Am I selfish about holiday

(190 Posts)
desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:06:23

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 13-May-14 16:08:28

No,I would be seething as that's something that should be discussed first. I would love to go on holiday with my SIL but I completely get why you're cross.

Hoppinggreen Tue 13-May-14 16:09:13

No you aren't, we regularly go away with family but enjoy it when it's just us 4 as well.
He is being very U for not consulting you before asking her

GoEasyPudding Tue 13-May-14 16:09:15

OMG, this terrible.

Keep very calm though.

Just keep repeating, "Not on this hols DH!, this is family time."

juneau Tue 13-May-14 16:10:06

No YANBU at all! Christ, I'd go ballistic if DH invited his bloody sister on our family holiday.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 16:11:35

That's outrageous and I can't believe he thinks you're being selfish. He's being a real arse.
No way would I ever stand for that, but then I don't go away with family, never have and DH would never suggest it.

CMOTDibbler Tue 13-May-14 16:11:40

YANBU - adding someone outside your family unit changes the dynamic totally. Sounds like you and dh need a quiet sit down when theres nothing to disturb you and a discussion about why you wanted a family unit holiday, and why he thought your SIL coming would be a good idea. And about how respect for each other means talking about things..

wowfudge Tue 13-May-14 16:12:31

I agree - U of your DH to invite her without consultation with you. I wouldn't want someone else, family or not, tagging along.

Why can't she go on her own bloody holiday?

Wolfiefan Tue 13-May-14 16:13:09

Weird! Not you OP! It's a family holiday. I could understand it if you hired a huge place and invited all extended family (that sounds like a nightmare to me!)

pilates Tue 13-May-14 16:14:06

No YANBU def something that needs to be discussed beforehand. I agree I like to go on holiday with just my immediate family. Will it be for the whole time or just part?

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:14:52

Thanks for the replies so far, we have hardly spoken in three days I can't bare to be near him at the moment.

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking, he said she would have her own room etc but it is not the same is it?

He is not normally such an arsehole but when it comes to his family they come first.

bubalou Tue 13-May-14 16:15:00

YANBU - I would be fucked off beyond measure!

It is completely unreasonable of him to do this to you. Holidays are a rare and expensive thing for families and a time for you to spend as that -a family without the usual work,errands, school, cleaning etc.

He needs to sort this out but tell him she's not coming.

redexpat Tue 13-May-14 16:16:35

YANBU! Especially if you have been away with her before and she caused a row? Dribblers post sounds like a very good way to deal with it.

iambigfatmess Tue 13-May-14 16:17:32

I would hit the roof this needs discussing are there other issues

eurochick Tue 13-May-14 16:18:42

That definitely should have been discussed first.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 13-May-14 16:18:58

Yanbu he should have definitely discussed this with you.

I'd be livid.

LIZS Tue 13-May-14 16:20:56

yanbu , he should have mentioned he was even considering it.

Fairenuff Tue 13-May-14 16:22:34

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking

I think he is lying about this in order to try and bully you into doing what he wants.

If he cancels he will lose money. Call his bluff. Let him cancel. I don't think he will though.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:23:34

i'd be furious and very upset that being alone with his immediate family wasn't a priority to him.

TheTerribleBaroness Tue 13-May-14 16:24:46

Cancel then. Take the children and go somewhere on your own.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:25:27

I'd also tell him to shove it up his arse cancel the holiday. See what he does then. But then again i'm very stubborn.

ProfessorBranestawm Tue 13-May-14 16:27:40

No you are not being selfish! Crazy to invite someone without consulting your spouse. FFS.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Tue 13-May-14 16:28:01

The planning of a holiday should be undertaken together - it is VV U for your DH to invite someone else without asking you - and then give you an ultimatum about it! Personally I think I'd say fine - you go on holiday with your sister and I'll go somewhere else!

Fucking hell I'd flip. Seriously flip.

CateBlanket Tue 13-May-14 16:28:52

Why does his sister mean more to him than his wife and kids?

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:29:53

I told him he was a bully but he is so pig headed at times.

I am sorely tempted to not even go, he said the children would be disappointed, but I rather spend the week in a caravan with them.

struggling100 Tue 13-May-14 16:32:54

What? I would go completely bonkers if DH did that. Out. Of. Line.

It's NOT selfish to want family time on holidays.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:33:21

I would be the enemy of the family if I told him that SIL could not go as she would go running to her mum, then she would be on the phone.

If I can face speaking to him later, I am going to tell him from now on we will have separate holidays, he can do his thing and I will do mine.

I am a SAHM and I think that he is under the impression that as he paid he can invite who he wants.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 16:33:50

Call his bluff - I know a holiday is a big thing to do this on but this is about more than a holiday. The kids will get over it but he's treating you like shit - not giving a crap about how you feel. You need to stop that now. Are there any other examples of this behaviour?

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:34:05

But if they are disappointed it will be his fault. He changed the plans, not you. he;s using the dc as blackmail and he's banking on you rolling over so they are not upset. I'd tell him their disappointment lies solely at his door and he can resolve it by explaining to his sister that he made a mistake, you ALL had your hearts set on some family time.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 16:35:04

Oh and don't go (I know I know, easy for me to say) he and his sister can look after the kids.

growingolddicustingly Tue 13-May-14 16:35:17

but when it comes to his family they come first.

He needs reminding that you and your DCs are his family and should come first.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 16:36:13

How old is SIL?

Ditto what MrsKoala said.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 13-May-14 16:42:18

Keep very very calm and just shrug and say 'cancel then, but you tell the kids, and NOT that it's my fault.'

This is emotional black mail. He needs pulling up on it. Twat.

WTF? You are NOT being unreasonable. How on earth does his sister even want to come? Can you imagine accompanying a family unit on holiday? How awkward and uncomfortable. Weird weird weird.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:43:25

i take it you are a SAHM for dc that are half his? and that he agreed to this when the dc came along? in which case his wage is family money, and you are 'paying' just as much as he is. You have earned your fair share by providing all the childcare. This means you get an equal say in all holiday arrangements.

Leeds2 Tue 13-May-14 16:44:04

I too would call his bluff, and tell him to cancel. I suspect he won't.

