To be crapping myself about whose baby this is?

(86 Posts)
stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 17:57:00

I cant believe this has happened to me!!

Period is 7 days late now. Tested Weds, negative. Tested today, very faint positive.

I have the copper coil in, i've checked and its still in place. I have no symptoms at all.

I have been seeing someone, we regularly have sex. But 8 days ago I had unprotected sex with someone else. Just the once. Given how faint the test is could it be his? But my periods was already nearly due then anyway.

About 14 days ago I had what I though was mid cycle bleed, this could have been implantation bleed??

But the test is so faint.

Oh god my head is everywhere.

Can anyone link to any conclusive evidence of whether there is a possibility. I have looked everywhere.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 18:00:05

Well if period was due 7 days ago and you had sex with new man 8 days ago it sounds like it is the firt guy's. BUT- you may have ovulated quite late so could be new guy's. sorry- no definitive way to know until baby is born.

Would either guy be happy to be a father?

Writerwannabe83 Mon 23-Jun-14 18:03:47

I would think it was unlikely to be the guy you had sex with 8 days ago. I was told that when an egg is fertilised it can take anywhere between 9-12 days before it implants in the womb then approximately another 2 days before HCG hormones have risen enough to be detected by a pregnancy test.

However, there are always exceptions to the rules....

PrincessBabyCat Mon 23-Jun-14 18:05:40

There's two scenarios. One is you have an open relationship in which case sleeping with another person is fine. The other is that you cheated on first guy.

But if you had sex one day before your period was late, it's probably the first guys. You don't ovulate right before you bleed.

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 18:05:41

would a pregnancy test show up 8 days after conception?

New man isn't a new man but ex husband. Not a great situation. I am afraid there is no way I can carry on with a pregnancy and not know who the father is.

juneau Mon 23-Jun-14 18:05:52

If your period started today then you ovulated 14 days ago (regardless of length of cycle). Whoever you had sex with up to five days before that (so from 19-14 days ago, which is 3-8 June), is most likely the dad.

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 18:06:34

I didn't cheat. New relationship isn't serious.

PrincessBabyCat Mon 23-Jun-14 18:09:05

I didn't cheat. New relationship isn't serious.

As long as you're both on the same page with how not serious it is, there's not a problem.

Unfortunately it's about to get serious. So do you want either guy in your life the next 18 years?

magpiegin Mon 23-Jun-14 18:09:14

There is such thing as prenatal DNA testing but it is risky so know that some doctors don't recommend . I think that most people do DNA testing after the baby is born.

Good luck.

littleducks Mon 23-Jun-14 18:10:47

Forgetting all the parentage issues i think you need to see a Dr if you have a coil and a positive pg test as the presence of a coil can increase the risk of the pg being ectopic. That's what I was told when I had mine fitted.

extremepie Mon 23-Jun-14 18:11:05

I seriously doubt a test would show up positive after 8 days, I thought the very minimum needed to show a positive result was 2 weeks (I'm no expert though!)

I would say the first guy is the dad smile

TheWickerWoman Mon 23-Jun-14 18:11:06

It's got to be the first guys. That bleed 2 weeks ago sounds like implantation bleeding too.. That would fit the time frame of getting a faint positive now.

SuchSweetSorrow Mon 23-Jun-14 18:12:02

I don't think it would be your ex husband's in that case- are you sure on the dates?

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 18:16:10

There's two scenarios. One is you have an open relationship in which case sleeping with another person is fine. The other is that you cheated on first guy.

Dont think OP was asking for suggestions on what tupe of relationship she was in hmm

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 23-Jun-14 18:16:29

Sounds like it is the first guys

NickiFury Mon 23-Jun-14 18:17:02

It's the first guy.

Agree get to a doctor ASAP due to the risk of ectopic pregnancy. I had one and the sooner you find out the better.

Tweetinat Mon 23-Jun-14 18:18:27

If your period started today then you ovulated 14 days ago (regardless of length of cycle).

