to think she should have said something?

(143 Posts)
janesxx Sat 14-Jun-14 23:33:01

so I saw my friend in the street and stopped to talk briefly, while we were talking this little boy (about 5/6) came out of nowhere, ran up to my 1 year old son, grabbed his head with both hands and kissed him on the lips!!

I was totally in shock at the way he grabbed him, his mother then walked past and said "aw he loves babies" and carried on walking.. I wish I had have said something now.. AIBU to think she should have told him NOT to grab random babies and kiss them on the mouth!?

bearing in mind my son has an autoimmune diseases and is extremely vulnerable to getting ill off germs (he has to have everything sterilized still and therefore I dont even kiss him on the lips!)

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Jun-14 23:38:59

It is a bit of an unusual thing to happen, and YANBU to be protective of your DS, but there's not much you can do about such a random event.

BrianTheMole Sat 14-Jun-14 23:43:21

It is random. The likelihood of that happening again is tiny. Its quite sweet really, but I see your point. Even though it would have been after the event maybe you should have explained to him.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 14-Jun-14 23:45:27

Should she have said ''that baby might have an autoimmune disease, don't go kissing babies on the mouth'. How do you know her son hasn't got learning difficulties?

It's a random thing, not much you can do to be honest.

Totally in shock is a bit of am overreaction to a small boy kissing your son

If germs are so bad you may need to think about more protection for him

petalunicorn Sat 14-Jun-14 23:52:45

My DS (similar age) went up to a one year old boy at top speed and ruffled his hair then raced off. The mum and I were both shocked, I hadn't known what he was going to do and if I was the mum I would have been worried he was going to hit him. I apologised, said he'd never done anything like that before (true) and caught up with DS. I asked him why he did it and he said that the boy just looked so cute that he wanted to, he said he'd never seen such a cute little kid (!). We had a talk about boundaries and I don't think he'd do it again but I guess these things happen with this age group (and the little boy was super cute btw).

janesxx Sat 14-Jun-14 23:54:39

just because he has something wrong with his immune system doesnt mean im not going to take him out the house? I didnt exactly expect that to happen! & I live next to a very rough estate and the kids there act appallingly so when that boy ran out of there and grabbed my son I was rather shocked how would I know what he was going to do?

BrianTheMole Sat 14-Jun-14 23:56:07

I'm sure it could have been put across in a simpler manner than that Funky regardless of learning difficulties.

FloozeyLoozey Sat 14-Jun-14 23:56:16

Op are you pulling our leg?

EyelinerQueen Sat 14-Jun-14 23:57:28

A germ ridden urchin from a rough estate????

You should have shot him on the spot OP. Bloody vermin.

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Jun-14 00:00:46

Aw, he was 5. Quite a sweet thing to do really. Better than clocking him one, or pushing him over.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:00:49

did I say any of that? NO.. I said a rough estate, nothing about the boy!

OohQuack Sun 15-Jun-14 00:04:08

I don't mind other kids coming and kissing/hugging/hair ruffling it's cute and they get to be social, he sometimesllet's them and sometimes pushes them away. He doesn't however have autoimmune issues, I may feel more tigress mother if he did

Viviennemary Sun 15-Jun-14 00:04:20

Well I'd think no harm done. And I suppose the child meant well. Would it have been better if he'd come from a naice estate and rushed out of a 4 x 4. I expect so.

No harm was done. It was a kiss not a wallop

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:08:56

the only reason I mentioned the estate is because the kids there sit and throw stones at passing cars/swear at people walking past and all sorts which made me wary! im not being stuck up because I came from a council estate, I didnt once say anything nasty about the boy & I DO think it is a cute thing to do but if I was the mother id have said no dont do that, im so protective because of his condition so people with negative posts eff off and stop trying to make ME look like the bad person. .

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:10:04

& yes I know its only a kiss but harm could have been done as my son can get very ill over germs that are harmless to other babies his age!

But you are saying it about the boy or you wouldn't be mentioning 'rough estate' and 'not knowing what he was going to do' - he's a wee boy who kissed a baby, there's no reason for shock

If he has a compromised immune system and he's only one years old maybe it would be better if he's in a buggy with a cover so that no one can kiss him

BolshierAyraStark Sun 15-Jun-14 00:11:59

Maybe she spoke to him when they got home.

It was harmless & really quite sweet-did your child enjoy it?

