To think a friend wouldn't make fun of what you wear?

(52 Posts)
TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 13:54:18

Just a couple of examples -

I wore a beaded band around my head on a night out. Friend came late and shouted - what the fuck is that on your head.

I worn my Barbour coat with some Chelsea heeled boots and she mentioned at least twice how I looked like I was going horse riding.

I don't comment on what people wear (unless it's a compliment) and her comments will be put down to banter and me not taking a joke.

Aibu and too sensitive?

Chocotrekkie Fri 13-Jun-14 13:55:45

I think the horse riding one isn't too bad (nothing wrong with riding) but "what's on your head" is just rude.

saltpotlady Fri 13-Jun-14 13:56:16

I've just posted a very similar thread about a so-called friend of mine, who always comments on what I look like.

Perhaps we should introduce our friends to each other;sounds like they'd get along grin

sarahquilt Fri 13-Jun-14 13:56:34

She's jealous.

BlameItOnTheMoonlight Fri 13-Jun-14 13:57:24

I think, as a friend, she probably owed it to you to be honest if you looked silly (and, to be fair, the description sounds like maybe she had reason). However, there is a fine line between banter and mean. Perhaps she missed the mark?

Blindlyshining Fri 13-Jun-14 13:58:33

Oh I don't know.

I try and wear clothes that hide my fatness suit my shape and I suppose I'd really want to know if something I thought was flattering made me look grotesque. Or if what I thought was a bit boho actually screamed grandmother hand downs. I wouldn't expect a friend to mock me for having a different style, but I would like them to tell me if I looked ridiculous.

Welshmayhem Fri 13-Jun-14 13:58:39

Don't suppose you have recently tried to change your look and she feels a bit threatened by the "new" you?

I'm kind of speaking from bitter experience here.

TurtleyAmazing Fri 13-Jun-14 14:00:05

The thing i love about my friends is they are brutally honest and won't hesitate to tell me if i look like a knob.

Just like how they wont hesitate to tell me if i have something stuck in my teeth or have forgotten to use deodorant.

In return i do the same. my friend had some black and white stripey jeans on and i called her the doppler effect (big bag theory reference) all night. she didn't take it personally. I'm her friend and love her to bits and she knows this.

I think you're being a little too sensitive.

Hissy Fri 13-Jun-14 14:00:20

Is there some kind of 80s revival going on then? Headband? No!

<sorry, but someone had to tell you>

smile

momb Fri 13-Jun-14 14:00:21

She has the northern wit. It's banter and she is trying to compliment you. Tell her that you don't get it and it hurts your feelings: she'll be mortified and stop it straight away.
It took me over 20 years to stop insulting strangers in an attempt to be funny and complimentary.

yanbu
I had a "friend" like this. It is a very passive aggressive way to behave. If I allowed any comments of such sort towards her, she used to get offended. I had to distance myself eventually from her , as this kind of comments moved on from my looks and style to my marriage and my job. Some people are just nasty for a sake of being nasty.

TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 14:02:41

www.polyvore.com/gold_jewel_tri-headband/thing?id=58101630

On my ipad so can't post photos or a clicky link. But it was like that but more subtle.

I am 20 btw

mommy2ash Fri 13-Jun-14 14:04:31

I would tell my friends if I thought they looked funny. I had one friend who thought it was acceptable to go every where covered in dog hair and smelling like horse shit. yes I told her.

TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 14:05:22

Don't suppose you have recently tried to change your look and she feels a bit threatened by the "new" you?

I'm not sure, I usually dress quite drab and safe - think black dress on nights out, jeans and tshirt as casual. So sometimes I try different looks as to not be boring.

TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 14:06:45
RoganJosh Fri 13-Jun-14 14:07:08

Head band is lovely.

I would guess she's jealous. Or trying to be funny and missing.
I wouldn't be happy if someone made either of those comments to me.

TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 14:08:04

I would tell my friends if I thought they looked funny. I had one friend who thought it was acceptable to go every where covered in dog hair and smelling like horse shit. yes I told her.

Isn't that different surely? That's a hygiene issue.

LangenFlugelHappleHoff Fri 13-Jun-14 14:12:26

I would just laugh it off tbh. I had a friend who used to constantly put down what I was wearing only to mimic an outfit the next week. It was really frustrating but in the end I would just give a little quip back and move on.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Fri 13-Jun-14 14:16:21

I'd accept it if a friend said I was wearing something ill-advised or unflattering. But only if it was put politely and they pretended to have some care about my feelings. This friend doesn't give a shit about how what she says affects you and is determined to humiliate and embarrass you. Tell her, that with her most regrettable dress-sense, she should try looking in a mirror some time. And then tell her to go fuck herself.

justfoundout2014 Fri 13-Jun-14 14:20:54

I had a friend like that. Note use of past tense. She prided herself on being outspoken, and could be very funny, but often over-stepped the mark. I went on a weekend away with her and some other friends once and we got talking to an assistant in a clothes shop. Gobby friend told assistant that she had instructed us all to dress up for the occasion. She then eyed us all, looked at me and said, "I'm a bit disappointed in her, though." I just stood there, smiling weakly. Fwiw, I was sort of in my work clothes, so smart but not massively trendy, but I was 14 weeks pregnant (she knew) and at that bloated stage where nothing really fitted, but I wasn't ready for mat wear.

