to ask what is the most trivial reason you have ended a relationship

(603 Posts)
BauerTime Wed 28-May-14 17:05:21

Mine is for referring to the 69 position as 'summer of 69ing' and condoms ss 'rubber johnnies'.

It just made my skin crawl and there was no coming back from that!

Skid marks

Micro penis

One testicle

3 different relationships - all more than 20 years ago grin

BuzzardBird Wed 28-May-14 17:07:16

A very bad patchwork denim jacket that looked like he was going fishing (had lots of silly pockets on it). My desire was immediately extinguished.

Morgause Wed 28-May-14 17:08:05

He got a tattoo. <shudders>

Jurassic Park t-shirt

Hairy back. He was lovely as well. I was an idiot.

Fairylea Wed 28-May-14 17:09:13

Hugely awful of me but I once dumped someone after a few dates because I hadn't realised he was only 5 ft 2 (I'm much taller). He'd asked me out sitting down and when I first met him again it was a bit of a shock. I tried to get past it but I just couldn't. I spent the whole time trying to slouch and find somewhere to sit down.

A very long time ago, he got rid of his mohican; he just didn't look the same when he shaved it off and I stopped fancying him.


ThatBloodyWoman Wed 28-May-14 17:10:53

He applied moisturising cream to his legs, whilst trying to look seductive.To be fair, he was a male stripper, so I expect it probably worked for some.

calculatorsatdawn Wed 28-May-14 17:11:00

we had a disagreement about how good a football player micheal owen is. I don't even like football or know anything about it

SorrelForbes Wed 28-May-14 17:11:05

A dreadful laugh (not dissimilar to Janice in Friends but a bit deeper!). He looked like Justin Timberlake so I was probably very unreasonable!

Leviticus Wed 28-May-14 17:11:19

He kept a fluorescent tabard and flask in the door of his car in case of emergency.

SlimJiminy Wed 28-May-14 17:11:33

Fag breath.

orangepudding Wed 28-May-14 17:11:42

I dumped someone because he wore briefs. He had a green pair and I just couldn't get past a man wearing green briefs.

calculatorsatdawn Wed 28-May-14 17:12:25

leviticus that's brilliant! best reason to dump someone ever

DurhamDurham Wed 28-May-14 17:12:44

When I was in my late teens I once finished a relationship with someone when he came and knocked on my door when I had given him very specific instructions to wait for me in the car.

I'm a much nicer person these days grin

SlimJiminy Wed 28-May-14 17:13:02

Hahahahahahahaha @ Leviticus grin grin grin

Leviticus Wed 28-May-14 17:13:03

There is NOTHING trivial about briefs.

MamaLazarou Wed 28-May-14 17:13:18

He said things about Morrissey.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 28-May-14 17:13:28

He called a dressing gown a robe.

Leviticus Wed 28-May-14 17:13:51

There is NOTHING trivial about briefs.

Leviticus Wed 28-May-14 17:15:07

There is NOTHING trivial about briefs.

newsecretidentity Wed 28-May-14 17:15:12

Ok, apparently my standards have been too lax.

CabbagesAndKings Wed 28-May-14 17:15:13

He thought he was a vampire

Niklepic Wed 28-May-14 17:19:47

His chin annoyed me.

revealall Wed 28-May-14 17:20:01

His name. To be fair we had only been on one date but when he asked to see me again I envisaged having to tell people and I couldn't.

Cardinal Wed 28-May-14 17:20:08

Wouldn't go down on me.

Cardinal Wed 28-May-14 17:20:14

Wouldn't go down on me.

Berts Wed 28-May-14 17:21:23

He took me to TGI Fridays on a second date. I hate TGI Fridays - there's plenty of places just as cheap and not as nasty sniff

revealall Wed 28-May-14 17:23:30

I like briefs. Hate boxers with the enviable gap and hanging out bollock. Hate trunks as they look too tight,thick and unhygienic.

ThatBloodyWoman Wed 28-May-14 17:23:59

I had another one who called his car a motor.

And another who wanted to snog all the time.

vladthedisorganised Wed 28-May-14 17:26:15

Queueing up to buy Whigfield's "Saturday Night" single on the day it came out.

To be fair, he was also an arse who only dated me to be in with a chance with one of my friends, but the musical lack of taste was a clincher.

A few months later I came close to asking someone out purely because of the books and CDs on his shelves (lots of each). As it turned out, he was also ludicrously handsome - a pity he lived in Dublin and I didn't.

OnlyLovers Wed 28-May-14 17:26:28

grin at 'His chin annoyed me.'

Personally, I've only ever been the dumpee, not the dumper <<tiny violin>>

but I did once kick out a one-night stand because he refused to go down on me pity, it was in Nirvana's era and he looked a lot like pretty Kurt.

GottaGetThisOut Wed 28-May-14 17:26:34

My friend called time on a new bloke after three dates because he was rubbish at Crash Bandicoot.

SuburbanRhonda Wed 28-May-14 17:26:36

cardinal, what, twice?


eddielizzard Wed 28-May-14 17:27:16

didn't know how to drive his porsche. ugh gives me shivers and it was 15 years ago.

DurhamDurham Wed 28-May-14 17:28:49

Just remembered another......I ended another relationship because he kept pushing his glasses back on his face in a Clarke Kent type drove me mad. I used to want to scream " Leave your fucking glasses alone man!!"

But I didn't because I was already becoming a much nicer person grin

cantbelievethisishppening Wed 28-May-14 17:29:31

He had really small slightly chubby hands. I could not stop looking at them. blush

daisychain01 Wed 28-May-14 17:30:48

Non-removal of socks

Cardinal sin, end of

Cardinal Wed 28-May-14 17:30:59



About 6 times actually, more fool me! Was fine accepting blow jobs though!

JennyOnTheBlocks Wed 28-May-14 17:31:45

When talking about football, he referred to the team as 'we'

Proper grated my nips off it did

Also dumped a b/f on valentines day for giving me a soft toy with 'horny devil' emblazoned over the front of it - I burnt that on an open fire grin

daisychain01 Wed 28-May-14 17:32:45

Oops sorry not you Cardinal. I did mean cardinal, lower case, not emboldened.

madasa Wed 28-May-14 17:32:59

He called his underwear 'undies' and had antimacassars on his sofa ...I think I just died a little inside remembering that

numptieseverywhere Wed 28-May-14 17:37:09

he fed cannabis to his fish...
he smoked cannabis in bars and we got thrown out.
Actually, that's not so trivial

SlimJiminy Wed 28-May-14 17:44:07

Also dumped someone who made a "nym" sound before starting a sentence.

50KnockingonabiT Wed 28-May-14 17:44:12

his car, I say car, it was more of an ashtray on wheels. When I opened the passenger door fag ends fell out. The foot well was full, bleurgh

PipkinsPal Wed 28-May-14 17:47:21

Being told when having sex "It's just like shagging a school girl". I was 36 and he was 45 shock

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Wed 28-May-14 17:48:40

slimJiminy even reading and hearing that nym sound made me go eugh so YWNBU to dump! grin How annoying.

facedontfit Wed 28-May-14 17:51:07

I didn't like his anorak.

Got jealous of my cat love of my life and tried to push her off my lap.

weatherheather Wed 28-May-14 17:55:23

He wore tan shoes grin

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 28-May-14 17:56:56

CabbagesandKings I wonder if your vampire is someone I used to know... did he specifically think (and I mean really think) he was Angel from Buffy? To the point of learning martial arts and conspicuously doing a mysterious disappearing act in the middle of conversations?

thenightsky Wed 28-May-14 17:57:43

I noticed his dirty fingernails within 5 mins of start of first date. Couldn't take my eyes off them all night. All I could think was 'there's no way them fingers are going down my undercrackers'. I feigned sickness after an hour and called a taxi to take me home.

longtallsally2 Wed 28-May-14 17:59:18

grin at 'nym' - absolutely understandable.

Probably not trivial at all but I dated someone (chastely, but enthusiastically) one year in spring, and vividly remember seeing him come out of his house in summer in total horror, as he was wearing shorts and his legs/knees were just tiny compared to the rest of his body. They were so white too - they had clearly never seen sunlight before. I can't remember whether I actually got out of the car to finish with him, or drove for the hills, but I do remember those legs, very very vividly <shudder>. Shame. The rest of him was really nice blush

thenightsky Wed 28-May-14 17:59:30

CabbagesandKings Did you have a thread on here about your vampire? I seem to remember one a good few years ago where the OP had a boyfriend who wouldn't go out in daylight.

NotADaffodil Wed 28-May-14 18:00:00

His name was Dirk, I couldn't say it without sniggering

YouTheCat Wed 28-May-14 18:01:43

Was his surname 'Diggler', Notadaffodil? grin

I remember that thread. The one about the bloke who used to dress in black and talk about cannibalism?

Itsfab Wed 28-May-14 18:02:05

I can't think of anything sad. I really wanted to join in as well.

fluffyraggies Wed 28-May-14 18:02:16

He smelt of baked beans.

fluffyraggies Wed 28-May-14 18:02:38



ADishBestEatenCold Wed 28-May-14 18:03:39

Dreadful dancer, which by itself would have probably got him dumped, but ... worse ... he thought he was great and as he gyrated away on the dance floor with his arms and legs all shooting out in different directions, he would periodically flash medallion-man smiles at people, while pointing at them with both index fingers and rolling his eyes.

We had two or three really nice dates before dancing, but I'm afraid the relationship didn't make it past that evening.

scarffiend Wed 28-May-14 18:04:07

Incorrect usage of their, they're, there, and various others during text conversations. When he sent dirty ones badly spelt, it was over for me.

exWifebeginsat40 Wed 28-May-14 18:04:19

he shaved his beard off on Christmas Eve. i refused to look at him all through Christmas Day and finished with him on Boxing Day.

ThatBloodyWoman Wed 28-May-14 18:04:36

Make one up Its. smile

He had a beard.
Strange that I later ended up marrying a man with a beard....

NotADaffodil Wed 28-May-14 18:07:10

Was his surname 'Diggler', Notadaffodil?

Youthecat Haha no but it was pretty bad, when I met him I thought he was joking about his name and burst out laughing, was a bit blush when he showed me his credit card to prove it

NotADaffodil Wed 28-May-14 18:08:22

Scarfiend there is nothing worse than badly spelt dirty texts, complete turn off!

bumbumsmummy Wed 28-May-14 18:08:31

Big white hitec trainers with a huge tongue on them n skinny light denim jeans he thought he was Brian May wouldn't have minded so much but it was the nineties

NotADaffodil Wed 28-May-14 18:09:03


SteadyEddie Wed 28-May-14 18:09:29

He invited me over to look at his bike and actually showed me his bike in exact, mind numbingly boring detail.

