To be annoyed about OH borrowing people money?

(66 Posts)
ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 18:13:26

Ok annoyed is an understatement atm. My dryer broke down recently, and we were to buy a new one when OH got paid. So when he got paid he borrowed money to his family without asking me (he never asks angry ) Unfortunately this just so happened to be the money for the dryer.

So today my childrens bedding needed washing and now i'm sitting at after 6 at night with soaking wet bedding trying to dry it on radiators, everyone is practically dying off the heat and lucky OH gets to escape it all by being at work hmm

I could swing for OH right now angry I also have a potty training toddler and I am about to give up on trying to dry all the washing, it just won't bloody dry.

I know this isn't massive in the grand scheme of things but I am just so fucked off. AIBU?

jaggythistle Sun 11-May-14 18:14:24

So he's lending your money to people?

Lucie99 Sun 11-May-14 18:15:55

Seems pretty thoughtless. Is your OH the father of your children?

As a side shouldn't it read lend money rather than borrow or is that a regional thing?

phantomnamechanger Sun 11-May-14 18:17:51

was it some dire family emergency?
is he telling you the truth? or does he have debts or a gambling problem you don't know about? is all money shared money? do you have money, even if only £10 a month, to spend just on you for treats etc?

WitchWay Sun 11-May-14 18:18:50

He is lending, they are borrowing

Agree not ideal to do this without discussing it with you first

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 11-May-14 18:19:20

Has he explained why lending money to his family is more important to him than you and your family? And why he can't consult with you before he does it?

I'd go on laundry-strike if I were you

Bunbaker Sun 11-May-14 18:22:24

So he lent the money to his family without telling you? That's a bit mean. Wash all his clothes and leave them in a wet pile on the floor. Evil grin

Next time his family want to borrow money from you ask him to discuss it with you first.

butterflyby Sun 11-May-14 18:23:32

Lend to
Borrow from

OwlCapone Sun 11-May-14 18:26:15

He should have discussed it with you. Unless it was for something really urgent.

littleblackno Sun 11-May-14 18:26:41

He's a twat for lending money without takking to you about it. But do you seriously only have one set of bedding that has to be washed and dried on the same day?! (Misses the point)

littleblackno Sun 11-May-14 18:27:11


Bunbaker Sun 11-May-14 18:29:46

Yes. Don't you have spare sheets/duvet covers? What do you do if the children were sick on their bedclothes and need a clean change in the middle of the night?

skittycat Sun 11-May-14 18:31:18

littleblackno I missed the point as well! Surely an extra set of bedding would be handy.

What did your OH lend his family the money for?

ilovesooty Sun 11-May-14 18:32:38

Ask him who he lent it to and tell him to get it back.
And tell him it's totally unacceptable and any repetition will have you seriously reconsidering the future of your relationship.

Motherinlawsdung Sun 11-May-14 18:35:25

Give the OP a break. Not everyone has loads of spare bed linen and she is dealing with a toddler as well.
OP he is acting like a knob and your children should be his priority, not the other members of his extended family.

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 18:36:08

I knew I'd get the lending/borrowing thing the wrong way around blush

No there are no debts or anything I don't know about and it wasn't an emergency it was just for bills which they were short of cash for. I do actually spend at least £10 a month on myself on a monthly subscription for beauty products.
All money in this house is shared he just has a habit of lending(?) money to his family without asking me. It just so happens that this time we are left without a dryer and bills of our own to pay.

ilovesooty Sun 11-May-14 18:38:16

So how are you going to ensure he never does it again?

I actually think it is a big deal.

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 18:38:16

I would be annoyed too. When will he get the money back?

Any need for so many people to point out the lend , borrow thing?

Jinty64 Sun 11-May-14 18:40:26

Have you any family who would dry the bedding for you. Can you afford to use the laundrette until you replace the dryer. I take it you don't have outside drying space.

He should not, under any circumstances, have lent money without discussing it with you first.

hotcrosshunny Sun 11-May-14 18:41:50

I would be pissed off. It is your family money not his to give away. Bloody hell.

petalsandstars Sun 11-May-14 18:42:29

A tell his family that you need it back

B take the washing round theirs to dry

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 18:42:49

The weather is supposed to get drier next week, have you got outside space?

Not really the point I know.

RussianBlu Sun 11-May-14 18:43:01

It's lending, LENDING. Not borrowing to people. (Sorry, this is like nails on a blackboard for me).