Iswallowedawatermelon Sun 15-Jun-14 00:12:44

I understand your concern but it could have been worse. The boy could have bit your boy!

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Jun-14 00:12:49

This is AIBU OP, so you really don't have the right to tell posters to "eff off" because they don't agree with you.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:13:04

by mentioning the estate im just saying I know what the boys there are capable of!

yellowrose2728 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:13:10

Please excuse my ignorance, but if your dc suffers from something potentially very dangerous, at 1 yo,would he not have been in a pushchair protected?

Not meaning to sound flippant by the way... Just to try and understand a little more smile

And you are responsible for looking after your son so if it's essential that he's kept away from germs you're going to have to put proper procedures in place.

You seem to have done nothing but take him outside, uncovered - and then stand by in shock when someone touched him confused

It makes no sense - what procedures do you have in place?

Why are his orifices not covered - nose, mouth?

yellowrose2728 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:14:39

X post laurie - glad I'm not alone in my thoughts.

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheReluctantCountess Sun 15-Jun-14 00:16:13

I agree; cover him if contact is such an issue.

mrssmith79 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:17:25

A boy of 5 that doesn't have impeccable social etiquette skills!? I don't believe it for a moment, it's unheard of shock

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:18:21

I never thaught id have to cover up his buggy because I never expected something like that to happen! I take all advice from his GP about how to protect him and not once did I think to cover up his buggy, especially in this heat

mrssmith79 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:19:34

Laurie it's not a button it's a thread to post 'concerns' on. Possibly in Site Stuff or Mumsnet Stuff.

Why didn't you say something to the child's mother yourself?

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:20:37

all of you who are criticizing ME for somereason need to take a step back because if you would have been in my exact pair of bloody shoes you would have wanted the mother to correct her son.

Nope, it's just you

Everyone else realised it's normal for 5 year olds to kiss babies without needing correction

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:22:51

hmm.. not really considering some commented saying otherwise

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:24:38

maybe if they know the baby but not random ones in the street, my son isn't even able to be vaccinated because of his condition maybe that child could have been poorly I wouldnt know!?

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That's right

You wouldn't know what illnesses humans wandering the street had

Leaving the fact that you are responsible for keeping your own kid safe

So do that

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:27:09

you think that I made this up? haha okay.. and if your implying that im lying about my sons condition aswell then you need to sort it out because that is sick!

yellowrose2728 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:27:51

I'm sorry but -depending on the severity of the illness - I would have covered my baby. If he was in a pushchair, surely,you would have seen this child long before to be able to move? It doesn't take a lot to say, "sorry but ds is poorly" unless you had your back to the approaching child.

A small child has no way of knowing how ill your baby is, so the 'blame' would lie with you.

Yabu.

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Jun-14 00:29:11

Well OP, now you know that young children can be unpredictable you need to take steps to protect your son when you are out and about.

What condition ?

Why isn't he in a buggy?

Why isn't he covered?

You said the GP told you what precautions to take - what were they?

Why didn't they include precautions to take while moving about in normal life on the streets where people with illnesses live?

yellowrose2728 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:31:08

I'm assuming that such illness would cause you (or ds) to be under a consultant? Have you contacted them? What have they said in regards to this?

BoysiesBack Sun 15-Jun-14 00:31:43

My 12 year old would probably run up to a random baby and kiss them. Or a random child/man/woman/dog/worm... (He actually has kissed worms on many occasions smile)

He has very severe LDs and ASD, no understanding of social boundaries etc and is extremely affectionate to anyone and everyone.

I understand that your son's condition makes you worry, it would me too, but you appear to be more angry about the mum not reprimanding the kid rather than concerned for your son's health, which I think is why most other posters have been a bit hmm.

It happened, it's over, there's nothing to be done about it now. Shrug your shoulders and forget it.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:34:19

the condition he has means that his immune system doesnt recognise the diference between foreign bacteria and normal body cells, meaning any time he gets the slightest bit of bacteria in his system his blood cells attack normal bodily tissue aswell as the foreign bacteria causing bleeding into the skin aswell as all his organs being attacked, it is called HSP and he WAS in a buggy not one health professional once told me to cover my buggy up!

sugaryonthesurface Sun 15-Jun-14 00:35:04

I do not think that if my child kissed a child in the same situation like that while the other childs mother was talking to someone,that I would make a big fuss of telling them off in front of you,especially if you didnt say or show any sign of being bothered. Yes I would probably say while walking away " we dont kiss people we dont know" I wouldnt be able to make the presumption that another child had any issue with their immune system by looking at them either so its not fair to judge the mother. The child was being nice and loving, the world needs a bit more niceness.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:36:39

yes yellowrose he sees an immunologist and I would only have contacted him if he HAD a flair up because of this which he DIDNT but he COULD HAVE. the kissing wasnt even the main issue it was the way he grabbed his head and pulled him towards him anyways! !

