to want to pull my daughter out of school because of a bullying parent?

(63 Posts)
cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 07:16:05

i'm at my wits end, so desperately need some advice please! a few months ago a mother in my dd's class sent me a very hostile and intimidating text message, (calling me psychotic and my children damaged) after i said hello to her in the playground. she's very angry with me but won't talk to me to tell me why, and since then started making accusations that my dd and i are intimidating her and her daughter. she's made these allegations to the school and to other parents. school have investigated all the allegations against dd and found nothing to back them up, my dd has now started mentioning changing schools as she feels really intimidated by this parent and her daughter. tried talking to her to try to resolve it but she refuses and has told me via a text to dh not to engage with her or her family. it feels like these allegations are never-ending. should i move dd? i can't work out whether i'd be moving for me or her and if we do, i want it to be for the right reasons. older ds is still there and youngest dd due to start in september...

Kytti Sun 04-May-14 07:19:12

I'd speak to the school, and maybe even the police, she sounds a bit unhinged.

frumpet Sun 04-May-14 07:34:01

Wow , calling someone psychotic and their children damaged simply because you said hello seems bizzare . Is there no other background at all ?

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 07:39:53

spoke to school, they don't want to get involved as they see it as a parents' issue. originally i didn't want to get police involved as it seems so petty. last week got conflicting advice from them as spoke to someone on the phone who saw it as harassment so sent someone yesterday to chat with me. he basically said it was silly and i should try to talk to her, also that she'd probably get bored and move on!

CSIJanner Sun 04-May-14 07:41:38

It might be a parental thin but it's now affecting your children. Are the school aware if what your DD is saying?

margarethamilton Sun 04-May-14 07:43:01

It does sound like harassment. How did she get your and your husband's mobile phone numbers?

OnaPromise Sun 04-May-14 07:47:53

If your dd says she feels intimidated and wants to change school it is no longer just a parent thing. Talk to school again? She has sent you a text asking you not to contact her so the police advice seems very wrong to me - if you try to approach her now you could be accused of harassment.

Aspiringhuman Sun 04-May-14 07:48:28

If your dd is mentioning moving school then I'd consider moving her. The woman's behaviour is obviously affecting her.

If the harassment continues after she's moved then I'd call 101 for advice.

Aspiringhuman Sun 04-May-14 07:51:59

Sorry cross posted that sounds like terrible advice to me. I definitely wouldn't speak to her. I'd perhaps ask those she's been a lagging you off too, if you know them well enough, if they know what it is you're supposed to be done.

Barefootgirl Sun 04-May-14 07:55:24

There is more to this, isn't there? You obviously have some background with the woman, since she has your mobile number.

There are two separate issues as well. There is the problem of this woman sending you objectionable texts, and there is the problem of her DD bullying your DD. The first problem is most easily solved by blocking her mobile number. You don't have to talk to her. It doesnt really matter WHY she holds these opinions about you. She can go around telling other parents nasty things about you as much as she likes, and it may appear that they are nodding and agreeing with her, but in reality, they are probably thinking "I just want to collect my child and get the hell away from this nutcase"

If her DD is bullying your DD at school, then this is most definitely a school issue. Does the school know that your DD is so unhappy there that she wants to leave? Does your DD have other friends at school, has she generally coped well with the whole school experience so far?

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 07:57:16

we were friends up until recently, when her daughter started having some difficulty at school. she wanted me to ban another child from a school event (i was chair of pta at the time) but i couldn't. the child didn't go, but i guess she was still angry with me for not banning him. after that she was really hostile towards me, but then i thought things had improved as she spoke to me suggesting we moved on. really don't know what happened after that, as she then started ignoring me and the kids but she'd speak to them if they were with my dh. kids were very confused as they never new whether she'd speak to them or not. now she's pretty hostile to all of us.

diddl Sun 04-May-14 08:04:38

If your daughter is being bullied by hers then that needs looking into.