I thought it was code for 'wanna shag'

He wore a jumper his mum had knitted, and he wore it alot

His lips were like sandpaper

And a different relationship ended because his mother hated me and thought I was a bad influence, he wanted to continue seeing me but tell his mum he'd dumped me. I got there first and dumped him grin

ClashCityRocker Wed 28-May-14 18:13:58

He said he was going out to buy my christmas present. I was skint and couldn't afford one for him, so dumped him to avoid buying one.

Tbf, we were only going out two weeks and were about 15.

Itsfab Wed 28-May-14 18:15:00

Got one!!! I didn't like his hair hmm.

Mind you I was still in love with my exsad.

Kittymautz Wed 28-May-14 18:17:59

I "met" a guy on Internet dating many years ago, we exchanged messages and he seemed nice, and looked good in his photo.

When we met it immediately became obvious why he was wearing dark glasses in his profile photo - he had really weird eyes. I decided to not be too shallow and give him a chance, but when he suggested going for a pizza, and I then suggested Pizza Express, he refused and took me to a really crap Pizza Hut. Final straw.

fluffyraggies Wed 28-May-14 18:18:41

Oh - and another one who, on our first proper date, took me to his house, sat me down, and talked me through FOUR photo albums of photos of himself. And i mean just him.

''This is me in the cadets. This is me with my bike. This is me with the new car. This is me in Wales. This is me in my new leather jacket. This is me, this is me, this is me ..... '' and so on. For 3 hours hmm It was our first and last date.

His name was Steve. He was deeply in love with himself.

Tryharder Wed 28-May-14 18:22:47

He said his favourite all time song was 'Come On Eileen' and he always had to get up and dance when it was played.

I ran like the wind grin

Grumpyrealist77 Wed 28-May-14 18:24:16

For attacking me with her handbag in a car park in front of all my stunned friends!
No risk of hurting me, but I couldn't get over the fact that a girl I was with lost control like that, let alone in front of my friends!!??
It felt quite obvious it was over, but she couldn't understand why it was such a big deal...
So not a trivial dumping in my book but definitely was according to her!

YouTheCat Wed 28-May-14 18:29:05

You lot have been out with some right weirdos. grin

The only person I ever dumped was my ex h and not for trivial reasons either.

I did refuse to go out with someone on the basis that they said my thighs were squishy.

yellowdinosauragain Wed 28-May-14 18:41:04

Simpsons boxer shorts. Just a massive massive turn off. I'd been quite up for it too but it was a total passion killer.

millionsofpeaches Wed 28-May-14 18:41:46

He looked like the talking statue head puppet thing from art attack. Oh and he tried the old, "oh sorry is that the wrong hole?" thing during sex. Oh and he drove while drunk.

Why did I go out with him in the first place? He had a really, really big knob! (I'd already seen it due to him being a rugby player. Why do they always get naked in pubs? )

CabbagesAndKings Wed 28-May-14 18:43:12

Jesus ooh I'm not sure...I went out with him when we were in our teens. He was normal at first but gradually it all came out, in the guise of a 'big secret' he had to tell me...also when he showed me his beautifully hand written 'vampire family tree' which he had mounted, tapestry like, on his wall. It had the normal names of his family along with their 'vampiric' names. For example 'John Smith' then in brackets LORD NIGHT TERROR.

He didn't last too long after that. He did watch a lot of Buffy but he liked Anne Rice etc too. And he used to be really chubby but I saw a FB pic of him recently and he's shaved his head and got a 6 pack. Going by what he had public, it seems like he still thinks he is a vampire.

Still wouldn't touch him with a bargepole

Smize Wed 28-May-14 18:46:41

Went on a date with a handsome, rugged man who repeatedly applied Lypsyl that was worn to a point like a little old lady's lipstick. He then asked me if I liked his new trainers, which he proudly announced he'd bought from the women's section as he had such small feet ... Didn't hang around to see if small feet = small willy thing is true grin

curiousuze Wed 28-May-14 18:49:52

cabbages you are killing me! grin tell me more!

When he said 'suck me off' when we DTD for the first time! Not got a problem doing it, but the way he asked ewwww blush

He also took me to his favourite 'restaurant' fecking Harry Ramsdens. The food was served on polystyrene plates!

GreatSoprendo Wed 28-May-14 18:55:24

Because my flat mate said he reminded her of Lionel Richie. I just couldn't look at him the same way after that. Kept getting images of that clay head from 'Hello'......

ProfPlump Wed 28-May-14 18:57:26

He killed my favourite pot plant when I went on holiday for a week and asked him to water it. I was stupidly attached to the pot plant. He was actually a great boyfriend in other ways... ooops.

CabbagesAndKings Wed 28-May-14 18:58:07


umm, well he had a sister who had moved away from home, and she came back to visit and I was invited round for a BBQ. He told me that I had to be really careful, because since the sister got her own place, she found it harder to control herself round humans.

Oh, and he had all these plans for the big night where I'd sneak out to meet him, so he could get into my knickers turn me into his immortal bride.

I actually went out with him for a good 3 weeks after he started on in this vein (excuse the pun) because my friends kept demanding more hilarious updates...

CabbagesAndKings Wed 28-May-14 18:58:56

ProfPlum what sort of plant was it? I get attached to pot plants too...RIP Mr Spider Plant, 1997-2005

worriedabout Wed 28-May-14 19:01:25

A guy who bought a mars bar to the theatre with him and a rucksack. It was just weird.

fairylea - DH tells a similar story about a girl whose legs just went on and on. Although he claims to be 5 foot 5 when he is standing really straight and with shoes on (every inch matters to sort people).

DocDaneeka Wed 28-May-14 19:01:29

Because he liked Morrisey. And brought me a tape to listen to.

worriedabout Wed 28-May-14 19:01:42

I meant short not sort

NickiFury Wed 28-May-14 19:02:37

The first time I met him he was looking hot in a rugby shirt and jeans.

When he turned up for out first date he was all dressed in black, with eye make up and a dangly shark tooth earring in.

I was mortified. Got very drunk, fell asleep in the car on the way home and never heard from him again, thankfully!

mumtosome61 Wed 28-May-14 19:10:31

Chewed his nails down to the quick
Drove his car like he was jerking off - gas on, gas off (never felt car sick before or since)
Genuinely felt his "prowess" (aherm) in the bedroom was worth telling everyone on a very early version of Facebook.
Lived a champagne lifestyle on a trainee teachers wage, but refused to admit he was a trainee and boasted to everyone that he was loaded (he wasn't).
THE WORST loser ever - he would regularly cheat in games with friends.

Oh, he was odious. And he felt for the next three years that the only reason I dumped him after two months was because I was "clearly confused" - those things on their own may have worked out, but combined....

I also decided to decline a second date with someone who called breasts "fun bags".

LuluJakey1 Wed 28-May-14 19:11:55

4 different men. I would admit to being shallow about Number 1 but was justified with the rest, especially 3 and 4.

Wore a rust coloured polo neck jumper and pale blue cords to an Oasis gig- not cool

Wore cream leather slip on shoes with elasticated inserts - 30 going on 55

Blinked lots and kept his eyes shut when he spoke

Slept with his eyes open......WTF!

mumtosome61 Wed 28-May-14 19:12:16

Oh and I dumped a boyfriend I'd been with for 7 months for repeatedly referring to his cock as "Mr Wang" - final straw was when he wrote me a poem and "Mr Wang" was the apparent author.

Whitewhine Wed 28-May-14 19:12:27

I once travelled from Glasgow to London to spend a weekend with a guy I spoke a lot with through work (I booked a hotel for myself though!).

My heart sank when I saw him standing at Kings Cross with a red rose, whilst wearing white sports socks and black slip-on loafers. I ran past him to catch the next train back to Glasgow without even saying hello. shock

I made up some excuse about not being able to make it but couldn't get in touch with him thankfully before the days of mobiles.

LuluJakey1 Wed 28-May-14 19:17:05

And the one who asked me in for coffee on first date and showed me round his flat.
He shut he bedroom door when we got in there and turned the lights out. I asked WTF he was doing.
Turned out the room was decorated as a grotto, mountains and trees painted on walls, bits of net and rock stuck to walls, planets pained on ceiling and little lights twinkling. Fake grass on floor.
And it stank of damp!

Jenninlw Wed 28-May-14 19:21:35

There were many when I was a serial dater in my younger years:

Teeny tiny willy

Too nice

Not good looking when I was sober

Annoying phone voice

Had a PhD

Are too much food

God I was picky!!!!!

LosBreakingBad Wed 28-May-14 19:22:02

Insisted on watching Match of the Day. I hate football. Just hearing that music makes me shudder.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 28-May-14 19:23:26

Cabbages Loving the vampire family tree grin Did his name begin with 'C'?

LuluJakey1 Wed 28-May-14 19:27:20

Held his knife like a pen. It drove me mad!!!!!!

CabbagesAndKings Wed 28-May-14 19:28:58

His surname did, his first name began with L grin

HesterShaw Wed 28-May-14 19:31:35

White jeans.
Annoying throat clearing.
Bald patch.

Those are the three worst.

justmuddlingalong Wed 28-May-14 19:32:19

He brought fresh morning rolls and the Sunday newspapers to my door at about 8 in the morning.I was still in bed with a hangover. His chirpyness just pi$$ed me off completely. His poor wee face, wondering what he had done still haunts me.

Well this wasn't a relationship or anything but stopped me dead in my tracks on a date: wore a woolly pale blue cardigan to dinner at a smart restaurant in central London.

TheElectricMayhem Wed 28-May-14 19:43:09

When I had the realisation that because we weren't completely fluent in each others' languages we would never be able play Scrabble.

(There aren't enough 'L's to play it in French anyway!)

Fairylea Wed 28-May-14 19:44:54

I often think towards the end of a relationship it's the most trivial things that push you over the edge...

Here's a list of things my ex husband did that drove me to the point of divorce -

He'd eat crisps in the bathroom while waiting for his bath to run and leave the empty packet in the bathroom bin.
He would eat lying down on the floor perched up on his elbows.
He'd do a disgusting fart and then laugh and leave the room.
He wouldn't think twice about going out the front of the house in just a pair of white pants, which all had holes in.
He'd wear fake tan to bed.
He'd wear Palmers cocoa butter to bed (boak).

Ah that feels better. smile

TheElectricMayhem Wed 28-May-14 19:45:37

Oh, and there was another guy I dumped because he had a thumb-penis. blush Yes, it was no larger than a thumb. On the hand of a very petite woman.

Arsebadger Wed 28-May-14 19:47:20

Winking at me. And calling me babe. At the same time.

LuluJakey1 Wed 28-May-14 19:49:20

Held his knife like a pen. Held his knife like a pen. Held his knife like a pen. Held his knife like pen!!!!!

I had forgotten how much it upset me.

KissMyFatArse Wed 28-May-14 19:49:39

I thought his head was out of proportion to his body...

4 different blokes;

Still smelled of garlic the morning after.

Small dick.

Wore socks in bed.

Had large lips so was like kissing a fish (I imagine).