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:38:05

I didnt want her to tell him off I was just thinking she should have told him not to do that! im only saying this because her saying aw he loves babies and smiling at him is more or less encouraging him!

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 00:38:11

Bloody hell. OP, I'm not really sure why people are so accepting of this. I actually think the mother should have told the boy not to approach and kiss random strangers. He may only have been 5 or 6 but unless he has SEN he is old enough to know that you don't do that.

I wonder if the boy was actually younger than he looked- it does seem slightly bizarre for a 5 year old. But then if the mother only says 'aw that's sweet' then I guess he won't be taught appropriate boundaries.

Ok, well that means that it will clear up inside a month

So he should be taking precautions for that month and stay at home or be in places where he is covered.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:41:26

THANKYOU MRSKCASTLE. I should have known not to post in this section where you just get picked apart and accused of lying about your son having a disease, all I was asking was she told him not to do that, BECAUSE some babies like mine do have problems which is a perfect example of why she should have told him no..

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:42:43

what are you talking about a month? HSP is a self limiting disease (my son has had it for 9 months now) and I have spoken to mothers who have children who have had it 10 years!

SaucyJack Sun 15-Jun-14 00:43:11

I haven't got anything sensible to say so I'm just gonna link to this.

Chippednailvarnish Sun 15-Jun-14 00:44:25

If your son's health is so fragile, you should have been watching him properly.

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 00:44:49

Oh my dh has a low immunity due to chemo treatment op. A few idiots think he should live his life indoors too.

Dd 6 has ld and no social boundaries I would and have explained you don't approach unfamiliar people

But she does not understand due to her cogcognitive thinking not being what ours is, I certainly wouldn't tell her off for it though.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:46:44

brian have you been told to cover their buggy? sickens me that people are going on as if ive purposely put my sons health at risk

m.kidshealth.org/parent/medical/heart/hsp.html

I don't understand confused

The above article about your sons condition says you only need to take precautions for a month

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 00:48:26

Its my dh op grin Imagine putting him in a buggy and covering him. He'd look very silly grin

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:52:40

laurie when he first got diagnosed my doctor also told me it would only last one month to six weeks, when he still had it seven months on he rendered me to an immunologist where they told me there it is self limiting and it can last from a week to your whole life, not much research is being done on the disease as there isnt many people who actually have it but not one peroson I have spoke to has only had it for a month, especially if there is renal involvement, plus you shouldnt believe everything you read online

yellowrose2728 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:52:56

BriantheMole - I certainly wasn't saying that op should keep her ds indoors. But I'm sure your DH knows what he can do to minimise risk of infection, therefore all (or most) bases would be covered.

At no point have I said it was acceptable for a random child to come and kiss her dc, however, if it was my dc with this illness, I would take extra precaution when going out.

No offence has been meant with my posts.

Of course, if you don't like alternative opinion - post in chat, not AIBU.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:53:34

rendered was meant to say referred

Perhaps it would be better posting this in children's health as you said the GP has not discussed precautions for going outside with you

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 00:58:53

I wasn't referring to you particularly yellow rose. I was actually thinking back to a recent thread where someone took their child out with active chicken pox. But in fairness to the op, I wouldn't expect some random person to come up and kiss my child. Because its never happened to me. Not without people asking if they can touch first. Its just one of those rare random things that you wouldn't expect to happen.

kali110 Sun 15-Jun-14 00:59:30

I don't think yabu at all

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 00:59:55

no I have discussed everyhing with him and he said nothing about when I take him out! your just making this all about health as you accused me of lying the main thing is all the post was about was a thaught she should have told her son not to kiss random babies!? when my son is that age if he does that then I will surely correct him end of!

You have no idea whether she talked to her 5 year old afterwards about kissing babies.