Surely you all need to ignore the mother.

How is she intimidating ypur daughter?

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 08:07:44

It is more complicated than your just saying hello then.

I would go back to the school and talk to them about how your DD is feeling.
But just block the mums number and ignore her.
Is there a reason why you can't just ignore her and tell your DH to stop engaging with her.

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 08:10:01

she's claiming that my dd is bullying her dd, school have investigated but have never found anything or anyone to back this up. also found out dd was accused of starting rumours but teacher found out that some other kids had made it up to get my dd into trouble! school say they see no issue with the girls in class/playground. i've told them how my dd feels recently about schools, i think they thought she was coping better than she was. it's a tricky year as there's only 9 girls in the class. i think she wants us to go, and i would but i just want to do it for the right reasons and not to feel bullied out of school.

Barefootgirl Sun 04-May-14 08:10:15

Oh God, she's one of THOSE. In that case, most definitely block her number on your phone. Do NOT contact her in any way, shape or form. Problematic people like this know the system inside and out. She is trying to create a drama with you at the heart of it. If you try and contact her to 'talk it through' she will trot straight off to the police and accuse you of harrassment. Do NOT engage with her. Do not play her silly little games. Eventually she will get bored and go away. Tell your DH not to chat with her, just say hello politely and move on sharpish.

The issue with your DD is more important. Is her child actually saying or doing anything to yours at school? Is the mother saying anything to your DD at school?

Barefootgirl Sun 04-May-14 08:11:44

OK, cloud9, i hear what you are saying about this woman's behaviour, but what is her DD actually doing to your DD? Or is your DD feeling the weight of the aduklts' conflict, and hopes that by moving school you will shut up about this woman?

margarethamilton Sun 04-May-14 08:12:06

Treat the two issues separately then. Ignore your ex friend. Inform school about the bullying behaviour, keeping a log if necessary. Ensure your daughter is communicating with you about the behaviour of the other girl and her own feelings. If she sees you getting upset or feeling intimidated, she may want to move schools to 'protect' you. As you've said, a decision to move needs to be based on her needs, not yours.

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 08:14:30

I think you are letting this woman annoy you. Her irritati g behaviour is not connected to your DD
Stop responding to this woman, stop talking about her or focusing on her.
Go back to the school about your DD and report the allegations being made about her as bullying.

wheresthelight Sun 04-May-14 08:16:35

Move your daughter to a different School!! Do not let her suffer on the off chance that it might get better!!!!

I was bullied by a kid and her mum at school, on the school grounds and the school refused and my parents kept hoping it would stop. It resulted in me taking an overdose - do not ignore your daughters request!!!

Uptheanty Sun 04-May-14 08:17:21

I hate mothers like this op, i truly sympathise flowers

First of all, you need to realise that you can't control what she says and how she acts. Although you probably feel bewildered and confused please don't spend anymore time trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

Its not your fault.

Moving school should not be considered at this point. Your other children attend this school & you should not allow a bully to push your dd out of everything she knows.

You need to model good behaviour for your dd and pull yourself together.
Be strong & confident, smile widely at every opportunity.
Shrug when she blanks you if your dd sees it minimise it and don't let her see it hurts you.

There are people like this at every school, you have to accept that you cant reason with crazy and dig in until it passes.......the sooner you do this the sooner it will pass.

If this one's true to form...and she sounds like she is, soon she will be accusing you of ignoring her dc's to anyone who's silly enough to listen. You can't win.....ignore, ignore, ignore.

Dramatic Sun 04-May-14 08:18:00

I'm guessing her dd has been bullied by the boy she wanted you to ban? She is probably worried about her child and maybe saw your decision as unfair to her daughter. She is obviously massively overreacting to the situation and the best thing you can do is totally ignore her. How old is your dd? I would try speaking to the school again and emphasise how much this is affecting her.