DurhamDurham Wed 28-May-14 19:54:02

Cabbages his name wasn't Lestat was it? grin

YouTheCat Wed 28-May-14 19:56:11

My dp wears clean socks to bed but that's because he doesn't want to touch me with his icy cold feet. grin

SuckingGin Wed 28-May-14 19:58:49

#1 - he shaved off his lovely thick beard and revealed a very weak chin.

#2 - He signed off a text message with wuv woo hunni-bun xxxx (That still hits me right in my vomit-reflex just thinking about it.)

#3 - He didn't like my cat. And my cat didn't like him.

#4 - I hated his big stupid white trainers, which he loved, and wore constantly. With black jeans. Eurgh.

#5 - He snored like a pig sucking jelly through a straw.

#6 - He insisted on wearing flip flops in the summer despite having disgusting gnarly hairy claw feet of doom.

There have been others <picky>

BeetlebumShesAGun Wed 28-May-14 19:59:14

Refused to name his favourite member of Take That in lighthearted pub conversation the first time he met my parents as he "didnt like to involve himself with pop culture". When my dad asked if he wanted another drink he said "no I try to control myself thanks"

Took me to Paris but would not drink more than one drink a night and would tell me I had a problem if I wanted to order a bottle!

My dad was very pleased when i dumped him

OhTheDrama Wed 28-May-14 19:59:44

He turned up to the second date in the most hideous jumper. Think 1980's black & cream chevron stripe with a shawl collar. I just couldn't fancy him after that, fickle I know.

CorporateRockWhore Wed 28-May-14 20:05:08

Mr Wang...haha!

BauerTime Wed 28-May-14 20:07:46

Ive just thought of another one!

Was at a restaurant discussing which wine to order, second date. He proclaimed he 'knew about wine' so would choose one for us. Waitress cones over and he orders a bottle of pinnot griggo'. I wanted the ground to swallow me up i was so embarrassed!

justmuddlingalong Wed 28-May-14 20:11:03

Oh no, a wannabe wine buff! Good call Bauer.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 28-May-14 20:24:23

I've never been anything other than wholly rational. A friend of mine with a very high turnover of girlfriends once dumped girls for a) getting a bit sweaty walking a long way in a hot summer in New York and b) didn't like her carpet

notnowImreading Wed 28-May-14 20:27:41

I disagreed with him about Kenneth Clark.

Lweji Wed 28-May-14 20:31:54

There was a collection of possibly trivial things and other less trivial, but the last drop was how he came to kiss me with his tongue already sticking out. Ewwww.

Thislife Wed 28-May-14 20:36:56

small eyes

phoning me to say he was going out to buy 'fresh ingredients' when he was planning to cook me a meal

a strange unwashed smell from the pants area

a grubby dressing gown with crusty armpits

saying 'whereupon' in every story he told

All different men.

SocialMediaAddict Wed 28-May-14 20:37:31

Bad jeans.

Thislife Wed 28-May-14 20:38:20

Oh just thought of some more.

hairless legs

a collection of stretchy saliva in the corners of his mouth

swearing in the morning as soon as he woke

Revengeofthechocolatebunny Wed 28-May-14 20:39:04

I turned up to meet him in a pub. Online dating, photo had looked normal.

He was sitting there with a bald head and a ginger ZZ Top beard. About 220 years older than he had said. Wearing a tracksuit. He clocked me, said, "are you revenge" I said, "yes, I'll just grab a drink" and walked over to the bar and out that door. Didn't look back.

Revengeofthechocolatebunny Wed 28-May-14 20:39:42

That would be 20 years older, not 220. grin

Blatherskite Wed 28-May-14 20:39:58

I knew a guy at work who had a £100 limit - if the girl hadn't put out by the time he'd spent £100, he dumped her! Charming.

I once kicked a guy out half naked when I realised that he had blonde pubes. Not sure why, it just really turned me off.

babybarrister Wed 28-May-14 20:41:02

West ham supporter and had embroidered shield above the bed ...

He was a 33 year old virgin.

Runkittyrun Wed 28-May-14 20:45:00

Made a cup of tea in a glass.

Mixing the chilli and rice together on the plate so it was all smooshed up.

Looked like a crow.

Scraped his heels on the pavement when walking.

Wanted me to give him the money for a hotel room so he could look like he was paying and also had some weird idea about me acting like a prostitute leaving his room. WTF?!?

Rude to waiter.

Wore moon boots in a nightclub.

Told me I should smile more.

nannynoss Wed 28-May-14 20:48:42

orange I dumped someone for the exact same reason!! Wonder if it was the same guy. He also had a red pair of briefs. Ugh.

LidlAngel Wed 28-May-14 20:49:40

He ate only two kinds of vegetables: peas and carrots. A non lover of broccoli is no lover of mine.

CruCru Wed 28-May-14 20:50:21

1. Wore a hairy green suit to our first date. Asked me what my favourite food was and took me to the el cheapo restaurant he'd been planning all along (I was 15).

2. Turned up at the shop I worked in without a shirt. He had a nice body but - no way.

3. He was bad in bed - clearly had watched a lot of porn and thought that was how all sex was. He also wouldn't eat foreign food.

MrsDarylDixon Wed 28-May-14 20:52:58

His name rhymed with my name.

I just felt like such a twat introducing him to anyone. Shame really cos I really liked him.

SnakeyMcBadass Wed 28-May-14 20:53:18

Danced like Rick Astley, with added finger snaps.

catgirl1976 Wed 28-May-14 20:55:24

At moment of passion where he took his clothes off to ravish me......

paused to fold up his underpants and put them on a chair.

MisguidedAngel Wed 28-May-14 20:55:46

I was 15, he was lovely, but his surname didn't go with the name I'd already picked out for my first daughter. Actually, he probably would've been a better choice than the correctly-surnamed but emotionally frozen one I went on to marry. I wish I'd been a bit pickier on the lines of the posts above.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Wed 28-May-14 20:59:05

Cabbages ah no, two different vampires then. Shame. Wish we could introduce them so they could sit there brooding at each other.

catgirl1976 Wed 28-May-14 21:05:04

I'd have liked a vampire when I was a teenage goth blush

I'd still take Eric Northman. But even for him a tapestry would be too much

GreatAuntDinah Wed 28-May-14 21:09:49

He told me to wash my dressing gown when we were on holiday. Said dressing gown was eight hundred miles away at home at the time. He'd clearly been thinking about it for days.

swampytiggaa Wed 28-May-14 21:10:46

He had nicely manicured fingernails.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-May-14 21:12:49

He was just very fuc*ing irritating!!

MrsRonBurgundy Wed 28-May-14 21:13:45

He sang to me on the phone. Bleugh

Writerwannabe83 Wed 28-May-14 21:14:41

I also had a boyfriend who turned up in bright yellow trousers and a fluorescent yellow t-shirt because I'd told him the previous day my favourite colour was!

He soon found himself dumped!

Smilesandpiles Wed 28-May-14 21:16:11

No1: He refered to sex as "boinking".

No2: I didn't like his carpet. It was purple and just all kinds of wrong.

No3: I can't remember, but he was pissing me off for a while.

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted Wed 28-May-14 21:18:00

He had a terrible, awful, mortifying, strangled-donkey-blowing-its-nose sounding laugh, and we ran out of serious movies to go see on dates.

Also, in spite of me being a sure thing, and staying in my bedsit more than once, he never tried it on with me. He slept on the floor instead!


rembrandtsrockchick Wed 28-May-14 21:18:52

I was 14.

We got on the bus and when the conductor came round (yes, I really am that old) he said..."two to the terNimus please".


I ended it that evening.

Sidge Wed 28-May-14 21:20:37

Not a relationship - only a first date, but I couldn't arrange a second because he kept referring to his children as his 'kiddiwinks'.

Effic Wed 28-May-14 21:24:48

Whether or not Paul Scholes should play for England again.....clearly there was more things wrong in the relationship but that actually was the row that ended it!

evelynj Wed 28-May-14 21:26:47

He didn't water my hydrangea when I went away for a few days-well, that was definitely the start of the end.

Elledouble Wed 28-May-14 21:31:08

He told me I was 'better' than him cos I'm a vegan and he was 'only' a vegetarian. Weird.

My decision was vindicated when I feigned a headache and he offered to take me to the chemists... for condoms.

Sudocremegg Wed 28-May-14 21:31:38

He held his spoon in a fist like a toddler. It used to put me right off my food when we ate together. He also licked his knife in a restaurant. Awful.

Undertone Wed 28-May-14 21:32:23

Totally adoring all of these.

Universal Wed 28-May-14 21:33:14

Blow your nose and look at it. Goodbye forever.

Laska42 Wed 28-May-14 21:33:45

His weirdly spaced teeth.. (no actually it was because he was really jealous..) but i hated his teeth from the word go ..

Aspiringhuman Wed 28-May-14 21:36:03

I've only had 3 relationships and they've dumped me blush. I should have dumped DH1 but the reasons weren't trivial.

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 28-May-14 21:36:50

Bad table manners, first date climbed out of window in bathroom abandoning coat and bag to get away

ThaneOfScunthorpe Wed 28-May-14 21:40:17

Turned up for second date wearing wooden clogs. Bin.

littlewhitebag Wed 28-May-14 21:45:13

He used to call me his 'wifey' in an affectionate tone. I was 19 ffs!

katheroo Wed 28-May-14 21:48:34

His jumper sleeves were too short.

katheroo Wed 28-May-14 21:49:10

His jumper sleeves were too short.

chipshop Wed 28-May-14 21:49:19

He was really hot clothed. Perfect body. After a few dates we went back to his but he took his top off and I could see very slight stubble from where he shaved his chest and it totally turned me off. I felt quite freaked out looking at it, no idea why. Made some excuse and fled.

SaucyJack Wed 28-May-14 21:51:06

Shaved armpits.

Gryffindor Wed 28-May-14 21:51:14

Guy 1 - didn't want to walk to the tube as the ground was wet and his DM would be upset if he got his shoes wet (he was 30)

Guy 2 - kept his remote controls in a plastic wallet at all times

Guy 3 - was called Kirk

Guy 4 - used to eat 40 McNuggets after the pub every weekend

Gryffindor Wed 28-May-14 21:53:03

Guy 5 - told me not to wear cardigans

UterusUterusGhali Wed 28-May-14 21:54:27

I dumped a boy because I had a dream that he stood on my radish patch. (Not a euphemism).

Food and gardening are important to me! hmm

Gryffindor Wed 28-May-14 21:54:57

Guy 6 - had a tantrum because by end of date he had bought us 2 drinks and I had only bought us 1

TheHorseHasBolted Wed 28-May-14 21:58:17

When I was 17 I finished with someone because my mum said something mildly critical about him and I did my stroppy teenager routine and said, "Oh, well you clearly want me to finish with him so I will." She begged me not to (at least not because of that - she thought he was boring but didn't want to be the cause of us splitting up) - so of course I argued myself into a corner and finished with him just to prove a point. I never told him the real reason and we remained sort of friends and came close to getting back together a couple of times - things didn't really feel final until we both went to different universities.

