To consider upgrading my engagement ring 8 years after getting married??

(78 Posts)
PisforPeter Fri 11-Jul-14 15:53:37

Has anybody else done this??
I was never too keen on my engagement ring, I didn't choose it & I thought it was on the smallish side.
Now we are better off hubby has offered to buy me a new one but I don't know what to do??
I would like to but is it a bit indulgent??

MuttonCadet Fri 11-Jul-14 15:55:19

It's cheaper than getting divorced and remarried.

Slh122 Fri 11-Jul-14 15:55:55

Up to you what you spend your money on. Personally I wouldn't but that's because there's a hundred things I can think of to spend a few grand on other than a ring.

Oleoleole Fri 11-Jul-14 15:56:05

If it makes you happy and you can afford it, why not?

You have my permission grin

PisforPeter Fri 11-Jul-14 15:56:28

That's true, lol!!

MuttonCadet Fri 11-Jul-14 15:56:43

Sorry that was a bit flippant, you can get a solitaire ring and put it on that finger, no need to call it an engagement ring. Then keep your engagement ring in your jewellery box.

Or have you thought about getting an eternity ring?

HenI5 Fri 11-Jul-14 15:57:43

How about marking your 10th anniversary with a new ring? plenty of time to browse and try on and see what you'd really like.

PisforPeter Fri 11-Jul-14 15:58:53

I have an eternity ring and I really like it!

Bearbehind Fri 11-Jul-14 16:01:08

Could you use the stones or the metal from the original ring and incorporate it in a new ring?

Solves the sentimental issue and gets you a bigger ring grin

dexter73 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:02:09

I don't know about this. I don't have a problem with it being indulgent but the new ring won't be an engagement ring though as it isn't the ring your dh proposed to you with. I don't think I would do it but it's your call so why not!

dexter73 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:02:55

Blimey my post is rather garbled but I hope you get the drift!

fishchipsandmayonnaise Fri 11-Jul-14 16:03:01

I fully intend on doing this, if and when DH and I have more money! Quite a few of my parents friends have done this, so I think it's okay.

PisforPeter Fri 11-Jul-14 16:03:23

We looked into that [bearbehind] but getting a bespoke ring made is v expensive.
I might get my old diamond set into a necklace for DD when she is older??

CoffeeTea103 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:06:15

Yes good idea, set it into something for your dd, and get a new one smile

Bearbehind Fri 11-Jul-14 16:07:25

It is worth looking around for bespoke jewellers, the obvious places like Hatton Garden and the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham can be expensive but I had both my wedding and engagement ring made and they were no more expensive than off the peg really.

RocknRollNerd Fri 11-Jul-14 16:08:51

If you and DH are both happy then do it! Me and DH are both on our second wedding rings - it's not so surprising that tastes change over time, we're both very pleased with the 'new' rings and it hasn't changed how we feel about each other at all. Be prepared for some comments though from people who can't get past the sentimental value side of things - it didn't bother us in the slightest though, the memories of the wedding, proposal etc are all still the same and neither of us now is wearing jewellery every day that we don't really like that much.

kslatts Fri 11-Jul-14 16:10:13

I don't think I would do this, my engagement ring wasn't expensive and we could now afford to upgrade it, however it represents our engagement and at the time was what we could afford, don't think its something that can really be replaced years later.

GretchenWiener Fri 11-Jul-14 16:10:14

god yes, good to update. Lots of my colleagues have those horrible HUGE ones people had in the 70s. Vile IN ten years time the platinum ones people have now will look old hat - plus ca change

Mind you i am not a fan of them on men, full stop.

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 11-Jul-14 16:10:27

I don't know, I think it's quite nice to look at your ring and remember that times were harder but you stuck together.

I'd go for a blingy eternity ring instead.

SarcyMare Fri 11-Jul-14 16:10:28

when we went on holiday to sri-lanka we bought a lovely saphire and had this set into a new engagement ring, same style but with stones you can see with the naked eye.

pommedeterre Fri 11-Jul-14 16:10:44

My parents did this, my mum had really crap rings as they had no money. By their 25th anniversary they were well off so my dad took my mum to a posh jewellers when they were on holiday and she got new engagement an wedding rings. I think it seemed a really lovely thing to mark how far they'd come as a team together.

The old ones really were bad - not sure she even bothered to keep them!