Barefootgirl Sun 04-May-14 08:23:01

wheresthelight i am sorry for your situation, and it must have been dreadful for you. However, the OP has not provided any information that suggests that her daughter actually IS having trouble at school, beyond the parents' problems spreading to the children. Why should her DD be forced out of a school she apparently enjoys, especially as she appears to be going into her last year of primary and will be uprooted yet again after next year?

Much better to face the problem head-on and try to solve it, than just run away from it.

Raskova Sun 04-May-14 08:23:04

If the two issues are separate, then keep them so.

I may be wrong but I get the impression she's a dick getting her DD to be mean to yours either because her DD feels it will get her approval or because she's been told to.

I'd text her saying our argument is our argument and that's fine but let's not being the children in to it. Tell her you won't contact her anymore but a grown woman shouldn't be so vindictive and up her own arse that an innocent child wants to move school.

Also, that was a massive drip feed!! shock

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 08:29:49

her daughter keeps a log at school and keeps accusing my dd of bullying her in it. pushing, saying mean stuff, generally just being horribly. the thing is, both girls are being watched quite closely so if it was happening, i'd be told. her daughter's also started making stuff up about me which i'm finding really worrying too. i've got my dd to start writing stuff down, how she feels etc which is how i found out about her wanting to maybe change schools. i'm sure she feels our conflict, but that's why i continued saying hello to this woman (and it was only ever hello), as i didn't want our conflict to impact on either girl.

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 08:34:05

The school cannot possibly maintain it is an issue between parents if her DD is logging and reporting your DD constantly.
Go back to the school about your DD being bullied.
Stop interacting with this woman. It clearly doesn't help

Aspiringhuman Sun 04-May-14 08:35:22

I think that's a bad idea raskova tbh. If the OP contacts her she may call the police. Also telling someone like that the effect she's had on her dd will give her immense pleasure. People like that will enjoy the power it gives them and will be encouraged to carry on/ escalate.

Catmint Sun 04-May-14 08:37:51

I don't understand how the school can say they 'see no issue' but they also know that this girl made things up to get your DD into trouble, and they are being watched closely. In addition, if your DD is so upset she is thinking about leaving the school, this is an issue that the school needs to closely manage, whether they judge it significant or not. They have a duty of care to your DD.

If there are things the school doesn't know, tell them. They need to be the ones who sort this.

As for the mother - ignore. Do not engage.

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 08:39:26

i'm sure i've let the situation get out of control in my head, and i tend to overthink, and wonder why and want it to be better, it seems like if i try to be civil, the more it upsets her. she wants me to behave like her and i find that really difficult. i don't want to ignore anyone, it seems so childish. we don't have to be friends but we could at least be civil. but she doesn't even want that. she's now banned me from engaging with her daughter (i said thank you when she told me the time...) it's all crazy and really hard to treat as 2 issues sometimes.

Aspiringhuman Sun 04-May-14 08:51:09

Being civil will infuriate people like her. She will only be happy if she has visibly destroyed her 'enemy'. Then she'll move onto the next person to destroy. Don't lower yourself to her level by being vicious or nasty but ignore her. Just keep a low profile and make sure your behaviour can be considered above reproach by anyone sensible.

Barefootgirl Sun 04-May-14 08:53:37

Don't be civil. Don't be rude. Don't acknowledge her AT ALL. Wear sunglasses in the playground so you don't have to make eye contact with her, and put your headphones in, so it looks as if you are listening to something and can legitimately ignore her. You can't expect her to behave like a normal person, so you have to change YOUR behaviour and stop even the tiniest interaction with her.

In all your posts, you have said your DD is unhappy and wants to move, but all your justification for moving her is based on YOUR interaction with this bonkers mother. The other girl is making up rumours and telling tales about your DD, but what about your DD's other friends?

