To get the police involved?

(63 Posts)
MagersfonteinLugg Sun 17-Aug-14 22:19:44

I will try to cut a long story short.
New family on the street, 2 boys age 11 low level bullying of my DS (6) on the park across the street. They broke our wall, and I took the trampoline down in the back garden because they kept throwing stones over the fence which ended up hitting my DS on the shoulder. Told the parents who made them apologise, but the little incidents kept happening (broken scooter, swearing at them, etc)
Last week one of the twins threw DS onto the ground and broke his collarbone. Spent all evening in A&E getting x-ray and assessment. He was given a sling to wear but no plaster cast obviously.
Informed the parents who promised to sort it and keep their boys away, but low level harrassment continued all week. Their main beef is that they don't believe he has a broken collar bone so call him a liar out on the park, etc.
Today they harrassed my DD and DN whilst they were picking blacberries and swore at them then they thre Dss scooter into the brook. This evening I heard them effing and blinding at DD again.
It takes a lot to rile me but I lost it and called the police who were very nice and told me I had done the right thing. They arranged to visit me on Tuesday.
DD was on the park so I went out to fetch her in. THEY were also there and started about DS again, how he was a liar and his collar bone was not broken and I was lying just to get them into trouble. I was calm and told them that we would see what the police thought about when they came to see me, then went inside with DD.
5 mins later I had a huge bodybuilding skinhead on my doorstep shouting abuse in my face and telling to stop f***ing overreacting. I explained this needed to be sorted as he had not done anything to stop the harrassment and he basically told me to F***k off, along with another member of his family who came along .
I just told him to leave and the police would sort it.
I was really upset and shaken, but I really don't think IABU to involve the police in the first place.
Was I?

thereturnofshoesy Sun 17-Aug-14 22:21:46

do ring the police
and keep a record of every thing they do.
I speak from experience(obviously not 999 unless you are in danger)

LineRunner Sun 17-Aug-14 22:22:50

No, you are not unreasonable to involve the Police. At all.

You need to give them all the medical evidence.

Funkytown Sun 17-Aug-14 22:23:11

no yanbu by calling the police but i think you are unreasonable allowing your child to play without supervision if you know he is being bullied/harassed by older children

fluffymouse Sun 17-Aug-14 22:23:18

Not at all unreasonable.

It's a pity these children have been so poorly raised from the sounds of it. They stand no chance.

Keep a log of everything that happens, gather all the evidence you can. I would consider installing CCTV as it sounds so severe.

When are the police visiting?

Aeroflotgirl Sun 17-Aug-14 22:24:16

oh my goodness, yes definitely the Police its harrassment and GBH. They sound like a charming bunch, the apple doesen't fall far from the tree I see.

fluffymouse Sun 17-Aug-14 22:24:37

I agree don't let ds out without an adult now too.

LemonBreeland Sun 17-Aug-14 22:25:37

YANBU at all. Make sureuyou tell the police about the threatening behaviour from the adults too.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 17-Aug-14 22:25:47

yes I was going to say that, dont let ds out unsupervised, and keep a log of everything.

Tinkerball Sun 17-Aug-14 22:25:57

No. We went through hell because of our neighbours 11 year old son bullying ours, eventually we had to move. We had no option but to get the Police involved, I would do it all again.

Tinkerball Sun 17-Aug-14 22:26:48

We logged everything with the Police, even when they didn't need to come out, it was all documented.

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Aug-14 22:28:37

You've tried leaving it to the parents and they've done fuck all, and now they've sent two tossers round to threaten you??

Tell the police every time something happens.

It might not be the lads fault that they're like that, but the adults need to be forced into keeping them under some sort of control.

Your poor DS, how is he? To have broken his collarbone on top of feeling intimidated every time he steps out of his front door is totally unacceptable, he needs protecting, and it sounds like you're definitely the one who's going to do that.

Keep calm, be persistent and do everything by the book flowers

maras2 Sun 17-Aug-14 22:29:06

You did the right thing.I hate this bullying.There's nothing worse than feeling intimidated in your own home.Hope you're not too shakey now.