I think you have to get used to the fact that 5 year olds are often unpredictable - you will understand that when your child gets to 5.

And because they're unpredictable if your child has an illness that could be provoked if it comes into contact with germs outside you are the one responsible for those precautions.

And you're right - I don't believe you.

Because it seems utterly crazy to me that someone would whine on about telling off a 5 year old without taking simple precautions with their own child's health confused

Your priorities are all wrong on this thread

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:12:46

your the one dragging it on trying to cause an argumentnt! I asked was I being unreasonable? some say yes and some say no so deal with it. im done now, if your child ever got ill and you have to put a great deal into looking after them every day and someone accused you of LYING about it then youd feel as angry as I am now. you are absolutely pathetic

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 01:14:23

So what simple precautions should the OP have taken? Should she cover her child every day in the pushchair, just in case a random child kisses him? Is that event so common as to be expected and planned for?

I would never expect a 5 year old to do that. A toddler maybe, so I might be on high alert around toddlers who are grabby and poke you or kiss you without warning. But no way would I expect a completely strange child to kiss my child in the street.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:17:48

exactly! its never happened before and probably wont happen again, how can I cover him in this heat and so all he sees everywhere is a blanket..

Yeah well sounds like a lie when you go on about expecting 5 year olds to be told off rather than taking any precautions whatsoever and standing there 'in shock' when your child was kissed by another child.

A clear rain cover over a buggy is the best thing - you get ones with vents for cooling

Not blankets obviously

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 01:21:16

I'll ask again- what precautions should the op have taken?

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:21:28

I take the proper precautions every day and not one health professional has told me to cover him up, if it sounds like a lie then how is it you find it completely ordinary for kids to kiss random babies? and if you've read anything ive said I didnt ask for him to be told off

I keep cross posting with you

In your title you expected her to have said something ie. telling off

And you said 'she should have told him NOT to grab random babies'

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:24:26

but it doesnt say telling off does it. in my comments I stated she should have 'told him not to do that' that is all

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:24:59

yes that isnt telling off..

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 01:25:07

X-post.

Right- so the OP's child should be kept under plastic? No matter how well vented the cover might be, they're not designed for sunny days!

I know this thread is fast deteriorating but I still can't help but agree with the first post- the other mum should have said something to her child about his inappropriate behaviour. Or at least apologized to the OP.

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:28:04

I don't think a clear rain cover would be a great idea in this heat confused. Although actually op, I did have a mosquito cover when dc where babies. It was passed on to me and it was made of white net, like a net curtain, with elastic all the way round the edges. It was probably home made, but it was lovely for hot days anyway. It would be very easy to make.

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 01:28:12

LaurieFairyCake If you were the other mum, how would you have reacted to your child's behaviour- grabbing and kissing a strange (and much younger) child?

And as lots of people have said:

It's a random event

The other child may have sen

We have no idea what she said to the unpredictable 5 year old afterwards

That it's an overreaction to be shocked as sometimes other small children kiss other small children

And that given that small children are unpredictable if your kid is ill then you have to take precautions yourself as unpredictable things happen

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:30:26

Well Laurie, if my 4 or 6 yr old had done that, actually I would have told them off. Not in a shouty way, but definitely not to do that without asking first.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:31:45

shocked at the way he ran up and grabbed his head and pulled him like I said earlier.. and like I also said the mother practically praised him for doing it

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:32:54

Small children do kiss other children, mine cuddle their friends all the time. But going up to a pram with a baby they don't even know in it? They don't do that. Most don't.

I would likely have apologised and explained - but that's because I provide respite to unpredictable children

What I wouldn't do is take an immuno compromised child out without a cover (and a mosquito type voile is a great idea) and expect the world to notice the child has additional needs - the baby being touched by strangers and other children is a completely normal event.

MrsKCastle Sun 15-Jun-14 01:33:41

As would I Brian- I find it hard to imagine a parent not immediately saying something along the lines of 'we don't kiss people we don't know'. Of course they couldn't have known about the illness, but it's something that anyone would want to discourage- wouldn't they?

Once again I cross posted - I was typing my response before I saw your question

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:35:21

I dont expect the world to notice, he is just an example why kids should kiss random babies ...or their parents should tell them not to

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:38:19

So Laurie, I have no idea how old your dc are, or even if you have any, but assuming you do. Would you let your 5 yr old run up to a strangers buggy and do that, and not even say to them that they shouldn't do that? Which is the point the op is making really.