Ask your DD, if this girl wasn't there, would she enjoy school? Does she have friends, does she like her teacher?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I think you want to move your DD to get this woman out of YOUR hair, not your DD's. Silly girls making up tales about each other is unfortunately part of life in Y5. Teachers know this, and a girl "logging complaints" about another one is sadly not going to get the problem taken too seriously. Is she actually doing any more to your DD than jsut saying "I'm going to tell Miss Butler* that you pinched me"? I understand that this is upsetting to DD, but I suspect that Miss Butler is perfectly well aware that the Madwoman's Child is simply a product iof her home environment.

*Miss Butler =/= real teacher...!

Simile Sun 04-May-14 08:56:15

Cloud she doesn't want to be civil with you. While it is childish on her part, that's how she's going to be. The best thing you can do with her is ignore her completely. That way no drama happens and she can't make something up because you said hello to her.

With your daughter, go back to school for another chat. Explain what your daughter is saying at home as that's a red flag that she's not happy within school and something is going on. If the school has good pastoral care then they need to investigate and offer ideas that will help the situation.

Before you move schools you need to give this school a chance to improve the situation. If nothing happens then consider your options.

For yourself, ring your police contact again. You need to do this because you need it logged that this is an ongoing problem. You are after advice re speaking to the mother, this way everything is logged so if she does escalate it to harassment then you have some proof that you are not doing this.

uggmum Sun 04-May-14 09:14:36

I had a situation with another Mum. She was previously a friend. Was a queen bee type. I backed away from the friendship as I didn't like her behaviour. I remained friendly. She did not like this. She accused me of saying something that I did not say and demanded an apology and then She would forgive me

I'm usually a walkover and don't like confrontation but I refused. So I wasn't forgiven and she made my life difficult From then on we had to see each other at school and it was really difficult.

Anyway, you need to completely ignore this woman. Do not empower her. Ensure your husband does the same. Block her number. Don't even look at her. She wants to be the victim and she is pushing you.

You need to be firm with school. Her dd is bullying yours. They need to investigate and act. Make an appointment with the head and demand action. Also do not speak to her dd or approach her.

Ultimately, if your dd is unhappy I would consider moving her.

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 09:19:09

the mother made a formal complaint to the school about dd, which i think is why she feels intimidated by her. yes, i think she may be trying to get to me through my dd. on a bad day, dd feels she's been labelled a bully and this girl will turn the other (few) girls against her. on a good day, she loves school, her teacher and friends. i wish she could just move class but only small school.

aquashiv Sun 04-May-14 09:31:53

If yr dh still speaks to her why dosnt he stick up for you and his child. I find it odd that he hasn't m

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 09:46:20

wheresthelight and uggmum, i'm so sorry to hear your stories, thank you to all of you for sharing your advice, really wish i'd done this before, it's incredibly helpful to put it in perspective. i think it's been in my head for too long and really helps to write it all down! dh doesn't engage now. he contacted her husband who basically said she'd done this before with others but would try to talk to her. don't think that worked though.

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 09:53:40

I think you have some good advice on here and I understand that it has been whirring around your head and it must be upsetting.
But tbh I would try and learn from this. If you start getting negative stuff from another parent then just withdraw.
The attempts at contact were futile and have just made this into a huge drama.getting your DH to phone her DH is really ridiculous when you actually think about it.

As your child goes through school you will meet people who don't like you. Let it go. Ignore them.

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 10:03:47

it does feel like a huge ridiculous drama, that i've given too much attention to for too long. her dh actually called my dh, so i think he's fed up with it too, but you're right- it was futile!

RainbowSpiral Sun 04-May-14 10:06:36

I think it is worth thinking what you do expect the school to do about the parents part. I'm not sure there is very much they can do as they have no control over adults.

Keep logging everything.

In terms of moving schools, is there another good school? Our head did help a family to move schools after a serious ongoing row (parental punch ups!). I think this did resolve things but it was to a school less than a mile away and the two schools are the two best in our city. So the wee girl was unlikely to have lost out educationally and she was very young when she moved schools. However I think the situation was more extreme and these families had been arch enemies for years over something nothing to do with kids or school.

