To be a bit shocked at employers son always walking around house in boxers...

(150 Posts)
KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:15:48

I do a bit of part time work for a lady at her house. Twice now I have been working and her 20 year old son has risen from bed and swanned by me in his boxers to go down stairs for his brekky.

AIBU to find this a bit bizarre. I am often about the house and we I haven't worked there years or anything- hence i don't know them well.

I get very uncomfortable at a bloke in his tight tiny boxers and a tshirt strutting about. Am I a prude? I mentioned it to dh and he was raging! Said he would never do this.

maddy68 Fri 09-May-14 18:17:42

My son is the same. Always wandering round in his boxers no matter who's there. It's is home. Why do you think it's strange? It's only the same as wearing shorts

AnyFucker Fri 09-May-14 18:18:07

Your H was raging, you say ?

Why ?

This is the 20yo's house. You have no say in how he dresses (or not) as long as he isn't physically touching you

If you don't like it, let somebody else have the job. Haven't you seen a pair of male legs before ?

ikeaismylocal Fri 09-May-14 18:22:28

Yabu ( and prudish) how do you cope with swimming pool or the beach if a man in boxers and a t-shit makes you react like this?

Dp always strips down to his boxers when he is at home, that's how he feels comfortable.

magpiegin Fri 09-May-14 18:22:29

Why was your husband raging? My husband will walk around the house in his boxers if someone's around, and his friend was walking around ours when he was going to the toilet etc when he stayed recently. I don't see a problem.

Sorry but you're over reacting completely and so is your dh.

TucsonGirl Fri 09-May-14 18:24:33

Are they boxers with a "flap"? If not, whats the difference between them and a pair of normal shorts, or indeed, swimming trunks at the beach? Is he a good looking lad?

kicksandgiggles Fri 09-May-14 18:24:48

You're lucky he had a t-shirt on! At that age, my younger brother (still living with my parents at the time) was almost always just in boxers at home no matter who was there - he even came to the dinner table that way!

I don't think YABU for feeling uncomfortable, but if it really bothers you, give up the job.

Unless he starts 'accidentally' flashing you his teeny knob it's not an issue that he's wearing shorts

Why would your husband be raging about this - that's weird

ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 09-May-14 18:28:33

It is his house and most lads of that age wear the bare minimum out of sheer laziness

YABU and your DH is being an arse.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:36:49

But they're pants more than boxers - teeny tiny things

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:37:51

Ha! laurie

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 18:40:16


His house, and he's barely out of his teens, it's just what they do.

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 09-May-14 18:40:33

You ma5 be unused to it, but I presume he is used to 'help' in the house and has grown up with it.

Boxers give good coverage -not much worse than shorts and no top.

You'll get used to it - you can't expect him to change!

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 09-May-14 18:40:54

I'd be more concerned about your weird repressed husband. What's he overcompensating for?

DrainPhobic Fri 09-May-14 18:42:00

I wouldn't like it and it would make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm old fashioned and/or prudish. It's his house though.

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 09-May-14 18:42:00

Sorry, just seen the 'pants more than boxers'.

Even so - 'his house, his rules' I'm afraid, so long as he's not crossing any lines.

SteadyEddie Fri 09-May-14 18:43:41

Just count yourself lucky its not a nudist house.

Then your DH might explode.

Forgettable Fri 09-May-14 18:43:41

It's no biggie <fnaaaar>

What I want to know is why is your husband cross, is it because you might come over all COOOOOOGAR* and want to ravish the bloke? Ergo you cannot be trusted?

*yes yes I know it's cougar, 'k, but fer comedy perps the spelling above is just peachy

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:44:18

one sleep > please explain that comment? Dh Overcompensating ... Uh What, what?

parakeet Fri 09-May-14 18:45:56

It's no more than you'd see on the beach or at the swimming pool - think speedos.

I think you're enjoying making your husband rage to be honest.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:46:51

Forgettable > I am too young to be a cooooogar! As I can be trusted smile

magpiegin Fri 09-May-14 18:48:15

I still don't understand why your husband is raging? Why does he even care?