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:39:10

Oh ok, see you have actually said you would. So ignore that.

janesxx Sun 15-Jun-14 01:41:05

exactly that was what the original post was abou and ive got you criticizing my parenting. .. tbh youve avoided what the whole post was actually about and picked on everything else

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 01:50:28

Thats the beauty of MN op. Rarely a thread goes smoothly with people just answering the original post. grin

kali110 Sun 15-Jun-14 02:09:37

Clearly op your child should always be under a cover even when the weather is lovely. Its all your fault ��

differentnameforthis Sun 15-Jun-14 03:01:05

Wow, let's all pile in & have a go at a mum who is concerned about an incident regarding her immune compromised son!

No, it wasn't a huge deal, but that doesn't mean we need to take the tone that some of you have.

OP, chances are your little one will be fine. It's not ideal, but some mums don't see anything wrong with what that little boy did, because some mums don't have to contend with medically compromised children! It just doesn't occur to them that it is anything but cute that their little kid likes to kiss babies.

The chances are that he is in no more danger of catching anything from that little lad. Illness is a risk we take everyday, just sharing space with someone who has a cold can lead to us getting one.

I bet this doesn't happen again, so you won't need to take steps to prevent it happening again. BUT if you do see it could be likely to happen, just step in front of your son & say that he is poorly, so it isn't a good idea.

I am sorry you have had such a hard time here. MN isn't always that great, unfortunately!

differentnameforthis Sun 15-Jun-14 03:17:15

Yeah well sounds like a lie when you go on about expecting 5 year olds to be told off rather than taking any precautions whatsoever and standing there 'in shock' when your child was kissed by another child

Why are we blaming the op for this? My daughter is 5. She knows you don't run up to random people/babies/toddlers/dogs & grab them.

At 5 children are in school & able to follow basic instruction & remember that. If the child in question isn't able to restrain itself for any reason, then the parent needs to stop their child doing what this kid did. The simple fact is that we don't know who is sick & who isn't, who has allergies & who doesn't [for all we know the child could have a severe allergy & the older child could have had this allergen all over his hands] and it isn't acceptable to grab at a random baby because 'awww, he loves babies' . Hey, so do I..does that give me the right to kiss a strangers baby? No, in fact I would expect a parent to be pretty pissed off if I did so, so why not in this case?

What if it was a slap or a thump? Would it still be op's fault? No, it would be the child's & it's parents.

A clear rain cover over a buggy is the best thing - you get ones with vents for cooling Which are CRAP in the heat! And the cooling vents don't work in the winter, let alone the summer!

Op, if you really do want to get something (you shouldn't have to) you can get shade sheets for a buggy that fit like rain covers, only are much better for summer.

differentnameforthis Sun 15-Jun-14 03:18:37

In your title you expected her to have said something ie. telling off

It is perfectly possible to tell your child not to do something without telling them off.

CheerfulYank Sun 15-Jun-14 03:35:01

My son is almost seven and I'd have been shocked if he'd done this at five.

I would have said "Oh, I'm sorry" and told my DS "It's nice that you like the baby but we don't kiss people we don't know."

humblebumble Sun 15-Jun-14 04:28:39

My DS is 4.5 he is extremely over loving and touchy and he does kiss children (in fact he did it today to a 1 year old and the parents thought it was really cute). I apologized to the parents (and child) and explained to my DS that he should keep his hands/lips to himself and that it wasn't appropriate to kiss someone he doesn't know with out asking. He does have some SN however that doesn't mean that it's okay for him not to have boundaries explained to him. He also looks like he is 6 or 7 so people expect more from him.

I did this without knowing whether the other child had an immune deficiency and I also explained this to my DS with out it being a big display in front of the other parents.

I think you are overreacting because of your fears for your child. You have the right to vent on an internet forum, however, don't expect everyone to agree with you. You also do not know what was said to the child after they went past you, perhaps she explained it to her child out of ear shot.

drivenfromdistraction Sun 15-Jun-14 04:59:39

Yanbuby OP and some posters on this thread are very nasty.

sebsmummy1 Sun 15-Jun-14 05:33:39

Bloody hell this thread reads like an episode of Big Brother. The OP writes something entirely reasonable and gets accused of trolling and has her parenting ripped apart.

