things you can/can't do in your own garden - a list

(156 Posts)
GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:30:06

right
So according to many recent threads ( YES IT IS A THREAD ABOUT A FRICKEN THREAD)

you may

1. let your child scream

you may not
1. bbq

PLease add so i know wink

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 21-Jul-14 09:32:08

You may not:

Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:32:54

you may not
1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge

TheHoundsBitch Mon 21-Jul-14 09:33:25

I don't think you are allowed to smoke... <wrings hands>

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:33:30

my parents got all loopy about a trampoline next to their fence on a higher neighbours garden,

'they will see us in bed'

well kinda NOT, mum

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:33:53

you may not
1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)

Vivacia Mon 21-Jul-14 09:34:25

Sunbathe naked, next to a pool you own in your own garden, but everyone else in England is jealous of you.

Or something.

TheHoundsBitch Mon 21-Jul-14 09:34:38

Give BJs (or receive)

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 21-Jul-14 09:34:40

No blow jobs?

TheHoundsBitch Mon 21-Jul-14 09:35:04

That's not allowed BTW!

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 21-Jul-14 09:35:07

Hounds grin

amyhamster Mon 21-Jul-14 09:35:36

Iron just wearing your pants

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 21-Jul-14 09:36:16

You may not:
Mow your lawn before 10am or after 7pm.
Play music that anyone else can hear.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:36:24

you may not
1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
5. iron in your cruds

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:36:42

CAN SOMEONE MAINTAIN THE LIST PLEASE

* rages *
wink

amyhamster Mon 21-Jul-14 09:37:26

Have constant radio playing
Play any musical interment but especially a tuneless recorder <shudders>
play loud thumping music until 4am every Friday Saturday & Sunday morning
Mow the lawn before 9am at the weekend

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:37:45

you may not
1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn

and another from me
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)

TurboWithAKick Mon 21-Jul-14 09:37:56

Small children can make as much noise as they like

Older children and teens must not make a sound!! hmm

No footballs allowed at ALL ( unless small children have them) small children are 'protected' and can do anything

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 21-Jul-14 09:38:03

You couldn't possibly have any cat shit from any MN neighbour.

Apparently cats bag it themselves and drive to the dump and drop it off. No way do they curl one out on anyone's lawn.

amyhamster Mon 21-Jul-14 09:38:44

Ah you see I say 9am for lawn mowing

Gretchen as list maintainer you get to decide grin

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:39:34

you may not
1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:39:51

loving your work this morning amy.

Ninetysixpercent Mon 21-Jul-14 09:39:58

Mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks-gag.
Exceptions can be made if you are incredibly fit.

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 09:40:44

Does drive count? If so woman next door but one you may not rev your stupid Harley Davison for 15 minutes on a sultry Sunday afternoon filling the air with exhaust fumes and shattering the peace for the entire street. You do not look like Crissie Hynde in leather, more like a DFS sofa.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:41:40

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
I suppose a bit like these

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 21-Jul-14 09:42:18

Tasteless ornaments are a no no. Garden ornaments must be approved by an MN council.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:42:31

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa

Preciousbane Mon 21-Jul-14 09:43:48

No wind chimes

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:44:57

Own bastarding cunting wind chimes. Bamboo or metal.

Cunts.

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 09:44:57

Excellent summary in point 13 OP.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:45:05

i dont know if objects count as 'doing' something iykwim

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:45:32

* leans back*

argue the wind chimes - they just ARE surely?

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:45:53

Inflate a creepy Santa at Yuletide.

In fact, we may need a Christmas sub-list.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:46:18

oh we cant do Xmas now, we need to wait for the wanky xmas traditions thread.

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:46:58

The are....really, really, REALLY annoying at 4am. Or ever. It's just woo clanking.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:47:12

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa
14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time

sparechange Mon 21-Jul-14 09:47:16

Wind chimes OR a water feature...

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:47:31

*they

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:47:40

i am liking the 'its just woo clanking' argument

amyhamster Mon 21-Jul-14 09:48:00

Wasn't there a thread last winter about someone complaining so kids had stolen the snowman from her front garden & op wanted to call the police

No snow stealing

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 09:48:40

Have a dicky security light that goes off if a cat farts but only illuminates, in the manner of prison camp, the lounge of the house opposite.

FannyFifer Mon 21-Jul-14 09:48:46

Lol at lady in leather looking like a DFS sofa.

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:49:17

Spare change has seconded the motion.

