you need.

It's DP's day off today and he's going into town to get baby's name put on the back of his football kit.

horsey My work is exactly the same. They have suddenly realised how soon it is and everyone is getting really stressed over it. The woman who is covering for me starts the week I'm off and when I come back I'll only have three weeks with her which isn't nearly enough to teach someone with no experience. Not my problem though. They have known I was leaving for four months now and shouldn't have left it so late. I'm not getting stressed over it, my baby is too important.

CandyPop Wed 05-Sep-12 13:38:04

Hello all. I have been keeping up with last tread but haven't had a chance to post. There are some lovely looking bumps on facebook.

I'm 29+4 today..... 7 more weeks at work... Cant wait to finish. Painted nursery last weekend and dh in the midst of building the final piece of furniture. Washed all the new baby clothes .... Ah I can wait for baby to come now. Pregnancy has treated me well overall but can't wait to see my feet again!

I've nearly put on 2 stones so I'm thinking probably will be 2 1/2 by re time I pop. ARGHHH I got some stretchmarks on my lower belly. Thought I got away with it but obviously I just missed them as I couldn't see them. I do hope they will fade away sad

Brockle Wed 05-Sep-12 13:39:36

That website has given me a few ideas thanks stunt. I don't like lying on my side feeding very much but lying back seems quite obvious now! It was fine when the DS's grew a bit but first I had terrible rounded shoulders.

I loved breast feeding my two and its one of the things I am most looking forward to. That and having a little chest frog curled up on me again grin

tits that sounds horrible but the physio's are great aren't they? The type of pain I am getting (all at the back and base of my pelvis) would not have been classified as SPD when I had DS1 which is just stupid. Rest and use it as an excuse for DH to get you stuff. My DH is loving it..honestly..

The playbox for school is looking good. Complete with two lego stations, a couple of thomas trains, trans-gender lego people and some spiders (I don't know why we have to have lego spiders).

I was expecting the "get on with it, it's only x weeks" type treatment I got last time. They had full size models of bones and I got indepth explanations and she was gentle and sympathetic. It's nice to be able to say something positive! smile

As for breast feeding, I didn't with DS1 I was a bit scared and felt a bit funny about it, after 3 days I f having him I had an almost urge to do it but he wasn't interested by then. DS2 was latched on and fed like a dream about 5 mind after he was born, no pain, no discomfort or worry, I'm hoping for the same this time.

All ready for school starting tomorrow now after sending everyone on a last minute plimsole dash.
<yawn> I have an hour before the kids are home, dinner is Ham, poached egg and wedges with salad. So for now I'm going to sleep!

mcsquared Wed 05-Sep-12 14:13:18

Wow, the end is coming around quickly and the reality of a little baby kicking in. Hope things are going well for you all, particularly the early arrivals!

I must say I'm quite envious of those of you that seem so excited about your impending little ones. I wish I could feel that way.

Since my last post, I did manage to pick myself up a little and started to bond with my bump more.

This week hasn't been so good, though. We currently live with my in-laws and I'm finding it a lot harder to cope, particularly when I'm also trying to work through a lot of emotions about my pregnancy. They're nice enough people and well-meaning but I guess nobody realises what I'm going through and how their comments might affect me.

For example, I overhead a discussion between my MIL, BIL and husband about how she and BIL hate a baby name we really like and we're definitely not allowed to name our baby this. My husband told her that it was up to us and to basically stay out of it. This went on for a bit (which was upsetting enough, I don't like loud confrontations because they get my heart rate up and make me shaky) and eventually BIL said something along the lines of my husband being lucky to live here and having MIL because she's going to be the best help he can get for the baby.

I know what he meant and that it wasn't malicious and that he was trying to make my husband appreciate his mum more. However, in the state I was in, all I could think was, "what about me?" The baby has a mother to care for him and look after him, that's me. It made me feel like they all think I'm completely incapable of looking after my own child.

It also reminded me that my mum won't be here with me after the birth, which is something I guess I always thought would happen. The idea of being so vulnerable and having MIL around instead of my mum makes me a bit scared. My mum is really relaxed and has such a calming influence on me, whereas MIL is a worrier, so I can imagine it being quite a stressful environment of "don't do x, y, z, you might kill the baby".

It brought back all my emotions about not feeling ready for a child, things not being the way I'd imagined (us having our own place, financial stability) and I just shut the bedroom door and started crying. I was willing myself to miscarry and end it all. Unfortunately, my husband saw me crying and then insisted I talk to him about what was wrong. I couldn't tell him I didn't want our baby any more so didn't say anything.

I stayed late at work for the next couple of days just because I dreaded coming back here and hearing something else that might send me over the edge. I eventually talked to my husband last night about my feelings of not wanting the baby. I haven't mentioned that I've been upset by his family because a) it obviously wasn't directly malicious to me, b) who's to say I'd have not felt this way regardless and c) I don't want him to feel pressured to move out because of me. He was great and really reassuring and I felt a lot better knowing that he doesn't judge me for feeling this way.