It is very, very unreasonable to ask someone else on a family holiday without consulting with the other adult first.

I'd leave them to it and go off for a break on my own but I am the queen of sulks.

Fairenuff Tue 13-May-14 16:46:25

Firstly tell him that if he wants to cancel that's up to him. If he decides not to cancel but insists on taking SIL, then just tell him you're not going.

SATSmadness Tue 13-May-14 16:47:49

Would it be pertinent of me to ask why SIL has no-one to go on holiday with and therefore wishes to holiday with her brother and his young family ?

I would not tolerate this at all.

It's not just that he thinks it's O.K. It's that he didn't even consult you.

It smacks of "I'm taking the wife and kids on holiday this year, oh and anyone else I feel like asking to come along too".

YouTheCat Tue 13-May-14 16:47:54

Let him and his precious sister go on holiday and take the kids with them.

Then you get a whole week where the house won't get untidy. You can drink wine. You can have as many uninterrupted baths as you like and you can eat all your favourite foods without having to cook for a family.

Everyone wins. wink

Chottie Tue 13-May-14 16:50:15

Why?!?!? I can't believe he did this!!!

Perhaps you need to let SiL come on the holiday and when she turns into drama queen diva, do not try to smooth things over. Leave him and his sis to it. Shrug your shoulders, say your sis, your problem and take your DC out for the day.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Tue 13-May-14 16:51:00

He's hit the roof because he's got to go back and uninvite his sister. Well, that's just too bad. It's not even as if the last time she tagged along it was all sweetness and light, was it? If you haven't brought that up yet, you should do so at the earliest opportunity

I'd definitely call his bluff and tell him that it's hols with only your kids or it's no holiday at all. I'd be quite happy to threaten to go away with just the kids if he won't give in on this one.

He's been a twat

I would be bloody seething and would refuse to go, tell him to cancel and see if he goes through with it.

Why on earth did he see fit to invite her, twat!

MellowAutumn Tue 13-May-14 16:51:59

I would defiantly do as Youthecat says - don't disappoint the kids just let dh and sil 'holiday' together. Win win for me cause I bet SIL is not the hand son help type ;)

Doodleloomoo Tue 13-May-14 16:52:11

I'm a pretty non-confrontational people pleaser, but I too would call his bluff. Tell him that you like his sister (assuming you do) but it was a family holiday you agreed to, and that is all you will agree to still. Let him cancel and then explain to the children.

Has his sister actually booked/paid for anything?

Please don't believe that because you are a sahm you have no say on how family money is spent.

SATSmadness Tue 13-May-14 16:52:30

Perhaps tell him that he and his sister can take the kids away together and you'll have a lovely time at home free of all c/care duties.

Alternatively I'd be telling him that if he can't see why this is totally not on, you'll see him next in counselling. Ask him to move out for a while until you have considered whether you want to continue in a marriage with someone who has so little regard for your feelings.

Does he get on especially well with his sister ?

Why does she have no-one to holiday with ?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 13-May-14 16:55:46

I am sorely tempted to not even go, he said the children would be disappointed, but I rather spend the week in a caravan with them.

Sod the caravan, let him cancel & then rebook a nice hotel for you & the DCs. After all, he doesn't want the children to be disappointed!

YANBU BTW - this definitely is something that needs talking through first!

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:56:18

How would he feel if you invited someone from your family? would he mind or would he think the more the merrier?

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:58:29

She is separated with a grown up child, lives alone.

I have been hearing them on the phone for weeks with her asking about our holiday dates, I asked him why she kept asking and he said she was just being nosy, so he has been lying for ages.

I just asked him apparently she has not booked yet, but left it there as the children are about. He said he knew I would be like this thats why he never said anything. He can go by his bloody self for all I care.

JuliaScurr Tue 13-May-14 16:58:32

'as he paid he can invite who he wants'? What? What??? WHAT???
how much would he pay for your work as cook, cleaner, child carer, etc? <snorts>
he is a massive scrotum
this madness must end

dreamingofsun Tue 13-May-14 17:02:04

if he knew you'd be like this then he shouldn't have done it. he is seriously off his rocker.

jay55 Tue 13-May-14 17:02:06

It's not going to be a holiday for you if you're going to be constantly worried about when sil is going to cause a row.

Call his bluff. Even if you and the kids end up camping in the garden.

Pimpf Tue 13-May-14 17:04:45

Call his bluff let him cancel, then book somewhere nice for you and the children

No way would I be happy with this

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 17:04:59

He said he knew I would be like this thats why he never said anything

He means that's why he never said anything till he thought it was too late and you'd have to back down. Therefore forcing you to do what he wants whether you like it or not - because you wouldn't embarrass him, rock the boat with MIL, or upset the dc. That's lovely isnt it? does he understand this is a holiday for YOU too? Or does he think your whole life is one big holiday? confused

I really wouldn't go after that comment!

ruby1234 Tue 13-May-14 17:06:59

Can you ring her yourself and tell her that this is a family holiday only?

Tell her she can arrange to go away with him (and the DC) another time.

DenzelWashington Tue 13-May-14 17:08:15

I think you need to make a stand. Decisions like this should not be made behind your back. Either you all go without her, with perhaps a sop to her that you go with her on a long weekend at another time, or he goes with her and you take the children elsewhere.

wobblyweebles Tue 13-May-14 17:11:02

I would be livid. My SIL is exactly the same, and a few years ago I put my foot down and said she was not coming on holiday with us (she had assumed she was).

It caused ructions but it was worth it.

magentastardust Tue 13-May-14 17:11:20

"He has said she will get her own room.." -that's generous!

It isn't fair if it is a family holiday that this has been sprung on you. It makes the whole holiday different. As someone else said -would he mind if you invite someone else along or would he have had something to say about you doing that without discussing.

Do you like and get along well with SIL and her child? Could you maybe suggest a bigger family holiday next year but keep this one as planned?

SybilRamkin Tue 13-May-14 17:14:14

"He has said she will get her own room.." -that's generous!