That's not actually true. The Luteal Phase (between ovulation and period) is generally 14 days, but can be much longer or less depending dung on your personal cycle. My LP is pretty much bang on 11 days but occasionally has been as short as 9 days. That said, I think it's unlikely to be the second man's child in this case as implantation is only likely to have happened now and wouldn't have triggered a positive HPT.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 18:18:32

If your period started today then you ovulated 14 days ago

Her period didnt start today though confused if it had she wouldnt be thinking she was pregnant.

Showy Mon 23-Jun-14 18:21:51

I tested positive 8 days after conception.

And no you do not ovulate 14 days before your period. That's the average. While most women's luteal phase is pretty fixed for her, it can vary quite a bit from woman to woman. Between 10 days and 16 days is considered normal. I ovulate 11 days before my period for example.

I'm afraid it's not possible to know.

NeilDiamondRocks Mon 23-Jun-14 18:24:12

All my tests showed a positive result at eight days...but my cycle was around 22 days. Go to a doctor and also take some time to yourself to properly digest this.

I also tested positive 8 days post ovulation/conception.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 23-Jun-14 18:26:30

I think you need to go to the doctor and get a definite test result before you start panicking too much.

And I hope you don't get judged on here. It's bloody bad enough having a pregnancy scare without that!

BertieBotts Mon 23-Jun-14 18:27:54

I don't think you could know. Timing wise and frequency prob more likely to be guy 2. But if sex was unprotected with guy 1 then that's a higher chance so it probably cancels it out.

But if you're not going to continue the pregnancy does it matter?

Solasum Mon 23-Jun-14 18:34:12

The Fetal Medical Centre and various other places on Harley Street offer antenatal paternity testing. It is done by amnio or CVS, so there is an element of risk. Either way it cannot be done before 12 weeks. They tell you the sex of the baby and risk of downs etc almost immediately. The paternity bit takes up to a week. They would need a blood sample both from you and one of the potential fathers. Cost is around £1000.

macdoodle Mon 23-Jun-14 18:36:08

If you have a copper coil you are high risk for an ectopic pregnancy, go see your doctor.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 23-Jun-14 18:38:24

Don't forget to get an std test too

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 18:41:27

Thank you for non judgemental advice. Means a lot to me. Will sort a Doctor soon. Such a mess

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 18:47:32

No need for judgemental response- it doesnt change your circumstances. Arrange GP appointment ASAP and go from there.

Absy Mon 23-Jun-14 18:54:12

For regular sex guy, are you using protection? If yes, then it's probably more likely the other guy.

Good luck.

BertieBotts Mon 23-Jun-14 19:02:04

Very good point about ectopic - you need to get that checked out, can be devastating, but caught early it can be treated.

beccajoh Mon 23-Jun-14 19:04:02

Regardless of the dad issue you need to see a doctor because you've got a coil in, irrespective of what you do next.

SpandexBallet Mon 23-Jun-14 19:07:55

State of the heart I've also just discoverd a pregnancy on the copper coil. It's an interesting surprise isn't it!!
Definitely get to the drs you have a 50% chance of ectopic, they will be sending you for a scan straight away

KoalaKoo Mon 23-Jun-14 19:34:39

From about 6 weeks and a few days ie 4 weeks and a few days past conception you can have a transvaginal ultrasound which will date the baby quite accurately (assuming all is progressing normally). If the two men were at different enough dates and didnt overlao this could make it v clear which is the father

KoalaKoo Mon 23-Jun-14 19:35:58

Also if you are using a sensitive test like first response some women def get a v faint pos at 8 days

Thumbwitch Mon 23-Jun-14 19:40:16

GP asap. I.e. tomorrow. Not "soon".
Good luck.