A less extreme option is to consider if dd can move class, or are all the problems in the playground?

Raskova Sun 04-May-14 10:06:44

Yes aspiring human. It's either a really good or really bad idea iyswim. <confused face>

Her husband says she's done it before! Urgh, what a peach! Why do some people refuse to grow up.

You need to take the moral high ground but I have no idea how you would do that!

Pagwatch Sun 04-May-14 10:28:40

It's understandable though isn't it?
When someone is being illogical we assume that it can be sorted out but the more we try the more they will fully misinterpret .
Ignoring is the only way I think

cloud9 Sun 04-May-14 10:31:05

i understand the school are in a tricky position really, what can they do, as they quite rightly expect us to behave like the adults! i just feel a bit like we're sitting ducks waiting for the next accusation to come along, whether against me or dd. and i don't want dd to think this is normal grown up behaviour, as it isn't and in all the time with ds at school i've never had it with another parent. she never says anything to ds or dd, just gives them withering/dirty looks (they've demonstrated!), so i've tried to play it down and told them it's nothing they've done, she's just unhappy with me. i guess it's hurtful to them because before this happened, we all spent time together outside school, and they don't really understand why it's changed.

arselikekylie Sun 04-May-14 20:03:30

Ah I feel for you OP. I can imagine exactly the type of person she is. Don't run from it though. As others have said keep a dignified silence and you can bet that others can see her for what she is. It will blow over and your daughter will learn a harsh but valuable lesson in life about other peoples behaviour and how to deal with it.

Stay calm and try not to too much more energy on her. She is not worth it.

rhiwpix Sun 04-May-14 21:01:01

I just feel a bit like we're sitting ducks waiting for the next accusation to come along, whether against me or dd.

Have you told the headteacher this?

I think you should. It will help. Keep talking to the school. Keep them in the loop.

MrsCaptainReynolds Sun 04-May-14 22:01:38

Long shot, but my employer (NHS) has a vexatious complainant policy. Really helpful if someone is making unfounded complaint after complaint. Even just raising that someone may be a vexatious complainant completely changes the focus of how things are being dealt with. Perhaps if this woman is making repeated unfounded complaints of bullying, you could ask the HT if they have a vexatious complainant policy, and if not how do they propose to manage the effect of ongoing vexatious complaints upon your daughter? Might reframe their focus a little?

cloud9 Mon 05-May-14 06:50:06

thanks you all again for your time and thoughtful responses,they have really help lift my spirits and hopefully see the situation for what it is. rhiwpix, i did tell the ht that we felt a bit like sitting ducks, i also suggested maybe getting the girls together to talk to someone trained in this area, but it seems that this isn't possible as the mother appears to not want this. she has refused to allow the school to share information with us, which is a nonsense really as we have to be informed if there's an allegation against my dd. the teacher had asked me to do some artwork with the class (it's what i do professionally, and i've been in most years for both ds and dd) ), i but has now asked me not to as he doesn't want to inflame the situation. the police officer who told me to sit down and talk to her told me not to let her know that i'd spoken to them as it would make the situation worse. it's hard not feel like we've done something wrong!

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 05-May-14 06:59:04

It all sounds very odd.

You need to block her number first and foremost so she doesn't send you texts. I don't think your husband should be contacting hers either, it all sounds very playground-ish and she might construe your husband ringing hers, about her, as "harassment" and contact the police herself if she is that kind of person.

How do you know all this about her daughter keeping logs against your daughter? Have the school told you that?

How did it all start? Is she perhaps jealous of you, and possibly sees you as a "Queen Bee" (horrid expression) because you are obviously quite involved in the school (PTA, art stuff) etc?

Is she jealous?

Did the girls use to get on?

Obviously you just need to ignore ignore ignore.

It's harder for your daughter, but if the school say nothing is going on, then I guess you have to take their word for it.