This! As if she'd be bunking with you! <shudder>

You've got to sort your DH out, he's behaved like a prize twat and must not get away with this. Get him to call his sister and tell her that on reflection it might be better to have a family holiday this time, but also suggest a weekend away somewhere with her on x date so she doesn't feel rejected.

Musicaltheatremum Tue 13-May-14 17:19:39

My brother occasionally came on holiday with me, my DH and children but I always asked my DH first. I would never dream of not asking. And my brother would only come for part of the holiday.

DenzelWashington Tue 13-May-14 17:21:15

And all those years I was single and rather miserable I never expected to get to go along on my siblings' family holidays, and never to do anything arranged behind the backs of their spouses. That is really off, in my view.

expatinscotland Tue 13-May-14 17:21:49

Cancel it. I would tell him to fucking cancel it.

holidaysarenice Tue 13-May-14 17:22:42

Ring your sil and tell her straight that he is being a twat, it's family time and that you and the CDs won't be going with her. End it now. Then deal with your prat of a dh.

Bunbaker Tue 13-May-14 17:23:17

Maybe there is a chance that the hotel and flights are already booked up?

I think you should show your husband this thread and point out that everyone agrees that he is being totally selfish and unreasonable.

holidaysarenice Tue 13-May-14 17:23:18

And whilst taking the CDs on holiday could be interesting it should be dc's!!!

I'd tell him to cancel it because it's ruined now anyway, he's just going to hold this over you.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 17:24:08

In response to someone that asked if I get along with SIL, we get on ok, just don't want to spend a holiday with her.

It has changed the dynamics of the whole holiday now, I'm no longer looking forward to it, might plan a mini break to see some friends with the children, sod him and sod her.

GoblinLittleOwl Tue 13-May-14 17:26:15

Why should you have to give up your family holiday that you have been looking forward to for ages, or disappoint your children? I would speak directly and firmly to her and say it is a family holiday, your family holiday, and She Does Not Come. She has caused trouble before and is deliberately causing it again; it looks as though she has been pressurising your husband, with years of practice. Never mind if it precipitates an extended family row; as someone pointed out, you are his family now and he needs to acknowledge that.

Bunbaker Tue 13-May-14 17:28:36

"Why should you have to give up your family holiday that you have been looking forward to for ages, or disappoint your children?"

This ^^

I am so indignant on your behalf. Your husband has treated you as if you don't matter. Can you go and just ignore the SIL? Do what you and the children want and if your OH and SIL don't want to join in just leave them to it?

juneau Tue 13-May-14 17:28:46

Sod the caravan, let him cancel & then rebook a nice hotel for you & the DCs. After all, he doesn't want the children to be disappointed!


What an arsehole! I'd call his bluff. Tell him to cancel.

QuintessentiallyQS Tue 13-May-14 17:30:40

Well, with her there, you might as well cancel. Rather lose a deposit than waste time on a holiday you wont enjoy.

Tell him they dont have to book her another room, she can take your place. You will holiday at home, and he can holiday with her and the kids. He can have the time he wants with his sister.

The money he would have spent on a room for her, can be spent on a holiday for you elsewhere, or maybe with just the kids later.

Bunbaker Tue 13-May-14 17:32:35

I think staying at home while everyone else goes is cutting your nose off to spite your face. The children won't enjoy it as much with mum at home.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 17:34:07

Your right, I don't see why the children and I should forsake the holiday we had been looking forward to. He even asked me to choose the hotel, as I said before he is not usually an arse and we have had great holidays before.

I am going to let the dust settle for a few days and if he mentions the holiday I will tell him he's ruined it. I told him the other day I am not being unreasonable and I'm glad you all agree, then he stormed out, he knows he is in the wrong that's why he is acting like a petulant child.

I will keep the thread updated.

Don't do anything knee-jerk. You needoto both sit down and sort this.

Can a compromise be reached? SIL comes for part of the hol with a promise from DH that you get a family holiday next year without SIL - and he consults you in future before making a decision which doesn't only affect him?

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 17:36:17

I wouldn't stay at home either (the kids will probably get spun a line, have loads of fun and you'll be painted as a sulker). I'd insist sil be uninvited (and i'd suggest a weekend away or future break with her - which you are ALL on board with from the beginning) or the whole thing cancelled.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 17:38:23

Are you just going to leave it then? Or actually tell him to tell her that he made a mistake and that she now can't come?

BolshierAyraStark Tue 13-May-14 17:45:17

So you're going to let him bully you into a shit holiday & simply let him know he's ruined it for you?

Fuck that either tell him to uninvite her or uninvite him-if the twat likes to prioritise them over you let him book another fucking holiday for just him & his sister.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 17:46:42

Cobblers he said he'd rather none of us went than him telling her she's not going. I don't see why the children and I should lose out on the holiday we wanted.

I just don't see how this will be resolved.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 13-May-14 17:49:06

Just book another holiday for you and the children. He sounds totally unreasonable. Let him go with SIL and pack his stuff whilst he's gone!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 13-May-14 17:51:19

Oh no, x-post.

Is he usually like this? I'm not saying it's divorce fodder or anything, but it's pretty bloody selfish. Why would he do this and not consult you?

MostWicked Tue 13-May-14 17:52:19

What an absolute arsehole!
You have every right to be furious.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 17:54:20

No not normally like this. He said I would say no so he never told me. Maybe the two of them should just eff off on holiday together.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 17:56:06

It will only be resolved one way or the other when you stop him treating you like crap. I know that sounds harsh but from what I'm reading it's true.
I've been really angry on your behalf reading this. He won't let his sister down so he'll cancel your holiday? Screw that, tell him to cancel and take yourself and the kids somewhere without him. I wouldn't go on principle.

qwertybirdie Tue 13-May-14 17:57:07

Tell him to book himself a holiday with SIL. You and the kids can then enjoy yours.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 17:58:36

i'd go off with the kids myself and tell him to fuck off.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 13-May-14 17:59:31

Exactly - he'll happily let you down but not his sister?! Where are his priorities? I'd be so upset if this were me - just the total lack of empathy he's shown you.