BolshierAyraStark Fri 11-Jul-14 16:14:26

DH 'bought' my 1st engagement ring in exchange for a pint (very young & very skint) He bought me a replacement 9 years later just before we got married.

If you don't like the one you have & can afford a new one then go for it.

ShakeYourTailFeathers Fri 11-Jul-14 16:14:45

We sort of did this - I saw a lovely big ring on holiday about 6 yrs after we got married and DH offered to buy it for me.

So now I have 2 to choose from <greedy> I'm not sure i'd want to sell the old one for sentimental reasons, and I still love it.

my DM traded her 60s ring in for a nice new ring about 25 yrs after they got married too.

LegoClone Fri 11-Jul-14 16:14:48

We replaced my white gold engagement ring for a platinum one for our 2nd wedding anniversary. No one would know though as it looks identical! I spotted it when taking in the original ring for replating with rhodium and persuaded DH it would save us money in the long run. wink

PeppermintInfusion Fri 11-Jul-14 16:16:24

Lots of people my parents' age (60s) have done this. Either they were poor when they got married (in most cases at a younger age), their ring is dated in style or it no longer fits.
My mum's original is so small doesn't even fit on her little finger anymore, so she replaced as it would be expensive to expand it.

If it's something you want to do, do it.

Nomama Fri 11-Jul-14 16:16:48

VU.

My engagement ring is also crap, as we too had no money. My wedding ring only cost £30. They represent who we were when we got engaged/married. I wouldn't change them just because I now find them a bit sad.

I also have an eternity ring. It was supposed to be a money no object purchase. But the ring I loved only cost £200.

Stick with it. It's my 25th this year and I look on them quite fondly. I couldn't part with them.

ExamStresses14 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:22:30

I intend to do this. DH bought me a temporary cheap ring that we never got round to replacing. I am hoping that we can get me a new one on a big anniversary ((5yrs and counting)

quietbatperson Fri 11-Jul-14 16:26:03

I think it's a bit odd tbh

2014meh Fri 11-Jul-14 16:27:27

Could you use the stones and precious metal in a new bigger design of ring. It or the process could symbolise how your love has grown and blossomed since you get married.

Migsy1 Fri 11-Jul-14 16:29:13

I think the idea of progressing onto bigger and better rings is preferable to progressing onto different marriages. So, hey yeah, why not? By the time you are 90 you could have enough diamonds to make engagement necklaces, engagement earrings, and more smile

Chocolateisa7adayfood Fri 11-Jul-14 16:30:00

YANBU to do what you like with your ring (& money), but I wouldn't do it personally - my engagement ring is just that, if you altered it it wouldn't be an engagement ring, would it? On the other hand I wouldn't mind buying a new ring to celebrate an important anniversary if i could affird it.

Julygal Fri 11-Jul-14 16:31:48

Me and DH chose the diamond for my ring in Amsterdam but I wasn't never keen on the setting, used to catch on my clothes etc. I had it altered once and then lost weight after having children and both engagement ring and wedd

HermioneWeasley Fri 11-Jul-14 16:32:58

It's common place in the states- loads of jewellers have a facility for trading up your ring

Julygal Fri 11-Jul-14 16:34:17

Oops.

Both engagement and wedding ring were too big. We came up with the idea of creating a new ring incorporating gold from both rings and added 2 more diamonds to make one single band which is now my engagement, wedding and eternity ring. Not everyone's cup of tea, but I love it.

littlepeas Fri 11-Jul-14 16:38:42

I wouldn't - I still love my rings 9 years on, but even if I didn't the sentimental value would stop me changing them. My dh chose my engagement ring and, for me, that is part of its value and appeal. I would get something for my other hand.

BristolRover Fri 11-Jul-14 16:43:02

my mum did this - went from a small solitaire to a whopping 3.5ct pear. What I think is odd is that she sold the solitaire to a friend of hers.

Anyway - I am currently considering tweaking mine - my band is set with tiny stones and the end one keeps falling out. It's been replaced 3x and the band remade altogether once. Just lost the same stone today and phoned the jeweller to discover that the lovely fella we bought from has left and the new owner doesn't sound overly inclined to be either polite or helpful, so I find myself wondering what a pair of larger baguettes or trillions would look like either side instead :-)

My mum did this too. Tbh her original ring was an awful monstrosity of a ring. She did it for their silver wedding though, so got her "money's worth" from the first ring!