That wasn't even funny, was it? Another time, in a changing room, she ripped my vest apart, literally, because she didn't like it.

Wow - writing it down I can only think "what a bitch!"

AbbeyBartlet Fri 13-Jun-14 14:23:05

Depends on what sort of relationship you have with her.

I would say that sort of thing to my friends, and so would they, just because we take the piss out of each other.

I probably wouldn't if it was likely to cause offence though.

BrianTheMole Fri 13-Jun-14 14:28:53

Jealous.

UnderEstherMate Fri 13-Jun-14 14:35:29

Hmm I'm not so sure, it all depends on what you're like as a group. I would say similar to some of my friends as they would with me. Others, who I know to be quite sensitive, I wouldn't.

partialderivative Fri 13-Jun-14 14:35:55

Wouldn't you expect a friend to tell you what she honestly thougt?

Or would you rather they lied?

(This sort of crap just doesn't seem to happen when you are a bloke)

Veins Fri 13-Jun-14 14:39:29

You're 20 and it was a headband unless it had ears on it I'm sure it looked fine. She was being rude...call her on it.

TheWavesHaveCome Fri 13-Jun-14 14:45:46

Wouldn't you expect a friend to tell you what she honestly thougt?

*Or would you rather they lied?

I'd prefer people to be honest, but I think people mistake cruelty for honesty.

Before she even said hi she screamed what the fuck is that on your head and proceeded to laugh at me.

She wore coral jeans and she has red hair, I could have laughed in her face and called her a colourblind bitch ... But what would that achieve?

Virgolia Fri 13-Jun-14 14:45:53

Depends what sort of friendship circle you have.

Some friends can take the piss out of each other, because you're that comfortable with them.Me and my friends are able to say 'what the hell is that XX' and we'll all laugh and no-one is offended.

But in different friendship circles this would be frowned upon and people might feel hurt.

Just depends.

whiteblossom Fri 13-Jun-14 14:50:09

I had a 'friend' like this too, it was clear that she had a chip on her shoulder and her weight/clothes/age/money. She tried to pass it off as a joke or banter but she was pure jealous. After a year I snapped and dropped her and I told her why too! She once told me I wasn't allowed to outshine her...says it all, needless to say I turned up with bells on grin

It starts to wear thin, she's not really a mate. A mate would have more tact if something was wrong with what you wore. Anyways the headband is just her opinion.

Tell her to fuck off plain and simple.

casparthecat Fri 13-Jun-14 14:53:06

It depends on how the comments make you feel. In this case, not very good obviously.

I would give her a very wide berth and even considering dropping her to be honest. Life is just too short.

I'm sure you look lovely. smile

squoosh Fri 13-Jun-14 14:53:57

My friend wears a Barbour jacket and riding boots. The only horse she has ever been on are the ones you see on merry go rounds. I often ask her to saddle the horses and be quick about it.

She feels free to poke fun at me too.

We still manage to be true friends.

OnlyLovers Fri 13-Jun-14 14:57:06

I think the friend was rude. The examples people are giving about making fun seem to be in a context of warmth and banter, whereas the OP's description sounds as though the 'friend' was just making a scene and deliberately trying to show her up. And youse are being nasty giving the OP a hard time about her headband.

I only ever give compliments on how friends look; otherwise I don't comment. Although I am brutally honest if clothes shopping with friends, but that's different; your opinion is being sought.

ChickenMe Fri 13-Jun-14 14:57:14

I had a friend like this. Again past tense. I got fed up with her negativity. She often put me down, tried to start arguments and even started gaslighting in a way. She never paid me a compliment on my appearance or on anything I wore. I concluded she was jealous-when I lost a lot of weight she was the only person to think it was a bad thing. She is large and does no exercise and also not very appealing facially with the personality of a steam roller

defineme Fri 13-Jun-14 15:00:11

In my world the headband comment would have been met with a raised eyebrow and then I would withdraw from the friendship if it continued. I give an opinion if asked and I am polite. Very different to helpfully pointing out spinach in teeth or whatever. My friendships are based on mutual support and we have fun without resorting to insults.

TheLastQuestion Fri 13-Jun-14 15:00:14

Is she like this with other friends, or just you?