P.S You aren't being unreasonable.

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 18:44:29

I think that has been pointed out, several times. Russian.


steff13 Sun 11-May-14 18:44:36

You are not being unreasonable to be angry, that's a huge hassle. Do people ever pay the money back when the borrow it? It's family money and you should have a say in whether you, as a family, lend it.

You are being unreasonable for using the word borrow when you meant lend.

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 18:46:10


Can you all STFU about it now.

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 11-May-14 18:49:33

I think they need to address their outgoings if they have to borrow money off your oh.

Does it get paid back to him?.

Motherinlawsdung Sun 11-May-14 18:51:51

Why can't people read the fucking thread, especially when it's only two dozen posts? OP has already acknowledged the grammatical mistake. I'm a stickler for grammar myself but RTFT!!

RandomMess Sun 11-May-14 18:53:28

I think it's a big deal too. You clearly don't have enough money for him to loan out cash if it's leaving you short in order to be able to buy a dryer (they're not that expensive) AND usual bills???

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 18:54:53

Yes it does get paid back but I'll be lucky if it's the full amount all at once. More often than not it ends up being small amounts here and there hmm

phantomnamechanger Sun 11-May-14 18:55:47

Has he lent it to this person before, and do they repay it promptly - or are they taking the P big time?
If they are genuinely less well off than you, then it is nice to know he is generous, but should still discuss with you first. If they are the type that blow their money then whine about being short when a bill comes in, then they should be told in no uncertain terms where to go.

MrsDeVere Sun 11-May-14 18:56:02

I just have to do this a few times first hmm hmm and another hmm

now shut up. <glares>

OP you are not being unreasonable. He shouldn't lend out money put by for something else.

And please do NOT be embarrassed because you used a 'wrong' word. Others should be embarrassed for making you blush

<glares again>

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 18:57:49

To be fair our usual bills would have been fine but the cat had to make an unexpected visit to the vets but then that would have probably been fine if he hadn't of gave them money urgh he can be such a dick

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 11-May-14 18:58:59

Whatever issues this family member isn't helped if he bails them out.

I'm betting its a parent or sibling so feels obliged to help.

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 19:01:08

It's nice he helps his family out, but he needs to make sure you are ok money wise first.

Send him to the laundrette with the wet washing.

phantomnamechanger Sun 11-May-14 19:01:29

OK, how much money is it? can you casually mention to the person concerned that this has left you in a bit of a spot, so they KNOW they need to repay it with some degree of urgency. Maybe they think this is less of a big deal? Maybe OH has led them to believe things are not as tight for you as they are?

skittycat Sun 11-May-14 19:02:36

Okay, well I don't think he is unreasonable for wanting to lend his family members money, but he is unreasonable for not talking it over with you first.

As such, you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed! smile

NearTheWindymill Sun 11-May-14 19:03:56

OK thinking of logical, practical solutions short-term.

OP do you have a big table cloth, throw that you can use as an undersheet for tonight? Can you find something to suffice as an oversheet for one night? Sleeping bags - owned or borrowed.

It isn't the end of the world if the DC sleep on their mattresses with a towel under them and uncovered duvet over them.

Can DH's family have a whip round for, say, £20 quid so you can buy some cheap sheets from Primark, Asda, etc?

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 19:08:22

YY, can you just improvise tonight with towels etc?

Doesn't matter for one night if they don't have sheets on their beds.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sun 11-May-14 19:09:04

it's not what you wanted to hear but if you put the washing in for a second spin, it will dry more quickly.

CarbeDiem Sun 11-May-14 19:09:21

YANBU! I'd be fucking livid in your shoes.

The only way I'd be appeased was if the person borrowing the money was seriously skint through no fault of their own/starving/with other mouths to feed - you get my gist.
I'd still be pissed off that he didn't discuss it first though.

OiYou Sun 11-May-14 19:11:50

<for next time>

We bought one nice duvet set each for both kids. But I bought a couple spares from local charity shop for like 3 pound each.

And you are not being unreasonable at all. Your family comes first every time. And you should be consulted before he spends family money

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 19:15:31

It's nearly dry now just a few damp patches left. Just the rest of the washing to go...

bigkidsdidit Sun 11-May-14 19:15:46

Do you have sleeping bags hey can use for tonight?

I would be raging.

Vivacia Sun 11-May-14 19:21:58

You're right to be annoyed and disappointed about his decision to lend money without you knowing.