Tinkerball Sun 17-Aug-14 22:29:12

I don't agree with that Funky, when it was happening to my DS ( who was a year younger) if I had stopped him going out to play he would have felt he was being "punished" for the bully's behaviour.

LadyLuck10 Sun 17-Aug-14 22:29:40

Yanbu hope your DS is ok.
They sound awful but what can you expect with parents like that.
Get the police involved, hopefully it gets sorted soon.

Funkytown Sun 17-Aug-14 22:34:34

tinkerball im not saying he can not go out but if it was me and my 6 year old child had his collar bone broken by two 11 year old children who have repeatedly harassed and bullied him i would not under no circumstances allow him out with out myself or my dp

TheReluctantCountess Sun 17-Aug-14 22:34:36

You've done the right thing. You shouldn't be intimidated like that, and your kids should be able to do things without feeling threatened.

Are they tenants? If so, it could be worth reporting to the landlord/HA.

MagersfonteinLugg Sun 17-Aug-14 22:36:25

The police are coming to see me on Tuesday.
I really don't want to stop DS or DD playing outside ( have even caught them intimidating DD on our driveway where she was sitting making loom bands). Told them to get off our property but they just moved onto the pavement and smirked so made DD come inside, so she feels like she is being punished.
Everyone I know says I should have called the police when it happened last week, but after the conversation with their dad, I hoped it would be sorted and didn;t want to make things worse.....loks like I have though.

ChasedByBees Sun 17-Aug-14 22:42:53

You haven't. They have. You've done the righ thing - your DS's collarbone was broken!

fluffymouse Sun 17-Aug-14 22:49:32

op no one is saying for you to stop your children playing outside, but from what you are saying they need an adult present with them for their own safety. It the parents are intimidating you too, it really doesn't bode well for what might happen.

I realize you don't want to hear this from us, so why not ask the police when they come round what they recommend re supervision out of the house?

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Aug-14 22:49:59

Try not to think like that, you haven't done anything, but then the problem is that they fucking haven't either (ie keeping their DC under control)

gamerchick Sun 17-Aug-14 22:53:36

No ring the police again and tell them of the latest. You'll have to log everything from now on.

You had people on the doorstep who made you scared.
That is police worthy.

wheresthelight Sun 17-Aug-14 22:57:02

I agree, you have now been threatened amd intimidated by a grown man. Call the cops and report again. If the thug is the example being set to these brats it's no wonder they are acting like total shits yo your kids.

MagersfonteinLugg Sun 17-Aug-14 22:59:08

I just find it really sad that I have to supervise them on the front of their own home. They have played outside perfectly well untill the last few months when this family moved in.
Their dad says he knows exactly what his boys are doing on the park, but from their house you can;t see the park. I seem to spend all my time these days either staring through the window at them to keep watch or taking them to a completely different park to play.
This gets to me as I don't see why MY DS has to travel to another park just to avoid THEIR kids and play in peace.
I just want them to stay away from my DCs, but if I have to I will press charges. Can I do that?

fluffymouse Sun 17-Aug-14 23:03:53

Op the situation is very sad.

Until the situation is resolved you need to do what's best for the safety of your children. Taking them to a further away park where they are safe sounds like a good solution.

The police decide whether to press charges. Talk to them and see what can be worked out.

MagersfonteinLugg Sun 17-Aug-14 23:04:13

I think it also makes it worse that DCs dad also thinks I am "overreacting". Is this just a male view or what? Am I just be over protective and should just let kids be kids as EXDH says?
Its okay for him, he doesn't have to wipe away the tears as he's not here.

Goldmandra Sun 17-Aug-14 23:10:15

I think it also makes it worse that DCs dad also thinks I am "overreacting". Is this just a male view or what?

His children are bullying your children and now he is trying to bully you. He knows you are not overreacting and he is using his size and aggression to try to intimidate you so that you will not involve the police.

Log everything, however small so that the police can tell him to back off or face the consequences.

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Aug-14 23:10:18

Your ex is a wanker too, which is why he's an ex at a guess?

You're not overreacting, is he really trying to pass off a child bullying and breaking his 6 YOs collarbone as kids being kids?