They're outta here. gavel

(Although, it's your list etc etc)

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:49:54

Yy!

No stalag-level "security" lights.

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 09:50:34

Never have a trampoline. It just encourages children to shriek. And allows gawping brats to peer over the (very high) fence and make rude personal remarks

And I'd like to challenge the notion about noisy small children being cute. They really aren't. They are teethgrindingly awful

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:51:14

* notes subservience approvingly*

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa
14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time
15 own pointless windchimes
16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:51:41

* inhales sharply at the trampoline challenge *

MardyBra Mon 21-Jul-14 09:52:07

Sneak in and use the neighbour's swimming pool. There was a fantastic thread about that once.

oldsilver Mon 21-Jul-14 09:52:31

If you are actually going to hang laundry outside shock , remember there is a strict curfew - if you leave it out later, it will bring the tone of your neighbourhood right down.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:53:10

oh well proposed old silver

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 09:53:41

MY DCs were certainly not cute when they were noisy when they were little. I considered having them caged in a run outside but the neighbours objected.

You're being too soft, OP.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:53:56

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa
14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time
15 own pointless windchimes
16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart
17. let the neighbourhood down by leaving washing out overnight
18. sneak into anyones pool when they are away

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 09:54:25

So what's on the can list?

You can sit quietly n the dark, whilst your kids are playing naively inside, having swum at the gym and grilled your dinner indoors grin

Oh, and in the case of lovely NDN, erect a lovely new fence hand painted in a Farrow and Ball soft green.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 09:55:33

* weeps *

i KNOW
or read some Victorian literature making sure there is no noise from pages turning

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:55:38

Ooh I remember the sneaky-swimmer thread.

The sheer brass neck!

MardyBra Mon 21-Jul-14 09:55:42

Hang up washing in haphazard fashion. MN code dictates that pegs should be matching. Tops should be hung from the bottom and bottoms from the top. Or is it the other way round?

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 09:56:02

Never park a caravan on your drive, making your neighbour's front room so dark she has to have the light on all day. (poor auntie)

Wind chimes are the invention of the devil and belong in the 7th circle of hell.

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 09:58:37

jennifer amend your objection to owning a caravan at all.

Disclaimer static caravans on dedicated caravan sites are excluded.

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 09:59:05

My ndn yesterday spent all day noisily erecting a play house, with much cursing.
Then when he was done, spent the rest of the day screeching at the children for playing exuberantly around said Wendy house.
(They weren't allowed to use the door hmm )

Poor kids. sad

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 10:00:44

I concur, TSS

Yes, to matching pegs. Goes without saying, surely?

Nancy66 Mon 21-Jul-14 10:01:34

you should not hang your knickers on the washing line as it will attract perverts

TurboWithAKick Mon 21-Jul-14 10:02:22

TS I refuse to believe farrow and ball have a shade called simply ' soft green' !!

Dubjackeen Mon 21-Jul-14 10:03:09

Leave your poor dog home alone for hours on end, barking mournfully.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 10:03:54

Right. I'm off to the gym. Who's keeping up ?

oldsilver Mon 21-Jul-14 10:04:04

If you get rats in the garden because of NDN's eleventy million bird feeders - you must love and cherish them and NOT call out exterminators or use any other kind of preventative measures.

plinkyplonks Mon 21-Jul-14 10:05:53

you may not
- feed foxes especially if you're over weight, recently had more than one yorkshire pud at Toby Carvery, and especially when wearing an offensive t-shirt or reading the Daily Mail.
- allow any animals of any kind in the garden, particularly those that go woof and meow that may interrupt me watching the latest riveting episode of Antique's Roadshow
- have ragey and angry domestic arguments. No, you will not find a lawyer to divorce you at 2am.
- Singing of any kind
- Noise of any kind - especially despicable acts such as laughter and cheering

Perhaps we can think of suitable punishments too?

These may include (but not limited to ;) ):

- Loudly tutting and huffing from the nearest open window
- Indiscriminate staring
- Strongly worded hand written complaints punched through the letterbox

jacks365 Mon 21-Jul-14 10:06:23

Do not hang underwear on the line if by any chance it could possibly be seen by people walking down the road.

RiverTam Mon 21-Jul-14 10:07:03

wind chimes are fucking awful, our neighbours had them right beneath our bedroom window, the slightest breeze and they'd be tinkling away.