TheSarcasticFringehead Wed 28-May-14 21:59:38

He said lol out loud.

Misuse of apostrophes

Giant foreskin and delayed ejaculation

Too vain so I could never see myself in the mirror before a night out

3 different blokes.

aylesburyduck Wed 28-May-14 22:03:52

Got rid of one because he pointed with his middle finger instead of his index finger I know it's rude to point but still...

Got rid of another because he had practically no body hair. He didn't shave he was just hairless in a pre pubescent way and it was most unnerving being they hairy one in a relationship.

My friend dumped someone because she couldn't stand the noise he made when breathing.

He sat down to pee. <shudder> He also asked me "Can we play Hun?" in a really weird voice as some sort of foreplay.

He was a twat in other ways too, I ran for the fucking hills. Still gives me the skeeves now.

I once dumped somebody completely lovely because he wanted to take me to the Reading festival in his VW campervan.

Wtf was I thinking? grin

harriet247 Wed 28-May-14 22:10:48

He borrowed my ipod without asking.
He kissed weird
He shaved his chest
He had ladylike hips
He was too keen

grin at ladylike hips. Love it.

PrincessBabyCat Wed 28-May-14 22:17:40

He was really hot clothed. Perfect body. After a few dates we went back to his but he took his top off and I could see very slight stubble from where he shaved his chest and it totally turned me off. I felt quite freaked out looking at it, no idea why. Made some excuse and fled.

LOL! I ran into my ex last summer and noticed his previously smooth chest was hairy. I was confused because I didn't know he could even grow hair there. He pointed out that he had to wax it because I told him before we even started dating that hairy chests were a deal breaker. They are.

DH has a smooth chest naturally. It's worked out for the best. smile

Ellenora5 Wed 28-May-14 22:17:52

After every forkful of food he would lick his knife like a spoon and belch

It used to make me feel sick

mrscynical Wed 28-May-14 22:19:44

Put a Roger Whittaker CD on in the car.

ProfPlump Wed 28-May-14 22:20:35

Cabbages YES! It was a spider plant. RIP

BadcatBertram Wed 28-May-14 22:21:59

His dog was smelly.

His voice became really loud when we were in public to the point where everyone around us would stare, but was totally normal when alone.

He placed his ex-girlfriend's Christmas card centre stage on sideboard while mine was hidden at the back somewhere.

Both sat in my car on a frosty morning while I waited patiently for the windscreen to de-ice. He then reached across and switched on my wiper blades, causing them to break as they were frozen onto the window. Then he gave a cheery shrug and said "oops". Dear God how I managed not to punch him I will never know.......

Primafacie Wed 28-May-14 22:22:34

His name rhymed with my name.

Ha! I once had a BF whose first and last name were virtually the same as mine. Clearly that relationship was always doomed.

Can I enter my Dsis in this contest? She dumped a guy because he didn't know what 'manichaean' means. She didn't know either, but declared she 'couldn't be with someone who didn't have a rich vocabulary'.

motherofmonster Wed 28-May-14 22:25:08

went out with someone who went and bought a full length leather jacket and turned up with his head shaved and wearing sunglasses. think he thought it was 'matrix' cool... but every time i looked at him all i could think of was a nazi gastapo agent

Also met someone, went back to his place and he had hundreds of pictures of fluffy kittens everywhere...they calmed him apparently

Turned up at cinema in loafers and white socks and a dodgy suit

Turned up at pub in white vest after I mentioned the Levis ad

Had spot cream and fake tan in his bathroo cupboard

Danced like a puppet

Wanted me to iron his shirts

Had a penis like an acorn

Pronounced fajitas like faj-it-as

Came on my leg prematurely and cried

Had a lighthouse shaped penis with a purple bellend

All different men, lucky me

BobPatandIgglePiggle Wed 28-May-14 22:35:26

He tapped a coin on the bar to get the barmaid's attention. I thought it was REALLY rude.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot Wed 28-May-14 22:35:31

He smelled really weird. Not a bad smell, just something I didn't like - a little sour maybe. He was clean though, and a really nice guy, but I just could not get past the smell.

DPs natural smell is lovely. grin

FreeSpirit89 Wed 28-May-14 22:37:51

A 6 hour shopping trip in London, to look for the same coat Dr Who wears. I was a fan before that, not so much after x

Osirus Wed 28-May-14 22:38:30

He turned up on our first official date in a woolly polo neck and ordered a vodka and coke. I was very young and this was actually my first date ever! He also was much shorter than I remembered.

A few years later I found out he was gay.

Longdistance Wed 28-May-14 22:38:31

He asked me 'why do they never demonstrate the parachutes, in the demo on the plane?' I thought he was joking fool

MrsSeanBean1 Wed 28-May-14 22:46:01

I have a few......

One was dumped due to his horrendous dancing to 70s/80s tracks which involved him basically jogging on the spot whilst frantically chewing although he had nothing in his mouth confused

One had BO....enough said!

The worst one was opening one eye in the middle of the night to find a fairly rigid, although not very impressive penis in my face. He was sort of contorted round in bed so he could dangle his willy over my face. I have absolutely no idea what he was doing and was so shocked I pretended to be still asleep, before legging it in the morning. To make matters worse I was 18 and had only stayed over as I was a bit too tiddly to drive. We had only kissed once.

Osirus Wed 28-May-14 22:46:02

To the poster who mentioned the man with a flask and hi-vis vest in his car, my partner (yes, current) has an actual survival box.

RubyrooUK Wed 28-May-14 22:48:15

He left a massive unflushable log in my toilet. Just wouldn't go away.

LeChatRouge Wed 28-May-14 22:50:44

Standing at the cash point I noticed a huge globule of orange earwax just inside his ear. On the way back to the car we stopped at the bakery and bought apricot Danish pastries.

In the car he reached over to adjust the volume on the stereo and left an orange blob on it, which he claimed was apricot, but I knew was earwax.

That was it for me.

Notfootball Wed 28-May-14 22:52:14

He took off his clothes and had a huge cock but the flattest arse I'd ever seen in my life. I got out of bed, put on my clothes and left without saying anything.

He shaved his beard off and went from George Michael to George from Rainbow in one fell swoop.

He cut off his ponytail (disclaimer: it was the early 90s).

LalyRawr Wed 28-May-14 22:59:17

He told me he loved me.

gordyslovesheep Wed 28-May-14 23:00:48

very very pretty - zero conversation

tiny penis

big penis but not a clue what to do with it


This might out me, but... As I got out of bed to pee, he said loudly 'mind you don't step on my Prada shoes'.
I hid in flatmate's room, whilst he got rid of him.

Oh, and lovely, gentlemanly first bf, for refusing to shag me in his best mate's little sister's bed. Which had Barbie sheets. I was pissed, he was sober. What a gent. smile

justmuddlingalong Wed 28-May-14 23:17:47

grin @ George from Rainbow.

Floundering Wed 28-May-14 23:18:19

He produce an ice cold Finger of Fudge in bed one night......

"no I don't fucking care whether Marianne Faithfull likes it..... get out"

I still giggle when I see one grin

Tight white trousers with dark briefs underneath...spotty ones <boak> people laughed at him as he walked into the pub, I necked the drink & made my excuses.

Terribly nice chap asking me politely whether I'd climaxed yet- I lied as I wanted to go to sleep & dumped him next day.We'd been going out for some weeks & he treated me like a princess , was very attentive & polite but BOOORRRING poor bloke.

Small willy. Large ego.

3 different blokes.

TalisaMaegyr Wed 28-May-14 23:20:03

<"no I don't fucking care whether Marianne Faithfull likes it..... get out" >

HAHAHAHA gringrin

I was fed up of coming second to trombone practise. He was 27 and we'd been together for years. I was having a rough time and rang to chat and was asked to wait until he'd finished practicing and watched a Question of Sport.

That was the end, I drowned my sorrows somewhere else.

justmuddlingalong Wed 28-May-14 23:26:49

Rofl at the fudge. What a treat!

ChangelingToday Wed 28-May-14 23:32:10

Ketchup on his chin. It turned me off straight away.

Oldraver Wed 28-May-14 23:33:31

One took me to Bella Pasta and wanted to order ONE dish between us..and wouldn't let me pay....ever. and he wouldn't go down on me

vivideye Wed 28-May-14 23:37:36

first one smelled funny

second one ate with his mouth open

the other one had stringy spit

is it any surprise I'm still single with men like these in the world?

storynanny2 Wed 28-May-14 23:38:24

Ive got a few
1. Because on his washing line, his once a week wash, there were only 2 pairs of underpants.
2. Yucky stuff in the corners of his eyes.
3. Wearing a flat cap on first date to look trendy?
4. Sulking because I wouldnt have sex with him on first date.

Primafacie Wed 28-May-14 23:52:13

Oh please, a LOT of these are perfectly valid dumping reasons - nothing trivia about bad smell/ bad sex/ idiots.

Seriously, surely my Manichaean one is a winner? Please? <competitive yet needy grin>

Primafacie Wed 28-May-14 23:52:51


wheresthebeach Wed 28-May-14 23:59:59

Shouted when he came. Really loudly.

blueballoon79 Thu 29-May-14 00:03:15

Would stick his hand into his underwear and rub the palm of his hand over his balls then inhale the odour and proclaim how sexy and raw it smelt.
He'd do this a few times a day.
He thought he was Gods gift to women. I cringe even now thinking about him!

lessonsintightropes Thu 29-May-14 00:05:58

Because he referred to me as 'his good lady'. Was a lovely man too, and DH has now done this a few times but I am training him out of it Had a gray front tooth too though in my poor defence.

EvilStepMam Thu 29-May-14 00:06:50

He ate a packef of crisps ...... noisily

He breathed ...... noisily

He drank a cup of tea .....noisily

3 different guys, me?? issues????? blush

LuluJakey1 Thu 29-May-14 00:18:42

He breathed

TOADfan Thu 29-May-14 00:27:27

I have been on 3 dates in my life. All 3 have become ltr. I feel as if I have missed out grin

Sunflower49 Thu 29-May-14 00:33:23

Saying 'XYZ' all the time in conversation.

Being so hairy , like nailbrush hairy, that I looked as if I'd been stood on the kitchen sink to be 'scrubbed' after sex.

Being nasty to a waitress in a restaurant (although that may sound trivial, I think it was valid and I'd do the same, now)!

LuluJakey1 Thu 29-May-14 00:39:06

In what context would anyone say XYZ all the time in a conversation? Am I missing something or was he just talking rubbish?

TraceyTrickster Thu 29-May-14 01:30:58

when m,y date turned up in a Ferrari. I felt really ill at ease.

Xihha Thu 29-May-14 01:45:50

1 because he was obsessed with Family Guy.