Hoppinggreen Mon 23-Jun-14 19:44:00

On,y want to know is a DNA test I'm afraid ( post natal is safer) you can't go by delivery date either a sap babies can be early or late. My son was 16 days overdue

TheCatsBollocks Mon 23-Jun-14 19:46:10

I'm pretty sure a test wouldn't be positive 8dpo

whatever5 Mon 23-Jun-14 19:53:37

It will be the first man's baby. As others have said it is very important to see your GP in case it is an ectopic pregnany.

Sallyingforth Mon 23-Jun-14 19:53:48

Will your decision on whether to keep the baby depend upon which man is the father?
If not, you don't even need to know.

Sallyingforth Mon 23-Jun-14 19:57:57

Will your decision on whether to keep the baby depend upon which man is the father?
If not, you don't even need to know.

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 20:04:47

No I don't think I can keep the baby anyway. It's just another stress in my head.

Just did digital clear blue and it says pregnant 1-2

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 20:05:16

And I will definately phone the Doctor tomorrow. Thank you. Xx

TheEnchantedForest Mon 23-Jun-14 20:11:48

Highly unlikely (not impossible) to be the second man's if that is part of your thinking for not carrying on with the pregnancy. the dates match the first man much better.
I hope you get some good advice from the Dr.

you said 'it's another stress in my head'- anything you want to talk about/off load to a bunch of (non judgemental -I hope) strangers?

CrispyFB Mon 23-Jun-14 20:13:02

I've had a positive 8dpo with 4 out of my 7 pregnancies. Not a very strong line, but a squinter line.

If it's really faint then it's more likely to be the second man, unless you were with the first man within a few days of him.

My "faint" you'd almost need a microscope to see as I'm a POAS addict - but for some people "faint" just means it doesn't look very strong but you can see it pretty clearly. That's several days difference usually, although it does depend on the test. Post a photo of the regular test? What brand was it?

BitOutOfPractice Mon 23-Jun-14 20:17:21

Oh op you sound very stressed. No wise words that haven't already been said (except to reiterate the person who said that ovulation doesn't necessarily happen bang in the middle of your cycle - and that's assuming everyone has a regular cycle)

Either way, good luck to you x

WaitMonkey Mon 23-Jun-14 20:28:52

You have a coil in, regardless of the father you need to see a doctor tomorrow. Hope everything works out. Very difficult situation.

TheCatsBollocks Mon 23-Jun-14 20:29:06

If you're 7 days late but had sex 8 days ago it can't be the 2nd guys.

Purplepoodle Mon 23-Jun-14 20:29:37

You could have a cvs done at 10-13 weeks, they can find the paternity from that.

Showy Mon 23-Jun-14 20:33:00

Thecatsbollocks, if she ovulated late, it's perfectly possible it's the second guy's. If she's tested negatively recently and only just getting a bfp, it is even more likely that she ovulated much later than expected.

stateoftheart Mon 23-Jun-14 20:42:03

What is a CVS? I have sex regularly with non serious boyfriend. It was a one off with the ex husband.

Solasum Mon 23-Jun-14 20:48:02

CVS is when a needle is put through your abdomen into the placenta to extract cells

SaltySeaBird Mon 23-Jun-14 20:49:36

You can definitely get a BFP 8 days post ovulation with a sensitive test so it could be either guys depending on when you ovulated which may have been later than you thought.

It's more likely to be the first guy's. It's not impossible that it's the second guy's. Best bet is to get a test.

creampie Mon 23-Jun-14 20:53:10

If you had sex for the only time with the second guy 1 day before your period was due, it won't be his, as long as your cycle is of regular length every month and doesn't vary.

PersonOfInterest Mon 23-Jun-14 20:55:56

Could a scan date the pregnancy? Anyone?

Bogeyface Mon 23-Jun-14 20:57:58

CVS is when a needle is put through your abdomen into the placenta to extract cells

Not necessarily, it can be done transvaginally.

Finola1step Mon 23-Jun-14 20:58:38

You can't be absolutely sure unless you do a DNA test.