I'd like to add:

have a bonfire on a gloriously sunny day when everyone's windows are open and washing is out - bonfire smoke, whilst a nicer smell, is way more pervasive than BBQ smoke. Save it for a miserable autumn evening, ffs.

have an unneutered tom cat. You may not realise what an unpleasant creature your darling pet is, but you can be sure your neighbours do, with your cat spraying all over their garden, and, if they're really lucky, inside their house, and attacking your neighbours cats, also, on occasion, inside their house, resulting in a blood-spattered duvet and cat with ear half ripped off.

I really wish there could be some way of getting everyone to co-ordinate their grass-mowing, rather than there being a continual mowing noise for the whole weekend.

oldsilver Mon 21-Jul-14 10:08:13

If you must grow vegetables in your garden, ensure you have a full H&S certificate. And that any sticks/canes are well sited away from anything with full protective covering and warning signs every 6in.

scarletforya Mon 21-Jul-14 10:08:31

I've been hand wringing about something.....is it acceptable to allow a two year old play the garden in a tshirt, nappy and crocs? Or should she have to wear leggings? It's hot.

<frowns>

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 10:08:52

no one? RIght carry on as you are and I will number later

Nancy66 Mon 21-Jul-14 10:10:17

you should also keep chickens and bees

if so much as an inch of branch from a neighbour's tree or bush protrudes into your garden the you are within your rights to hack it down without permission. However should any neighbour attempt to prune your shrubbery then you should call the police

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 10:12:11

She shouldn't be out there at all,*scarlet*. She should be reading a book quietly before (quiet) piano practice. And if she can't read, then teach her, what sort of parent are you if your 2 yr old can't read?

And crocs are never acceptable.

Bardette Mon 21-Jul-14 10:16:57

Nancy but only if the chickens and bees are trained to only make noise between the hours of 10 and 4.

Bardette Mon 21-Jul-14 10:18:21

Crocs are never acceptable?
But that's the only thing my 4 year old wears in the garden.

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 10:22:58

Do you have a high enough fence to ensure no one can see? If that's the case then that will do until you can persuade her to see the error of her ways.

I am, of course assuming you didn't buy them for her.

<narrows eyes>

SaggyAndLucy Mon 21-Jul-14 10:31:12

I've got a couple based on previous threads...
You must never DARE to have an opinion on the colour of any fencing in your own garden, even if the nutty neighbours who installed it can only see it once a month on a Wednesday when they're driving down the road at 4pm and it's raining! It MUST be the colour they want. WHATEVER!
And...you must never stand under your tree staring at the neighbours using their shower whilst you have a good wank! you WILL get arrested! wink

loopylady83 Mon 21-Jul-14 10:32:52

TSSDNCOP are you my neighbour? grin

LabradorMama Mon 21-Jul-14 10:39:51

SaggyAndLucy Are you MY neighbour?? grin

loopylady83 Mon 21-Jul-14 10:43:23

my neighbour has a stupid bloody light thats so bright u could probably see it from space and has a more of a shitty cow muck coloured green fence

scarletforya Mon 21-Jul-14 10:52:22

blush well, yes, erm, you see, they were only €2 and they look like little red cars.......She's very attached to them but the neighbors could see and be traumatised I suppose.

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 11:00:26

loop I like the fence but don't like the sodding light. Am concerned though dyou wear leather trousers on your Harley?

HoneyDragon Mon 21-Jul-14 11:03:21

You must get the rage if your neighbour paints the other side of your fence even though you can't see it.

samesizetoes Mon 21-Jul-14 11:06:52

No wind chimes allowed!

Is AstroTurf allowed? We did the back garden with it-no more lawn mower

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 11:17:42

Astroturf? Only if it doesn't cause flooding for your neighbours.

Oldraver Mon 21-Jul-14 11:24:53

Bonking on the trampoline

Oldraver Mon 21-Jul-14 11:26:09

That should be NO bonking on the trampoline blush

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:26:55

i am banning the tom cat one

StanleyLambchop Mon 21-Jul-14 11:28:16

I know someone has already mentioned it, but can we examine boundary trees in more detail? They are acceptable if a) You own them b) They are not Lleylandii C) They are a haven for wildlife . They are NOT acceptable if a) You don't own them b) They are Lleylandii & C) They drop leaves/block light/ ruin your soil so you can't grow your own vegetables.