I agree that if my son approached a baby and grabbed hold of it's face to plant a big kiss on it's lips I would apologise to the Mum and tell my child that wasn't appropriate as the baby was very little. But then I haven't got a huge chip on my shoulder about council estates or most children having special needs, hence why I'm able to post like a normal, rational being on this thread.

DandyDelores Sun 15-Jun-14 06:06:59

OP, YANBU. The mother really ought to have told her child not to do that.

Imsuchamess Sun 15-Jun-14 08:27:36

Dd has asd she is likely to do this and is nearly 5. While I watch her closely she does escape I would get a high buggy op one that isn't close to the ground so your baby can't be grabbed by mucky children.

Imsuchamess Sun 15-Jun-14 08:32:58

here I have this one and grabby mucky children cannot reach my dd no need to cover him.

QuizzicalCat Sun 15-Jun-14 08:50:37

YAN

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 15-Jun-14 08:51:34

Sebsmummy.

Noone has said most kids have SN.

People only ever say it when a child behaves in a way that is typical of SN.

Lack of social awareness and behaving inappropriately is a feature of ASD/LDs.

Although if child is 5 or 6 it could be either as they are young.

People are allowed to.mention that aspect.

So maybe it is not them who has chip on shoulder given the snippy tone of your post.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 15-Jun-14 08:53:07

As for OP. Its hard that that would affect your son.

But you need to protect him if he is at risk.the mum didnt know that your son has this issue.

She just thought he had acted in a slightly daft soppy way.

Which wouldn't freak.most people out.

Although you obviously had reason to be concerned.

PitchSlapped Sun 15-Jun-14 08:59:39

Thats aibu for you op all the twats come out to play. Are trollhunting rules suspended at night then laurie or are you just above them?

QuizzicalCat Sun 15-Jun-14 09:00:59

Sorry, phone had a conniption.

YANBU op.

I wouldn't expect a random five year old to grab my child in her buggy and do that, and even though she is two I wouldn't expect my dd to do that to another child, let alone at five. If she did I would apologise and tell her not to do that.

Laurie has made a great show about how you, as a parent, are completely responsible because you know he is immuno compromised.

She also said she offers respite care to unpredictable children and to paraphrase, people should know children are unpredictable so shouldn't be shocked if things like this happen.

She made it sound like it was your fault for not predicting what an unpredictable child could do.

But that's NOT your responsibility, it's the responsibility of THEIR parent or care giver. It is down to them to assess the potential for behaviour in a situation and to attempt to mitigate it.

You can't tell other people they should have anticipated and planned for the behaviour of another, unknown, child. If you know your child is unpredictable then it's down to you to put safeguards in place. Not just say 'my child is unpredictable, YOU should cover yours up to avoid MY child's behaviour.

Um, no.

andsmile Sun 15-Jun-14 09:02:10

YANBU given that you need to protect your DS from germs.

I quite protective bout personal space, I do kiss and hug people I know, so do my kids. I wouldnt be upset if someone kissed my toddler as such but rather they didn't really.

InspirationFailed Sun 15-Jun-14 09:05:06

My 1 year old had a compromised immune system for a while a few months back (thankfully he is better now) and not once was I told to keep him covered whilst in the pushchair - I was told to be sensible, ie avoid very crowded places, soft play, people who were unwell etc.

I would've been shocked if a 5 year old had run over and grabbed my child's head and kissed him. I wouldn't have been angry, but definitely surprised. I would've hoped the mother would have explained to him that some little children might be upset and frightened because he was running very fast and asked him to walk over slowly next time. Not told him off as such, but just asked him to be calmer.

I don't know why the OP got lots of bitchy comments, totally unfair.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 15-Jun-14 09:06:45

Some kids can suddenly act predictably no matter how much you are watching them.

Dd once just suddenly grabbed a womans boobs as we went past.

Which was embarrassing. Of course I grabbed her and apologised. (Yes DD has SN so cant really teach her not to in traditional way although we try)

So yes people should do their utmost to restrain their kids.

But sometimes they might break away. So I think rhe point laurie was making is that if it would be catastrophic for your child to be touched then you do need to try to protect against it because it may still happen even if parents try their best.

And also it may happen because some parents are slack.

I don't think she was victim blaming.

thegreylady Sun 15-Jun-14 09:09:29

I understand why you are so concerned but wonder if you can still get those 'cat nets' which you stretch over a crib or pram to protect a baby from insects or cats. They are fine mesh so baby could see out and get all the fresh air but woould be shielded from random touches.