Hope it blows over.

cloud9 Mon 05-May-14 07:22:58

i agree, it's very playground-ish, and really futile! her dh contacted mine as we all spent time together prior to this situation, and the girls did get on, they've known each other since nursery days. i really couldn't say if she's jealous, the text she sent me was quite vicious and personal, so maybe. but yes, it's hard for me to see dd so anxious.

Kissmequick123 Mon 05-May-14 07:42:32

I think it's odd too but I actually do wonder if your DD is bullying her DD but you are unaware of it.

What is DD being accused of? Just because there are no witnesses doesn't mean it didn't happen. Yes the other girl could be lying but alternatively your DD could be lying to get out of trouble. What things I'd your DD being accused of. What's your DD like in character?

I think you need to reply to any texts each time with with 'please go through the school, not me. thanks' Let the school deal with everything.

Also avoid the mother in person. Act like she's not there so that you don't have to acknowledge any eye rolling etc. If you have to talk to her be polite and keep it short.

Kissmequick123 Mon 05-May-14 07:43:54

I think it's very easy for teachers to obliviously blind to lots of bullying as they have so much to organise

Kissmequick123 Mon 05-May-14 07:48:15

What exactly has the girl made up about you?

I know of situations where children have been closely watched but somehow bulling still totally missed.

cloud9 Mon 05-May-14 08:30:56

yes, i know it's possible. when i was called in by the school, i asked about what dd had done, and they said both the mother and her daughter were quite vague about specifics, just that my dd was responsible. i know what 8yr old girls can be like, so i'm very open to hearing if dd has been consistently unkind or spiteful, but honestly i don't think she's waged the campaign she's been accused of. the daughter made up stuff last year about my dd (not to do with school, and told both my ds and dd that their mum was a liar) but i know girls do this sometimes, and we were all friendly at the time so i thought it had passed. she's accused me of "staring her out".

uggmum Mon 05-May-14 08:42:48

I really wouldn't engage with her any more. Do not try to talk to her. Don't even look in her direction. Don't talk about it with friends.

If you do this it will probably blow over and she will move on to someone else. Perhaps your dd could move classes initially rather than schools.

Kissmequick123 Mon 05-May-14 08:53:07

Sounds like a real pain. Does your DD have good friends at school?

Kissmequick123 Mon 05-May-14 08:56:54

If school can't provide a list of incidents (even if small incidents), I wouldn't take any notice. As a parent you are entitled to know what your DD is being accused of - if anything.

iamsoannoyed Mon 05-May-14 09:36:49

I agree with those who suggest treating it as 2 separate issues.

Firstly, I agree it can be upsetting when someone behaves like this, but you haven't got any influence over this woman's behaviour, so it's best just ignore her. Just don't engage. Anything you do or say to her will only stoke the fire.

2) You need to speak with the school about how your DD is feeling. I'm not impressed with their anti-bullying procedures- they investigate accusations, find no case to answer and then do nothing about the fact that it is possible that one girl is lying to get another into trouble? Either they have little faith in their investigation, or they aren't dealing with the bullying at all.

You need to nip this in the bud now, before it gets any worse. Go to the school, tell them you are concerned and that your daughter is asking to be moved schools. I would have thought this is something which would be of concern to them.

I'd point out that this girl is keeping a log and making accusations against your DD, which seem to be untrue. Either they aren't doing a good job of monitoring the situation (i.e. they are implying they can't be sure her "log" is incorrect) or they aren't taking the fact this girl's accusations are false and the impact the situation has on your DD seriously enough- so you want answers about what they are going to do about the situation.

If the school can't, or won't, give you a satisfactory answer and/or don't address the situation, then I really would be considering moving schools as I don't think your daughter should have to suffer so you don't feel you've been forced out. It's not ideal, it will be disruptive and I dare say she'll feel she's won (and maybe she has)- but why should your daughter have to be miserable and in a school which won't address bullying, so you can prove a point?

