I think Dh is being a dick. Aibu?

(36 Posts)
Cluffyflump Mon 01-Sep-14 16:42:41

I'm ill.
Rotten bug that started as a cold, then a sick bug yesterday I couldn't move without throwing up and couldn't stay awake. I spent the whole of Sunday sleeping and vomiting envy
Now I'm a bit better today. Have kept some water and dry bread down but passed out earlier and having bouts of dizziness and sickness.
Dh had to go off to work and we have 2 smallish dcs at home (6&3) so I've had to look after them. I've basically slumped on sofa and crawled to the kitchen to get them junk food.
I asked Dh what time he could get home as I can't really do dinner and he went mental at me!
He has form for being arsey when I've been unwell before.
I think I've done very well today and if anything he should be being nice.

Twitterqueen Mon 01-Sep-14 16:45:10

He is being a dick.

sorry you're not feeling well. Even at 3 and 6 though, children do understand that 'Mummy is poorly ' and will try to behave. They won't mind to much as long as you're there - even if incapable of doing much.

Lilicat1013 Mon 01-Sep-14 16:47:23

He is being a dick, make sure he gets to clean up the sick when the children get it.
I hope you feel better soon.

MrsHathaway Mon 01-Sep-14 16:48:33

Get well soon. I have a 6 and a 3 and that's challenging when you are well.

He won't help. Give them Coco Pops and ice lollies for tea - they'll be fine - and go to bed when they do.

KneeQuestion Mon 01-Sep-14 16:48:59

He is a dick.

MagpieMama Mon 01-Sep-14 16:49:59

He's being a dick!

CromerSutra Mon 01-Sep-14 16:50:38

Yanbu he is being horrible. I hate to hear about partners who are nasty when the other is ill, it's so unkind. Hope you feel better soon darling xx

LineRunner Mon 01-Sep-14 16:51:03

My ExH was like this. To be ill is to be lazy, in his self centred world.

It's bloody awful. Sorry.

On a practical note, make toast. Or just given them juice and biscuits, or bread and milk.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 01-Sep-14 16:51:28

Unless he gets it and appreciates the severity of it, he doesn't sound likely to be sympathetic. It wasn't self inflicted and it's hardly a lovely day off so he's not being fair.

CromerSutra Mon 01-Sep-14 16:52:15

Oh my god! I did not mean to write "my darling"! Sorry, I was thinking of my dd while typing! Sorry!

DialsMavis Mon 01-Sep-14 16:53:32

Ex DP was vile when I was Ill (extremely infrequently, I am exceptionally stoic), why are they like this?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 01-Sep-14 16:54:11

What a dick. How utterly selfish and uncaring.

Vitalstatistix Mon 01-Sep-14 16:56:05

I think it's sad that you even have to ask if you are being unreasonable to think that your husband ought to care about you when you're ill and want to help you.

No, you are not being unreasonable.

AlpacaLypse Mon 01-Sep-14 16:58:56

Isn't there a bit in the BCP marriage service about In Sickness and in Health?

Definitely he's being an arse.

LineRunner Mon 01-Sep-14 16:59:15

DialsMavis, good question. Is it a control thing? Tied in with selfishness maybe.

My new(ish) OH is so sweet when I am unwell. I am still shock at his solicitations.

Cluffyflump Mon 01-Sep-14 17:01:46

I knew it!
I was half expecting everyone to tell me to woman up and ask if I wanted a medal for looking after my own dc I do.
I am so truly fed up with his attitude.
He phoned not long after I posted and said sorry.
I am still hacked off despite his apology. Yesterday I felt worried about being unwell because I could predict his reaction.
I can't understand it. I'm not some sort of hypochondriac, nor am I ill often.
Dc have been so lovely today so I have been lucky. Shame about their father angry

Cluffyflump Mon 01-Sep-14 17:05:44

CromerSutra,
I quite liked the 'darling' bit! <grabs any bit of kindness going> grin

seasavage Mon 01-Sep-14 17:05:53

He is being a dick.
Passing out is a worry. Are you improving?
Have you managed any fluids.

DialsMavis Mon 01-Sep-14 17:12:14

Control and seeing their partner as an appliance maybe, I get pissec off when my vacuum cleaner plays up mad doesn't serve me in the manner I expect it to. I hope ypu feel better soon Cluffy. The lovely DC will enjoy being fed crap for a day.

CromerSutra Mon 01-Sep-14 17:13:42

Ok then darling, take care and feel better soon! X

SanityClause Mon 01-Sep-14 17:20:12

Could you manage beans on toast for them?

I bet your 6yo could do most of that, themselves, with a bit of supervision.

That doesn't mean I don't think your H is being a dick. He is. And he should be rushing home to make them dinner, and to look after you. That would show he really meant his "sorry".

SocialMediaAddict Mon 01-Sep-14 17:23:12

Order them a pizza. Hope you feel better.

LumpySpacedPrincess Mon 01-Sep-14 17:23:30

I have what you have and feel your pain, last night was horrible. Dh had to work but has just got back and made me a nice cup of tea, he's also popping out to get tomato soup and crackers. He left for work at 4 this morning. Ex h used to react badly to me being ill.