RachelWatts Sun 15-Jun-14 09:15:11

Something similar happened to my DS1 when he was a toddler. He had a milk allergy - now grown out of - and the other child had fairly recently been drinking milk. We were so lucky he didn't have a severe reaction.

QuizzicalCat Sun 15-Jun-14 09:23:32

I think she was Fanjo. I think she was troll hunting, victim blaming, bullying and downright offensive tbh.

Of course parents can't always prevent unpredictable behaviour, but they can't tell other people to prepare for it and blame THEIR preparation if they don't. That's just ridiculous.

Boob lady could no more have predicted that your child would grab her than you did, it's one of those things. And you apologised - which is the whole point of the op.

To put another spin on it, if Boob lady had recently had a lumpectomy and your child had hurt her would you have told her she should have considered that a random child might grab her breast so she should have worn a protective box over them?

Of course not. You would have apologised. But applying Laurie's twattish responses to the open to your situation, boob lady should know that kids are unpredictable, and you shouldn't be expected to apologise or tell your child grabbing random people isn't right.

I can't believe any of us would just say 'he loves boobs' and keep walking, because it's not on. Neither is grabbing a random child by the head and kissing them. Both require an apology at least. Or is a child's body and personal space more public than an adults?

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HavanaSlife Sun 15-Jun-14 09:28:54

My 3 year old knows not to run up to random babies and kiss them, if for some reason he did run up to someone elses baby and kissed them I would apologise and explain to him that we dont do it.

Ds4 is 16 months and would not be very happy if a strange child ran up to him, grabbed his head and kissed him

HavanaSlife Sun 15-Jun-14 09:33:20

So go on then laurie tell us all how you know the op is a troll, its not like she has no posting history

freezation Sun 15-Jun-14 09:33:25

Slightly off topic OP but if you did want a great sunshade for your pushchair then get this: www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0081SIP0U/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1402821052&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40
I got one for a holiday and it was invaluable. You shouldn't have to cover him up but if you did want to in the sun this works well and he can still see out.

havana - yes, it's been such an exciting week. From her dh leaving for cheating , to then deciding to stop contraception, to the new birth plan wink

SinisterBuggyMonth Sun 15-Jun-14 09:41:09

Actually the OP was extremely defensive from the off, and started telling anyone who didn't agree withe her to "eff off" on the first page.

sebsmummy1 Sun 15-Jun-14 09:42:07

So assuming the five year old child who did the kissing did have SNs, would it still have been appropriate for the mother to laugh and say he loved babies? Or might the Mother have apologised anyway, particularly since I assume the OP probably looked bloody horrified?

sebsmummy1 Sun 15-Jun-14 09:43:21

I thought troll hunting was against Mumsnet T&Cs?

It is and why I reported myself grin

QuizzicalCat Sun 15-Jun-14 09:51:10

Why not just report the op? Then IF you are right they would have been deleted and saved everyone's time.

Or was it more fun to stir things up for the sake of it? Oh wait... Isn't that what trolls do?

Not exactly covered yourself in glory really.

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Jun-14 09:51:28

I don't see why posters who don't agree with the OP are getting such a hard time.

A 5 year old kissed a baby. It is only of any note whatsoever because the 1 year old has autoimmune diseases. It is important that the OP takes steps to protect her child.

Her gripe seems to be that the mother laughed it off. How do we know it wasn't out of embarrassment and that she had words with her child after the event?

Seems a lot of fuss about a cute action, and it is up to the OP to be aware of what is happening to her child.

Maybe now she'll be more alert to potential problems, which may actually be a good thing.

DontPutMeDownForCardio Sun 15-Jun-14 09:51:49

Stop fucking troll hunting laurie. You've been here long enough to know its against the rules. Or didn't you read the troll hunting part?

quiz - because on a Saturday night threads can't get deleted as they can't check so reporting doesn't do anything - which is why we get late night trolls on weekends

and your right dont - I shouldn't be, just got pissed off at 2am

sebsmummy1 Sun 15-Jun-14 09:58:54

I'm not sure in the setting the OP describes I would be mad happy about a five year old rushing over and holding my one year olds face to plant a kiss either, and I'm lucky enough to have a pretty healthy 18 month old.