1 because he said things strangely in an effort to sound posh, like garage was ga-rarge in a ridiculous fake french accent, it annoyed the hell out of me.

I also walked out on a first date because the guy said OMG lol in a conversation, write them in a text/on the internet fine but they are not supposed to be spoken ever!

aurynne Thu 29-May-14 01:47:07

Too many spelling mistakes... they really put me off. Nothing more off-putting that a love poem full of spelling mistakes.

He got a tattoo, of his own name, as he couldn't think what to put on it.

proper tantrum when I suggested people would think it was the name of his boyfriend.

I dumped him for having no intelligence or imagination. And homophobic.

ThaneOfScunthorpe Thu 29-May-14 02:46:57

Oh another one - referred to 'rumpy pumpy' and 'making love'.

I am shuddering just writing this.

Because he danced in front of me like George Michael.

It's was 2003....

Cardinal Thu 29-May-14 03:10:01

Oh, just thought of another. Pronounced them jal-ah-pen-yos


FatherDickByrne Thu 29-May-14 03:23:25

Copped off abroad. Best snog of my life. He wrote down his UK number & drew a cartoon of himself with a fart coming out of his bum & the word 'poot'. I really wanted to ring him but I just couldn't.

Pinter Thu 29-May-14 05:10:23

He dropped litter on our first date. There wasn't a second grin

meddie Thu 29-May-14 08:30:44

All different men

1)Because he turned up in cuban heels
2) because he turned up in cowboy boots
3) because he turned up in a leather jacket with fringes down the arms
4) because he insisted on calling me 'my lady'
6) because he made origami flowers out of beer mats all night
7) because his kisses were too wet
8) micropenis, yes I know size doesnt matter, but I would have had more fun sitting on my thumb.
9) superman pants..

BauerTime Thu 29-May-14 08:34:32

Oh another one! I'm on a roll now.

He used to disappear on nights out and go to sleep in strange places. Usually when out in a group so not leaving me on my own and could send someone off to look for him. But one night when i met him after he finished work in a trendy bar and i didn't know anyone else there and they were all pretentious twats who thought they were better than me and no one else spoke to me he disappeared for 30 mins and i couldn't find him at all so i went home and never spoke to him again.

I later found out he had fallen asleep having a poo in the ladies toilet. The one place i never thought to look!

ChickyEgg Thu 29-May-14 08:51:22

A really nice guy I was seeing proposed to me and initially I said yes but....i just couldn't get past his awful surname and called it off.

Another bloke i should have dumped when he cut the sleeves off my favourite sweatshirt and then wore it himself. The relationship went downhill from there. I should have done the deed but thankfully he sodded off while I worked up the courage!

lifesavingnoodles Thu 29-May-14 10:07:25

because he said i had childbearing thighs...... that should be childbearing hips...... childbearing thighs are just chub!

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Thu 29-May-14 10:15:13

If I asked my exH to get me something or he passed me something (book, cup of tea, nappy) he couldn't just put it down next to me he had to hand it to me.

If I make someone a cuppa I put it down next to them unless there really isn't anywhere to put it.

ExH couldn't do that for some reason. You'd have to put down whatever you were holding/doing, take the item from him and then put the item down on the surface which was inches away.


Fucking hell.

Even after a year of nodding towards the surface and saying, "Put it there, then." he was still doing it.

There was other issues with our marriage but when people ask why we split that's the reason I give.

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 10:35:05

I used to go out with someone who broke up with me BUT:

- he insisted on sleeping on the "best" side of the bed (by the bedside table, light etc)

- whenever he watched Blackadder and Edmund said "no, I don't have any children, I'm not married" he would go on about what a funny thing it was to say. EVERY TIME.

- whenever the automatic voice on the metro would say "Stand clear of the doors please" he would say "Oookay" with his eyes really big. So annoying.

- he had to listen to difficult music to prove a point (prog rock, Aphex Twin etc).

- he was sulky. If he got into a sulk and we were walking somewhere, he would slow right down (to an uncomfortable speed) but if I carried on walking at a normal speed he would speed right up and pass me.

- he once went out (just him with a friend), got pissed and decided that WE were never drinking again. He poured away all our booze and our fucking white wine vinegar. Then when I said what the fuck, he said "it's a gesture".

CalamitouslyWrong Thu 29-May-14 11:01:01

MrsDarylDixon: I went out with someone whose name rhymed with mine too. blush He dumped me because I got better exam results than him.

I dumped someone for wearing army boots and combat trousers. I just couldn't face being seen with him. Horribly shallow, I know.

somethingbeginningwith Thu 29-May-14 11:10:50

He told me he loved me via letter. I was 12. It freaked me out.

FatherDickByrne Thu 29-May-14 12:01:05

KingJoffrey, that gives me the rage too.

squoosh Thu 29-May-14 12:02:52

I found a Westlife CD in his collection.

Game over pal.

millymoose Thu 29-May-14 12:07:27

Sent me flowers to my place of work. So embarrassing.

Jellyboobs Thu 29-May-14 12:20:59

A succession of RIDICULOUS hats.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Thu 29-May-14 12:22:21

KingJoffrey, that gives me the rage too.

Thank fuck!

Was always mildly worried that I was totally unreasonable.


VanGogh Thu 29-May-14 12:22:24

He text me in txt spk.

august1982 Thu 29-May-14 12:23:04

Overuse of a Playstation. Need I say more?

Nicola206 Thu 29-May-14 12:26:34

He had a bald patch. Was on our 1st date and he bent forward.. Didn't see him again!

calculatorsatdawn Thu 29-May-14 12:30:14

wheresthebeach I'd love a shouter. DP makes no noise at all when he finishes and I always have to ask to make sure confused

somethingbeginningwith Thu 29-May-14 12:32:19

august DP of ten years plays excessive playstation. Time to LTB? wink

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 12:34:44

He was too much of a mummy's boy, to the extent he'd leave at 6.30 in the morning to drive 40mins to get home to drive her to work, she worked less than a 5min drive from her house, final straw was when he told me (just after doing the deed) that she shaves his back for him and just for men's his hair!!

Lnfb85 Thu 29-May-14 12:40:33

Ok... So we were only seeing each other. You know a few dates... Ended up back at his, having a bit of a make out session...

When he groped my boob and said (out loud) "Wibble wobble". That was that! I quickly made an excuse and left.

To make it worse the next day at the nursery I worked at the sports teacher played the bean game- he'd shout jelly bean and the kids had to run around saying Wibble wobble like they were jelly.

Then to make it worse- yup even more worse- a few nights later I went out with some friends who knew of him. Hey high jacked my phone and stole his number. They texted him saying the rules for dating women- ending with never say Wibble wobble. He texted back asking who it was and saying several people's names... Like he told this story to others or did this to others.

I still can't sing Wibble wobble jelly on the plate to children in my care, and now my son without having flashbacks!

AmenGirl Thu 29-May-14 12:44:27

He tried to control my portion sizes confused like a child or someone trying to lose weight...

mummystein Thu 29-May-14 12:45:20

The guy took me to nandos on our first date. ... He used his card to get himself a free half chicken and still wanted to spilt the bill ....
End of!

EternalOptimist77 Thu 29-May-14 12:46:39

He kept staring into my eyes and declaring his undying love for me. I was 16 and he 18. it was just too much after dating for only 3 weeks!

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 12:47:17

came to pick me up. His car was FILTHY. Dump.

wouldbemedic Thu 29-May-14 12:54:03

He smelt of damp. (surfer)

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 12:54:34

Ordered starter, expensive main course, dessert, coffee. first date. Then tried to pull the,'I left my wallet at home,' stint with a grin.

Sure you did. I was working temp as a legal secretary for buttons and living in a cheap bedsit, but came prepared to pay for my meal.

Fucking chancer!

I started laughing, 'Nice try! Called for my half of the bill in cash, left a good tip and bailed.

pickleandspud Thu 29-May-14 12:57:01

When I was 18 I had a major crush on a guy I used to see out a lot, after loads of flirting he asked me out, when the date arrived he collected me in the car with his mum driving, we went back to his house and watched telly, again with mum! Couldn't get out the car quick enough when him and his yes you guessed it! Mum dropped me home. Nice guy but v weird.

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 12:59:45

Oh, micro penis, definitely.

lessonsintightropes Thu 29-May-14 13:00:45

Expat micro penis is not a trivial reason!!!!

BumgrapesofWrath Thu 29-May-14 13:05:12

We went out to a disco, and he ended up dancing with his denim jacket tied over his shoulders (in a kind of catalgue model kind of way.) Gave me the real creeps, and had to dump him.

On the same evening, he pronounced that he wanted to marry me after only a week or so together. He also accused me of fancying nearly all the other men who were with us. He was weird. I probably should have dumped him for those reasons alone. but it was the jacket incident that really got to me.

BumgrapesofWrath Thu 29-May-14 13:07:08

I also once dated a micro penis man once. That was not the reason I dumped him though. We went out and he spent the whole night smiling at other women. I was thinking, what exactly are you going to do with these women when you get your pants off mister??

lilian1977 Thu 29-May-14 13:08:53

He used to sleep all day and stay up all night playing poker (student). Even did it when I took him to my mum and dad's house for Christmas - didn't get up until 5pm. So rude. Don't actually think that was trivial but it was the reason I was so ready to end it.

Also he turned up to my room in halls one day wearing a khaki t-shirt, khaki cords and khaki slippers, hungover so his skin looked khaki too. Looked horrendous. That was the end for me.

stardusty5 Thu 29-May-14 13:21:07

Several rubbish dates, some shallow, most totally justified!

Very high nasal voice. Was embarrassed when he ordered our drinks etc.

Thin, bony frame. Had one kiss and it felt like kissing a woman or a young boy. Gave me the heebie jeebies (sp?) That one was also clearly in love with a woman he worked with, but she was engaged to someone else. Aww.

Rang a friend who lived abroad partly through our date, presumably to demonstrate how interesting he was. Also sloppy kisser.

Another, who when kissing opened his mouth far too wide, engulfing my face.

Wore a football shirt to date.

One who was patronising and talked about women being nags. Accellerated car very quickly for no reason other than to show off. Smelled funny. Sent texts about me being sexy.

iklboo Thu 29-May-14 13:22:01

First date he told me I'd have to convert to Catholicism when we got married. He wasn't joking.

Second date he spent most of the night boasting his loan and insurance payout cheques had cleared & he was loaded. Then walked off & left me to pay the restaurant bill. Shared a taxi home & he told the driver not to wait as I was dropped off because he was 'going inside for some'. I told him in no uncertain terms that was the last thing that was going to happen & shut the door in his face.

squoosh Thu 29-May-14 13:24:18

'Shared a taxi home & he told the driver not to wait as I was dropped off because he was 'going inside for some'.'

grin shock

What a PRINCE!