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 05-May-14 10:27:01

Oh, I presumed the other girl had been told to keep the log of incidents by the school, as part of their anti-bullying procedure. I know that's often what happens, that children who are victims of bullying are told to write it all down.

I didn't realise it was an unofficial log.

How did it come out then that she was keeping this log? Did she show it to the teacher? Had her mother told her to do it?

cloud9 Mon 05-May-14 10:44:08

yes, DrankSangriaInThePark, the log is part of the school anti-bullying measure, so it's a school thing

bochead Mon 05-May-14 11:42:21

Why are you empowering her by continuing to engage with her ffs?

Neither you nor your husband have any reason to even make eye contact with her and you should have blocked her telephone number a long time ago.

The school incidents need to be dealt with only from the perspective of YOUR child, which is that she is now so unhappy that she no longer wants to attend and so is at risk of school refusal. Write to the HT and chair of Governors stating how unhappy she is and asking what specific action plan the school intend to put in place so that your daughter can again become the happy, engaged learner she was prior to the issues with the other child. Give them a fortnight to respond.

If the school responds to your letter in a positive manner then all is good and you just continue to ignore the neighborhood loon. If the school dismiss your letter, then follow it up with a second stating that due to their failure to implement an effective anti-bullying policy and your child's consequent unhappiness you would like their assistance in finding an alternative educational placement for next year. Copy that letter to the LA school admissions team.

Do not mention the other parents by name in any of your school correspondence as you are over 7 years old ffs.

I suspect however that as the other parent is the one doing all the kicking and screaming school just aren't aware of how seriously this is impacting upon your child. A strongly worded piece of correspondence written in an adult fashion will probably be all that's needed to sort it out.

As for you and your husband - has noone told the pair of you NEVER to feed a drama llama? Elenaor Roosevelt had it right when she said

^ "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent"^

cloud9 Tue 06-May-14 16:21:20

thanks bochead, very wise words. sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the drama even when you don't want to be part of it. i will be taking an awful lot of the advice given here, you've all made me feel a lot stronger, so thank you again everyone.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 06-May-14 16:49:03

Switch schools if you can. Let her "win", make her someone else's problem. You really think people are taking her seriously? The school probably thinks she's fucking mental, but they aren't doing anything about it. Maybe when you leave they'll see that it's more than petty squabbling and do something so it doesn't affect other children. Even if you do put her in her place, at what cost are you going to do it at? Your daughter is already stressed and the one dealing with this day in and day out. She's too young to start hating school, if she wants to leave, let her.

That said, moving her you'll be "winning" a better place for your daughter where she will be happier, less stressed, and possibly able to make better friends. You'll be getting less stress for yourself too. Nothing is worth this sort of aggravation. smile

She really does sound like a miserable cunt.

nipersvest Tue 06-May-14 16:58:27

"the teacher had asked me to do some artwork with the class (it's what i do professionally, and i've been in most years for both ds and dd) ), i but has now asked me not to as he doesn't want to inflame the situation"

seriously! now that would really p* me off. am also an artist who goes into school occasionally, given the your involvement with the pta, and the lack of evidence to actually back up any of this womans claims, the school should be backing you, and going ahead regardless. in them 'not wanting to inflame the situation', they are passive-aggressively siding with her over you.

cloud9 Tue 06-May-14 19:03:41

i admit i was p*off with the the school for that decision as i feel it was pandering to this mother's claims, but what can i do? i don't want to make a fuss about it as i don't want to antagonise the situation, but i did say i felt it was giving in to bullying, because i feel like the whole class are missing out on something because of one parent!

bochead Tue 06-May-14 19:42:18

Have you sent the first letter yet?

It's OK to be upset at how the school are now pushing you out of the voluntary role you have performed to help them for years. That's a shoddy way to treat someone who gives up their time for free. It's not OK to let it show in public.

This term is a short one so step back from school related activities politely for now, and give school a clear space within which to sort it all out from your daughter's perspective.

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