Like that with everyone = annoying personality trait
Like this only with you = bitch

I had a 'friend' like this through senior school. My mother would always console me by saying "she's jealous of you". I didn't see it. She was far prettier and more socially confident than me. Took me 16 years to realise that she actually was jealous (for the single stupid reason that my family had more money than hers, funny thing is I had never given it a second thought). I only realised when we came briefly back into contact years later and the comments started again. Only ever with me. Except I was more socially aware this time and picked up on the reason. And ever so politely cleaved her from my life.

ppeatfruit Fri 13-Jun-14 15:07:06

Does she do this to everyone in your group? Sometimes it's just a person's way and she might not realise it upsets people (esp. if they don't tell her!) . If not then I'd drop her she sounds insensitive and crass Tbh

saltpotlady Fri 13-Jun-14 15:07:13

They're just to me (I think)

ppeatfruit Fri 13-Jun-14 15:14:54

Maybe talk to your other friends and get their opinion. I know it's hard if you tend to go out together and the others don't agree with you (which would make them either blind or mean like her then you could drop them all and get some new friends grin) . But if they do then drop her!

PrincessBabyCat Fri 13-Jun-14 15:35:21

Depends on the friend. I tease all my friends, and they sling it right back or tell me to fuck off depending on their mood. smile

But I do try very hard not to tease friends that I know are sensitive or take things to heart. Or take my sarcasm literally.

I'm with TheLastQuestion though. Does she only do it to you, or is it an annoying trait she has? Either way you can tell her to cut it out and keep it in check.

MrsKoala Fri 13-Jun-14 16:04:03

Well in my groups/family we all talk to each other like that. It's considered funny banter. If someone had said that about my headband i'd probably banter back with 'it's called fashion, you may want to look it up because coral trousers really aint it' or something and everyone would have laughed.

I love fashion and in my younger days i wore some very out there ensembles. One birthday i wore a grey jumpsuit and everyone said i looked like an extra from Prisoner Cell Block H and broke into a rendition of 'he used to give me roses' (the theme tune) instead of happy birthday when the cake came out. i laughed. it was funny.

Once i had some shockingly bad highlights done and a layered cut which looked like a 70s mullet. I walked into the pub and everyone started doing a slade dance and spoke to me in 70s glam rock song lyrics.

BUT when i met dh i used to tease him the same way, the only way i knew how to interact really, and one day he sat me down and asked me why i was bullying him. I felt mortified. I thought we were having a laugh. So now i tone it down and only do it with people who i know are up for it.

I'd also think it was funny banter

When I was young I wore a daft hat. One of my male friends was a bit pissed and took exception to it. So he took it off my head and peed on it grin

It was bloody hilarious

Yeah, just banter - can imagine me and one particular friend doing this to each other.

You should have relied with I'm wearing a headband but when did you turn into an oompah loompah or something like that!

I agree friends should be able to give their opinions.. but not when you are already actually on the night out FFS. Yes have a quiet word if you're all getting ready to go out and someone tries a look that doesn't suit them, but what is to be gained by blurting it out in the pub once the person's already out and can't change it apart from being a total bitch

MrsKoala Fri 13-Jun-14 16:35:45

No way Trevor. i'd be much more offended if someone earnestly took me aside and told me something didn't suit me. I'd much rather a jokey blast of 'wtf is that on your noggin!!' so i could laugh along and then reassess later and discretely bin if i thought any merit in their opinion.

squoosh Fri 13-Jun-14 16:47:19

Me too MrsKoala.

WaitingForMyMam Fri 13-Jun-14 16:57:53

I think those saying 'it was just banter' should give the OP some credit. Most of us know when something is banter and when it is overstepping the mark. If you felt she was being unkind, she probably was, OP.

Ourma Fri 13-Jun-14 19:55:55

Bet your very pretty, can pull these things off and she is jealous. She was mean but maybe she's very insecure about her own apperance?

SanityClause Fri 13-Jun-14 20:04:58

If your so-called friend doesn't share your dress sense, they should STFU about it. What does it matter if they don't like your style? Who made them the arbiter of good taste?

(Telling you your dress is tucked up in your knickers, or you have spinach on your teeth is obviously fine, and an act of kindness.)

Benchmark Fri 13-Jun-14 20:08:08

Sounds like jealousy to me. You should be able to experiment with fashion without being ridiculed. And people who say she's just being honest - well you weren't asking her opinion and it would be damn boring if everyone wore the same dull clothes just to blend in.
I love it when people try new looks and admire people who make an effort. YANBU.

Primadonnagirl Fri 13-Jun-14 20:09:43

This is how I met my husband. He told me I looked a right bugger in my big grey coat...he was right! But I'm so glad I wore it otherwise we might never have spoken!

MiniatureRailway Fri 13-Jun-14 20:12:50

Ooh I like the headband OP. Sounds like she is calling you out to try and embarrass you / make you feel small.

olivespickledonions Fri 13-Jun-14 20:14:13

Toxic friend alert!
I had a friend (no longer) who actually said to me after my wedding, 'what the fuck was that song you had your first dance to?' !!!!

MegThePeg Fri 13-Jun-14 20:31:20

I think it's not what is said but how it's said, it's all in the tone of voice. Only u know how it was said but if it was said spitefully u need to say something or drop her as life is too short to be made to feel shit by a supposed friend.

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