Panga63 Thu 29-May-14 13:25:53

No 1: Slobbery kisser - yuk!
No 2: Too clingy/jealous
No 3: Table manners of a toddler - I don't like being sprayed with food whilst you're talking, or seeing what you're chewing!
No 4: Couldn't be arsed to knock at the front door and pick me up. Just tooted outside and sat there in his rusting junkheap of his dad's fiesta that smelt of damp dog car. His dog was lovely though grin

jetheather Thu 29-May-14 13:44:33

For our first date we arranged to meet at the station and then go to a restaurant. It was about a ten minute walk and as we set off he suggested that we run there as he was very hungry, so I ended up jogging there alongside him in high heels.

When we got there he said "I'll take" for everything, so rather than "can I have a beer please" it was "I'll take a beer". shudder

I considered dumping him but foolishly married him instead.

50shadesofknackered Thu 29-May-14 13:50:32

Not breaking up with someone but this reminded me of when i really fancied a bouncer at a club in town, he was gorgeous! After a couple of weeks of only going to that particular club, some flirting etc he asked for my number. I was thrilled! Then he told me his was Neville. I went right off him and shamefully, when he called, I pretended to be my sister and said I was out blush
Soooo shallow!
I was only 20 though.

Roussette Thu 29-May-14 13:55:23

Someone who had a trainspotter type purse. One of those that you tip up to let the coins fall to the end and then pick them out.

A man whose cum face was a sight to behold - he transformed into a baby with popping eyes straining to do a poo. Dreadful. Couldn't get past it after the first time. Knew it would never get better, only worse.

FunLovinBunster Thu 29-May-14 14:00:02

He was waiting for me at a well known in the area roundabout (where some years later I almost ran over John Barnes....) and Mum was dropping me off there in the car. I told her to carrying on driving because just looking at him I realised he was an ugly twat. And he was boring.

mumtosome61 Thu 29-May-14 14:01:35

Stayed in a hotel with a guy who was super nice and handsome. Lovely evening, lots of laughter and drinks and dinner. All very passionate, everything fine. Comes on my chest (still fine, I could deal with it).

Starts to lick it off - all of it. Like he hadn't been fed in three weeks.

I was 20. Fortunately he couldn't see the horror of my eyes as he was yaking down. I stayed, as I was paying, went home and fielded all his calls. Still sort of know him through Twitter, he's hopeless with women and when he's drunk he always tells me how much he liked that night.

50shadesofknackered Thu 29-May-14 14:05:58

mum shock shock shock shock we need a vomit face!

drivingmisslazy Thu 29-May-14 14:06:00

He kept referring to his thing as his Hampton Wick :s

Another shaved his lovely hair off and had an odd shaped head.

drivingmisslazy Thu 29-May-14 14:07:34

and another who would put tomato ketchup on every dinner regardless of what it was, and when we went out places he would have little sachets in his pocket.

briony77 Thu 29-May-14 14:07:43

He wore women's deodorant.

Another got dumped because he worked for one of these places that sell electrical goods to people who can't afford them... I told him his job was immoral.

theduchesse Thu 29-May-14 14:07:50

I have many from my internet dating days. The main one that springs to mind is the guy that ordered a bottle of water 'the one in the square bottle' that cost about £6 and I think I was meant to be impressed and it was super trendy. It tasted like....... water, and I thought he was a knob.

Another one I dumped because he had a bloodshot eye and I couldn't look at him. And he was sooooo boring. I'm pretty good at keeping a conversation going but I struggled with him.

PiperRose Thu 29-May-14 14:15:38

He had mother issues. He rang to cancel a date on the same day to have dinner with his mother. He lived with her. I never called him back.

PiperRose Thu 29-May-14 14:17:01

Ooh another. We had a lovely date, he walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek and said "so how do you feel about meeting the wife?". Never called him back either.

PiperRose Thu 29-May-14 14:18:01

And another. He drove a baby blue Landrover. He lived in a city and worked in the same city. Guess what?

thamrin Thu 29-May-14 14:22:36

crucru your reasons are hilarious. my dh is sulky and it drives me nuts I honestly think he's giving me teenager training practise. . .

I can put up with sulky but I couldn't put up with "mind the doors-oookay! hahagrin too funny!

my reasons:
great guy but micro penis
another one, amazing guy but shorter than me. I felt like the man. and he had a six pack! sad envy

Didactylos Thu 29-May-14 14:24:12

1. sweated facially when he ate curry. Was mortifying in social situations

2. Where do I start......

FannyFifer Thu 29-May-14 14:24:48

He went to the bakers to get me a salad roll for lunch and it had fucking beetroot on it. I hate beetroot. Arse!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 29-May-14 14:24:57

After our first night together he came out of my room wearing just his pants and sat cross legged on the sofa. They we weird tight brief things too. He wasn't insta dumped but it wasn't long.

Paq Thu 29-May-14 14:25:06

He went to the loo eight times during a two hour date. I thought he was a wierdo, turns out it was a medical condition blush

HazleNutt Thu 29-May-14 14:29:50

He told me that his ideal holiday is camping. Or if abroad then driving, sleeping in the car/tent and cooking tinned food on camp fire. I'm strictly 5 star hotel kind of girl.

TyrannosaurusBex Thu 29-May-14 14:31:55

I dumped somebody on the grounds that he was unfamiliar with the nutritional content of baked beans.

HairyPlopper Thu 29-May-14 14:32:30

He wanted to hang his collection of John Wayne plates up in my flat.
See ya!!

BoffinMum Thu 29-May-14 14:34:04

He had a monobrow and I decided I didn't like it after all.
I gather I was not the first. shockgrin

jalapenobusiness Thu 29-May-14 14:35:48

his jaw clicked when he ate.

another one i dumped because my friends didn't think he was good looking enough - 7 years later we met again and i didn't give a rats what anyone thought - we have a baby now and are trying for another - and will be married soon.

TyrannosaurusBex Thu 29-May-14 14:40:33

Oh, thought of two more: aged 17 dumped somebody because of the furry seat covers he'd bought for his car.

Somebody else because I suspected him of liking Queen. Not sure why I didn't just ask him...

skinmysunshine Thu 29-May-14 14:40:38

Tucking his jumper into his chinos *shudders

Meeeep Thu 29-May-14 14:52:20

I've had three men tell me they love me after the first only time we had sex.

It's a running joke with my friends hmm I never saw any of those 3 men again.

AllAboveBroad Thu 29-May-14 15:02:00

Jiggled his beer gut in front of my friend the first time they met and said "all bought and paid for.."

Tigerygiraffe Thu 29-May-14 15:34:36

He referred to himself in the third person

He was shorter than me (I'm 5.1)

Massive mother issues- possibly Norman Bates level

He arranged to take me to his uncles fancy restaurant. I was 17 and spent hours getting ready - it was a chip van on the side of a crappy country road. I ate my burger grimly & told him I needed to go home early as it made me feel sick

Celestria Thu 29-May-14 15:44:27

Finished with a guy that was a really wet kisser yuckkk

ApprenticeViper Thu 29-May-14 15:54:42


"Wore moon boots to a night club" - that just made me spit my cup of tea everywhere! Well done grin

Ok, here goes, four different men, obvs:

1. Really sloppy kisser, like an over-enthusiastic spaniel licking my face.

2. Micro penis. Such a shame, as he had the face and body of a marauding Viking. Lovely guy as well.

3. Really skinny wrists and forearms, with very long and wispy arm hair.

4. When I was 18, stayed over at my boyfriend's house on a Saturday night and borrowed a pair of his tracky bottoms in the morning to wear while we ate breakfast (knowing me, I'd probably been wearing a micro-skirt the night before). We'd been going out for a couple of months. While we were eating, he declared that when we were married, every Sunday morning would be like this. Scared the bejesus out of me.

CabbagesAndKings Thu 29-May-14 15:54:55

I feel a bit sorry for the nice guys with the tiny willies, but honestly, what's a girl to do? It's a lose lose situation where nobody is to blame grin

CuChullain Thu 29-May-14 16:07:04

Trivial for some, important to me!!!

Dated a women a few times who flat out refused to offer to pay for anything, not even a single drink.

Dated another women for a while and after the first time we had sex she reached over to her bag bedside and sparked up a fag while lying in bed. I did not even know she smoked up until that point.

Dated a women who did not know how to ride a bike, and I don’t mean just being a bit wobbly and nervous, she literally could not ride a few metres without falling over sideways. For some reason it really annoyed me!

Another women who suggested that now I was seeing her I should stop playing rugby at weekends.

Another women who simply could not hold her drink and she was incapable moderation so every time we went out I would have to scrape her off the pavement and carry her home. It came to a head one night when despite my best efforts to slow down her boozing she ended up staggering around town with me in tow trying to hail a taxi, most of which wanted nothing to do with us. She then decided she was hungry and proceeded to order the biggest hot dog on offer from one of those dodgy street vendors at which point she fell over into me smearing mustard, ketchup and onions down the front of my suit and shirt before getting sick on my shoes. After much pleading and begging I finally managed to convince a taxi driver that she was not going to be sick in his cab and we got home. As per usual she could not remember a thing the next morning and accused me of making stuff up, even after I showed her my soiled suit. I left and never called her again.

Melonbreath Thu 29-May-14 16:07:37

He was a dwarf. We went to a theme park. He was too small to go on any of the rides.

I feel stupid now as I really fancy tyrion in game of thrones

Lweji Thu 29-May-14 16:10:20

One woman, two women. Just saying. HTH. grin

Rommell Thu 29-May-14 16:14:25

We had a disagreement about Australia's immigration policy.

Which was actually quite small beer compared to the fact that a couple of weeks later he was arrested and charged as part of a high-profile fraud case.

Rommell Thu 29-May-14 16:14:51

NB we were not in Australia.

Joliolio Thu 29-May-14 16:15:06

Is that a euphemism?

Rommell Thu 29-May-14 16:16:10


Slutbucket Thu 29-May-14 16:18:03

I dumped my boyfriend over a very offensive waistcoat and white polo neck combination. It was so very wrong.....

Lweji Thu 29-May-14 16:18:26

Was he sent to Australia as part of his sentence? wink

Rommell Thu 29-May-14 16:21:19

Hahaha - I don't think they'd have had him - which is what the entire 'discussion' was about!

Have to say it was a little unnerving listening to the news and thinking 'Ooh, that's who [prick] works for ... oh ...'

liquidstatehasrisenagain Thu 29-May-14 16:25:43

Hairy penis.

It was very very hairy.

blondiebonce Thu 29-May-14 16:26:17

When I was 14 I started going out with a guy the day before the Christmas holidays. He even gave me a lovely necklace whilst I handed over a toblerone. I decided the fact he was an inch shorter was an issue and didn't see him all Christmas. First day back was awkward... I still feel so mean!