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:48:49

Parakeet> thats am integrate onv observation you make of our relationship, given you have only got minute details of our relationship from this post! There is plenty i do not tell me hubby as I know it would make him jelous. This is not one of them, the guy is young and I was laughing at mysel being horrified by it when telling dh. I expected dh to laugh too. He didnt.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:50:22

Dh trusts me. He just doesn't trust other men. We are both jealous at times. Admittedly I was stupid telling him this

CatsCantTwerk Fri 09-May-14 18:50:32

Don't like it? Don't work there!

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:52:02

Catscanttwerk> love the name. I don't dislike it enough to lose the money. I suspected I was being U. It appears I am. I will check myself in future and not be so prudish.

LoveSardines Fri 09-May-14 18:52:10

I dunno. If DH wandered around in his pants while the cleaner was here I would think he was being weird and that it was inappropriate.

Same as I tended to get dressed when the builders were here, even though normally I wander around in much less.

I think if there's someone outside the family in the house, especially someone who is there for work rather than a neighbour or something, the expectation is that people will be dressed, surely?

Fatmanbuttsam Fri 09-May-14 18:52:42

Lol my teenage son wanders around the house in boxers regardless of who is sure his younger brother will start soon.....I request clothes on for meal times and that it

nonmifairidere Fri 09-May-14 18:52:42

If you were a bloke and the teenager a girl wearing a bra and panties, I wonder if the responses would be the same.

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 09-May-14 18:53:00

It's a shame your dh is being like this.

He'll have to get over it if he wants that extra wage coming in.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:53:51

loves yes I do feel the same. The family are obviously just very liberal and laid back and I am generally! I think I need to relax a little ...

To buck against the tide a little, I think if you feel uncomfortable you're quite within your rights to mention it to your employer. My DSs live in their boxers (as does DH actually - lazy arse) but not when there's other people about. Doesn't matter that that it's their home, they still have to show a bit of consideration to non-family who might not want to see their hairy legs and saggy pants. It's just polite isn't it?

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:55:13

He is 20 years plus ... I am guessin 20. He isn't a teenager.

Nomama Fri 09-May-14 18:55:15

Yes, my response would be the same, nonmifairidere. In her own home, just out of bed. Knickers and tshirt isn't so shocking - that being a better comparison and more likely than knickers and bra - though that wouldn't be the end of the world either!

It's a boy thing. They struggle to grow out of it.

iK8 Fri 09-May-14 18:56:35

I'd be more concerned about your weird repressed husband. What's he overcompensating for?

Lolololo grin

Jengnr Fri 09-May-14 18:57:11

Your problem is your husband, 'he trusts me he just doesn't trust other men' ???? What does he think the other men will do?

He doesn't trust you.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 18:58:18

Ik8> what does she mean by that!? I am lost

nomorequotes Fri 09-May-14 19:00:10

"Coo coo catcho Mrs Robinson, jesus loves you more than you will know... wowowo"

AnyFucker Fri 09-May-14 19:00:15

Op, you do realise that "he trusts me, he just doesn't trust other men" is twatspeak for controlling inadequates,, don't you ?

He either trusts you in every situation or he doesn't

TheFairyCaravan Fri 09-May-14 19:02:46

I've got two DSes (19&17) as soon as they come in the house, they lose their trousers and wander round in their 'Calvins'. My brother was the same at their age, if anyone used to come to the door he'd take his glasses off, but wasn't bothered about being seen in his pants!

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:02:51

Anyfucker> ouch! Just, ouch! Jesus go easy on me will you. This post is about my inedequacies - not my hubbies.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:03:52

I'm in my 20s! I am not mrs Robinson haha

QuizzicalCat Fri 09-May-14 19:12:24

Op if your DH honestly trusts you then he doesn't have to worry about trusting other men... Because they couldn't do anything because YOU wouldn't.

The only person he has to trust is you, because if you said no to every other man on the planet there would be no reason not to trust othr men.

That turn of phrase is grossly offensive to you - he's saying if another man came onto you you wouldn't be able to say no, but it would be their fault not yours because you are just a woman, and men can corrupt you.

If my dh said that to me I wouldn't be blithely repeating it as a reason - I'd be reading him the riot act long and loud.

AnyFucker Fri 09-May-14 19:12:49

You disagree with my assessment then ?