Does your DS know he thinks that little of him?

Shazam24 Sun 17-Aug-14 23:28:16

You are definetly not over reacting!

HauntedNoddyCar Sun 17-Aug-14 23:34:10

How does your ex think you should protect the dc from further harm?

MagersfonteinLugg Sun 17-Aug-14 23:41:38

He thinks I have just made things worse.
But I can't just sit back and wait till something else happens, can I?

ddubsgirl77 Mon 18-Aug-14 00:19:36

No you cant you have done the right thing! No wonder hes an ex if he thinks ok for a woman to be threatened in her own home! Pls pls report what happened to the police

Chiana Mon 18-Aug-14 04:26:24

Report. Report. Report. Log every incident, as others have said. And pay no attention to your XH. Do they rent or own?

Good luck.

Mumof3xox Mon 18-Aug-14 05:47:24

You are doing the right thing op

Keep reporting these people

As for your ex, why is he not more concerned that his sons collarbone was broken by a child nearly twice his age!

petalsandstars Mon 18-Aug-14 06:18:01

Ring 101 and tell them about the intimidation as well from the thugs.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 18-Aug-14 07:23:57

The collarbone and abusive adults tip this into police territory. Good luck sorting it out.

Eva50 Mon 18-Aug-14 07:47:33

You have done the right thing. You have to be seen to safeguard your little boy. That he has needed hospital treatment for a non accidental injury will be in his hospital records and if he has another incident or "accident" requiring hospital treatment or even something he metions at school you may get a call from a HV or school nurse. You have to document everything to cover yourself. I wouldn't let him play out of the garden unsupervised at the moment.

MagersfonteinLugg Mon 18-Aug-14 22:48:08

Well we have had a whole day of "intimidation" from the whole family which has left me feeling scared and very down.
I am considering asking the police to not contact the parents after all as the hassle from them can only get worse.

Goldmandra Mon 18-Aug-14 22:51:30

I think that telling the police to back off would be the worst thing you could do. It tells them that they can do whatever they like and get away with it.

Have you contacted them today about the intimidation?

Waltermittythesequel Mon 18-Aug-14 22:53:38

You have told them now so there's no point in worrying about it!

But you must see it through. Tell the police of the further intimidation. I'm sorry that you and your dc are going through this.

gamerchick Mon 18-Aug-14 22:54:52

It doesn't matter now they won't leave you alone if you drop it.

Tell The police everything and they'll get quite stern with them. Then everything after that, ring them up. Let the police do their jobs.

justmyview Mon 18-Aug-14 22:55:33

Poor you, that sounds grim. Are the horrible neighbours renting their house? If so, it may be worth reporting to the landlord. In Scotland, landlords have to register with their local authority. If they fail to address anti-social behaviour (eg by evicting the tenants) then it could make it harder to keep their landlord registration. This can give the landlord an incentive to take action. Is there something similar where you are?

itiswhatitiswhatitis Mon 18-Aug-14 22:57:16

You really must let the police deal with this otherwise it will continue and get worse.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 18-Aug-14 23:04:50

I think you need to phone the police about this threatening behaviour rather than just wait til Tuesday - though it's a bit late now.

The police may think you're not that scared unless you keep reporting these things at the time. You need to make sure that you're reporting things in the right way to get as much help as possible, these people sound like bullying thugs who will continue to bully if they think it's working.

HangingBasketCase Mon 18-Aug-14 23:10:14

I'd have rung the police again as soon as this moronic chav threatened you on your door step.

Do not let this scummy family get away with this.

Whereisegg Mon 18-Aug-14 23:10:47

Yy keep ringing 101!
Your poor ds and dd cake

Selks Mon 18-Aug-14 23:24:03

Unfortunately you have to see this through now. If you give up, the neighbours will know and will feel that they can do whatever they like - they will make your lives hell.
If they live in a council or housing association property do put in a complaint about them to the housing office. There is often quite a bit they can do.