Ludoole Tue 13-May-14 17:59:33

So he knew you would say no but invited her anyway???? hmm

juneau Tue 13-May-14 18:01:47

he said he'd rather none of us went than him telling her she's not going

Fine, so tell him to cancel, and then re-book something for you and the kids. He's being an utter arse and he doesn't have a leg to stand on. As you say, I suspect he knows this, which is why he's being so defensive and arsey. He's also being extremely stupid - if you were going to piss someone off would you choose to piss off the person you have to live with, day in day out, or the one you don't?

whatever5 Tue 13-May-14 18:03:27

I would tell him that he can go on holiday with your SIL and you will go somewhere else with the children.

Inertia Tue 13-May-14 18:03:43

You and the DCS are his primary family.

It's not his money , he isn't paying for it- it's money that belongs to the household. You are a SAHM and facilitate him being able to work.

Him planning this with his sister without even consulting you shows a total and utter lack of respect for you.

Of course you and the DC should not miss out because he is having a tantrum. I'd ring the sister yourself.

Igggi Tue 13-May-14 18:06:34

If he "wins" this time, do you really think it will be any different in the future?

whatever5 Tue 13-May-14 18:07:29

I initially thought that he had just not thought about what he was doing when he invited her without consulting you and was acting like a twit as telling her she couldn't come after inviting her would understandably cause upset.

The fact that he knew you wouldn't want your SIL to go and deliberately went behind your back makes this much much worse.

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker Tue 13-May-14 18:09:46

Hahahahahahaha. He's having a laugh, isn't he? Who gave him the right to tell you what you're to do?

I wouldn't be going off on hols with him and I would also take responsibility of booking future holidays for the family and refusing to be specific about the details until you leave the UK.

Hope you get it resolved!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 13-May-14 18:14:46

I don't honestly think you should "leave the dust to settle" for a few days, as this will surely send a message to him that you have accepted his 'ruling', and SIL will carry on with her booking.

I would have to make it abundantly clear that he can either take this holiday with SIL or with you & the DCs, and that you need to know which it is so that you can book something else for yourself & the DCs if necessary, what with flights & hotels getting booked up for the school holidays.

If he does actually say he'd rather go with SIL then that tells you enough to tell him to pack his bags (for good, rather than just a holiday).

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 13-May-14 18:15:26

Also, out of fairness to SIL, she needs to know before she books and parts with her cash.

SchoolsQs Tue 13-May-14 18:19:19

"i didn't tell you because you would do this" is a pathetic, childish argument!

I hope you have equal access to family money in order to book the planned holiday, without SIL and perhap your H if he really won't go without her!

PatrickStarisabadbellend Tue 13-May-14 18:19:21

Personally I would leave your dh at home and go with your children.
What a tosser he is!

4seasons Tue 13-May-14 18:26:34

I am furious on your behalf but it is probably too late to do anything about it now. However , he should be sitting down with you to have a conversation about how you were equal partners and that you have the right to your opinions . He is not your lord and master and the " what I say goes " attitude needs to be challenged.You have my sympathy as several years ago my DH invited his parents on a 5 week ( yes, 5 whole weeks with my in laws ) holiday to New Zealand ! It was supposed to be the holiday of a lifetime for us and we had saved hard for it . It was a nightmare to be honest. He told me at the time that he didn't think I would mind but if I did I should tell his parents they couldn't come !! Needless to say we had " the conversation " and he has not done it again .However , we couldn't un book the holiday without losing tons of cash . Please stick up for yourself or you will find yourself in many similar situations in the future .

Euphemia Tue 13-May-14 18:30:17

What a controlling arse.

ButchCassidy Tue 13-May-14 18:38:23

I would be so disappointed. It would change the whole dynamic. OP stand firm

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 18:39:31

5 weeks 4 seasons hell on earth. He gone to work now but I very childishly told him he was a selfish bully who puts him self first before he went.

everlong Tue 13-May-14 18:40:20


What was he thinking? How bloody selfish not talking to you first.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 18:41:21

I was so upset I was sobbing silently all evening. More angry now.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 18:43:43

That's not childish OP - it's the truth isn't it?

handcream Tue 13-May-14 18:43:47

Why does he want your SIL to go. Just her?

everlong Tue 13-May-14 18:45:42

I would be angry too OP. He's being obnoxious and bullying you.

Don't say you're not going. Why should you miss out?

ICanSeeTheSun Tue 13-May-14 18:47:27

I wouldn't be happy either, family time is very rare for our family unit.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 18:47:59

The thing is to me it wouldn't be missing out. It would be going and spending money on being miserable. I'd rather cancel, have the money of 'my share' and go somewhere i with people i wanted to be with.

bubalou Tue 13-May-14 18:50:00

So 'if' there are spaces left and she manages to book then you will have her with you, this isn't ideal but as you said -

1, you and the kids shouldn't miss out
2, you will get agro from mil (not fair btw)

So what will happen will happen. It sucks arse but it think now - let it go completely and watch him regret the decision.

She will no doubt keep asking him questions and causing a fuss about flights and rooms etc and I reckon half way through the holiday he will regret inviting her.

You can just sit back smugly and watch him squirm.


LemonBreeland Tue 13-May-14 18:53:33

How can you be the unreasonable selfish one when he invited her behind your back on purpose. I would say he has been incredibly selfish ruining a holiday for you and your dc.

OurMiracle1106 Tue 13-May-14 19:02:52

Id would be tempted to invite a member of my family without telling him and wait for his response to it. I dunno maybe your mum or someone......

catsmother Tue 13-May-14 19:03:26

I feel so sorry for you. He's not just a selfish bully but also a selfish lying bully who's obviously been plotting all this for some while.

However much you like someone - relatives, friends, next door's dog - whoever, you just don't unilaterally decide to invite someone else on a family holiday without discussion. And in this case, the person in question has past history for trouble.

Even if she was lovely that's not the point. A.n.other body changes the dynamics .... and it certainly isn't conducive to relaxed, romantic couple time after the kids have gone to bed if you have a gooseberry hanging about.

Yes ... if he won't back down, let him cancel, let him go off with the precious sister who can't be refused, and book somewhere nice for yourselves and the children. But that would still make me very angry and very sad - because the point of a family holiday is to create family memories with both parents (if you're not a single parent obviously) and to spend quality time with your partner - which of course would then be wrecked by his heavy handed selfishness.