Itsfab Fri 09-May-14 19:13:12

20's? shock.

Maryz Fri 09-May-14 19:14:12

I also have two boxer-wearing sons.

At the moment (7 in the evening, ffs) one is wearing boxers only (just out of shower), the other is wearing boxers and socks hmm

And they want to turn the heating on [baffled]

Artandco Fri 09-May-14 19:18:32

Your in your 20s and have never seen this? And seen shocked by it?

I wouldn't advise coming to my house on a weekend. Dh in boxers only, myself pants and Tshirt and x2 wild toddlers probably running around starkers!

wigglesrock Fri 09-May-14 19:20:07

As wiser posters than me have said : if your husband says he trusts you but not other blokes - he doesn't trust you. It's twat speak for I don't trust you.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:21:42

Itsfab> why are you suprised?

Anyfucker> yes and no. I see what you are getting at. Dh doesnt think I would cheat, but knows men flirt and pass comment and ogle and ibviously this makes him uncomfortable.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:23:12

Ok let me clarify: dhs insecurities are that men will flirt and ogle me and he knows I wouldn't do anything, but he still feel threatened by my working with a youn bloke swanning about half naked.

LoveSardines Fri 09-May-14 19:26:20

I am a bit surprised at this thread.

OP is working in someone's home, sure, but I would expect that as an "outsider" who is there doing a job people would get dressed when she is around.

In our house we all wander around in various states of undress, but DH would never go around in just his pants while the cleaner was here, and I would always get covered up when the builders were here.

I am surprised by the response TBH. I would not have expected that so many people would think it was totally normal for people to wander around in their underwear when there is someone there to work.

Funny how MN throws up some things which make you realise you are totally out of step really.

AnyFucker Fri 09-May-14 19:26:25

How are you working "with" this young bloke and how does that pique your H's macho, chest beating pride ?

My wife must not see a bum in boxers kinda thing ?

ImAThrillseekerBunny Fri 09-May-14 19:27:02

"I trust you - I just don't trust other men/women" makes no sense whatsoever unless you actually fear that your partner is going to be sexually harassed or assaulted - and that wouldn't be jealousy, just (over?)protectiveness.

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 09-May-14 19:28:44

Half this thread need to turn their heating down!

And op I think it would be reasonable to mention it to your employer if it really bothers you.

Itsfab Fri 09-May-14 19:28:51

I thought you must be a lot older to be bothered by a man in his boxer shorts.

Makes no sense your husband feeling like that unless he thinks he owns you.

What are men ogling at? Are you walking around in your pants too? hmm.

eatmydust Fri 09-May-14 19:28:53

My son is the same. Currently just come in, showered, wandering about in boxers and looking for beer. It is what they do. At least when they get older the boxers are always clean and they shower without being asked

I am waiting for him to ask for the heating to be turned on.

They don't think..'oh, it's the woman who works here, I can't walk round in boxers'. They just think 'oh,I've woken up, I must go and get a coffee'

Don't think the issue you have is a 20 year old in his boxers, doing what 20 year olds do in their own home - it is your relationship with your husband and his jealousy issue.

LoveSardines Fri 09-May-14 19:28:57

Adults I should say.

Young children is different. If I was working somewhere and a kid was running around in pants no worries, but an adult, I would think that was a bit off really.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:32:21

Thank you love sardines

I am not about to inform my employer it leave te job. It not causing me monumental distress. I am just curious if I am being prudish ... My guy tells me yes... He seems harmless. Its just ... A bit ott for me. I am a pretty liberal person too !!

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:32:59

Gut.* silly phone sorry

wigglesrock Fri 09-May-14 19:37:53

I used to clean in student halls - most of them would wake & head straight to the kitchen to get something to eat & drink, usually in whatever they'd slept. It was very commonplace.

Mitzi50 Fri 09-May-14 19:38:53

My son wanders round half dressed but if there was anyone other than immediate family he would have the courtesy to put more clothes on.

I once had an appointment at someone's home (home visit for a child in my class) and was surprised to be introduced to Dad resplendent in baggy boxer shorts with his belly hanging over the top. Both he and his DP seemed to feel this was normal attire for meeting their child's teacher.