I remember a thread about someone not liking horse pooh on the road outside her house once. Could we shoehorn horses into the list of animals that are not allowed in gardens or areas surrounding gardens

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:29:00

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa
14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time
15 own pointless windchimes
16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart
17. let the neighbourhood down by leaving washing out overnight
18. sneak into anyones pool when they are away
19. You must never object to a bbq during a nice sunny day
20. You must never FLAUNT your underwear on a washing line as it makes men rapists.
21. You must never mind if half a tree from a neighbour comes into your garden particularly if it is fruit bearing.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:29:28

and grin at mass coordinated lawn mowing.

I am sure the Swiss actually DO this

Downtheroadfirstonleft Mon 21-Jul-14 11:36:08

Chickens are mandatory but any cockerel is banned, under pain of (its' owners) death.

And no trampoline covers that may be stolen or be the cause of someone innocent, being falsely accused of theft.

RiverTam Mon 21-Jul-14 11:38:46

hey! Why are you banning the tom cat one? And where's my bonfire one? Look, I'm going to start taking this all very personally soon.

I like 'pointless' windchimes - what's the difference grin?

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 11:38:49

Ahem. Caravans on the drive?

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:40:26

i ADORE CATS

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:40:47

i am sure i put the bonfire one in

* checks database *

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:41:44

Ah yes sorry - i put bbq for bonfire in no 19

now edited

1. bbq
2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see
3. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
4. smoke ( unclear)
5. Perform sexual services
6. iron in your cruds
7. play music louder than a whisper
8. mow your lawn
9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all)
10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune)
11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself
12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks
13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa
14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time
15 own pointless windchimes
16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart
17. let the neighbourhood down by leaving washing out overnight
18. sneak into anyones pool when they are away
19. You must never object to a bonfire during a nice sunny day
20. You must never FLAUNT your underwear on a washing line as it makes men rapists.
21. You must never mind if half a tree from a neighbour comes into your garden particularly if it is fruit bearing.

coffeeinbed Mon 21-Jul-14 11:47:02

Grow petunias or gladioli.

You can enjoy said plants in a council maintained park.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:49:36

ooh very good

Sapat Mon 21-Jul-14 11:49:43

My some people have a lot of time on their hands. No wonder they are such antisocial neighbours.... ;)

starfishmummy Mon 21-Jul-14 11:51:50

We have a covenant (as do all the neighbours) so we can't park a caravan, sell fried fish or hold a funfair!!

settingsitting Mon 21-Jul-14 11:52:33

Build before 9am on a weekend.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:52:59

fried fish?

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 11:54:26

Sapat - thanks, its my day off. smile

Livvylongpants Mon 21-Jul-14 11:55:04

You must never let your naked hold run round the garden eyes own naked child in garden shrugs

You must never die in your garden! A lady I once worked with went on about how she thinks its unfair her neighbour had a heart attack in the garden and she wishes he would have done it indoors, it was most unsightly I've been told

Livvylongpants Mon 21-Jul-14 11:55:25

Child not hold

loopylady83 Mon 21-Jul-14 11:58:59

defo not your neighbour then dont know anyone near me with a motor bike grin

starfishmummy Mon 21-Jul-14 12:03:56

I guess they don't want us setting up a chippy "gretchen*!! The covenant dates back to 1912 so maybe people did sell it from their homes back then!!

JenniferJo Mon 21-Jul-14 12:12:20

<stamps>

caravans on the drive.

RiverTam Mon 21-Jul-14 12:16:22

I adore cats too - I have 2 of them! But unneutured tomcats are just a bloody nuisance and the one round our way did do both things I said - it would come into the house and spray in our hallway, and it once attacked one of our cats on our bed, there was bloody all over the place and our poor cat was terrified. We were very tempted to trap it, remove it's collar and take it to the local rescue centre for them to neuter it.

<snort> at the inconsiderate dead neighbour, how very dare he.

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 21-Jul-14 12:18:12

No spray painting fencing.

slithytove Mon 21-Jul-14 12:27:29

No singing let it go

IShallCallYouSquishy Mon 21-Jul-14 12:31:07

Oh dear, DD was running around the garden in just a t-shirt this morning. I'm going to neighbour hell aren't i?

MyUsernameIsPants Mon 21-Jul-14 12:31:16

Being alive. You are NOT allowed to breathe in your own back garden.

grin This thread is so funny!
Can i add to the list : Do not let your grandkids climb on the shed and stare into my kitchen window laughing and pointing.TELL THEM TO GET DOWN FOR GODS SAKE!