Went out with a guy who, first date kept going on about how I inspired him so much. Creepy. He later gate crashed my girly night out steaming drunk. Spent the night trying to lose him and incidentally met my DP that same night. :D

Ploppy16 Thu 29-May-14 16:29:13

Thought I'd posted this already but..
1 was hairy, like gorilla hairy. Twice my size and rather enthusiastic during sex. I ended up with carpet burns front and back. He was a genuinely nice guy though and we're still friends.
1 lived with his mum and had a huge canvas print if himself on his bedroom wall. He was 40 and had never lived away from home.
1 had a car the colour of mushy peas and called it the shagmobile.

BauerTime Thu 29-May-14 16:45:28

Can i just say, that ive only ever been dumped once (rather than me doing the dumping) and that was by a guy with a tiny penis. I was DEVASTATED! He was amazing in bed aside from the fact that once he put his willy in it was pretty much over for me. But i think he knew that and made up for it in other ways.

I once met a girl who had also been out with him (when he was much younger) and apparently he said to her in the heat of the moment "i hope you don't mind a small one". Bless.

Primadonnagirl Thu 29-May-14 16:46:45

1st boyfriend

Called his dick Percy
Had only two t shirts which he would alternate
Was quite overweight but would say " it takes a big hammer to drive a big nail"
But the killer was he bought me a box of chocs when he knew I was dieting saying " it's ok , I've already eaten all the ones you like..just to save you from yourself"

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 16:55:59

He was a thief. If I saw anything and mentioned I liked it, he'd nick it.

Smilesandpiles Thu 29-May-14 17:07:13

Why on earth am I laughing at that expat ?

He asked me to go To Kingdom Hall with him and meet his parents! We'd only been on 2 dates!

Another only ever talked about his dead ex and was stalkerishly weird

And I actually dumped now Dh because he was too nice (went through a self loathing phase). Took us another 3 years to reconnect, probably the best things I've ever done, because I would have definitely ballsed it up at some point first time round!

Jux Thu 29-May-14 17:24:21

He liked ballet.

Now don't get me wrong, so do I. I like opera too and most classical music. He didn't like music, wasn't interested in music. He liked ballet because women wore tutus and he could watch their legs.

Fcukfifa Thu 29-May-14 17:27:22

One of my ex's spoke in a Liverpudlian accent when he was drunk. He is from Hull. He had to go.

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 17:29:31

It was so shocking at first, Smiles. We were in a department store and I admired a silver bracelet.

We got out into the shopping centre area and he put his arm round me, kissed my cheek and with the other hand pulled the bracelet out of his jeans pocket.

He stole a bottle of JP Gautier Classique after I saw it in a shop window, a teddy out of Clinton's.

He was a klepto.

umiaisha Thu 29-May-14 17:30:21

Date disasters..

1. Turned up in a fluorescent pink shirt and asked me to stop off at KFC. I left him there.
2. Expected me to drive. We went to the cinema, he had 'forgotten' his debit card so I had to foot the bill. Then insisted on doing this weird and annoying knocking thing to my knee for the duration of the film. Would have done a runner but he worked at a club and had put my friends and I on the guest list for the following weekend.
3. Was too smarmy. Wrote both of our numbers on a £20 note and ripped it in half and then sent me 2 bunches of flowers before our second date. Was a shit erratic driver and made me feel car sick. Bit of a shame as my mum had high hopes for us as he was a 'nice jewish boy'.

Relationship disasters..

too many to list but have had a couple with miniscule manhood and another who insisted on wearing a really dodgy mr motivator lycra get up in the evenings.

RXQueen Thu 29-May-14 17:41:03

1. "You have a beautiful vagina"

Ran for the fucking hills! Vagina man also bought a karma sutra when we met. I suspect he might have been a virgin.

And he had ginger pubes like wire wool.

2. Another got really drunk in a club & shouted along to the music, our work colleagues were giving me looks of pity. On the way home he rolled on someone's car bonnet & broke the arial. I woke up early morning & the bed felt wet, woke him & he said oh I've probably pissed myself rolled over & went back to sleep! Grim.

3. And one who told me he liked to poke the handle of his bog brush up his bum & pretend it was another man

springdrinks Thu 29-May-14 17:42:34

1. Because he went to Eton and told me 15 times in 2 hours.

2. Because he bought me an expensive Christmas present in September

3. Because he was shorter than me and I'm a very short person.

I am so shallow!

RXQueen Thu 29-May-14 17:48:49

Christ I've been out with some weirdos.

Bog brush man asked me to wear stockings & suspenders, when I came back from the loo he was wearing them. Believed him when he said it was for a laugh.

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 17:54:12

He always referred to his man parts as captain nemo, final straw was when he tried it on then looked at me with a stupid childlike kid on sad face and childlike voice.......captain nemo no worky" then told me the next day he loved me everyday for the next week, tried my hardest to let him down gently, he eventually took the hint

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 17:56:41

Oh and then there was another guy I'd been on a few dates with, he was at mine havin g drinks when my brother randomly popped in, he proceeded to tell my brother he loved a good rim job and a plane boring bj just didn't do it for him and asked him what he thought his chances of me agreeing to it later that night

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 18:08:15

And then there was the guy who took me to the cinema (1st date) to see a kids film, place was packed with kids, he slides his jacket over my legs and tells me it's so we can "do stuff" drops me off and asks me very sincerely if I'll answer his calls and texts because a lot of people tend to ignore to say I was added to the list of people to ignore him, all 20 calls and 50 odd texts lol in 1 day

Roussette Thu 29-May-14 18:14:27

Oh dear grin captain Nemo no worky! You couldn't make it up!!

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 18:17:12

I had to try my hardest not to laugh in his face! I think I could honestly write a book if I was to write all my horror stories ha ha x

FunLovinBunster Thu 29-May-14 18:18:14

(Love this thread)
Everything that you've all posted on this would be a deal breaker for me too!

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 29-May-14 18:31:15

Chewed with his mouth open. He didn't notice food falling out onto his Twit-like beard. Just Bleergh.

Didn't wait till I had my meal before energetically forking his into his cake hole. Arrogant.

Itemised the bill to the exact penny. Charged me for the taste I had of his Chicken Kiev. Tightwad.

(Three guys)

Married a generous man with lovely table manners. grin wine cake flowers

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 29-May-14 18:34:20

X post chellebelle, captain nemo!! Jesus, wiping my eyes!

I vote this is moved to classics smile

theuncivilservant79 Thu 29-May-14 18:37:29

Just marking place so Ivan finish the thread later :-)

MyrtleDove Thu 29-May-14 18:41:30

Seconding the classics nomination!

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 18:43:30

This bloke came to pick me up in his car.
He was about 22.
He wore driving gloves

I just couldn't.

Stripytop Thu 29-May-14 18:46:19

One guy i went out with insisted on watching dirty dancing 3 times in a row on our second date.

There wasn't a third.

spiderlight Thu 29-May-14 18:49:02

I once dumped someone over a disagreement about the words to the Frog Chorus.

Sollers Thu 29-May-14 18:50:32

The first time we slept together, he grabbed my pubic hair and said � this needs to come off�. Hell no, joe.

JennyOnTheBlocks Thu 29-May-14 18:53:53

Driving gloves grin

Roussette Thu 29-May-14 18:58:18

I'd do him.

Even with the gloves on grin

I dumped several blokes for going to the 24 hour garage to buy me crisps when I asked them to in the middle f the night (like 4am). I am nicer now but I really had a problem with people never standing up to me. That backfired, dh wouldnt get me a magnum when I was heavily pregnant at tea time oh well careful what you wish for ;), they were all really nice good looking guys as well, hopw they all found nicer women.

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 19:07:31

Good God , NO!

I have been with my OH for coming up 25 years. We have been through thick and thin but if he donned a pair of leatherette comfort driving gloves I would be researching online quickie divorces in a spit.

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 19:09:30

I was working in a nightclub and my then boyfriend turned up in a fucking fringed, suede tan jacket.
Dumped his sorry arse the same night.

The joke is that he was a total arse who treated me like crap but I put up with it.

Until The Jacket. <shudder>

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 19:09:44

Someone I used to go out with would, if we were about to have sex, get completely naked before I had taken anything off. He also had a thing about doing it outside and kept going on about how he wanted to do it in the garden (we had the downstairs flat). Massive turn off.

He also used to ask for a blow job in a baby voice and sometimes would sort of thrust in front of my face in the hope I would give him one.

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 19:10:01

Too many arses, sorry.

Its the thought of that jacket...

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 19:10:46

Blow job in a baby voice ......eeeee yeeeeew!

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 19:11:35

Yes. How I stayed with him so long, I have no idea.

CarmineRose1978 Thu 29-May-14 19:12:32

Sweaty hands...

Deverethemuzzler Thu 29-May-14 19:16:11

Its just reminded me....

I had this boyfriend who said to me once 'do you know why I let you be my girlfriend?'

No <hopeful of something romantic>

'Because you let me do it after a week'.

He was such a cock. I wish I could remember his surname so I could look him up on FB.

Another one said, as I was just about to leave the house on a night out <shakes head sadly> I will have to take you shopping, I can't have you going out looking like that'.

Boy did I date some princes back in the day hmm

CuttedUpPear Thu 29-May-14 19:21:12

I dumped one because of the way he tied his shoelaces.

Is that trivial enough?
They were knotted over and over loads of times.

Probably he was lovely but I was fifteen and shallow

Voodoobooboo Thu 29-May-14 19:22:20

Breathed REALLY loudly. I could just tell he'd be a snorer.

Oh and another one for a mind numbingly boring shag. And I mean the dullest, most tedious, boring sex that any two people have ever had.

SteadyEddie Thu 29-May-14 19:29:37

One guy I saw for a few weeks asked me if I wanted to have 'naughty sex' in a Gollum like voice.

He meant keeping his clothes on, but the way he had asked just put me off.

MissRee Thu 29-May-14 19:36:28

Referred to himself in the third person during sex.

Chellebell1 Thu 29-May-14 19:50:06

Venus I probs have worse stories than that lol x

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Thu 29-May-14 19:51:14

Called me by his dog's name by mistake.

Standingonlego Thu 29-May-14 19:51:39

Did not believe my GCSE results (different schools)

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Thu 29-May-14 20:03:00

Tried to stroke a squirrel in the park

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow Thu 29-May-14 20:03:59

Wrote terrible songs and kept the lyrics in a folder, which is a shame as he was quite good in bed.

CrystalSkulls Thu 29-May-14 20:14:13

kissing him was like dunking your head in the spin cycle of the washing machine. fucking horrible.

LackaDAISYcal Thu 29-May-14 20:16:22

he was too tall.

I am 5'2" and he was 6'2". I was young and stupid and thought people would be laughing at us. He was a lovely lovely bloke. I often wonder what he's up to these days (though I did catch a glimpse of him on some science programme; he was one of the white coats putting drops ina test tube in the background!)

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 20:23:14

He was white Irish-American. He told me his fondest wish, if he had one wish in the entire world, it would be that he were Chinese.