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 09-May-14 19:39:26

Ill explain. Slowly. Why on earth would a so called grown man be 'enraged' about a very young man walking around his own home in as much as he would wear at the beach.
No normal man would be bothered by this.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Fri 09-May-14 19:44:48

OP, when you say you are doing a little bit off part time work at this house, are you referring to cleaning?

If so, I would hazard a guess that he hardly recognises your existence, hence it not even registering on his radar that it might be inappropriate.

But the fact that he is wearing a t shirt, doesn't that just make it like an ordinary summer's day, when people wear t shirts and shorts?

Your DH is raging? Odd. Just odd.

indigo18 Fri 09-May-14 19:46:27

Oh give her a break! I think he should put his jeans on if there is a non family member in the house working. I bet all these who think it is fine would really NOT like a teenage girl in pants and t shirt making breakfast while their DH was working in the kitchen!

LoveSardines Fri 09-May-14 19:49:00

He hasn't been brought up very well if he doesn't recognise the cleaner as an actual person shock

OP hasn't said what the job is anyway, it's not necessarily cleaning, could be anything.

DH would not walk around in pants while the cleaner was here, I never walked around in pants while the builders were here.

Am still experiencing a bit of surprise that our approach is not the norm in the UK!

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 19:53:58

indigo do you have teens?

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:56:32

I was in uni halls with lotsa males, I don't recall many of them walking about in their pants.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:57:20

He is not a teenager?

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 19:57:21

Not quite the same OP, they aren't in their family home.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 19:59:02

Bowler> sorry what? I saw it as my home. We all did ...

sothathatswhenI Fri 09-May-14 19:59:43

Hmm. When I was a student (19) I did a bit of cleaning as a part time job and in one family the teenage son would swan about in boxers the whole time I was there. I thought it was creepy TBH. I was paid to clean the house and just did my best to ignore it but a half naked man walking past you repeatedly can be intimidating. I agree its his house but its also your place of work for the time you're there!
Maybe just an occupational hazard - you have to decide for yourself whether you want to see that or not!

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:00:31

Halls in uni aren't the same as being in your family home. What have I missed?

wigglesrock Fri 09-May-14 20:03:53

Boxer shorts & t-shirts was usually the attire at about 8am in the halls where I worked. They'd come into the kitchen, get some Lucozade smile , then go get dressed. I also worked in halls with shared bathrooms - the students didn't get dressed then head to the loo or shower.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:06:08

I do not recall half naked men every morning...

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:06:14

OP I think it's you.

I think you're stoking up your DH about it all.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:07:16

Bowler why?

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:07:31

Please enlighten me smile

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:13:22

Because you aren't comfortable with it. You told your DH and now he's angry. In my experience, a 20 year old male would be oblivious to it. He's not showing off his huge penis. or his small one. Or his erection. That's all. He is just getting up in the morning, in his family home.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:24:00

I wouldn't do that to my dh.

indigo18 Fri 09-May-14 20:28:11

Bowlersarm- my DT were twins not so long ago. My DS would, and still does, come into the kitchen I boxers (NOT tight pants) and t shirt. He would not do this if there was a guest or someone working in the house, he would think it disrespectful. My DD would come into the kitchen in pyjama shorts and top, NOT in her pants.

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:28:59

I think it's quite normal and not seedy. However, you are clearly uncomfortable therefore you need to mention it to your employer? She will hopefully mention it to her son, and therefore he should make sure he covers up. If you talk to her, she would be wrong not to do anything about it.

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:30:16

indigo are pyjama shorts not like pants?

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:32:52

Anyway, it's horses for courses. Ds1 would. Ds2 is like a Victorian maiden and is buttoned from wrists to ankles. But I don't think the employers son is doing anything wrong, it's how he is, and if the OP doesn't like it she needs to rethink her job.

indigo18 Fri 09-May-14 20:40:59

No, Bowlersarm. They are shorts. Not tight fitting pants. Not knickers. Not thongs. Pyjama shorts.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:44:41

I don't dislike I enough to want a new job, I have stated this before. I merely did it odd. I am obviously rather prudish- which is a suprise to me given my wayward, mental teen years

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:45:19

* find it odd
fucking auto- correct

Bowlersarm Fri 09-May-14 20:48:44

I'm quite prudish too, OP, believe it or not. I just have a teen son that would do that, with no agenda!