In a soft play setting or nursery set up you expect that sort of interaction, but just sitting in a pram, I don't know, I think the baby is more of a 'sitting duck'.

As an aside I also have one of those mozzie net type things that could give your child some protection just simply because they will be more hidden. I also have a pushchair that has the child sitting high up, so I guess that's another consideration if you can afford to replace your pram.

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 10:01:23

How do you know shes a troll Laurie? confused. She has posting history and her story is plausible. Anyway, report it if you think she is, rather than troll hunting. I think you're just victim blaming personally.

I think I can see this from both angles.

OP obviously you want to protect your child which is understandable, especially with their current condition. The thing is though, you don't know that the mother of the other child didn't say anything later. Also some children can look a lot older than they are. You say 5, but they may very well not have been.

MissDuke Sun 15-Jun-14 10:22:15

SEN is not an excuse for a parent to not teach their children appropriate boundaries. Though it does annoy me that it is always assumed in these events that the child has SEN anyway! My eldest daughter has SEN and absolutely did not respect boundaries/personal space until she was 5 or 6, but I knew this so kept her very close to me. When in softplay, she would plonk herself down on a random daddy's knee much to his horror, or join another family at their table and ask for a share of their lunch :-/ She was very charming so when we called her away etc often they would say she was fine where she was, but we did insist in order to teach her. We were lucky to generally encounter nice people though. She also was known to run up and hit children, which was awful, so like I say, I kept her close. I also have a 5 year old boy and he wouldn't dream of going near random people, and won't kiss me in public never mind another child.

Gosh what a waffle! Just wanted to add it is ridiculous to suggest that this is the op's fault. b
it is not a 'normal' occurrence and therefore could not have been predicted by the op.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 15-Jun-14 10:24:05

It wasnt assumed.

It was mentioned as a possibility as people identified with the behaviour. Which is allowed.

And all degrees of SN are different.

Just because your DD could learn a boundary at a certain age doesn't mean others could.or indeed ever could.

PossumPoo Sun 15-Jun-14 10:49:30

YANBU. I can't understand posters saying aw that's cute etc. I would have been furious especially given the circumstances and would have told the parent.

usualsuspectt Sun 15-Jun-14 12:06:32

I stopped caring when you said he came from a 'rough estate'

I8toys Sun 15-Jun-14 12:12:10

YABU - take it he doesn't go to playgroup, nursery or mix with others because of his condition. He will come into contact with other children at some point and they will share all sorts of bodily secretions - snot mostly. Oh and nits and worms.

ikeaismylocal Sun 15-Jun-14 12:29:08

I don't think it would occur to me to tell my child not to touch or kiss a toddler, I am much more strict with the way ds interacts with newborn babies.

Is your pushchair parent facing? I find people interact much less with ds when he is facing me.

I will be more considerate when my ds interacts with other toddlers, I'm very aware of allergies, if ds has been eating strawberries and has strawberry juice on his clothes I'll ask the parents of the children he is playing with if their children are sensitive to strawberries, when we play with his friend who is allergic to eggs I don't give ds eggs even for breakfast as the likelihood of them kissing each other or putting fingers in each other's mouth is pretty high. I hadn't considered weakened immune systems but I will in the future.

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 13:10:56

I8toys, thats not really the point is it. No doubt the op will find strategies to deal with that in the future if its still necessary then. At the moment she's asking whether the other mother was unreasonable not to say anything to her child about coming up to a random baby in the street and kiss him/her. Which she was.

I8toys Sun 15-Jun-14 13:23:13

No Brian - the OP should have opened her mouth and should have asked the lady nicely to please not let her son do that because......and explain the situation.

We can all communicate. Most mums would not think anything of it - having had children we know what they are capable of.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sun 15-Jun-14 13:39:39

Ive never heard of kids being unable to be kissed from HSP before now! Ive looked after several!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sun 15-Jun-14 13:44:52

And the younger they get it generally effects them less severely and less seriously.

Roundedbuttocks90 Sun 15-Jun-14 15:06:25

You should see what my DSD does to 11 MO DD!! It would be nice if she grabbed her to kiss her on the lips instead of pulling her off the end of the bed by her feet!!

BrianTheMole Sun 15-Jun-14 17:57:07

Do you let your child wander up to random babies and kiss them then I8toys? And leave it up to their parent to say something to you before you say anything to your child??

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