Steben Mon 21-Jul-14 12:46:22

This thread is hilarious, my child is currently running round the garden singing let it go, NAKED, and weaving in and out of the washing that is still on the line from yesterday.

gallicgirl Mon 21-Jul-14 12:47:27

Do not allow your kids to climb on the railing of your decking in order to peer over the 6ft fence and say hello to your neighbour while she's eating her brekkie outside in her pyjamas.

especially not if there's a slight breeze which might make her nips a bit pointy.

settingsitting Mon 21-Jul-14 12:50:15

I agree about the light one.
Our neighbour is 1/4 mile away. But his "security" lights were well seen 2 miles away.

StanleyLambchop Mon 21-Jul-14 13:04:35

If we can't allow petunias or gladioli, or trees, then why have any greenery at all. It should all be concreted over- no nice patio slabs mind, or decking, because that might encourage people to sit out and do all the things on the banned list. In fact- I think we should ban gardens. Lets just build back-to backs and be done with.

coffeeinbed Mon 21-Jul-14 13:08:14

Oh no.
Greenery is ok, it needs to be right though.

Gladioli - no.
Agapanthus - OK.

leylandii - no.
Olive trees - yes fine...

Petunias - no, obvs, get some Cerinthe Major. Or verbena bonariensis.

loopylady83 Mon 21-Jul-14 13:11:40

you cant move your gazebo from one end of the garden to next to your neighbours window and talk about aload of shit at the top of your voice, whilst neighbours children are taking a nap and said neighbour is trying to enjoy silence!!!

UncleT Mon 21-Jul-14 13:12:37

You're definitely not allowed to perform Let It Go badly on the trampoline.

yelwah Mon 21-Jul-14 13:12:45

No tinkly fountains running all night, especially if your neighbour has a weak bladder.

UterusUterusGhali Mon 21-Jul-14 13:14:04

My neighbour told me off for singing Let it Go in the car parky bit outside the garden. blush

This seems to be A Thing.

Claybury Mon 21-Jul-14 13:15:21

Thoughts on taking up lawn and replacing with fake grass / astro stuff ? Seems to be popular round here. Perfect lawn at all times, no mowing required.

CrohnicallyDepressed Mon 21-Jul-14 13:17:07

squishy and steben I can go one better. My child was bouncing on the trampoline naked, shrieking singing 'let it go'. If she hadn't been totally starkers, she'd have been wearing her crocs.

But it's Ok surely, because it wasn't my garden, it was a relative's? Besides, she's under 2 and therefore cute.

DO:

Stage a full scale re-enactment of the Battle of the Boyne with the local historical society using authentic weaponry.

DON'T:

Blow your nose so that it honks. Disgusting.

coffeeinbed Mon 21-Jul-14 13:23:15

I wonder if my shouting at DS and the dog can in interpreted as an re-enactment of a historic battle - I'm thinking St George and the Dragon one...

StanleyLambchop Mon 21-Jul-14 13:28:35

To be fair, I think it is the 'Let it Go' which is annoying, not where you sing it!

slithytove Mon 21-Jul-14 15:54:15

Crohnically... Were there any other kids with her?

TSSDNCOP Mon 21-Jul-14 15:57:59

Stanley careful now! you're on thin ice slating the amazing Frozen feem toon.

IrianofWay Mon 21-Jul-14 16:05:48

Quick related question: is it permissible to (humanely) gag small child two doors down who whines and screeches at top volume when any member of his family attempts to interact with him? Or a bird looks at him. Or a breeze blows on him. Or the grass it too wet. Obviously gag could be removed when he went indoors.

Will abide by MN ruling.

Thanks

coffeeinbed Mon 21-Jul-14 16:07:30

Oh that "Let it go"

I kept wondering why do people misname "Let it be" and what's with the sudden surge of popularity of it.

I shall retire to a corner now...

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 16:12:35

irian
no one is allowed to moan about children playing - this was established last week. If it is teenagers - its open season.

*children are lovely*

Cereal0ffender Mon 21-Jul-14 16:17:36

You must not be in possession of a sun burnt child all children must wear uv burkas while sipping water. Is your child has pierced ears you must lop them off with a scythe

IrianofWay Mon 21-Jul-14 16:19:36

THIs child is not lovely (aurally - in every other way he may be a paragon) regardless of age.

I have two teenagers one of who tends to swear at his x-box with the window open. He is not always lovely. The other one, however, is.

littlemisssarcastic Mon 21-Jul-14 16:23:56

According to my neighbour You must not allow any child in your garden to be naked from the waist down.
You must not allow your child to look through the wire fence to say hello if your neighbour is in their swimwear because it makes your neighbour feel incredibly uncomfortable.