The fact that you could have predicted this reaction hints that he isn't just having a bad day.

Sabrinnnnnnnna Mon 01-Sep-14 17:24:38

I had a similar thing last week, felt like I was at death's door.

Thankfully, dc are a little bit older, so were basically able to be feral for the day, helping themselves to (god knows what for) lunch etc. Dh left work early, sorted dinner ordered pizza for them, and cleaned up a bit. I was so, so grateful - but this really is/should be the norm when a partner is ill, isn't it?

YADNBU. Your dh is a dick. Hope you feel better soon.

Throw up in his favourite shoes. He deserves it.

XiCi Mon 01-Sep-14 17:33:54

Dick isn't a strong enough word for him. Why are you with someone like this? I really just don't understand why people put up with arsehole behaviour . Did you ask him why he was behaving like that? And is he coming back to help or did you basically get told to fuck off?
Hope you're feeling better soon, when you're feeling stronger I would let him know in no uncertain terms how out order he is

StackladysMorphicResonator Mon 01-Sep-14 17:34:17

Drink lots of brew and make him do everything as soon as he gets in the door - take yourself off to bed so he can't stomp about or ask you do 'just' do x or y.

Cluffyflump Mon 01-Sep-14 17:36:53

Ta CromerSutra!
Thank you for all the get well soons and I hope you feel better soon LumpySpacedPrincess.
Dh is on route with ready meals for dc. He would usually be back at 4.30ish.
I've kept some plain bread down but not having much luck with fluids. I can tell I'm dehydrated, I've suffered HG three times.
Fainting was scary and I was lucky to not do any real harm to myself as I was actually coming down the stairs at the time!

LumpySpacedPrincess Mon 01-Sep-14 18:01:40

Have you got some ginger tea, if you sip it really slowly that seems to stay down and help with the queasiness. Is he an ass about other stuff or only this? Make sure he knows that it's completely unacceptable behaviour.

Littlef00t Mon 01-Sep-14 18:14:30

Wow what an arse! I had this bug last week and DH was asking if he should take the day off work in a new job to help me look after dd 6mths. He worked from home in the end and started early so he could take over at 3.

Not saying your DH should do this, but he should be doing everything to make your life easier.

Sod's law he'll come down with it next, and expect to be waited on hand and foot while you're still recovering.

SWIMTHECHANNEL Mon 01-Sep-14 18:22:12

Look on the bright side: he's going to get it from you, and you can pop out for lunch with friends since he'll be on hand to look after the kids. If you can parent while ill, he can too.

limitedperiodonly Mon 01-Sep-14 18:31:00

You poor thing.

Of course he's being a dick. Not only because he's being horrible to you, but because he's stupid with his DC's health and his own. What kind of idiot wants someone who's been vomiting to make dinner?

I don't blame you for making the children food because that's your only option - but still.

I'm glad he's apologised, but I don't blame you for still being angry. In fact, I'm glad you are.

Passing out is bad and any sensible person would be worried about you and your children - are you sure you're ok?

Get well soon. A talk is in order when you feel better.

Sometimes people are harsh on illness in others because they fear their own frailty. That's not to excuse him at all. If that's his reasoning he's a deluded coward. We all get ill. Some of us very seriously. How we deal with it and how we deal with it in our partners is the measure of us.

It could happen to him tomorrow. It might even be festering inside him right now. You might decide to rethink that in sickness or in health bit of the marriage vows. Do tell him that.

It'll give him something to think about when he wakes up in a sweat at 4am grin

Anyway, have bread and tinned soup and sleep.

sashh Mon 01-Sep-14 18:44:27

I had an ex who reacted like this if I was ill. Of course if he was ill he couldn't be left alone.

If you can afford it book a baby sitter for tomorrow, even if it is just for an hour or two so you can have a nap.

Are you well enough to call a take away for the kids? Or have a neighbour who could come in and make toast or something?

XiCi Mon 01-Sep-14 19:20:04

Make sure you breathe all over him when he's asleep tonight smile

Cluffyflump Tue 02-Sep-14 11:51:17

I'm feeling tones better today smile
I haven't got any ginger tea LumpySpacedPrincess. I did have some bought for me when I was pg. along with those wrist bands, 10000 ginger biscuits and every other kind of anti sickness stuff. I remember completely losing it and threatening to cut contact (for life) with anyone who even suggested anything ginger or that pregnancy wasn't an illness! I think I may have been a tad unreasonable..

I am still resentful.
I'm not usually one to sulk or hold a grudge.

Dh was pretty crap in both pregnancies and whenever I'm unwell.
The 'in sickness and in health' part of our marriage vows has been playing on my mind.
I am quite sure he doesn't see me as an appliance, but whatever it is with him, it doesn't make me feel too optimistic.

AlpacaMyBags Tue 02-Sep-14 11:54:00

Glad you're feeling better. It's really tough looking after kids when you're ill. I hope you coughed on his food so he gets ill.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now