I hope things will be different when the baby comes, as they often say it's normal to bond a bit later on. I'm trying my best to keep my spirits up. I'm subtly avoiding my in-laws at the moment, staying late at work, going straight to my room when I get in and missing dinner. I don't want to end up in any pregnancy-related discussions with my MIL because she always makes well-meaning comments that right now I just interpret as insulting my parenting ability.

E.g. when I was about 7 weeks pregnant, out of nowhere (we weren't even discussing feeding) she said, "mcsquared will be breastfeeding because I did that with all of my children and it is the best". I was planning on breastfeeding anyway, but what if I wasn't? It's a very intimate decision and I didn't feel she had the right to intrude in that way. My mum, on the other hand, only recently talked to me about feeding (well into my second trimester) and her first words were "have you thought about how you'll feed the baby?"

I also prefer my pregnancy advice to generally come from my mum because we have similar biology and my mum doesn't offer advice unless asked. My due date is the 12th and my MIL is insistent that the baby will come on the 6th because that's the date I had my last LMP in Feb and all of her children came on her LMP dates. She doesn't seem to appreciate that it's not her son's body carrying the baby. I was my mum's first baby, overdue, long labour and eventually an EMCS when I became distressed. I worry that if I follow suit and have an overdue baby that MIL won't really understand this might be normal for me and stress out about it, in turn stressing me out. It's just all these little comments add up and just when I feel that I'll cope and make a great mother, she'll say something to completely shatter my self-esteem, so I think avoidance for a while is best!

Ahh, I've just realised this is a really long post, sorry! Thank you to anyone who's stuck it out and read it and sorry for rambling for so long. I feel better writing it all out. My cousin has been desperate to throw me a baby shower (after missing the opportunity to throw me a hen night) and I'd been hesitant but finally agreed in the hope that being surrounded by lots of people excited about my baby would make me just as excited. I'm really looking forward to it and seeing my friends and family and I hope things get better.

Elizadoesdolittle Wed 05-Sep-12 14:30:43

9 weeks + 5 days for me, that's scary stuff! Am going to Marrakech next week with DH for 4 nights so really looking forward to that. DH has bought me a kindle so going to upload some books tonight and then do nothing on holiday but laze around reading. It will be all systems go when I get back. Need to get all baby stuff out of the loft and get nursery sorted plus it looks like we will be putting our house on the market so need to declutter and get the house in tip top shape. Bit dubious about doing the whole moving house thing at this stage but we are in no rush so will just take it slowly and see what happens. Have viewed 3 houses, all lovely but not quite right. Have such a small search area that it could be quite some time before something comes up that we like.
Have joined the fb group but not actually posted any pics yet. I'll get some bump pics loaded soon, I feel bad as haven't really taken any proper ones yet! I think I'm smaller at this stage than I was with DD but it's hard to tell. I do have a huge bump but I was massive first time round!

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Sep-12 14:33:10

mcsquared sorry you are feeling like that thanks. Is it possible for you to stay with your mum after the baby is born? I really feel for you living with your in-laws. That must be very hard at the best of times, let alone when pregnant and feeling low. Do you think you might be a bit depressed? Ante-natal depression is very misunderstood, and could possibly go some way to explaining how you feel. Do you feel you could talk to your GP or MW? It is very scary being pregnant with your first child, and we go through a multitude of different emotions. I had a traumatic delivery and hated/blamed the baby for a while. It did not take long for the bond and the love to come in though smile do take care!

Elizadoesdolittle Wed 05-Sep-12 14:37:39

Gosh mcsquared I just read your post. Really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. It must be so tough living with your mil. I love mine to bits but still wouldn't want to live with her. I'm afraid I don't really have any advice but your DH sounds like he is being really supportive. Please try not to worry about when your baby is here. Don't let your mil interfere. Take her "advice" on board, smile and then do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. Your mothering instincts will kick in and you'll know what's right. The old saying mummy knows best is so true and remember you are mummy, not her.

mcsquared I have no advice or wise words I'm afraid but just wanted to say, go easy on yourself and take each day as it comes. I'm glad your DP is supportive. Maybe mention to your mw how you're feeling?

eversomuch Wed 05-Sep-12 14:50:24

So sorry things are so rough right now, mcsquared . I can imagine living with the in-laws is difficult no matter how nice they are (I love mine to bits but their 10-day visits are about the closest to living together we'll ever get, I hope). Is the arrangement a long-term one, or do you plan to move out in the near future? Is that even an option? Have you spoken with your GP or a MW? Maybe having a professional to talk with about your feelings could be really helpful over the next few weeks as baby's arrival nears. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.

YellowWellies Wed 05-Sep-12 14:58:43

Oh mcsquared is there any reason your Mum can't be around? I lost my Mum when I was young so know that I am SOOO going to miss her support when the wee one arrives, so totally empathise if you're Mum's not around - but if she's still on this earth, and ideally in the country, perhaps you could visit her / stay with her after the birth if that's feasible, especially for the first fortnight when you feel really vulnerable before you move back home to MILs. You really don't need your confidence knocked then as you'll be physically very vulnerable, hormonal and trying to get routines in place and trust in your own abilities. You need to be around supportive folks for this precious time.