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 09-May-14 20:53:15

Is he fit? Is he single? wink

BackforGood Fri 09-May-14 20:54:45

A 20 yr old lad would probably have just got out of bed and headed for the fridge - it just wouldn't cross his radar that there was the tiniest possibility that him having boxers and a t-shirt on to do that in his own home would be in any way inappropriate. I would suggest you are being a little bit over sensitive.

DameEdnasBridesmaid Fri 09-May-14 20:56:13

DS is 20, he wanders around looking for food in his boxers and does so regardless of who is here. The thought of putting more clothes on because someone is here would just never enter his head. Even if I suggested it - he wouldn't compute.

He may grow out of it not holding out much hope

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:56:16

I dunno if he is single and he is a good looking lad - but before anyone jumps on this comment, he is too young and not my type!!!

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:57:44

And if he was my type I wouldn't look anyway as happily married! Before anyone reads Into my previous comment too much , again!

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 20:58:56

Bowler> iswym -I imagine I would be less uncomfortable if it was the norm in my house

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 21:00:22

Just wanna add- i dont think he has an agenda, he is obviously just not thinking anything at all abou my presence - which is fine, but still I feel awkward

lottiegarbanzo Fri 09-May-14 21:23:06

I don't get why the half-naked person would be ogling the fully clothed one, rather than the other way around. Your DH's 'concern' makes no sense.

You are probably near invisible to the young man. Your DH must be concerned about you seeing half-naked men who are more attractive than him and about your response to that. He's telling you that, to him, half-naked bodies equal sexual thoughts. For him, not you. That's what he thinks about when he sees scantily clad women. He hasn't applied the imagination required to understand it isn't the same for you.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 09-May-14 21:26:55

Though, it would be possible to have thought he just saw it as disrespectful to you in your workplace - if you hadn't banged on about jealousy, lack of trust and immediately linked those issues to this situation.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Fri 09-May-14 21:29:49

Lottie > i dont know how to answer that without sounding insanely arrogant / big headed etc and then having a subsequent backlash from a swarm of MNs no doubt. So I'll keep schtum.

Artandco Fri 09-May-14 21:38:23

If your in 20s and he's in 20s... How is he ' way too young'?

PrincessBabyCat Fri 09-May-14 21:38:48

If he's young and good looking, I see nothing wrong. grin

Cheekybleeder Fri 09-May-14 21:43:14

He wants you

HoneyDragon Fri 09-May-14 21:46:57

I lived with three males at one point, dh (then dp) and two male lodgers.

Wandering round in boxers and t-Shirt appeared to be the norm of an evening.

Although I did appreciate the finger over each nipple dash downstairs if they were grabbing a t shirt to thrown from the dryer, it's nice that they saved my delicate sensibilities from a uncovered man nipple grin

It's a fact that you are not topless if your nipples are covered.

bbcessex Fri 09-May-14 21:47:38

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all... I wouldn't feel comfortable working in a house where someone was walking around in their underwear. It wouldn't worry me so much if he was just getting up, getting something and then going back upstairs.. if he was hanging around in communal areas, he should bloody well get dressed!

I can see that the kid doesn't think twice about it though.. probably doesn't even cross their mind.

I would be more pissed off if it were a 'proper' grin adult, like the dad though.. then I would think it was totally weird / disrespectful.

I do also think though that your DH is mad to get the rage about it.. that's a bit OTT.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 08:03:37

I am mid twenties and he is early twenties and looks young to me. I prefer rugged older men.

My dh feels he is walkin about in his tiny boxers to be provocative and because of this feels threatened he may fancy me.

I just think the guy is immature and not giving me any thought!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sat 10-May-14 08:15:21

My friends DH used to come down in just boxers in the morning whenever we stayed at their house. I found it pretty grim tbh. They weren't nice boxers, and the gap in them was always threatening to gape shock

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 08:19:15

If it was a woman doing the same i would a a bit confused too, though not so awkward !

JingletsJangletsYellowBanglets Sat 10-May-14 08:32:26

OP: my employers' family member dresses inappropriately and it's a bit "cringeworthy"
Mumsnet: your DH is a controlling twat - does he have any redeeming qualities?