MyLegIsHaunted Tue 19-Aug-14 03:29:22

You've done the right thing. Your poor little ds had his bone broken by these kids. Unacceptable.
Let the police handle it now, just keep reporting any more incidents to them.
I know what it's like to feel trapped in my own house by people like this so thanks

TheMaddHugger Tue 19-Aug-14 06:04:08

bullies only understand one fucking thing. That's someone that stands up to them.

Don't back down.

Bring the War.

* knowledge by experience.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 19-Aug-14 06:13:17

Witness intimidation is a crime in itself and is usually treated seriously. I don't think you should back down, try and stay strong!

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Tue 19-Aug-14 06:28:44

Don't give up op. Sorry you're going through this but you're doing the right thing

gimcrack Tue 19-Aug-14 07:10:36

Youc

gimcrack Tue 19-Aug-14 07:11:36

You can see where the kids get it from.

You're doing the right thing. Your poor DS and DD, it's not fair.

Icelollycraving Tue 19-Aug-14 07:28:12

Yanbu. Is there any chance it's rented or HA as they won't want hassley tenants.
Poor ds. Poor you,that must be really frightening. Ignore them (hard I know) & let the police know exactly what they've done. I suspect it's not the first time.

ChasedByBees Tue 19-Aug-14 07:44:06

Don't give up! Report this too. It's the only way it'll stop and you are protecting your children.

eddielizzard Tue 19-Aug-14 07:49:44

start writing every incident down. tell the police EVERYTHING.

to do nothing will not make them stop. you have to be heavy handed so they see you coming and they run the other way. seriously. you have to make it not worth their while. and if that means doing whatever the police say, do it.

and your dh needs his head examined. he's quite happy for his children's lives to be a misery? and you're overreacting even though you're a prisoner in your own home?

how about your dh take a day off and watch what happens?

PloddingDaily Tue 19-Aug-14 10:06:57

I'm sorry you're going through this, we've got some awful neighbours too & it can make you feel terrible. You did absolutely the right thing getting the police involved - people like this will just keep pushing until someone pushes back harder - which is what the police are for. It might also be worth checking whether your local council has an antisocial behaviour team, as they can work in partnership with the police.

Like pp's have said, log everything, report, report, report. The police gave us a ref number to quote when we called, so it was all linked. In the end we got cctv fitted, & after another flurry of abuse / aggression (which the cameras proved) the police were able to have some very blunt words with the horrible neighbours & things have quietened down. One last thing - If you think there may be any reason this could be a 'hate crime' mention that to the police too - it gives them more weight to use I think.

Best of luck & heartfelt sympathy - it's awful when you feel stuck living next to aggressive arseholes! Just remember they are the ones with the problem, not you! thanks & wine.

PedantMarina Thu 21-Aug-14 06:13:45

How did the visit with the police go? Please tell us you didn't cancel it?...

lunar1 Thu 21-Aug-14 06:20:31

I hope they have stopped the harassment. You can see where the children get their behaviour from.

Did these awful people buy the house or is there a landlord you can complain too letting them know the police are involved?
I'd call the Police each time they came round and tried to intimidate you.

Rosa Thu 21-Aug-14 07:55:32

Thing is they won't stop will they ? You pull out then you are seen as easy prey and the children will torment even more as the parents will have told them that you are weak.

bubalou Thu 21-Aug-14 07:56:06

What happened with the police op?

I think they sound horrendous and you did the right thing completely.

They sound like scum. Agree about what one poster said about login every sone thing in a notepad with date and time. Trust me from experience.

Also what another said about who owns their property - landlord, council etc - there will be someone you can complain to.

Dolly80 Thu 21-Aug-14 08:43:56

You've described constant intimidation of your children, your son being physically injured and now you being intimidated/threatened.

Do not let them make you feel guilty. They are in the wrong for allowing such behaviour and the Police and/or other agencies (eg letting agent) should be informed so they suffer the consequences of there actions.

Also, if these twins are exhibiting similar behaviours towards others, for example in school, the family may already be known to services. Therefore, the current assistance you are hopefully getting from the Police might also inform professionals who are trying to make the changes it sounds like the children, and their parents, need.

Best wishes, I hope you continue to work with the Police and some resolution can be found for you and your children ��

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