Which means that if he prefers to forego that by prioritising his sister you have to wonder very seriously where his loyalties really lie. It's disgusting he'd do this to you all.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:03:27

If you get on ok with her, I actually don't see what the problem is.

The holiday will be what you make it, regardless who is there.

There is no way I would need to ask my dp if my brother could be invited anywhere and also that goes to dp in regards to his family.

I'm sorry op but I think your being bratish and to change the kids holiday to prove a point is just mean.

Why dont you stay at home on your own and let them all have a good time? I would also be concerned at how your dh feels about discussing things with you as you come across hostile.

TheRealAmandaClarke Tue 13-May-14 19:05:43

He has behaved badly. It's most unfair to disrespect your viewpoint in this way.
But. I don't really see what you can do now without the dc's losing out.
He's not going to cancel.
I would freeze him out for a bit just for self preservation

BuggersMuddle Tue 13-May-14 19:06:01

I think your husband is behaving appallingly.

Neither of us would commit to holidays / overnight stays involving other family members or friends without speaking to the other. It's just common courtesy.

Having said that from your posts the invite itself is not the worst thing. He lied to you and now he want prioritise what you want over disappointing his sister. That would be the kicker for me, because whether he means it or not, he's treating you as thought you are fairly low down his priority list. sad

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 13-May-14 19:07:20

How dare he not even ask. Fine to ask, discuss it and make a decision together, but to be kept out.of sevret plans that he knew you wouldnt be happy with is nasty.

iseenodust Tue 13-May-14 19:11:32

No-one should ever invite another along on a family holiday without consulting the other adult. I would be seething and planning day trips for while on holiday that I know SIL wouldn't enjoy such as a waterpark or a Roman ampitheatre (bribing the DC if necessary) *because I can be that petty*.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Tue 13-May-14 19:13:40

I'd see my arse if my oh invited someone on holiday with us (as would he). Shame you can't go on holiday and he stays home for quality family time with 'his' family.

iseenodust Tue 13-May-14 19:14:22

grin that should have been strike though not shouty statement of my failings

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 19:15:12

Softlysoftly I would never ask someone on Holiday without checking with my husband.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:15:18

She is family.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:16:00

She is his sister. He might feel sorry for her.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:17:13

At the very least sh can watch the kids while you go out for meals and do something nice together.

FullySwindonian Tue 13-May-14 19:18:50

Why don't you consider the addition of another family member as childcare? It means you and your husband can get quality time with eachother (because ou are going to need some talking time after this incident!) and your children can enjoy some time with their Aunty?

iseenodust Tue 13-May-14 19:23:35

He can feel sorry for his sister and ask respect his wife by asking 'would it be a good idea to ask SIL to join them?'. He's just been deceitful and is now stropping.

expatinscotland Tue 13-May-14 19:25:40

Why assume she is going to be available for childcare? She's coming for a holiday, not as a babysitter hmm?

YouTheCat Tue 13-May-14 19:25:41

You just know that OP will end up being the childcare whilst him and his sister go out though. I can see it happening.

WitchWay Tue 13-May-14 19:33:50

My recently-widowed mum came on a fortnight's holiday with us after our discussing it fully first - in fact it was my DH's idea.

It was bloody awful, changed the dynamic completely & is never ever ever going to happen again!

paxtecum Tue 13-May-14 19:34:04

Softly, he is putting himself and his sister before his wife.

He and his sister are more important than his wife.

So bollocks to the sister possibly babysitting.

Op can suck it up like you suggest or make a stand, which may have consequences and result in changes.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:34:21

Can you ? youthecat do you know the family personally?

If it was his best mate or a family friend I could understand.

The op gets on with SIL.

There was no discussion on the matter as the dh already knew what the outcome would be - which I think is actually the problem .

Maybe he sees 'family' time as him spending time with his actual family?

This won't be the last holiday op goes on. All this drama and nastiness because he dared to invite his sister with out his wife's permission.

If it was the op that had asked her db or dsis and the dh was kicking off and threatening to stop the kids going, every one would be screaming LTB and that he is controlling and abusive.

Ewieindwie1 Tue 13-May-14 19:35:17

I've been reading this feeling very sorry for you op. foul situation and unfair. You are right to want some time just with your partner and the children. I try to sort that every year too and we get to know each other again. It's different with other people around.

Are you calm enough to write things down and then speak to your Sil on the phone? Point out that you are keen to put your relationship high on the holiday agenda and that you would appreciate her support and some space?

Also, you've said a couple of times that he is not normally like this. What's changed? Why do his siblings/parents come first? You are his SO, life partner, lover and you want him to be on your side not against you.

I really sympathise. Good luck and stay calm. (Easy to say I know)

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Tue 13-May-14 19:35:35

Yes op you must make a stand and LTB. confused

TheRealAmandaClarke Tue 13-May-14 19:36:29

iseenodust has the answer.
Or take your boyfriend [ink]

Even if it's desirable over my dead body to have someone else on your holiday. Even if he feels sorry for her and should invite her, it's pretty outrageous to do so without consultation. Even more so when he clearly knew you'd be unhappy about it.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 19:38:04

You've missed the point softlysoftly, he deliberately didn't ask the OP because he knows that she wouldn't agree. He planned it, hid it from her and pretty much presented it as a fait accompli and is now behaving like a bully and threatening to cancel because the OP is not happy about it BUT he doesn't care about her feelings. OP does not have to put up with being treated like crap.

the pain in the arse SIL will probably not want to babysit either and for that I wouldn't blame her. But then if I was her I wouldn't be going on holiday with them anyway without checking with OP.

expatinscotland Tue 13-May-14 19:40:09

How do we know? OP says they have not had time together as a family in a long time. She says the SIL is a drama llama who starts rows.

So he can go on holiday with her.

catsmother Tue 13-May-14 19:40:09

I personally wouldn't care if the proposed holiday companion was Mary bloody Poppins personified - he should still have consulted OP before asking anyone else !

Let's be realistic - who would want to go on holiday and be stuck looking after someone else's children for several nights ? .... I'd be astonished if that's her motivation for wanting to come.