I wouldn't have walked around in my underwear in my 20s if there were strangers working in the family home. Why the fuck people think it's ok just because it's a man doing it - beyond me.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 08:36:08

Dh is not controlling ffs! I wear the trousers if anything. We are both jealous at times. He is a bit insecure , but he doesn't try to control me, he couldn't!

lottiegarbanzo Sat 10-May-14 08:59:21

Thing is, this being a bit inappropriate for your working situation and your DP being jealous are two totally different issues. You've conflated them, or accepted his conflation, without question. That is genuinely odd.

Your earlier answer to my question is hilarious! So you are soooo hot that men need their dicks encased in clothing to have any hope of controlling their primal urges in your presence? Yeah, right. You and your DP need to get over yourselves, frankly. No-one else is actually that into you....

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 09:19:06

Lottie> omg what!? Where is the venom from? You are clearly into me. Fair bit love to hav so much venom over my bloody post. Calm down!

Men look at women, not just me. I am oregnant so I doubt he is slathering over me ?

lottiegarbanzo Sat 10-May-14 09:23:30

I'm just responding to what you said, which was really quite strange and trying to understand the issue you present. Go back and read your words yourself.

I'm not being the slightest bit venomous, just reflecting back to you how oddly your DP's response (as interpreted and described by you) comes across to other people.

<shrug> take it or leave it. I'm really not bothered.

qazxc Sat 10-May-14 09:30:04

I've worked for the same family for years. (started when the son was 5, he is now 23)
The son and all his mates walk around the house in boxers and have done since teenage. It seems to be the normal state of things and there is absolutely nothing sexual in it.

Solaia Sat 10-May-14 09:38:10

OP, against the tide here but I think YANBU. I'm amazed at some of the responses on here.

I would wear clothes if I had someone in the house, DH would wear clothes with someone in the house and I would ensure that my teenage DS (if I had one) was wearing something more than underwear. Yes, it's my house but fgs have some decorum!

I have worked as help in a few homes, and I now have help in my home, and I would NEVER expect an adult in their pants to feature in either of those ventures!

My jury is out about your husband but tbh I think his position is understandable. Maybe not 'raging' exactly but I can understand him being a bit shock

Vintagecakeisstillnice Sat 10-May-14 09:50:12

Leaving the husband stuff aside.

I think it's rude. Whether this man likes it or not for a period of time his home is the OPs place of work. It doesn't matter what the nature of the work is the OP has the right to feel comfortable.

He's not a teenager, and even if he was its basic respect to consider the feelings of others. It would take all of 2 seconds to throw on a robe or trackie bottoms.

Yes it is his home bit the fact that someone is working there means he HAS to think twice, and I'm sure no matter what the OPs job is he benefits from it in s

SuburbanRhonda Sat 10-May-14 09:53:14

I think you should tell your employer that this makes you feel uneasy, because I think between you and your DH, you are in danger of making something out of this for no reason, thus putting the employer's son at risk of false accusations. The son would probably be incredulous that you have even noticed what he was wearing, never mind discussed it with your DH.

Vintagecakeisstillnice Sat 10-May-14 09:55:58

Damn it

Anyway I'm sure this man benefits from the OPs work.

Oh and just to put my cards on the table, we are a very relaxed house, nudity is normal. And yes we do have various people in and out of the house.

PersonOfInterest Sat 10-May-14 09:59:37

Yes its his home.

But, While its your place of work I don't think YABU to expect him (and anyone else) to be fully clothed.

angelos02 Sat 10-May-14 10:03:06

YANBU. It is disrespectful to swan around the house in underwear when there is a guest in the house. His parents haven't brought him up to understand social norms.

SuburbanRhonda Sat 10-May-14 10:04:51

Interesting, isn't it, that there was thread a while back in which a poster asked whether her daughter, a home care assistant, was being unreasonable in expecting people not to smoke in their homes while she was working there, because of the health risks of passive smoking and how it makes her clothes smell.

Pretty much everyone said the daughter should suck it up as it was the client's home and they were entitled to do what they wanted in it.