But from the timing you have explained, it strongly points to new boyfriend.

But, what matters is your physical and emotional health. Not dates etc.

whatever5 Mon 23-Jun-14 21:06:50

OP is seven days late though so unless her periods are irregular, it's unlikely that she is only 8dpo whether or not you can get a positive that soon.

phantomnamechanger Mon 23-Jun-14 21:13:08

aside from the pg and the issue of the coil needing urgent medical appointment, is your boyfriend also sleeping unprotected with others as well as you? what about exH - does he have/has he had other partners since you? I can't believe you aren't more worried about STIs really.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 21:14:16

She could have ovulated later than normal whatever stress can delay ovulation so it is possible she was ovulating 8 days ago.

I think a dating scan and then re look at dates could help

<wonders whether to get optimistic about a fourth dc on my copper coil as the two posters here have done>

ShergarAndSpies Mon 23-Jun-14 21:30:21

A dating scan at this stage could be up to 7 days inaccurate as the foetus is so teeny tiny. A 6 wk foetus measures approx 2mm so v hard to accurately date to a conception day until 12wks ish.

CrispyFB Mon 23-Jun-14 21:31:32

So much depends on how close together the deeds were! If there was a week or more difference, the faintness of the test would suggest the later one, although sperm can survive for up to 5 days. Eggs can survive 24 hours, sometimes as much as 48 hours, so technically she could be 9 or even 10dpo.

Again with a dating scan at 6 weeks (most accurate until about 8-9 weeks +/- 5 days, then it becomes a much greater variance) - if there was over a week between sessions then it would be slightly more certain from that too. Although again there's the whole sperm living up to 5-7 days and the scans being out by a week. And if the pregnancy is not viable it might measure any amount of time behind as well.

So.. it's complicated grin but you can take an educated guess and say "balance of probability" from the darkness of the test and a dating scan. However it probably can't ever be 100% unless there's over 12 days between shags and the pregnancy is viable.

As has been mentioned, you can get a CVS to determine paternity but it's not without risk to the baby if you intend to keep it.

Barefootgirl Mon 23-Jun-14 22:43:44

To be honest, in the OP's shoes I would have a termination. Having a kid without knowing who its father is, or with a choice of fathers, is a bit off. Terminate this pregnancy, sort your coil and contraceptive methods out, and then start thinking about a family when you are a bit more settled.

LadyNexus Mon 23-Jun-14 22:47:28

Would one of those clear blue pregnancy tests that tell you how many weeks pregnant you are help?

If it's 2+ weeks then it's definitely the first guys.

Do you have he kind of relationship where you can talk about this with either/ both of the men involved?

It's always better to start honestly.

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Mon 23-Jun-14 22:48:48

Barefoot "a bit off"? hmm that's entirely for the OP to decide and your personal views on it should not influence her decision. What wouldnt be ok for you would be fine for plenty others. Please dont order someone to terminate a pregnancy based on your own ideals.

Sidthesausage Mon 23-Jun-14 22:49:34

I've spent years trying to conceive and read up a lot about conception to maximise chances.

- Ovulation usually happens mid cycle (day 14 in a 28 day cycle).
- you are fertile about 6 or days before till a day after ovulation
- implantation spotting usually happens day 7 till day 13.

Sidthesausage Mon 23-Jun-14 22:52:07

I'd say its the first guys.

You can't conceive when your period is due and it sounds like the light bleed was implantation bleeding.

Sidthesausage Mon 23-Jun-14 22:53:10

Dating scans can be inaccurate by quite a few days

TheEnchantedForest Mon 23-Jun-14 22:59:33

barefoot -that is one of the harshest comments I have ever read on here.

It really hope stateoftheart manages to ignore it and does what is right for her.

whatever5 Mon 23-Jun-14 23:34:08

She could have ovulated later than normal whatever stress can delay ovulation so it is possible she was ovulating 8 days ago.