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 11-Jul-14 17:06:15

I never had one.
You can do as you wish, but I've got better things to spend money on.

And fwiw I don't like my own wedding ring very much. I bought it to fit round my engagement ring but now I wish I had just gone with a plain band.

I would like to change it one day, but I can live with it for now.

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 11-Jul-14 17:07:28

My wedding ring was about £15.
I never wear it anyway .

nowahousewife Fri 11-Jul-14 17:17:10

I was married 4 yrs before getting an engagement ring but was worth the wait. At 20 yrs got a stonker of an eternity ring, but one I plan not to replace but just keep adding to the collection!grin

teaandthorazine Fri 11-Jul-14 18:08:28

A friend of mine did this a couple of years ago - had both her wedding ring and engagement ring replaced by bigger, sparklier, more expensive versions. And got a big blingy eternity ring at the same time, too.

I mean, yes, their money to do with as they wish, of course but...the idea of 'trading up' your wedding/engagement ring just seems a bit, well, odd. And yes, indulgent.

I wear an antique engagement ring that was my grandmother's. It's not necessarily what I would choose for myself but the sentimental value is so high that I would never dream of changing it. It's about what it means, surely, rather than how big it is?!

RocknRollNerd Fri 11-Jul-14 18:19:18

I don't get the judginess about the 'indulgence' with this, it's genuinely puzzling. Me and DH aren't driving the same car, living in the same place, wearing the same clothes or using the same 486 computer we had when we got married, why shouldn't we also have got new rings. I've spent more money on plenty other things (a house, a car, and a few new computer for starters grin) over the last 17 years. I just don't get why this is so frowned upon, if you can afford it and are both happy then why not?

My wedding, engagement and eternity rings are the only jewellery I wear every single day, why should I have to wear something I don't particularly like any more. It's not a measure of how I feel about DH or our marriage - I still like him just fine! I look at my rings and I still remember our wedding day, our vows, our love and our feelings for each other.

Joysmum Fri 11-Jul-14 18:23:43

I don't understand the concept?

You get an engagement ring to mark where you are at that time in life. If you 'upgrade' to another ring, it's no longer an engagement ring as you're trying to rewrite history.

By all means, ask your partner to buy you another ring and don't wear the engagement ring anymore if it's not fancy enough for you, but your engagement righ will be the one lain unworn in your jewelry box.

I didn't get an engagement ring, we couldn't afford it and I was happy to swap the ring I got for my birthday onto the other finger. Now I just wear my wedding band and the other ring stands in my jewelry box.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Fri 11-Jul-14 18:27:34

I would probably choose a lovely eternity ring instead.

Nomama Fri 11-Jul-14 18:38:53

Rocknroll, that computer/car/dress/pair of knickers was not bought to mark a lifechanging decision... I am with Joysmum, it is the moment that is being celebrated and remembered. Anything else is just a want for more bling smile

Chicken - OP already did that!

Joolsali Fri 11-Jul-14 18:40:00

I've done that.

Princesselsaanna Fri 11-Jul-14 18:40:22

I plan on doing this. I have already had my original stone reset on a diamond band and replaced my plain wedding ring with a diamond band to match the engagement ring but I would love to replace my main stone. We both chose it together but never really liked it that much but it was what we could afford at the time and I would like a big stonker of a stone and yes I am that shallow. It's much much cheaper to do this via a good dealer in Hatton garden, not in the shops who make crazy mark ups, I wouldn't ever buy diamonds retail. I'm lucky enough to have a fair bit of nice jewellery now and we always buy trade and save literally thousands.

MardyBra Fri 11-Jul-14 18:43:29

Have you upgraded your question mark button to a bigger one too? wink

lecherrs Fri 11-Jul-14 18:46:01

Nope not at all.

I only had a cheap engagement ring, as I don't like the look of lots of rings together, and knew that the moment I got married, the engagement ring would come off. Sure enough it did. Occasionally when I get bored of my wedding ring, I take it off and wear the engagement ring in its place. In fact, I have about three different wedding rings that I swap over because I get bored of them blush.

However, next year is my 40th, and I've asked DH for a new ring that combines engagement, wedding and eternity in one. Something nice and jazzy (but not overly expensive as I know I'll get bored in a few years, and probably have another one for my 50th grin).