Yet on here we have people saying the son should put on a "robe" grin because the OP has a jealous husband who thinks every male on the planet is after his wife hmm

Writerwannabe83 Sat 10-May-14 10:06:30

Is this guy attractive??
If so I'd just enjoy the view grin

Caitlin17 Sat 10-May-14 10:23:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable. If we can put aside the how hot are you/ how jealous is your husband issue I think it's extremely ill mannered of him to walk around in his underwear.

I'm a bit astonished at the idea this is normal behaviour. My son is 23 and no longer lives at home but he didn't behave like this.

ConferencePear Sat 10-May-14 10:30:15

I wouldn't like this.
As for your DH - well maybe he understands, better than the women here do, why this young man appears in his pants.

SuburbanRhonda Sat 10-May-14 10:37:53

conferencepear, read through the OP's posts about why her DH is raging and see if you still think he is more perceptive than most.

caitlin the jealousy is a key issue. The OP knows her DH gets jealous of other men, yet still felt it necessary to tell him about this, rather than doing the sensible thing of discussing it with her employer.

Caitlin17 Sat 10-May-14 10:43:05

Suburban the jealousy issue is bonkers. If one of my cleaners had complained about my teenage son swanning around in his underwear (which he didn't) I'd have told him not to do it , but if she'd told me because it was her husband who didn't like it I'd have been very surprised.

Caitlin17 Sat 10-May-14 10:49:22

And no I definitely don't think her husband is more perceptive than most; far from it.

But if we can take that out of the equation there's often threads on here about nudity. I really don't on the whole want to see other people's genitals whether attached to small children, teenage boys or grown-ups. Boxers are one layer of thin cotton and are not just the same as shorts or swimming shorts.

ScrambledSmegs Sat 10-May-14 11:21:17

Oh, you're pregnant?

My DH morphed from a completely normal person into Mr Overprotective when I was pregnant. It was sweet but ultimately exhausting. We eventually had words, he learnt to relax a little and we both started communicating better.

Is it your first baby together?

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 11:25:25

For god sake my hubby being ragin was a side note! An afterthought! It is not about him, or me being hot (questionable indeed) or any of that. Its about me feeling shy! I only explained hubby pov further as I was asked. Why must so many of you start nit-picking something which is not the main point, is it so you can have a bitch fest? Slate my hubby and I? Why must women feel so inclined to get nasty. I get IABU - fine , thanks! But why oh why must the sarcy comments ensue? What is te need? Please ...

DogCalledRudis Sat 10-May-14 11:28:35

Its his house. In our house clothing is optional.

indigo18 Sat 10-May-14 11:33:35

YANBU. He should pot something else on. It's good manners. If nudity was the norm in someone's house, would it be OK for their teenage daughter to be nude in front of someone working in the house, because 'it's their home, their rules'? I think not.

indigo18 Sat 10-May-14 11:35:57

Oh, and ignore the comments about your OP; on this site, some posters are unable to view men as anything other that controlling bastards.

indigo18 Sat 10-May-14 11:36:47

sorry, about your OH !

AmberLeaf Sat 10-May-14 11:43:33

If you hadn't mentioned how your husband feels about this, I think the responses would be very different.

I have 3 sons and it is the norm for them to get partially undressed once they are in for the day. Bare legs is standard.

However, if someone were to come round, they would nip upstairs and put some trousers on, also if they got up to find someone here, they wouldn't come down half dressed.

If there was someone working in the house for any reason, they would absolutely be properly dressed in their presence. So, YANBU

I also don't believe for a minute that all the fellow bare leggers here wouldn't put something on if someone came to do a job in their home.

turgiday Sat 10-May-14 11:55:42

I agree with you OP. And I would feel the same about a woman walking around in bras and pants if I was working at her home. I always dress if someone else is going to be in the house apart from immediate family, before going downstairs.

turgiday Sat 10-May-14 11:56:43

And I assume all the female MNers on this thread saying YABU, would be happy to walk around in just their bra and pants if a workman is coming into their house?

TheSpottedZebra Sat 10-May-14 11:56:47

OP, is your DH a bit older than you?

KoalaDownUnder Sat 10-May-14 11:57:07


I don't think it's normal to wander around the house in underwear when there's anyone but immediate family around. It makes people uncomfortable, which is inconsiderate at the very least.