I love my MIL but would probably be homicidal if we lived together and would struggle to cope with her advice baby-wise (given she thinks breast feeding is 'disgusting' and that natural childbirth 'unnatural', go figure). My twin sister is going to be my immediate post birth support for a week - ten days (hurray!!!), then SIL (who again is more in line with my thinking but who didn't breast feed and who I know might not really be the encouragement I need in the first few weeks, especially if I struggle with BFing) and MIL is only allowed up after baby is at least 3 weeks old. I really want to get into something of a vague routine before she shows up with the Aptimil / just let them cry it out / 'in my day we did x' advice.

I would also second the advice on getting checked on antenatal depression (it's very common) but to me it rather sounds like your living conditions are the main cause. Are you saving for your own place? I know it sounds daft, but keep a spreadsheet or something marking off debts paid off and savings being built - during the darkest times of feeling trapped at your MILs it'll give you something to focus on and make you realise that you won't be there forever.

If it's any consolation, some days I feel that I have no clue about who is inside my belly.... my sister always had a strong feel for the emerging personality but I certainly don't at this stage! I love them but they are a vague concept. xxx

mcsquared Wed 05-Sep-12 15:19:57

Oh wow, thank you all for such lovely, supporting comments!

I did think about chatting to midwife at my last check-up, but they were running late and there were a few people waiting and I knew if I started, the floodgates would open, and I guess I didn't want to hold things up. Plus I've not really developed a close relationship with either of the midwives yet - I guess we have a more clinical relationship than personal!

ValiumQueen - I did think about taking baby down to my parents after my husband is back at work (and my mum is keen on this anyway because of cultural tradition). But, I know I'd feel awful to keep the baby away from my husband and steal those precious moments from him. He's going to be a great dad and deserves to spend as much time with the baby as me.

Eversomuch - it's hopefully just until we can build up enough of a deposit for our own place. The baby wasn't planned (though we were very happy when we first found out) and has coincided with me leaving my full time job for a part time one to enable me to move in with my husband. In addition, my FIL isn't too well at the moment and my husband does a lot around the house to make things easier for MIL and FIL, so although we could probably afford renting, I don't want to pressure my husband into that decision before he's ready (he'd probably agree if I asked).

YellowWellies - unfortunately there's no room for my mum to come and stay. I did think about getting her to come up, but it may get quite crowded and as it's not my home, I feel like my in-laws might feel it's a bit of an imposition.

My husband mentioned the other day about how his mum was quite lonely and isolated during her pregnancy with him and that she'd often spend her evenings crying (she'd moved country, husband at work) because she was scared. I felt so guilty feeling the way I do because I realise she's trying to help so I don't feel the way she did, but ironically it's making me feel worse because her involvement makes me feel incompetent.

Thank you all for talking to me about this, it's really helpful.

YellowWellies Wed 05-Sep-12 15:26:46

Given your MIL's unhappiness during her pregnancy - maybe it might be worth confiding in her directly? She might really appreciate it and it could be quite bonding? Also if her DH is sick it might give her something positive to focus on and she'd feel honoured at being confided in.

Maybe?

Good luck hon it'll all work out for the best.

ValiumQueen Wed 05-Sep-12 15:46:52

mcsquared when I was last at my midwife, the appointment was 1 hr 15 minutes late as there was a 'problem' of some sort with one of the mums-to-be. If anyone is that inconvenienced they can come back the next week. If you need to talk, then talk. Perhaps you could call and ask for a longer appt? Do not worry about other clients, just you and your baby.

I'm watching cheesy maternity ward programmes on living tv blush they have just delivered a baby at 24 weeks because the Mum had a bad infection in the womb, the little mite was the same size as the surgeons palm <sob> luckily after a stay in SCBU she is fine. It's mad to think our babies are already so much bigger.

mcsquared Wed 05-Sep-12 15:59:00

YellowWellies - that was a good way of looking at things and I'll definitely consider it. I'm terrible with confiding in people and it took me a while to open up to my husband who I love and trust, so I'm not sure I could with my MIL who I haven't developed a bond with yet. I also worry that she might then feel even more need to mother me. When I initially got pregnant and was scared, I cried and told her it was unplanned and she gave me a hug and said it would be OK and that I'd have her support. I wonder now whether that moment of weakness defined my pregnancy for her.

ValiumQueen - you're right. I'm not sure if it'll be the same midwives visiting post birth, but if it is, then it's probably worth them being aware of my situation because they could give valuable support.

mcsquared Wed 05-Sep-12 16:01:53

I'm just on Skype with my mum at the moment and I was joking that I'd make my husband change the "meaty" nappies (I'm vegetarian, he isn't and will be feeding baby meat).

MIL nearby and quite seriously said that we're going to be potty training from birth (because she did with all her kids) so nappies won't be an issue. Sigh. Now I'm an awful nappy user.

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