I do keep my originals in my jewellery box though. Sometimes I did them out, but I can't say that they do anything for me sentimentally.

So if you have a sentimental attachment to your ring, then possibly another ring just wouldn't compare, but if like me you're not particularly attached to your rings (I'm not really a jewellery person), then go for it. You can always swap them round again when you get bored.

MintyChops Fri 11-Jul-14 18:52:16

Every time I look at my engagement ring, I feel happy, we were lucky to have the money to get one I loved at the time. If you want a different ring that makes you feel happy then you should do it and f**k the begrudgers!!

rubyflipper Fri 11-Jul-14 19:01:23

I wouldn't want to upgrade my engagement ring. It is a simple ring but it was what we could afford at the time; and to me it's a sign of how far we have come.

Only1scoop Fri 11-Jul-14 19:02:48

Yanbu....

Find one you love.

ApocalypseThen Fri 11-Jul-14 19:24:32

I've done it. It's really only am engagement ring till you get married, after that it's a piece of jewellery. I wasn't crazy about my original ring anyway. New one rocks. I love wearing it.

TalcumPowder Fri 11-Jul-14 19:29:54

Crass. As is the term 'upgrade', as if it involves a mobile phone. Yet another money-making pseudo-tradition brought to you by the jewellery industry, like spending a month's salary in an engagement ring, the eternity ring, the 'push present' ring/pendant.

Very expensive for bespoke? What budget? Try Hatton garden. You would be surprised.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 11-Jul-14 19:39:55

My solitaire ring was only a cheapy and after a few years the tiny sliver of diamond fell out and was lost. Dh offered to replace it so we went back to our jewellers and I picked out a gorgeous antique diamond ring. It's lovely.

It was never really a proper proposal anyway. I told dh that unless he did it properly I'd say no. grin So I pretty much had to organise it anyway. Last of the romantics.

My wedding ring is only a cheap simple band of gold but it doesn't have to look bling so I'm not bothered. I don't think if ever replace it though, I think it holds more sentimental value than the engagement ring.

PosingInManilla Fri 11-Jul-14 19:49:40

kslatts
I don't think I would do this, my engagement ring wasn't expensive and we could now afford to upgrade it, however it represents our engagement and at the time was what we could afford, don't think its something that can really be replaced years later.

Completely agree. My engagement ring had a teeny millionth of a carat diamond and was dirt cheap but DH was earning peanuts at the time and I was so touched at hard he must have saved. I could never replace it with something "better". We've just had a special anniversary though and he bought me an eternity ring which I wear as well - could you do that? I just think calling it an engagement ring when it's actually a many-years-later-and-bigger-and-better ring is a bit odd.

Although I'm obviously in the minority grin

1944girl Fri 11-Jul-14 19:50:58

I got engaged in 1968 and we were skint. I had the choice of an engagement ring or the deposit on a house. I chose the house so never had or wanted an engagement ring.
We married the following year and my wedding ring is the broad gold band which was fashionable then. My DH got it from the co-op for £12, plus the dividend which was on his mother's check number so it kept her happy.I have never wanted another wedding ring, now my problem is which of my four granddaughters am I going to leave it to when I die.
My parents were married during WW2 and everything was rationed. My mother got the thin gold band which all wartime brides got.She never had an engagement ring. For their 25th anniversary my dad got her a broader wedding ring and she wore it together with her original one on the same finger as she could not bare to part with her original.

settingsitting Fri 11-Jul-14 19:57:44

Ha ha . You again.
Thought you were a man on the other thread. Off for a reread.

gamescompendium Fri 11-Jul-14 20:25:00

If you want to and can afford to why not? I still love my ring but at 29 with good jobs DH and I had more disposable income than we do now with 3 small children so I got a nice classic design that won't really date (it's very similar to my grandmother's actually). If I didn't like my ring I think I'd be tempted to replace it, or at least get a nice eternity ring to wear instead!

ColdCottage Fri 11-Jul-14 20:28:06

Only read OP but have you thought of using the original stone as a side stone and buying a matching new side stone and a big centre stone. Then reusing the metal from the band to reset stones in a new ring?

VioletHare Fri 11-Jul-14 20:35:45

Obviously it's your money and you can do what you like...but I think YABU.