Caitlin17 Sat 10-May-14 11:58:15

Dogcalledrudi how ridiculous. It's the
OP's work-place. There are very few workplaces where clothing is optional.

paxtecum Sat 10-May-14 12:01:09


I too find it strange that people walk about in their underwear when there are visitors or employees around.

But we do live in a world wear people go shopping into town in their fleecy teddy bear pjs.

I also know a very 'nice' posh lady who has a large glamour photo of herself in her office. It is very bizarre that she thinks we all want to view a photo of her legs wide apart fanjo.

LemonSquares Sat 10-May-14 12:02:51

I’d get dressed if people were coming in to do work for us – but do know other who don’t ie are in their pj when people arrive to do things – like clean or work on house.

I also get dressed as DH does when we are stopping in other people's homes - so I'm therefore taken back when other people stopping at ours seem happy to wonder round in the pj or underwear . However we have had a few house guests like that.

So it's possible this guy is oblivious.

Have you not tried saying something in a jockey fashion - oi you’ve forgotten your clothes - or my eye my eyes oh - god clothing please. Something jockey to get him to realise he should be wearing more - without making it into a huge issue? Though I suppose a quiet word with your employer might work as well.

I'm not sure what response you expect from your DH - a guy making you feel uncomfortable by parading round your work place near naked - I think my DH would be upset because I was uncomfortable then probably laugh and not think further.

However you say you know your guy get jealous – I would have thought it would make it harder all round for you to stay working here especially if you don’t get the issue sorted.

ilovesooty Sat 10-May-14 12:17:36

What does strutting entail?

The adult response would have been to mention it to your employer or to this person directly if you felt uncomfortable not to your husband. Raging seems likea weird ooverreaction to me.

In my house my family can walk about in whatever state of dress they like but if I have guests or people working in my home then I insist on pjs at least. I would hate for anyone to feel awkward or uncomfortable in my home. I feel a bit sorry for the op. As for being told to enjoy the view? I wonder how that nugget of advice would go if the roles were reversed?

Caitlin17 Sat 10-May-14 12:26:16

ilovesooty agreed. I doubt he was strutting. It's a shame the OP has over-egged the pudding as the basic point wasn't unreasonable.

cricketpitch Sat 10-May-14 12:43:57

YANBU - I work in other people's homes and would feel very uncomfortable in that situation.

If someone is in your home in professional capacity then you should not put them in a situation which is uncomfortable.

As for the OP's DH - why is it surprising that he is angry if she is upset?

My DH works in other people's homes - I would not be happy if the teenage daughter of one of his clients was in her bra and pants in the kitchen - in fact the code of conduct from his professional body specifically warns against entering premises in these circumstances.

The work thing is the key here - NOT how people behave at home.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 12:57:25

' Strutting ' is what I feel he does. Not provocatively - but he doesn't seem shy about being half naked and walks about rather confidently ... Maybe I should not have said strutting :/

My dh is my age. This isnt about my hubby it is about me. I regret mentioning him now smile

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 12:58:48

I'm genuinely not upset or scared by him, just embarrased as I am working away on the stairs and turn round and he's gliding down the stairs with just his pants on! I was a bit taken aback is all. A bit shy.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 12:59:34

He is a lovely guy though smile

flowery Sat 10-May-14 13:58:47

YANBU. It's your workplace, and it's not reasonable for you to have to be subjected to people wandering round in their underwear.

Posters are getting sidetracked by your husband's reaction, and obviously live on a different planet from me if they think wandering round in underwear is normal acceptable behaviour when there are visitors or employees present.

aermingers Sat 10-May-14 14:00:24

In fairness to the OPs DH if a man was making me feel uncomfortable like this at work he wouldn't be very happy either.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn Sat 10-May-14 18:26:49

Personally I think people just love to jump on the bandwagon and get a bit carried away with their pov. I think in the RL most would be rather shy at a person they barely know walking about in right little pants...

I also think everyone is jumping on my dh making out he is a controlling basterd when most of their hubbies would be rather affronted if a man was lounging about around them in right pants as the tries to work and felt a bit awkward. But hey ho, whatever ...

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