OTOH, Your neighbour can do what the fuck they like -- because they don't allow their child to do these things-- This is very important to remember. grin

this is so funny.

but have you forgotten, the dreaded recorder practice? in the garden!

SweetSummerSweetPea Mon 21-Jul-14 16:27:59

You may have a BBQ, as long as its not right by lots of houses, move it as far from other peoples windows as possible.

You may have occasional parties, like twice a year...

You may smoke but not right by other peoples windows and esp not in hot weather....move to far end of garden or go for a walk with your fag confused

You may play music, occasionally, and only for a short period at a volume you wold be happy with yourself.

DO NOT EVER burn in your garden, Its not neccasry and totally selfish.

wink1970 Mon 21-Jul-14 16:29:29

Well I do most of those things, especially any relating to BBQs /fire pits, staying up late & talking bollocks whilst pissed, or generally being loud.

on the plus side, I do not:

kill my neighbour's children, despite the constant shrieking outside of my office
kill my neighbour for riding his bike up and down the pavement outside of my office (he's 30-odd, ffs)
kill my neighbours for not weeding their block paving

that makes us evens, in my opinion.

hollycomputer Mon 21-Jul-14 16:30:55

Have we had singing yet? One of my neighbours sings loudly and badly in the garden.

JustAShopGirl Mon 21-Jul-14 16:31:06

can I add no "whistling" too please.... there was a post ages ago where someone complained their 200 year old neighbour whistled in his own garden

IrianofWay Mon 21-Jul-14 16:36:14

May we have a ruling on using chain saw to chop up firewood for at least 30 minutes every day? No we don't live in a heavily-wooded area, my NDN does not wear a checked shirt (we're lucky in he wears anything more than a small pair of shorts) and he is not running a logging business. He simply has a log burner and has become the area despository for waste wood. Some of which smells like he is burning dead fish when he uses it.

However he is saving himself 'about �40 a month in gas' ....

Is that OK?

Please say no or I will have to conclude I am just a misery guts who needs to live in the back of beyond and have cats.

IrianofWay Mon 21-Jul-14 16:36:54

But I like whistling.

UncleT Mon 21-Jul-14 16:37:46

Recorder practice is dreaded everywhere, not just in the garden - and rightly so, too.

oldsilver Mon 21-Jul-14 16:38:01

grin I did actually ban a friend of DS's from the garden last week for singing songs from Frozen. Most unseemly for an 8 year old lad or any child for that matter . He is under the misguided impression I was joking grin

I have threatened to sing very badly at him if he does it again. DS has taken this very seriously, mind you, he's heard me sing!

ToniWol Mon 21-Jul-14 16:38:29

Can I check re the lawn mowing. Is it okay outside of the specified times if said lawn mower is a non-electric one and therefore nowhere near as noisy...

Also - can we ban older kids from purposely kicking footballs at garages which don't belong to their parents and thereby probably causing untold damage to said garage door. This in addition to severe penalties for daring to retrieve their own ball when it's ended up on a neighbours flat roof (and this was the upstairs flat roof!)

oldsilver Mon 21-Jul-14 16:39:48

holly are you my NDN?

Same child also bought a recorder into. my. house shock

slithytove Mon 21-Jul-14 16:55:22

I've just realised, we have no issues with our neighbours.

Does that mean we are the problem confused

APotNoodleandaTommy Mon 21-Jul-14 17:00:16

No chimineas (sp?) as they just encourage garden-based socialising
No high/low/medium fences resulting in too much neighbour exposure/too little light/nothing to whinge about
No ponds with fish in which emit unpleasant odours on a warm day

Bardette Mon 21-Jul-14 19:57:42

Neighbours should not behead and gut eels anywhere I can see them. Neither should they wear teeny tiny shorts and then speak to me when I am picking up the shopping so I look up and find myself nose-to-shorts.

ocelot41 Mon 21-Jul-14 20:38:36

Let bindweed grow absolutely everywhere so that your neighbours are constantly fending it off.

GretchenWiener Mon 21-Jul-14 20:40:25

* wanders back into garden*

Right I will have to add to the list

HappyLashes Mon 21-Jul-14 21:44:12

Can I add....you must never block your neighbours view over your back fence grin. Apologies if it has already been mentioned.

DogCalledRudis Mon 21-Jul-14 22:00:42

Smoke weed. Actually plant something other than lawn.

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