And even if she was willing to do that ... does it really make up for OP's DH being so damned dismissive and disrespectful towards her ? Not to mention the fact she'd have to be factored in to each day's plans - having to co-ordinate leaving times, finding something everyone wants to do, not being able to have private conversations etc ..... which is yet another reason why OP should have been consulted as having to cater to the wants/needs of an extra body could potentially change everything. She doesn't sound like the sort of person who'd passively go along with whatever you wanted to do if she's the sort to "go running to her mum" if she doesn't get her own way does she ?

TheRealAmandaClarke Tue 13-May-14 19:40:49

softly did you mss the bit where the op says she doesn't want to go n holiday with her SIL?
Or that she's been sobbing about it? Or that her dh knew she wouldn't like it and that's why he didn't tell her? Or the art where the op says she gets on "ok" with her SIL? (rather than gets on very well)
Surely everyone knows that holidaying with friends or extended family can be awkward. Ppl fall out forever over holiday debacles.

Whereisegg Tue 13-May-14 19:42:13

softly I can sort of see what you're saying and it's lovely that you would have no problem with your dh inviting members of his family on your family holiday without telling you.
But the op doesn't feel like that and the fact her dh knew she wouldn't like it so did it behind her back and even lied, is bloody appalling.

Whereisegg Tue 13-May-14 19:43:25

x-post with loads of you!

supersop60 Tue 13-May-14 19:49:35

He is not normally such an arsehole but when it comes to his family they come first.

You and the dcs are his family, surely?

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 19:52:05

To those saying sit back and let him realise what mistake he has made - i think that is a very risky strategy. They have gone with SIL before and according to OP she caused a row then. So he doesn't seem to have learned from that experience. And what if he has a great time while OP is miserable, all he will learn is he was right.

clam Tue 13-May-14 19:56:53

This would be bad enough if he'd just been impetuous and thoughtless and asked SIL on a whim.
But he KNEW the OP would have a major problem with it, and went ahead anyway, keeping it a secret, AND believing all the while that her opinion didn't really count anyway because it's his money that's paying for it. hmm angry

I would go so far as to say that, if this is his attitude, then the holiday is probably the least of your problems.

rumbleinthrjungle Tue 13-May-14 19:57:37

Argh, YANBU!

This is about the point I'd be handing him a suitcase and telling him he can go and stay with SiL while he works out whether or not he likes having a wife! It's indefensible.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 19:59:57

If the DH's responses had been different i would have been more sympathetic. If he said he's sorry, he just didn't think, but now realises it was wrong to to consult the other adult about who (if anyone) they wanted to accompany them on their once a year family time holiday, but know he's asked, could the OP please try to accommodate SIL and he promises next year a family holiday and he wouldn't do it again etc... I'd probably say try to make the best of it, he's been a berk, but he realises his mistake. But his responses have been really unpleasant and bullying. ANd admitting he knew OP wouldn't like it but did it anyway is a massive slap in the face imo.

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 20:04:59

MrsKoala your right about it being a massive slap in the face. If he had said i'm really sorry I should have asked/discussed it, then it would not have been as bad- still not right though. But the fact that he completely dismissed the way I felt, and the fact that he doesn't want to spend his time with just us.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 20:10:30

*This would be bad enough if he'd just been impetuous and thoughtless and asked SIL on a whim.
But he KNEW the OP would have a major problem with it, and went ahead anyway, keeping it a secret, AND believing all the while that her opinion didn't really count anyway because it's his money that's paying for it.
I would go so far as to say that, if this is his attitude, then the holiday is probably the least of your problems.*

Clam has said everything I was trying to, but much more succinctly!

RedRoom Tue 13-May-14 20:11:51

I would also be livid. I also think his sister is a bit weird. I would not want to intrude on my brother and SIL's holiday with their children, and am not sure why anyone would think its great to tag along like a gooseberry.

To me, the SIL coming is a whole other issue: it's his decision to deliberately exclude you from big decisions, not care that you are now upset, and effectively lie to you that is the biggie.

QuintessentiallyQS Tue 13-May-14 20:12:06

Pretty shitty of him to say that if his sister cant holiday with you all, he wont go at all. That is truly a massive slap in the face.

Do you think he was planning to use her as a babysitter so you and him could go out in the evening?

PestoSunnyissimos Tue 13-May-14 20:12:09

Please just ring your SIL and explain that your DH hadn't discussed this with you and you really wanted it to be a holiday for your family, away from everybody.

Say to her that you don't mind if she wants to have a separate break away just her & your DH if they want some 'quality' time together, but you don't think this necessitates impacting on your own family holiday.

Tell her, stuff DH!

Pimpf Tue 13-May-14 20:12:55

Softly, I disagree, if a woman came on here saying shed invited her sister on a family holiday without discussing it with her dh she would be told she is being unreasonable.

Fairenuff Tue 13-May-14 20:13:02

He refuses to risk upsetting his sister, but he is perfectly happy to upset his wife.

I think you have more problems than a holiday, OP. He doesn't care about you.

That's it. He is telling you clear as day sad

PestoSunnyissimos Tue 13-May-14 20:14:46

BTW, my DH once did a similar thing to me whilst on a family week away. Invited his DSis to eat with us without consulting me first and then invited her tto come & stay with us for 'a little break', when we, as a family, had not been away for over 4 years shock angry

clam Tue 13-May-14 20:19:26

Actually yes, you could tell him it's up to him whether he upsets his wife or his sister, but that he ought to bear in mind which one he's presumably hoping to have sex with in future.

Igggi Tue 13-May-14 20:22:14

..unless his sister is called Cersei.


This may be going out on a limb but -- you say you don't have a lot of family time together. Why is that? Does your husband normally make an effort to spend time with just you and DC? Basically, is this part of a larger problem of your husband not prioritising time with you all?

TheFairyCaravan Tue 13-May-14 20:40:12

I would have gone up the bloody wall if DH had pulled this trick. It is the deceit and the lies that I couldn't live with. In your shoes OP I wouldn't go. Even if it meant staying at home on my own I would because I am a stubborn cow.