He also took me to his house to watch a film, which had several steamy sex scenes, which his parents there.

aylesburyduck Thu 29-May-14 20:27:33

Classics classics!!

This is brilliant, my face hurts from laughing

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 20:35:02

He would wear an enormous woolly jumper to a club with no T shirt on underneath so would get sweaty, ewwwww.

he was a tory - he only asked me out because he fancied my legs in a tennis skirt at some sort of fancy dress party in my first term at Uni We went out for lunch and had nothing to talk about.

< muses, possibly not trivial - rather fundamental really >

Love the problematic fluorescent jacket in case of emergencies, and the dumping of said man on these grounds grin

balloondoggy Thu 29-May-14 20:46:07

He had a strong Hull accent and I could stand the way he said my name.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot Thu 29-May-14 20:46:40

His middle name was Christopher. I don't like the letter C.

Mypyjamasarebaggy Thu 29-May-14 20:54:43

Refused to return one of my favourite earrings that fell off during a bout of really dull heavy petting.

Bought me a cow shaped mug as a Valentines day present - why?

Had awful hobbit feet

costababe Thu 29-May-14 20:56:11

This is hilariousgrin
1) used to cry every time we DTD
2) was great in bed, but good was he boring
3) fab in the sack but bloody ugly, I know how shallow, I was very young!

FreeWee Thu 29-May-14 21:00:26

Because he left a message on my answer phone and pronounced my name in an irritating way. He had the local accent of where I live so it was completely unreasonable.

Dogsmom Thu 29-May-14 21:10:12

He was the barman at the local pub, I asked him out and it turned out he still lived with his parents and didn't drive, I picked him up at 2pm to go for lunch and he walked downstairs wearing a suit.

cees Thu 29-May-14 21:10:55

Went down on me and stayed there........................for ages, got to the point I thought maybe he got my face and vagina mixed up. The day after he followed me round the house all touchy feely, all I could smell was sex off his mouth when he tried to kiss me.

First and last time with him, but we continued to house share, that was a tad awkward.

Ledkr Thu 29-May-14 21:22:49

I've been directed to post this.

Ok so I was seeing this absolutely gorgeous guy with a body of iron and waist length dreadlocks.
He was stylish and cool and I adored him.

He stayed at my house one weekend and we had a lovely time, I was in love.

Then one morning he was about to have a shower and pulled out an ASDA CARRIER BAG and out it in his dreadlocks hmm I instantly went off him and couldn't get him out of my house quick enough!!

Bless him, he was very keen as well.

PoppetOne Thu 29-May-14 21:25:09

#1 - too short, I could rest my elbow on his shoulder.

#2 - cone-shaped penis.

#3 - really loved the taste of his own come, no, really, really, really loved it, went on about it all the time.

#4 - about 15 years age difference which wasn't a problem until I realised my mum had served his school meals

Topaz25 Thu 29-May-14 21:29:13

This thread made me realise I have never dumped someone over superficial issues. I tend to cling on until the bitter end even when there are actual issues, not really a good thing!

Lweji Thu 29-May-14 21:31:08

until I realised my mum had served his school meals
Why was that a problem? Surely your mum served you meals as well? smile

expatinscotland Thu 29-May-14 21:37:14

In addition to micro-penis, there is needle dick.

Another reason to dump.

hoboken Thu 29-May-14 21:39:01

Fit-looking guy but with a high pitched voice so I assumed he would be small in the dick department and turned him down <oh so shallow>

His accent and the way he pronounced my name irritated me hugely

He had a surname with 'cock' in it (sorry to any MNers who have the same)

He was a bumptious misogynist and shorter than me

He pronounced secretary as secatary

I so love being without a man in my life

PoppetOne Thu 29-May-14 21:40:29

My mum didnt serve my school meals, she worked at a different school. She used to go on about 2 cheeky lads at school and say stuff like 'oooh, they're lovely', it totally put me off when I realised he was one of the lads...

QOD Thu 29-May-14 21:42:20

Same height as me .... Shallow!

ThaneOfScunthorpe Thu 29-May-14 21:47:19

Best thread EVER.

One more from me: a lovely (I thought) Venezuelan man I worked with took me home. He'd told me he lived with his doctor and his doctor's mother. Seems strange, I thought. But I was so hot for him I didn't give it another thought.

...until we got to his place and I realised he'd been saying DAUGHTER. Not DOCTOR.

Not a trivial reason at all, now I come to think of it!

Lweji Thu 29-May-14 22:03:47

Topaz, I let the little things go with exH.

I am now prepared to dump at the first trivial thing. Or at least because of mounting trivial things, before the bad stuff makes an appearance.

The last guy it was mostly a collection of "trivialities" in addition to the tongue sticking out,
- he said that he wished his back was as smooth as mine
- we were perfume incompatible (he liked strong oriental smells, I like discreet scents)
- when I developed a bra obsession he managed to over do it (I was fine once I got the right bras), but then ordered the wrong size (one cup size too small) and the wrong pants (thongs, grr) and wanted to go to the bra shop with me in my first visit. I don't think so.
- kept giving DS expensive beyblades until I had to forcefully tell him to stop
- told DS to never mind mum when I was disciplining him (not that trivial...)
- he didn't actually read books, although I got the impression initially that he did
- we would end up watching crap films on SciFi supposedly because it was ironic (or not...)
- he lived in the same building as his parents and his mother still ironed for him
- he once told me he now had someone else to iron for him. He got a huge laugh back.
- it came across how much he disliked most people at work.
- he'd just say the first stupid thing that came to his head, whereas I am usually very precise or will just say I don't know or I'm not sure
- he suggested I should wear my hair in a different way
- his flat didn't have a lift
- after I got up 4 flights of stairs, and got through the door, he didn't really acknowledge me and kept cooking
- he sat on a display at an airplane museum (and not the type you are supposed to interact with)
- he said that he would go silent on people when he was upset with them (well, that's more a red flag, even if it sounded tiny)
- he went limp with condoms
- he went limp when trying intercourse
- he went limp very easily - then told me it wasn't me - the thought hadn't crossed my mind hmm
- he didn't go to the gp to deal with his erectile dysfunction
- he blamed it on us not having enough intimate time, after quite a few tries
- he sighed about things rather than talking about issues like an adult

I should have dumped exH:
- when he parked near Regent's Park and didn't pay the parking (he got a ticked, the dumb ass)
- he wore sort of cowboy boots
- he wore a basketball vest to go out with me in the evening in central London
- the stupid car he bought
- he didn't finish secondary school
- when he asked me if I would go out with him if he wasn't handsome
- when I said he wasn't that handsome anyway (he deserved it for being so cocky) and he had a strop

Simplesusan Thu 29-May-14 22:15:46

I met a guy online didn't see him again after he started planning our next date within the first 30 minutes of meeting him. Then then began to explain that he had booked a holiday but would only see it through because it was already booked and paid for.
Whilst I was deciding that he wasn't my type anyway he proceeded to tell me he only had one testicle and had a gymp mask that he would be getting out and using on me!

I downed my drink and made my excuses .

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 22:16:18

My ex didn't read (none of his family did, his mum used to say she didn't have the time while watching some shit on telly. If I was reading, he would look at me and clear his throat. When that didn't work he would say "".

"Yes thanks"
"What's it about?"
"Why don't you read it after me?"
"No, I won't get round to it".

His mum also once described someone as a nigger. They were educated, I was quite shocked.

LackaDAISYcal Thu 29-May-14 22:17:26

micro penis here too. The BF, not me.

I had been warned about it by one of his friends (charming) when we first started seeing each other but I thought she was joking/trying to wind him and me up, and we didn't get down and dirty for a couple of months (he was separated and kept kids and girlfriends away from each other and had a high powered job meaning lots of early nights and travelling)

Anhoo, after what seemed like ages, we were all set, he cooked dinner, his flatmate had been sent packing for the night...and it was horrible. I couldn't feel a thing, had no idea of he was in me or not.

I used feeling like too much of a part time girlfriend as the excuse, but his friend who had warned me; she just knew the real reason blush

Shame, as he was such a lovely man.

CruCru Thu 29-May-14 22:23:10

Actually, that wasn't trivial but it wasn't his offence.

UterusUterusGhali Thu 29-May-14 22:57:06

Wouldn't do it in his tractor.

I've never done it in a tractor, and they have springy seats! <<pouts>>

INeverFinishAnythi Thu 29-May-14 23:15:39

Found out his name was actually Dennis. Everyone called him Den which seemed quite cool and ridiculously I never made the connection that he was actually called Dennis until he said it. Killed it stone dead for me. It had been a few months too!

MrsWinnibago Thu 29-May-14 23:37:08

He wore a bowler hat for our third date....teamed with a brown tie dyed t shirt. shock

He was an "Avant Garde" film maker which goes some way to explaining the hat but not the habit of suddenly miming to rock songs in quiet pubs.

tumshieheid Thu 29-May-14 23:57:48

He ate ice cream with a fork.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Fri 30-May-14 02:17:43

What's wrong with trying to stroke a squirrel?


Ludoole Fri 30-May-14 03:16:46

One whirled his tongue around in my mouth like it was on a fast spin...hmm
Another was lovely for a while, until I finally spent the night at his house and woke to find his marriage certificate and childrens birth certificates on the bedroom wall.... (wife-that I had NO knowledge of was at a hen night it turned out...)

Current fella eats funny-like a bulldog chewing a wasp-and I really think this is going to eat away at me....

CuttedUpPear Fri 30-May-14 06:51:04

I am considering dumping DP for the use of the word 'supper' when talking about dinner.

We have been together for 6 years and it grates on me massively.


Roussette Fri 30-May-14 07:58:58

MrsWinnebago I've nearly choked on my morning cuppa thanks to you! although the words bowler hat and avant garde do seem to go together

Sadly many moons ago I've had not only the micro penis (we started off as friends and ended up as friends, that's fine) but the floppy one too (not the same person - that would be too cruel!). It died a death every time any part of my anatomy got near it. Apparently it was my fault that I didn't excite him enough! He was toast.

Tex111 Fri 30-May-14 08:35:25

Three different guys and all a million years ago in the 80s:

Drove an El Camino.

We would only go on dates to the cinema where he worked because he could see movies for free.

Would do no more than kiss me on the cheek because he was a Christian and being more physical would be a sin. Such a shame. He was lovely.

exWifebeginsat40 Fri 30-May-14 08:50:22

1) penis so small he apologised and cried afterwards.

2) went on a date with someone who looked exactly my type online. in person he had no arse and i could smell his breath when he talked. got a friend to fake an emergency phone call so i could leave. he knew.

3) kissed with his mouth WIDE open and sort of wiggled his tongue about. also drank lager at 8am. i stayed over at his one night and, on hearing a noise in the street, he pulled a handgun out from under the bed and when i asked what the fuck he was doing replied 'just making sure this is loaded'. also showed me an assault rifle he kept in the bedroom cupboard and kept hinting that he 'knew people'.