to feel uncomfortable about young child nude in the garden

(45 Posts)
mrsfuzzy Mon 16-Jun-14 23:54:19

went to a friends the other day for a bbq with family had a great time, as people started leaving my friends daughter [4] wet herself and proceeded to strip off in front of my family and hers, was i bu to feel abit uncomfortable about this, especially as their garden is over looked by a lot of windows and no effort was made to put a swim costume or undies on her, o.k probably being prissy but i had to take my kids and leave, my friend was ok with us going as the party was winding down but it seemed strange as there were several men present who were not family members and the fathers mates from the pub. aibu to feel awkward ? was abused as a child so possibly more aware of potential problems.

I'm afraid I think YABU. I was partly raised in a hot country where I - and many other young children - ran around naked at communal pools and on the beach.

People who look at young children sexually will do so no matter how they are clothed.

myusernameis Tue 17-Jun-14 00:01:39

Sorry but I agree with Pumpkin.

fortyplus Tue 17-Jun-14 00:02:05

4?? YABVU

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 17-Jun-14 00:02:15

At the age of 3 or 4 it would not have occurred to me or dd that being naked is a problem.

In fact even at age 10 she was very unselfconscious.

Jemimapuddlemuck Tue 17-Jun-14 00:02:17

I wouldn't think anything of it. But if you've been abused of course this is going to be a sensitive issue for you, totally understandable.

BrianTheMole Tue 17-Jun-14 00:03:24

I don't think its a major issue at 4.

fifi669 Tue 17-Jun-14 00:03:52

YABU.

Weathergames Tue 17-Jun-14 00:03:53

God I wish I could run around naked in the outdoors!

Nothing feels quite so free.

YABU!!

I think it's lovely seeing my Dd running around in the grass with her bum out! It's good for them too!

ColdCuppa Tue 17-Jun-14 00:05:21

YABU

My DC strip off and trot about naked or underdressed at the slightest thing. School and societal pressure will put a stop to it soon enough i'm sure, let them be care free for the tiny period they can.

The idea that all men are dangerous is damaging, and the facts remain that men in the family or more not less likely to abuse. I'm sorry for your awful experiences but I think in this situation YABU.

WorraLiberty Tue 17-Jun-14 00:05:51

I don't think the fact you were abused as a child makes you 'possibly more aware of potential problems'...more that perhaps it's clouded your judgement on innocent normality if that makes sense?

To be honest, the bit where you said it seemed strange as there were several men present who were not family members and the fathers mates from the pub ....is pretty insulting to the majority of the male population who are not child abusers.

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, given your own childhood abuse.

But small children running around nude, is as natural as anything to a lot of people.

slightlyglitterstained Tue 17-Jun-14 00:06:28

There's a communal pool in a local park. When there last weekend, it was absolutely heaving with kids, a fairly large number of them naked either while splashing round in the pool or running around after coming out of the pool. Nobody batted an eyelid.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel awkward - your feelings are your feelings and given your history, perhaps not surprising. I also don't think it was unreasonable for you to get out of a situation that was upsetting you.

You would be unreasonable to expect a four year old to cover up in those circumstances though.

You are not being unreasonable but perhaps your past abuse has given you a different sensitivity to something most people would find perfectly acceptable. I'm sorry to read that you have had bad experiences in the past.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 17-Jun-14 00:06:52

Well, I know here in the US it would be a pretty big faux pas to let your kid strip naked in front of everyone. I'd be a bit uncomfortable with it if I didn't know the child.

ColdCuppa Tue 17-Jun-14 00:07:02

And actually I think having to take your dc and leave because of this is an odd (but maybe understandable - I have no experience of the legacy of abuse) reaction.

Canthisonebeused Tue 17-Jun-14 00:07:46

YABU it's not an issue. I think it's a problem you had to take your family and leave too. I understand this is stemmed from your experiences. however having experienced abuse too, I think it's extremely important to try to find ways to recognise triggers and learn what is and isn't acceptable with own experiences aside in order to not allow my own experiences to impact or negatively shape my own dcs view of the world.

HygieneFreak Tue 17-Jun-14 00:08:46

Yanbu

I would of felt the same as you

mrsfuzzy Tue 17-Jun-14 00:08:59

thanks for your honest comments, i guess it worries me so much because of the abuse i suffered but also there are so many sick web sites about this stuff, those kids have parents, who is taking the photos/making videos and where are the parents when this is happening ? i agree kids should be free to be natural but it's a bit of a nasty world at times all the same.

WorraLiberty Tue 17-Jun-14 00:13:23

It is a nasty world at times, you're right.

But the world can also be a wonderful place and many people do live happy, innocent lives within it.

Remember, we get to hear about the bad/sick stuff way more than the normal everyday happiness that does exist smile

mrsfuzzy Tue 17-Jun-14 00:16:22

having reread comments i've decided to take action and get some help, i've never talked about it before and yes, my judgement is clouded by my experiences, thanks to you lovely mumnetters telling me how it is i'm going to get this sorted and move on from the past, why should the bastard [long dead] still have a degree of control over my life ? i'm going to be a survivor not a victim any more. hugs and big thanks to you all x.