My nan was widowed just before I was born, my mum was an only child, and from us being very young my nan holidayed with us. It worked very, very well, but, and it is a massive but, my parents sat down and talked about it and agreed that she should be invited before she was.

BuggersMuddle Tue 13-May-14 20:55:05

I can't understand the - admittedly few - posters suggesting this is a good thing.

If I was going away with a mate (and I have done) then we'd have a conversation to agree:

- Where we want to go
- When we want to go
- How much we want to spend
- Who's going

Now for example, I went hillwalking with my best friend & we agreed accommodation, who was driving etc. DP was invited but didn't want to come. If my friend had suddenly suggested that he bring was 10 people of varying abilities, I would have been peeved because I get embarrassed about my low walking speed. If he had suddenly suggested that he brought his other mate who I like but who is an ace mountaineer, I would have been peeved (because they are both ace mountaineers and I would have felt like a 3rd wheel).

I think it's worse on a marriage or partnership, but if I'd put money down on a weekend with a friend I wouldn't expect it to radically change. I'm afraid going from nuclear family to inlaws is a radical change for me, as it is for the OP.

My DP's extended family holiday together every year BTW, despite mostly living near each other. Myself and PIL (who are much further away) pitch up for a couple of nights when we can, but do not make that our main holiday.

Bunbaker Tue 13-May-14 21:10:14

I think Softlysoftly is the SIL

SisterMoonshine Tue 13-May-14 21:20:25

I'm also amazed at the cheek of the SIL actually booking the holiday without at least a conversation with you first.

I think you do need to speak to her.

Tansie Tue 13-May-14 21:24:47

My DH is a great bloke- but I had to wrest him from the 'comfort' of a seriously controlling mother!

She and I 'rubbed along' with a few 'issues' between me and DH (or fiancé as maybe he was, then) largely based on him and me leaving our jobs at 5pm Friday, driving the 3 hours up to theirs, then being coolly questioned as to why we'd arrived at 9 pm not 8? Hmm? He never said 'Because Tansie and I, unlike you, bloody well WORK and have OTHER STUFF in our lives, you stupid bitch woman'. And God Forbid we'd try and leave there before 8pm on Sunday- although I'd have to be at work at 8am Monday, 3 hours away... We might be cold shouldered for a week for that transgression (grin).

Anyway, this all finally reached a head when DS1 was born. It was a difficult time for us, anyway; he wasn't a straight-forward baby and I was an older mum. MIL came 'to help' (and never, ever without her lovely but wholly ineffectual DH and DH's older, bachelor SAH DB in tow- the three of them, joined at the hip). DS howled and howled, she couldn't understand it! What was I doing wrong?? She was such a cow that eventually, 2 weeks of agony in, DH had to be A Man. He had to explain that his loyalties lay with me, not her, and that he'd support me over her if he were forced to choose, and that she'd just have to get her head around it.... Bearing in mind that at our wedding, 2 years prior, MIL came up to me and said 'How wonderful you're joining my family to which I said "Yes, but I see myself and DH as forming our own family separate to you or my parents " (so back off, woman)...

Off they flounced. what followed was a blissful month of radio silence. Then DB called to build bridges, mentioning how 'hurt' mother was- to which DH retorted that he didn't know the facts and that mother needed to respect some boundaries. So, no discussion, or air-clearing followed BUT she sure as hell respected those boundaries after that!

My DH is not a willful or 'strong', opinionated man, but when it counted, he made it clear to his family that his own, chosen, new family was his new loyalty so they'd just better accept it.

It hasn't been plain sailing; with the demise of DH's parents, DBIL (still single) thinks I am a witch but he knows better that to cite it.

Which boils down to the fact the OP has to have 'The Chat' with his family.....

Tansie Tue 13-May-14 21:32:21

For the record, my own mother can be difficult and opinionated (like me!), but, DH mentioned that he might book a holiday cottage for Whitsun and asked me 'With or without nanna? What do you think?'

I could kiss him, He doesn't get on amazingly with my mum but he behaves like an adult and sees that she might like the break; it means we can maybe have a night off at the pub; and that she will inject a different 'note' into the few days off. And she is 80 so won't be here for ever.

This is how it should be. Mutual respect, like I, maybe through gritted teeth, showed his mother til she demanded DH demonstrated preferences... her or ME! And he chose 'her'....that'd be me !grin

As others have said, sadly, it demonstrates an elephant in the room. It needs sorting.


2rebecca Tue 13-May-14 22:03:58

I'm the one in our relationship with single extended family members. I'd never invite anyone unless my husband was happy with it though, and I'd never have all our holidays with extended family members.
I would be upset and angry about this, but this is one reason I would never give up my financial independance. I don't want some man talking about doing what he wants with his money.
The SIL sounds a minor issue here though, it's more that the husband has no respect consideration or even affection for his wife and seems to be avoiding spending time alone with her and the kids and doesn't consider her an equal partner in the relationship. Not upsetting his sister is more important to him than not upsetting his wife and kids.
Saying he would upset his wife and kids by cancelling their holiday rather than telling his sister he'd made a mistake and hadn't discussed inviting her, and they prefer to just go as a family to have time together is very screwed up priorities.

HelenHen Tue 13-May-14 22:30:41

Wow! This is messed up! I get on with sils, have been on holiday with them before and have suggested them come with us before... But never ever ever would dh dream of taking it upon himself to invite somebody on our goal without discussing it... Never! And then threatening to cancel? Something's off!

foslady Tue 13-May-14 22:36:38

Unless he is ever going to say the words 'sorry I should have spoke to you 1st' I think this holiday is ruined - if SIL goes you will be unhappy, if she doesn't go your husband will be an arse.

Send him with SIL seeing as they are the only ones who want to go now. Amd when MIL asks why only them two don;t be afraid to tell her

GoblinLittleOwl Wed 14-May-14 14:22:18

The issue that really needs facing is the influence sister in law and family have over husband, which leads him to upset his wife and children in preference to them. He knows his behaviour is unfair, which is why he concealed it; sister in law has deliberately muscled in on the family holiday and he is too weak to stand up to her. It is a very serious issue; his family and their influence on him are a powerful threat to their marriage; it needs confronting now. OP recognises this, which is why she is so upset over the holiday.