Your engagement ring is your engagement ring. It will ALWAYS be your engagement ring, no matter if it cost £1 or £10k.

Buying a 'new' ring will be just that - a new ring. Nothing wrong with that. It will not be an 'engagement' ring though and to try and call it that I a bit strange.

I could win the lottery tomorrow and I would never replace my engagement ring. It's worth so much more to me than the monetary value.

I had an engagement ring upgrade for my 50th birthday
When we git engaged we were skint and I had a lovely ring ,3 very pretty small diamonds in a twist
Tesco were doing the 4 x clubcard points at Godsmiths the jewellery shop , so we exchanged £250 of points and I had a lovely sparkly £1000 solitaire
Which I know is peanuts worth to some , but I love it

andsmile Fri 11-Jul-14 20:42:14

You mean you want an enternity ring grin

whatever5 Fri 11-Jul-14 20:48:08

It seems a bit odd to upgrade an engagement ring as you are not engaged anymore so it would just be a new ring with no significant meaning. There's nothing wrong with a new ring though if that's what you want.

Blueuggboots Fri 11-Jul-14 20:56:18

I would HIGHLY recommend quality diamonds whistle based in Hatton Garden and have a office in Milton Keynes. They are currently making my bespoke engagement ring and couldn't have been more helpful.
I know for a fact that my ring will be worth at least 30-40% more than we're paying for it.
They sell loose diamonds and you can compare them online before you go and look at them in the flesh.

Blueuggboots Fri 11-Jul-14 20:56:59

Who are based.....not whistle!!! grin

WhatsMyAgeAgain Fri 11-Jul-14 21:32:12

I'm thinking of getting a fake bit of bling as mine is so small. We're still just as skint as we were 5 years ago.

Strokethefurrywall Fri 11-Jul-14 21:38:05

Lots of people do that here, DH asked if I wanted to do it this next year (5 years married) but I'm not keen but only because I'm a sentimental mare and it's not really a small diamond in the first place.

I was after a different setting for it (have the Lucida setting currently which I love but was after a cushion halo setting) but decided against it so DH bought me a gorgeous eternity band after I had DS2 a few months ago which matches perfectly.

What treats in life aren't indulgent? A holiday in the Maldives is indulgent, so is a new car and yet people don't judge others on those. There is a lot of snobbery around this type of thing, along with "push presents" (ridiculous term) but you have the money so you go ahead and indulge - life is too short! grin

WhatsMyAgeAgain Fri 11-Jul-14 21:46:54

What's a push present?

dexter73 Fri 11-Jul-14 21:48:15

It's a present for giving birth.

WhatsMyAgeAgain Fri 11-Jul-14 21:55:13

Hmmmm. Quite like the idea of that. But as I mentioned, we're skint. Any spare money goes on the little thing I pushed out!

mr405 Sat 12-Jul-14 14:40:49

My Mum got a new engagement ring about 20 years after my parents married as her original ring rubbed against her wedding band and as a result was worn down and fragile.

Well she got two- saw one in a jewellery shop in Spain which she loved so my Dad bought it as a replacement, only to then see one in Wales which she loved JUST as much grin To be fair neither were that expensive- combined about half the price my cousin spent on her engagement ring!

Anyway, I don't think it detracts from the marriage or meaning or whatever. If you are both happy together then that's the important thing!

UptheChimney Sat 12-Jul-14 15:31:57

YABU. You sound really grabby, vulgar & materialistic.

Strokethefurrywall Sat 12-Jul-14 15:45:51

Oh pull your judgy pants out of your arse Up

weegiemum Sat 12-Jul-14 15:50:00

My engagement ring is 9ct gold and Cubic Zircona - cost, I think, £24 in Ratners 21 years ago. I had a new wider band made when I hurt my hand and needed it cut off! (14 years ago) and I still wear it every day.

We could easily afford a new one but I really think it symbolises our relationship at the point we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, and it wouldn't swap it for anything! It wouldn't be my engagement ring if I got a new one. But then we never bought into the "spending a months salary" thing. Dh was a medical student and I was working in a care home saving before going to teaching college when we got engaged, so £24 was actually quite a lot!!

settingsitting Sat 12-Jul-14 17:48:58

I read somewhere on mumsnet that diamonds are now worthless. As in diamonds in their basic raw state. As so many have been mined.

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