WorraLiberty Tue 17-Jun-14 00:19:29

Aww that's wonderful to hear OP smile

Don't let him affect you or your family. You sound very positive and that's a great thing.

Good luck flowers

wafflyversatile Tue 17-Jun-14 00:25:35

Good luck. And I'm sorry your experiences have cast a pall over such innocent events.

mrsfuzzy Tue 17-Jun-14 00:29:28

thanks, you are kind to be supportive.

myusernameis Tue 17-Jun-14 00:29:41

Good luck mrsfuzzy x

Canthisonebeused Tue 17-Jun-14 00:34:24

Good luck OP.

slightlyglitterstained Tue 17-Jun-14 00:40:31

Another good luck and flowers from me, mrsfuzzy.

Elderflowergranita Tue 17-Jun-14 00:42:12

Good for you mrsfuzzy. I agree with everything that's been said above.

You sound like a wonderfully strong person. Best of luck - this may be the beginning of shrugging off a huge and painful part of your past. x

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 17-Jun-14 00:44:17

Best of luck getting help op flowers

NoisyToyHell Tue 17-Jun-14 06:46:06

Brilliant OP, I really hope you get the peace you deserve flowers

fortyplus Tue 17-Jun-14 08:27:25

Good luck mrsfuzzy smile fwiw I think mine started covering up in the garden when they were 6 or 7.

There was once an issue raised re another pupil at their school and social services advised that most children will avoid being naked in front of others by the time they're 9.

Melonbreath Tue 17-Jun-14 09:02:03

Yabu for me, but with your history I'd say yanbu for you.

dd was charging about naked on the beach two weeks ago, she was so happy. I think it's a shame kids can't be
More naked. Where my mates live in Greece kids charge about the beach naked all the time, it's just the done thing.

callamia Tue 17-Jun-14 09:05:33

Good for you Fuzzy. Today is the first day of the rest of your life and all that...

everlong Tue 17-Jun-14 09:10:38

I think you're right OP.

I don't have any daughters but if I had and she had wet herself I would have changed her into clean knickers if there were other people at home.
Not because I have dubious thoughts about them but so they didn't feel uncomfortable.

capitalC Tue 17-Jun-14 09:11:21

yanbu i feel the same

m0therofdragons Tue 17-Jun-14 09:14:20

Oh blimey, my dc get naked all the time. Yabu to assume everyone is a pervert. They're in their own garden. Presume as you've had children you've seen them naked and I presume you don't see them as sexual shop why is there an issue? Dtds stripped on the beach last weekend and ran naked in front of strangers. They're children!

fromparistoberlin73 Tue 17-Jun-14 09:14:34

was abused as a child so possibly more aware of potential problems.

I am ever so sorry to read that OP, and I think this does condition your response. In general yabu, but I do understand why

good luck xxxxx

fledermaus Tue 17-Jun-14 09:15:27

My 4 year old is naked in the garden a lot and it wouldn't occur to me to insist he covers up. I think it's fine up until about 8/once the child is self conscious.

OwlCapone Tue 17-Jun-14 09:15:37

Good to hear, OP smile

I think your view is skewed by your experiences - everybody's view is skewed by their experiences! My personal experience is that it wasn't a problem when I was a child.

magimedi Tue 17-Jun-14 09:17:55

Very best of luck, Fuzzy & I hope you get all the help you need.

flowers

everlong Tue 17-Jun-14 09:22:15

Motherofdragons the OP was abused as a child. I think this could contribute to why she feels the way she does.

I wasn't abused as a child but I would still not let a daughter run around naked in front of anyone other than family. I know if my DH and 14 year old DS had seen this it would have made them uncomfortable.

I wouldn't let a 4 year old girl run around naked on a beach either.

ColdCottage Tue 17-Jun-14 09:29:04

YABU My DSis and I regularly ran around in the garden (and on the beach at times) with nothing on in the summer.

There is nothing wrong with nudity. Children should feel free to do this. I remember how much I loved it on a hot summers night if it rained, to take my nighty off and run round the garden in the nude. I probably did this until 7 or 8 when I started to get a bit shy.

Like others have said it is only a teeny tiny % of people who would look at children in an inappropriate way and would do this whatever.

Branleuse Tue 17-Jun-14 09:31:50

im glad youre going to try and talk to someone about your feelings here. Naked children is pretty normal and ok. The vast vast majority of people wouldnt even give it a second thought.
Im sorry you suffered abuse and its still affecting you now x

ColdCottage Tue 17-Jun-14 09:36:00

Sorry OP on first read missed that you had been abused. I am so sad about that but am pleased to read further down that you have turned a massive corner in your life to get support. That is wonderful and all from a thread here where you were able to express your worries.
I hope you get all the support you want. You are very brave to share this all.
Take care.

Good luck OP x

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