MaxPepsi Wed 14-May-14 15:57:00

I hope you get it all sorted OP.

My DH is a saint when it comes to my family - we are a large and close and enjoy each others company most of the time There are plenty of family camping trips and days out etc. He actually prefers mine to his own but even so I wouldn't dream of inviting them anywhere when it was our time without asking him first, even if it was just a day out never mind a longed for holiday.

We did in fact take my mum away with us on our first anniversary holiday. It was his idea as it happens as he recognised she could probably do with the break. We had a 2 bedroom cottage booked and only needed one room so it cost her nothing. It was his way of thanking her for being such a marvellous MIL.

OhCobblers Mon 19-May-14 14:19:36

Hi OP wondered how you are and if this was resolved?

desperatedino Thu 12-Jun-14 20:52:11


Thought I would update. Sorry for the delay. Well he aplogised said he should have asked first. However, she is all booked and going. Apparently I am still selfish as she hasnt gone away in years. Feel so down. I guess there are deeper seated problems in our marriage.

WaitMonkey Thu 12-Jun-14 20:54:39

Unfortunately, I think you're right. sad

deakymom Thu 12-Jun-14 21:05:30

agree with monkey this feels a little wrong to me but my DH was trying to get his parents to come down when we were on holiday we have never been on holiday before and i really wanted it to be us but at every opportunity he invited them down luckily his stepdad took the hint and was "working" so they couldn't come down in the camper van grin families at a distance is better than families too close

dalziel1 Fri 01-Aug-14 08:57:44

Don't go (you will hate it anyway).

Personally, I would tell her that you aren't going because you were neither consulted nor informed. I'd say to her that its nothing to do with her, but you feel let down by your husband.

Let her feed that message back to MIL (and SIL who obviously kept it from you too).

dalziel1 Fri 01-Aug-14 09:00:18

I am saying that as someone who got strong-armed into a holiday with the in-laws that wasn't right for me (due to being 8 months pregnant).

The tension built up over a few days and we had an argument halfway through the holiday that nearly ended our marriage. It took years to get past what happened that night.

Primafacie Fri 01-Aug-14 09:02:04


thatstoast Fri 01-Aug-14 09:07:23

I don't think it's a zombie thread when the op comes back to update, albeit 3 months later.

bruffin Fri 01-Aug-14 09:16:54

The op didnt come back 3 months later, she updated a month later and someone chose to resurrect it 6 weeks later

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Fri 01-Aug-14 09:19:41

Even if it is half zombie, I want to know how the holiday went?

So not a zombie thread grin

Darn it, I was hoping for an update

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 02-Aug-14 11:34:02

Hope the OP is ok anyhow? wine

desperatedino Wed 20-Aug-14 22:32:31

Hi all thought I would update.

well all was going well until day 2 of the holiday. SIL declared she was bored and we werent staying up late enough for her. She also wanted Dh to go out partying with her at 2am while myself and children stayed in. Dh had enought at this point and told her he was on a family holiday and would not be leaving us alone.

I also took the children out for the day and told him I was going on the next flight home if he did not sort it out. Returned later that day and Sil apologised and tried to be nice. It was so exhausting though making sure everybody was happy with all the plans each day.

Now we are back at home I am still angry and resentful about my holiday being ruined. Dh has apologised so much and under no uncertain terms noone is ever coming with us ever again. I told him this would happen and I was right.

Now we

desperatedino Wed 20-Aug-14 22:33:43

Sorry about spellings on my dodgy phone.

cherrybombxo Thu 21-Aug-14 12:41:19

Wow, she had the cheek to complain that you weren't doing what SHE wanted on YOUR holiday that she crashed? She sounds delightful.

I could almost understand what your DH did if he was inviting another couple, who could go off and do their own thing but to invite one person to third-wheel on your family holiday is so weird. Even weirder that she wanted to.

I'm sorry that your holiday was ruined but the silver lining is you get to say, "HA! Told you so!" to your DH...

Lymmmummy Thu 21-Aug-14 13:27:47

To be honest - like many family disputes (I have been in middle of plenty both with own in laws and with friends complaints) I find it's often husbands fault for not being clear with expectations - ie he should not have encouraged SIL to join you without discussing it with you - and then as men often do he tries to make you feel like you have been the selfish one for not being welcoming - anyway sounds like she pushed him too far this time. When will men learn bad situations don't go away just because you ignore them??

OP, I feel your pain! Every year, my DSis and I take DS and our brother's two boys camping. This year, our former DSIL (the boys' mum) decided she was coming too.

Even though we both love DExSIL and get on really well with her, it totally changed the dynamic. There was lots of moaning about the inconveniences of tents (I mean really, did she expect an en-suite?) and no sitting up drinking wine after the boys had gone to bed. Completely ruined our holiday.

She's not bloody coming ever again, even if she wants to!

Glad your husband's learnt his lesson. Shame it had to be at the expense of your lovely holiday, though.

AbbieHoffmansAfro Thu 21-Aug-14 13:51:35

I'm really sorry your holiday was spoiled, but in the long run I think good will come of it. It made life difficult, your SIL was rude and overstepped the mark, your DH has realised this. I don't think he's likely to make the same mistake again, and you can just avoid her.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 21-Aug-14 14:14:03

Well, I'm glad your DH has seen the error of his ways! Sorry it spoiled your holiday though. Your SIL sounds like a brat though, whinging about a holiday she gatecrashed. What on earth did she expect a family holiday with kids to be like?

pictish Thu 21-Aug-14 14:25:12

I hope he's eaten a great big slice of humble pie! There was so much upset over his insistence that she come, calling you selfish and threatening you with cancelling if he didn't get his way and so on...he acted like a complete shit over it!
And now oh ho - big surprise...she was a pain in the arse whose presence totally marred the longed for holiday. Just as you accurately foretold.

I suppose it's ultimately a good thing, as you'll not have to have that argument again.
But still...shame you had to go through it for him to understand it. What a stubborn idiot he is.

Inertia Thu 21-Aug-14 14:57:08

Sorry your holiday was spoiled.

Hope your DH has apologised for the shitty way he treated you before the holiday as well.

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