It's obviously possible but if OP's periods are normally regular there's no reason why she should have ovulated later. OP hasn't mentioned that she was under extreme stress last month.

Bogeyface Mon 23-Jun-14 23:43:06

Look, chances are its the first guy. But it might, might not be.

So you need to make any decision based on those facts.

I have to admit that I am confused by your posts. Would you keep the baby if you could be sure that it was your casual hook up and definitely terminate if it was your ex husbands? In one post you seemed pretty certain that you would terminate but the fact that you are worrying about paternity indicates that you are considering keeping the baby.

Either way, there is a good chance you will be doing it alone so you need to think about whether you want to do that with possibly no involvement or support from the father.

ICanSeeTheSun Mon 23-Jun-14 23:44:56

I would say going by the clear blue test you conceived 1-2 weeks ago making you 3-4 weeks pregnant.

I would say either of these men could be the father.

A DNA test will be the only way to find out who is the father but that's is 99.99% accurate.

If I had to bet though, I would say it's the first man child.

Bogeyface Mon 23-Jun-14 23:47:23

And also bear in mind that the men concerned can refuse to give samples for a DNA test unless ordered by a court or the CSA. So if you decide not to go down the CSA route, you may never know.

Greythorne Mon 23-Jun-14 23:48:51

I think you are asking the wrong question, OP.

The true question is: do you want a baby?

If so, you can go it alone. Or you can think about whether you want one of these men in your life for the next 20 years.

If you don't want to have a baby, stop worrying about paternity and have a termination.

whois Tue 24-Jun-14 00:02:20

Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

YoungBritishPissArtist Tue 24-Jun-14 00:18:49

I was just about to post what Greythorne said.

Never mind the father; do you want to be a mother?

Good luck whatever you do x

x2boys Tue 24-Jun-14 00:28:36

I agree with greythorne and young British piss artist do you want to be a mother ? If yes than you can worry about paternity later if not then its largely irrelavent good luck with your decision .

ILoveCoreyHaim Tue 24-Jun-14 00:29:36

My DO fell pg with DB2 on the pill so had the coil fitted then fell pg with DB with It in. Her strings vanished. This was in the early 90s

ILoveCoreyHaim Tue 24-Jun-14 00:31:01

Try again bloody autocorrect

My DM fell pg with DB2 on the pill so had the coil fitted then fell pg with DB3 with it in. Her strings vanished. This was in the early 90s

ILoveCoreyHaim Tue 24-Jun-14 00:34:27

Get a £1 test from savers. They showed up for me before i was even due on. Just them dip strips in the packet.

ILoveCoreyHaim Tue 24-Jun-14 00:36:07

Never mind just seen clear blue positive

Morloth Tue 24-Jun-14 02:58:22

No judgment because there is nothing to judge.

Coil/ectopic is main thing and if you are having sex with more than one partner you really need to use a barrier contraception. Because they could be as well and so on...

Pregnancy isn't the worst thing you can catch.

Cardinal Tue 24-Jun-14 03:14:54

Best of luck OP thanks

Happydaysatlast Tue 24-Jun-14 04:23:40

Op forget the father issue and concentrate on getting yourself to a doctor and making decisions on whether or not you wish to be a mother.

That's the first thing.

Chunderella Tue 24-Jun-14 08:33:11

I agree with phantom, you definitely need an STI test. The last thing you want is untreated chlamydia as well as everything else.

Showy Tue 24-Jun-14 11:44:20

You can conceive when your period is due, if you haven't ovulated yet. There's a thread on here at least weekly with a woman experiencing a very late period when she's usually regular as clockwork. Sometimes ovulation is delayed by stress or illness or occasionally for no discernible reason. The fact remains that the op does not know when she ovulated and for whatever reason, it's entirely plausible she ovulated recently.

This is not the pressing matter though. Seeing a gp asap and deciding what is right for her must take priority.

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