But I don't understand why you put a load of laundry on, knowing you'd have a problem drying it.

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 19:22:09

In regards to the spare bedding I do plan to buy spare bedding, we moved not long ago from a flat where the children had a toddler bed and a cot as we couldn't fit in full sized single beds. Now they have single beds and they got a new set of bedding each on top of the house getting decorated and them getting new beds etc. They picked the new bedding they want just the other day but I need to wait till pay day to get it.

It's just unfortunate timing for the dryer to pack in.

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 19:23:38

Have you got a washing line outside?

NearTheWindymill Sun 11-May-14 19:25:34

Can you use their old cot sheets and stuff.

Believe me OP - hard as it seems - you and DH will laugh about this in 20 years' time.

Not sure if that apostrophe is in the right place if anyone wants to come and slam me grin

steff13 Sun 11-May-14 19:27:53

Could you use a blow dryer on the damp spots?

Bunbaker Sun 11-May-14 19:28:45

"Have you got a washing line outside?"

We have had a lot of rain today and I wouldn't have been able to dry bedding. I think a lot of the UK have had rain.

NearTheWindymill Sun 11-May-14 19:28:47

And actually, do you know something OP - your DC are really really lucky to have a mum who worries about their sheets: whether they're clean, whether they're dry, whether they have enough of them. So, just hold that though. It isn't the end of the world if they don't have them tonight but it would chuffing sad if they didn't have a mum who cared. thanks. You sound like the sort of mum many many children need and it's also rather nice that your DH cares enough about his family to lend them money.

Frankly I think you have very lucky children - sod it, grit in eye.

Vivacia Sun 11-May-14 19:30:40

That's a lovely sentiment to post Windymill.

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 19:33:02

Vivacia I don't understand why I shouldn't put the washing on confused Surely I still have to do washing even if it is hard to dry

usuallysuspect Sun 11-May-14 19:33:48

I didn't mean for today, I meant until she gets a new dryer.

It's quite blowy and sunny between showers here.

NearTheWindymill Sun 11-May-14 19:37:31

If you are anywhere near London SW19 you can come round and use mine OP.

ICanSeeTheSun Sun 11-May-14 19:42:46

Yanbu. Could you get a new one on 0% finance and pay it off ASAP

Vivacia Sun 11-May-14 19:46:21

Well, if it was me I would have avoided washing things that didn't need washing (such as bedding) or I would have used a laundrette or asked to use a friend or neighbour's drier. In your shoes it sounds as though you have family nearby, perhaps your husband could have taken some of the wet laundry 'round to the relative he lent money to.

(We only have a washer-dryer and only use the dryer in dire need).

listsandbudgets Sun 11-May-14 20:23:49

OP YANBU. It sounds like you rely on your drier so your DH has been really inconsiderate this time. He has to put you and children first.

That said we don't have a drier and I've never had one except briefly when I lived in a rented house where it was supplied. Drying outside on a decent day is quick otherwise I've got a clothes horse which I just hang the clothes on to dry. Big things go over the bannister. Its not as quick as outside but I've never had any problems especially if I open the windows.

Also I agree with whoever said to look in charity shops for spare bedding. Its lovely to get the children what they pick out but equally important to have the odd spare set. We needed some a couple of ngihts ago when DS exploded his nappy at 2am.

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 20:29:47

Windymill thanks I think that is one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me, it really means a lot. That is really lovely of you to offer but I'm all the way up in the north east.

Motherinlawsdung Sun 11-May-14 20:36:47

Windymill, not only were your posts lovely and supportive, but you did indeed put the apostrophe in the right place at 19.25. wink thanks

NearTheWindymill Sun 11-May-14 20:41:02

grin. I'm usually the hard arsed cow on here - but not to those who are doing their very best!

Janethegirl Sun 11-May-14 21:32:50

Can you finish drying them with a hair dryer or fan heater, I know fan heaters are costly to run but as a once off it may be ok?

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 21:49:11

Well I managed to get it all dry in time for bedtime. I now have to lovely clean children in their nice clean pyjamas fast asleep in their lovely fresh beds smile

Janethegirl Sun 11-May-14 21:58:05

I've ironed things to dry them in the past if I couldn't dry them outside because of the weather.

QuintessentiallyQS Sun 11-May-14 22:09:21

Elle, I second Windymills sentiment. What a lovely mum you are.

ElleDiamond Sun 11-May-14 22:18:26

QuintessentiallyQS Thank you so much thanks

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